Category: Damn that’s funny!

Say, did somebody mention a work-around just a little while ago?

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Why yes, I do believe somebody did at that.

Lakeside Joe elaborates.

Although you can buy fireworks in the state, they’re not actually legal here. Indeed, The Tampa Tribune in 2014 called fireworks sales in Florida an “institutionalized charade,” leading one lawmaker to call for “more freedom (and) less fraud.”

The whole FUSA could use a hell of a lot more “lawmakers” like that guy, seems to me. If we’d had ‘em all along, from sea to shining sea, it’s a lead-pipe cinch we wouldnt be in the godawful mess we’re in now.

Retail sales are allowed only because of a 60-year-old loophole in the law, the only known one of its kind in the country. That allows “fireworks … to be used solely and exclusively in frightening birds from agricultural works and fish hatcheries.” Indeed, anyone who’s bought fireworks from a roadside tent over the years may remember signing a form acknowledging the buyer falls under an agricultural, fisheries or other exemption.
For the record, fireworks can also be used for “signal purposes or illumination” of a railroad or quarry, “for signal or ceremonial purposes in athletics or sports, or for use by military organizations.”

See what I mean? Now that there’s a GREAT workaround. As all such things should, it tells our would-be masters, in no uncertain terms: you go ahead and write your damned bills, pass ‘em, and pose for the press-gaggle cameras when the Gov signs them into law. Then the whole sorry lot of you can just sit back and watch as we all ignore the fucking things, you Big Government baglappers.

Funny, innit, how Texas keeps slip-sliding deeper and deeper into Progressivist/Mooselimb Perdition, while DeSantis’s Florida just goes from strength to strength to strength. As bastions of liberty go, Texas begins to seem mushy, unreliable, and dispirited, but the Great State of Florida looks more and more like a big upraised middle finger flourished all up in the grilll of Wokester Amerika in a show of defiance, doggedness, and direct challenge.

Shot themselves in the foot again

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These mooks are just too, toooo funny.

Defamation Suit Inbound? Behar: ‘Obvious’ Trump Is Epstein’s Pedophile Partner
ABC News may soon be facing down another costly defamation suit from President Trump. On Thursday’s edition of The View, moderator Joy Behar proclaimed that it was “obvious” that Trump was a pedophile in league with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, and took part in the crimes the latter was convicted of.

Amid a segment where they were asserting that the Trump administration wasn’t going to release the Epstein files as Congress demanded with a law earlier this week, Behar insisted it was “obvious” that Trump was a co-conspirator:

Of course, it was no such thing. In fact…


OOOOOOOOPS...

In the course of a phone converstion earler, my brother and I reached the conclusion that Trump would have to be just about the cleanest man ever to enter the US political arena. The Hateful Left has been running a full-court press nonstop against the guy since 2015— investigating, sifting through trash bins, dumpster-diving, bribing snitches, hiring PIs, you name it—trying relentlessly to find anything at all, fair or foul, that they could use against him. And after all that digging, all that effort, all that work, still they got bupkis, di nada, zipparooni, a big fat goose egg.

And this effort wasn’t just a minor thing fobbed off onto the interns, part-timers, and other interoffice small-fry either. Oh no, this was All Hands On Deck: Party members of every rank, position, and payscale; the Enemedia “eite”; high-level FederalGovCo officials, whether elected or appointed; everybody, but EVERYBODY, had both hands and at least one foot in this filthy, stinking mess.

Except Trump, looks like.

Poor morons, one could almost feel sorry for them.  Almost.

It’s just plain good sense

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What the hell, it’s about as much so as anything else is these days.

Ladies: You need to get yourselves under control.

A leading indicator of this age is the unprecedented rise of “women” raping other women, “women” exposing themselves on buses, “women” taking out their penises and masturbating in public, “women” touching female children in public bathrooms, etc.

Starting around, oh, 2018, the rates of “women” committing gross sexual offenses previously the domain of mentally-ill men absolutely skyrocketed.

It was unprecedented — and yet not a single “expert” in the field of policing or criminality offered any explanation for it. Not a single study, not a single white-paper report.

Equality, bigots. It’s called equity. Women can take out their penises and rub them against women standing in front of them on the subway, too.

