Is that a tin cup I hear rattling?

Could I possibly pick a more inopportune time for a Fall Fundraiser? What with the on-purpose and with-malice-aforethought derailing of the Trump economic juggernaut via unnecessary lockdowns; widespread civil unrest and violence; open revolutionary maneuvering from the more treacherous of our two political parties, and such-like unprecedented national angst, mounting a successful fundraiser would seem to be an extremely dubious proposition at the very best. For anybody, much less me.

But needs must, alas. Among other calamitous modern problems currently dogging the Casa CF balance sheet, I have an automobile engine-swap that badly needs doing most ricky-tick, something I dasn’t tackle my own self—lacking as I do both the equipment and the upper-blody strength to pull the job off without ending up squished flatter than a Joe Biden speech, a Ford 2.0-liter i4 cuddling snugly atop my chest and/or skull. I’ll have to hire the job done, to my eternal shame and disgrace as a proud, lifelong gearhead.

On the brighter side, I’ve been checking the local salvage yards, and there are a few compatible junkyard-mills to be had for as little as three hundred bucks. These motors all come with the reassurance and peace of mind that only an ironclad thirty-day guarantee can bring, so assumedly aren’t cursed with any of the same broken timing chains, bent valves, and maybe even holed piston-domes that combined to leave me stranded and forlorn on northbound I-85’s Brookshire off-ramp just over a month ago.

So yeah, we’ll just plunge on ahead with Ye Olde CF Blogge’s Fall Begathon nonetheless, and be damned to omens heralding the possibility of a lackluster outing. I didn’t do a Spring fundie the last two years, an event that had been more or less of a regular thing in years previous. So what the heck, this one’s actually overdue when you really think about it, right?

The PayPal “Support” link over there in the right sidebar awaits whatever alms y’all generous souls might be able to scrounge up and toss into the battered ol’ hat, even the most miserly of which will be very humbly appreciated by Ye Olde Blogge Hoste. I’ll leave this announcement up top for the remainder of the week, and hope for the best. Thanks, gang!

CF Emporium coming together

I’m slowly but surely getting Ye Olde CF Shoppe populated with mercantile goods many and varied; getting ready to go to work on the female-oriented clothing now, with an eye towards casting as big a net as possible here. I mean, DUDE: license plate frames? Keychains? It appears the sky’s the limit with this stuff. I mean, SRSLY, people—how could anybody not love this?

Also looking to work the CFE image in the sidebar over a bit too, I think, maybe even try to find a way to offer a rotating set of product images along with it via javascript. That is to say, I know it can be done; what’s unclear is whether it can done by me.

A question, though: a couple of you folks have mentioned having already made a purchase from the CFE, but I have yet to find the place in the store CP that logs and tracks such things. If anybody out there has prior experience enough with CafePress to know about that, do feel free to clue me in, willya? That is all for now, thankee muchee.

Update! Hrmph. Already I can see I need to do more original designs here. LOTS more.

Publick notice

Okay, got the brand new Cold Fury Emporium up and running, more or less, although it’s quite sparsely populated at the moment. I need to put an image and link over in the right sidebar next, which will be happening anon. I’ll be adding more products over the next days and weeks as well, of course, after which will begin the long, arduous process of tweaking the shop’s appearance and layout until my compulsive fumble-fucking around has utterly ruined the thing’s ability to function forever.

Because hey, that’s what I am, it’s what I do. I’m famous amongst those who know me best for the ingrained inability to leave anything alone, I do admit it. Seems to be in my DNA.

Also, for those of y’all who have noticed a certain, shall we say, inconstancy in posting the new Donnybrook each week…well, see, there’s a reason for that. After the first few weeks, I noticed that comments were usually topping out around 35 or so for each installment, which number seemed to me to be a fine point to put the old, tired post to bed and crank up a new one. So I’ve decided to wait until each Donnybrook reaches around thirty to thirty-five comments, which I consider reasonable enough, and then replacing it. God help me should this hogwallow ever start to get into the frenetically stratospheric comment numbers some other sites out there do. I wouldn’t know whether to shit or go blind at that point, honestly, and would probably just collapse into a gibbering, catatonic heap.

