Memezapoppin’!

Welcome to this week’s installment of our Wednesday meme feature, folks. Links to the “found via” sources will be attached to the specific MiQ’s (Memes in Question) whenever I can remember them, which likely won’t be very often. Only the first two memes will appear above the fold to save on bandwidth usage, since I assume not everybody who shows up at this here websty will want to see all of them. This intro will appear at the top of each week’s Memezapoppin’! post. Enjoy, funny-pitcher lovers.

Continue reading Memezapoppin’!

NUTS! Redux

Just in cause you thought that psychotic freak out was a unique occasion, a one-and-done—nope, not hardly, it’s a pretty regular thing.

Portland’s Screeching ‘Dog Park Karen’ Has Been ‘Off the Leash’ Before — and No, She’s Not Amy Schumer
As you may have suspected after reading about Dog Park Karen—who wildly menaced a man over his “pure-bred” dogs in a Portland dog park—we learn that this isn’t the first time this Amy Schumer look-alike has been let off her leash.

If you haven’t read about this wild incident that has gone supernova on social media, by all means read ‘Karen’s’ Attack of Portland Dog Owner Perfectly Frames Left’s Insufferable Bigotry, and you’ll likely come to the same conclusion.

Indeed, this incident wasn’t a one-off, we find, based on reactions to this story. The screech-fest by this Portland cultist is part of a pattern of anti-social, untethered, and entitled behavior by a screeching blonde who wears a NASCAR-like patchwork of causes on her sleeve. Slack-jawed viewers are subjected to a panoply of pap about puppy mills, racism, purebred dogs, immigration, emotional blackmail, Donald Trump, adopting pets, victim-blaming, and frightening fake assault allegations.

She also works for Oregon Health & Science University, according to the account PDX Real, which posted the video.

Because of COURSE she does.

Karen, whose real name is out there in the ether, has done this before, according to people who recognized the woman from their interactions with her in Portland parks. In other words, this ain’t her first dogbroglio.

From looking at hundreds of comments on Reddit, I found three others who claimed to have been subjected to this woman’s out-of-control behavior.

One person remembered an incident with her right before COVID.

Whether she’s a certifiable mental case or not, one thing’s for sure: she’s frightening and assaultive. She needs to go to jail.

Don’t she just. But of course, we’re living in Amerika v2.0 now, where the inmates run the asylum.

NUTS!

Crazy lady illustrates just how very far we’ve fallen—as a nation; as Americans; as individuals; as civilized, rational, well-meaning human adults.

i’m telling ya, gang, you ain’t gonna believe this one.


This rage junkie’s unprovoked hissy fit deserves some kind of token of recognition—say, a trophy; a statuette along the lines of the Oscar, the Tony, or the Grammy; a colorful silk ribbon sizeable enough that it can be tied in back of the neck and draped over the collarbones and down to about mid-sternum, the way a proper necklace is usually worn; a gold medal to hang from said ribbon/necklace, a one-two knockout punch which results in a stylish accessory that, for all intents and purposes, might have been made to be shown off at private parties, film/art-show openings, next year’s Kentucky Derby, or some other such event; a generous cash prize; a professionally printed, suitable-for-framing certificate of merit presented personally by Hizzoner the Mayor’s very own hand; an honorary diploma from the nearest cow-college.

Then there’s the charity-fundraising dinner in a ritzy restaurant so jam-packed with minor to middling local celebutards that whenever at least two of said celebs stands close together and smiles for the cameras, the high-wattage light bouncing off the razzle-dazzle dentition on display produces a reflection so intensely retina-singing that any diner, restaurant employee, sidewalk-dwelling stewbum, or luckless looky-loo gawking through the establishment’s big front window who gets hit smack dab in the middle of his/her/its eyeball by the tooth polish-enhanced reflection will be blinded completely until mid-afternoon of the next day, a painful injury to delicate, highly sensitive tissue which hurts in a way reminiscent of the also-blinding eyeball burns incurred by looking directly at a welding torch’s brilliant light without welding goggles*.

There’s sure to be lots more bright ideas floating around out there regarding how best to recognize Miz Cray-Cray McNutcake’s and any subsequent amusing mental/emotional self-detonations, but the above ones should suffice to get the intellectual spark plugs firing, the creative juices flowing, and the internal kick-ball rolling in the right direction, I think.

One final thought: can you even begin to imagine what life must be like for this woman’s husband/boyfriend.significant other (if any)? Y’know, the poor soul who has to go to bed every night and wake up every morning beside this psychopath? Because I gotta say, I can’t. In fact, I really don’t want to. My life sucks bad enough as it is; I don’t like the idea of using my imagination to put my astral projection (a term I picked up from PG Wodehouse’s Laughing Gas) in that pyrsynzzn’s shoes for even one second, which pointless experience would only make things worse for myself than they already were. I ain’t nearly masochist enough to make myself suffer so gratuitously, and with any luck I never will be.

* Although I’ve had countless opportunities to score myself some welding-torch eyeball blisters, I never did; whenever I heard the snap, crackle, and pop seam-building soundtrack warning all shop-rats that Goose had one of our three (3) torches fired up and was starting another of his incredibly flawless welds, I made damned good and sure to keep my back turned to him. From what friends of mine who would know say, the blindness hits shortly after the damage has been done, while the godawful pain usually holds off until sometime next day. The only effective treatment for those blisters I know of is to cut up a raw potato into thin rounds and place a slice on the closed lids of the affected ocular orb, then let it/them sit there for hours and hours. Eventually, the pain goes away, the vision comes back, and the lesson has been learned, to be remembered forever.