And yes I started that sentence saying it’s “equality” and then stealth-changed the term to “equity” and you know that means? It means you’re a transphobic racist for noticing the change in terminology.

Or are you saying women aren’t ALLOWED to excel in male areas of achievement, bigot?!

Heh. Oh Lord no, far be it from me to ever say such an awful thing.

Wait, WHAT?!?

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tThe greatest headline since “Headless body in topless bar” turns out to be the real deal.

Herpes-COVID Monkeys on the Loose After Big Rig Crashes: Report
Sometimes you read a headline and you think it can’t be true. But we can confirm that a big rig carrying monkeys who are believed to carry herpes and COVID crashed, and the animals escaped, leading to a massive search underway in Mississippi.

In a post from the Jasper County Sheriff’s Department, it confirmed that on Wednesday, a wreck occurred on 159 near mile marker 117 involving a “truck carrying Rehsus monkeys from Tulane University.”

“The monkeys are approximately 40lbs, they are aggressive to humans, and they require PPE to handle,” the post read. “The monkeys carry hepatitis C, herpes, and COVID. Tulane University has been notified and will send a team to pick up the monkeys tomorrow (the ones that are still caged).”

When one reader questioned whether the sheriff’s post was a joke or real, they responded, “Unfortunately not” a joke.

Which was all I needed to know to run with this story, natch.

The winner for GOAT politician

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Could only be the Right Honorable Sen John N Kennedy, R-La.

John Kennedy Just Ended Kamala’s 2028 Dreams in One Sentence
As we previously reported, Kamala Harris recently gave an interview where she hinted more strongly than before that she might run for president again in the future. During the interview, a BBC reporter humorously mentioned Kamala’s long-shot betting odds, underscoring that few take her prospects seriously. Kamala also previously claimed that people had told her she was “the most qualified candidate ever to run for president,” adding, “I’m just speaking fact.”

I don’t have to tell you that nobody—and I mean nobody—has ever thought that, much less said it out loud where anyone might overhear it.

Naturally, when comedian Adam Carolla had Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) on his podcast, they had to talk about Kamala’s delusions of grandeur.

Carolla played the clip of Kamala making her claim, and then turned to Kennedy for his reaction. “Well, I know the vice president,” Kennedy began. “We served in the United States Senate together. We were on the Judiciary Committee together.”

Kennedy didn’t hold back his assessment. “She was very scripted. I think she’s a lovely person, and she’s entitled to her opinion,” he said. “But I have seen the polling before she got in the race, and the polls showed that most Americans looked at the vice president and thought to themselves, ‘When her IQ gets to 75, she oughta sell.’ Now, that’s what the polling showed.”

He noted that the media attacked him for making that observation in the past. “I pointed that out at the time, and the legacy media beat up on me like I stole Christmas, but that’s what the polling showed,” Kennedy said.

As for why Kamala ended up in the 2024 race, Kennedy argued it wasn’t part of the original plan. “I don’t think she expected to be running for president,” he said, “but I also don’t think they expected President Biden to have a major league goat rodeo meltdown in front of the American people in his first and only debate. And so it was thrust upon her.”

As opposed to into her, as was the case when Kumala used notorious California grifter Willie Brown to suck-start her less-than-whelming political “career.” Quite a contrast with Sen Kennedy, who when it comes to politicians is rather the exception that proves the rule.

Carolla agreed that Kamala’s résumé doesn’t exactly scream “most qualified.” “Being DA of San Francisco or holding some position where you’re in the pockets of donors and contributors—I don’t know if I like those kind of qualifications,” he said. “I would take a guy who was a farmer, a veteran, a Navy SEAL, or who ran his own business. In my world, a welder who ran his own welding business—I like those qualifications better than

Kennedy closed with a broader reflection on leadership. “To be a successful political leader, you do have to be smart, but it’s more than that,” he said. “You have to be mature. You have to be governed by morality, not appetite and ambition. You’ve got to exercise power intelligently and know which bridge to burn and which bridge to cross. And you can serve in public life all you want, but if you don’t have those skills, then you’re not going to be a good president.”

He then contrasted Trump’s clarity with Harris’s incoherence. “Vice President Harris could never… she just couldn’t communicate,” he said. “It was like she was speaking in Sanskrit. Nobody knew what she was talking about. Trump, on the other hand—you may like him, you may dislike him, but you know exactly where he’s coming from. Most people, whether they like him or not, respect the transparency. And he’s pretty much done what he said he would do.”

