GIVE TIL IT HURTS!

Headline hilarity

From The Liberty Daily.

Chris Cuomo’s NewsNation Show Debut a Flop, Takes Backseat to Paw Patrol, SpongeBob

Of course it did. I’ve seen Paw Patrol and Spongebob; they’re, y’know, good.

Woman Fights Off Mugger in Broad Daylight in Nancy Pelosi’s San Francisco

If only we could somehow find a way to fight off Pelosi.

Dementia Joe in Florida: ‘No One F*cks With a Biden’

No, I imagine they don’t. Which might help to explain why he has to resort to all the groping.

Why Did the CDC Hide the “Vaccine” Safety [V-Safe] Data From the American People for Almost Two Years?

Because, as has become abundantly clear by now, A) the CDC ain’t honest or trustworthy, and B) the “vaccine” ain’t safe.

Trump Calls for Return to Paper Ballots, End of No-Excuses Mail-in Voting

Boy, talk about way too little, way too late.

An Epidemic of Cognitive Impairment?

With the DemonRats and the Left firmly and fully in control, what gave you your first clue?

1
2

Alarums

Tucker expounds on the practicalities of what Major “King” Kong once unforgettably referred to as “nuclear combat toe to toe with the Rooskies.”

The question of who blew up Russia’s energy pipelines to Europe, which is not just a question in the news, it’s a historical question, we’ve addressed it a couple of times already, is not really much of a question anymore. So, on television, they’re assuring you that obviously the Russians did it. Vladimir Putin sabotaged his own pipelines.

With his nation at war, Putin intentionally destroyed Russia’s most vital national asset. Now why, you ask yourself, would Putin do that? Well, because…actually no one’s explained why Putin would do something like that. Bad people do bad things. That seems to be the idea.

Former CIA Director John Brennan showed up on CNN the other day to add his version of the story and it was clear right away that this was no ordinary cable news segment. Brennan was instead conducting a scientific experiment designed to determine just how stupid CNN viewers are. Now, these are people who believe Joe Biden when he told them COVID was a pandemic of the unvaccinated. These are the ones who think men can become women just by saying, so clearly, they are highly credulous, but the question remains, just how credulous are they? What won’t they believe? Well, in the name of science, John Brennan decided to find out. Watch.

BRIANNA KEILAR, CNN ANCHOR: Do you think Russia is behind the sabotage of the pipelines?

BRENNAN: Well, I think all the signs point to some type of sabotage. These pipelines are only in about 200 feet or so of water and Russia does have an undersea capability, too, that would easily lay explosive devices by those pipelines. I think this is clearly an act of sabotage of some sort and Russia is certainly the most likely suspect.

Do you think the Russians did it? asked the anchor, do you think the man with four bullet holes in his head committed suicide?

Oh, yes, says John Brennan. The Russians are certainly the most likely suspect. Well, of course they are. Did you ever doubt it? Once Putin got done electing Donald Trump president and then finished creating Hunter Biden’s fake laptop and dropping it off at a mac repair shop in Delaware, Putin set about sabotaging his own natural gas pipelines, which were his main source of foreign currency and leverage over Europe.

That’s how tricky Vladimir Putin is. Obviously, his next move will be nuking Moscow, all part of his diabolical plan to achieve world domination by destroying himself.

That’s effectively what John Brennan told CNN’s viewers. Did they believe him? Sure, they did. John Brennan used to run the CIA. He knows which lies work. He’s an expert.

So the question is, where does that leave us? And that’s the problem. This act leaves us, the United States, with no option but total war with Russia. There is no off-ramp now. There is no way out. We are all in, no matter what that means, no matter where it goes.

Are you shocked by this? Was there a vote on this? Did someone ask your opinion? No, but it’s been happening for months in slow motion. It’s been hidden from public view by the near-total blackout imposed by America media outlets so you probably didn’t know any of the details. For example, in March, the Turkish government tried to broker a peace in Ukraine and they came very, very close. Wasn’t reported widely.

..So, that’s the demand. Putin must be removed from office. Putin, of course, has no intention of leaving. You would have to take him out. Now, you don’t have to like Vladimir Putin. You don’t have to like anything about Vladimir Putin. You can hate Vladimir Putin and most Americans do, but you can still understand how totally deranged talk like this is.

Actually, if Putin went ahead and nuked Mordor On The Potomac into oblivion I’d feel obliged to send the man a nice thank-you note. But hey, I’m sure that’s just me. Onwards.

It’s the definition of reckless. Consider their own descriptions. For years, Democrats and the defense establishment they control have told us that Vladimir Putin is crazy and evil and he may be. Let’s assume it’s true. They’ve said it. Is that the man you want to publicly threaten with extermination? This is the man who controls more than 6,000 nuclear warheads. So, if you push him hard enough, why wouldn’t he use those nuclear weapons? Well, by their own description of him, he would.

This is true lunacy. An entire country ignoring led by its leaders, leaders who specialize in ignoring the things that matter, imminent catastrophe. That’s not an overstatement. This is not the inflation rate ticking up two points or a loss of 15% of your 401k and this is a nuclear war.