It’s all but certain not to go that way, though, as you probably figured out by now. Thanks to inborn human blockheadedness, Nature’s eternal cycle begins anew: the lesson will be forgotten; the attention will stray; the primordial flesh-memory of what it felt like will fade. And before you know it, there you are: somebody is about to get hurt again.

Shop Life 101, that’s all, Shop Life 101.

As the proctologist asked, “Good grief! Is there really no end to these assholes?”

Esteemed monster hunter David Codrea nails it down clean and tight.

 Jackoff can’t handle the truth either.

https://waronguns.blogspot.com/2008/03/im-jack-nicholson-and-i-approved-this.html

Then there was the time he went “clubbing”:

And how about Jack Nicholson, who added his name to the list? To borrow a line from “A Few Good Men,” hey, Jack, do you want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. Because the truth is, an out-of-control berserker bashing in someone’s windshield with a golf club over a traffic dispute deserves to be repelled. With a gun, if necessary.

https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/february-8/jack-nicholson-smashes-windshield-in-episode-of-road-rage

Yeppers, couldn’t possibly agree more, David.

1

Islamic studies

CBD posts an excellent course of instruction.

Islam is a revolutionary political philosophy that uses an ersatz religion to manipulate and motivate its adherents. The Twelvers sect of Shia Islam is a particularly nutty branch that specifically seeks the apocalypse to usher in the return of Muhammad al-Mahdi, the twelfth Imam. That means America and Israel must be destroyed!

But all is well! Only about 85% of Shia Islam believe that! Of course Iran is the most prominent Twelver Shia country, because they have assiduously pursued that goal for the last 46 years…bankrupting the country, throwing it back into the dark ages, and fomenting terrorism throughout the world. On the way it created a comprehensive police state, and cultivated terrorist proxies in the Middle East: Hezbollah, Hamas, and the Houthis are the big ones, but there are others in Bahrain and Iraq, and Syria.

But the biggest and most expensive effort is of course Iran’s efforts to design and build nuclear weapons. And not just any nuclear weapon…they want ballistic missiles with nuclear warheads! And that requires highly enriched uranium and significant engineering. No shipping container bombs for Iran! They want the best!

And for what? The destruction of Israel is number one. The destruction of America is number two. On the way they might take shots at Europe, and maybe Saudi Arabia; the center of Sunni Islam. That would be a bonus, but their real target is Israel.

And they will never stop. The raison d’être of the Iranian Mullahs and their lunatic acolytes is the arrival of the twelfth Imam, and nothing will deflect them from that goal. Nothing will stop their nuclear aspirations. Nothing will stop their support for terrorist organizations across the globe. Nothing will moderate their maniacal desire for the world to go up in nuclear flames.

Except regime change.

Annnnd BINGO, there you have it: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Weep, wail, and piss yourself over it, it ain’t gonna change a single thing. Unpleasant, wildly popular, dispiriting, enheartening, reviled, and/or unanimously endorsed or not, the facts remain the facts, the truth remains the truth. Whether you choose to sit back, calm down, grow a pair, and take your medicine like a grown man regardless of how nasty it tastes, or you’re more the type to set your hair alight, zoom around in small circles waving your arms and shrieking deliriously, reality doesn’t give a whoop in Hell what you might think.

Reality can often be stubborn as a dadblame mule, which makes it clear as a mountain spring to every girl, boy, woman, or man* that nobody but a serious candidate for a rubber room at the Ha-Ha Hotel along with one of those nice, hard-to-find jackets that buckle in back would actually expect that cold, indifferent reality might just go away and leave people alone.

PRO TIP: It won’t.

The Mullahs will not, probably CAN not, willingly abandon the “religion” founded by their hallucinatory Pedophile Prophet. The one, the only way Moslems will abandon Pisslam is to force them to. And the one, the only to do that is by the application of massive violence, bloodshed in not just buckets but rivers, and defeating them utterly, Curtis LeMay-style. Sadly, I see no sign that pampered, soft-handed Westerners retain the determination, the courage, the strength of will to do either of those things, let alone both—which are non-negotiable requirements to eradicate the jihadi threat once and for all.

At the end of the day it all boils down to this: eradicating the jihadi threat of necessity means eradicating the jihadis. Next steps along the road to dignity, honor, and righteousness will be to face up to that harsh truth; acknowledge the suicidal futility of attempting to dispute an obvious truth. Then and only then will you have readied yourself to act as if you really mean it this time. Anything less than a full, frank, honest assessment of the slavering beast you must do battle with and you might as well go ahead and surrender, you’re just jerking off here. Get back to me when you’re ready to get serious about seeing this thing through to the very end.

The Iranian regime represents a threat which is real, credible, and cannot be nullified via Western conscience-balming fripperies such as sanctions, treaties, pallets of cash, or windy threats of an impending reckoning that never seems to come. The primitive totalitarian belief system Shrubya disgraced himself for all time when he misrepresented Pisslam as “the Religion Of Peace” will remain a “clear and present danger” to Western Civ (Tom Clancy’s words) for as long as there’s so much as a small handful of maniacal Moslems left alive and free to dream big dreams, plot, and prepare the Faithful for the return of Allah (Piss Be Upon Him) to his Earthly throne. The only question staring us in the face at this point is simple: what, if anything, are we going to do about this?