Rises again

So in our latest Donnybrook installment, SteveF suggests putting out some CF merch, with kenny and Barry offering their dittos in support. He but little realized I was way ahead of him, long years ago. As I replied:

Actually, I did have, but it got to be too much to keep up with, honestly. Sales started off pretty brisk–they WERE nice shirts and stickers, if I do say so myself–but that meant I was always late getting orders packed and shipped and such-like folderol. So some years back I set up a CafePress store, uploaded the designs and all that, put up a sidebar link, and…didn’t sell a one, or not that I know of. Now I’ve completely forgotten the login and pass to the damned thing, and…well, heck, you’re right, I need to start all over again with the whole merch thing, don’t I?

I then threatened to dig up the old designs (I was rather proud of of ’em, actually) and post them here because hey, why the hell not. I still have a box of the actual shirts stored someplace or other, but the stickers I had made were snapped up pretty quick, I’m afraid; I gots no clue where the P-shop files for them might have wandered off to, alas. But here are the shirt designs:

My own personal fave, on a light beige/off-white shirt.

Why yes, that DOES look an awful lot like I might’ve appropriated the H-D bar and shield just a wee mite for the front of this one, don’t it?

The black one was front-only, nothing on back.

There were three, count ’em, 3 shirt designs, with a small image on front and a bigger one on back. I still have one of ’em myself, a faded, threadbare example fit only for working on motorcycles, painting living rooms, puppy-training, and whatnot.

Actually, looking at these things now, they seem to be reconstructions of the originals; the “Anger management” shirt is the one I still have, and the font above isn’t the same at all. If you’ll notice, too, the orange color on the front design is way different than the “Anger management” side. Also, I don’t remember the black one having any kind of slogan on it at all, just Angry Guy, the CF logo, and the “Harshing your etc” motto. But I could easily be all wet on that one. I need to scrounge up that box of shirts and check one of these days, I reckon. Pretty sure I know where it is. Pretty sure.

I liked the CafePress store, I must say. It made the whole enterprise one hell of a lot easier on me, plus I could offer things like coffee mugs and mouse pads—items I would never have been able to afford having printed up and then only selling a handful of them. Yeah, the price was/is a lot higher with CP, and the profit margin slimmer. Maybe that’s the reason I never sold a damned thing with it.

If I can find that ol’ box of shirts, assuming they haven’t gone all moldy and mildewy or been gnawed by vermin over lo, these many years, maybe we could have some sort of CF contest with those as the prizes or something. Might be just the thing to help celebrate the imminent 19th (!!!) birthday (9/14/01, if I recall correctly) of this here den of internet iniquity, no?

Oh yeah, here’s the image for the sidebar link to Ye Olde CF Mercantile Shoppe, just for grins ‘n’ giggles:

Shop-logo.jpg

Yes, I actually did have honest-to-goodness shopping cart software set up and functional, while it lasted. The CF Shop was the first online store I ever built—OSCommerce, I believe, is what I used for running the backend of the thing. In fact, I was happy enough with OSCommerce that I used it several times afterwards for other commercial sites I worked on as well. Kind of a steep learning curve initially, or seemed so to my dumb ass, anyway. But not too bad, and once you got it all sussed out it was easy-peasy.

All in all the OSC software worked great: almost astoundingly customizable and tweakable; completely reliable; and readily adaptable to most any kind of online store you might wish to use it for, from music or audiobook downloads to (probably) amateur Pr0n (I’m guessing). Plus, it was also, y’know, free. Lots of useful plugins available for it too, most of those also free. If you’re thinking of setting up an e-commerce site, you could do a lot worse than OSC. I endorse the heck out of it.

Update! DANG, those images are big! Need to get into P-shop and shrink ’em down a bit. Sorry for all that bandwidth wastage, peeps.

Restored Kipling

Well, I have no idea what the hell that was about, but over the weekend my brand-new Kipling sub-page seems to have got et somehow. Naturally, since I built the thing in the WP-native, server-based code editor instead of my usual third-party blogging software, I had no backup for it. So I just reconstructed it more or less from scratch, with a few modifications here and there.

