GIVE TIL IT HURTS!

BEST. POLITICAL CONVENTION. EVARRRR!!!

Whatcha gonna do indeed.



Gott-damn SKIPPY. PREACH it, Hulkster!!! Much, much more of this incredibly good, tasty stuff at Twitchy. In response to the too-predictable D卐M☭CRAT sniffing, eyerolling, and contemptuous pearl-clutching for the Hulkster’s basic Not One Of Us, Dearie gauche-i-tivity—Harry Sisson’s lame-O bitch, piss, and moaning being the pluperfect example*—NotKenny Rogers puts it best:


You and me both, brother. You and me both.

* “No serious conversation on policy,” Harry? RILLY?!? Your corpse-tastic cadaver can’t manage to groan out a complete sentence betwixt the snot-bubbles and rivulets of drool even after his handlers have hit him with BOTH paddles, you sniveling sissymary. PRO TIP: Take close, careful note of Trump’s easygoing, beaming merriment at Hulk’s star-turn (at the end of @3YearLetterman’s post) and remember something: He who laughs last laughs best. And, in the theater of the absurd that national politics in Amerika v2.0 has become, he who laughs best will almost certainly win the race.

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A meme out of place and time

At first I planned to hang onto this one for use in the regularly-scheduled meme post either here or over at the Eyrie, but decided it was just too damned funny to resist giving it its own spot tonight.

See, I just KNEW them darn ((((Jooz!!!)))) had to be good for something.

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AOC outed!

An exclusive from winsome, pulchritudinous lass Diogenes Sarcastica.

MFNS – After months and months of researching sleazy corrupt democrats by our crack team of investigative reporters here at the award winning Middle Finger News Service, they have managed to stumble upon (?) Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (Socialist -NY) secret “Only Fans” account under the name “Showering With Sandy” featuring her daily morning showers before taking on the serious business of saving the nation and becoming a legend in her own time.

Now, there are questions as to why our reporters were on Only Fans Pages in the first place, but in the spirit of Journalism, we would be remiss if we didn’t bring you their findings…with a warning to all from Thomas Sowell.

Yes, there’s a pic of them big ol’ socialist titties, albeit with the real meat of the matter obscured by superimposed stars—and if it’s real, they are spectacular. I’ve always said that girl missed her true calling in life, which is as a topless dancer rather than just another shitlib Congresscritter. This would certainly confirm that assessment, in spades.

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Rockin’ da blues

Today was a guitar-lesson day here at stately Hendrix manor, wherein I started young Zachary out on a Jimmy Reed tune—“Honest I Do,” by name —plus a little theory to back it all up. Now I’m down a blues rabbit hole, inducing me to share witchy’all a righteous cop from everyone’s favorite tall but brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning example of a placental mammal.

Yes, yes, it’s Kenny Wayne. Hey, I figger everybody’s already heard the Jimmy Reed stuff by now, right?

Update! For Bear Claw Chris.



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“You married a dude?”

When a psychotic murderer makes more sense than one of the two (2, supposedly) dominant political parties, you know the country’s in one hell of a sorry state.


Via Irish.

Update! Since Barry says he hasn’t seen it, here’s a few more simply incredible scenes from one of the greatest Hollywood movies ever made.

What a fucking movie, eh?

Updated update! A little more background info on NCFOM, for anybody else who may not have seen it yet.

No Country for Old Men is a 2007 American neo-Western crime thriller film written, directed, produced and edited by Joel and Ethan Coen, based on Cormac McCarthy’s 2005 novel of the same name. Starring Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, and Josh Brolin, the film is set in the desert landscape of 1980 West Texas. The film revisits the themes of fate, conscience, and circumstance that the Coen brothers had explored in the films Blood Simple (1984), Raising Arizona (1987), and Fargo (1996). The film follows three main characters: Llewelyn Moss (Brolin), a Vietnam War veteran and welder who stumbles upon a large sum of money in the desert; Anton Chigurh (Bardem), a hitman who is sent to recover the money; and Ed Tom Bell (Jones), a sheriff investigating the crime. The film also stars Kelly Macdonald as Moss’s wife, Carla Jean, and Woody Harrelson as Carson Wells, a bounty hunter seeking Moss and the return of the $2 million.

No Country for Old Men premiered in competition at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival on May 19. The film became a commercial success, grossing $171 million worldwide against the budget of $25 million. Critics praised the Coens’ direction and screenplay and Bardem’s performance, and the film won 76 awards from 109 nominations from multiple organizations; it won four awards at the 80th Academy Awards (including Best Picture), three British Academy Film Awards (BAFTAs), and two Golden Globes. The American Film Institute listed it as an AFI Movie of the Year, and the National Board of Review selected it as the best of 2007. It is one of only four Western films ever to win the Academy Award for Best Picture (the others being Cimarron in 1931, Dances with Wolves in 1990, and Unforgiven in 1992).

