PWNED!

I fucking LOVE it.

Andrew Torba, the CEO of Gab, a free-speech alternative to Twitter, backed up President Trump’s entire account before it was deleted, and recreated it on Gab.

Gab is currently experiencing bandwidth issues over a surge in new users and attacks from liberal groups.

If Trump is looking to find a new social media platform, Torba seems to be nudging Trump to go to Gab, though it is not clear whether that is the reason behind the recreation of Trump’s Twitter account on the platform. The account has “Pro” status and states that the account was created in August 2016. The account does not follow any other accounts but has 1.2 million followers.

Those bandwidth issues appear to be genuine; when I tried to look in my own Gab page just now, this is what I got:

Gab is growing rapidly in a historic exodus from Big Tech, and fending off sophisticated attacks that seek to silence and censor your ability to Speak Freely.

While we work to scale up there will be periods of growing pains, slowness, and even downtime. We would appreciate your patience and support during this.

I was never a Twatter person, and I’m not really a Gab person either. I’m way too, umm, verbose, shall we say, to be able to live within the confines of a 240-character limit; I’ve always been way more inclined to run to 2000 words or better. Hey, what can I say, I’m a long-form kind of guy. But best wishes for all success to Gab just the same; Torba’s sly maneuver today was a thing of beauty, and I cheerfully tip my cap to him for his stylish derring-do. Why Trump didn’t make the switch over there long ago is beyond me.

Okay, I just had to share…

I thought I was done for the night after that last one, but then this came along:

January 9, 2021

INSTAPUNDIT’S CUCKING NOW? Don’t go crazy, people. They want you to go crazy. Posted by Glenn Reynolds at 8:58 am

Glenn Reynolds at InstaPundit

Inspired by this:

With all due credit to the incomparable Chris Muir.

Sorry but not-sorry Glenn: I’m with Muir on this one.

Size matters

Wait, whut?!?

John Dillermand has an extraordinary penis. So extraordinary, in fact, that it can perform rescue operations, etch murals, hoist a flag and even steal ice-cream from children.

The Danish equivalent of the BBC, DR, has a new animated series aimed at four- to eight-year-olds about John Dillermand, the man with the world’s longest penis who overcomes hardships and challenges with his record-breaking genitals.

Unsurprisingly, the series has provoked debate about what good children’s television should – and should not – contain.

Even more unsurprisingly, said “debate” revolves entirely around political correctness and shitlib shibboleths rather than how just plain fucked up the whole thing is.

Since premiering on Saturday, opponents have condemned the idea of a man who cannot control his penis. “Is this really the message we want to send to children while we are in the middle of a huge #MeToo wave?” wrote the Danish author Anne Lise Marstrand-Jørgensen.

Christian Groes, an associate professor and gender researcher at Roskilde University, said he believed the programme’s celebration of the power of male genitalia could only set equality back. “It’s perpetuating the standard idea of a patriarchal society and normalising ‘locker room culture’ … that’s been used to excuse a lot of bad behaviour from men. It’s meant to be funny – so it’s seen as harmless. But it’s not. And we’re teaching this to our kids.”

Worse still, it presents not just a male but his huge schlong specifically not as a terrifying, rape-addled fiend but as a superhero, which as we all know is COMPLETELY unacceptable.

Erla Heinesen Højsted, a clinical psychologist who works with families and children, said she believed the show’s opponents may be overthinking things. “John Dillermand talks to children and shares their way of thinking – and kids do find genitals funny,” she said.

Well hey, who doesn’t? Let him who is without sin cast the first etc. Now, who’s ready to learn something new? I know I am!

Højsted conceded the timing was poor and that a show about bodies might have considered depicting “difference and diversity” beyond an oversized diller (Danish slang for penis; dillermand literally means “penis-man”). “But this is categorically not a show about sex,” she said. “To pretend it is projects adult ideas on it.”