The mortal threat posed by Iran’s Mad Mullahs and their pseudo-religion will, like the Sword of Damocles, dangle over Western heads for as long as We Duh Sheeple keep tolerating the intolerable; excusing the inexcusable; celebrating the wilfully blind for being visionaries, the drooling, ineducable retards for their intelligence, and the weak, frail, and sickly for their might, endurance, and robustness; foolishly swallowing whole the cliched falsehoods which contend…

  • That “the pen is mightier than the sword”
  • That “diversity (ONLY of skin color, NEVER of thought) is our strength”
  • That the chemical sterilization, irreversible surgical mutilation, and brainwashing of children is more properly referred to as “gender-affirming care”

Ironic, innit, that the above list contains both a few of the reasons for our downfall and, simultaneously, some of the things that convinced the Muzzies that conquering Western armies, political leaders, and civilian noncombatants had leapfrogged over several lower-level items, rising from merely desirable albeit of little or no importance, but was now an absolute imperative, Priority Numero Uno on Mohammed’s honey-do list.

Happily for them, every devout Moslem intuitively understands that the more Western infidels he puts to the sword and dispatches, the wider Allah smiles down on his faithful warriors. For your average jihadi it amounts to a can’t-lose proposition: you either survive to be feted as a heroic Defender of the Faith, or you die in battle, whereupon your immortal soul ascends to Paradise. Which is when you wake up and leap off whatever you’d been lying on, totally confusticated as to where you are, how you got there, and why you’re there in the first place.

You waste no more than a minute or two on unravelling this tangled skein of mystery, then another bizarre bolt from Deep Blue Nowhere strikes: somehow, you seem to have lost every stitch of clothing you had on before you awakened. Seeing as how you have no memory of undressing yourself before your nap, somebody must have stripped you of your clothes and absconded with ‘em as a prank. Ah well, time to enjoy those 72 delicious raisins Allah promised you’d receive on arrival in…dare I say it?…Paradise?

Hey, hold up a minute there, fella. Was that supposed to be 72 lovely, sloe-eyed, leggy, round-assed, big-titty virgins our Junior Jihadi would be getting, not a double-handful of dried out, wrinkly old grapes, a true Booby Prize if ever there was one? Former grapes which, strangely enough, have twice the hassle and one-fifth the flavor of plump, juicy, sun-ripened, vine-fresh, hand-picked grapes? Converted no-longer grapes so tough and chewy it wouldn’t be terribly unfair to crack jokes about these grapes/raisins/virgins/whatthefuckever being, and I quote:

SO, then. Having taken every Comparative Religion course my college offered (just because I found both the subject matter and its instructor to be interesting, enjoyable, and worth delving into), I seem to recall reading in one of my second-year textbooks a hit-and-run summation of the Twelvers cult and their obsessive belief in the  return of the long-ago decomposed Twelfth Imam (he “disappeared” in 878 AD, which casts grave doubt that there might actually still be enough of him left to justify sweeping it up and attempting to reanimate), the post-Apocalypse societal order, and Islamic supremacist dogma ages and ages ago, although to be perfectly honest I haven’t given most of the stuff I learned a whole heck of a lot of thought since departing the Halls of Academe for a good-paying (in 1981 money, that is) job as a pickup and delivery driver at a long-since-defunct air freight company.

The truly scary bit, though, is this (bold mine, so’s you won’t miss it):

Even President Trump, whose understanding of the Muslim world is far more impressive than any other modern president’s, believes that a “deal” can be struck with Iran. That didn’t prevent him from ordering the attack on Iran’s nuclear sites, but will he do it again in two years when they have begun to rebuild and have perhaps recovered some or all of their enriched uranium from the rubble? Or will President Vance order another strike in four years, or President Sanders in 12 years?

President *shudder* SANDERS?!? Saints preserve us! Or, to repurpose one of many stirring lines from Patrick Henry’s eternally-relevant speech: FORBID IT, ALMIGHTY GOD!!

President Sanders, the man says. Hideous as the prospect is, y’all know as well as I do that, in Amerika v2.0 as currently constituted—to wit: dumb as a hatfull of assholes thanks to a government school K-12 “education”; gullible as a toddler; easily manipulated; Commie-curious; bi-curious too these days, especially the young males who’ve found themselves sorely beset on every side for “toxic masculinity”—it’s not only possible, it’s damned likely. Looks like this is yet another of those occasions when I pray he’s wrong, but fear he ain’t.

* Why yes, as a matter of fact I DO dig me some Canned Heat, what makes you ask?

The power of Elvis part…4?

Well, kinda-sorta, anyway. NOTE: Check out the Greatest Hits page for the first three “Power of Elvis…” installments, to which this post isn’t exactly related other than that they all share a common topic. Or it wasn’t my intention when I was writing it for this piece to be related, nor to amount to a sequel to the others, at any rate. What the hey, it’s all about Elvis in the end, so why belabor such a trivial point?

Today being August 16th, and August 16th, 1977 being the death-i-versary of the once, future, and forever King of Rock and Roll, let’s get to commemoratin’, shall we?

First off, we gots a YewToob of what I consider one of Elvis’s most appealing signature songs, a catchy R&B confection originally penned by Lloyd Price*, which would soon after be immortalized on 2-inch Ampex Grand Master R2R tape (amazing price at the link: 35 dollars? Back in my day we had to fork over slightly more than a hunnerd smackeroos for it) by Price in a NOLA studio session run by the great Dave Bartholomew, writer and producer of many if not most of Antoine “Fats” Domino’s early chartbusters.

Lots of wonderful archival pix in that one of Elvis, Gladys, and the iconic Jordanaires quartet in younger, happier days.