No Country for Old Men was considered one of the best films of 2007, and many regard it as the Coen brothers’ best film. As of December 2021, various sources had recognized it as one of the best films of the 2000s, and as one of the best films of the 21st century. The Guardian‘s John Patterson wrote: “the Coens’ technical abilities, and their feel for a landscape-based Western classicism reminiscent of Anthony Mann and Sam Peckinpah, are matched by few living directors”, and Peter Travers of Rolling Stone said that it is “a new career peak for the Coen brothers” and “as entertaining as hell”.

No argument from me, with any of it. So what the heck are you waiting for, anyhow?

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Another one they aren’t making any more of these days

That would be gifted actor, horseman, Marine veteran, Hollywood stuntman, ranch hand, jazz singer, blacksmith, and world-champion poker player Wilford Brimley.

Anthony Wilford Brimley (September 27, 1934 – August 1, 2020) was an American actor. After serving in the U.S. Marine Corps and working odd jobs in the 1950s, Brimley started working as an extra and stuntman in Western films in the late 1960s. He became an established character actor in the 1970s and 1980s in films such as The China Syndrome (1979), The Thing (1982), Tender Mercies (1983), The Natural (1984), and Cocoon (1985). Brimley was known for playing characters at times much older than his age. He was the long-term face of American television advertisements for the Quaker Oats Company. He also promoted diabetes education and appeared in related television commercials for Liberty Medical, a role for which he became an Internet meme.

Brimley joined the Marines in 1953 and served in the Aleutian Islands for three years. He also worked as a bodyguard for businessman Howard Hughes as well as a ranch hand, wrangler, and blacksmith. He then began shoeing horses for film and television. At the behest of his close friend and fellow actor Robert Duvall, he began acting in the 1960s as a riding extra and stunt man in westerns. In 1979, he told the Los Angeles Times that the most he ever earned in a year as an actor was $20,000. He had no formal training as an actor, and his first experience in acting in front of a live audience was in a theater group at the Los Angeles Actors’ Theater.

His first credited feature film performance was in The China Syndrome (1979) as Ted Spindler, a friend and coworker of plant shift supervisor Jack Godell (portrayed by Jack Lemmon). That same year, he appeared in the Robert Redford/Jane Fonda feature film “The Electric Horseman” cast as simply “The Farmer” while assisting Redford and Fonda’s characters evade troopers while transporting the horse in a cattle hauler. Later, Brimley made a brief but pivotal appearance in Absence of Malice (1981) as the curmudgeonly, outspoken Assistant Attorney General James A. Wells. In the movie The Thing (1982) he played the role of Blair, a biologist among a group of men at an American research station in Antarctica who encounter a dangerous alien that can perfectly imitate other organisms.

Brimley’s close friend Robert Duvall (who also appeared in The Natural) was instrumental in securing for him the role of Harry in Tender Mercies (1983). Duvall, who had not been getting along with director Bruce Beresford, wanted “somebody down here that’s on my side, somebody that I can relate to.” Beresford felt Brimley was too old for the part but eventually agreed to the casting. Brimley, like Duvall, clashed with the director; during one instance when Beresford tried to advise Brimley on how Harry would behave, Duvall recalled Brimley responding: “Now look, let me tell you something, I’m Harry. Harry’s not over there, Harry’s not over here. Until you fire me or get another actor, I’m Harry, and whatever I do is fine ’cause I’m Harry.”

It was Brimley’s showstopper star-turn as AAG James J Wells (not James A Wells, as Wiki erroneously has it above) in Absence of Malice that sent me down the Wilford Brimley rabbit hole today, after re-watching Brimley’s riveting performance on YewToob. Interesting thing about the apparent James J/James A flub: Brimley’s character may very well have been James A in the script (don’t know, didn’t check), judging from what appears to be his momentary hesitation when giving his name as James J in the AoM final cut:

Note ye well that Mr Brimley, a relatively unknown bit-player-cum-character actor at the time, just walked in, sat down, riffled some papers, opened his mouth, and proceeded to steal the entire film from screen titans Paul Newman and Sally Field, without so much as breaking a sweat. By God, that there is what you call acting, bub. Ahh, but how very typical of Wilford Brimley: Kurt Russell, Robert Duvall, Robert Redford, Jane Fonda, Jack Lemmon—running scenes with all of these fine actors and many more, he refused to be intimidated or overawed, nonchalantly holding his own with all those marquee names, making it look not just easy, but effortless.

More rich, buttery Brimley goodness from AoM:

One more time:

Over the years I must’ve seen Absence of Malice about, oh, I dunno, forty or fifty times—enough that I’ve long since had every word of Brimley’s dazzling five minutes or so of screentime towards the end down by heart, anyway—and still ain’t no way tired of the flick. If you’ve never seen the movie, I urge you with all my heart not to let another sun go down before you rectify that gap in your cinematic education. They ain’t making movies like Absence of Malice anymore, nor actors like Wilford Brimley, nor sturdy, versatile, by-God American men like him, for that matter.

