Birth of a legend

And a culture—or sub-culture, or counter-culture.

What Do You Got? The Wild One, The Loveless and the Biker Movie
On the fourth of July weekend in 1947, a group of bikers rode into a small California town and, depending on who you believe, either had a great party or went on an orgy of destruction. This single incident – now famous as the Hollister Invasion or the Hollister Riot – created both the abiding myth of the outlaw biker and the renegade bike gang, and inspired the movie that provided the template for every other biker movie to follow.

The occasion was the first major bike rally held by the American Motorcycle Association in California since before World War Two, and while attendance was expected to be high, nobody anticipated what would really happen. Hollister – about two hundred miles south of San Francisco and inland from Monterey and Carmel – had always been friendly to bikers, hosting regular races and hill climbs on the Bolado Racetrack.

It had, according to Tom Reynolds’ Wild Ride: How Outlaw Motorcycle Myth Conquered America, “twenty-seven bars, twenty-one gas stations and only six policemen.” It had its own bike club, the Tophatters (still in existence today) – one of dozens, probably hundreds of groups of mostly ex-servicemen who got together to ride, race, drink and raise a bit of hell just before the Hell’s Angels formed a year after Hollister and took over the image of the outlaw biker forever.

Uhh, not to pick nits or anything, but having had a few good friends flying the Red & White patch over lo, these many years—enough of them to know it actually does matter to them, if no one else—technically it’s supposed to be Hells Angels, no apostrophe. Kinda undermines the author’s credibility a wee mite, I think. A bit odd too that, in this recounting of the Hollister debacle, no mention is made of the less-hyped but way worse Laconia whoopjamboreehoo in 1965. Then again, maybe nobody’s made a movie about that one yet. Speaking of Hollister and hype, though, the iconic Life magazine photo of one of the likkered-up, violent “rioters” is instructive:

As it turns out, the provocative pic was almost certainly staged by Life’s sensationalist “photojournalist” and his assistants:

The reliability of the striking photo has been debated, with some sources suggesting that the scene was overtly staged. While the photograph was taken by Barney Petersen of the San Francisco Chronicle. the Chronicle did not run it, nor any other images, in its initial two articles covering the event. The bearded individual standing in the immediate background of the photograph, Gus Deserpa, has said he is sure that the photograph was staged by Petersen, and gave the following account: “I saw two guys scraping all these bottles together, that had been lying in the street. Then they positioned a motorcycle in the middle of the pile. After a while this drunk guy comes staggering out of the bar, and they got him to sit on the motorcycle, and started to take his picture.” Deserpa claims he deliberately tried to sabotage the staging by stepping into the shot, but to no avail.

Barney Peterson’s colleague at the Chronicle, photographer Jerry Telfer, said it was implausible that Peterson would have faked the photos. Telfer said, “Barney was not the type to fake a picture. Barney was the kind of fellow who had a very keen sense of ethics, pictorial ethics as well as word ethics.”

And you can believe just as much or as little of that as you like; surely, no “journalist” would ever lie, right? RIGHT?!? Why, it’s simply UNPOSSIBLE!!!

Anyways. Onwards.

“Nobody has ever fully explained what happened in the town on Independence Day weekend in 1947,” writes Reynolds, “because the allure of the myth is far more tantalizing than whatever facts can be gleaned from eyewitnesses or news photographs. Descriptions run from just a wild party to a rural version of the Rape of Nanking.”

Hollister would inspire a film, The Wild One (1953) – the film that Marlon Brando made between A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) and On the Waterfront (1954) and arguably did more than either film to create Brando’s persona, both on and off the screen. Its basic plot – bike gang comes into conflict with squares, causes mayhem/destroys small town/inspires vigilante payback – is really just a western with wheels instead of hooves, which is why it would be so easy to copy for decades to follow, in films with titles like Dragstrip Riot, The Wild Angels, Devil’s Angels, The Rebel Rousers, Angels from Hell, She-Devils on Wheels, Satan’s Sadists, Angel Unchained and dozens more whose plots vary as much as their titles.

