GIVE TIL IT HURTS


 

THANKS!

My own list

I really do hate to subject all of you to another one of those ubiquitous and sometimes cloying lists of Why I Love America. But I can’t help it, I just gotta; I promise I’ll try not to be too sappy and annoying with it. So here goes:

Why Mike Loves America

Because I get to own cooler toys than people in other parts of the world. Harley-Davidsons, old Fords, Cuisinarts, Revereware, Snap-On tools, Colt firearms, and Gibson guitars are cheaper and more readily available here than just about anywhere else. Well, for the most part anyway – you could probably find more old Fords in Havana, but I’ll bet finding parts is a bitch.

Because I get to eat the best food. Cajun, Creole, and good old deep-fried Southern anything. If I want Mexican, I can either go to a half-decent Mexican joint or go to the local Mexican bodega and get the authentic stuff and make it myself. Yes, I do know how to cook, too – quite well, thank you. I live in a mid-size Southern city and, while it ain’t New York (or LA if we’re talking Mexican), I’m less than five minutes’ drive from a decent Italian, Greek, Indian, Chinese, Thai, Ethiopian (yes, they have food, and it’s damn good too), Korean, Yiddish, Caribbean, or American-home-cooking-style meal. There’s even escargot and blood pudding available, if you want. Which I most emphatically do not.

Because I can say things like “George W. Bush is a subhuman goat-fucking moron” whether I even mean it or not, right here on this very website, and nothing will happen to me at all. No interrogations, no jail time, no cops cruising by my house all day and night, no nothing. Try that in many of the states we are supposedly “allied” with and see what you get. If you say something untoward about somebody I like, I can also call you a subhuman goat-fucking moron and you do not have the assumed right to come to my house and kill me over it thanks to your ass-backwards honor/shame culture. It’d be a stupid thing to try anyway, for this reason:

Because the Constitution guarantees me the right to avail myself of effective means of physical self-defense. A lot of people in this country today don’t like this part of the Constitution and would like to see it done away with. They are all wet.

Because we have the best music in the world. Rock and roll, country, blues, bluegrass, swing, soul, jazz – they’re all ours, baby. No other culture has produced so many enormously talented musicians in so short a span of time, not even Austria circa 1700-1900. Sam Cooke, Elvis, Hank Sr., Bill Monroe, Harry James, the Blasters, the Paladins, Sinatra, Howlin’ Wolf, Little Richard, Jimi Hendrix, Patsy Cline, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Cannonball Adderly, the Texas Tornados (well, except for Freddy Fender and Flaco Jiminez), Duke Ellington, Melba Montgomery, Ralph Stanley, the Ramones, C.J.Chenier, Artie Shaw, Louis Armstrong, Jerry Lee Lewis, Bennie Moten, Flatt & Scruggs, Link Wray, Green Day, Fats Domino, Sara Vaughan, Roger Miller, Metallica – the list is as long as you care to spend time adding to it. Musicians in other countries have attempted to adopt or adapt jazz, blues, and rock and roll, and have almost never really gotten it completely right, whether it’s the Beatles covering Carl Perkins or Fine Young Cannibals trying to do Motown. Not to say that they’re no good, mind; they’re just not as good as our guys. Caveat: England’s Flying Fortress does the swing thing pretty damn well, I must admit. But they’re the exception that proves the rule.

Because even though they don’t like it much and are quite indecorously and loudly ungrateful for it, we have more than once willingly and generously bailed Europe and the rest of the world out of several bad messes of their own creation and never once presented a bill. Our military is the finest in the world; no one else even comes close. This unreasonably frightens some, but the fact is for all our wrong-headed adventurism (and there’s undeniably been some), we do far more right than we do wrong.

Because we have an Administration that knows that the overwhelming majority of Americans will never, EVER accept the idea of surrendering our sovereignty to some dipshit “International Court.” Den Beste covered all this the other day, and did so better than I ever could; the only thing I’ll add is a hearty “Fuck you!” to all the handwringers who lament American unilateralism and unwillingness to throw out the Constitution so European wingnuts can have an international forum to slap our wrists in every time we do something they don’t like. That’s FUCK YOU with bells on it, cockdribble. Hey guys, there’s a reason we left your silly uptight little countries in the first place, and some of those reasons still apply, seemingly.

Because our culture is sometimes frivolous, silly, and loud, but there’s usually some fun to be found underneath the ignorant glitz and hype if you care enough to dig a little for it.

Fireworks on Independence Day. ‘Nuff said.

Topless bars. ‘Nuff said.

Stan “The Man” Lee. ‘Nuff said.

Married With Children, Malcolm in the Middle, The Simpsons, Seinfeld, Star Trek TNG, the X-Files. Compare with TV in Europe. It simply doesn’t. I know, I’ve seen it. It’s why you can still catch “Cheers” reruns in Holland several times a day. Not because we’re cultural imperialists as some would have it, cruelly inflicting our pop-culture tripe on the brainwashed masses in an attempt to dominate the world, but because most people in Holland like “Cheers” better than anything they’ve managed to produce.

Later on, I’m going to fire up my hotrod Sportster and head over to my favorite bar/restaurant for some brown likker, BBQ, and live music. There will be an illegal fireworks display presented from the roof of the joint by the owners. There will be lots of people of every type; half-dressed pretty girls, other Harley riders, yuppies with their kids in 500-dollar strollers, dreadlocked patchouli-wearing college numbskulls, and every ethnic minority you can think of, and we’ll all get along just fine. There will be laughter and good times, interesting conversation and mindless gossip. There will be flags everywhere. There will be music. The only explosions will be for entertainment and not mass-murder.