Anybody else thinking, as I just was, that the AAG Wells character, in fact pretty much all the G-men in the above climactic scenes, represents another long-gone American totem: the competent, reasonable, and trustworthy public servant? Not to mention Sally Fields’ newspaper reporter, who, although she lost her way temporarily and compromised her professional ethics in pursuit of a red-hot scoop, nonetheless proves herself to be basically decent in the end, deeply regretful for betraying her integrity and resolved that she will NOT let it happen again.

As Wells says of the DA ensnared in Michael Gallagher’s clever trap: “Yeah, he’s a nice guy, he just forgot about the rules.” When the dust has settled, the wayward but basically well-meaning are chastened, the corrupt and malifecent made to face serious consequences, and AAG Wells has somebody’s ass in his briefcase, as promised.

Today, though, is there anyone left among us so naive, so unworldly, that he seriously expects such unflagging virtuousness from his “public servants,” even in a fictional movie? Yep, the past is a different country all right.

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At long, long last

Ordinarily I’d hold onto this little gem to run it on a Monday or Wednesday, but it’s so damned good I just can’t control myself any longer. Ladeez ‘n’ gennamuns ’n’ sheeit, coming to you direct from WRSA’s Friday roundup, without further ado, embellishment, or delay, feast your eyes upon…the Meeeeme of the Centurrrrryyyy!!!

Heh. How ya like THEM apples? No need to crowd or jostle, folks, there’s plenty of room for all to have a good, close look at this rarest of specimens, never before displayed in captivity until this most special, once in a lifetime event.

Actually, I’m kinda ashamed I didn’t think of it myself.

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Nopeworthy

The local classical radio station which I listen to pretty much all day every day is, as you would expect, a dyed-in-the-wool, Mark-1 Mod-0 Left/“liberal” outlet, as steeped in the brain-devouring catechism of Wokester/PC as it’s possible to be. So naturally, they have this godawful program they run several times a day called Noteworthy (or, as I refer to it with a snarl, Notworthy©, for the sake of accuracy and truth in advertising), dedicated to seeing to it that “marginalized” Black Lesbian non-binary Lesbian Neegrow Composers Of Color (also ©) get the greater exposure the PC knotheads running the station feel they “deserve.”

Problem being, they don’t, they really don’t. From the Notworthy webpage:

NoteWorthy is a series of audio stories created to broaden our view of classical music by shining a light on the lives and music of artists of color, women, and others from historically underrepresented groups. Each episode provides an introduction to an artist, performing ensemble, musicians, or composer from all eras and genres of classical music. In a couple of minutes, you can learn about the contributions these artists have made and are making to the art form while discovering some great music along the way.

“Underrepresented,” is it? So now we’re required to adjust our musical tastes according not to talent or creativity but to make up the numbers based strictly on a composer’s skin color, ethnicity, gender (if any), and/or preferred sex-kink? Good to know, I guess. Pleasing to the ear, inspiring, imaginative, truly innovative? None for me, thanks, I’m a “liberal.”

With the barest handful of exceptions—practically all of them alive and working no later than about 1945-50—Noteworthy’s lousy, talent-bereft stable of contemporary (mostly) hacks aren’t fit to carry Ludwig Van’s jockstrap. Exhibit A: Etharnopian “composer” Emahoy Tsegue-Maryam Guebrou’s rousing piece for solo piano entitled “In Memory Of Catherine Brady.”

It carries on like that for a long, miserable while, but the first minute and a half to two minutes of it will give you the general flavor. I can’t in good faith recommend you bother with any more of it than that lest you wind up hurling something hard and heavy through your monitor screen in a fit of philistine pique at the kind of twaddle some PC über alles pinheads are willing to laud as “genius” nowadays.

Now, having played a heck of a lot of classical and ragtime piano myself since I was seven (7) years of age up until the curse of DuPuytren’s Contracture ruined all that for me several years ago, I feel myself eminently qualified to point out that what this hot mess sounds like to my trained and experienced ear is the sort of thing a concert pianist might run backstage to limber up the hands, wrists, and fingers as a pre-show warmup. Compare, contrast the above “marginalized” Noteworthy composer’s random, tuneless noodling around brilliant work with, oh, f’rinstinct, the moving, hauntingly beautiful Larghetto movement from Mozart’s Piano Concerto No 26 in Dmaj.

Comparison? Ain’t none, sorry. Mozart’s music has stood the test of time, still beloved and enjoyed 233 years after he prematurely departed this mortal coil in 1791 at the too-tender age of thirty-five. Likewise Beethoven, Schubert, Mendelssohn, Haydn, and so many truly noteworthy (a-HENH!) others. The music of the masters from the Baroque, Classical, and Romantic periods will live forever. With good and valid reason, too.