The Wild One begins with a warning: “This is a shocking story,” the boldface card explains over a shot locked off just above the asphalt of a country road stretching to the vanishing point. “It could never take place in most American towns – but it did in this one.”

The first time I watched The Wild One as a teenager I constantly wondered when I’d seen it before; every plot point and conflict worn itself into the pop culture collective memory of the “biker picture” I shared with everyone else: the combination of curiosity, excitement and revulsion when the locals encounter Johnny Strabler (Brando) and the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club; the gang’s goofy mix of childish provocation and cornball hipster slang; the belligerent square john local businessman who insists they have to take matters into their own hands and teach these hoodlums a lesson.

Even Johnny’s signature line, among the most famous Brando ever uttered in his career (“Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?” “What do you got?“) had been rendered as rote as pantomime by the time I finally saw it on screen and in context.

The Wild One – directed by László Benedek (Song of Russia, Death of a Salesman), produced by Stanley Kramer and based on “Cyclists’ Raid”, a short story by Frank Rooney published in Harper’s magazine – strains for relevance. Even the costume Lee Marvin wears as Chino, leader of rival bike gang The Beetles, is based on “Wino Willie” Forkner, founder of the Boozefighters, the outlaw gang that was blamed for most of the trouble in Hollister.

(Forkner was a consultant on The Wild One but quit in protest at the portrayal of bikers. The Boozefighters are still around, with chapters all over the world.)

Interestingly enough, and to my bemused astonishment when I learned of it, there’s a Boozefighters MC chapter in CLT, of all locales. I met a young fella in a Boozefighters cutoff at one of our Double Door shows, asked him about it, and saw him at several more of our shows after. Friendly, personable guy, in fact, accounting for my initial astonishment, since the original Boozefighters MC members (Wino Willie most definitely included) were notoriously some of the toughest, rowdiest, most flat-out dangerous one-percenters ever to fly a patch. Even first- and second-generation HA patch holders gave them respect, when they weren’t just avoiding them outright.

Despite my snarky dig at the author’s credibility before, it’s nonetheless a decent enough piece all in all. Certainly, his point about most of the biker-exploitation flicks being sub-par is not something I’ll dispute; I’ve seen all the ones he writes about and many more of the genre besides, and if you’re not into gazing at rip-snorting custom Harleys tearing around the landscape there ain’t much in ‘em for your average Joe Cager to enjoy.

One thing that does puzzle me a mite: contra his sniffy disdain for the biker movies of the 50s and 60s, McGinnis goes on to more-or-less gush at great length about The Loveless, characterizing it as a film with pretentions to High Art whose flaws prevent it from living up to its lofty cinematic ambitions. I saw it many years ago and thought it a real stinkburger myself, not even a patch on The Wild One, which I liked a lot back when I first saw it and still do now. Ultimately, though, even the presence of Willem DaFoe in his first starring role can’t quite redeem the flick for McGinnis:

As the film comes to its conclusion we’re waiting to see if the town is happening to the bikers or the bikers are happening to the town. The directors deliver just the right amount of sex and violence; by the time the smoke clears on the bodies they’ve made precisely the film a young man thought he was going to see when he paid for a ticket to The Wild Angels.

But the film hits its apex just before the cathartic explosion of gunshots and blood at the end, when the gang sit drunkenly around a table at the lounge, bragging about where they’re going and what they’re going to do. Dafoe’s Vance – with a straight face that hints at the talent he’d demonstrate repeatedly over the decades to follow – silences them all by bellowing out four words that impeccably sum up The Loveless:

We’re going nowhere. Fast.

As I recall, the friends with whom I watched The Loveless on VHS erupted in gales of laughter at DaFoe’s simultaneously wooden yet canned-hammy delivery of that line. “Bellowed”? Not in the movie I saw, it wasn’t. Mumbled, more like, or maybe grunted. DaFoe’s face shot adoringly from below as he runs the line; lit cigarette a-dangle from his lips; meticulously-coiffed pompadour afloat over his head like an angel’s halo; trying his very damnedest to look menacing and failing miserably: it was the best unintentionally-comedic performance of all time, hands down. He shoulda won an Oscar for it, assuming there’s a category for such. Happily for all concerned, Willem DaFoe overcame this embarrassing misfire, going on to become one of our finest actors ever.