An “oversized diller.” Am I a bad person for finding that hilarious? Yes, there’s a still from the show’s inaugural episode included, although the depiction of this heroic Übercock might not conform to your expectations. It seems to be wearing some kind of stripey sweater, in fact. Either that, or Dillermand’s Dillywand sports some amazing tattoo work.

Ehh, no matter. Go get ’em, Penisman! Only you can save us now.

(Via MisHum)

When she’s right…

…the girl is RIGHT.



Gorillapundit helpfully converted a few of her followup Tweets to plain text:

TITANIA’S PREDICTIONS

On 22 December 2018, I called for biological sex to be removed from birth certificates.
On 17 December 2020, the New England Journal of Medicine concurred.

On 1 October 2019, I suggested that young women should be encouraged to travel alone in rural Pakistan.
On 12 October 2019, Forbes Magazine concurred.

On 19 September 2018, I criticised Julie Andrews (aka Mary Poppins) for chimney soot blackface.
On 28 January 2019, the New York Times concurred.

And so they all did. A couple more:

On 6 June 2019, I demanded an option to mute white males.
On 14 July 2020, Instagram concurred.

On 21 December 2018, I wrote an article to endorse fighting with relatives during the holiday season.
On 28 November 2019, the Nation concurred.

Titiana must have some sort of weird magical prognosticative power or something, bless her heart. For his own part, GP continues with a “Woke Or Joke?” meme compendium that’s sure to leave almost anyone totally stumped.

I bring you good tidings of great joy

No, not THOSE good tidings of etc. In welcome contradiction of my recent claim concerning the routine failure of the Get Woke Go Broke boycotts to result in anybody actually, y’know, Going Broke:

In early 2019 Gillette released its infamous “toxic masculinity” commercial which effectively accused its loyal customer base of being bullies and sexual predators. That ad sparked an angry backlash of men who are fed up with SJW attacks on them, and who vowed to stop buying Gillette products. (I’m one of them.) Six months later Procter & Gamble had to take an $8 billion impairment charge due to Gillette’s declining sales and the declining book value of the Gillette brand, which caused P&G to have an overall $5 billion loss that quarter.

We don’t know how many millions of men quit buying Gillette products after it went hyper-woke, because P&G isn’t telling us. But the Securities and Exchange Commission does require P&G to document problem areas and potentially impaired assets.

Procter & Gamble’s 10-K published in August for the fiscal year ending 6/30/2020 is a long slog of a report, but in summary, things are going well for all P&G units except “Shave Care”.

Hilariously, P&G attempts to lay the blame for Gillette’s sudden collapse on…wait for it…waaaait for it…THEVIRUSTHEVIRUSTHEVIRUS!!!™ Because, y’know, reasons. Buck cheerfully takes a lance to that lame-ass boil.

It’s weird, but as I perused this 10-K report, I found that there is only one P&G unit that may have an upcoming impairment charge, and that one unit is its “Shave Care” unit. Covid apparently isn’t having an impact on Old Spice sales (Old Spice is part of P&G’s “Beauty Care” division), but those same men still buying Old Spice aftershave have stopped buying Gillette razors. Yeah right. Or maybe it’s because P&G hasn’t yet run any commercials where it slanders its Old Spice users as bullies and sexual predators.

P&G tries out several other rationales while scrupulously avoiding any mention of the ill-considered foray into the Kingdom of Woke as a possible cause for Gillette auguring in. Lest we forget, the Male Hate ads were by no means Woke Gillette’s only misfire:

That scarifying offense against pretty much everything imaginable inspired a pictorial response from me, which I’m happy to repost now in celebration of the Big Faceplant.

 

 


Tragically, the post with the above images was vaporized in last year’s blog-buster hack, along with the images themselves and pretty much everything else. But I did have copies here on the local machine, thank goodness.

 

Kill Bill

Nobody brings the heat quite like Ace does. Exhibit A:

Cartoonishly Fat Democrat Huckster Bill Kristol Dream-Journals for Hours on Twitter About What the New Political Party He’ll be Leading Will be Called
—Ace

Serious. People.