Contemporary trash-haulers such as Msxz Guebrou and her fellow dumpster-diving luminaries being pimped all to hell and gone by the Progressivist lackwits behind the Notworthy© program, on the other hand? If their “art” is remembered more than three (3) minutes after the latest NW episode has concluded, the stench dissipated, the resultant pounding headache set in, that’ll be about two and a half minutes longer than it merits.

The underlying conceit here is that these self-indulgent muttonheads are being unjustly denied their due and proper because Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, all the standard hobgoblins of the small “liberal” mind—prolly Republicans, Whypeepuh, ((((Dem JoojoojooJOOOOOZ!!!))), Election Deniers, Fox News, and of course Trump, too. T’ain’t so, McGee. With vanishingly few exceptions, the reason WDAV’s precious Notworthy© noodlers, doodlers, and purveyors of musical meat-beatery are “marginalized” and “underrepresented” is plain as the nose on Jimmy Durante’s face: because they deserve to be. Because they, y’know, suck dead green donkey dicks. Full stop, end of fucking story.

As composers of classical/orchestral/symphonic music they do, at any rate. They might be really nice people, excellent mechanics, great cooks, I couldn’t say. But composers? Yeah, no.

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As featured in my upcoming autobiography

On any list of the all-time top o’ the heap purveyors of Brit-style power-pop, rockabilly, and R&B would have to be Rockpile, featuring Welshman Dave Edmunds on vocals and lead guitar and his PiMC© Nick Lowe on bass/vocals. My verymost favorite Rockpile tune will give y’all a li’l taste of what I’m talkin’ ‘bout here.

“Didn’t see a thing until it came…” WHOA, that’s good squishy!

Edmunds, as well as co-conspirator Lowe, has several other non-Rockpile feathers in his not-inconsiderable cap, among them this YUUUGE one:

The band first appeared in the New York Area in the middle of 1979 performing under a number of names including the Tomcats, the Teds, and Bryan and the Tom Cats. According to Brian Setzer (singer/songwriter and guitarist), they changed names to fool club owners (who would not hire the same band for consecutive nights), but kept the “Cats” moniker in their various names so the audience would know they were the same band.

Setzer joined up with Slim Jim Phantom (drums) and they soon added Phantom’s schoolmate and friend Lee Rocker (stand-up bass); all three of them came from the same neighborhood and were interested in punk and rockabilly music.Since 1983, they have used only “Stray Cats” as their name. The band name “Stray Cats” had appeared in the 1973 rock ‘n’ roll film That’ll Be the Day and its 1974 sequel Stardust. They also went to many concerts and enjoyed the punk scene. They met the Clash and they used to see Siouxsie and the Banshees, Charlie Harper and the UK Subs.

The group, whose style was based upon the sounds of Sun Records artists and other artists from the 1950s, was heavily influenced by Eddie Cochran, Carl Perkins, Gene Vincent, and Bill Haley & His Comets. The Stray Cats quickly developed a large following in the New York music scene playing at CBGB and Max’s Kansas City as well as venues on Long Island. When the Cats heard a rumor that there was a revival of the 1950s Teddy Boy youth subculture in England, the band moved to the UK. They spearheaded the nascent rockabilly revival, blending the 1950s Sun Studio sound with modern punk musical elements. In terms of visual style, the Stray Cats also blended elements of 1950 rockabilly clothes, such as wearing drape jackets, brothel creepers, and western shirts, with punk clothes, such as tight black zipper trousers and modern versions of 1950s hair styles.

In the middle of 1980, the band found themselves being courted by record labels including Virgin Records, Stiff Records, and Arista Records. Word quickly spread and soon members of The Rolling Stones, The Who, and Led Zeppelin were at their shows.

After a gig in London, Stray Cats met musician and producer Dave Edmunds, well known as a roots rock enthusiast for his work with Rockpile and as a solo artist. Edmunds offered to work with the group, and they entered the studio to record their self-titled debut album, Stray Cats, released in Britain in 1981 on Arista Records. In addition to having three hits that year with “Runaway Boys”, “Rock This Town”, and “Stray Cat Strut”, they also performed on the eighth day of the Montreux Jazz Festival. The UK follow-up to Stray Cats, Gonna Ball, was not as well-received, providing no hits. Yet the combined sales of their first two albums were enough to convince EMI America to compile the best tracks from the two UK albums and issue an album (Built for Speed) in the U.S. in 1982. The record went on to sell a million copies (Platinum) in the US and Canada and was the no. 2 record on the Billboard album charts for 15 weeks.

Bold mine, and ‘nuff said about that.

As fate would have it, I’ve been good friends with Setzer for decades, first meeting him and his gracious spouse at the invite-only afterparty I played with my NYC side-band cohorts Tom Hopkins and Jeff Dilena celebrating (drowning in an ocean of open-bar liquor, more like) Brian’s little brother Kenny and his stunning wife Ariel’s nuptials down in Miami. I also worked a side gig during my NYC tenure with senior Setzer sibling Gary, a somewhat lackluster RaB trio that also boasted Hopkins slapping that doghouse bass.

