Heh

No easy pickin’s

Posted on September 7, 2022September 7, 2022 by Mike

I don’t know much at all about Repub candidate for Arizona governor Kari Lake. But so far, I like what I’m seeing.

Last week, Arizona Republican gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake masterfully turned the tables on a reporter who thought he was asking her a gotcha question about accepting the results of an election.

“You feel like Joe Biden is dividing the country. Do you feel Donald Trump is doing the same by falsely telling people he won that election when he lost it?” the reporter asked.

“How does that divide the country? Questioning an election where there are obviously problems is dividing the country?” she asked. “Since when can we not ask questions about our elections? As a journalist for many years—I was a journalist after 2016 and I distinctly remember many people just like you, asking a lot of questions about the 2016 election results and nobody tried to shut you up.”

Lake was hardly finished tearing this reporter a new one.

“Nobody tried to tell Hillary Clinton to shut up. Nobody tried to tell Kamala Harris when she was questioning the legitimacy of these electronic voting machines to stop. We have freedom of speech in this country and you of all that people should appreciate that. You’re supposedly a journalist. You should appreciate that. So I don’t see how asking questions about an election where there were many problems is ‘dividing’ a country. What I do see divided a country is shutting people down, censoring people, canceling people, trying to destroy people’s lives when they do ask questions. Last I heard we still have the Constitution. It’s hanging by a thread thanks to some of the work some people in this area have done. But we’re going to save that Constitution and we’re going to bring back freedom of speech. And maybe someday you’ll thank us for that.”

Well said, ma’am, but not bloody likely. After all, they’re steadfastly against freedom of speech for anyone but themselves, the Constitution, and freedom generally.

4

Headlines from a better world

Posted on June 24, 2022June 24, 2022 by Mike

The Bee checks out the news in an alternate universe, wherein Trump is serving his second term as President.

Nancy Pelosi announces 38th impeachment proceeding against President Trump.

Unemployment reaches 0% for first time in history, stock market gets so high they have to add another digit to the counter.

Trump holds ecumenical church council to unify all the denominations under the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

Ukraine invades Russia.

United States purchases Greenland in tremendous deal.

Americans save $1600 on July 4 BBQs.

American troops pulled from Afghanistan in careful, strategic, slow withdraw; 0 Americans stranded; utopia breaks out.

New York Times publishes article explaining why $1/gallon gas is bad and racist.

Naaaah, we’re MUCH better off staying here in Bizarro World with Grampy Gropey and his pinhead crew. I left a good few for y’all to click on through for, but even so there are two more I just can’t resist putting up.

President gives coherent speech.

Everyone who ever took their kids to a drag show arrested.

Heh. Yep, obviously not OUR universe, more’s the pity. Neither of those last two things could ever happen in this shitty timeline we’re all stuck in.

6

Be afraid—be VERY afraid

Posted on June 11, 2022June 11, 2022 by Mike

Correia knows wassup.

The ugly truth the beltway can't grasp, it isn't that regular America doesn't care about Jan6. It's that they hate you for making their lives miserable, so when they saw you cowering, they thought good, now they know how it feels to be afraid.

— Larry Correia (@monsterhunter45) June 10, 2022

Good indeed, and dead on the money, but it could be better. Personally, I want ’em not just afraid, but MORTALLY TERRIFIED. And I want their terror to be completely justified, the validation stamp renewed every single fucking day.

You hearing me, Congresscrawlers?

America won’t be America again until every lower order life-form in DC wears an expression like that whimpering pillowbiter’s on his mug all day, every day.

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8

4

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3

Electric bricks

Posted on May 8, 2022May 8, 2022 by Mike

We used to have a fine old term for this that got used quite a bit back in the 70s: planned obsolescence.

None of these are old cars. In fact, the oldest Spark is younger than the average non-electric car currently in service as a daily driver, which is about twelve years old. Most of these with many more years of useful service left, because they don’t have battery packs that cost more than the car is worth (by then) to replace.

Which is a built-in problem for all electric cars. Some may recall the case of the irate Finnish man who TNT’d his not-very-old Tesla Model S when he found out that replacing its dead battery pack would cost him on the order of $20,000.

But at least a replacement battery was still available.

Without that, you’ve got nothing – no matter how much you’re willing to pay for it. And unlike non-electric cars, there is very little you can do about it – other than eat the loss and move on to the next one. This is because an EV’s dead battery pack is not like a non-electric car’s failed transmission or engine – or even both, together. In the case of the latter, it is almost always possible to swap in a used or remanufactured/rebuilt transmission or engine – and drive on. It is not possible with electric cars for which there aren’t any replacements available, new or used.

And even if the original manufacturer no longer makes new replacement engines/transmissions for a given IC car, these can usually both be rebuilt at a price that’s worth the doing. Electric car battery packs, once dead, are throw-aways – just like the dead battery that no longer powers your sail fawn. At which point, you throw away the sail fawn.

The electric car, too.

The difference being you probably paid a lot more for the electric car.

Interestingly, there has been little-to-no coverage in the general or even the automotive press about this business. It’s interesting – because you can imagine the uproar that would arise if any other barely ten-year-old car was no longer supported by its manufacturer – and had a built-in design feature that assured it would be rendered useless years before it reached the age of the average non-electric car currently in service.

Of course, the reason for the absence of such coverage is because it might call attention to the shorter useful lifespan of electric cars, due to the shorter useful life of their battery packs relative to the useful life of an IC car’s engine or transmission. These are expected to last at least 12-15 years – and most last longer. If they fail sooner, the car – and its maker – gets a well-deserved reputation for shoddiness and most people will avoid buying a car made by that maker.

