Category: Damn that’s funny!

Shame, disgrace, dishonor redux

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Margolis closes this one out by saying he’s damned glad he no longer works there, and it’s not hard to see why he’d feel that way.

Buffalo, N.Y., has been named an All-America City twice, in 1996 and 2002, an honor the National Civic League hands out for civic engagement and community collaboration. Apparently, that engagement has limits, because the city now wants you to believe it couldn’t scrounge up a single spot in the entire city to celebrate America’s 250th birthday. City officials announced they were scrapping this year’s Fourth of July fireworks show, and the excuse they gave should make every resident furious.

According to Mayor Sean Ryan’s press office, “an appropriate site could not be identified that would provide a safe and widely accessible viewing experience for residents.” That’s the official story. A city of nearly 280,000 people, sitting right on the shore of Lake Erie, supposedly ran out of real estate.

That’s bull crap, plain and simple.

Buffalo just spent years and serious money redeveloping its waterfront into one of the most talked-about public spaces in western New York, and the city has held fireworks shows there before. Over the years, Buffalo has sponsored Independence Day fireworks at Niagara Square, Delaware Park, LaSalle Park, and Riverside Park: four different sites, decades of practice, zero problems. Then, in 2026, on the country’s 250th anniversary, suddenly nobody could find a spot.

Sure.

Mayor Ryan claims plans to hold the fireworks were on track until some 11th-hour complication scuttled them. He never said what that complication actually was.

Rep. Nick Langworthy (R-N.Y.) put it better than I could. “Buffalo’s leaders claimed they ‘couldn’t find a site’ to celebrate America’s 250th birthday with fireworks. Yet they somehow had no trouble finding the time and space to raise a Somali flag. That wasn’t a logistical challenge. It was a choice.”

He added, “At a moment when our nation should be celebrating 250 years of freedom, those in charge sent a clear message about what they value, and it wasn’t America. The people of Buffalo deserve leaders who are proud to celebrate this country, not ones who treat patriotism as an afterthought. Elections have consequences, and so do the priorities of those we elect.”

Adding insult to injury, one day after announcing the fireworks were dead, the city let the nonprofit Heal International raise the Somali flag over City Hall at Niagara Square for the fourth year running, with local elected officials promoting the event.

Happily, certain atypically patriotic denizens of the New Sharia state of Buffalostan saw to it that this overly obnoxious, totally gratuitous insult didn’t end well for Caliphate authorities, and good on ’em for it:

The backlash against the city of Buffalo was swift. Overnight, vandals sliced the cable, pried open the flagpole’s access panel, and made off with the Somali flag entirely. Not many on social media are crying about it.

A consolation fireworks show is now planned for Aug. 2 at the Buffalo and Erie County Naval and Military Park, marking the day the last founding father actually signed the Declaration of Independence. Nice gesture. Six weeks too late, and beside the point.

Buffalo’s leaders had a choice between honoring their own country’s 250th birthday and honoring someone else’s, and they made it in under a week.

Sad as it is, infuriating as it is, that’s about the size of it, yeah.

What took ya so long?

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Beautiful—and about damned time, too.

Local Officials Vow To Shield the Public from Virginia’s Authoritarian New Gun Laws
A new chapter in the never-ending battle between centralized power and local control

“The assault weapons ban and the public carry ban are obviously unconstitutional,” Spotsylvania County Commonwealth’s Attorney Ryan Mehaffey, a Republican, informed 7News earlier this month. “And it’s incumbent upon constitutional officers in Virginia to come out and clearly state that they cannot be lawfully enforced, and to defend the people’s rights to keep and bear arms.”

Mehaffey has been joined by prosecutors from at least 15 other jurisdictions. On June 5, Hanover County Sheriff Gregory Six announced that he “shares many of the concerns that have been expressed regarding the constitutional implications of these laws” and that “the Hanover County Sheriff’s Office will exercise its lawful discretion and will not pursue enforcement actions under these new laws while the courts consider the pending constitutional challenges.”

These skeptics make a strong case. Last week, Lancaster County Circuit Judge John Martin issued a preliminary injunction against enforcement of the ban on so-called “assault weapons.” He considers it likely the prohibition will be found in violation of state constitutional protections.

Basically, Democrats won the last election and immediately moved to implement their long-stymied gun control agenda in a state populated by people with widely divergent views and lifestyles. They’re running up against a lack of cooperation from local officials who do most of the arresting and prosecuting.