An extremely talented drummer, Jeff went on to lay down the beat for the late Robert Gordon’s backing band, a fairly plum gig despite Robert’s well-earned rep as an insufferable prick. After many years as a semi-high mucky-muck in the midtown Manhattan offices of Columbia Records, the Gordon gig paid handsomely enough to permit Jeff to quit his cushy sinecure at Columbia to drum full-time for Gordon. Me, I went on to have numerous run-ins with the douchebag Gordon before Jeff took the job with him, sordid tales which will also be revealed in my aforementioned tell-all autobiography.

Never did get to meet Dave Edmunds, alas, although I certainly wish I had.

Ahhh, the good ole days…

Update! Okay, okay, kwitcherbitchin’ folks, here’s a couple of archival snaps, below the fold so as not to annoy anybody.

Continue reading “As featured in my upcoming autobiography”

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Birth of a legend

And a culture—or sub-culture, or counter-culture.

What Do You Got? The Wild One, The Loveless and the Biker Movie
On the fourth of July weekend in 1947, a group of bikers rode into a small California town and, depending on who you believe, either had a great party or went on an orgy of destruction. This single incident – now famous as the Hollister Invasion or the Hollister Riot – created both the abiding myth of the outlaw biker and the renegade bike gang, and inspired the movie that provided the template for every other biker movie to follow.

The occasion was the first major bike rally held by the American Motorcycle Association in California since before World War Two, and while attendance was expected to be high, nobody anticipated what would really happen. Hollister – about two hundred miles south of San Francisco and inland from Monterey and Carmel – had always been friendly to bikers, hosting regular races and hill climbs on the Bolado Racetrack.

It had, according to Tom Reynolds’ Wild Ride: How Outlaw Motorcycle Myth Conquered America, “twenty-seven bars, twenty-one gas stations and only six policemen.” It had its own bike club, the Tophatters (still in existence today) – one of dozens, probably hundreds of groups of mostly ex-servicemen who got together to ride, race, drink and raise a bit of hell just before the Hell’s Angels formed a year after Hollister and took over the image of the outlaw biker forever.

Uhh, not to pick nits or anything, but having had a few good friends flying the Red & White patch over lo, these many years—enough of them to know it actually does matter to them, if no one else—technically it’s supposed to be Hells Angels, no apostrophe. Kinda undermines the author’s credibility a wee mite, I think. A bit odd too that, in this recounting of the Hollister debacle, no mention is made of the less-hyped but way worse Laconia whoopjamboreehoo in 1965. Then again, maybe nobody’s made a movie about that one yet. Speaking of Hollister and hype, though, the iconic Life magazine photo of one of the likkered-up, violent “rioters” is instructive:

As it turns out, the provocative pic was almost certainly staged by Life’s sensationalist “photojournalist” and his assistants:

The reliability of the striking photo has been debated, with some sources suggesting that the scene was overtly staged. While the photograph was taken by Barney Petersen of the San Francisco Chronicle. the Chronicle did not run it, nor any other images, in its initial two articles covering the event. The bearded individual standing in the immediate background of the photograph, Gus Deserpa, has said he is sure that the photograph was staged by Petersen, and gave the following account: “I saw two guys scraping all these bottles together, that had been lying in the street. Then they positioned a motorcycle in the middle of the pile. After a while this drunk guy comes staggering out of the bar, and they got him to sit on the motorcycle, and started to take his picture.” Deserpa claims he deliberately tried to sabotage the staging by stepping into the shot, but to no avail.

Barney Peterson’s colleague at the Chronicle, photographer Jerry Telfer, said it was implausible that Peterson would have faked the photos. Telfer said, “Barney was not the type to fake a picture. Barney was the kind of fellow who had a very keen sense of ethics, pictorial ethics as well as word ethics.”

And you can believe just as much or as little of that as you like; surely, no “journalist” would ever lie, right? RIGHT?!? Why, it’s simply UNPOSSIBLE!!!

Anyways. Onwards.

“Nobody has ever fully explained what happened in the town on Independence Day weekend in 1947,” writes Reynolds, “because the allure of the myth is far more tantalizing than whatever facts can be gleaned from eyewitnesses or news photographs. Descriptions run from just a wild party to a rural version of the Rape of Nanking.”

Hollister would inspire a film, The Wild One (1953) – the film that Marlon Brando made between A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) and On the Waterfront (1954) and arguably did more than either film to create Brando’s persona, both on and off the screen. Its basic plot – bike gang comes into conflict with squares, causes mayhem/destroys small town/inspires vigilante payback – is really just a western with wheels instead of hooves, which is why it would be so easy to copy for decades to follow, in films with titles like Dragstrip Riot, The Wild Angels, Devil’s Angels, The Rebel Rousers, Angels from Hell, She-Devils on Wheels, Satan’s Sadists, Angel Unchained and dozens more whose plots vary as much as their titles.