In any event, The Loveless is as dull, flaccid, and aimless a movie as I ever did sit through. Too-pretty actors turning in lifeless performances; a shambolic, meandering plot arc; disjointed scenes in which the sole point seems to be striking sultry, cliched, wholly-unconvincing tough-guy poses for the camera; unidimensional, affectless, and un-relatable characters; a piss-poor excuse for a “script” bodged together by writers who obviously know no more about bikers than I do about writing screenplays; ludicrous, stilted dialogue no self-respecting real-world biker would ever be caught dead uttering, The Loveless does somehow pull off the cinematic quasi-miracle of being both overblown and underwhelming.

Any of y’all miscreants with a hankering some lazy summer evening to curl up on the couch with some popcorn, a cold beer, and a real, honest to God biker flick, just check out Hells Angels Forever instead, that’s my advice.

Brainwashing personified

Jesus Tapdancin’ Christ, but what a complete moron this kid is.


Not that it will make a blind bit of difference when all’s said and done, but mucho kudos to Kirk anyhow for giving this obliviated, mind-raped stupe plenty of rope to dangle from the way he does here. It’s fun to imagine Dr Brainiac’s profound, lasting humiliation once he’s hit, oh, forty or thereabouts, the deep-conditioning has finally worn off, and his own kids unearth the historical record of dear old Dad’s regurgitative self-immolation in his callow, clueless youth, for purposes of ridiculing him to actual tears.

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Nuttin’ but the truth

The peerless James Woods slices, dices, and fricassees ‘em.




Amen to ALLL that, James. If you ain’t following Woods on X, you’re missing out on something truly good.

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UNEXPECTED!

Okay, so I’ve never been much of a Rod Stewart fan, I do admit it. Even his supposedly legendary stuff with the Faces was kind of, ummm, meh for me. As for the Disco Rod era…well, the less said about that, the better. “Maggie May,” “Hot Legs,” “You Wear It Well” I like, maybe a couple others. The rest of it, not so much, frankly.

But after tonight, Rod Stewart is a-okay with me.

See, there’s a local FM radio station, 95.7 (The Ride), which on Saturday nights plays recent “Live In Concert” recordings by two, sometimes three artists. It’s almost always a good listen, even when I don’t really care for the band or artist in question. So it was with this evening’s broadcast, featuring Rod Stewart as the “headline” performer. Not so much for the music itself, as for the between-songs patter.

First, Stewart brought his old Faces PiMC (Partner in Musical Crime), grizzled guitarist Ron Wood—now sharing guitarslinging duties with Keith Richards as a Rolling Stone—to the center-stage mic to be introduced to the howling throng. This tour was by way of being Old Home Week for the pair, reuniting them after many years of not playing together.

So Wood makes a crack about his and Stewart’s famously-oversized schnozzes, to which Stewart shot back brilliantly: “Yeah, you’ll notice tonight that we always stay on opposite sides of the stage from each other. That’s because when we stand back to back, we look like a pickaxe.”

Love Stewart or hate him, that’s pretty dang funny right there. But wait, it gets better still.

A few tunes later on, Rod’s stage patter went as follows:

“I’d like to dedicate this next song to our wonderful military personnel all over the world. Iraq, Afghanistan, anywhere else: whether you think they should be there or not, they’re out there fighting for all of us, risking everything for us and for our freedom. God bless them all!”

I was gobsmacked. Also highly, highly impressed. IMNSHO, Rod Stewart expressed it about as perfectly as anyone possibly could have, without the sentiment either coming across as mindlessly jingoistic, condescending, or in any way just an obsequious pander to Mark-1 Mod-0 shitlib pseudo-peacenick pacifism, with which his concert audience just about had to be packed to the rafters.