Unsurprisingly, the politicians who pushed for the restrictive new laws that are set to take effect next month are unhappy that so many local officials disdain their legislative efforts.

“Commonwealth’s Attorneys are elected to enforce our laws, which is what we expect them to do when these laws take effect on July 1,” complained Virginia Attorney General Jay Jones.

Why, certainly, asswart—assuming, of course and as always, that said laws comport and comply fully with the Second Amendment to the US Constitution, that is. If not, as you have just learned to your great annoyance, all bets are off, as long as there are even a mere handful of officials who remember what exactly this country was supposed to be all about…but, thanks to shitlib scum like yourself, no longer truly is.

Two things: lies, and whining

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If it wasn’t for those, they’d have nothing to say at all.

Trump’s UFC fight a lot like 19th century lynching, Boston College historian says
Former CNN anchor Jim Acosta agrees

A Boston College historian recently complained that a UFC fight on the South Lawn of the White House is related to the “impulse” that led to lynching black people in the 19th century.

Heather Richardson joined Jim Acosta’s YouTube show to discuss the mixed martial arts event held on Sunday, June 14, dubbed UFC Freedom 250.

Richardson, a frequent Trump critic, cited her self-proclaimed expertise on Abraham Lincoln.

She said during the Gilded Age there was no “open display of denigration of American symbols and American values” like there supposedly is now.

She then praised people like JD Rockefeller and Andrew Carnegie for saying they were “offering a way forward for the United States.”

Richardson then said Trump “is deliberately tear(ing) that apart and he is doing so on the same cultural argument of course that people used to back the first Gilded age that is these cultural wars that turn white Americans against marginalized people of color.”

“Right,” Acosta agreed.

The historian then concluded:

I mean it’s not really a stretch to say that the same impulse that created the UFC fight on the White House lawn is the impulse that really pushed lynching in the late 19th century against black Americans overwhelmingly but also against Italian-Americans in Louisiana for example or Mexican-Americans in the American West or indigenous Americans in the American that idea somehow a really fake idea by the way that America is a white nation and anybody who challenges that needs to be purged from the body politic.

However, many people did think it was a “stretch” to compare a fighting match to the racist lynching of people.

Only because it, y’know, IS. Then again, though: Boston College, typically butt-ugly shitlib bint, self-proclaimed “historian”—what didja expect, anyway? As for that pseudo-historian bushwa, Mark Hemingway has ya covered.


Oof.

MOAR good squishy!

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This time coming to us from our ‘steemed colleague, Ace.

Obama Officially Opens the Ozymandias Presidential Center As Subcontractors Complain That He Didn’t Pay Them and Left Them With Millions in Worthless IOUs
—Disinformation Expert Ace

The “Ozymandias Presidential Center”? Oh my God, I can’t stop laughing—I LOVE it! I assure you you’ll be seeing that one again here, folks—assuming, of course, that I ever do see fit to even mention Bathhouse Barry’s ego-ziggurat again. Which, y’know, I might very well not.

For any who might not be aware whence this all comes:

The banker and political writer Horace Smith spent the Christmas season of 1817–1818 with Percy and Mary Shelley. At this time, members of their literary circle would sometimes challenge each other to write competing sonnets on a common subject: Shelley, John Keats, and Leigh Hunt wrote competing sonnets about the Nile around the same time. Shelley and Smith both chose a passage from the writings of the Greek historian Diodorus Siculus in Bibliotheca historica, which described a massive Egyptian statue and quoted its inscription: “King of Kings Ozymandias am I. If any want to know how great I am and where I lie, let him outdo me in my work.” In Shelley’s poem, Diodorus has been replaced by “a traveller from an antique land” whom Shelley metaphorically “met”.

Shelley wrote the poem around Christmas 1817—either in December that year or early January 1818. The poem was published on 11 January 1818 under the pen name “Glirastes” in The Examiner, a weekly paper published by Leigh’s brother John Hunt in London. Hunt admired Shelley’s poetry, and published many of his other works, such as The Revolt of Islam, in The Examiner. Shelley’s pen name meant “lover of dormice”, “Dormouse” being his pet name for his spouse, author Mary Shelley.