And oddly enough, I now note that there are actually a good few recent posts that have gone missing, including the original Kipling notification. This all happened after I updated WordPress and a couple of plugins Friday, which must be the cause, although I can’t imagine why such a thing would happen, and it never has before. I’ll see about restoring them all, although I’ll bet anything the associated comments are gone for good. Very bizarre—and after last year’s mysterious and crippling Rooskie hack, damned alarming, too.

Update! Okay, last Thursday night’s posts restored, comments for said posts lost forever, just as I feared. Now I’m worried that this is an indication of some unwelcome malefactor skulking about inside my site CP, rather than merely some odd WP glitch. And I ain’t digging that thought at all.

Do you Kipple?

The more astute among y’all miscreants, reprobates, and guttersnipes will no doubt have noticed a shiny, brand-new link up there in the masthead links bar called simply, “Kipling.” What the hell, you may have wondered, that seems…odd. Well, from the sub-page the link attaches to, here’s your explanation:

It would be no more than apt to call Rudyard Kipling the de facto poet laureate of the American warrior caste, along with their British cousins and a few others. Professional military men who are in the know revere him for his deep understanding of not only the eternal human condition, but of the human spirit as well. His writing is as sharp as a razor, as elegant as tulips in bloom, and as uncompromising as a punch in the mouth. Better still, the reasons soldiers so love his brilliant work—the reasons I do myself, and always have—are the self-same ones why shitlibs everywhere absolutely loathe him.

He saw clearly the obvious superiority of Western thinking, of the culture wrought by it. He was an unapologetic colonialist; the seemingly eternal sorriness of the state of affairs in most of their colonies long years after the Brits granted them their independence would seem to validate those views somewhat, to say the least. The professorial Left, in their reflexive hatred for not only Kipling but for all things colonial, has led them to almost entirely write him out of the canon of English literature; when they’re forced to mention him at all, it is only ever in the most bitterly disparaging and contemptuous of terms.

Which, as far as I’m concerned, is as robust a recommendation for him as I can possibly imagine. If you haven’t read Kipling yet, prepare yourself for a real treat, a total delight. If you have read him, but not lately, enjoy renewing your acquaintance with one of the finest writers ever gifted to the world by English-language poesy. I confess to being somewhat embarrassed that, after nineteen years toiling away in the blogging saltmines here, it only just now occurred to me how richly he merits a place on this websty. I can only beg that y’all accept my shamefaced apologies for such a grievous oversight.

A complete listing of Kipling’s poetry can be found here. Enjoy, folks.

My title above is a common ice-breaker question among military men, at least according to John Ringo, who oughta know. The page is now live, but without any poems on it at the moment. I’m gonna be working on that tonight, and probably for some little time to come yet too, I imagine, as I dive into the great man’s copious archive and remember some old treasures that I’d forgotten. Not sure how many I’m gonna post on the Kipling subpage as of yet; it’s gonna be one of those deals where I’ll find it hard to leave anything out. With Kipling, too much is never enough. Like I said: enjoy.

Publick Notice

I’ve noticed of late a sudden influx of what appear to be spurious user registrations hereabouts. My suspicions were aroused by 1) bizarre-looking usernames with a bunch of numbers in ’em, which almost nobody does in my long experience, and 2) a crap-ton of email addresses from questionable locales like thepartyzone.org, or viodehead.info and such-like.

Not at all wanting to put up with a repeat of the crippling hack that totally hosed the site for a couple of months last winter, a total catastrophe that rendered fucking 19 years’ worth of archives radioactive—ie, too hot to risk reinstating them without spending a mind-boggling amount of time sifting through the databases to remove any sinister-looking code still lurking about, time I simply do not have—I’m taking the simpler route of dumping the shady users before they can find a way to exceed their user-limitations and bring this place crashing down again.

That said, it’s entirely possible (if not damned likely) that in the course of this precautionary housekeeping I’ll delete a legit user or three that hasn’t caused any problems and harbors no ill intent. So if that sounds like you and you should find yourself 86’d unjustly, please do shoot me an email and I’ll cheerfully reinstate you, with my humblest apologies for the error.