Smart fella, that Kennedy is. Straight up, no chaser, no mucking about, never a pulled punch, the plain and simple truth delivered with an ‘aw, shucks”  grin and a hearty chuckle—why, it’s almost as if the man doesn’t even know what “dissembling” means, nor much cares to. All of which is a BIG part of what makes him so exceptional, see.

You don’t mess with JD, nor his ol’ lady neither

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Not if you know what’s good for you, you don’t.

In case you missed it, Joe Biden’s former White House press secretary, Jen Psaki, made some vile comments about Vance’s marriage earlier this week, implying that JD is “scary” and Usha is being held hostage somehow.

I think the little Manchurian candidate, JD Vance, wants to be president more than anything else. I always wonder what’s going on in the mind of his wife. Like, are you okay? Blink four times. Come over here. We’ll save you. He’s willing to do anything to get there… he’s scarier in certain ways.

I’ve debated writing about this since it happened, but it’s so irritating that I couldn’t bring myself to give it the time of day. First of all, Psaki spent 16 months telling us that Biden was a good president, so why would anyone take anything she says seriously? Second, I’ve learned a lot about the second lady since her husband took office, and she is an incredible woman — a wonderful role model for young women and girls. By all accounts, she adores her husband, and it’s evident in every appearance they make or interview she gives. But even so, she’s an independent woman who has her own interests, thoughts, goals, and affairs. And to hear him tell it, she’s called a lot of the shots in JD’s career.

Anyway, a reporter asked the vice president, who is in Israel today, about Psaki’s statement. Vance couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all, but he also reiterated how lucky he is to have her by his side and let the world know that she can speak for herself on the matter if she wants.

I think it’s disgraceful, but, of course, the second lady can speak for herself. I’m very luck to have a wonderful wife. I know, at least I hope, that my wife feels the same about me, but we’re very lucky to have this journey. Or I should say, I’m very lucky to go on this journey with a very loving wife. We’re going to keep on serving the country together, and I’m honored to have Usha by my side…

I have little else to say about this. Vance’s laugh says it all. It’s ridiculous, and I suspect these attacks will ramp up as Democrats realize they don’t have an obvious 2028 candidate, while we have at least two, with Vance as the obvious frontrunner. Expect this kind of talk to ramp up: Vance is weird, he’s mean, he’s whatever… the reality is he’s a patriotic American, a man who’s serviced his country in the military and in public office, a husband, a father, a Godly man, a masculine man who protects his family but doesn’t overstep his role, and someone with one heck of a sense of humor. He’s overcome so many odds to get here, too. Liberal harpies are no match for the VP.

Of COURSE they’ll “ramp up” the noxious, repulsive bullshit. What else CAN they do? D卐M☭CRAT scumbuckets realize they simply can’t lay a glove on Vance no matter what or how hard they try; the guy just doesn’t rattle, he doesn’t scare, and he never, ever runs away from a fight.

One other thing The Best Darn Veep America Ever Had has got going for him: it’s entertaining as all git-out to watch him work. He floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee in dealing with the Leftard baglappers, and no mistake. JD doesn’t care what they think any more than the rest of us do, and it couldn’t be more obvious…or more terrific, if you ask me.

AWWWWW

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My heart, it bleeds for the poor dears.

Blue city ‘breaking point’: San Francisco wants Trump’s help on crime
Blue cities are cesspits of crime.

Blue politicians don’t want to do anything about it.

At least some blue-city citizens seem to disagree with this approach.

Will President Donald Trump capitalize on the split?

Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff last week called for Trump to send the National Guard to clean up San Francisco, where his company is based.

“We don’t have enough cops,” Benioff told The New York Times.

“So if they can be cops, I’m all for it.”

Democrats responded with fury.

“This is a slap in the face to San Francisco,” huffed Board of Supervisors member Matt Dorsey.

Well, maybe to its leadership, but San Franciscans themselves seem to feel a bit differently.

In June, a citywide survey found that 80% of residents support “federal help and resources to deport undocumented fentanyl dealers.”