That would of course be Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley of Frankenstein; or The Modern Prometheus fame, one of the very first sci-fi works. The sonnet in question, which I’ve dug ever since I first read it in Mrs Becky Thompson’s Advanced English class back in high screwl:

I met a traveller from an antique land
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

— Percy Bysshe Shelley, “Ozymandias”, 1819 edition

Good stuff, no?

No bad dogs

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Your feel-good story of the week.

MEMPHIS, TN — A Memphis man learned the hard way this week that not every backyard appliance is part of the city’s unofficial “take what you can carry” rewards program.

Police say 41-year-old Leonard “Lil Riblet” Barksdale allegedly hopped a privacy fence in Southeast Memphis around 2:13 AM after spotting what he reportedly described as:

“a lightly supervised gas grill.”

According to neighbors, Lil Riblet moved through the backyard “with the confidence of a man who’s never once considered consequences.”

That confidence lasted approximately four seconds.

Because waiting in the yard was Memphiszilla…

a pit bull described by witnesses as:

“Built like a refrigerator with childhood trauma.”

Authorities say the dog immediately activated what experts are now calling:

“The Find Out Phase.”

Neighbors reported hearing screaming so intense one woman thought somebody was auditioning for a gospel solo three streets over.

One resident said:

“That man hit notes that could remove wallpaper.”

Police say Lil Riblet attempted multiple escape strategies, including:

  • Climbing a trampoline
  • Throwing a lawn chair as a peace offering
  • Yelling “BAD DOG” in a voice cracking like a middle school clarinet
  • And at one point allegedly trying to negotiate: “Bro please… I don’t even need the grill anymore.”

But Memphiszilla was reportedly unmoved.

Investigators say the suspect eventually climbed onto a patio table and called 911 HIMSELF while the dog circled below like a furry tax collector.

Dispatchers reportedly struggled to understand him because he was simultaneously crying, wheezing, and screaming:

“HE GOT MY SLIDES!”

When officers arrived, they found Lil Riblet apologizing directly to Jesus.

I won’t even speculate on what that jibber-jabber about his “slides” might be all about. In any event, TH’s closer is priceless:

In Memphis, you might steal somebody’s grill…

…but sometimes the grill comes with teeth.

Heh. Effing BRILLIANT, start to finish. Yes, there’s a pic of the shredded spook included, which is sure to make your day no matter how rotten a mood you’re in.

2
2

Ruh-roh

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Leave it to the fine folks at the Bee to get right to the meat of the matter.


Heh. Who indeed.

Update! Via Stephen, another excellent Xweet that I felt really needed to be on the main page here too.


The ones that really slay me are the ones who, like lying douchenozzle, shithouse pud-puller, and serial female-abuser Adolf Platner, think it’s FederalGovCo’s job to see to it that it never, ever happens again. Just who the actual fuck do you goobermint wastrels think you are, anyhow?

We cannot spare this man, Sen John Kennedy

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He fights.

He Said What He Said: Sen. Kennedy Flattens Schumer, Platner As the ‘Platner Wing’ Tightens Its Grip
As I wrote on Thursday, the results of the Maine Democrat Senate primary made clear that a majority of the Democrats who voted wouldn’t care if Graham Platner kicked puppies, crushed butterflies with his bare hand, and stole old ladies’ purses, much less be a Nazi sympathizer and allegedly physically abusive towards a woman, provided he does his part in giving the party control of the U.S. Senate.

While he has his true believers in the Senate, like Sens. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), others, like Sen. Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), have been purposely avoiding saying too much about Platner, and his Republican colleague, Sen.John Kennedy (R-LA), knows exactly why.

Kennedy has made it a point this week on at least two occasions – one on the Senate floor and one in a Fox News interview – to point out how it’s now the “Platner wing” of the party that controls it, and also to warn folks exactly what that entails and the kind of person Graham Platner is and what he represents.

Better sit down for this, folks. If you know Sen Kennedy at all, you know it’s gonna be not just good, but effin’ GREAT.

In his Senate floor speech, Kennedy observed that Schumer was now “taking his orders from the Graham Platner wing of the Democratic Party” because that wing of the party “is in control.”

“Many members of Democratic leadership are scared to death, and they’re gonna do what the Graham Platner wing of the party wants,” he went on to say. They want to “burn it down, they want chaos, because they think it will help them win the midterm elections.”

Heh. Oh, but wait, it gets even better still.