Update! Hrmm. Wonder who this “Ferrous Ursine” character might be? Sure sounds like a miscreant to me…

Publick notice

Light posting will likely continue through the rest of the week, due to the onset of one damned thing after another that seems to constitute life at Totleigh Towers. Which is too bad, really, because at the moment I have about thirty open tabs in the Brave browser, just sitting there waiting for me to unleash my wrathful attention on ’em. This sudden tsunami of truly historical events of late threatens to drown Ye Olde Blogghoste in neglected blog-fodder here, I admit.

After a couple of days to mull it over, I’m thinking the best way to handle our new Daily Donnybrook open thread is to refresh it a couple times a week—putting up a new one, say, every Tuesday and Friday or Saturday. I’m definitely grateful to the folks who recommended doing it, if only for the sudden influx of BBQ recipes and the like in the comments; from that, it’s easy to envision this thing turning into something very damned useful indeed around this place.

Anyways, back when I can, as I can, folks. Oh, and here’s a neat little bit of arcana about that London Calling album cover some of y’all might not have heard about before:

It all began on the 20th September 1979. On that day, in Palladium club in New York took place the concert of a British rock group, The Clash. During the concert, the upset bassist wrecked his guitar on the scene, and the moment was captured on photography by Pennie Smith. Thanks to this photo, one of the most famous album covers in the history of rock came to existence.

The final version of the cover was designed by Ray Lowry. Pennie Smith at first didn’t want to allow the use of her photo, arguing that it’s blurry. Lowry convinced her that the lack of focus was in this case a good thing, as it made it more authentic and spontaneous.

London Calling cover quickly became famous all over the world. It was a pastiche, meaning a conscious reference to another piece. Lowry used composition and lettering similar to Elvis Presley’s earlier (RCA debut) album. It was a bit provocative, as Elvis was acclaimed back then as the king of rock and the less famous band The Clash was only about to begin another revolution in rock music, but in a way more hardcore version.

There’s a pic of the Simenon P-bass aftermath, too. It wound up in about the condition you’d expect, alas.

Publick Announcement

It tickles me no end to inform you that, after years of threatening bodily injury most dire to be visited upon himself, his wife, his children, and even his doggehs, our bosom chum Ironbear has at last cheerfully relented and agreed to grace us all hereabouts with an occasional post as and when the fancy may strike him. I couldn’t be happier about that, and I know you folks will feel the same way. Welcome aboard, my friend.

Update! As a few of you have recommended, I’m also going to be implementing a new open comments thread here, for the many topics I don’t get a chance to cover or just whatever comes to mind for the participants. I’d like to make it a daily thing the way Reynolds does, rather than weekly a la Bill Quick; it’s my thought that such a thing would be much easier to manage on a daily basis. Problem being, there are plenty of days I don’t even sit down at the trusty ol’ iMac at all, so realistically speaking it will probably end up being more of a three or four day a week affair.

Aside to SteveF: somewhere between the phone and the ‘puter your email vanished into the ether, which is why I never did give you a shout back. But as you can see, your lovingly-administered kick in the pants has yielded the desired result, shall we say. Ahem.

More Silverado

Barry mentioned in comments last night that he hadn’t seen Silverado yet, whereupon I responded that the movie starts kicking ass right from the opening credits and goes all the way through without letup. That whetted my appetite for a rewatching of the opener, which in turn made me think of some other personal favorite scenes from the movie, which…well, you begin to get the idea. So, for the CF crew’s Friday-night viewing pleasure, a few of my favorite scenes from one of my all-time favorite flicks. Because I care, I’ll embed ’em all below the fold so they don’t clutter up the main page.

Enjoy, y’all. Continue reading “More Silverado

Publick Notice

Got the comments weirdness all sorted out—I think—but some if not most of you will probably need to re-register yourselves and possibly change your password. For Barry: the like/dislike option is back in business too as well. I forgot to reactivate the plugin for it, that’s all. Feel free to notify me of any further dysfunction, as always. And with that, have at it, gang!

Publick Notice

As you may have noticed, I un-stickied the post advertising TL Davis’s fundraising drive for the Belmont Playboys documentary. Over the next couple-three days I’m gonna gin up an image with a link to put up in the sidebar, so as to give y’all less scrolling around in order to view the latest posts. Many thanks for your contributions, if any, and I’ll be sure to keep you seedy louts posted as things continue to move along.

Further fame beckons!