In his latter-day backing band Elvis had a genuine virtuoso on lead guitar, the savant James Burton (“…one of the best guitar players to ever touch a fretboard”), who back in the late ‘60s began working for E first as a player in the touring band, later a recording-studio session man**. Burton stayed on with Presley in both positions until Elvis’s death.

Here’s a fat-Elvis vid of Burton strutting his stuff in Omaha, Nebraska taken in June of ’77, a mere couple of months before Elvis departed this vale of tears. In this short clip, Burton whips his trademark ugly-ass pink paisley Telecaster like a rented mule.

Even a partial listing of musicians Burton worked with either onstage or in the studio is nothing short of jawdropping: Bob Luman; Dale Hawkins; Ricky Nelson; Elvis Presley (he was also leader of Presley’s TCB Band, the same slot as the similarly awe-inspiring Travis Wammack filled for/with Little Richard Penniman at Tramps when the BPs played a 2-shows-per-night, three-night stand opening for the self-styled Architect of Rock & Roll); The Everly Brothers; Johnny Cash; Merle Haggard; Glen Campbell; John Denver; Gram Parsons; Emmylou Harris; Judy Collins; Jerry Lee Lewis; Claude King; Elvis Costello; Joe Osborn; Roy Orbison; Joni Mitchell; Hoyt Axton; Townes Van Zandt; Steve Young; Vince Gill; and Suzi Quatro.

Pretty impressive rundown of name artists, no? All the more impressive because it IS only partial. Others omitted include: Albert Lee, Rodney Crowell, Steve Wariner, Brian May, and Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, to name but a noteworthy few. Even this incomplete list is in fact a veritable Who’s Who of rock & roll, country, rockabilly, and pop artists, that’s what.

Next up: in the aftermath of The King’s bruising humiliation on The Steve Allen Show (after which disastrous outing Elvis could only describe himself as “distraught,” finding himself practically incapable of coherent speech due to the miserable asshat Allen’s openly-flaunted dislike of and contempt for Presley not just as a performer but personally) a visibly-exhausted Elvis had a long, cordial conversation with columnist/reporter/interviewer Hy Gardner for his popular “Hy Gardner Calling” phone-in show.

What a nice departure the warm, friendly, gregarious way Gardner treated the young phenom is from the egomaniac Steve Allen’s supercilious, sneering approach.

Last but by no means least, we come to the well-known story of a show-stopping (literally!) Vegas altercation betwixt Elvis Presley and a belligerent, sloppy-drunk oaf heckler, Big (Boob) Mike Henderson. Clocking in at just under 16 minutes it’s a long ‘un, I freely admit. But stick with it, definitely; the payoff is well worth the wait.

Awright, awright, a WAY better payoff woulda been seeing Elvis slam a hard, fast knuckle samwidge into this punk-ass bitch’s snot locker, knocking Sir Punch-A-Lot flat on his stupid ass onto the casino stage.

As is noted in the vid, Elvis’s deft defusing of a volatile, rapidly-escalating confrontation which could just as easily have taken a different, much darker turn was so smoothly managed that his handling of the situation is still studied today in conflict-management and -resolution training courses as the pluperfect example of how it’s done. Soft-spoken, surehanded, patient, preternaturally calm, humane—against all odds, Elvis forged peace from what appeared to be inevitable, unavoidable violence; soothed and gently reassured 1) a twitchy, unhinged antagonist; 2) an audience made anxious by the increasingly irrational bluster and brigandry of the inebriated, obnoxious lowlife; 3) every musician, crewman, custodian, sound/lighting technician, and venue staffer onstage with the prospective combatants; turned an enemy into a friend by merely speaking frankly and honestly to and demonstrating an unfeigned interest in him—all these nigh-impossibilities pulled off singlehandedly before a capacity crowd of 20,000 screaming cash customers, no less!

Too, it tells us everything we’ll ever need to know about what kind of man Elvis Presley really, truly was way down deep inside.

The narrator of the above vidya dryly informs us that, as the artist the Colonel liked to call “My Boy” strode placidly out to front-center-stage to address his rage-incapacitated interlocutor, Tom Parker was standing in the wings at Stage Right “having a heart attack,” and I expect he was at that. Elvis’s bandmates and backing vocalists (the Sweet Inspirations, Millie Kirkham, and Kathy Westmoreland), the audience, the stagehands, go-fers, and production crew—they must surely ALL have been clutching their chests in prodigious agonies of consternation at the sight of the show’s Starring Attraction putting himself in harm’s way so nonchalantly.

Moving on from speculation, hypothesizing, and out-and-out fantasizing, to this day Elvis Presley still outsells pretty much everybody else, and not by a small margin, either. Despite the figures that show the product fairly flying off the shelves, Elvis Presley records, tapes, and CDs don’t turn up in the Hot 100 nowadays because, according to Billboard, the fact that they aren’t new releases disqualifies them. No matter; we already know well enough who the King really is, thankee. It is assuredly NOT pathetic national joke Howard Stern, however girlishly and vehemently he may whinge otherwise.

In sum, even 48 years after his tragic demise*** the Big E’s spectral presence still looms large over the music biz, an incorporeal inspiration and influence that doesn’t look like going away anytime soon.

Elvis, you may be gone but you will NEVER be forgotten, bless your beautiful soul. We love you, and will always miss you.