It is discharge-recharge cycling that ages a battery. Especially “fast” charging. You can limit the damage by not “fast” charging – and not discharging – the EV battery. But then the EV isn’t much use, is it?

No such issue exists with non-electric cars in that driving down to fumes in the tank has no effect at all on the useful service life of the vehicle. A non-electric car that’s 15 or 20 years old holds as much gas in its tank – and travels just as far – as it did when it was new. An electric car’s battery pack is unlikely to be capable of holding the same charge it could when new when it is ten years old – and maybe sooner.

And if there’s no replacement battery available – or it costs more than it’s worth to replace it – the car is useless.

Many people will find out about this after they bought an EV. It probably explains another interesting thing about EVs that the general press (and the automotive press) haven’t covered much, which is that a large percentage of first-time EV buyers didn’t buy a second one.

Yeah, well, you know what they say about “fool me once, fool me twice.” Guess that smug, superior feeling an EV owner gets from knowing he’s being a good, obedient little shitlib and Doing His Part to help save Gaia only goes so far when, after being a full-time pain in the ass the whole time he’s had it, his little toy strugglebuggy shits the bed for good at the exact same time his neighbor’s Focus or Elantra is only just beginning to hit its stride.

2

NASA beclowns humanity

Posted on May 5, 2022May 5, 2022 by Mike

Remember, these are America’s greatest minds we’re talking about here.

NASA to launch naked pictures of humans to space in hope of ‘attracting aliens’

DUDE! Have you seen what humans look like these days? Most of us have devolved into doughy, flubberous tubs of jigglesome goo at this point, barely hardy enough to peel themselves off the dangerously over-stressed sofa and lumber over to the fridge for another desperately-needed snack. The remainder of us hoo-mans are, quite literally, starving—horrifying, dead-eyed skels who more closely resemble Auschwitz survivors about ten minutes after being liberated by Allied forces than anything else.

Not for nothing, folks, but I’m thinking “attract” might not exactly be the mot juste here.

NASA scientists plan to launch pictures of naked humans into space in the hope of luring aliens to us.

The depictions will also include an invitation to respond should an intelligent alien race find the space nudes.

Fortunately, the hypothetical aliens shouldn’t be too shocked by the unsolicited nudes.

The pictures aren’t graphic photographs of naked humans but a drawing of a naked man and a woman next to a depiction of DNA.

The article includes this space smut, which is…well, let’s be charitable and call the pre-K level drawing “good enough for government work” and just leave it at that, shall we?

The main aim of the BITG project is to send a message to any alien civilizations that could be out there.

Scientists think the pixelated illustration of a naked man and woman waving hello could help us finally make contact with extraterrestrials.

Oh, sure. Either that, or guarantee that they will never, ever permit such contact, preferring to make a mad dash for galaxy’s edge instead. NASA’s ridiculous and inartful scribblings are more likely to instill in Marvin the Martian a frantic desire to put as much distance between himself and humanity as he possible can, seems to me. The next passage glosses over something important.

Scientists think a binary-coded message is most likely to be understood by aliens.

The scientists explain in their study: “Though the concept of mathematics in human terms is potentially unrecognizable to extra-terrestrial intelligence, binary is likely universal across all intelligence.”

Across all HUMAN-type intelligence, you mean—intelligence itself being strictly definable in terms comprehensible to HUMANS. Me, you, NASA, everybody—none of us have any clue as to alien physiognomy. We don’t know if they even HAVE brains, never mind how those brains work or how advanced their cognitive function might be. IF they have brains at all. Alien perception of basic physical reality might well diverge so radically from our own as to disallow any possibility of communication between our two species. Such an unbridgeable chasm renders NASA’s fanciful speculation that “binary”—an exclusively HUMAN construct, mind, never independently present in Earth’s planetary bioforms, geology, or atmosphere—is “likely universal across all intelligence” the callow daydream that it most definitely is.

This is where we must pay our respects to an irony so deep, so powerful, so profound it almost has a discernible aroma about it: only our most brilliant scientists and thinkers could be arrogant enough to blithely skate past the abundantly obvious possibility that alien life forms are likely to be so wildly at variance with us in every imaginable way—not to mention the UNimaginable ones, which would of necessity be beyond counting—that the very idea of ANY commonality between us physically, intellectually, or emotionally is patently absurd.

Not so for the good-enough-for-government-work Superbrains of NASA, however. These impeccably well-educated and competent “experts” seem to think it squarely within the expansive ken of such Übermenschen as themselves to make certain assumptions without squandering a second of their priceless time and energy pondering whether or not those assumptions are valid. Funny, innit, that one of the bedrock prequisites which help to not only identify true intelligence but also elevate it from mere gauzy potentiality into a genuinely useful thing—from the nebulous stuff of idle fantasy into real-world practicality—would turn out to be plain, familiar old humility.

Funnier still that arrogance should be the easiest, most natural-feeling attitude for most humans to adopt, the very first resort of both the egotistical but otherwise well-intentioned chowderhead and the conniving scalawag whenever forced to confront his own insufficiency of knowledge, his unwarranted overconfidence, his fallibility—while humility is by far the most awkward, toilsome, and wholly alien-seeming and oblique character trait to summon, much less to maintain. The demands humility imposes are numerous, non-trivial, and painful. But the rewards it bestows are rich beyond belief, a fulsome bounty reinforced and multiplied every time we choose it as our response to challenge or adversity.