The Wild One begins with a warning: “This is a shocking story,” the boldface card explains over a shot locked off just above the asphalt of a country road stretching to the vanishing point. “It could never take place in most American towns – but it did in this one.”

The first time I watched The Wild One as a teenager I constantly wondered when I’d seen it before; every plot point and conflict worn itself into the pop culture collective memory of the “biker picture” I shared with everyone else: the combination of curiosity, excitement and revulsion when the locals encounter Johnny Strabler (Brando) and the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club; the gang’s goofy mix of childish provocation and cornball hipster slang; the belligerent square john local businessman who insists they have to take matters into their own hands and teach these hoodlums a lesson.

Even Johnny’s signature line, among the most famous Brando ever uttered in his career (“Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?” “What do you got?“) had been rendered as rote as pantomime by the time I finally saw it on screen and in context.

The Wild One – directed by László Benedek (Song of Russia, Death of a Salesman), produced by Stanley Kramer and based on “Cyclists’ Raid”, a short story by Frank Rooney published in Harper’s magazine – strains for relevance. Even the costume Lee Marvin wears as Chino, leader of rival bike gang The Beetles, is based on “Wino Willie” Forkner, founder of the Boozefighters, the outlaw gang that was blamed for most of the trouble in Hollister.

(Forkner was a consultant on The Wild One but quit in protest at the portrayal of bikers. The Boozefighters are still around, with chapters all over the world.)

Interestingly enough, and to my bemused astonishment when I learned of it, there’s a Boozefighters MC chapter in CLT, of all locales. I met a young fella in a Boozefighters cutoff at one of our Double Door shows, asked him about it, and saw him at several more of our shows after. Friendly, personable guy, in fact, accounting for my initial astonishment, since the original Boozefighters MC members (Wino Willie most definitely included) were notoriously some of the toughest, rowdiest, most flat-out dangerous one-percenters ever to fly a patch. Even first- and second-generation HA patch holders gave them respect, when they weren’t just avoiding them outright.

Despite my snarky dig at the author’s credibility before, it’s nonetheless a decent enough piece all in all. Certainly, his point about most of the biker-exploitation flicks being sub-par is not something I’ll dispute; I’ve seen all the ones he writes about and many more of the genre besides, and if you’re not into gazing at rip-snorting custom Harleys tearing around the landscape there ain’t much in ‘em for your average Joe Cager to enjoy.

One thing that does puzzle me a mite: contra his sniffy disdain for the biker movies of the 50s and 60s, McGinnis goes on to more-or-less gush at great length about The Loveless, characterizing it as a film with pretentions to High Art whose flaws prevent it from living up to its lofty cinematic ambitions. I saw it many years ago and thought it a real stinkburger myself, not even a patch on The Wild One, which I liked a lot back when I first saw it and still do now. Ultimately, though, even the presence of Willem DaFoe in his first starring role can’t quite redeem the flick for McGinnis:

As the film comes to its conclusion we’re waiting to see if the town is happening to the bikers or the bikers are happening to the town. The directors deliver just the right amount of sex and violence; by the time the smoke clears on the bodies they’ve made precisely the film a young man thought he was going to see when he paid for a ticket to The Wild Angels.

But the film hits its apex just before the cathartic explosion of gunshots and blood at the end, when the gang sit drunkenly around a table at the lounge, bragging about where they’re going and what they’re going to do. Dafoe’s Vance – with a straight face that hints at the talent he’d demonstrate repeatedly over the decades to follow – silences them all by bellowing out four words that impeccably sum up The Loveless:

We’re going nowhere. Fast.

As I recall, the friends with whom I watched The Loveless on VHS erupted in gales of laughter at DaFoe’s simultaneously wooden yet canned-hammy delivery of that line. “Bellowed”? Not in the movie I saw, it wasn’t. Mumbled, more like, or maybe grunted. DaFoe’s face shot adoringly from below as he runs the line; lit cigarette a-dangle from his lips; meticulously-coiffed pompadour afloat over his head like an angel’s halo; trying his very damnedest to look menacing and failing miserably: it was the best unintentionally-comedic performance of all time, hands down. He shoulda won an Oscar for it, assuming there’s a category for such. Happily for all concerned, Willem DaFoe overcame this embarrassing misfire, going on to become one of our finest actors ever.

In any event, The Loveless is as dull, flaccid, and aimless a movie as I ever did sit through. Too-pretty actors turning in lifeless performances; a shambolic, meandering plot arc; disjointed scenes in which the sole point seems to be striking sultry, cliched, wholly-unconvincing tough-guy poses for the camera; unidimensional, affectless, and un-relatable characters; a piss-poor excuse for a “script” bodged together by writers who obviously know no more about bikers than I do about writing screenplays; ludicrous, stilted dialogue no self-respecting real-world biker would ever be caught dead uttering, The Loveless does somehow pull off the cinematic quasi-miracle of being both overblown and underwhelming.

