Category: Damn that’s funny!

No bad dogs

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Your feel-good story of the week.

MEMPHIS, TN — A Memphis man learned the hard way this week that not every backyard appliance is part of the city’s unofficial “take what you can carry” rewards program.

Police say 41-year-old Leonard “Lil Riblet” Barksdale allegedly hopped a privacy fence in Southeast Memphis around 2:13 AM after spotting what he reportedly described as:

“a lightly supervised gas grill.”

According to neighbors, Lil Riblet moved through the backyard “with the confidence of a man who’s never once considered consequences.”

That confidence lasted approximately four seconds.

Because waiting in the yard was Memphiszilla…

a pit bull described by witnesses as:

“Built like a refrigerator with childhood trauma.”

Authorities say the dog immediately activated what experts are now calling:

“The Find Out Phase.”

Neighbors reported hearing screaming so intense one woman thought somebody was auditioning for a gospel solo three streets over.

One resident said:

“That man hit notes that could remove wallpaper.”

Police say Lil Riblet attempted multiple escape strategies, including:

  • Climbing a trampoline
  • Throwing a lawn chair as a peace offering
  • Yelling “BAD DOG” in a voice cracking like a middle school clarinet
  • And at one point allegedly trying to negotiate: “Bro please… I don’t even need the grill anymore.”

But Memphiszilla was reportedly unmoved.

Investigators say the suspect eventually climbed onto a patio table and called 911 HIMSELF while the dog circled below like a furry tax collector.

Dispatchers reportedly struggled to understand him because he was simultaneously crying, wheezing, and screaming:

“HE GOT MY SLIDES!”

When officers arrived, they found Lil Riblet apologizing directly to Jesus.

I won’t even speculate on what that jibber-jabber about his “slides” might be all about. In any event, TH’s closer is priceless:

In Memphis, you might steal somebody’s grill…

…but sometimes the grill comes with teeth.

Heh. Effing BRILLIANT, start to finish. Yes, there’s a pic of the shredded spook included, which is sure to make your day no matter how rotten a mood you’re in.

Ruh-roh

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Leave it to the fine folks at the Bee to get right to the meat of the matter.


Heh. Who indeed.

Update! Via Stephen, another excellent Xweet that I felt really needed to be on the main page here too.


The ones that really slay me are the ones who, like lying douchenozzle, shithouse pud-puller, and serial female-abuser Adolf Platner, think it’s FederalGovCo’s job to see to it that it never, ever happens again. Just who the actual fuck do you goobermint wastrels think you are, anyhow?

We cannot spare this man, Sen John Kennedy

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He fights.

He Said What He Said: Sen. Kennedy Flattens Schumer, Platner As the ‘Platner Wing’ Tightens Its Grip
As I wrote on Thursday, the results of the Maine Democrat Senate primary made clear that a majority of the Democrats who voted wouldn’t care if Graham Platner kicked puppies, crushed butterflies with his bare hand, and stole old ladies’ purses, much less be a Nazi sympathizer and allegedly physically abusive towards a woman, provided he does his part in giving the party control of the U.S. Senate.

While he has his true believers in the Senate, like Sens. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), others, like Sen. Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), have been purposely avoiding saying too much about Platner, and his Republican colleague, Sen.John Kennedy (R-LA), knows exactly why.

Kennedy has made it a point this week on at least two occasions – one on the Senate floor and one in a Fox News interview – to point out how it’s now the “Platner wing” of the party that controls it, and also to warn folks exactly what that entails and the kind of person Graham Platner is and what he represents.

Better sit down for this, folks. If you know Sen Kennedy at all, you know it’s gonna be not just good, but effin’ GREAT.

In his Senate floor speech, Kennedy observed that Schumer was now “taking his orders from the Graham Platner wing of the Democratic Party” because that wing of the party “is in control.”

“Many members of Democratic leadership are scared to death, and they’re gonna do what the Graham Platner wing of the party wants,” he went on to say. They want to “burn it down, they want chaos, because they think it will help them win the midterm elections.”

Heh. Oh, but wait, it gets even better still.

Mr. Platner seems to be one of the new faces of the loon wing of the Democratic Party. Clearly, he’s angry. When I see him on TV, he always looks like he’s straining to have a stool.

His supporters say no, you don’t understand him. He’s just idiosyncratic. I guess he goose steps to the beat of his own drummer. But his history shows there’s more than that.

I mean, this guy makes…he makes Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez look like Aunt Bea in Mayberry. Mr. Platner’s comments about black people, his cavalier attitude towards rape, apparently his stated preference for masturbating in a porta-potty, his contempt for America.