Arrogance always makes one look like a goddamned jackass in the end. Worse still, most who succumb to its empty blandishments never even know what utter fools arrogance has made of them, their heads being crammed too far up their own asses to see the light of day. Those capable of inculcating and bolstering a proper sense of humility, on the other hand, will find themselves widely admired and respected for the very trait that did so much to ensure their success, whatever their chosen field of endeavor may be.

They added: “The proposed message includes basic mathematical and physical concepts to establish a universal means of communication followed by information on the biochemical composition of life on Earth, the Solar System’s time-stamped position in the Milky Way relative to known globular clusters, as well as digitized depictions of the Solar System, and Earth’s surface.”

“A universal means of communication.” Do these people even hear their words? Across, what, about 2-300,000 fucking years of the existence of what we think of as “modern” man, no “universal means of communication” has ever been developed. EVER. Dios mio, mankind has never created a universal language in all that time, nor is there the slightest prospect of such a thing on the horizon. But hey, that can’t stop the bright boys at NASA, and why should it? They’ve been sooooo incredibly successful since the halcyon days of the 1960s and 70s, right?

The concept of sending depictions of naked humans to space isn’t new.

The Pioneer plaques sent to space on the 1972 Pioneer 10 and 1973 Pioneer 11 missions, also featured drawings of naked humans.

The plaques are attached to the antennas on the crafts.

They’re still sailing away from Earth to this day.

With nary a peep heard from any of our prospective alien friends from that day to this. Those NASA folks might be smart, but they don’t seem to have learned a whole lot. But hey, I’m probably just too dumb to understand such heady stuff; it’s all probably WAY over my head. So shamed am I by my intellectual inadequacy, I’d never even DREAM of asking the NASA brain trust to explain—in detail and with extensive confirmatory references in the footnotes—exactly what all that taxpayer money bought for us.

Hope those brainiacs will remember to request access to the FBI “evidence” locker so’s they can glom some kiddie-porn to slap onto that phallic launch vehicle of theirs. Celebrating the entire spectrum of human sexual “diversity” is what the modern American “space program” is all about, don’tchaknow.

Oh, and Mooselimbs too. Gotta throw a few Korans in there, maybe a nice set of those checkered kitchen drapes they like to wear on their heads.

1

Elon Musk: as entertaining as Trump?

Posted on April 28, 2022April 28, 2022 by Mike

It’s only been a couple of days since he bought it, but already Elon Musk is making Twitter better. So what might be the next item on the gadfly billionaire’s to-do list?

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 28, 2022

Heh. Go get ’em, Tiger. If he keeps this up, I might actually have to start paying attention to my Twitter feed for once. More hilarity, iconoclasm and random futzing about here.

3

Just another American “election”

Posted on April 26, 2022April 26, 2022 by Mike

You knew this was coming.

Musk’s Twitter Purchase Fails After 138,000 Board Votes Found Overnight
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Elon Musk’s bid to purchase Twitter came up short after 138,000 board votes were found at 2 a.m., a company spokesman confirmed Tuesday. Musk had been in talks to purchase the company for $44 billion.

“We really thought Musk was going to pull this one out,” said Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal. “The yes votes had a strong lead when I went to bed last night, but that was before we counted all the mail-in votes that one of our employees found in locker 142 at the bus terminal.”

When the final votes were tallied, the takeover bid failed by a final tally of 10 votes for, 138,000 votes against. While the final result came as a shock to most observers, Agrawal said the election was fair. “Twitter takes election integrity very seriously,” he noted. “I can confidently say this was the most secure election in American history.”

Musk, after losing fair and square, went on to level baseless charges of fraud, ballot rigging, and other tampering—wantonly undermining our sacred democracy in so doing—before announcing there would be a violent, seditious protest cum riot cum insurrection held on May 6 in front of Twitter HQ, with the FBI providing hors d’ouevres, party favors, and the Bouncy Castle. Twitter immediately suspended the treasonous Musk’s account for questioning the integrity of what was inarguably an honest, clean, totally above-board election. Now let’s all talk about something else, shall we?

Update! Can’t help but append another sweet Bee-bopper riff.

Eccentric Billionaire Accomplishes More For Free Speech In One Afternoon Than Republicans Have In Decades

Hrm. Better check this one out; I thought it was fanciful satire from the Babylon Bee, but it appears it may be an article from the scalawags over at Not The Bee, being factual and all.

WORLD—According to sources, an eccentric immigrant entrepreneur from South Africa just accomplished more for free speech than Republicans have in decades of controlling the government, wielding Federal power, and spending trillions of dollars.

Experts concur that Twitter being purchased by a private entity instead of publicly owned by shadowy corporate interests and foreign governments will help secure Twitter’s place as a free speech platform. Other changes, such as an open-source algorithm, clear and fairly enforced rules, and a commitment to the free exchange of ideas are expected to accomplish more for freedom and human advancement than anything Republican congressmen have ever done in their entire careers.

“Man, why didn’t I think of doing something like that?” said the Republican Senator. “If you vote for me, I’ll form a committee after the election season to explore the reasons we didn’t think of that!”

To save face, Republicans have promised to cook up something extra special for voters next year in the form of a strong resolution saying free speech is good.

In fairness to Vichy GOPers, though, it really isn’t as if they give much more of a shit about free speech than the Demonrats do. Plus, talking a big game and then spinning their wheels until everyone quits watching and ambles on off to the hot dog stand is sorta their thing, y’know? So it would be only natural for them to react that way this time too; by now, it’s a conditoned response.

SI SI PUEDE!!!

Posted on April 22, 2022April 22, 2022 by Mike

Our good friend Steve says it so I don’t have to.

