Sticks and stones

Two funnies to enliven your Saturday evening: one via Revolver, one purloined from our chum Miguel over at GFZ. I’m happy to supply my own headline for tonight’s first selection: Dumb bint opens yap, beclowns self.

To the people who think Tucker Carlson and Donald Trump are crazy but that trans people are made up, that “cancel culture” has gone too far, that “men should be men and women should women” — congratulations, you agree with Putin. You are his ideological ally.

Yeah, okay, okay, sure. I agree with Putin, whatever. I far prefer that than ever being seen in public agreeing with the intellectually-stunted likes of you and yours. About anything at all. Ever. Now go swing that cute little butt of your’n on out to the kitchren and fetch me a beer and a samwidge, whydon’tcha.

This next one I like a lot better. It dovetails kinda nicely with my previous post, I think.

david-goliath.jpg

Continue reading “Sticks and stones”

1

If he pulls a knife, you pull a gun

It needs but one foe to breed a war, not two, Master Warden, and those who have not swords can still die upon them.

Imagine if, following the disputed 2016 presidential election, the recently sworn-in President Donald Trump had sicced his Justice Department, hand-in-hand with allies in Congress and state governments throughout the country, after his Democratic political opponents who maintained that his election was the work of Russian interference.

Although the claim that Trump was a Russian asset was laughably false, and the subsequent investigation into those spurious claims damaged the federal government’s credibility in immense and perhaps irreparable ways domestically and internationally, applying criminal penalties to the promulgation of that theory would have been wrong, anti-American, and contrary to the First Amendment. In keeping with his stalwart defense of American values, President Trump made no directive to the Justice Department to pursue criminal charges against these Democrats.

Similarly, his Republican predecessor allowed Democrats to freely “challenge an election”: Democrats had previously contested the 2000 election by claiming that George W. Bush was “selected, not elected” as a result of the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision in Bush v. Gore. A smaller minority contested Bush’s reelection in 2004, alleging irregularities in Ohio and elsewhere.

Reasonable concerns deserve a good-faith examination, not prosecution and persecution. But that is not what the sitting regime has offered when examining the 2020 election and its aftermath. Joe Biden’s goal (and that of his underlings) is to harass and silence politicians, journalists, dissidents, and political donors. Unfortunately, these tactics are working.

Pace the more delicate and effete among us, fluttering their hands in front of their faces, lapsing into a swooning collapse at the hideous gaucheness of the very idea, that should NOT to come as any big surprise. Why wouldn’t these bare-knuckle, objectionable, and bruising tactics be working, prithee tell? Fighting dirty usually does, especially when the dirty fighter sallies forth with ironclad confidence that his dainty opponent is far too self-righteous and smarmy to stoop to hurling everything he’s got, no holds barred, at his enemy. The dirty fighter knows his opponent never fights to win; he “fights” only to preen and strut, his superior morality on display for all to be awed by. When shitlibs do this, our soft-Right Fauntleroys sneer at it as “virtue signaling,” and recoil in disgust from it. But it’s a distinction without a difference, really. Now we come to the juicy part.

Despite the media’s insistence that the 2020 election was anything but corrupt, the voting systems in every jurisdiction of the United States are designed to render them incapable of being thoroughly reviewed by any independent third party. The system cannot be audited and requires putting blind faith in “experts” who build and run these systems.

Time and continuing analysis of circumstantial evidence have proven initial concerns and suspicions on the election results to be correct. An upcoming documentary, “2000 Mules,” produced by Dinesh D’Souza and Catherine Engelbrecht of True the Vote, presents concrete evidence of a coordinated nationwide campaign whereby ballot harvesters were paid to deliver ballots without any identification to drop-boxes funded by billionaires who run corporations staffed with left-wing ideologues. Mail-in ballot rules were ignored and disregarded under the pretense of COVID-19, which opened the 2020 election to an enormous amount of potential fraud.

Plenty bad enough, certainly. Yet even these, as well as the numerous other examples listed here are but a small part of the story. Bayou Peter hips us to an even more egregious example, and there’s more dirt out there to be dug.

The same lying media and their leftist ideologue elites who brought you the Russia collusion hoax and the Ukraine phone call hoax, who have been wrong about everything for at least two generations, now want to demonize the majority of independents and Republican voters as potential terrorists because they believe for good reason that there was systemic voter fraud in the 2020 election. Reasonable concerns and documented witnesses deserve a good-faith investigation and examination, not politically motivated prosecution and persecution. What we have experienced since 2020 is perhaps the most diabolical cover-up in American political history.