Who’s going to follow this obese, cognitively-declining traitor anywhere?

Fuck, I wouldn’t follow this gelatinous pile of failure and decay into an Arby’s. And I would actually like to go to an Arby’s.

He’s just sitting there on Twitter like an unemployed grifter (hey… ) noodling about what he’s going to call his Fantasy Political Party.

He’s going to be a leader of men?

How does that work? Are we now choosing male leaders based on cup size?

It’s fucking pathetic. He’s so far gone he doesn’t understand that obese, elderly men talking about their fantasies on twitter should be a source for embarrassment, not a high point of his professional career.

Hey Fatso, if you’re going to fantasize, maybe fantasize about a heart-healthy cheesecake that won’t go straight to your hips.

Dude, OUCH. Also, heh. He goes on from there to savage “Dr” Joette Biden, Fake First Lady of whatever we’re gonna be calling the fake pseudo-nation formerly known as the United States of America from now on.

True colors update! Another backstabbing NeverTrump retard gets the smackdown he deserves.

And there it is…

Steve Schmidt is now officially a Democrat.

And he’s already pissed at people using “Democrat” instead of “Democratic.”

Alt Headline: Lincoln Project member fully endorses party of slavery:


OUCH and heh again. Additional bitchslappin’ hilarity here.

Although in Li’l Stevie’s defense, the ig’nernt asshole is most likely totally, blissfully unaware of that whole “party of slavery, Jim Crow, and segregation” business. Doesn’t excuse it, merely explains it. Now do Li’l Ricky “My Favorite Martian” Wilson for us, ‘kay?

Howlers

This just tickled me all to hell when I first heard it, for all sorts of reasons.



A Klezmer Christmas to one and all! When I sent that link to Brack earlier, he returned fired with another real sidesplitter, albeit not Christmas-related.



A story of Rebellion, and of justice done

A particularly hilarious one.

An Ocean Shores man said he was attacked for confronting two men for not wearing masks, and now he’s worried police are not properly investigating the case.

Daniel Troublefield, 43, said he was at the Ocean Shores IGA Sunday night when he called someone out for not wearing a mask. Inside the store, he said the conversation turned heated, But he thought that was the end of it. However, he was not expecting what happened once he walked outside.

“I curled up in the fetal position and I was just ready to die,” said Troublefield.

Oh well, better luck next time. For the rest of us, I mean.

He shared this surveillance video with KIRO 7 News, which he got from the neighboring drug store. The video shows him in the parking lot walking out to his white car, but he walks past it as he was taunted by the maskless men.

“They kept berating me with expletives, calling me a snowflake and it’s not science, it’s a hoax,” Troublefield recalled.

Looking back, Daniel said he wishes he ignored them.

“To my regret I walked up to the car. I was trying to explain it is science and you should be wearing a mask because you’re endangering me and everyone else in the store by not having a mask on,” Troublefield said.

That’s when things escalated even further.

“The gentleman tapped on my chest. And I flipped up his hat, and that’s when they both got out of the car,” Troublefield explained.

“One grabbed me by the neck in a chokehold and got me down to the ground. And before I knew it, I was getting my face pummeled with fists,” Troublefield explained.

The beating lasted about 20 seconds. The men took off and now he’s worried they’re going to get away and he won’t get justice.

Oh, you got justice in spades, Mary Sue. You just didn’t like it much, being too goddamned stupid to recognize it even when it smears your nose all over your goddamned face for ya.

Troublefield, a disabled Marine veteran,

WHAAAAT?!? Appalling. Somewhere, Chesty Puller weeps.

said he never threw one punch and even passed out.

Okay wait, are we SURE this guy was really a Marine? Because from the way the story is shaping up, we’re gonna need some solid documentation of that claim before just accepting it on faith.

His nose is now fractured, he’s had to get stitches, and he’s got bruises on his face and body.

Bill has a most delightful After photo portraying the damage done. Y’all might enjoy viewing it as much as I did, maybe. Although I can’t for the life of me imagine how.