Mr. Platner seems to be one of the new faces of the loon wing of the Democratic Party. Clearly, he’s angry. When I see him on TV, he always looks like he’s straining to have a stool.

His supporters say no, you don’t understand him. He’s just idiosyncratic. I guess he goose steps to the beat of his own drummer. But his history shows there’s more than that.

I mean, this guy makes…he makes Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez look like Aunt Bea in Mayberry. Mr. Platner’s comments about black people, his cavalier attitude towards rape, apparently his stated preference for masturbating in a porta-potty, his contempt for America.

I think at one point he implied he wished the Taliban were better shots to kill our people. This is not normal. I mean, this guy is 10 exits past normal.

Then he says well, that was in my past. I’ve been born again. But just recently we found out through his wife that Mr. Platner has been sending sexually explicit messages, digital messages, to other women.

He calls it sexting. He says, ‘Oh, there’s nothing to see here.’ Well, Anthony Weiner was sexting. We all said what is that about, and we found out he was sending pictures of his penis to young women.

Now, I’m not saying Mr. Platner is doing that. I don’t know. But he needs to release those text messages. I want to know if he’s a sexual predator! I mean, the people of Maine deserve to know. This guy is…he’s like a Saturday Night Live skit!

Video of the whole scrump-dilly-icious thing at the link.

“Reparations”

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Or, as it is more commonly known in law-enforcement circles, extortion.

Dem lawmaker bizarrely claims black Americans will stop voting if they don’t get reparations

Oh no. No, not that. Please, I’m begging here.

Rep. Summer Lee, D-Pa., said during an interview on Sunday that Black Americans would stop voting if they aren’t given reparations.

Lee slammed President Donald Trump’s “anti-weaponization fund,” and argued, “They are playing psychological warfare with us.”

“And that’s what they do,” she continued. “Because, again, they’re trying to disenfranchise you. Because if you believe that you’re never going to get reparations from this system, then you tap out, and you don’t just tap out of the conversation, you tap out of the system. You don’t want to vote anymore. You don’t participate anymore.”

Hey, wait a minnit here. Didn’t you just say that nigger sooperdoopergenii would be disenfranchising themselves? Or is it dat ol’ Debbil Wyte Maing who’s gonna do it? I’m all confused now. Maybe THAT’S the point…?

A cpl-three more threats/promises.


Uh huh. Pal, if the trillions upon trillions you already extorted from us Blue-eyed Debbils didn’t do it, what makes you think throwing MORE trillions down a Coontown toilet magically will? And then there’s this 50-IQ Einstein:


Gee whiz, a “mass exodus of black Americans to Africa”? Please, NO, anything but that! We’ll quadruple your monthly welfare bribe-out; give all of you a brand-new Cad-O-Lack to put up on cinderblocks out front of your tarpaper shack; free jumbo-size bags of BBQ pork rinds for all Cullud Peepuhs, etc. Just pleasepleasepleasePLEEAAASSSSE don’t go back to De Muthalan’ on us, Br’er Fox!

No “Show more…” workaround, because who gives a fuck what that yammerhead says. Ace spells it out:

Well, as they say, good. There is a certain sector of the black population, the Afro-Marxist BlacKKK, that is filled with violent racism and antisocial pathology and nigh-constant racial incitement and hoaxes and implacable hatred and seething resentment that can never be appeased, and I will gladly support them making their way to the Utopia (that is totally real) where they’ll all be successful now that they’re free of the White Oppression which seriously you guys is the only thing holding them back.

I look forward to future news of the technologically-advanced Super-Nation of Wakanda being finally made a reality.

So do I, buddy. So do I.

Update! A timely reminder, from Monday’s Eyrie meme post.

‘Nuff said.

Supreme expression of the parodist’s art

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This one is popping up everywhere today, and with good reason: it perfectly encapsulates liberal shibboleths about open borders, feral nig-nogs, RAYCISSISSISM!™, and the innate superiority of violent, savage boogaloos imported from the Dark Continent and foisted onto an advanced civilization they are in no way, shape, or form either interested in or capable of assimilating into.

Moar stupid “liberal” tricks

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It’s not that they don’t know anything. Its that so much of what they think they know…isn’t so.