Longtime hangarounds at this here hogwallow will be quite familiar already with our friend TL Davis, whose work I’ve linked to and excerpted many times over the years. What y’all might not be aware of is that, in addition to being an accomplished blogger and novelist (I’ve recommended his novels before here, especially the great Shadow Soldier saga), TL is also a screenwriter. As it happens, in the course of a discussion of his next film project with him, TL proposed doing a documentary on my old band. So we’re off and running with that project now, kicking things off thusly:

With our first documentary Lies of Omission finally making its way to Amazon (not quite yet released) and other streaming services, we are encouraged to take the next step in filming a more mainstream documentary about the Belmont Playboys. How this rockabilly band came to our attention is a story in itself, but suffice it to say that we had other interests in common and the revelation of their talent and resiliency as a top performing band was indeed a pleasant surprise. 

From the rural North Carolina countryside, the Belmont Playboys quickly created a sound and an energy that captured the attention of a New York Times music reviewer by the name of Kathy Schoemer in 1989 as the band played the old Delta 88 club in New York City. From that moment on they were able to build a career out of doing what they loved. 

But, why do a documentary on the Belmont Playboys? First, it is in line with promoting those who believe in capitalism and freedom. That will always be a prerequisite for who we want to work with. While that may not always be possible, we will seek it out at every opportunity. Next, it is an all-American tale of talent, drive, perseverance and humor that even the folks at NPR would appreciate, creating a wider audience for the film and distribution opportunities a lot more available.

I’m thrilled to death and flattered as all git-out about this, I must say. TL is crowdfunding the trailer for the film, as a first step on the road to pitching and completing the project. As he says:

The fact is media will be forever changed by this pandemic. They are already talking about the end of theaters, which I not only doubt, but would hate to see go, but it puts companies like 12 Round on fairly even footing with big studios. Now, while they will always be able to out-spend us, the idea that they would make 100 million dollar movies that they can only stream is not a viable business model. This brings everything down to a common sense budget  and when all of those financiers no longer have to hold huge funds in reserve for big productions, more of that money will be available to smaller production companies making smaller movies that we can make. 

So, this is the first project in the new paradigm. If you like the idea, help us start getting it put together either through Fundrazr or directly through editor@twelveround.com.

Difficult as these times have suddenly become, with worse to surely follow, feel free to hit him up with some good ol’ palm-grease if you can anyway. We’ll both be grateful for it. I’ll leave this post up top for a few days, to further encourage public generosity.

Update! Had an enjoyable conference-call conversation with TL and Pete earlier today, to hash out a few ideas. TL explains the driving force underpinning this thing over at 12 Round:

We appreciate all the help we have received from the many individuals who have come along for the ride; who see in our efforts the value of being a strong voice for these American values that are daily trampled by the media horde. Our critics are right, we can’t compete with that level of competition. I wish that I did not have to ask for this help, it goes against everything I am or believe in and if I were asking for myself, to better my condition, I wouldn’t be able to do it. But, I can ask, because it is to better the reader’s condition, the condition of the nation, to bolster resistance to the communist trend, to provide for future writers of freedom and capitalism a home, drawing toward itself the talent necessary to influence future generations, especially when they start looking for answers as to why their once-prosperous nation resembles Venezuela.

To that purpose we have found a good, mainstream-type documentary that will attract investors and co-production opportunities while at the same time, perhaps enhance the lives of the Belmont Playboys, who richly deserve to be rewarded for their dedication to freedom, their undying devotion to music that inspires and enriches all our lives. With this documentary we will step into the world of the mainstream and drain some capital from the communist propagandists.

We find ourselves trying to fight a war with people who do not seem to understand the battle, how to fight and certainly not how to win. Here’s a hint: it will not be in the streets with AR-15’s, it will be in the minds of the ensuing generations if we are able to fight at all. Using the enemy’s resources against them is precisely the tactic we are about. It is why I will be using part of my communist government payout to help fund this venture. I know, there are those in this readership who would council me to keep those funds, use them to buy toilet paper without understanding the historical irony of it. To them, I should keep the fruits of communism to further emulate communism and by that somehow arrive at capitalism. It is like the illustrative insanity David Codrea likes to use when he tells of the South Park episode of the underwear bandits, where they draw out their plan to Steal Underwear——-?———-Profits. My version goes like this Communism———-?———–Capitalism. It’s irrational. One arrives at capitalism in America, by denouncing, ridiculing and exposing communism for the fraud and power grab that it is and was always intended to be.