Today is April 22. You know what that means: This evening, bring an electric heater outside and turn it on. Start up your oldest, dirtiest lawn mower and let it run for an hour. Change the oil in your car and dump the old down the storm drain. Take a dump on the HOA president’s front porch.

Keep your eye on the goal: to cause shortages and a destroyed environment and a general sense of crisis so that watermelons can continue to shout about dooooom and raise money. Because you know that’s what it’s all about, right? Keeping the watermelon’s shriveled, red, commie souls wrapped in lots of greenbacks.

Precisely so. It’s just now dusk where I live, so I need to go around hitting dem switches and making dem needles jump, boyo. Let’s make this year’s goal to tax those generators, turbines, and coal-burners (not the miscegenating women, the power plants, ya jerk) so severely it causes disastrous shutdowns all across the benighted plain, folks! Remember, every breaker you trip or fuse you blow makes another shitlib Watermelon cry.

7

Change you can BELIEVE IN!

Posted on April 21, 2022April 21, 2022 by Mike

Looks like the Great DeSantini has big plans for Disneyworld now that the rat-themed, Groomer-run abusement park has had their sketchy sovereignty arrangement rendered null, void, and defunct.

Florida legislature has revoked Disney’s self-governing status which means that some bold new changes are on the way. Disneyland in California will remain a popular site for human trafficking but the Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL is going to experience a dramatic overhaul.

Take a look at these exciting changes on the way:

The Hall of Presidents will just have 46 animatronic Donald Trumps: They are the greatest robots, maybe ever. Everyone says so.

Chip and Dale will now reside in separate trees: We can’t let our children be corrupted by cartoon characters having too close of a relationship.

There are ten of these, of which my own pick for top o’ the list would have to be this one:

6) All Disney princesses to be replaced with Melania Trump: Finally, real diversity!

OH HELL YEAH. That there is diversity to make a guy stand up and cheer. Maybe now Roy can stop spinning in his grave at extreme velocity and go back to sleep. Oh, and in case you guys were wondering where “The Great DeSantini” might have come from, this should help clear it up.

Just a fantastic flick, if you never saw it before. One of Duvall’s very best performances, which is really saying something. In fact, I’m not entirely sure, but I believe he won an Oscar for it.

1

“Satanic vector of disgrace”

Posted on April 17, 2022April 17, 2022 by Mike

Wh-eeeelll DOGGIES, but I sure wish I’d come up with that one myself.

The go-to lever of concerted mind-fuckery has been the term-of-art misinformation, applied especially to things and propositions that are truthful — thereby confounding the public’s ability to discern truth in anything, or to discover how they are being misled in matters of life and death. We’ve allowed the worst in human nature to disgrace ourselves. Satan, Father of Lies, is Western Civ’s paragon of disgrace, and so American life appears more and more Satanic and disgraceful.

All this was epitomized in the operation of Twitter, the cheerful little bluebird of social messaging which evolved in a very few years into an instrument of coercion, punishment, deception, and lying, until it became clear that Twitter’s misinformation was misinformation itself. Half the nation doesn’t believe anything it is told by those in authority and the other half revels in its reckless abuse of authority.

And so, it’s refreshing to see one Elon Musk act to seize control of this Satanic vector of disgrace. Mr. Musk appears motivated to defeat the culture of lying by restoring open debate in the ubiquitous online public arena. It’s a heroic deed. But, you see, it’s not merely Twitter’s management or its biggest shareholders that Mr. Musk is messing with, but malign forces in the US government, which have surreptitiously taken control of Twitter and other social media to work its will on events. If you don’t know that Twitter, Facebook, and Google are proxies serving the US Intel Community, then you have not been paying attention.

Which only serves to underscore Musk’s most endearing trait: his devil-may-care nonchalance, his flat refusal to be intimidated by anything or anybody—even on those occasions when he probably should be. Musk is a man driven to spit in the eye of the Devil himself, then dare him to offer a single murmur of complaint. Even better, you can easily see that, far from being afraid, Elon is thoroughly enjoying himself. Love him or hate him, the man is a 100 percent, bona fide badass, of a stripe America used to be quite damned adept at churning out, but seems frightened half to death of now.

What the heck, having obliquely mentioned the Clampetts up yonder, here’s a clip Buddy Ebsen would probably rather everybody would forget about if he was still around. Take it, Jed:

Forget? Hell!

How to Police State

Posted on April 11, 2022April 11, 2022 by Mike

Swiped from WRSA.

Every word a gem.

One for BCE

Posted on April 7, 2022April 7, 2022 by Mike

Just ’cause he brought this up:

It reminded me of the old Lone Ranger joke…

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are looking down the side of the mountain into the valley, which is teeming with ten thousand pissed off Apache. Lone Ranger looks over to Tonto and says “Looks like we’re in a tight spot old friend!”

To which Tonto looks at him and says “What’s this “we” shit Paleface?”

Heh. A pretty decent oldie-but-moldie that reminded me of this, from 1974…when I was all of, erm, uhhhhh…fourteen years old?!?

DAMN, but I’m old.

Yeppers, that little ditty was a solid AM radio hit in my youth, among many other off-the-wall and inexplicable novelty offerings. No need to thank me, Expat. Probably no reason to, either.

Liberalis agonistii

Posted on April 6, 2022April 6, 2022 by Mike

Mommy, it HUUUUUUURTS.

It has been unseasonably cold in Washington D.C. this spring. The blossoms on the cherry tree on my front lawn had barely bloomed when a cold snap and heavy wind-driven rain scattered the petals all over my front lawn. I stepped out front to pick up a box of herbs left there to be planted when a neighbor passed by.