A welcome change from the obnoxious Leftist sermonizing we’ve come to expect from entertainers these days, rock stars especially. Perhaps I’m full of shit, perhaps not, but the feeling I got from his words was sincere and heartfelt gratitude, and I gained a new respect for Rod Stewart as a result. So hats off to the man, I say. I still ain’t crazy about most of his musical output, but from here on out Rod’s all right as far as I’m concerned.

No Tune Damage embed, though; I got big plans for that later on, or mebbe tomorrow, we’ll see.

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Ahoy! Reich-wing NaziDeathBeast blogger in distress!

A hearty yo-ho-ho, avast there matey, and welcome aboard to my boon companion and like-minded reprobate Concerned American from the soon-to-be resurrected and completely indispensible Western Rifle Shooters blog, who will be posting at this here den of iniquity for a cpl-three days whilst I get his DNS set up and a-propagating. Happy to have ya, old friend.

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The greatest “sorry, not sorry” of all time

Sorry I have great tits.” Not me, baby, not me; Heaven forbid I EVER be sorry that you have great tits. And, from all appearances, you seem to be a pretty great broad, too. That would of course be “broad” in the Sinatra sense—which is entirely complimentary, not meant in any way to be dismissive or derogatory.

Sydney Sweeney appeared to try to silence her critics with a cheeky social media post Sunday.

Sweeney posted a carousel of images to Instagram showcasing her trip to Mexico, and she sent a clear message to her haters in one of them. The star was featured wearing a sweatshirt that read, “Sorry I have great tits,” in a very ‘sorry, not sorry’ moment. The shirt’s unique message can directly or indirectly be seen as a clap-back at Hollywood producer Carol Baum, who slammed Sweeney days prior, saying, “she’s not pretty. She can’t act,” according to Daily Mail.

Oooooooh, can you say “green-eyed monster,” boys and girls? I knew ya could.

The grey sweatshirt served as a low-key hand-in-the-face to those who have recently been scrutinizing Sweeney’s looks and acting skills. She made it clear that she really doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of her at this stage of her life.

The “Euphoria” star confidently threw her shade at the haters, while bouncing braless on the beach as a Mariachi band played live music. She wore a ruffled, cream-colored crop top and a flowy midi skirt, dancing happily without a a care in the world.

Yes, there are pics, and they’re spectacular. You GO, girl!

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ROASTED

Roseanne has been simply on FIYUHHH of late. Her hot streak continues.

Social media is abuzz over a video that Roseanne Barr shared mocking professional victim E. Jean Carroll, who claimed that Donald Trump sexually assaulted her in the dressing room of New York’s Bergdorf Goodman’s department store in the mid-1990s.

In the footage, Roseanne gazes into the camera like she’s overwhelmed.

“What happened, mom?” her son asked from behind the camera. “We’re at Bergdorf, are you okay? You look very shocked.”

“No, I’m not okay,” she says. “I just had a horrible flashback, a horrible memory.” She then reveals, “Right now I realize that 26 years ago, Joe Biden raped me right here in that dressing room in the shoe department where I went in to change my shoes.”

“Oh my God,” the son says.

“He raped me right here, Joe Biden, he raped me, right here in the shoe department of Bergdorf Goodman,” Barr adds.

“Are you okay?” Her son asks.

“No I’m not,” she replies. “I need to sue. I need to sue.”

You do at that, Roseanne, you damned sure do.

Reaction to Barr’s video was naturally mixed, as Trump haters accused her of mocking sexual assault victims.

“I would never insult a sexual assault victim,” Barr said in reply to one criticism. “I was talking about E. Jean Carroll.”

Heh. Also, OUCH! You go get ‘em, girl. As Margolis indicates in the article, Roseanne’s comedy-gold riff makes deft use of the fact that Carroll’s transparently specious fairy tale revolves around her non-rape happening during the exact same time-frame, in the exact same spot in the exact same store, which makes it that much funnier as far as I’m concerned. I say again: GET ‘em, girl!