That we are standing at the verge of a wholesale media restructuring, a realignment toward streaming services that rely on new and available forms of entertainment at an insatiable rate means we could parlay this little production company into a serious media outlet. Getting this documentary going will help, but we are involved on a number of different fronts seeking collaboration with investors and other production companies to achieve it. If the reader sees the bigger picture and sees that helping us helps them promote their understanding of America, that we are dedicated to promoting the fundamental understanding of freedom, which I suggest the very definition of which is being obliterated from the American lexicon, all the better. If not, a visit to these pages is unnecessary.

This project ain’t just about music, or one particular band, or me, or TL. Ultimately, it’s about freedom, and how we will go about restoring and retaining it. An important step in that campaign will be to gain a cultural foothold, to establish a voice for liberty and truth amid the cacophany of Progressivist falsehood.

It’s been said many times that instead of abandoning the culture wars entirely, our side desperately needs to start finding ways to embrace new technologies and concepts in order to bypass the Left’s media, entertainment, and artistic blockade. It is vital that we tell our own stories in our own ways, using new outlets of our own design to spread the good word without being subject to liberal censorship or suppression.

The ideals of liberty must win out over tyranny. This will be a long and arduous struggle. It’s high time for Team Freedom to nut up, dig in our heels, and get crackin’.

Quickie restoration report

All the Greatest Hits and Leatherballs archives are now back up and running, as well as the first of the other Outlaw Biker feature-article additions to the Leatherballs section: my interview with rocker Joan Jett. There’ll be more of those coming as and when etc; for now, I’m going to shift focus to restoring the CF post archives. Work on Ye Olde Blogrolle will continue intermittently, also as/when. I’m not too sure how much work remains to be done there, since I’m now leaning towards keeping it kind of lean and mean, you might say. Thanks for your patience in this trying time, y’all!

Site recovery update

Okay, just finished rerebuilding the Greatest Hits pages, reachable via the navbar right under Angry Guy above. Do note that the dates these things were first posted is NOT going to match the one on the new pages, since I had to create ground-up new replacement documents. It’ll be the same with the Leatherballs content too, I’m afraid.

Ye Olde Blogrolle is gonna stay the way it is for a while yet, I think. Yes, there are more worthy blogs out there that I want to put in, but right now there are way too many other things that I think are more important that need doing.

Hopefully all the new comments-section plugins are working okay for everybody; alas, I haven’t been able to find a comments-preview plugin that works with the newest version of WP, and the old one we had before the Great Crash just…doesn’t. I’ll keep checking for one occasionally; if any of y’all run across one in your travels feel free to let me know, aiight?

In the next day or two, maybe even later tonight, I think I’m gonna attempt cutting down the ginormous WordPress export file to a more manageable size and import the old archives piecemeal. Over than 18 years of posts adds up to a file size more than double the acceptable limit the WP export/import plugin can swallow, so needs must. Haven’t even begun picking through the old CF database tables yet; as I already mentioned, that daunting task is going to take months, and no way am I gonna try re-importing them into the fresh, clean new one without a VERY thorough scouring of any bogus code lurking therein first.

Next project is finishing up with rebuilding the Leatherballs archives—and, as I mentioned the other night, creating new pages to house some of my Outlaw Biker feature articles too. That might get somewhat tricky, since the originals are InDesign files with a fair number of images embedded in each page. I DO have backups of all that stuff, though, so I got that going for me at least. I really do want those up here, if only as a sort of historical-record type thing; I’m rather proud of the work I did on those, and I think even the non-biker types around here might find them of some small interest. Don’t know why it never occurred to me before, really.

Annnd…that’s about it. Now back to the saltmines for me. Betwixt time spent A) searching for items I give enough of a shit about to write up, researching them, and then posting on the one side, and 2) restoring a malevolently-wrecked website containing almost two decades’ worth of skull-sweat on the other, then iii) carving out time for the young’ un and scraping out my shamefully inadequate living, it’s quite the steely set of dilemna-horns I’m perched on here when it comes to prioritizing, scheduling, and just finding the energy to do it all. But what the hell, things are no doubt the same for you folks, I’m sure. We all just keep sloggin’ on the best we can, right?