“I’d like to see the two gentleman locked up in jail. I’d like for them to pay for what they did,” Troublefield said. “I don’t think any human being deserves to be treated like I was treated.”

So let’s tot all this up then, shall we? You:

  • Stuck your oar in where it wasn’t wanted, starting a “heated” confrontation in a store with two guys guilty of nothing more than minding their own business and acting like normal, sane, free Americans
  • Breezed RIGHT ON PAST your own car, going well out of your way seeking to dick around some more with two already-pissed-off dudes, thereby escalating a confrontation YOU provoked in the first damned place
  • Reached into a private vehicle and “flipped up” Already Pissed Off Dude’s cap, thereby committing the crime of assault against him, probably battery as well
  • Got your miserable ass whupped, but good

Didn’t “deserve” such treatment? Au contraire, cupcake; I’d say you got PRECISELY the treatment you deserved, and should try to enjoy it. God knows you worked hard enough to earn it.

This contemptible disgrace to the Corps goes on to pule about how he and his wife are “compelled” to don the Magic Mask of Submission because they suffer from unspecified “preexisting conditions,” the poor widdle dears. To which I can only offer: stay the fuck home then, you pitiful pissant. In stark contrast with the more-robust gents who dealt out the just deserts, it’s obvious that you’re too sick to be gadding about out of doors—your condition compounded by a potentially life-threatening deficiency of good sense and politesse enough to prevent your alligator mouth from writing checks your hummingbird ass can’t cash and winding up in hospital over it.

An ex-Marine, no less. Hard to believe; harder still to swallow. But there it is, Gawd help us.

Chip off the old block

Via our old friend Stephen.



In case anyone is in the dark regarding the backstory to that sidesplitting rip, I’m most happy to hip ya—not least because re-rubbing Shartwell’s smarmy face in his own public humiliation is always the right thing to do.



There won’t be another non-Democrat-Socialist “president” until well after the Coming Unpleasantness concludes, if then. But if such a thing were possible, I’d hope and pray it would be Trump Jr. The guy’s like his old man, only cranked up way past 11.

A real breakthrough in the gender-bender wars

FINALLY.

Chuck Norris Comes Out Of Closet As Even More Of A Man
DALLAS, TX—In an explosive interview, Chuck Norris has come out of the closet, finally revealing to the world that he is even manlier than everyone originally thought.

“It’s time to come clean. I’ve been living a lie for so long,” said the martial arts master and action movie star. “For a long time, everyone thought I was a regular manly man who could defeat bad guys with a single roundhouse kick, but the reality is that I think I’m at least three men trapped inside one man’s body.”

The action star went on to explain that for decades, he attempted to conceal his epic manliness in order to blend in with normal men, but kept failing as he amassed black belt after black belt.

“Some people in my life did grow suspicious when it was found that my tears cure cancer even though I’ve never cried, or when it was discovered that Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas. I always had some excuse to explain it away, but I’m tired of living that life,” he said.

Scientists worry that if Chuck Norris chooses to outwardly live as his fully manly self, it could be the end of all life in the universe as we know it. Chuck Norris has assured us that if he does accidentally end the universe with his epicness, we don’t have to worry because he’ll just slap together a new one.

I wish you all the best on your courageous, heroic journey of transition, Chuck. Verily, you are an inspiration to us all.

NYC gets the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree it voted for

Good. And. Hard.


What with the above sorry spectacle, plus THEVIRUSTHEVIRUSTHEVIRUS!!! skulking about to deepen the whole disaster, it adds up to a real haymaker of a holiday punch. I’m afraid there’s only option remaining now.



No Rudolph on the horizon to pull our chestnuts out of the fire this time, sad to say. Hey, better luck next year, kiddies. Not to worry; I’m SURE “president” Biden will be able to put things right for 2021.

I do so love a woman with spunk

Looks like the theme for tonight’s posting is gonna be “unity.”