Any of y’all miscreants with a hankering some lazy summer evening to curl up on the couch with some popcorn, a cold beer, and a real, honest to God biker flick, just check out Hells Angels Forever instead, that’s my advice.

The greatest “sorry, not sorry” of all time

Sorry I have great tits.” Not me, baby, not me; Heaven forbid I EVER be sorry that you have great tits. And, from all appearances, you seem to be a pretty great broad, too. That would of course be “broad” in the Sinatra sense—which is entirely complimentary, not meant in any way to be dismissive or derogatory.

Sydney Sweeney appeared to try to silence her critics with a cheeky social media post Sunday.

Sweeney posted a carousel of images to Instagram showcasing her trip to Mexico, and she sent a clear message to her haters in one of them. The star was featured wearing a sweatshirt that read, “Sorry I have great tits,” in a very ‘sorry, not sorry’ moment. The shirt’s unique message can directly or indirectly be seen as a clap-back at Hollywood producer Carol Baum, who slammed Sweeney days prior, saying, “she’s not pretty. She can’t act,” according to Daily Mail.

Oooooooh, can you say “green-eyed monster,” boys and girls? I knew ya could.

The grey sweatshirt served as a low-key hand-in-the-face to those who have recently been scrutinizing Sweeney’s looks and acting skills. She made it clear that she really doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of her at this stage of her life.

The “Euphoria” star confidently threw her shade at the haters, while bouncing braless on the beach as a Mariachi band played live music. She wore a ruffled, cream-colored crop top and a flowy midi skirt, dancing happily without a a care in the world.

Yes, there are pics, and they’re spectacular. You GO, girl!

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“A devastatin’ blow to our antiquated systems”

One of the all-time greatest scenes in the history of the cinematic art.

A blazing campfire way out in the boonies; a handheld camera shooting from the back seat of a scarlet 68 Chevy Impala ragtop purchased specifically for the purpose, rolling along at no more than 25mph so as not to jostle the cameraman overmuch; gorgeous, gleaming, one-of-a-kind Harley Panhead choppers; joints with actual, no-shit weed in ‘em for purposes of artistic verisimilitude; three immensely talented, daring actors improvising the dialogue in real-time, as they went, unscripted and unrehearsed.

Folks, it just don’t get much better than this.

The Captain America and Billy bikes were designed and built by the somewhat unlikely team of Cliff Vaughs and Ben Hardy, which is a great story in its own right.

When The Easy Rider concept was quickly made into form, Peter Fonda set out to get him a couple of bikes for the movie. There’s lots of controversy about who built these bikes. Some say Dan Haggerty, who was in the movie. The guy who painted the bikes, his son says it was him (his dad, that is). Some say it was Peter Fonda.

But the guy who built them was a guy named Ben Hardy. Ben was an African american man who knew Harleys, and knew what he was doing. When Cliff Vaughs was asked by Fonda to oversee the building of the bikes, Vaugh’s turned to Hardy who was well known (if you were black) in Los Angeles as the go to guy to build a killer bike, and do it right.

Peter had only one thing he wanted on the bike. He wanted Captain America to have a flag on his gas tank. Beyond that, the design was left to Vaughs. I gotta think tho…Peter was an experienced rider, and Dennis hopper wasn’t. That had to have come up in the conversation somewhere, because the Billy bike was a much easier bike to ride. I had a fat boy that was really close to the same configuration, and my brother has a friend with a Billy Bike replica. They’re easy bikes to ride. The captain America bike? Cut that steering head off and rake that bitch out like it is, throw in those long forks with no front brake and see how you fare. You don’t give that kind of bike to a beginner.

It was Cliff who actually first offered the name “Easy Rider” to Fonda. It was a term he used in the day. Whats an Easy Rider? that depends on who you ask. In the 1900s it meant a freeloader. A guy who mooched off you. To Dennis hopper, it meant a man who lived off the money of a whore. He got it from an old Mae West movie. Whatever cliff meant by it, I’m not sure. All I know is he redefined the word. To this day I think it is associated to Harley riders. Maybe because of cliff, but most definitely because of the movie. When you say Easy Rider, I think of the movie. I think of Harley’s.

Vaugh’s quickly took the idea to Ben Hardy. Peter bought four 1950’s panhead police bikes from auction, and got them to Hardy and Vaughs. Jim Buchanan fabricated the frames, the engines were built by Hardy, Dean Lanza did the paint (his son is adamant he built the entire bikes). 2 bikes were for filming, 2 were for the final sequence of the movie, which I’m fucking assuming you know about, otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this. Hardy went to work, and the rest is history.