I don’t know him very well, but his virtue signaling was a rather good clue as to where his sympathies lay. His lawn was peppered with signs: ”Biden-Harris,” “Hate has no Home Here,” “Build Bridges not Walls,” “Refugees Welcome Here,” “Climate Action Now,” “Gun Control Now,” “Black Lives Matter,” “Defund the Police.” By their lawn signs you shall know them, I thought. Still, I was polite — waved and said, ”Hi.”

He apparently had something on his chest he just had to get rid of and approached me.

“It’s Trump’s doing!” he shouted.

Nonplussed, I simply raised my eyebrows and let him continue.

“He only pretended to run against Biden. He wanted him to win!”

“Really?” I asked.

“It’s perfectly obvious. Getting Biden and Harris elected was his diabolical way of destroying the Democratic party for decades! They and the Democratic party’s policies are so stupid, the people can’t stand them. Can’t wait to get rid of them.”

I didn’t wish to disturb this already vexed man more, so, saying nothing, I tilted my head suggesting I wanted to hear more behind his tirade.

“I can’t think of a thing Biden’s done which doesn’t make life worse for everyone. He’s losing Black and Hispanic voters and even suburban White women with this craziness. He’s paving the way for Iran to get nuclear weapons and upset the peace in the Middle East, to detriment of our allies. He’s stirring up Putin in a way that may lead to World War III. He’s thrown out so much money that inflation is soaring, and average people are finding it hard to put food on the tables and a roof over their heads.

“Crime,” he muttered. “It’s out of control. This defund the police stuff is ridiculous. Five cars were broken into on this block in the last two weeks. There was a multiple shooting in the motel where the government has been housing the homeless three blocks away the week before. I’ve never seen anything like that in this neighborhood before!” (I looked again over his shoulder. The “Gun Control Now” sign had also vanished from his lawn.)

Aww, what a shame Shitlib Neighbor has to live in the dreadful conditions created for him by his own kindred Komrades and Kommissars. Some advice foor ya, Commieboy: next time someone tries to explain the suicidal folly baked right into your ideological cake, only to wind up losing patience, closing out the whole pointless exercise by calling you an imbecile and stalking off all purple-faced looking for something to punch a hole into, maybe you should try listening for a change.

“And then there are the absolutely moronic things he and Harris say. This week he said that if we buy electric vehicles, we’ll save about $80 a month on gas. But those cars on average cost $56,000, a great deal more than conventional cars, and electricity — largely produced by fossil fuels — costs more because he’s made it more expensive by hamstringing the production of gas, coal, and oil. So even if his calculation were true, it would take decades for someone to afford to purchase an electric vehicle to achieve such savings.

Aww, too bad; things had been going so well up to that point. But when she put factual words into her clearly fictitious liberal’s mouth, Clarice well and truly screwed the pooch and ruptured her verisimilitude altogether; as we all know, liberals DON’T KNOW ANY FACTS. In fact, shitlibs deeply loathe and fear them] like the cancer, scuttling away at high speed to the nearest available Safe Space™ at the merest suggestion that a Fact™ might be skulking about in their vicinity, rushing to bar all doors and windows, turning off the lights, then hiding in a closet or under a desk until the dangerous Microagressor™ has passed. Nothing wrong with a good yarn, of course, and Feldman always was a skilled spinner of ’em. But dammit, don’t piss down my leg and tell me it’s raining, ol’ girl. You can’t kid a kidder, y’know.

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Dream ammo

Posted on March 31, 2022March 31, 2022 by Mike

Yours may differ, which is fine, but my own gets a mention here.

Thought I would take a minute to jot my thoughts on ballistics before we redeploy. We’ve been in heavy fighting the last few days.

5.56 works just fine on people, provided you don’t have to shoot through anything heavy. Not sure where it got the rep of not working. Expectations too high, most likely. People we shoot with it fall down and die. Very accurate.

The M4 is the perfect size. It is an excellent system, ergonomically. For law enforcement, it is perfect. For military work, with the exception of the cartridge, it is also.

We need to quit trying to optimize performance in tissue, from a military point of view. Do all that you want for cops, hunters, armed citizens but leave us out of it. I just spent the last 10 months in urban combat as an adviser to the Iraqi Army, so I have a few opinions.

Whatever round we get needs to penetrate stuff. And I don’t mean dribble out the other side. It needs to blast through cover, then through the dude behind it and preferably the dude behind him. It should, at a minimum, penetrate:

2 mm mild steel
2 inches hard wood
2 car doors with windows down
Trunk, back seat, front seat and dash
2 stacked AK 47 mags with steel cased ammo

AND do all this at minimum 250 meters. If you can get it to do this, it’ll flatten people too.

By mid WWII, ALL 30.06 was steel cored armor piercing for this very reason. Nobody who’s ever used it has complained about effectiveness. While we’re at it, we should go ahead and make it incendiary as well. No point in carrying different types. For the squeamish, it could be formulated to only ignite on hard targets. Personally, I want the guy to burst into flames when I shoot him.

So do I, bub, so do I. You said a mouthful with that, one which I will most enthusiastically second from way over here.

Hammerdown

Posted on March 29, 2022March 31, 2022 by Mike

DeSantis the Barbarian by-God don’t let up.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis said on Tuesday that the Walt Disney Company “crossed the line” when it announced its intention to repeal the Parental Rights in Education bill, which DeSantis signed into law on Monday.

During a press conference in Tallahassee on Tuesday, DeSantis told reporters, “For Disney to come out and put a statement and say that the bill should have never passed and that they are going to actively work to repeal it, I think one was fundamentally dishonest, but two, I think that crossed the line.”