While the “Trump Won” movement undoubtedly has been overzealous and—in its patriotic exuberance—perhaps has run with information that has been less than credible at times,

Give me three examples, please. Hell, I’ll settle for two.

history will nevertheless remember them fondly. They were the individuals brave enough to stand up against the odds, defy the ubiquitous information warfare propaganda, and withstand ostracism from friends and family for refusing to let the truth be memory-holed.

Even though the 2020 presidential election was taken from the people, the stars are aligning for American patriots to avenge what happened in the midterm elections this year and then again in 2024.

Uh huh. Because, even though The Great Election Swindle of 2020 was a smashing success, why, those gosh darn Democrats wouldn’t DARE try any such thing again! They know we’d all rise up in righteous rage and…and…and think about maybe writing a strongly-worded letter of protest to our local liberal newspaper or something!! THAT’LL show those dirty dogs!!!

All that pointless foofaraw aside, I do enjoy seeing Trump staying all up in their face the way he has. His recent lawsuit is almost certainly doomed, but I just love that he’s filed it, and I hope he keeps it up. Of all the supposed “leaders” on the Right who say they’re sick and tired of being force-fed the Libtard shit sandwich and are good and ready to BY GOD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT—right before folding like a cheap accordion the first time some rubber-room refugee in a dress publicly shouts “Transphobe! Hater! RACIST” at him—Trump’s the only guy I see out there who refuses to curl up into the usual defensive crouch, preferring instead to stay constantly on the offensive. As Grant said: he didn’t want his officers thinking about what Lee might do to them; he wanted them to concentrate exclusively on what they were going to do to Lee.

When all you’re doing is reacting to your enemy, you’re locking yourself into a position from which victory is impossible. Every military strategist knows that you have to make your adversary react to you. Trump appears to know that too; for the last five-six years, he’s put on the only political show worth watching. Trump is the only shit-talking, glove-throwing, naturally-obstreperous pug we have going for us, and you can’t help but love him for that.

2

What’s theirs is theirs. Also, what’s yours is theirs

What I’d like to know is, how did goobermint get so all-fired high and mighty that it arrogates unto itself the authority to seize your car and destroy it, without your having done a damned thing wrong?

The thought of crushing a freshly restored 1959 Corvette is heartbreaking. Then, add in that the reason for doing so centers on the condition of two very specific rivets. Luckily for Richard Martinez, Kansas lawmakers have finally come through and passed a law that frees his beloved hardtop from the clutches of the impound lot.

Say, Richard, don’t you think it’s high time you seriously considered getting yourself a safe, economical, dependable electric car, hmmm? For your family, for the climate, for The Future™?

The center of this debate has been the VIN plate on Martinez’s Corvette. He bought the car in 2016, a beloved ride that got a full restoration some years ago and as part of the repainting process had the VIN plate removed. Upon presenting it for routine state inspection, the Kansas Highway Patrol seized the Corvette. Unknown to the Martinez, the car ran afoul of a Kansas law which stated any vehicle with a “destroyed, removed, altered, or defaced” VIN plate must be crushed. That’s a harsh reality for a historic car that wasn’t party to any nefarious intent. Early on, authorities declared Martinez innocent of any wrongdoing, but the car was still being targeted for destruction.

With the car sitting in an impound lot, a push developed revise the Kansas law, largely thanks to the non-profit Kansas Justice Institute. The revision that resulted from this advocacy (House Bill 2594) aims to exempt classic vehicles undergoing repair or restoration and would additionally exempt classic car owners who didn’t know or had no reason to believe their car was involved in a crime. This is a big step forward and removes a significant bit of hesitation from owners in Kansas who feared their vehicles might get them in legal hot water when they went to register it.

A “big step forward”? If so, it’s a step away from a dark, dismal place we never should have allowed ourselves to be led into in the first place. Hats off to those Kansas lawmakers for doing the right thing in the end; a big Bronx cheer for the Kansas lawmakers for the original “We Will We Will ROB YOU!” Act from whence all the hassle sprang. Question: who does Mr Marinez see to get those lost years of angst and anxiety back?

As if mean Tweets weren’t bad enough

Another riotously funny move, from the Grand Master of ’em.