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D卐M☭CRAT shows her true colors

Well, I guess this would explain a few things, no?

Why wait for legislative action to achieve wealth redistribution when you can just go ahead and take it?

Sen. Nicole Mitchell, a Minnesota state senator, boasted of helping to “create and teach a Diversity and Inclusion program” and “is committed to working toward a more just and equitable Minnesota.”

Like her DFL colleagues, that means taking stuff from people.

But even her DFL colleagues usually have a different process. Still, you have to admire initiative in a socialist.

A Minnesota lawmaker was arrested for alleged burglary Monday, less than a week after she advocated for safer communities at the state’s Capitol building.

Detroit Lakes officers booked State Sen. Nicole Mitchell, DFL-Woodbury, for first-degree burglary, according to local jail records. Police found the senator inside a Detroit Lakes home around 4:45 a.m. after the homeowner reported a burglary, according to FOX9.

State Sen. Mitchell joined Moms Demand Action Tuesday, an organization supporting restrictions on gun ownership, to promote solutions for gun violence.

Understandably, if you’re going to break into people’s houses, you would prefer that they not be armed.

Yeah, I suppose you would at that. Like all shitlibs and many career housebreakers, she doesn’t seem to accept that getting her ass ventilated is an occupational hazard in that particular job, instead believing that she and her fellow criminals ought to be exempt from such grim consequences. Hardly atypical amongst her ilk, hilariously enough.

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Turncoat turns back again?

Gotta admit, I did NOT see this coming.

Bill Barr says he’s backing Trump 2024 because ‘far left’ is a greater threat: ‘Heavy-handed bunch of thugs’
Former Attorney General Bill Barr is backing his old boss in the November election despite their very public fallout — because he believes the “far left” is an even greater threat to the US.

Barr, 73, disputed the notion that former President Donald Trump will be worse for democracy than President Biden, and warned about the rise of the “far left.”

“The Biden administration is in fact the greater threat to democracy,” Barr told Fox News’ “Cavuto Live” on Saturday.

“I think that they have a totalitarian temper. They have bought into the progressive movement. And they’re trying to squelch opposition and freedom of speech.”

“It’s a heavy-handed bunch of thugs in my opinion, and that’s where the threat is,” Barr said at another point about the far-left.

Meh, can’t say I give much of a shit about this development, anymore than I do about the 24 “elections” generally. That said, Barr is right as rain about the Goosesteppin’ Left, however surprising it may be to hear the likes of him saying it. In the final analysis, though, the real “threat to democracy” isn’t the Biden marionette or his White House junta; it’s the sinister, shadowy FederalGovCo Grey Men behind the curtain.

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Words of wisdom

Okay, this is great stuff rat cheer.

One of the hats I wore before I retired was that of resident conscience. I had a whiteboard. I started recording bits of wisdom when I started the job. I took a photo when I left. My boss used to bring people in to read the wisdom contained thereon.

I have taken the time to transcribe the contents in case the picture is hard to read:

All of the carefully thought out and intelligent plans in the world from the beginning of time to the present day tremble in the presence of ONE motivated idiot.

There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t.

You should really do some research instead of just listening to the voices in your head.

BOGSAT (Bunch of guys sitting around a table)

In a just universe, stupid should hurt. IT often does, and it hurts the wrong people

Exhaustipated – too tired to give a shit.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

We have enough ‘youth’. How about a fountain of ‘smart’?

Roman Engineer’s Law: The engineer must sleep under the bridge he designed.

I’ve got to stop saying “How stupid can you be?” Too many people are taking it as a challenge.

Lots more at the link, of which you should read the all.

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“A devastatin’ blow to our antiquated systems”

One of the all-time greatest scenes in the history of the cinematic art.