He added: “this state is governed by the interests of the people of the state of Florida. It is not based on the demands of California corporate executives. They do not run this state. They do not control this state.”

To no one’s surprise, there’s much, much more of this wonderful stuff. For instink:

Just one day after Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed into law the Parental Rights in Education bill, the Republican is now suing the federal government for its never-ending mask mandate for public transportation and airlines.

More than two years since Covid-19 reached our shores, the Biden administration is still ordering that Americans wear face coverings on planes and to commute. After the Trump administration opted not to require masks on public transport, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued an order in late January 2021, which prompted one from the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) in February 2021 shortly after Biden’s inauguration. Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody says these federal agencies “never had the power to issue” these mandates.

TSA’s rule was supposed to expire in May of last year but was instead extended to September, then January of 2022, then March, and now April. DeSantis and a horde of other states are trying to change that by arguing that the federal mask mandate goes beyond the CDC’s authority and violates state laws that ban forced masking.

“It’s not something that’s grounded in any science,” DeSantis said during the press conference, showing that just like you don’t have to be a biologist to know what a woman is, you don’t have to be a virologist to understand basic sense. “If you have somebody sitting in the window seat and they’re nibbling on peanuts for two and a half hours, they can have their mask down. You have the person in the middle seat that is not eating, and if they just want to read a magazine without their mask, then somehow that would be a big problem.”

“Florida has led the nation in standing up to misguided federal government policies and fighting back against heavy-handed mandates that have no scientific backing,” DeSantis said. “If politicians and celebrities can attend the Super Bowl unmasked, every U.S. citizen should have the right to fly unmasked. It is well past time to get rid of this unnecessary mandate and get back to normal life.”

Yet more enheartening quotes from Ron the Great at the link. Circling back around to the infamous and inhumane “Let’s Lynch All Teh Gheys!!!” bill—as Leftards have labelled it in their usual calm, rational, not at all overly dramatized manner—our enemies have slipped up and given the game away.

Teachers Who Insist They’re Not Teaching Your Kid About Sex Also Weirdly Outraged By Ban On Teaching Your Kid About Sex
ORLANDO, FL—On July 1st, teachers throughout Florida will no longer be permitted to encourage discussions about sex with children in grades kindergarten through grade 3. Florida teachers have been adamant that they’ve never encouraged such discussions in their classrooms but they are weirdly outraged that they will no longer be able to.

“I have never once told a boy they are really a girl, or a girl they are really nothing, or a man that they should be comfortable loving children. Not once. BUT IT’S OUTRAGEOUS THAT I CAN’T,” said Ms. Feilershiek, a kindergarten teacher at Chickasaw Elementary, while picketing in front of her school instead of teaching children.

One third-grade teacher, Mx. Pat Frumouge (ze/zir), had begun teaching zeir students about LGBTQ culture full-time ahead of the July 1st deadline.

“Look, I don’t groom any kids. But I have to constantly explain why I look like a porcelain fish-being,” ze said, visibly shaken. “This law is going to erase me as an individual. My sexual identity and favorite kinks are my entire identity…if I can’t share that with children—which I don’t—then I don’t know what I’m going to do. Teach math?”

Children at Chickasaw Elementary School are reportedly failing at math and science but excelling at peer-pressuring other children to switch genders at will. Teachers insist the kids are doing that on their own, however.

According to sources, teachers are preparing for the next year by abandoning all subjects entirely in favor of full-time LGBTQ lectures to make up for the fact they won’t be able to indoctrinate children next year—even though they don’t do that.

And again, we have to ask ourselves: is it satire, or is it for real? It just gets harder and harder to tell. Pity the folks at the Bee; they have the toughest jobs in the world. Trying to find a way to effectively exaggerate the Left’s positions and statements—already so extreme they observably warp and distort actual physical reality—for purposes of satire must exhaust a body to the very edge of total collapse. Meanwhile, another whackadoo shitlib demonstrates why the loony Left can never really be defeated.

The angry teachers of TikTok are rolling in after Governor Ron DeSantis signed the Parental Rights in Education law (also known as “Don’t Say Gay,” because politics demands that every bill signed by a Republican must be demonized). The word “gay” is not in the bill. The bill actually protects children in pre-K through third grade from being assaulted with discuccion of sex and gender issues that they are not ready to handle. For some reason, people on the left are having meltdowns because they can’t talk about their personal sex lives with little children and, in a bizarre trend, they’re making videos about it…

Libs of Tik Tok on Twitter is at the forefront of exposing all the teachers who are carrying on like stuck pigs because they can’t indoctrinate children anymore (at least in Florida). Not only did the bill outlaw discussions of sex and gender with students from pre-K to third grade, but it also outlawed hiding information from K-12 parents about their children’s gender identity or any other information that would be important for them to know. There is a disturbing trend of public schools actively keeping secrets from parents that has led to suicide attempts and harm to children. In Florida, that’s no longer allowed.

But at least one teacher, Amber Mercier who works at The Academy, says she’ll keep lying to parents about their kids, and she’s willing to lose her job over it.

Mercier is gay, and she believes keeping secrets about sexuality from her students’ families — if the student wants her to — is worth losing her job over. “I just want to go ahead and state that I would rather lose my job than out one of my students to their families. Being a safe person and a safe place for kids who don’t have that at home is one of the best parts of being a teacher, so, yeah, I’m not doing it. Fire me, sue me, take me to jail — I’m not doing it.”

Okey doke, fine by me then.

As if the previous nutjob and her oath to lose her job weren’t radical enough, though, there’s also this clearly sane, perfectly normal adult.