Think I’ll get to it. Happy Fourth.

Update! Just thought of another good one. Chances are I’ll be coming up with this crap all day; if I get a chance, I’ll post some of ’em, maybe. But anyway: because an obscure band featuring two voluptuous girls, one a firebreather, who routinely play guitar with their tits out and their tongues down each other’s throats can call themselves “Nashville Pussy” and no religious wackos will take advantage of their obscurity to try to have them stoned, beheaded, or have stone walls dropped on their heads. Instead, they get nominated for a Grammy.

Latest Posts

Latest Comments

CF Archives

Categories

Comments policy

NOTE: In order to comment, you must be registered and approved as a CF user. Since so many user-registrations are attempted by spam-bots for their own nefarious purposes, YOUR REGISTRATION MAY BE ERRONEOUSLY DENIED.

If you are in fact a legit hooman bean desirous of registering yourself a CF user name so as to be able to comment only to find yourself caught up as collateral damage in one of my irregularly (un)scheduled sweeps for hinky registration attempts, please shoot me a kite at the email addy over in the right sidebar and let me know so’s I can get ya fixed up manually.

ALSO NOTE: You MUST use a valid, legit email address in order to successfully register, the new anti-spam software I installed last night requires it. My thanks to Barry for all his help sorting this mess out last night.

Comments appear entirely at the whim of the guy who pays the bills for this site and may be deleted, ridiculed, maliciously edited for purposes of mockery, or otherwise pissed over as he in his capricious fancy sees fit. The CF comments section is pretty free-form and rough and tumble; tolerance level for rowdiness and misbehavior is fairly high here, but is NOT without limit.

Management is under no obligation whatever to allow the comments section to be taken over and ruined by trolls, Leftists, and/or other oxygen thieves, and will take any measures deemed necessary to prevent such. Conduct yourself with the merest modicum of decorum, courtesy, and respect and you'll be fine. Pick pointless squabbles with other commenters, fling provocative personal insults, issue threats, or annoy the host (me) and...you won't.

Should you find yourself sanctioned after running afoul of the CF comments policy as stated and feel you have been wronged, please download and complete the Butthurt Report form below in quadruplicate; retain one copy for your personal records and send the others to the email address posted in the right sidebar.

Please refrain from whining, sniveling, and/or bursting into tears and waving your chubby fists around in frustrated rage, lest you suffer an aneurysm or stroke unnecessarily. Your completed form will be reviewed and your complaint addressed whenever management feels like getting around to it. Thank you.

Ye Aulde CF Blogrolle–now with RSS feeds! (where available)

"Mike Hendrix is, without a doubt, the greatest one-legged blogger in the world." ‐Henry Chinaski

Subscribe to CF!

Support options

Shameless begging

If you enjoy the site, please consider donating:

Become a CF member!

Correspondence

Email addy: mike-at-this-url dot etc
All e-mails assumed to be legitimate fodder for publication, scorn, ridicule, or other public mockery unless specified as private by the sender

Allied territory

Alternatives to shitlib social media: A few people worth following on Gab:

Fuck you

Kill one for mommy today! Click to embiggen

Notable Quotes

"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards."
Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

Claire's Cabal—The Freedom Forums

FREEDOM!!!

"There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
Daniel Webster

“When I was young I was depressed all the time. But suicide no longer seemed a possibility in my life. At my age there was very little left to kill.”
Charles Bukowski

“A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him.”
Ezra Pound

“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it’s profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.”
Frank Zappa

“The right of a nation to kill a tyrant in case of necessity can no more be doubted than to hang a robber, or kill a flea.”
John Adams

"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves."
Bertrand de Jouvenel

"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."
GK Chesterton

"I predict that the Bush administration will be seen by freedom-wishing Americans a generation or two hence as the hinge on the cell door locking up our freedom. When my children are my age, they will not be free in any recognizably traditional American meaning of the word. I’d tell them to emigrate, but there’s nowhere left to go. I am left with nauseating near-conviction that I am a member of the last generation in the history of the world that is minimally truly free."
Donald Surber

"The only way to live free is to live unobserved."
Etienne de la Boiete

"History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid."
Dwight D. Eisenhower

"To put it simply, the Left is the stupid and the insane, led by the evil. You can’t persuade the stupid or the insane and you had damn well better fight the evil."
Skeptic

"There is no better way to stamp your power on people than through the dead hand of bureaucracy. You cannot reason with paperwork."
David Black, from Turn Left For Gibraltar

"If the laws of God and men, are therefore of no effect, when the magistracy is left at liberty to break them; and if the lusts of those who are too strong for the tribunals of justice, cannot be otherwise restrained than by sedition, tumults and war, those seditions, tumults and wars, are justified by the laws of God and man."
John Adams

"The limits of tyranny are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress."
Frederick Douglass

"Give me the media and I will make of any nation a herd of swine."
Joseph Goebbels

“I hope we once again have reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: As government expands, liberty contracts.”
Ronald Reagan

"Ain't no misunderstanding this war. They want to rule us and aim to do it. We aim not to allow it. All there is to it."
NC Reed, from Parno's Peril

"I just want a government that fits in the box it originally came in."
Bill Whittle

Best of the best

Finest hosting service

Image swiped from The Last Refuge

2016 Fabulous 50 Blog Awards

RSS feed

RSS - entries - Entries
RSS - entries - Comments

Boycott the New York Times -- Read the Real News at Larwyn's Linx

Copyright © 2024