A blazing campfire way out in the boonies; a handheld camera shooting from the back seat of a scarlet 68 Chevy Impala ragtop purchased specifically for the purpose, rolling along at no more than 25mph so as not to jostle the cameraman overmuch; gorgeous, gleaming, one-of-a-kind Harley Panhead choppers; joints with actual, no-shit weed in ‘em for purposes of artistic verisimilitude; three immensely talented, daring actors improvising the dialogue in real-time, as they went, unscripted and unrehearsed.

Folks, it just don’t get much better than this.

The Captain America and Billy bikes were designed and built by the somewhat unlikely team of Cliff Vaughs and Ben Hardy, which is a great story in its own right.

When The Easy Rider concept was quickly made into form, Peter Fonda set out to get him a couple of bikes for the movie. There’s lots of controversy about who built these bikes. Some say Dan Haggerty, who was in the movie. The guy who painted the bikes, his son says it was him (his dad, that is). Some say it was Peter Fonda.

But the guy who built them was a guy named Ben Hardy. Ben was an African american man who knew Harleys, and knew what he was doing. When Cliff Vaughs was asked by Fonda to oversee the building of the bikes, Vaugh’s turned to Hardy who was well known (if you were black) in Los Angeles as the go to guy to build a killer bike, and do it right.

Peter had only one thing he wanted on the bike. He wanted Captain America to have a flag on his gas tank. Beyond that, the design was left to Vaughs. I gotta think tho…Peter was an experienced rider, and Dennis hopper wasn’t. That had to have come up in the conversation somewhere, because the Billy bike was a much easier bike to ride. I had a fat boy that was really close to the same configuration, and my brother has a friend with a Billy Bike replica. They’re easy bikes to ride. The captain America bike? Cut that steering head off and rake that bitch out like it is, throw in those long forks with no front brake and see how you fare. You don’t give that kind of bike to a beginner.

It was Cliff who actually first offered the name “Easy Rider” to Fonda. It was a term he used in the day. Whats an Easy Rider? that depends on who you ask. In the 1900s it meant a freeloader. A guy who mooched off you. To Dennis hopper, it meant a man who lived off the money of a whore. He got it from an old Mae West movie. Whatever cliff meant by it, I’m not sure. All I know is he redefined the word. To this day I think it is associated to Harley riders. Maybe because of cliff, but most definitely because of the movie. When you say Easy Rider, I think of the movie. I think of Harley’s.

Vaugh’s quickly took the idea to Ben Hardy. Peter bought four 1950’s panhead police bikes from auction, and got them to Hardy and Vaughs. Jim Buchanan fabricated the frames, the engines were built by Hardy, Dean Lanza did the paint (his son is adamant he built the entire bikes). 2 bikes were for filming, 2 were for the final sequence of the movie, which I’m fucking assuming you know about, otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this. Hardy went to work, and the rest is history.

It is at that, it surely is, and not just biker history alone. A pic of Hardy, and of his LA shop.

Ben hardy Easy Rider Bike.

Ben hardy shop-1.

The shop is still there as of the writing of the above article (mid-2012, that would be), in the same location, albeit with a new name and under different ownership, seeing as how the great Ben Hardy passed away in 1994. Betcha didn’t see all that coming, now did ya? And I truly hope you didn’t think for a moment I’d leave out one last cultural lodestone immortalized in the film.

For whatever it’s worth, I always dug the minimalistic, cut-down lines of the Billy-bike bobjob way more than the near-parodically stretched, raked, and extended 60s chopper archetype represented by the Captain America machine. Two beautiful bikes, two completely different stylistic approaches, brought together in one unforgettable movie masterpiece. Taken for all in all, Easy Rider is as 100% all-American as apple pie, hot dogs, and hog-leg Colt .45 wheelguns; it could never have happened in any other time or place.