Busses in New Jersey now have signs warning about radiation poisoning “September is National Preparedness Month. Do you know what you do in a radiation emergency?” No, you don’t. It doesn’t matter.

This is all make believe. It’s all play-acting. If you live in a big metro area, there’s not anything you’re going to do during a nuclear exchange because you’re going to be dead along with most other Americans. The overwhelming majority of Americans will be dead and those who survive will starve to death because all agriculture will be destroyed, along with billions of people around the planet.

So, it’s time to update your assumptions about the technology here. These are not the bombs that flattened Nagasaki. They are incalculably more powerful. You hit New York, you take out Miami.

So, a nuclear war means not that we get to take out the Black Sea fleet. It means the end of the world and people who work around this stuff understand it and they’re really afraid, but no one else seems to have any idea. Why is that?

Taking the Big Picture view of things, I’d suggest that it’s ultimately because We The People have shirked our sacred duty of doing what needs to be done to get our current “leadership” back under proper control.

4

Where schadenboners come from

I love this more than mere words could ever express.

TUCKER COUNTY, W.Va. (WBOY) – On Friday, an electric vehicle broke down along Corridor H in Tucker County on its way to a weekend getaway in Davis. Luckily, a group of local coal miners were happy to help.

Tucker County’s Senator Randy Smith documented the moment on Facebook. The car broke down right in front of the Mettiki Coal access road on US 48, which is several miles from Davis. “Someone called one of our foreman and told him a car was broke down in the middle of our haul road,” said Smith’s post.

Because the vehicle was plastic underneath, there was no way to tow it, so a group of miners decided to push it. “So here are 5 coal miners pushing a battery car to the coal mine to charge up.” You could even see mounds of coal in the background while the vehicle was charging.

Far as I’m concerned, the only thing wrong with this otherwise heartwarming story is the totally unsatisfactory ending. In a perfect world, the stupid EV hunk o’ junk would’ve caught on fire while it was being charged and burned to a crispity crunch.

2

Publick Notice

Sporadic and unsatisfactory blogging will continue hereabouts for the nonce, sorry to say. After some increasingly strident urging from a good few friends of mine, my boy Tim hipped me to a good, reasonably priced USB microphone which I’m going to dip into my meager funds and order this coming Friday for podcasting purposes. I’ve been working on getting all set up and ready to go on that long-deferred project the past cpl of weeks, and still have plenty more to do yet.

4

Good riddance to bad rubbish

Okay: first, this happened.


Needless to say, being a diehard DeSantis fan myself as well as someone who despises the malignant, lying dwarf Fauxci with every fiber of his being, I thoroughly enjoyed Da Guv’s statement—as did his audience, who apparently responded with, as noted crawly-thing David French sniffily sniffed, “wild cheering.” Unsurprisingly, French was hardly the only dainty and sanctimonious NeverTrumporrhoid who found DeSantis’ laugh line upsetting; Ace posts several other like examples of dudgeon most high, before uncorking a hilarious fusillade of his own.

Two interesting points about this Fake Upper-Crust Sensibility thing:

First, it’s fake. This is a competition among weak and inferior men to prove themselves strong and superior. They can’t prove themselves strong and superior in actual strength or superiority, so they change the criteria to better fit them, that is, a more feminine sort of competition they could actually beat other men at. Namely, “refinement,” taste, and a capacity to be offended and terrified by tiny things like humorous jibes and mice skittering across the kitchen floor.

There are actual objective criteria to determine who is the strongest, the smartest, etc., but it’s up for grabs to say who has “the finest taste.” So Noah Blum can compete in the Princess and the Pea Olympics and have a very good chance of winning, especially because most actual men would not compete in such a delicate contest.

Second, this is again just a game of showing hatred for the dreaded Lower Orders. David French and Noah Blum and the rest of the Fake Aristo Swells are always straining to discover exciting new Class Distinctions they can adorn themselves with to prove they are not like the raucous and unseemly Working Classes. A feather of delicate sensibilities worn behind the ear, a ribbon of refined taste in Marvel Movie Appreciation dangled over the heart.

Anything to show that the New Nobility is different than and superior to those thick-fingered White Niggers that vote for Trump and think that a nation’s borders should be enforced.

Fuck off, fairies. Go knit a doily for your wife’s boyfriend to put his drink on.

Oh, and French: Have the lambs stopped screaming, French?

Heh. SIDE NOTE: Ace decided to asterisk-out the N-word in his post, likely in the interests of politesse. But as CF Lifers will already be aware, I’m hindered by no such compunctions myself, so I went ahead and just said it right out loud, in front of God and everybody.

As for Fraudci: physically, literally booting his worthless ass across the Potomac of right ought to be the very least of that good-enough-for-government-work rectal polyp’s worries. The damage he did during his overextended sinecure as a top-level FederalGovCo stooge calls for one hell of a lot more, and worse.

4

Foolin’ around

SO. Been futzing around a bit with the WP posting interface, which I can’t even begin to describe to you how much I despise, when what to my wondering eyes didst appear in the toolbar above the composition textbox a mysterious icon which, when hovered over, describes its function thusly, and I quote: “Select a part of text and ask readers for feedback (inline commenting).”

