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“I Know How to Fix Our Political System. Hear Me Out”

It’s our dear old friend Stephen Green, who is always worth lending an ear. Although I can’t say I agree with him in every last particular.

I have yet another idea about how to save our Republic — and before we even get started, you’re welcome.

Every elected official — from my small-town mayor to the President of the United States — should be issued a seriously cool-looking sword. Sharp, too.

Higher-level appointees from White House cabinet officers down to that slow-moving jerk at the County Clerk’s office would each be issued a sword of their own.

Anybody running an HOA would get one, too, despite the risks. 

The more important the office, the shinier and fancier the sword. I figure by the time we get up to, say, the Speaker of the House, they’d get a sword so bejeweled that Inigo Montoya’s father would be embarrassed to craft it. 

But, man, would the thin-skinned attention whores who crave authority love carrying those things around.

You think I’m being silly. I’m not.

How our betters behave when carrying their swords would teach us valuable lessons about them. I imagine a guy like Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) would look a little sheepish carrying one, and that would make me like him even more.

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), fond as she is of drink on occasion, would probably have a few too many one Friday afternoon, lunge her sword at a staffer who displeased her, but end up falling down and cutting herself. And that would make me like her even more, too.

Okay, I’m A-okay with that part. But sorry, I ain’t so much down with handing out swords willy-nilly to FederalGovCo bureaucrats and/or cabinet officials in the expectation that they’ll have the decency to hurl themselves upon them in paroxysms of grief-stricken remorse as atonement for their myriad fuck-ups. Not gonna happen, I’m afraid; sorry, but they’ll have to be pushed. Which, y’know, I AM down with, one hundred percent.

An alternative proposal, which I muchly prefer: Equip the citizenry with swords, perhaps local and state officials in rock-ribbed Red locales ONLY, and encourage the whole motley crew to mob up and send those Fed fuck-knuckles scurrying in affrighted anticipation of the use to which those keen-edged blades might be put should their angry pursuers prove to be fleeter of foot.

HOA Oberst-Gruppenführers? Oh, HELL no. Those nosy, insufferably smarmy Church Ladies are already pain in the ass aplenty; issuing them swords would only make them worse.

Somehow it got by me until now, but Stephen offers another bright idea which seems like it might likewise be worth implementing.

Longtime Sharp VodkaPundit Readers™ might recognize this as a fancier version of my alternative to term limits, the Take An Oath of Office, Lose a Finger Amendment — and you’d be right.

But I ask, why think small? Let’s do both.

For the Republic.

Absolutely—without even knowing the specific ins and outs of it, this LaFA deal sounds pretty dang schweet to me.

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2 thoughts on ““I Know How to Fix Our Political System. Hear Me Out”

  1. The latter Amendment has a precedent: the yakuza.

    As for the former, the correct approach is to make sword-wearing legal for all adults, anywhere, anytime.

    Simultaneoulsy, re-enact the Code Duello.

    HOA Karen wants to get lippy?
    Swords at dawn, on the communal green.
    Somebody’s not going home with all their organs.

    Clerk at the DMV is being a dick?
    No problem.
    After his lunch break, he stands a good chance of not having one.

    Government officials are a special case: duels on weekends only.
    Precedence given by standing, not first come, first served.
    And no more than one per hour, as observed by D’Artagnan.

    After their first weekend of 2 dozen or so meetings (if they lived), they’d straighten up and fly right in short order, or at the very least, govern with some literal skin in the game for a change.

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