Trump Sues Hillary Clinton, DNC, James Comey, and Dozens of Others Over Russia Collusion Hoax
ormer President Donald Trump filed a bombshell lawsuit on Thursday, accusing 2016 Democrat Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, former FBI Director James Comey, former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, the Democratic National Committee, Democrat law firm Perkins Coie, Fusion GPS, and dozens of other bad actors of working to destroy his presidency with the Russia collusion conspiracy theory.

“In the run-up to the 2016 Presidential Election, Hillary Clinton and her cohorts orchestrated an unthinkable plot – one that shocks the conscience and is an affront to this nation’s democracy,” the lawsuit states. “Acting in concert, the Defendants maliciously conspired to weave a false narrative that their Republican opponent, Donald J. Trump, was colluding with a hostile foreign sovereignty.”

Other defendants in the case include former State Department official and spokesperson for Clinton, Philippe Reines, former FBI counterintelligence agent Peter Strzok, and former Clinton campaign advisor Jake Sullivan, who is currently Joe Biden’s National Security Advisor.

“President Trump is going on offense,” Trump spokeswoman Liz Harrington told Just the News Thursday. “He’s naming names, and he’s going after these liars who tried to rig the 2016 election, and when they failed with the fake Russia collusion hoax, when they failed to stop President Trump from winning the presidency, they used it to spy on him, to try to derail  his presidency and his administration.”

Harrington said that up until the 2020 election, the Russia collusion hoax was “the biggest political crime in our history.”

Boy oh boy, can’t wait until it finally makes its way into a courtroom, in about 2056 or thereabouts. The rest of the piece makes for entertaining reading, entertainment being about all the subject of it can ever hope to amount to in Amerika v2.0’s “swift and scrupulous” system of “justice.”

Wonder if Trump is fully cognizant of the unique position in US history he occupies: the victim of not one, but TWO, of the “biggest political crimes in our history,” he was. It’s a sort of left-handed badge of honor, to be persecuted and abused by such vile dung beetles as these “people.”

Like a fucking BOSS

Not a story I find particularly compelling, but Ace’s opening line makes it worth a post.

Stormy Daniels Loses Appeal; She Now Owes Trump $300,000 in Lawyers Fees
—Ace

Trump is the first man in history to present a prostitute with a bill.

Heh. Gotta love it. More, and funnier still:

Michael Avenatti pushed Stormy Daniels to bring this lawsuit for his own private interest, not hers. She was always exposed to this risk of having to pay huge lawyers’ fees — California’s defamation law has a provision that punishes those who bring lawsuits to reduce public participation in political debate, and Daniels walked right into this judgment for $300,000 by brining the suit in California.

And Avenatti told her to do that.

Not only did he steal the money she was owed for her book, but he also saddled her with $300,000 in lawyers’ fees for a suit that never should have been brought, just so he’d have something to talk about with Jake Tapper and Anderson Cooper on CNN.

Oh: Coincidentally, the amount Avenatti embezzled from her for her “book” (really just another media-subsidized political hit and undisclosed, money-laundered campaign contribution to the Democrats) was also $300,000.

Daniels says she’ll go to jail rather than “pay a penny” to Trump.

Hey, fine by me, ya dumb cooze. Your body, your choice and all that, and Trump won’t miss the money. As a career hooker, You should feel right at home in lockdown; I’m sure it won’t be your first visit.

5

What took you so long?

I expected this WAY before now, as y’all know.

I sense a disturbance in the force. In fact, I’ve been feeling the tremors for a while. Back in January, I wrote a column for American Greatness called “The Coming Dethronement of Joe Biden.” In it, I noted that Biden’s appalling performance as president would sooner or later—and probably sooner, given the ostentatious nature of his multifaceted failure—lead to his removal as president.

I should have added that it wasn’t Biden’s performance per se that would lead to his downfall. The problem, rather, was the way his performance was undermining his—and therefore his minders’ and puppetmasters’—political power. As Saul Alinsky, community organizer to the stars, noted, the “issue is never the issue.” Accordingly, the people who put Joe Biden in power—I cannot name them, but I know they are the same people who keep him in power—do not care about inflation, rising gas and food prices, COVID lockdowns or mask mandates, the porousness of our Southern border, the threat of war with Russia, or the myriad other issues that worry ordinary voters. I am quite certain, in fact, that the word “voters” brings a vaguely contemptuous smile to their faces.