WELL. Intriguing, no? I think it is, and very much so. That being the case, if you should see some bizarre icon in a post that you never came across here before, that’s almost certainly what it is. Let me know what y’all think of it.

Update! Well, it seems to work quite nicely. Had to disable several conflicting and/or redundant plugins related to the comments function, which I probably should have done a long time ago anyway.

1

Broke-black (Space) Mountain

Standing athwart reality, yelling “Go away, go away!

The Six Flags CEO is having to explain the decision to raise prices and eliminate discounts at the company’s parks, in light of the emerging fact that attendance is down by 22% since the decision was made. He said in a statement that the price increase was a result of the company’s problems with what he referred to as “rowdy teenagers.”

We realized that we had discounted too much and we were filling the park with the wrong kinds of customers. So, we only got the discounter or we became a day care center for teenagers. It was a cheap day care center for teenagers during breaks and the summers. So we began raising prices to reduce the numbers of rowdy teenagers running around.

By rowdy teenagers, he means groups of feral black teens who had bought discount tickets before running amok in the parks and beating the shit out of customers who were paying full price. The Six Flag parks were becoming areas that families were learning to avoid.

The Six Flags America, located just outside of DC in Maryland, hosted a Halloween event called “Fright Night.” It was attended by large groups of blacks that began vandalizing cars in the parking lot and attacking other customers by using mob violence tactics who were executing planned ambushes of young white girls. The local cops claim that they were searching for the perpetrator, but it’s nearly a year later and no arrests have been made.

A similar story in Six Flags Great America just outside of Chicago. Out of control blacks attacked a family for asking them to control their foul language around small children. They wound up beating a 12 year old girl and her parents.

We can’t be seen as racist, because not all black people are like that, or something. So let’s call criminal behavior, vandalizing property, and beating the shit out of people as being “rowdy.” Let’s refer to black adolescents as “teens” so no one will know we are talking about a violent race of criminals. It sure isn’t Norwegians or Canadians that are terrorizing the paying customers here.

On average, the black race is broken to the point that wherever blacks congregate, crime, violence, and poverty are more likely than places where they are not found. The only place where this is not true is in Hollywood. The only places where blacks in large numbers are successful doctors, lawyers, and other professionals are make believe- television and movies. It isn’t that the US is racist, so don’t go there. Name an economically successful black country. The only one I can think of is Wakanda, also make believe.

I’ve always found the “teens” and “youths” dodges—the former a domestic desperation-cringe, the latter Eurospeak for “murdering, gang-raping Moslem terrorists”—highly amusing, since absolutely no one is fooled by that silly-ass shit anymore, thereby leaving this particular instance of the larger Orwellian flimflam of word-wreckery perched solidly atop the ever-loftier ziggurat compiling the most spectacularly abject amongst Liberalism’s innumerable Epic Fails™.

6

Grotty to the MAX

Having seen this staggeringly wretched thing yesterday myself, Andrea couldn’t be righter on it.

I watch Tucker Carlson regularly. I don’t always agree with him, but I find him engaging and informative. However, when the show cuts to commercials, I hit the mute button. Today, I couldn’t find the clicker and found myself watching a Gillette Venus commercial celebrating pubic hair, something I found vulgar. However, my attitude changed when I realized why I was watching this ad: it’s a signal that advertisers are recognizing that, if they want to reach Democrats in the coveted (because profitable) 25–54 demographic, they must advertise on Tucker.

The commercial is not obscene. As I said, it’s just vulgar. If my kids were still young, I would not be very happy to have the news interrupted by a commercial focused on “pubes” and having singing pubic hairs on the beach.

As a general matter, that commercial represents the decay and coarsening of public culture. Once upon a time, whenever people were out in public, they wore nice clothes, hats, and gloves. The idea of wearing pajamas and slippers in public or going out with one’s pants falling down or a barely-there top was inconceivable.

Actually, as tawdry and repulsively-TMI as this dumpster fire of a commercial is, there’s a cultural aspect that I find at least mildly interesting, which Widberg’s next two ‘graphs bring to mind without overtly mentioning.

Nevertheless, when looked at the correct way, those dancing pubic hairs tell us something very good. For decades, nightly news shows have tended to have commercials that cater to old people: tactfully phrased ads for hemorrhoid relief, will-writing software, and digestive aids. The shows were not geared toward or reaching a younger audience.

This ad, though, is defiantly directed to young people, and not stodgy young people, either. So why would Gillette (which ran into trouble with conservatives over its embrace of so-called transgenderism and “toxic masculinity”) buy ad time to cater to edgy young women and, I guess, young men? The answer is, they’re buying ads because you go where the customers are.

And WOOT, there it is…almost.

Over recent years, as at least some of you out there must surely be aware, it’s become fashionable among a certain demographic, amongst both men and women, to trim, sculpt, or completely shave their pubes. Ever notice the overnight preponderance in retail outlets from Wal Mart to Walgreens of the suddenly-ubiquitous “personal trimmer” devices? Let me assure you, folks: those handy little appliances are by no means exclusively for purposes of keeping one’s beard, mustache, or sideburns neat and well-groomed.