Nitpicking update! One decidedly trivial flub-up from the early part of the movie that has always irked me disproportionately is when Billy chides Captain America for being incautious about gassing up his bike, saying “Man, all the money we have is riding inside that peanut tank.” No, gawddammit, it is NOT a “peanut tank,” Billy boy. That’s the nickname for the original Sportster gas tanks, like thus:

As any fool can see without half trying, the American-flagged receptacle adorning Wyatt’s bike is actually a Mustang tank, to wit:

The Mustang tank is so-monikered because of its origin—namely, on the pioneering Mustang mini-motorcycle, a cute li’l thang that went the way of the dodo back in 1965 after a tragically abbreviated nineteen-year run during which it somehow never found its market niche, despite a plethora of innovative technical advances such as being the first American motorcycle of any size or type to feature the now-ubiquitous telescopic-fork front suspension.

The noble Mustang name lives on in its beautifully understated fuel tank, an unforeseen legacy that’s still available for most makes of big bikes from various aftermarket companies today. It’s been a go-to favorite with more discriminating and tasteful Harley customizers since the 60s. Myself, I’ve run a Mustang tank on every Sporty I’ve owned except for the first and last ones—what is that, three of ’em, four? Whatever, I absolutely adore the things, have ever since I first got hipped to their existence by an ad in the once-glorious Easyriders magazine.

For one thing, the Mustang has a much higher capacity than the stock Sporty “peanut” go-juice tank, which holds a measly gallon or so—some .9, others 1.3, depending on the year. That translates to no more than ninety miles or so before you have to make a stop for a refill. Which, actually, was just jake with me, since an hour and a half of having your teeth rattled and your bones jarred by those old Ironheads on a daylong putt with your local wolfpack was quite enough for anybody, thanks. By the time you’d gone through your peanut tank’s capacity and switched the petcock (Pingel Power-Flo, of course; no shoddy stock PoS will suffice) over to reserve (14-15 more miles at best), you were good and READY to climb off and unkink your aching legs and back a little.

Yeah, while you glided to the nearest pump sucking fumes the Big Twin ironbutts’ unwieldy 5-gallon fatbobs would still be well over half full, so you could count on catching the usual ration of good-natured shit for your “dirt bike” or “woman’s” bike’s short legs from them. But who the hell cares what those Geezer Glide pricks think anyway? Let ‘em snigger, let ‘em chortle to their hearts’ content; their ol’ ladies will be pestering you at the bar later on for a leg-wettin’ thrill-hop packing on the p-pad (“p” for pillion, although some mischievous wags swear it actually stands for pussy, and as all Sportster riders know, neither side is entirely wrong) of your fleet little speed-demon, and everybody knows it too. When some horny, sexy biker bitch is reaching around from behind you to fondle your throbbing erection through the thin fabric of your worn, grease-stained jeans as you rip down a lonely back road, the last laugh will be yours.

Ask me how I know. Never mind, don’t, I ain’t gonna tell ya.

For another, the Mustang tank’s curvaceous good looks simultaneously offset and complement the rest of the Sportster’s no-frills, bareknuckle-brawler savagery, making what was for me a perfectly irresistible aesthetic combination. Plus, back when I bolted on my very first prized Mustang the tanks had fallen so far out of contemporary vogue as to be downright rare; almost nobody who saw mine in those days—be they old-school scooter trash or cake-eating-civilian cager—even knew what the hell it was, although they all liked it. Or they said they did, at any rate, which was good enough to suit me. I certainly did, and as the builder, owner, and rider, my opinion was the only one that mattered.

It still is, I still do, and if I had a Sporty today there would almost certainly be a Mustang tank, in flat-black rattlecan sprayed on by yrs trly etc, perched saucily on the upper frame rail between the top triple-clamp and the stiff, uncomfortable nut-buster of a seat. Or there soon would be, you betcher. Even though I’m too old for that sort of thing nowadays, hey, that’s just how I roll, people.

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John Cougar Melonhead upbraids concert audience, hilarity ensues

Just in case y’all were wondering what a dick with ears looks like, here ya go.


What a pissy, smug bitch the little runt is. Jack and Diane, my chapped ass. Whether they know it or not, he did the audience a favor by walking off in a snit, sparing them from having to endure any more of his shitty music.

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The Cowardly Lion

Don’t hold back, Chris, tell us what you really think.