They are not troubled by the suffering of the people, indeed, they approve of a certain amount of suffering. Suffering produces dependency; and dependency, in turn, is like an insurance policy for those who cater to it: the bureaucrats who fill the troughs that feed the populace. The point, of course, was never to end the dependency but to manage in such a way as to perpetuate and expand it. Joe Biden is an errand boy, a figurehead, in the metabolism of this great (not to say Great Society) act of political legerdemain.

The last several days have been full of wonder at the New York Time’s admission that, guess what, Hunter Biden’s “laptop from hell” was not—as Joe Biden claimed—“Russian disinformation.” Nope, everything that Donald Trump said to Leslie Stahl about it was true. Everything the New York Post said about it was true. Twitter and the rest of the regime media pronounced a damnatio memoriae on the Post and anyone who dared publicize the scurrilous story. The poor computer repair chap who found and publicized the dirt, political as well as sexual, on Hunter’s laptop was hounded and driven into bankruptcy. (Remember Jonah Goldberg on that poor fellow? I do. “Wait you believe the computer repair shop story? Like at face value?”)

Goldberg is but one of many who—if this were a better world and they were better people—would be scrambling madly to make a shamefaced apology to those of us upon whom the passage of time has now conferred total vindication.

Many people seem to think that the reason that the story of Hunter’s laptop—which is just as much about Joe Biden’s perfidy as it is about Hunter’s perversion—has emerged now is because it can no longer do any serious damage. The election is over, Biden won—at least, he was declared the winner, which is not quite the same thing, although it does mean that he gets to live at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

But I wonder if there isn’t something else going on. The news is full not only of stories about the New York Times fessing up, sort of, about the contents of Hunter’s laptop, but also of stories about how Hunter is likely to be indicted for tax fraud. In one sense, that is not news. I wrote about it at the end of 2020 when Hunter announced, sotto voce, that he had been informed that he was being investigated by the tax authorities. But in another sense, I suspect, that news, like the revelation from the New York Times that, what do you know, all that stuff about Hunter’s laptop was on the level, like Joe Biden’s bizarre suggestion a couple of days ago that “everybody knows somebody” who has taken nude pictures of some lover and then used them to “blackmail” the person—all that has a different valence now that the Biden Administration is seriously underwater and there are no lifelines in evidence.

The issue is never the issue. I suspect that Joe Biden is being prepped for ejection. Exactly how it will happen I do not yet know. But he is on the threshold, or possibly has even passed the threshold, where he could appear to govern. His minders understand this. They must be the ones to replace him, otherwise they themselves risk being replaced, which would be intolerable. As I say, it’s not entirely clear yet how the defenestration will take place. Obviously, Kamala will have to be dealt with first, and she will be. Look for some ground softening stories such as the Times just served up about the laptop. They won’t be long in coming. 

T’is a consummation devoutly to be wished—not because it would solve any problems, not that it would fix anything, not that it would signal any monumental Ruling Class capitulation—simply because it would be a painful, humiliating slap in the face for two grubby little mountebanks who are long past due for one.

OUCH!

Also: OOF.

GOP Sen. Mitt Romney still has his moments,

He does, does he? Name three. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

but it seems like those moments are becoming a bit less frequent lately. He still deserves an apology from Joe Biden and the Democratic Party for being right about Russia back in 2012, because he absolutely was. But over the weekend, he made a statement for which he should be the one doing the apologizing.

Yesterday, he accused former Hawaii Democratic congresswoman and military veteran Tulsi Gabbard of “parroting false Russian propaganda” and declared that “her treasonous lies may very well cost lives.”

As we pointed out in our post about it, the Russian government apparently appreciates Gabbard’s comments about U.S.-funded biolabs in Ukraine and has in fact been airing her interview on Tucker Carlson’s Fox News show on Russian state TV. But even taking that into consideration, Romney’s tweet goes way too far.
And, needless to say, Gabbard herself is quite angry about it. So this morning, she took to Twitter to take Mitt Romney to task over it…

Follows, a long and blistering Twitter thread from Gabbard that leaves Mittens a smoking ruin. Sad to say, the Threader unroller seems to have made a deal with the devil, sold for a mess of pottage and hidden behind a paywall, so I can’t do a plain-text excerpt of this glorious and richly deserved burn and assuredly ain’t about to transcribe all that myself. But it’s well worth the click-over, believe me.