* Amusingly enough, I remember meeting Price after one of those aforementioned Tramps shows supporting Little Richard

** A hateful, thankless job if ever there was one; go ahead, ask me how I know, I DARES ya!

*** No, Elvis did NOT “die on the toilet,” as has been gleefully and erroneously claimed for decades by his detractors. Elvis’s master bedroom and en suite bathroom had a modest-sized but plush lounge area separating them, just spacious enough to accommodate a chaise longue and a comfy, well-cushioned La-Z-Boy recliner/rocker. Elvis thought of his lounge as a place of refuge, his own private hideaway in which he could shuck his ELVIS PRESLEY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! persona and go back to being Gladys and Vernon Presley’s only kid—just 19 years of age, a part-time delivery man for Crown Electric Company of Memphis, paid a whopping one (1) dollar per hour—for a spell.

In his lounge, things were quite different: Elvis could laze about in his PJs, his tall, thick, heavily-pomaded, spectacular pompadour disheveled, a-tangle, and uncombed. Unlike World Famous Elvis, Private Lounge Elvis didn’t need to impress anybody; in that place late in the night, he didn’t owe a single soul a single goddamned thing. There was no fear of failure; no grinding pressure to capture and hold an audience; no nervousness, no jittery, unsettled stomach, no stage fright; no expectations whatsoever for him to live up to. In his lounge, Elvis could simply relax, read, and enjoy a refreshing interlude of uninterrupted peace, quiet, and solitude which would belong to him and him alone.

Until that fateful night when his young girlfriend Ginger Alden discovered him crumpled unconscious and non-responsive on the carpeted floor of the lounge—NOT on, in front of, or next to the toilet. Elvis actually passed away in the ambulance on the way to Memphis General Hospital

Update! My mention of Dave Bartholomew way up yonder brought to mind another NOLA R&B icon: Smiley Lewis, who will always be twinned with Bartholomew in my addled, befogged brain for some unknown reason. Between them, those two cats wrote more unforgettable music than you can shake a stick at—music which constitutes the bedrock, the very foundation-stones, of rock & roll both back in Lewis’ and Bartholomew’s day and as we in the modern era know it as well. Like yet another bona-fide legend from a previous musical era, Willie Dixon, Bartholomew and Lewis are simply all over classic R&B/RaB/rock & roll; everyplace you look you’re gonna see those rascals peeping back atcha.

I dunno, maybe I can hardly think of one without thinking immediately of the other because I spent so dang many years playing so dang many of their songs with the BPs. And HEY PRESTO! Just like that, I’m reminded of another legend: Big Al Downing, who we’ve discussed before in these h’yar parts.

Now THAT’S the stuff! Had to’ve played that song about a blue million times with the Playboys, and it was a stone gas each and every time we did. It never yet got old, and it ain’t ever gonna.

Updated update! Every picture tells a story, don’t it?

From August 1977: Thousands of grief-stricken Elvis fans outside Graceland right before the gates were opened to admit them, allowing them to mourn their lost idol in the grounds of his longtime home. From what I’ve read, the feeling of the Presley family was that if the fans were comforted by being invited inside the gates of Graceland and off the streets and sidewalks, then it was worth whatever damage to the carefully-manicured lawn the teeming throng might do along the way.

After all, trampled, torn-up grass, disfigured shrubbery, and mauled flower beds can always be made whole again with some hard work. But a heart shattered by sudden, unexpected bereavement? Ehhh, not so much.

Update to the updated update! Been idly mulling over this self-generated Bartholomew/Lewis mental pairing of mine, when something struck me as kinda weird about it. I mean, it’s mainly just the BarthoLew entity, even though there are a shitload of other two-man combinations which could, perhaps even should, have the same affect on me, but don’t. For example, whenever somebody mention Dave Edmunds, Nick Lowe doesn’t necessarily come waltzing along into my head close behind. Same-same for, oh, say, Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons; David Bowie and Iggy Pop; Pete Townsend and Roger Daltrey; Layne Staley and Jerry Cantrell.

On the flipside, though: Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs? Homer and Jethro? Jan and Dean? Crosby and Hope? Sam and Dave?

Begging your pardon, kind sirs, but don’t you even think of throwing Simon and Garfunkle at me at this juncture. I’ve spent a considerable chunk of my life trying my level best NOT to think of Art Shinola and his boozum chum Paul Gobblefuckndinkle, and after lo, these many years I’ve become quite good at it, believe you me. You chuck those two shit-slurping doofii at my head, thereby distracting me from the task at hand, disrupting my concentration, and upending my groove so ruinously I can’t get my head back on straight, my heart back in the game, my attention refocused and re-aimed correctly, my thoughts realigned and retuned so that they’ll flow freely, unhindered and unobstructed in the way a mighty river does.

I tremble and quake with fear at the painfully slow dawning of a dreadful realization: I may not ever be able to do these most needful of things again. In which event I hereby solemnly swear that I will neither rest nor remit nor recede nor relent until the blaggard who forcibly reacquainted me with those two dickless purveyors of emasculated, stupefyingly flavorless Wimp Rock gruel have been dealt with to my own satisfaction: ie cruelly, harshly, and above all fully.

Lastly but not leastly, what price Loretta and Doolittle Lynn (to purloin a typically-exquisite Wodehouse phrase)? Where do THEY fit into this gi-normous 50,000-piece jigsaw puzzle? DO they fit into it, even…?

Okay, okay, let’s forget I brought the whole thing up. From now on, we’ll just pretend it never happened.

Gutfeld shows ’em

Ahh, more sweet, sweet liberal tears.

Fox News’ Gutfeld delivers massive ratings boost to Fallon’s ‘Tonight Show’ with cross-network appearance
NBC late-night show had highest ratings of year with Fox host’s appearance

Fox News Channel host Greg Gutfeld’s first appearance on NBC’s “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” last Thursday delivered the program’s largest audience of the year.