I think at one point he implied he wished the Taliban were better shots to kill our people. This is not normal. I mean, this guy is 10 exits past normal.

Then he says well, that was in my past. I’ve been born again. But just recently we found out through his wife that Mr. Platner has been sending sexually explicit messages, digital messages, to other women.

He calls it sexting. He says, ‘Oh, there’s nothing to see here.’ Well, Anthony Weiner was sexting. We all said what is that about, and we found out he was sending pictures of his penis to young women.

Now, I’m not saying Mr. Platner is doing that. I don’t know. But he needs to release those text messages. I want to know if he’s a sexual predator! I mean, the people of Maine deserve to know. This guy is…he’s like a Saturday Night Live skit!

Video of the whole scrump-dilly-icious thing at the link.

“Reparations”

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Or, as it is more commonly known in law-enforcement circles, extortion.

Dem lawmaker bizarrely claims black Americans will stop voting if they don’t get reparations

Oh no. No, not that. Please, I’m begging here.

Rep. Summer Lee, D-Pa., said during an interview on Sunday that Black Americans would stop voting if they aren’t given reparations.

Lee slammed President Donald Trump’s “anti-weaponization fund,” and argued, “They are playing psychological warfare with us.”

“And that’s what they do,” she continued. “Because, again, they’re trying to disenfranchise you. Because if you believe that you’re never going to get reparations from this system, then you tap out, and you don’t just tap out of the conversation, you tap out of the system. You don’t want to vote anymore. You don’t participate anymore.”

Hey, wait a minnit here. Didn’t you just say that nigger sooperdoopergenii would be disenfranchising themselves? Or is it dat ol’ Debbil Wyte Maing who’s gonna do it? I’m all confused now. Maybe THAT’S the point…?

A cpl-three more threats/promises.


Uh huh. Pal, if the trillions upon trillions you already extorted from us Blue-eyed Debbils didn’t do it, what makes you think throwing MORE trillions down a Coontown toilet magically will? And then there’s this 50-IQ Einstein:


Gee whiz, a “mass exodus of black Americans to Africa”? Please, NO, anything but that! We’ll quadruple your monthly welfare bribe-out; give all of you a brand-new Cad-O-Lack to put up on cinderblocks out front of your tarpaper shack; free jumbo-size bags of BBQ pork rinds for all Cullud Peepuhs, etc. Just pleasepleasepleasePLEEAAASSSSE don’t go back to De Muthalan’ on us, Br’er Fox!

No “Show more…” workaround, because who gives a fuck what that yammerhead says. Ace spells it out:

Well, as they say, good. There is a certain sector of the black population, the Afro-Marxist BlacKKK, that is filled with violent racism and antisocial pathology and nigh-constant racial incitement and hoaxes and implacable hatred and seething resentment that can never be appeased, and I will gladly support them making their way to the Utopia (that is totally real) where they’ll all be successful now that they’re free of the White Oppression which seriously you guys is the only thing holding them back.

I look forward to future news of the technologically-advanced Super-Nation of Wakanda being finally made a reality.

So do I, buddy. So do I.

Update! A timely reminder, from Monday’s Eyrie meme post.

‘Nuff said.

Supreme expression of the parodist’s art

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This one is popping up everywhere today, and with good reason: it perfectly encapsulates liberal shibboleths about open borders, feral nig-nogs, RAYCISSISSISM!™, and the innate superiority of violent, savage boogaloos imported from the Dark Continent and foisted onto an advanced civilization they are in no way, shape, or form either interested in or capable of assimilating into.

Moar stupid “liberal” tricks

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It’s not that they don’t know anything. Its that so much of what they think they know…isn’t so.

First, you had shitlib sooperdoopergenius and all-round assclown Rahm Hakeem Abdullah Mohammed Emmanuel Jeffries whinging about how Trump isn’t a real fan of the basketball Knickerbockers, despite The Donald’s having been attending Knicks games at the MSG with various celebrity and/or hot-babe guests for about, oh, thirty-forty years or thereabouts, which assorted people proceeded to confirm via scads of photographic evidence in support of. 

And then Kathy Hoccchhhptui stepped in, with one of the most spectacular self-beclownings of all time. To wit:

What’s the point of even questioning Trump’s fandom? It’s stupid, and Democrats only embarrass themselves when they try. Heck, it was just a couple of weeks ago that Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-N.Y.) set this same trap for herself when Trump’s plans to attend the game were first made public. She posed what she thought was a clever trivia challenge. “I’d ask him to name the starting lineup of the 1993 championship team and see how he does,” Hochul said.