Teachers are DESPERATE to talk to little kids about sex. It’s a disorder pic.twitter.com/6lWzpdWhBy

— Libs of Tik Tok (@libsoftiktok) March 27, 2022

Only one correct response to that proposition, I believe.

See what I mean about it being impossible to defeat them, though? For Leftards, EVERY hill is a hill worth dying on. Plus, they DO NOT moderate, they DO NOT yield, they DO NOT bargain in good faith. For these relentless zealots, every setback is only temporary, their eyes always locked on the ultimate goal. They’re a lot like cyborgs in that. You can’t defeat them; you can only either shut them down or destroy them. Listen, and understand.

1

Can’t get enough of that DeSantis stuff

Posted on March 29, 2022March 29, 2022 by Mike

I missed this oldie but goodie its first time around, but it’s still solid gold.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — In an exclusive interview with The Federalist, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis challenged the right to take a proactive stance on cultural issues, not just a defensive one.

“Do you want to be the Harlem Globetrotters or do you want to be the Washington Generals? D.C. Republicans, a lot of them are my friends, but they’re like lovable losers,” he said. “They let the corporate media define the narrative and it’s like trying to fight your way out of a wet paper bag. You have to reject these narratives.”

Recognizing Americans who “aren’t captive to the Acela corridor or the far left coast,” DeSantis noted a hunger for strong and active conservative leadership. “If all you’re doing is, the Democrats propose $2 trillion in infrastructure [legislation], so we say we’ll do $1.5 trillion, that’s not going to animate anybody,” he said. “That’s just Me Too Republicanism and ultimately that’s not going to be successful.”

While so many Americans feel they’re on the defensive against an onslaught of cultural threats to their faith, families, and patriotism, DeSantis encouraged them to fight back. “The goal is not to just lose ground more slowly,” he said. “The goal is to regain ground in an offensive direction.”

“This last year was a fundamental test [for the Republican Party] about leading against lockdowns and leading to get kids in school and leading to make sure people weren’t under the yoke of oppressive regulations,” said the governor, noting his lawsuit against the federal Center for Disease Control over its attempt to force the cruise industry to require vaccine passports from passengers. “We are going to pry open every portion of this country one way or another.”

Plenty more where that came from, folks. Don’t miss a single scrumptious word, you’re gonna love it.

A thing of the mind

Posted on March 28, 2022March 28, 2022 by Mike

Wait, did you guys know about this and not tell me or something?

The Conch Republic was born on April 23, 1982, in response to a United States Border Patrol Blockade of the Florida Keys. Since the United States insisted on treating the Keys like a foreign country, Mayor Dennis Wardlow seceded from (the) Union. Today we stand proudly as a community of who have “Sovereign State Of Mind” and as the “People who seceded where others have failed”

The Conch Republic (also known as Key West and the Florida Keys) like many nations was born from trouble. The trouble started back in the dark days of March 1982, when the U.S. Federal Government placed a Border Patrol Roadblock at the Last Chance Saloon in Florida City.

A seventeen mile traffic jam immediately ensued as the Border Patrol stopped every car leaving or entering the Keys, supposedly searching for illegal drugs and aliens who might be hiding under the front seats, in glove compartments, and in trunks.

The media starting reporting on the unprecedented action of the Border Patrol in setting up a Border Roadblock within the United States, itself (after all, most everyone believed that the Florida Keys were indeed part of the United States!) As the stories of the traffic jam poured out across the nation and the world, visitors started canceling reservations to come to the Keys.

Community leaders started to gather around Mayor Dennis Wardlow to decide what to do. The very lifeblood of a budding tourism industry was threatened and Secessionist talk was bubbling up in each discussion. At the urging of David Paul Horan, the legal route was chosen as the first alternative and an injunction was filed against the government’s action in Federal Court in Miami.

The court essentially refused to enjoin the US Federal Government’s Border Patrol from treating the Keys like a foreign country. When the Key West delegation left the courthouse, they were met by a gaggle of the world press asking “What are you going to do, Mr. Mayor?” and Mayor Wardlow replied “We are going to go home and secede” and thus the Conch Republic was born.

On April 23rd, the Conch Republic flag was raised over city hall and the Schooner Western Union, under command of Captain John Kraus, went forth into the harbor and attacked the US Coast Guard Cutter DILIGENCE with water balloons, Conch fritters and stale Cuban bread. The DILIGENCE fought back with fire hoses and thus commenced the Great Battle of the Conch Republic. Prime Minister Wardlow surrendered and demanded foreign aid from the United States (which we are still waiting for!) The road block was quietly removed and the glorious Conch Republic was born.

Later on, the parodic, jokey nature of the Conch “secession” is made clear, more’s the pity—I was already packing a bag over here, dammit. Despite that unseriousness, the last line hints at something fairly significant.

The Conch Republic exists as a sovereign state of mind, which signifies our vision of the America which we are proud to be part of.

Glad they included that “state of mind” business, because that’s the only place where their vision of America—and, for that matter, mine—actually still exists.

2

Like a fucking BOSS

Posted on March 22, 2022March 22, 2022 by Mike

Not a story I find particularly compelling, but Ace’s opening line makes it worth a post.

Stormy Daniels Loses Appeal; She Now Owes Trump $300,000 in Lawyers Fees
—Ace

Trump is the first man in history to present a prostitute with a bill.

Heh. Gotta love it. More, and funnier still:

Michael Avenatti pushed Stormy Daniels to bring this lawsuit for his own private interest, not hers. She was always exposed to this risk of having to pay huge lawyers’ fees — California’s defamation law has a provision that punishes those who bring lawsuits to reduce public participation in political debate, and Daniels walked right into this judgment for $300,000 by brining the suit in California.