Joe Biden Is a Sniveling, Unabashed Coward
Joe Biden is a coward in every sense of the word. Cowardice emanates from him like rotting garbage. Cowardice overflows his speeches like a drain backing up from a clogged sewer line. Cowardice infects everything he touches. The well from which he extracts his cowardice is truly bottomless. To witness it, in its shameless, reeking putrescence, is utterly cringeworthy.

There is nothing beneath the man. There is nothing he won’t say or do to retain power. This is true of many politicians, but most understand in some Machiavellian sense that at least some show of strength, however artificial, is required from time to time. Even Barack Obama had a moral compass that, on rare occasions, would spring to life just long enough to effect confident, decisive decisions like killing Osama bin Laden (you should recall that everyone in the room except Biden supported the move, a point of shame about which he brags).

Over the years, Biden’s media quislings have laughably associated many virtuous adjectives with him in efforts to fortify his reputation. Decent. Moderate. Accomplished. Steady. Lucid. It is telling that nobody, not even the most ludicrous of leftist outlets, has ever called him brave.

OOOF! I gotta say, this one’s such a fun, enjoyable piece you might actually come in your pants a little from reading the whole thing. Not that you should let that stop you, of course. Just, y’know, be forewarned of the possibility, that’s all.

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Your feel-good video of the…um…welllll….

EVER, I’d say.

If you don’t particularly feel like watching the vid—which, you really, really, REALLY should, it’s a joy and a wonder to behold—this meme sums it up quite nicely:

Nicely, and word for word, also. Excellent work, Ms Williams, ya done good.

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Unintended consequences

Know how I like to say that there’s always a workaround, and that Americans will always find it? WELL, then.

This NYC chicken joint employs cashiers Zooming in from the Philippines — and still wants you to tip!
Every cashier wants a tip these days — but what if they’re on the other side of the world?

A new restaurant chain in New York City is outsourcing staff to the Philippines, using screens with hostesses on Zoom calls instead of in-person employees to greet customers and help with check-out.

The shops — which specialize in fried chicken and ramen — are taking advantage of the massive wealth gap between New York City, where the minimum wage is $16 per hour and a Southeast Asian nation where hourly pay is closer to $3.75.

But when customers check out at Sansan Chicken, Sansan Ramen, or Yaso Kitchen — with locations in Manhattan, Queens, and Jersey City — they’re still prompted to add a tip of up to 18% on top of their bill.

So? With the money the restaurant is saving its customers via its initiative and ingenuity, they can afford to tip. Although I ain’t entirely convinced of either the necessity or the propriety of tipping cashiers, I must say; I never have done it, and almost certainly never will. Bayou Peter hits the bottom line:

That’s certainly a win, cost-wise, for the restaurant chain; even accounting for the cost of trans-Pacific Internet links and computer hardware, they must be saving well over 50% on staff costs. It’s probably also a win for the staff in the Philippines, who at least have steady employment at a local wage that can support them – although I’m sure they’d prefer to earn closer to the New York City mandated wage and salary scale. As for the customers? I’m not sure I’d like to deal solely with a screen for a sit-down meal, as opposed to a live human being. However, others may think differently about that.

What is certain is that this is yet another nail in the coffin of entry-level jobs, which have traditionally offered first employment to young people starting out to earn a living. Mandating a minimum wage too high for businesses to afford means they’re going to switch to something they can afford, and in this case that means removing several dozen jobs from the local market. Other restaurants and fast food chains are moving towards robots to prepare the food and take orders for it, with only minimal human staffing to keep the robots supplied with ingredients and periodically clean up the place. Again, those jobs are lost to the local market, and I don’t see them coming back.

Again: SO? Keep voting for D卐M☭CRATs and getting what you deserve, New Yorkers—good, and hard.

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CF Glossary

ProPol: Professional Politician

Vichy GOPe: Putative "Republicans" who talk a great game but never can seem to find a hill they consider worth dying on; Quislings, Petains, Benedicts, backstabbers, fake phony frauds

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