Just one leeeeetle problem wid dat, Madame Goobernator. To wit ag’in:

The Knicks didn’t win the championship in 1993. Their last title came in 1973. Hochul’s gotcha question exposed a gap in her own knowledge of the franchise she was pretending to defend.

Heh. What a maroon. Not to worry though, Kath, thanks for playing; as a consolation prize, you’ll be receiving a copy of the home version of our game and this lovely oven mitt with your initials hand-stitched on the back.

Getting the band back together

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Too bad the original line-up sucked out loud also.


Late show hosts, then and now

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    Lakeside Joe runs down the differences.

If you watch re-runs of Johnny Carson, one thing will stand out the most, and it’s that Carson had the unique ability to deliver jokes in a casual, midwestern-everyman tone; like chatting with the audience over a drink. He made it feel effortless and inclusive, as if he was one of them poking fun at the day’s absurdities (kind of like we do with snark on social media – everyone’s fair game) He recovered from weak jokes by leaning into them self-deprecatingly, which often got bigger laughs.

When Carson did his final show, one in five Americans were watching. Colbert’s final audience was a minor fraction of that. The numbers tell the whole story of what late night became:

Then: When Johnny Carson signed off in 1992, it’s been estimated that 55 million Americans watched – out of about 250 million. More than one in five.

Now: Stephen Colbert’s final Late Show drew 6.7 million – out of roughly 342 million. Under 2%.

The shift: same chair, a far bigger country, a fraction of the audience.

The reason: Carson made the whole country laugh; Colbert made half the country the butt of his ‘jokes’. Late night didn’t die of natural causes. It chose a side, aimed nine of every ten jokes at that side’s enemies, and then acted shocked when half the country stopped watching. Carson understood he was a guest in everyone’s living room. His successors decided the living room needed a lecture. Carson hosted an entire country. Colbert played ‘host’ to a minority who’s clubhouse was closed to anyone with half a brain.

That’s about the size of it, yeah. If the smarmy gasbag Colbert was even half as smart as he seems to think he is, you’d think he woulda realized that alienating half your audience from your very first night might not be such a hot idea. Which, hate to have to hip all you shitlib Supergenii!™ and all, actually has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with whether or not Trump can “take a joke,” by the by.

Suicidal empathy

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Yes, it’s a thing, and it’s hilarious.


See what I mean? It would take a heart of stone not to laugh at a case of Just Deserts so apt, served up so piping hot and fresh, as this sub-genius twat willfully put herself on the receiving end of. This is PRECISELY what some of us mean when we say that stupidity should be actually, literally painful. Sayonara, sucker.

(Via Ed)

Telling it like it is

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Of all people, Big John “Lumpy” Fetterman, and my cap is duly and humbly doffed to him for his honesty, forthrightness, and stark bravery.

Fetterman calls NYC protesters ‘pro-Hezbollah/Hamas,’ puts own Democratic Party on blast
Sen. John Fetterman, D-Pa., described protesters who demonstrated in New York City on Tuesday as “Pro-Hezbollah / Hamas s[—]heads,” and indicated that the Democratic Party should speak out against them.

“Mob of Pro-Hezbollah / Hamas s[—]heads raging against law enforcement and terrorizing the NYC Jewish community near a synagogue and day care,” Fetterman wrote in a Wednesday post on X.

“Where’s my party’s condemnation?”

Where indeed, John. Free advice: don’t be holding your breath waiting on it.

(Via Ace)

En garde!

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Take that, punk-ass beeyotch.



Truth hurts, don’t it Bill?

He shoots, he scores!

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Big points for RFKJ.

The Way RFK Jr. Turned the Tables on This Democrat Was Amazing
Democrats thought they had Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. right where they wanted him. On Friday, Kennedy was on Capitol Hill so that Democrats could grandstand on the HHS budget, the 25th Amendment, and whatever else they needed clips of to include in their fundraising pitches. They thought they could abuse Kennedy and he’d just take it.

They were wrong. Very, very wrong.

During the hearing, Democrats came loaded with their usual talking points about proposed Medicaid changes harming the poor and the sick. What they didn’t anticipate was Kennedy coming armed with numbers that reframed the entire argument. Instead of playing defense, he walked into that hearing room and went on offense.

Kennedy’s central point was straightforward: the administration isn’t cutting Medicaid. It’s cleaning it up.