First, you had shitlib sooperdoopergenius and all-round assclown Rahm Hakeem Abdullah Mohammed Emmanuel Jeffries whinging about how Trump isn’t a real fan of the basketball Knickerbockers, despite The Donald’s having been attending Knicks games at the MSG with various celebrity and/or hot-babe guests for about, oh, thirty-forty years or thereabouts, which assorted people proceeded to confirm via scads of photographic evidence in support of. 

And then Kathy Hoccchhhptui stepped in, with one of the most spectacular self-beclownings of all time. To wit:

What’s the point of even questioning Trump’s fandom? It’s stupid, and Democrats only embarrass themselves when they try. Heck, it was just a couple of weeks ago that Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-N.Y.) set this same trap for herself when Trump’s plans to attend the game were first made public. She posed what she thought was a clever trivia challenge. “I’d ask him to name the starting lineup of the 1993 championship team and see how he does,” Hochul said.

Just one leeeeetle problem wid dat, Madame Goobernator. To wit ag’in:

The Knicks didn’t win the championship in 1993. Their last title came in 1973. Hochul’s gotcha question exposed a gap in her own knowledge of the franchise she was pretending to defend.

Heh. What a maroon. Not to worry though, Kath, thanks for playing; as a consolation prize, you’ll be receiving a copy of the home version of our game and this lovely oven mitt with your initials hand-stitched on the back.

Getting the band back together

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Too bad the original line-up sucked out loud also.


Late show hosts, then and now

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    Lakeside Joe runs down the differences.

If you watch re-runs of Johnny Carson, one thing will stand out the most, and it’s that Carson had the unique ability to deliver jokes in a casual, midwestern-everyman tone; like chatting with the audience over a drink. He made it feel effortless and inclusive, as if he was one of them poking fun at the day’s absurdities (kind of like we do with snark on social media – everyone’s fair game) He recovered from weak jokes by leaning into them self-deprecatingly, which often got bigger laughs.

When Carson did his final show, one in five Americans were watching. Colbert’s final audience was a minor fraction of that. The numbers tell the whole story of what late night became:

Then: When Johnny Carson signed off in 1992, it’s been estimated that 55 million Americans watched – out of about 250 million. More than one in five.

Now: Stephen Colbert’s final Late Show drew 6.7 million – out of roughly 342 million. Under 2%.

The shift: same chair, a far bigger country, a fraction of the audience.

The reason: Carson made the whole country laugh; Colbert made half the country the butt of his ‘jokes’. Late night didn’t die of natural causes. It chose a side, aimed nine of every ten jokes at that side’s enemies, and then acted shocked when half the country stopped watching. Carson understood he was a guest in everyone’s living room. His successors decided the living room needed a lecture. Carson hosted an entire country. Colbert played ‘host’ to a minority who’s clubhouse was closed to anyone with half a brain.

That’s about the size of it, yeah. If the smarmy gasbag Colbert was even half as smart as he seems to think he is, you’d think he woulda realized that alienating half your audience from your very first night might not be such a hot idea. Which, hate to have to hip all you shitlib Supergenii!™ and all, actually has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with whether or not Trump can “take a joke,” by the by.

Suicidal empathy

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Yes, it’s a thing, and it’s hilarious.


See what I mean? It would take a heart of stone not to laugh at a case of Just Deserts so apt, served up so piping hot and fresh, as this sub-genius twat willfully put herself on the receiving end of. This is PRECISELY what some of us mean when we say that stupidity should be actually, literally painful. Sayonara, sucker.

(Via Ed)

Telling it like it is

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Of all people, Big John “Lumpy” Fetterman, and my cap is duly and humbly doffed to him for his honesty, forthrightness, and stark bravery.

Fetterman calls NYC protesters ‘pro-Hezbollah/Hamas,’ puts own Democratic Party on blast
Sen. John Fetterman, D-Pa., described protesters who demonstrated in New York City on Tuesday as “Pro-Hezbollah / Hamas s[—]heads,” and indicated that the Democratic Party should speak out against them.

“Mob of Pro-Hezbollah / Hamas s[—]heads raging against law enforcement and terrorizing the NYC Jewish community near a synagogue and day care,” Fetterman wrote in a Wednesday post on X.

“Where’s my party’s condemnation?”

Where indeed, John. Free advice: don’t be holding your breath waiting on it.

(Via Ace)

En garde!

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Take that, punk-ass beeyotch.



Truth hurts, don’t it Bill?

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