The “Gutfeld!” namesake joined Fallon from the iconic Studio 6B in Rockefeller Center, a stone’s throw from FOX News Media’s New York City headquarters in Manhattan.

Gutfeld’s appearance drew 1.7 million viewers, marking the highest-rated “Tonight Show” of 2025 and giving the program a 57% increase compared to its year-to-date average of 1.1 million viewers, according to data from Nielsen Media Research.

The Jonas Brothers were the other guests the night of Gutfeld’s appearance. The YouTube clip of Gutfeld’s appearance had nearly 1 million views as of Tuesday afternoon, the most of any interview on Fallon’s channel in nearly a month.

During the crossover event, Gutfeld revealed how he first met the fellow late-night host. After giving Fallon a warm embrace, Gutfeld quipped that it “brought back memories.”

“This is hilarious — we’ve met before,” Fallon began. 

“Yes, you have no memory of it,” Gutfeld responded. “Which is understandable, because we were wasted.”

Heh. According to the rest of the article, the meeting/interview/chat was entirely civil, friendly, and cordial—no blood was shed, no lives lost, no bones broken, no limbs torn off. Neither explosions nor gunfire were reported. So naturally, to the surprise of exactly no one, shitlibs have cranked up the Shriek-O-Meter to eleven (!) over Fallon’s having sold his soul to the ReichWingNaziDeathBeast devil Gutfeld.

Fox’s Greg Gutfeld appearance with Jimmy Fallon makes liberal media furious
Gutfeld is a very funny man, and he’s also successful — which is why Fallon had him on. In fact, Gutfeld bears the moniker “king of late night” because his audience, on the conservative news channel Fox News, is higher than his competitors’. It’s a no-brainer for Fallon to host him, as a kind of friendly mutual promotion.

And yet, liberal mainstream media figures are furious that Fallon did this. Just look at the headlines. “Jimmy Fallon kisses the conservative ring,” said Vulture, as if bothering to engage a conservative was an explicit endorsement of everything the conservative thinks. 

The Daily Beast spun it this way: “Jimmy Fallon Fawns All Over MAGA Late-Night Host Greg Gutfeld in Softball Chat” — as if a humorous late-night show needs to be some vicious skewering of non-liberal perspectives. 

And of course, what remains of BuzzFeed was eager to attack Fallon for daring to platform Gutfeld. “‘This Seals It For Me’: People Are Completely Turning On Jimmy Fallon For His Recent Talk Show Guest, And It’s Not Pretty.” 

Remember back when this clickbait tripe actually mattered? When liberals rewarded BuzzFeed-esque content farming with millions of page views? When easily triggered progressives ruled the discourse with an iron fist? Well, those days are over.  

Now, no one cares what the pearl-clutching liberals of BuzzFeed have to say. Gutfeld has a bigger audience — and for what it’s worth, good on Gutfeld for being willing to platform alternative voices. They didn’t talk about politics, and that’s okay. Not everything needs to be a political confrontation.

Why, you….you…you…OH YES IT GODDAMNED WELL DOES, YOU TRAITOR SONSABITCHES!!!

Via Ace, who adds:

In one month, the New York Times will report the news from the Mandela Effect Zone where no one on the left made a big deal about one talk show host appearing on a different show, and it was all the crazed righties making a big deal about it.

Yep, count on it.

Are the Russians our greatest enemy? No.

2018 – Recall Herr Mueller and his Gestapo like band of litigators with the resulting indictment of Russians located in Russia, meaning none would ever stand trial, so no need to ever prove the case.

Recall that it was President Trump that questioned this, recall that he was branded a traitor by many that claim to be on the “right”*.

Trump was labeled a traitor for refusing to accept the Russian hack narrative without evidence. Even his own DNI at the time, Dan Coats, as well as many Republicans, publicly pushed back against him. As it turns out, Trump was absolutely correct, and the newly released emails from Gabbard now confirm that his skepticism was justified.

Are the Russians our enemy? Yes.
Are the Russians our greatest enemy? No. The greatest enemy are the ones inside. Win that war and we win everywhere else on the planet.

Bombshell DNI Emails Expose Fraud That Sabotaged 2018 Trump-Putin Summit

*which is why I make no such claim and have never been a republican (or any other). I am quite simply an American and everything that stands for.

Humor Is Where You Find It

     Happy Feast of the Assumption, Gentle Readers. It looks to be a beautiful day here on the fabled Isle of Long. I hope for the same for you, wherever you are.

     As the years have passed, I’ve become ever more convinced that the most salient truth of political interplay was spoken offhandedly by a great man who died far too young:

     “Politics is downstream from culture.” – Andrew Breitbart

     It’s part of why I decided to try my hand at fiction. Now, people today have shorter attention spans than our predecessor generations, a topic whose exploration I’ll reserve for another time, so encapsulating important messages in novel-length fiction is less likely to lodge them in a lot of minds than cracking a good joke. The entertainer-pundit who’s proved best at this is Fox News’s own Greg Gutfeld.