Independent journalist Megyn Kelly knocked Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden and other left-wingers over Biden’s calls for “unity” after “viciously” attacking President Donald Trump and his supporters for four years.

Kelly first mocked a tweet from Biden’s account calling for a nation “united,” “strengthened,” and “healed.”

“Written like a man who’s been in his basement for a year,” Kelly said.

Her quip brought numerous Biden defenders into her replies, criticizing her for mocking Biden’s call to unity. Kelly refused to back down, however, and pointed out that Biden’s message is disingenuous considering the vitriol and hate that has been directed toward Trump every year of his presidency as well as the tens of millions of Americans that voted for him.

“Half of the country has been demonized as awful for four years just for supporting their president who was falsely accused of Russian collaboration, wrongly impeached & attacked relentlessly by the [left] & a dishonest media. And now it’s ‘let’s heal!’ ‘Unity!’ Good luck,” Kelly responded to University of Chicago economist Austan Goolsbee.

Biting as those ripostes were, they’re mild stuff indeed compared to what Megyn had waiting in her bandoleer for them. Don’t know quite what’s going on with that girl of late. But after her early tussle with Trump, bringing on the disastrous personal consequences that typically befall those who have committed a similar miscalculation, she’s surely been in fine form since. She’s demonstrated some serious mettle, skillfully wielded, and I have to say I’m digging the show. So I’ll just offer Ms Kelly a hearty “You GO, girl!” while I sit back in eager anticipation of more.

Silver lining found!

At least the Benedict Arnolds at Faux News are suffering for their treachery.

Internal Fox News Numbers Reveal Catastrophic Viewership Collapse

FOLLOWING FOX NEWS PREMATURELY CALLING THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION IN FAVOR OF JOE BIDEN, THE NETWORK’S RATINGS HAVE PLUMMETED TO NEVER BEFORE SEEN LEVELS BELOW CNN AND MSNBC.

Too bad, so sad. Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of assholes.

Last Friday’s ratings for the supposedly “conservative” outlet were less than both CNN and MSNBC for the first time in years, according to an internal Fox document containing viewership analytics.

The numbers show that on November 6th, Fox pulled 2,266,000 viewers while CNN saw nearly twice as many at 4,009,000 viewers. Similarly, MSNBC, per Fox’s internal numbers, counted 2,983,000 viewers, beating Fox by over 700,000 viewers.

This, mind, after having been the overwhelming ratings champ for years now. Savor the deliciousness in my boldface below:

The Fox News Channel crashed in ratings on Saturday, coming in a distant third place to leader CNN and second place MSNBC. In the week before Tuesday’s election Fox News averaged more than double the viewership of CNN and MSNBC.

Fox viewers have been in revolt since election night when the cable network called states early for Joe Biden while holding off calling states for President Trump.

Ace twists the knife.

The liberal Murdoch boys and their liberal socialite useless wives have decided to reposition Fox as a leftwing channel.

They think they can keep most of their unfashionable, racist current audience — we’re too stupid and sheeplike to object or change our habits! — while making more money, as they get more advertising revenue from left-leaning megacorporations, and Google starts allowing their articles to appear on the first page of search results.

The plan depends on “keeping most of their unfashionable, racist current audience,” plus picking up some liberals. Liberals who apparently want CNN-style liberalism but with Shrieking Eagle graphics and country music in the bumpers.

In other words: They want to keep the current audience by giving the current audience what it does not want, and attract a Phantom Audience of leftwingers who want their CNN-style leftwing bias with a Fox News branding, for some reason.

The plan depends on whether we’re stupid and sheeplike enough to continue watching them even while they stab us in the back.

Early indicators say: We’re not that stupid and sheeplike.

The self-immolation of Faux News may not feel like all that much of a victory after a long, dreary week of catastrophic defeats. But it IS a victory nonetheless, and I’ll take it.

Texas tale

Ironbear posted this in the comments, and it’s just too dang good a story not to bring it right out front.