I keep saying it: yeah, I know, dear Tulsi’s a Shitlibocrat, bassackwards and completely wrong about plenty and to spare. But dammit, I still like the cut of her jib. Unlike any of her fellow Demonrats, she actually does get one right now and then.

2

“‘The brand is so toxic’: Dems fear extinction in rural US”

IE, what your saner, Real American sorts would call “a good start.

The party’s brand is so toxic in the small towns 100 miles northeast of Pittsburgh that some liberals have removed bumper stickers and yard signs and refuse to acknowledge publicly their party affiliation. These Democrats are used to being outnumbered by the local Republican majority, but as their numbers continue to dwindle, those who remain are feeling increasingly isolated and unwelcome in their own communities.

Obviously, this is a wee mite hyperbolic, since if it was literally so this next guy would be pissing down his leg from fear at the mere suggestion of being quoted in an interview. Which only means that, even in its state of near-Nirvana, the good folks in northwest Pennsy still have work to do.

“The hatred for Democrats is just unbelievable,” said Tim Holohan, an accountant based in rural McKean County who recently encouraged his daughter to get rid of a pro-Joe Biden bumper sticker. “I feel like we’re on the run.”

*shiver* Okay, I gotta confess: I think I just came, just a little. But you guys know why this is happening, right? Take a wild guess. Just one.

The climate across rural Pennsylvania is symptomatic of a larger political problem threatening the Democratic Party heading into the November elections. Beyond losing votes in virtually every election since 2008, Democrats have been effectively ostracized from the overwhelmingly white parts of rural America, leaving party leaders with few options to reverse a cultural trend that is redefining the political landscape.

Yup, you got it: Racism, of course and as always.

With disadvantages like this, you can be sure that the fraud in the next major election there is gonna be absolutely epic.

19

Hold onto your hats, folks

A significant departure—SIGNIFICANT—from our usual Embed-O-Phenia music-vid fare tonight, one which I’m betting a good many if not most (if not ALL) of you guys ain’t gonna much care for. Actually, it’s hardly my usual preference in musical styles either, to be charitable about it. But I was over at a friend’s house a few years back with a cpl-three others of my usual crew of reprobates, criminals, and ne’er do wells, when my boy Travis pulled this one up on the TeeWee and we all just busted a gut laughing at it.

Oh, and apropos of not much, the guy whose house our crew was chillaxin’ at was the domicile of my friend Phillip, who is a black dude. The below vid ain’t his usual musical cup of tea either, contrary to what someone given to making assumptions about the typical relationship between our darker-complected brethren and kinda-sorta rap like this usually is. Phil is a rock and roll/surf/punk-rock drummer, against all odds, and a damned good one at that. So much for stereotypes, eh?

ANYHOO. I’m posting this as a dedication to our friends over at GFZ (I never have figured out how to ascertain who’s posted what over there for some reason; if anybody wants to clue me in, I’m all ears), on account of this recent rip re: Five-Oh, Da Man, Johnny Law, Offisah Friendly, the Po-Po.

Two things can be true at the same time:

One: Without effective policing cities will dissolve into chaos, like in San Francisco and New York City, where mass looting, violent street assaults, and quality of life crimes have rendered those cities into shitholes.

Two: This is an obscenity.  There was absolutely no reason for a cop to attack a dog like that on the dog’s home porch.  That was vicious and unnecessary, and the officer should be punished for that.

This is the sort of shit that turns me against cops.

It’s not just possible but reasonable and  moral imperative to say “the Left’s ‘defund the police’ is bullshit but this here cop needs to be tossed out like the piece of shit that he is.”

Lots of ’em do, which doesn’t in any way disprove or gainsay my oft-repeated insistence that, having known and/or been related to more than a few LEOs myself over my whole damned life, there ARE still good cops around out there. Getting harder and harder to find, maybe. In fact, strike that: CERTAINLY. The white-hat cops I’ve known are all long since retired, and almost all of them swear that there’s no way in hell they’d take the job now, so far sideways have things gone since they worked as lawdogs. According to them, we’ve come a long way from “Protect And Serve,” in precisely the wrong direction. But the good ones haven’t all walked away, although the clot-shot mandate is going to see to it that they’ll be in the minority from here on out. And not just by a little bit, either.