“Even in a city renowned for its bleeding heart, there is a breaking point,” Liz Le wrote in The Voice of San Francisco — “a collective exasperation with those who weaponize our compassion to fuel a crisis.”

it is to laugh. No cops, no Guard, no soldiers, no financial assistance, no nothin’ for them…other than welkin-ringing gales of sardonic laughter from Red State Americans as they delight in the satisfying spectacle of smug, Smarterer-Than-You hard Left assclowns being forced at last to stew in their own rancid juices.

Suffer, bitches.

It’s a celebration, bitch!

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One of the funniest things I ever saw, on TeeWee or anyplace else. Most of you will probably remember it well, and any of you who have’t seen it before, trust me: you’re in for a real treat, bitches.

Good, good stuff. Tragically, Charlie Murphy is yet another stellar entertainer who left us way too soon.

Murphy was a resident of Tewksbury Township, New Jersey. He was married to Tisha Taylor Murphy from 1997 until her death from cervical cancer in December 2009. The couple had two children together, and Murphy had a child from a previous relationship. He was a karate practitioner.

Murphy died from leukemia on April 12, 2017, at age 57 in New York City, New York.

Sad, sad, sad. The Prince skit at the first of the above vid is funny as all hell, too.

“Witch”

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Uh HUH. Just keep talking, Commie baglapper.

Machado Warns Against Socialism as Maduro Cries ‘Witch’ Over Her Nobel Peace Prize
For two days, the Venezuelan government didn’t acknowledge that opposition leader María Corina Machado won the Nobel Peace Price, though it’s understandable. Illegitimate narco-terrorist president Nicolás Maduro is losing his stronghold on the nation, and Machado is largely the reason for that. On Friday, the whole world learned who she is and what she’s fighting for, which amplified the country’s desire for freedom and democracy, and especially its desire to remove the tyrant who holds it all hostage.

Best Maduro can do is pretend her team is blowing up the not-in-service U.S. embassy in Caracas and that his security forces stopped them — just like he told his country to pretend it’s Christmas or like he tells Donald Trump that he pretends to stop the flow of drugs through the Western Hemisphere.

Just like he pretends to be the nation’s president when it should be Edmundo González, the man who actually won last year’s election.

But on Sunday, during an Indigenous Resistance Day rally, he finally spoke on Machado’s win heard around the world, calling her bruja demoniaca or a “demonic witch.”

He’s another garden-variety Socialist twit, so of course any sensible person would just naturally assume he has no clue what he’s talking about. And said sensible sort would be perfectly correct about that.

Yes, yes, I know, t’is the season and all that (ie, Halloween), but fi the cutie depicted above is what this Maduro dorksnort considers a “witch,” he needs to wipe the goo off his glasses. I’m sure there are plenty of other pics out there in which she looks older, more haggard, more generally just, y’know, YIKES! But going by the pic above and ndthing else, if that’s a witch, then somewhere along the line somebody fed me a whole pack of lies about witches.

Bloody slaughter

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YeeeeOWTCH!

 

Olbermann resembles those remarks.

(Via Insty)

Update! Unrelated, and apropos of nothing whatever, but I found this over at Ken’s crib and just had to run it immediately.

Heh. I don’t care who you are, where you came from, or what you brung witcha, that is some fucking-A excellent squishy right there.

Rich

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How could any true-blue American not absolutely love the guy?

Trump threatens thugs in violence-ridden Chicago with ‘Chipocalypse Now’ post
WASHINGTON — President Trump put thugs in crime-ridden Chicago on notice Saturday, promising to send in the newly-renamed Department of War in a threatening Truth Social post.

“Chicago (is) about to find out why it’s called the Department of WAR,” the president wrote, referencing his Friday executive order renaming the Department of Defense to its original name.

The post was accompanied by an AI picture of Trump seated with fire and helicopters with the Chicago skyline in the background, dressed as the character Robert Duvall played in the movie “Apocalypse Now.”

In the words of SCOTS frontman, lead guitarist, lead vocalist, and principal songwriter Rick Miller: it’s too much pork for just one fork.

Gentlemen, start your engines. Close and latch all exterior doors and hatches, secure any loose gear, and prepare to roll tanks; this squadron is gonna make a Thunder Run right through the middle of Chicago so wild, wooly, and straight-up ragin’ it’s gonna make the fabled one in Baghdad look like two toddlers playing Pit-A-Pat by comparison.