Then came my favorite moment of the exchange. Rep. Greg Casar (D-Texas) decided to challenge Kennedy with what he clearly thought was a devastating question. “Have you met with any of the 1.4 million people who have lost their health insurance just this last year from dropping off of Obamacare?” Casar asked. “Have you sat down and talked to those folks about the fact they won’t have their health insurance again?”

The question was stupid, but the implication was obvious. According to Cesar, Kennedy was supposedly indifferent to real Americans losing coverage.

They were wrong. Very, very wrong.

During the hearing, Democrats came loaded with their usual talking points about proposed Medicaid changes harming the poor and the sick. What they didn’t anticipate was Kennedy coming armed with numbers that reframed the entire argument. Instead of playing defense, he walked into that hearing room and went on offense.

Kennedy’s central point was straightforward: the administration isn’t cutting Medicaid. It’s cleaning it up.

Then came my favorite moment of the exchange. Rep. Greg Casar (D-Texas) decided to challenge Kennedy with what he clearly thought was a devastating question. “Have you met with any of the 1.4 million people who have lost their health insurance just this last year from dropping off of Obamacare?” Casar asked. “Have you sat down and talked to those folks about the fact they won’t have their health insurance again?”

The question was stupid, but the implication was obvious. According to Cesar, Kennedy was supposedly indifferent to real Americans losing coverage.

Kennedy’s response was about as devastating as it gets. “They’re almost all illegal immigrants,” he told him.

There was a brief pause before Cesar stuttered his way through a response and then proceeded to talk over Kennedy as he attempted to make a critical point.

“We found 1.5 million illegal immigrants illegally collecting Medicaid,” Kennedy said.

Heh. Go get the goddamned idiots, Sec Kennedy, sir.

Marketing genius

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Once upon a time, there was a lovely old song went a little something like this:

Now, down the years since it was written there have been many versions of this particular song cut by many artists, many of them females. I just used this one because, I mean, come ON, man, it’s Nat King Cole—of COURSE I did!

Which is not germane to the central point of this post; no, this remarkable story of marketing superdupergenius is.

Los Angeles Rams Cheerleaders
The Los Angeles Rams Cheerleaders are the official National Football League cheerleading squad representing the Los Angeles Rams team.

History
They were established in 1974 during the team’s original tenure in Los Angeles and were known as the Embraceable Ewes. The cheerleading organization became known as the “St. Louis Rams Cheerleaders” when the team moved to St. Louis, Missouri. Beginning with the 2016 NFL season, the organization changed its name to the “Los Angeles Rams Cheerleaders” to associate themselves with the recently relocated Los Angeles Rams football team. They also have their own television show by the name of LA Rams Cheerleaders: Making the Squad.

Heh. Bold mine, because I absolutely love it.

“The Times regrets the error”

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Mike’s Iron Law #7846: When all the “errors” and “honest mistakes” seem to cut in only one direction, what you’re seeing isn’t actually an error at all, but an agenda.

To wit…

Via Ed Driscoll, who, incredible as it may seem, has more examples of those one-way NYT “errors.”

In response to…

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This lackwit drivel.


Is Joe Huffman’s no-bull blast of plain common sense.

Your “horrifying if you believe in the First Amendment” drivel is the exact cognitive blind spot these cells exploit…weaponizing free speech as a get-out-of-consequences card for those who piss on it with bullets and bombs.

Brandenburg v. Ohio carved it out decades ago:

protected speech stops cold at incitement to imminent lawless action that actually happens. They didn’t just talk; they executed.

The Constitution doesn’t shield arsonists, shooters, or terror enablers any more than it shields Al-Qaeda sympathizers handing out bomb manuals.

This verdict isn’t chilling dissent; it’s lethal accountability, the kind that deters the next cell of ideologically poisoned fuckwits from turning public facilities into kill zones.

So spare me your performative horror, you fucking idiot.

The jury saw the pathology for what it was. The FBI built the case on it. And the law cut them down.

Cry harder, sweetheart.

LHGrey™️ @grey4626
Posted on X, March 14, 2026

With this Parthian shot tacked on for good measure.

It is interesting this person believes the First Amendment protects the destruction of government property and shooting a police officer with an AR-15. They must have crap for brains. With that broad of scope for the First Amendment, just imagine what the Second Amendment must protect. Why, it must protect the use of artillery dropping HE on the U.S. Capital or some such thing.

Hey, I’m okay with that interpretation, myself.

(Via Sarah Hoyt)

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