Texas Beer Joint Sues Church In Mt. Vernon , Texas
Drummond’s Bar began construction on expansion of their building to increase their business. In response, the local Baptist (church) started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground! 

After the bar burning to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about the power of prayer, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

The judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and  the defendant’s reply, and at the opening hearing he commented…

“I  don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who  believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that now does not.” 

As the ‘Bear says, it’s that last line from Da Judge that really makes it sing.

Don’t try to peddle that shit in Texas, y’all

Not wanted, not needed, not welcome.

As noted in previous threads, there has been an organic movement by Team Trump to show up at Biden-Harris campaign events and outnumber the Biden supporters.

This effort has an origination in Miami-Dade by Latinos for Trump confronting Kamala Harris in early October, has grown throughout and is a direct way to push-back against the false polling claims and narratives by mainstream media.

Additionally, the Biden-Harris bus has been dogged by parades of MAGA Trump supporters forming caravans of flag waving vehicles and following the route. Yesterday, Biden-Harris cancelled stops in Texas because they were outnumbered by Trump supporters, and as they departed the lone star state Team Texas provided the escort.

Despite all the recent talk about “the purpling of Texas” because of an influx of refugees from Kommiefornia, it would seem that the liberal locusts haven’t gotten the job done entirely just yet. For now, anyway, Texas remains a Real American state. Let’s all celebrate with some sweet, sweet liberal tears, shall we?

CENTRAL TEXAS (KXAN) — Supporters of President Donald Trump allegedly harassed a Joe Biden-Kamala Harris bus as it traveled through Central Texas on Friday, according to Democratic activists.

Videos and photos posted on social media show a long line of vehicles flying Trump flags trailing the Biden-Harris bus as it traveled north from San Antonio on I-35. In some images, the bus appears to be boxed in by the vehicles.

In a Twitter thread, historian Eric Cervini, who said he traveled to Texas to help the Biden-Harris campaign, said the Trump supporters waited on I-35 to “ambush” the bus.

The Biden campaign told CNN’s Jake Tapper that Trump supporters put “staff, surrogates, supporters and others in harm’s way.”

“Harassed”? “Ambush”? “In harm’s way”? OOOOOOO, SCARY! Except…

As of Saturday morning, no injuries have been reported as a result of the incident.

Hmmm, I see. Get back to me when as many of yours have been beaten, stabbed, and shot dead as have ours, you sniveling pantywaists.

Clown show

Treating THEVIRUSTHEVIRUSTHEVIRUS!!!™ with precisely the gravity it merits.

The Oregon Health Authority, offering a public service announcement for Halloween, featured two doctors dressed in costumes, with one dressed as a clown while she announced the daily death statistics and new cases of COVID-19 in the state.

Wearing a red tie, polka dot shirt, bright yellow pants, and a clown face made from makeup, senior health advisor and pediatrician Dr. Claire Poche stated:

Hello. I’m Dr. Claire Poche. I’m a general pediatrician and also a senior health advisor here at the Oregon Health Authority. I’m here with Shimi Sharief, my colleague, who’s also a senior health advisor, and we thought we’d start by giving you a quick update on where we are as a state with COVID-19. As of today, there have been 38,160 cases of COVID-19 in Oregon, with 390 new cases being reported today. Sadly, we are also reporting three deaths today, bringing the statewide total for COVID-19 related deaths to 608.

I know I said I was going to resist embedding any more Tweets from now on unless it was absolutely necessary, but I think we can all agree that in this instance, it most certainly is.



It’s not a good idea; it’s a fucking great idea. I mean, come on: even confirmed clown Lori Lightfoot will never top this.

What he said

Can’t argue with this. I mean it literally can’t be done.

The way Trump—the way China will respond is when we gather the rest of the world that in fact [unintelligible] in… in… fr- in in in in open trade and making sure that we’re in a position that the world uh that, that we deal with WHO the right way that, in fact, that’s when things begin to change, that when China’s behavior is going to change.