Actually, in my not-trivial experience, I have to say that the majority of those “personal trimmers” will spend much more of their time being run over, across, and around various, shall we say, intimate regions than they will faces, armpits, and/or necks.

Call it part and parcel of life on the rock and roll road, but it in truth became not only vanishingly rare but also an unwelcome occurrence to run across a full, gnarly, unkempt bush on the ready, willing, and able babes one might end up with after a show. TMI again, perhaps, but, well, there it is.

A friend of mine even went so far as to pay the extra fee for a street-legal “personalized” NC license plate on his car which read “SMOOTHIES.” Yes, it meant exactly what you think it did. He told me he was pretty danged surprised that the state agreed without demur to allow such a thing, whereupon I responded that the morbidly obese, ill-tempered black lady at the tag bureau who filled out the DMV forms probably hadn’t the vaguest clue what was meant by it. We had ourselves many a good, long laugh over that one.

Emblematic of the steady coarsening of American culture? Indubitably so. Making a public display of something that society would be better off keeping a strictly private matter? Hey, no argument from here. An indication of the general de-evolutionary climb-down from long-accepted standards of mannerliness, good taste, and personal modesty? Yup. Nonetheless, I do find this broad shift in attitudes, and especially the way in which technology quietly adapted to accommodate and commercialize said shift, to be a fairly interesting phenomenon.

I long ago lost my capacity for dismay or distaste in reaction to finding myself taking a roll in the proverbial hay with a girl sporting a cute little “landing strip” on or about her nethers, if I ever had any such to begin with; I ain’t no prude, never have been and never will be. All the same, I’d just as soon not have to put up with TV commercials discussing that sort of thing, thanksveddymuch. I do get why Gillette would want to capitalize on what they perceive as a booming and underserved market niche, really I do. But shouldn’t there be at least some things that we can all agree are out of bounds, and not fodder for pub(l)ic discussion?

4

Manatees need abortions too!

It’s always amused me no end how the most overwrought fanatics screaming themselves purple in support of “a woman’s right to choose” to murder her unborn (well, usually) child always seem to look like what you’d end up with if you shaved a morbidly obese goat’s ass and taught it to walk backwards. Same with the lumbering Wide Loads who are forever threatening to “go on strike” sexually until they get whatever the hell it is they’re demanding—OR ELSE!!!—this week.

I’m pleased to report that I am by no means the only one to notice that those most pissed off about the Roe misfeasance being corrected are the same blubberskites who couldn’t get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse on a Saturday night if they were handing out free candy, cervezas, and hundred-dollar bills as incentives, and therefore have absolutely NO chance of getting preggers by any method that doesn’t involve test tubes, lab techs, and an anonymous sperm donor wanking into a little cup.

PENSACOLA, Fla. — Northwest Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz on Monday stood by controversial comments he made this past weekend regarding female abortion rights protesters.

On Saturday, Gaetz spoke to college students at the Turning Point USA Student Action Summit in Tampa, saying women protesting abortion access are less likely to get pregnant because they aren’t attractive.

“Why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are the ones most worried about having abortions?” Gaetz said. “Nobody wants to impregnate you if you look like a thumb.”

“These people are odious on the inside and out,” Gaetz said Saturday at the summit. “They’re like 5’2, 350 pounds and they’re like, ‘Give me my abortions or I’ll get up and march and protest.’ And I’m thinking, ‘March? You look like you got ankles weaker than the legal reasoning behind Roe vs Wade.’ A few of them need to get up and march. They need to get up and march for like an hour a day, swing those arms, get the blood pumping, maybe mix in a salad.”

A local teewee news crew tried to trip Gaetz up over his refreshingly candid way of putting into words something plenty of us were thinking already, to no avail whatsoever.

He gave this explanation when asked about Saturday’s comments:

I’m very pro-life and I make no apology for it. I’m grateful that Roe has been overturned and that Dobbs is now the jurisprudence on abortion. I find these people that go out in these pro-abortion, pro-murder rallies odious — and just, like, ugly on the inside and out. I make no apology for it. I don’t believe that every person who disagrees with my perspective on life is an ugly person. But the ones that are out there protesting and marching on Justice [Brett] Kavanaugh’s home, trying to threaten the court, trying to impose a ‘night of rage’ on our nation’s Capitol — which us what they advertised — that’s just pure ugliness. I see that ugliness on the inside, I see it on the outside. Even in the horrible circumstance where an abortion may happen, it is nothing to celebrate and it is nothing to cheer.

Channel 3 then asked Gaetz two follow-up questions:

  • Channel 3: Is it safe to say that, based off your comments, you’re suggesting that these women at these abortion rallies are ugly and overweight?
  • Gaetz: “Yes”
  • Channel 3: What do you say to people who think those comments are offensive?
  • Gaetz: “Be offended.”

DeSantis, his spokesbadass Christina Pushaw, and now this? I’m beginning to think it’s something in the water down there, maybe. Oh, and speaking of Ms Pushaw.