And Avenatti told her to do that.

Not only did he steal the money she was owed for her book, but he also saddled her with $300,000 in lawyers’ fees for a suit that never should have been brought, just so he’d have something to talk about with Jake Tapper and Anderson Cooper on CNN.

Oh: Coincidentally, the amount Avenatti embezzled from her for her “book” (really just another media-subsidized political hit and undisclosed, money-laundered campaign contribution to the Democrats) was also $300,000.

Daniels says she’ll go to jail rather than “pay a penny” to Trump.

Hey, fine by me, ya dumb cooze. Your body, your choice and all that, and Trump won’t miss the money. As a career hooker, You should feel right at home in lockdown; I’m sure it won’t be your first visit.

5

A compendium of Stupid

Posted on March 22, 2022March 22, 2022 by Mike

Having savaged the droolcase Biden, slashed Veep Kumswalla into kibbles and bits, and torn Andy Koo-mo a new squeakhole, Matt the Merciless saves the best for last.

Speaking of fossils desperately trying to rise from the tar pits, Mitt Romney is back. Like we needed this? A man too dumb to beat Barack Obama. A man who took his beating lying down and apologized to his attackers for it. A man named fucking Willard.

Yes, Mitt, you were right: Russia is the main antagonist. Unfortunately, you could not make that case during a time of bad economic policies, rising world tensions, complete catastrophe at home, the attempted destruction of the American Health Care System (COVID did that, so maybe the Chinese warranted attention, too?), and an apparent regime of compete jackasses who couldn’t find their own asses with both hands and a flashlight, on a good day, many of whom have risen from the Obama Mausoleum to reoccupy the White House.

How much it must rankle you, Willard, that the man who accused you of wanting to reintroduce slavery on the campaign trail is now sitting in the Oval Office, eating pudding and soiling himself, while you howl from the wilderness about how right you were.

Here’s your fucking cookie. Now beat it.

And then there are the (allegedly) 81 million idiots who voted for, or vigorously advocated/defended this sort of stupidity. They’re ultimately responsible for this pile of dogshit.

Where is Darwin when you need him?

Where indeed. Via MisHum.

Hold onto your hats, folks

Posted on December 2, 2021December 2, 2021 by Mike

A significant departure—SIGNIFICANT—from our usual Embed-O-Phenia music-vid fare tonight, one which I’m betting a good many if not most (if not ALL) of you guys ain’t gonna much care for. Actually, it’s hardly my usual preference in musical styles either, to be charitable about it. But I was over at a friend’s house a few years back with a cpl-three others of my usual crew of reprobates, criminals, and ne’er do wells, when my boy Travis pulled this one up on the TeeWee and we all just busted a gut laughing at it.

Oh, and apropos of not much, the guy whose house our crew was chillaxin’ at was the domicile of my friend Phillip, who is a black dude. The below vid ain’t his usual musical cup of tea either, contrary to what someone given to making assumptions about the typical relationship between our darker-complected brethren and kinda-sorta rap like this usually is. Phil is a rock and roll/surf/punk-rock drummer, against all odds, and a damned good one at that. So much for stereotypes, eh?

ANYHOO. I’m posting this as a dedication to our friends over at GFZ (I never have figured out how to ascertain who’s posted what over there for some reason; if anybody wants to clue me in, I’m all ears), on account of this recent rip re: Five-Oh, Da Man, Johnny Law, Offisah Friendly, the Po-Po.

Two things can be true at the same time:

One: Without effective policing cities will dissolve into chaos, like in San Francisco and New York City, where mass looting, violent street assaults, and quality of life crimes have rendered those cities into shitholes.

Two: This is an obscenity. There was absolutely no reason for a cop to attack a dog like that on the dog’s home porch. That was vicious and unnecessary, and the officer should be punished for that.

This is the sort of shit that turns me against cops.

It’s not just possible but reasonable and moral imperative to say “the Left’s ‘defund the police’ is bullshit but this here cop needs to be tossed out like the piece of shit that he is.”

Lots of ’em do, which doesn’t in any way disprove or gainsay my oft-repeated insistence that, having known and/or been related to more than a few LEOs myself over my whole damned life, there ARE still good cops around out there. Getting harder and harder to find, maybe. In fact, strike that: CERTAINLY. The white-hat cops I’ve known are all long since retired, and almost all of them swear that there’s no way in hell they’d take the job now, so far sideways have things gone since they worked as lawdogs. According to them, we’ve come a long way from “Protect And Serve,” in precisely the wrong direction. But the good ones haven’t all walked away, although the clot-shot mandate is going to see to it that they’ll be in the minority from here on out. And not just by a little bit, either.

On to the embed, which came to mind immediately when I read the GFZ post not because of the “Kilos in my bag” verse, but for the rousing (a-HENH!) chorus; trust me, it will be more than obvious why. Like I said, brace yourselves for something way, way, WAY out of the usual line here with this one. But I guar-on-tee you I’m gonna watch a little bit of it when I go retrieve the embed code from YewToob, and will laugh like hell when I do. So there. Don’t hate me ’cause I’m beautiful.

Good while back I seem to recall reading someplace that, ironically enough, Stitches (a/k/a Phillip Nickolas Katsabanis) has a stepdad who either is or used to be a cop. Don’t know if that’s true or not, and I don’t care enough to go digging around to find out, but I deeply, deeply hope that it’s so. Because, funny as I think the above video is already, that would really put the cherry on top of the sundae for me.

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