My humble thanks to the two or three of you who tossed some coin into the ol’ PayPal pot last week to help compensate for the work I’m confronting here; it’s very much appreciated, I assure you. Equally sincere and humble thanks to each and every one of the readers and commenters out there too, as well as highly esteemed fellow bloggers like Fran Porretto, Bill Quick, Concerned American, and of course Aesop. Without the lot of you rogues, rapscallions, and rascals being present and accounted for, all this effort would be completely pointless.

Publick Notice

Another progress report: as y’all have surely noticed, the restoration of Ye Olde CF Blogge continues, although we still have a deuced long way to go yet. I’m wading through re-fabricating the Greatest Hits and Leatherballs sections currently, which just like everything else is turning out to be way more work than I first hoped. For those who never paid it much attention, the Leatherballs section consists of my regular columns for the late, (un)lamented Outlaw Biker ragazine, for whom I worked as ad and website designer for a good few years. Along the way, in addition to doing Leatherballs I also wrote a fair few featured articles, and I’m considering tossing them into the Leatherballs mix as well, just because.

An aside: I was crowned Leatherballs in the first place years ago by a close friend of mine (supposedly), who never explained just what it was supposed to mean. I was too alarmed to ask, but in due course the handle proved something of a blessing, I guess. Biker rag scribes always use several different names to write under; every biker mag I ever did hear of only had two or three people on staff, and those lonely souls wanted it to look as if they occupied a big office just a-buzz with writers, editorial staff, photogs, and the like.

The lone exception to that rule was the once-great Easyriders back in its 1970s heyday; they did have an unusually full staff complement, and employed freelance writers for their biker fiction pieces as well. Even so, mainstays like Spider and Doc Twat also worked under a cpl-three other fictitious noms de pen themselves.

An interesting note about the biker fiction: I’ve been a huge fan of Larry Brown since his first short-story collection was published. Brown died much too young; he was hands-down one of the best writers I know of, period. As it happens, he kept body and soul together until his book-contract ship finally came in by freelancing for Easyriders back in the day.

Now, I subscribed to Easyriders for years, until in the 80s it morphed into a horrible yuppie-biker dumpster fire. They abandoned truly righteous, beautiful old-school chopppers and bobjobs for godawful, completely unrideable contraptions by builders like Arlen Ness, the nekkid biker chicks for professional models*, and I lost interest entirely. But my immediate thought on reading the interview wherein Brown confessed to the ER gig was “I bet you I could go back and pick out which ones he wrote, whatever the pen name.” A lot of that biker fiction was pure dreck, almost physically painful to wade through, but some of it was actually pretty good. And there’s just no way a writer of Brown’s caliber could ever dull the brilliance of his star, no matter how hard he tried.

I have no idea of when I might be able to get all the old archived posts back up. Looks like I’m gonna have to export the old database and then re-import it into the new, clean one in order to accomplish that, and the truth is I do NOT trust the old one enough to do so without giving it a very thorough going-through first. Which means minutely examining eighteen-plus years of posts for snippets of bogus code; no minor task, by any standard. It’s going to take weeks at best, given that I also have to work seven days a week, pick up the young ‘un at school every day, along with all the other daily duties that can only be put off for so long.

All of which is to say that the post archives will be back eventually, but don’t expect miracles in a hurry here. Big, big thanks to The Sage for suggesting the Wayback Machine as a source for the restoration. That didn’t occur to me at all, and it’s been indispensable in retrieving the Greatest Hits material and other things, all of which I thought I had local backups of, but…umm…uhhh…well, sadly, NO. Chalk that up as yet another lesson learned the hardest of ways.

And now, onwards!

*Footnote: One of those models was porn-queen extraordinaire Traci Lords:

ER-Traci-Cover.jpg


Remind me to tell y’all someday my story of meeting Traci in, of all settings, Frederick’s Of Hollywood, during the band’s first West Coast tour. I promise you it’s all true. Yes, I have pictures.