Florida Republicans fired a shot across the bow at corporate media Saturday by limiting access to an event and when the so-called journalists who were barred entry demonstrated what it means to be a snowflake, Gov. Ron DeSantis’ (R-FL) spokeswoman Christina Pushaw channeled her best Jen Psaki in response.

The Sunshine Summit took place Saturday at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Fla., where, in addition to hearing from conservative voices like James Golden, Josh Hammer and Clay Travis, attendees observed congressional debates moderated by Mark Levin. In a surprise move, DeSantis joined Levin in moderating, but the biggest surprise was handed to reporters when they discovered America’s governor had made the event invite only.

“It has come to my attention that some liberal media activists are mad because they aren’t allowed into #SunshineSummit this weekend,” Pushaw wrote. “My message to them is to try crying about it. Then go to kickboxing and have a margarita. And write the same hit piece you were gonna write anyway.”

The jab was a callback to a remark from then-White House press secretary Jen Psaki who had offered up her advice to Democrats unhappy that their agenda wasn’t advancing through Congress while appearing on “The View.” “My advice to everyone out there who is frustrated, sad, angry, p*ssed off, feel those emotions, go to a kickboxing class, have a margarita, do whatever you need to do this weekend, and then wake up on Monday morning, we’ve got to keep fighting.”

DeSantis had previously mocked the White House over this with a message of his own saying, “Having a margarita is well and good, but it is not a cure for Bidenflation.”

As you’d expect, State Media “journalists” immediately started rolling around on the floor kicking and screaming, waving their chubby little fists around, and threatening to hold their breath until they turned blue over having their unalienable “right” to excrete another pantload of propaganda shorted out by the wily and ever-astute DeSantis, who as always wasn’t having any of their usual shite. Comely Christina (and she is, actually, which only makes matters worse for the H8rz™), for her part, just kept on dumping more buckets of Florida sea-salt into the indignant shitlib scribblers’ wounds.

In fact, Pushaw delighted in the tantrums as she took to Twitter again later on Saturday to point out how one “journalist” had “created a nine-tweet thread to explain how mad he is.”

“They’re still going…Liberal media in Florida doomed itself to irrelevance because these ‘journalists’ make every story about themselves & their delusions of persecution,” she wrote. “People don’t want to read your hand-wringing. It’s not news. Nor is the 500th hit piece on Gov. DeSantis.”

Nope, t’ain’t. I still do hope and pray he doesn’t do it, but if Ron the Great does run for Prexy in ’24, he oughta name Pushaw as his Veep. Hell, I’d almost consider turning out to vote for THAT ticket myself, which is really saying something.

14

Say, it ain’t so?

Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.”

Backyard Wrestler Sustains Lifelong Injuries for 17 YouTube Views
ALTOONA, Pa. — Gary “Konkey Dong” O’Donnelly is reportedly in stable condition after performing his most punishing stunt yet which has received less than two dozen views since it was posted on YouTube six days ago, according to younger brother and camera operator Cooper.

“I feel like I’m right on the cusp of getting the attention of the big leagues,” said O’Donnelly from his hospital bed. “This was my biggest stunt yet. I tased myself, jumped off of the roof, dropped through a burning tractor tire onto a trampoline, sailed through a plate glass window, and landed in a pile of barbed wire and fluorescent tubes. As I was flying through the air, I just kept thinking about how this video was going to blow the fuck up. Cooper uploaded it and I waited for the views to roll in, but so far, there’s only been 17. And half the views are mine. I’m assuming it’s a glitch at YouTube headquarters that will be worked out soon.”

O’Donnelly’s mother, Ruth, is fully supportive of her son’s aspirations.

“No mother dreams of spending a Tuesday night pulling thumb tacks out of their son’s rear end, but I want Gary to follow his dreams,” said Mrs. O’Donnelly as she swept bloody shards of glass from her patio. “I believe in him, and I’ll always be there to rush him to the hospital when something inevitably goes horribly wrong. What he’s doing with these videos is his art. Unfortunately, his genius might not be appreciated during his lifetime. No, I don’t think it’s hyperbole to call my son the Van Gogh of backyard wrestling, I mean he did lose most of his ear in a Pennsylvania Death Match against Marty the Mooch.”

At press time, a bedridden O’Donnelly was observed sketching his next stunt, a Rube Goldberg-esque series of life-threatening acts involving car batteries, a live alligator, a wasp nest, and a kiddie pool full of ghost pepper oil.

Another tab I’ve had open on my phone for a few days now, from a humor website I never heard of before yclept The Hard Times. It’s definitely going into the bookmarks and the Funny Pages section of Ye Olde CF Blogrolle both; there’s a crapton of funny stuff there, from what I can see so far. For instance:

Pandemic Enters Dangerous Phase as Dave Matthews Concerts Spread
GEORGE, Wash. — Dave Matthews Band is raising alarm among epidemiologists and everyone who isn’t in a fraternity or sorority as they continue to play dates throughout the United States, pandemic-weary sources confirmed.