It is at that, it surely is, and not just biker history alone. A pic of Hardy, and of his LA shop.

Ben hardy Easy Rider Bike.

Ben hardy shop-1.

The shop is still there as of the writing of the above article (mid-2012, that would be), in the same location, albeit with a new name and under different ownership, seeing as how the great Ben Hardy passed away in 1994. Betcha didn’t see all that coming, now did ya? And I truly hope you didn’t think for a moment I’d leave out one last cultural lodestone immortalized in the film.

For whatever it’s worth, I always dug the minimalistic, cut-down lines of the Billy-bike bobjob way more than the near-parodically stretched, raked, and extended 60s chopper archetype represented by the Captain America machine. Two beautiful bikes, two completely different stylistic approaches, brought together in one unforgettable movie masterpiece. Taken for all in all, Easy Rider is as 100% all-American as apple pie, hot dogs, and hog-leg Colt .45 wheelguns; it could never have happened in any other time or place.

Nitpicking update! One decidedly trivial flub-up from the early part of the movie that has always irked me disproportionately is when Billy chides Captain America for being incautious about gassing up his bike, saying “Man, all the money we have is riding inside that peanut tank.” No, gawddammit, it is NOT a “peanut tank,” Billy boy. That’s the nickname for the original Sportster gas tanks, like thus:

As any fool can see without half trying, the American-flagged receptacle adorning Wyatt’s bike is actually a Mustang tank, to wit:

The Mustang tank is so-monikered because of its origin—namely, on the pioneering Mustang mini-motorcycle, a cute li’l thang that went the way of the dodo back in 1965 after a tragically abbreviated nineteen-year run during which it somehow never found its market niche, despite a plethora of innovative technical advances such as being the first American motorcycle of any size or type to feature the now-ubiquitous telescopic-fork front suspension.

The noble Mustang name lives on in its beautifully understated fuel tank, an unforeseen legacy that’s still available for most makes of big bikes from various aftermarket companies today. It’s been a go-to favorite with more discriminating and tasteful Harley customizers since the 60s. Myself, I’ve run a Mustang tank on every Sporty I’ve owned except for the first and last ones—what is that, three of ’em, four? Whatever, I absolutely adore the things, have ever since I first got hipped to their existence by an ad in the once-glorious Easyriders magazine.

For one thing, the Mustang has a much higher capacity than the stock Sporty “peanut” go-juice tank, which holds a measly gallon or so—some .9, others 1.3, depending on the year. That translates to no more than ninety miles or so before you have to make a stop for a refill. Which, actually, was just jake with me, since an hour and a half of having your teeth rattled and your bones jarred by those old Ironheads on a daylong putt with your local wolfpack was quite enough for anybody, thanks. By the time you’d gone through your peanut tank’s capacity and switched the petcock (Pingel Power-Flo, of course; no shoddy stock PoS will suffice) over to reserve (14-15 more miles at best), you were good and READY to climb off and unkink your aching legs and back a little.

Yeah, while you glided to the nearest pump sucking fumes the Big Twin ironbutts’ unwieldy 5-gallon fatbobs would still be well over half full, so you could count on catching the usual ration of good-natured shit for your “dirt bike” or “woman’s” bike’s short legs from them. But who the hell cares what those Geezer Glide pricks think anyway? Let ‘em snigger, let ‘em chortle to their hearts’ content; their ol’ ladies will be pestering you at the bar later on for a leg-wettin’ thrill-hop packing on the p-pad (“p” for pillion, although some mischievous wags swear it actually stands for pussy, and as all Sportster riders know, neither side is entirely wrong) of your fleet little speed-demon, and everybody knows it too. When some horny, sexy biker bitch is reaching around from behind you to fondle your throbbing erection through the thin fabric of your worn, grease-stained jeans as you rip down a lonely back road, the last laugh will be yours.

Ask me how I know. Never mind, don’t, I ain’t gonna tell ya.

For another, the Mustang tank’s curvaceous good looks simultaneously offset and complement the rest of the Sportster’s no-frills, bareknuckle-brawler savagery, making what was for me a perfectly irresistible aesthetic combination. Plus, back when I bolted on my very first prized Mustang the tanks had fallen so far out of contemporary vogue as to be downright rare; almost nobody who saw mine in those days—be they old-school scooter trash or cake-eating-civilian cager—even knew what the hell it was, although they all liked it. Or they said they did, at any rate, which was good enough to suit me. I certainly did, and as the builder, owner, and rider, my opinion was the only one that mattered.

It still is, I still do, and if I had a Sporty today there would almost certainly be a Mustang tank, in flat-black rattlecan sprayed on by yrs trly etc, perched saucily on the upper frame rail between the top triple-clamp and the stiff, uncomfortable nut-buster of a seat. Or there soon would be, you betcher. Even though I’m too old for that sort of thing nowadays, hey, that’s just how I roll, people.

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