Absolutely! Thanks for “clearing that up” for us there, Gropey.

Death never sleeps

The Reaper stalks Cadaver Joe.

While Joe Biden has been handling a light schedule of morning campaign stops and basement naps, his campaign bus has been driving throughout the southern US.

In Houston, one Trump supporter decided to troll the Biden team by driving a hilariously decked-out hearse behind the bus with MAGA-approved branding.

The majestic vehicle has some generic Trump 2020 decals, but it’s the other messages on this baby that takes it to that next level of trollery. Here are a few of them:

  • “Collecting Democrat votes one dead stiff at a time.”
  • “Dig ’em Deeper, Bury ’em Cheaper Funeral Parlor”
  • “Clinton Foundation Suicide Limo Service – 1-800-HANG-URSELF”
  • “Official Democrat Cemetery Vote Collector”

At every campaign stop Gropey’s Griftermobile makes, the hearse stops close by and sets up a display featuring an open casket—which ones imagines is beginning to look downright inviting to Cadaver Joe at this stage of his self-inflicted ordeal—along with a big sign admonishing, “Don’t forget 10% percent for the Big Guy.” According to the article, the Griftermobile has even resorted to blowing through redlights in a desperate attempt to ditch their tail, apparently with no joy so far.

Yes, there are pictures and video included, and they’re hilarious. But they’re embedded in Tweets, which I’m trying to stay away from posting as much as I possibly can from here on out, just on principle. Anyways.

The driver of the hearse indicated that local law enforcement had shown support for the hilarious display.

“Been getting thumbs up from all the cops around here,” said the man. “At least we know we got their support. Even though they can’t say nothing, they still support us.”

At the time of publishing, the Biden bus had reportedly pulled away from their campaign stop after no supporters showed up. The hearse team seemed to be in hot pursuit. We look forward to updating you on any further hilarious developments.

No wonder poor Gropey seems kinda jumpy and out of sorts of late. Or more so than usual, let’s say.

FLASH!!! BREAKING NEWS!!! MAN BITES DOG!!! PIGS TAKE FLIGHT!!! STOP THE PRESSES!!!!

Hold onto your hats, people. Sit down, swallow whatever you might be drinking, and brace yourself for the most unexpected, unprecedented, and incredible event since the Great Flood.

Ready for it?

Here we go: Today, on some rando’s podcast blatherfest, JOE BIDEN ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING THAT’S TRUE!!! Probably for the very first time in his entire worthless life!

Inadvertently, natch.

Was he misspeaking or just opening his mouth and removing the filter between his brain and mouth? Was it a Joe Bidenesque Freudian slip sniff?

Biden was holding a rare campaign event – via video – when he boastfully proclaimed that his campaign operates “the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics.”

Worse? He was cribbing from notes.

CF FACT CHECK: The claim that Joe Biden said something that was not a bald-faced lie, whether on purpose or not, has been rated by our investigative staff as 100% percent ACCURATE.

Verily, the End Times are nigh.

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Notable Quotes

"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

"There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters." — Daniel Webster

“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it’s profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.” – Frank Zappa

"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged." - GK Chesterton

"The only way to live free is to live unobserved." - Etienne de la Boiete

"History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid." — Dwight D. Eisenhower

"To put it simply, the Left is the stupid and the insane, led by the evil. You can’t persuade the stupid or the insane and you had damn well better fight the evil." - Skeptic

"There is no better way to stamp your power on people than through the dead hand of bureaucracy. You cannot reason with paperwork." - David Black, from Turn Left For Gibraltar

"The limits of tyranny are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress." - Frederick Douglass

"Give me the media and I will make of any nation a herd of swine." - Joseph Goebbels

“I hope we once again have reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: As government expands, liberty contracts.” - Ronald Reagan

"Ain't no misunderstanding this war. They want to rule us and aim to do it. We aim not to allow it. All there is to it." - NC Reed, from Parno's Peril

"I just want a government that fits in the box it originally came in." - Bill Whittle

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