“It never had to be like this. So much death and despair could’ve been avoided if more people were willing to make personal sacrifices for the greater good,” lamented exhausted public health expert Dr. Helen Carter. “With the Delta variant already surging, spreading big DMB frat bro energy all over the country with an extended tour is really going to fuck us in the ear. I wish they would do virtual performances, but I guess the opportunity to sell comically overpriced tickets and merch to fans who’ve been economically unaffected by this devastating pandemic is just too lucrative to ignore.”

Statisticians argue that the recent spike in public performances of “Ants Marching” is a screeching reminder that last year’s lockdowns delivered some unintended benefits for civilization as a whole.

“Shutting things down didn’t just flatten the curve. We also experienced a sharp drop in industrial carbon emissions, a salubrious decline in automotive traffic, and a welcome reduction in antiquated doofuses stumbling around a stage pretending they know how to sing and play guitar,” observed Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight. “Even with all of this working in our favor, we still need more people to get on board with not attending Dave Matthews Band shows in 2021, or ever. Doesn’t matter how talented the supporting musicians are if the vocalist sounds like a shitfaced billy goat who found the Xanax in some suburban soccer mom’s Range Rover in between whippits and hits of helium.”

What can one say but: Heh. Of course, I AM kinda sad to know that the maimed ‘rassler story is probably fake news. But hey, whatchagonnado.

2

A most popular ****”president”****

For certain highly specific meanings of the word “popular,” that is.

Interactive Polls has released the latest approval ratings and it contains good news for Joe Biden. His approval rating is still better than “stick in the eye” and several other categories, as seen below.

Category  Approve Disapprove
People singing in public bathroom 40 55
Sliver of glass in foot 38 52
Joe Biden 36 55
Stick in the eye 34 56
Punch in stomach / kidneys 30 62
Influenza (puking kind) 29 62
Root canal (no anesthesia) 28 66

*14,695 voting age adults
**Margin of error +/- 2 points

The White House responded to the results with elation and the official Twitter account noted
“Joe Biden still popular as Commander in Chief, look at these latest poll numbers!”
— White House (@WhiteHouse)

5

About time

How it’s fucking DONE, people.

Robert C. Christian wasn’t his real name. The man who walked into the Elberton Granite Finishing Company in rural Georgia in 1979 with a bizarre construction job admitted he was hiding his real identity, and the identities of whoever he was working with—an unseen organization he referred to solely as “a small group of loyal Americans,” according to the Elbert County Chamber of Commerce. Christian was looking to build a monument in the mold of Stonehenge, with four granite slabs standing almost 20 feet tall arranged around a smaller central slab, with a capstone connecting them all. Together the six hunks of granite would weigh over 100 tons. Like Stonehenge, the slabs would be arranged in a precise order keyed to astronomy, with a meaning unknown to all but Christian and his colleagues. Unlike Stonehenge, words would be carved into the sides of this monument, a list of 10 edicts repeated in eight different languages. At once apocalyptic and utopian, with an ethos that could’ve come straight from Star Trek, the Guidestones’ message seemed to yearn for a better future—or, as some apparently believe, stood as Satanic instructions on how to undermine God and subjugate humanity.

Yeah, well, Roddenberry always a damned liberal, sadly enough. As you’d no doubt expect, the “edicts” read pretty much like a 101-level syllabus of the Left’s core curriculum. To wit:

Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
Guide reproduction wisely—improving fitness and diversity.
Unite humanity with a living new language.
Rule passion—faith—tradition—and all things with tempered reason.
Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
Balance personal rights with social duties.
Prize truth—beauty—love—seeking harmony with the infinite.
Be not a cancer on the Earth—Leave room for nature—Leave room for nature.

And this is where we come to the truly delightful part of the story, which I will helpfully boldface for y’all.

Nobody is exactly sure why the Georgia Guidestones were built, or why they were built in a small town over 100 miles northeast of Atlanta. Only one person, Elberton banker Wyatt Martin, knew Christian’s real name; Martin died in December, 2021, apparently without revealing who Christian really was. Christian’s subterfuge has fueled a decades-old mystery and a conspiracy theory that just won’t die, one that was injected into Georgia’s current governors’ race by a fringe candidate earlier this year, and which presumably lead to an early morning bombing that precipitated this afternoon’s destruction of the Guidestones. The Georgia Guidestones have been a source of conjecture and controversy for over 40 years, and we’re no closer to understanding their true origins today than we were when they were built in 1980. And instead of trying to understand them, fearful zealots who believe they were built by the New World Order, or the Freemasons, or the Rosicrucians, and stand as a monument to Lucifer, have ultimately destroyed them.

“Fearful zealots,” is it? Yeah, take a flying fuck at a plate-glass window there, Poindexter. Normal, patriotic Americans “understand” them perfectly well, thanks, having only had their noses rubbed in such smarmy, self-righteous “edicts” like the steaming, odiferous dog turds they are for, oh, the past five or six decades or so—by every obnoxious “journalistic,” musical, cinematic, artistic, political, broadcast, or professional-sports establishment in existence. The one and only thing here I find at all difficult to “understand” is why some enterprising soul didn’t blow the fucking things all to Hell and gone long before now. But I’m definitely glad somebody finally got the job done for us.