Publick Notice

Slowly but surely getting things reorganized around here, folks. Haven’t re-established the old posts yet, because the WP Import tool’s file size limit is less than half what the size of the export file actually is. It’s gonna require editing a certain file on the server side to get that adjusted, so I just ain’t gonna bother myself too much about it right now. Lord knows there’s plenty of other things needing done at this point.

Curiously, the Export archive only includes posts up to mid-December, then stops for some reason. Don’t know why that is; doesn’t really matter, I suppose, since I have pretty much everything archived locally in Ecto, the 3rd-party posting software I’ve been using since it came out. So worse comes to worst, I can just go back and repost the oldies but goodies via Ecto, then adjust the times and dates in the WP admin panel by hand. A pain in the ass, sure, but what about this whole ordeal hasn’t been?

Ye Olde Blogrolle links present another conundrum. Apparently, the WP Export file didn’t include those at all, which near as I can figger means they’re gone for good. In a way that might be considered a good thing, since it’s been a minute since I had time for properly policing them to ward off the link-rot. Looks like I’m just gonna have to start from scratch with those.

I installed a few new plugins for use hereabouts, most of them affecting the comments section: editing, like/dislike, subscribe to, etc. As always, let me know what works for ya, and especially what doesn’t. The right sidebar is going to require updating, since the only backup I had for it was from 2017 or so. Why yes, I HAVE been taught a valuable if painful lesson about doing regular backups of everydamnedthing, why do you ask?

One more thing: with the site having been hacked down for damned near a month during the holidays, donations and subs are running pretty anemic. The site doesn’t bring in a whole lot of cash anyway, but what it does garner me can be make-or-break sometimes, most especially when it comes to covering the perennially-late hosting-service bills. All of which means that if you’ve ever considered tossing a few simoleons over this way to express appreciation for my snarling and snapping here, well, now would be a most excellent time for it.

Hear ye my tale of woe…

Y’all may have noticed another round of the blind staggers going on here at Ye Olde CF websty the last two days. Reason being: I went to change back to the usual theme, locking Scrooge Picard back in his closet for another year, and BOOM! Another of who even knows how many cleverly-concealed Trojan time-bombs blew my poor old hogwallow back into smithereens again. I was up until about 5 AM this morning digging through subdirectories of subdirectories, finding bogus file after bogus file just lying there waiting to be invoked so it could start the whole crash ‘n’ burn cycle all over again. It was damned dismaying. Also infuriating.

So we decided on a real deep-dive, Godzilla-style stomping of the entire site, to include setting up all-new database tables, users, fresh WP re-install, ALL directories removed, etc etc. I’ll be working the next cpl-three days on getting things chugging along smoothly around here; wish me luck, people, ’cause I’m gonna need plenty of it. In the meantime, archives will be screwed, image and links both internal and external will be broken, the site will look kinda retarded, plugins and widgets will be disabled, and such-like. It’s just generally going to be more chaotic than usual in this joint until I get things scoured, disinfected, and rejiggered again. If the posts seem even more surly and bitter than usual, well, you’ll know why.

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Comments appear entirely at the whim of the guy who pays the bills for this site and may be deleted, ridiculed, maliciously edited for purposes of mockery, or otherwise pissed over as he in his capricious fancy sees fit. The CF comments section is pretty free-form and rough and tumble; tolerance level for rowdiness and misbehavior is fairly high here, but is NOT without limit. Management is under no obligation whatever to allow the comments section to be taken over and ruined by trolls, Leftists, and/or other oxygen thieves, and will take any measures deemed necessary to prevent such. Conduct yourself with the merest modicum of decorum, courtesy, and respect and you'll be fine. Pick pointless squabbles with other commenters, fling provocative personal insults, issue threats, or annoy the host (me) and...you won't. Should you find yourself sanctioned after running afoul of the CF comments policy as stated and feel you have been wronged, please download and complete the Butthurt Report form below in quadruplicate; retain one copy for your personal records and send the others to the email address posted in the right sidebar. Please refrain from whining, sniveling, and/or bursting into tears and waving your chubby fists around in frustrated rage, lest you suffer an aneurysm or stroke unnecessarily. Your completed form will be reviewed and your complaint addressed whenever management feels like getting around to it. Thank you.

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