     Gutfeld seldom goes on at length. When he speaks for more than a minute or so at a time, it’s usually as a succession of “one-liners.” Consider the following:

     “There’s not a single issue Democrats champion that resonates with the blue-collar American. The only contact they would have with one is hiring a guy to install in the women’s bathroom. And because of DEI the person they hire would be a dwarf amputee who identifies as a carrot. The whole party is a swill of identity extremism, luxury belief, and victimhood. They love open borders because migrants aren’t taking jobs reserved for art history majors. They hate cops because they want to be the ones telling everybody what to do and they still resent the fact that Cagney & Lacey weren’t lesbians. Aren’t we all?
     They also think gender is just an opinion until a man says something they don’t like. Their party leaders are career politicians who’ve never had a real job. Chuck Schumer couldn’t change a tire if you gave him AAA’s phone number and he would only change a light bulb if you held his hairpiece for ransom.

     Cutting, brutal… and undeniably both true and funny.

     Reality is often funny, especially when it’s being denied. It throws up clashes and contradictions that make us double-clutch. We look, shake our heads, look again, and spend a moment disentangling our preconceptions from our perceptions. Often we must struggle a bit to distinguish what we’ve been told to think from what we can see, hear, and smell. If we’re fortunate… and at a reasonably safe distance from “the action”… we can laugh. Laughter, as Reader’s Digest has often told us, is the best medicine.

     That medicine is especially valuable in a nation where twenty percent of the residents appear to be clinically insane and another twenty percent make their livings by pandering to them.

     I could go on about this, but I try to be a good sort, at least on Fridays in the summer. So to close, have a video of Shakespeare’s immortal tragedy Romeo and Juliet being performed entirely by Estonian heavy-construction machines:

     And do have a nice day.

By their friends shall ye know them

Wait, say WHAT again now…?

Makeup boss Huda Kattan claims Israel was responsible for both world wars, 9/11 and October 7
She has since claimed to be the victim of a ‘smear’ campaign, saying: ‘In order to silence you speaking out, to silence me, they do what they always do, twist your words, label you an antisemite’

Iraqi-American makeup boss Huda Kattan has claimed that there is evidence that Israel was responsible for both world wars.

Kattan, founder of makeup brand Huda Beauty, has nearly two million followers on TikTok. In a video posted to her account last week, she also accused Israel of deliberately allowing the October 7 massacre to happen.

In the video, which she has since deleted, she spoke of “conspiracy theories” about the Jewish state and said that there is “a lot of evidence behind them”.

Such theories, she claimed, included those that Israel was “responsible for 9/11”, that it “allowed October 7 to happen” that it is is “hiding… paedophiles”. And she claimed that evidence exists that Israel was behind both world wars.

Uhhhn HUH. This SooperdoubledooperGENIUS™ seems to be completely unaware that, during both WW1 AND WW2, Israel didn’t actually even exist. But hey, just keep talking, by all means. You do you, girlfriend.

Kattan has subsequently posted another video defending her comments, saying: “A lot of people were taking it out of context and did not want that conversation happening.

“I never said anything about Jews, or even the Israeli people, so I chose to remove the video.

“It is no secret that I have been speaking out about Palestine for quite some time, and that happened as a result of me learning about the Palestinian cause.”

Sounds to me like you got a good deal left to learn yet about THAT particular “cause,” Sugartits.

(Via Ed Driscoll)

Who won?

Nobody. Certainly not Texas conservatives, at any rate.

BREAKING: Texas Democrats Will Return Home, and the New Map Will Be Approved
The war over Texas’ congressional maps is nearly over, and conservatives emerged victorious.

ABC13 Eyewitness News reports that multiple sources have confirmed House Democrats are finally coming back to Texas. They haven’t said exactly when, but apparently, they think they’ve achieved some grand victory by killing the first special session and grabbing a few headlines about the mid-decade redistricting fight. In reality, all they’ve done is waste taxpayer money, embarrass themselves on the national stage, and guarantee that the new map will still pass, just without the drama next time.

It’s not all that surprising. The Democratic Party, the worst offenders when it comes to gerrymandering, throwing a conniption over Republican redistricting, was the epitome of hypocrisy, and to top that off, Texas Democrats fled to the heavily gerrymandered state of Illinois: a stunt so tone-deaf that it practically wrote its own punchline. Democrats were going to cave eventually; it was only a matter of when. 

Something tells me that when Gov. Greg Abbott vowed to keep calling special sessions until the new map was passed, they knew they were beat.

“This could literally last years because in Texas, I’m authorized to call a special session every thirty days. It lasts thirty days,” he told Fox News host Shannon Bream on Monday, promising to keep calling session after session relentlessly. “As soon as this one is over, I’m gonna call another one, then another one, then another one, then another one.”

Far as I’m concerned, Real Americans can’t fairly claim a victory here unless D卐M☭CRAT Fleebaggers are arrested at the state line on their return, stripped of their privilege to EVER work in any kind of government job again, whether it be holding an elected office or manning a guard shack at the warehouse where Indiana Jones stored the Ark of the Covenant.

What the above story indicates is that the Fleebaggers are going to get away scot-free with disrupting a duly-scheduled and lawfully-conducted session of the Texas legislature because they didn’t have the numbers to prevent something they oppose from being enacted, and will be perfectly able to do so again and again going forward, whenever they feel like it, with complete impunity.

In other words, because they couldn’t commit enough election fraud to glom control of the legislature for their foul, repulsive Party, they consider themselves entitled to undermine “our sacred democracy.”

Did I say “arrested at the state line” just now? Sorry, permit me to amend that: they damned well ought to be shot deader’n Caesar’s ghost.

Memezapoppin’!

Welcome to this week’s installment of our Wednesday meme feature, folks. Links to the “found via” sources will be attached to the specific MiQ’s (Memes in Question) whenever I can remember them, which likely won’t be very often. Only the first two memes will appear above the fold to save on bandwidth usage, since I assume not everybody who shows up at this here websty will want to see all of them. This intro will appear at the top of each week’s Memezapoppin’! post. Enjoy, funny-pitcher lovers.