No matter who paid to have them built or why, the Georgia Guidestones were ultimately not that different from any other roadside tourist attraction. Two hours west of the Guidestones you can find Marietta’s famous Big Chicken, a 56-foot-tall fast food restaurant in the shape of a chicken’s head, with moving eyes and beak. Four hours east of Elberton sits South of the Border, a rundown (and absurdly racist) compound of tacky gift shops, gross restaurants, and offensive Mexican stereotypes, made famous by billboards that stretch for hundreds of miles in every direction. All three are essentially the same: goofy, eye-catching kitsch that wants you to stop and take a closer look. The only thing that sets the Guidestones apart is they didn’t ask for any money. It’s farcical that these stones have inspired such a fearful, outraged response. The only people nuttier than whoever built the Georgia Guidestones are the people who wanted to destroy them.

Today’s bombing reduced one slab to rubble, and caused some damage to the capstone. Late this afternoon the rest of the Guidestones were torn down. If you never saw them in person, don’t fret; you probably would’ve lost interest within 20 minutes or so. If you have been before, hopefully you got some good photos. If anything, the bombing just enhances the air of mystery that surrounds the Guidestones, and ensures they’ll remain a source of fascination for years to come—even if they no longer exist.

I wouldn’t put any money on that bet. Like the aforementioned dog turds, they’ll eventually turn white, stop stinking, and crumble into just another forgotten minor unpleasantness—exactly as the Leftist ideology that pinched the original loaf will be.

4

Sick, boys!

One for my boy Big Country.



I’m thinking BCE might not have found that as amusing as I do a cpl-three days ago, when he was deep in the throes of I-wish-I-was-dead-itude. Now that he seems to be on the mend, though, hopefully he’ll get a small chuckle out of it.

Meanwhile, I also ran across a somewhat less recent live Social D vid, this one from all the way back in 1997. As it happens, the BPs opened for ’em on the CLT date of that tour, which took place at the long-since defunct and demolished Tremont Music Hall. After our set, we were hanging with a few buds of ours in our green room when Ness—with whom I had become good friends back when he spent a few months mastering their huge breakthrough release White Light White Heat White Trash in NYC—came crashing in to bitch at me about nobody having informed him we were the support act that night.

“Okay, well, you guys are doing support tomorrow night in Atlanta, right? And then the night after in Birmingham?” “Ummmm, no, Mike, we ain’t on either of those bills. It was just tonight, and we’re done with that already. Sorry, buddy.” He seemed to be genuinely upset at having missed us, even though he’d attended all of our shows at Rodeo Bar in NYC with my friend Kendra in tow over the months he was in residence in the Big Rotten Apple, so was presumably every bit as familiar with our act as we were our own selves.

This recording is old enough to include what to most Social D fans will always be thought of as the “classic” lineup of Ness, the late Dennis Danell, John Maurer, and a man who is probably the greatest punk rock drummer of them all, Chuck Biscuits. If I remember right, it was the first and biggest of several new-rock radio hits yielded up by White Light White Heat.



Biscuits, a real hard-hitter if ever there was one, got his start with the seminal Canadian punk outfit DOA, following that up with stints with California hardcore icons Black Flag and the Circle Jerks before landing in a little ol’ band called Danzig, a move engineered by producer Rick Rubin at the specific behest of Glenn Danzig himself.

Since I’ve put myself in mind of all that good ol’ punk stuff I used to love so much, might as well subject y’all to one of DOA’s best.



Hard to believe now that we were ever that young.

2

When only one side is open to fair and honest debate, guess which side will win

An argument founded on a false premise.

If the recent assassination attempt targeting Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh weren’t sufficient proof that a divided America is tiptoeing toward violent conflict, a research firm released a “disturbing poll” showing that nearly half of male Democrats under the age of 50 believe it acceptable to assassinate a politician “who is harming the country or our democracy.”

Uh huh. Know who else deemed ruthless politically-motivated violence not only “acceptable,” but downright essential? Go on, guess.

Sen. Rand Paul, who has suffered two violent, politically motivated attacks in recent years, called out the White House and congressional Democrats for “ginning up and encouraging” violence. However, in a country that increasingly eschews rational debate and embraces the vituperative soundbites of reality TV, it can be no surprise that the political stakes in America are tending toward bloodshed.

The author’s overly delicate sensibilities prevent him from digging down deep enough to uncover the root cause behind both the eschewal of rational, respectful debate and the escalating inclination towards bloodshed: the America-hating Left’s open advocacy for extreme authoritarianist tyranny, an ideology which is impossible to reconcile with the ideals of our Founding Fathers.

It was once widely understood in the United States that vociferous debate and vigorous policy disagreement were features of a healthy American society. Hashing out arguments over contested issues in the public square had two immediate salubrious effects: it allowed the average American to appreciate the “pros” and “cons” of consequential policy decisions, and it provided those whose viewpoints did not win the day to nonetheless speak their minds.