Whuuuu….???

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Okay, this one’s just too dang weird.

After Days of Claiming Trump was Dead, Leftists Get a Nasty Shock
President Donald Trump walked out of the White House on Saturday morning along with his granddaughter Kai and got into a vehicle to head for Sterling, Virginia, for a few rounds of golf. This would have been an utterly insignificant bit of information were it not for the fact that Trump hadn’t been seen in public since his cabinet meeting on Tuesday. While he was out of sight, an increasing number of leftists began crowing gleefully that the president must be dead. Their disappointment on Saturday morning must have been overpowering, as the hatred they showed for the president and his supporters was truly shocking in its intensity. The party of compassion? Hardly. There are no more hateful people than leftists.

Overexcited leftists began claiming that Trump was mortally ill several days ago, when a photo emerged of Trump with a large bruise on his right hand, similar to one that was spotted on Queen Elizabeth’s hand just days before she died. White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt explained Monday that the bruise was the result of Trump shaking hands with multiple people every day, combined with the effects of the aspirin he regularly takes.  

This wasn’t enough, however, for the far, far-left Huffington Post, which dismissed what Leavitt said as a “grandiose explanation” and opined, without evidence, that “the discoloration on the back of his left hand would seemingly be more difficult to explain away by handshake.” The hand-bruise controversy, however, was nothing compared to the left’s hysterical joy at not seeing Trump around for a few days. 

The New York Post reported Saturday that “online rumors of President Trump’s demise were greatly exaggerated — much to the dismay of creepy leftist critics.” The rumors started swirling “on Friday, when the White House released a blank schedule with no public events for the president during Labor Day weekend.” Old Joe Biden took almost four years off while he was pretending to be president and the media kept insisting that he was sharp as a tack as long as there weren’t any cameras around to capture the moment, but Trump takes a few days off, or at least out of sight, and the left goes nuts. (Yes, indeed, they were already nuts.)

I’m going to have to amend my earlier assessment—this ain’t just weird, it’s downright bizarre.

Correct, on all counts

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Kevin Kinkead positively unloads on Springsteen and Born To Run. Not being a fan of either of those, I just about killed myself laughing at this masterpiece.

Happy 50th Anniversary to Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” One of the Worst Albums Ever Recorded
There is so much to hate about this album, it’s hard to know where to start. Thunder Road is the opener, and it begins with Bruce mumbling over over piano and harmonica for 90 seconds before someone mercifully hits a drum. Then there’s Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out, which shows some promise at times, but is really more of a soul song than a rock song. The album finally starts to display some balls with the underrated third track, Night, which at least has some tempo to it. It only lasts about three minutes though, then we’re slowing it down with Backstreets, featuring more piano wankery, but at least there’s a guitar solo at the 3:33 mark. Unfortunately it’s only 19 seconds long, but better than nothing. Then you’ve got the overrated title track, which builds but never really goes anywhere, bookending two side B filler tracks with Jungleland salvaging a D+ album grade.

The other thing is that Bruce can’t sing, which makes it tough to get into the music itself, which isn’t very good to begin with.

I think the thing that offends me in particular about Springsteen is that those of you who are 50+ got to experience the height of the 1970s music scene, when so many great bands were making so much great music. Even in 1975 alone, when Born to Run came out, Zeppelin released Physical Graffiti, Queen released A Night at the Opera, and Pink Floyd released Wish You Were Here. Aerosmith dropped Toys in the Attic and Black Sabbath was on to Sabotage. You had prime ZZ Top and Deep Purple and David Bowie and Fleetwood Mac and all of that, and your favorite artist was BRUCE? For who? For what! We millennials would have killed to be alive during that era. Imagine wasting it listening to The Boss mumble on about his friend being a good baseball player in high school. Listening to Bruce in the 1970s would have been like wasting the 90s listening to Dave Matthews Band (shout out to that one reader who has seen Dave 47 times in Camden).

If you’d like to hear more Bruce slander, I recommended our Pulitzer-winning column from a few years back, titled Someone has to Say it: Bruce Springsteen Totally Stinks.

Oh, you’d just better believe I’m a-gonna be checking that one out right away.

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