Continue reading Memezapoppin’!

Capitals And Capitols

     The foofaurauw over President Trump’s federalization of law enforcement in our nation’s capital – note the spelling – has been characterized by clashing claims about the actual state of law and order in the District of Columbia. I’m not privy to the source material, so I can’t comment on the veracity of any particular claim. But I can comment on what political power centers attract. I’ve seen it in capitals from coast to coast.

     In a capital city, an observer will nearly always find two zones:

  • The political zone;
  • The rest of the city.

     The political zone is distinct from the rest. It’s typically clean and orderly. Nice, well-tended buildings with door guards and metal detectors. It’s well policed. And the people you’ll find there are predominantly white and directly associated with the government, either as office holders, appointees, employees, or lobbyists. (Neglect the tourists; they’re a transient crowd.)

     The rest of the city tends toward squalor. It’s dirty. The buildings are ratty-looking. The police are few and sparse. In the case of Washington D.C., the population is predominantly black and heavily dependent on government assistance.

     There’s no real mystery about it. Grifters and gimme types will always be attracted to centers of power. The powerful are able to “help” them. Thus, over time a slum will accrete around a capital. The Capitol itself – note the spelling – will be protected from the slum’s encroachment. Can’t let the Men Who Matter be troubled by such things; they’ve got a country to run.

     Some of those Men Who Matter will make use of the poverty and squalor of the slum district. Human distress can be exceedingly useful to a power-seeker. That doesn’t help either.

     While I applaud President Trump’s avowed intention to clean up D.C. and make it a safe city, I doubt he can change the power dynamic that created the conditions there. Perhaps Horatio Bunce could tell him why, though the president would probably continue on the course he’s already set. Donald J. Trump hates crime and disorder. Unlike the rest of us, he can do something about it, in the near term at least.

Breakthrough!

     I was greatly gratified by this:

     Lee Zeldin left a CNN host staring blankly for nearly two minutes on Monday as he took her apart regarding a recent proposal at the EPA. As the interview started, host Kasie Hunt dumped an attempted gotcha question on the EPA administrator, asking him if he accepts the “overwhelming scientific consensus” that greenhouse gas emissions drive “man-made climate change.” That was in the context of a recent announcement that the Trump administration will revoke a 2009 endangerment finding that led to the implementation of stringent regulations.
     Zeldin clearly came prepared, because he peppered Hunt with facts, and for once, a CNN host couldn’t come up with a reason to interrupt a Republican.

     Here’s the video of the event:

     I know I’ve said it before, but just one more time:

Science Is Not Done By Consensus!

     Yet that’s what the warmistas, overt or covert, would have you believe. Why?

     It’s a simple matter, really. “Global warming / climate change” is a fraud, but it’s a useful fraud: i.e., it’s useful to the Left, which seeks more power over you. As there is absolutely no evidence that human activity is causing global mean temperatures to rise – as there is absolutely no evidence that global mean temperatures are rising! – the fraud must be buttressed with something other than evidence. What remains once evidence is omitted? Consensus! That is, prevalent opinion.

     But how is such a “consensus” to be fabricated in the face of the facts? By data manipulation, data selection, sleight-of-hand, and – above all – bribery. Note how frequently the temperature records of past centuries have been “adjusted.” Note how temperature monitoring stations have steadily moved toward “heat islands.” Note how inconvenient data have been excluded from consideration. Note how “models” – the technical term is simulations — are presented as if they constitute sources of evidence. And note how government grants, and the favoritism of prestigious scientific periodicals, are lent to the “global warming / climate change” cause.

     When I was in academia, this sort of thing would bring the contempt of other researchers down on the rascals’ heads in a torrent. Clearly, with the preponderance of research funding coming directly from Washington, and the Left having infiltrated of the periodicals so deeply, it’s no longer so.

     Francis Collins, whose blog I can no longer find, commented in the abstract on the Left’s pattern in fomenting “crises:”

  1. Something must be done,
  2. This is something.
  3. Therefore, we must do this.

Of course, that first step – persuading the public that there’s a crisis in town and that therefore, “something must be done,” is a doozy. But the Left has many old hands who are adept at whipping up the necessary hysteria over nothing. Consensus, real or imagined, is also useful in engendering widespread fear. After all, if “leading scientists” are telling us that there’s something to fear, maybe we should get to it!

     More thoughts on the warmista scam can be found here. As a fillip to jaded tastes, Cold Fury’s Gentle Readers might enjoy this article. (It’s paywalled, so contact me if you want a copy.) Also, Richard Dreyfuss’s wonderful old movie The Big Fix, from a novel by Roger Simon, has an interesting bit to say about the kinship between political agitation and advertising, through Supporting Cast character Howard Eppis.

The Daily Donnybrook, and other fine things

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CF Glossary

ProPol: Professional Politician

Vichy GOPe: Putative "Republicans" who talk a great game but never can seem to find a hill they consider worth dying on; Quislings, Petains, Benedicts, backstabbers, fake phony frauds

Fake Phony Fraud(s), S'faccim: two excellent descriptors coined by the late great WABC host Bob Grant which are interchangeable, both meaning as they do pretty much the same thing

Mordor On The Potomac: Washington, DC

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Burn, Loot, Murder: what the misleading acronym BLM really stands for

pAntiFa: an alternative spelling of "fascist scum"

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FREEDOM!!!

"There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
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