Here we have ourselves another insuperable problem: how can any debate, vociferous or otherwise, take place when of the two contestants has demonstrated, repeatedly and unequivocally, his inflexible disdain for it? Is their any point to trading away our core ideals in bootless pursuit of a hopeless bargain? If you’re open to compromise with Leftists, which parts of the Constitution are you willing to throw away? How many times must a stubborn fool be kicked in the teeth before he stops crawling back for more of the same?

As a testament to how vital debate and disagreement are to the process of creating good public policy, it has often been the case throughout American history that the well-articulated arguments of the “losing side” eventually rise to guide future generations.

Another suicidal, self-evidently false assumption: that the phantasmagorical ideal of a decent, patriotic, well-intentioned Left whom men of integrity can trust to engage in honest debate lives on still, perhaps even thrives, in direct contravention of all available evidence. The importance of well-articulated arguments and respectful disagreement lies not so much in their being vital to the health of a Republic than in being confirmational markers of a healthy Republic’s existence.

Of all the fruits that naturally grow from the variegated branches of free speech, its disposition toward counseling wisdom is perhaps the sweetest. In an age when the word “democracy” is thrown around indiscriminately by politicians who wish to clothe themselves in its virtuous connotations, it is society’s respect for diverse opinions and its willingness to engage those opinions with serious debate that truly provide the cornerstone of any democratic system.

Yet where does our nation stand today — on the side of free and muscular debate, confident that lively disagreement only strengthens America’s foundations? Or on the side of insular state-sponsored dogma that tends to smother the full range of voices naturally expected from a diverse society? 

To ask the question is to answer it. In a society truly confident in the strengthening quality of free and muscular debate, there’s no need to even ask. In a society smothering under the malign insularity of state-sponsored dogma, questioning it is outlawed, a criminal offense.

So what does it say about the current health of our nation that so many Americans seem unable or unwilling to respect opposing points of view? What does it say about our political leaders when they increasingly spurn public debate and vilify those with whom they disagree? What does it say about our institutions when they are quick to label those who protest government policies as “domestic terrorists”? What does it say about our prominent news publications when they declare certain debates “settled” or certain opinions “disinformation”?

What does it say about the author, that he would have us “respect” creeping Marxist tyranny in our own goddamned country instead of fighting to the very last extreme to destroy it?

It says, I believe, that we are advancing down a dangerous path in the United States, one that will only become more treacherous the more we refuse to “agree to disagree.” Silencing opinion to drown out noise will only cause greater animosity.

Which animosity, on the part of the blameless multitudes who have been unjustly silenced, is entirely commendable. Admittedly, the path is a dangerous one. Unfortunately, we’ve advanced practically to the end of it, we’re just coasting along with no brakes, and it’s all downhill for us now.

Censoring dissent in order to fabricate “unanimous agreement” will only lead to bad policy outcomes. Demonizing adversaries as unworthy of consideration will only divide us more sharply.

Apart from the malodorous and un-American use of censorship, insult, and intimidation to manipulate public debate, increasing incidents of political violence are timely reminders why vigorous argument still serves this country best.

“Vigorous argument” can best serve only a healthy Republic, whose polity holds values and beliefs that may differ, but are in the main compatible.

If debate and disagreement are no longer understood as hallmarks of the American system of democracy, then that system will quickly go up in smoke. If individual Americans are treated as “domestic enemies” for their political beliefs, then spiraling violence becomes inevitable.

Got some bad news for ya, JB: the American system, a perennially-harried combustible “transitioned” by fanatically patient and determined Leftist firebugs into soot and smoke which long since wafted right up the chimney, out, and away. Worst of all, if we’re too prissy, too stiff with delusion, too complacent and/or cowed, to admit to ourselves the existence of a formidable OpFor contingent of bona-fide, self-declared “Enemies, Domestic,” we were soundly defeated well before the first shot was fired.

It’s remarkable, the number of otherwise intelligent people who sincerely believe today’s dissolute, incurious, lazy-minded generation of Americans to be well above so much as contemplating any future resort to the barbaric measures employed by our primitive, unenlightened Founders to carve out a new nation from the constricting coils of the British Empire for themselves and their posterity. As if Jefferson’s prophetic warnings of the ever-present need to maintain a finely-honed edge on our ability to call down the thunder whenever the situation requires it of liberty-loving Americans.

3

OOOOOOPS!

Quite possibly the most hilarious Freudian slip in all of recorded history.


More:

On Wednesday, former President George W. Bush made an unfortunate slip up during a speech condemning Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Bush was discussing democracy’s importance and the threats it faces in the U.S. and abroad when he made a gaffe that has since captured a significant amount of attention.

“In contrast, Russia elections are rigged,” said Bush. “Political opponents are imprisoned or otherwise eliminated from participating in the electoral process. The result is an absence of checks and balances in Russia and the decision of one man to launch a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq – I mean, of Ukraine.”

Bush then laughed it off, shrugging as he said “Iraq, too” under his breath.

“Anyway– 75,” said Bush, making a joke about his age.

By way of useful comparison, please note that the current illegitimate White House occupant has been attached like a remora to the Deep State teat for half a century, is three years older than Bush is, and beclowns himself far more severely than Bush’s little brain fart above multiple times every day.

6

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