On to the embed, which came to mind immediately when I read the GFZ post not because of the “Kilos in my bag” verse, but for the rousing (a-HENH!) chorus; trust me, it will be more than obvious why. Like I said, brace yourselves for something way, way, WAY out of the usual line here with this one. But I guar-on-tee you I’m gonna watch a little bit of it when I go retrieve the embed code from YewToob, and will laugh like hell when I do. So there. Don’t hate me ’cause I’m beautiful.



Good while back I seem to recall reading someplace that, ironically enough, Stitches (a/k/a Phillip Nickolas Katsabanis) has a stepdad who either is or used to be a cop. Don’t know if that’s true or not, and I don’t care enough to go digging around to find out, but I deeply, deeply hope that it’s so. Because, funny as I think the above video is already, that would really put the cherry on top of the sundae for me.

Mini-Mengele done unto death

Julie Kelly tears the Malignant Dwarf a richly-deserved new one.

It’s nearly impossible to select the most maniacal comment made by Dr. Anthony Fauci in his nearly 70-minute interview with “Face the Nation” host Margaret Brennan that aired over the weekend. Joe Biden’s chief coronavirus advisor and miniature global menace spent more than an hour denying responsibility for his documented mistakes, bragging about his self-appointed role as the world’s doctor, hogging credit for the vaccines, and attacking anyone who has challenged his unrivaled ego and track record of failure.

Portraying himself as a victim rather than the cruel, megalomaniacal tyrant he is, Fauci took aim at Donald Trump, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, Senators Rand Paul (R-Ky.) and Ted Cruz (R-Texas), and Congressional co-sponsors of the “Fire Fauci Act,” which would zero-out the salary of the federal government’s highest-paid bureaucrat and audit Fauci’s correspondence and financial transactions during the pandemic.

While declaring, “I represent science,” Fauci humbly graded the scientific approach to the pandemic an “A+” while incongruently  warning about a “fifth wave” of the virus and explaining away one scientific stumble after another, from useless temperature checks to the need for bi-annual booster shots and randomly claiming the virus spread is “40 to 50 to 60 percent…asymptomatic.” 

Science!

Of all his alarming remarks, however, Fauci’s push to get experimental vaccines for babies and young children to market as quickly as possible is the most depraved. When asked by Brennan, who has spent the better part of two years asking Fauci how to run her life and the lives of 330 million Americans, when he expects vaccines for children between the age of six months and five years to be available, Fauci said he hopes the shots are ready by the beginning of next year. “I would hope it would be in the first quarter because the studies are being done right now on children from two to five and then from six months to two years,” Fauci told Brennan. “I don’t think there’s going to be an issue with efficacy. But when you’re dealing with children, it’s a very sensitive area. And that’s the reason why [it] may take a little bit longer.”

When parents question whether it’s necessary to vaccinate children, Fauci replies that, “yeah, we do want to be vaccinating the children because we want to vaccinate and protect everyone in society, including children.”

Now, that is not the conclusion of a sound man of science, as Fauci again insisted he is in the interview, or even a man of common sense and humanity—that is the raving of a madman.

Good, toothsome stuff so far, all of it. Following the above up with “demon,” “sociopath,” “sadist” and worse, though, serves notice to one and all that Our Jules, bless her savage heart, was only warming up.

In a just world, Anthony Fauci would be giving lengthy television interviews clad in an orange jumpsuit from the confines of a federal penitentiary. Aside from his crimes against humanity, especially the tragic toll on senior citizens and young people, Fauci has clearly committed a number of crimes including lying to Congress and the American people in his official capacity and misappropriating federal funds on ghoulish scientific experiments.

Disagree with the first sentence of that last ‘graph, muchly. No, in a truly just world this half-pint homunculus would be dangling by his scrawny neck from a high gibbet in some remote and lonely wood, his bulging eyes pecked at by ravens, his tangled, dripping entrails ripped loose from his flabby gut to sway gently with the midnight breeze, there to be the plaything of bobcats happily batting away at the rancid, gory goo with razor-sharp claws. Squadrons of buzzards would tear his putrefying flesh into bloody gobbets for their dining pleasure, swarms of blackflies the only crown ever to adorn this bargain-basement Messiah’s empty head—thorns being well above the station of such a lowly, miserable villein as he.

After all that, Fauxci’s unlamented corpus would, ideally, be left to hang in disgrace for a full month at minimum, speedily shrinking beyond its already laughably-diminutive stature due to the parallel ravages of carrion-beasts and the natural processes of decomposition—the noisome gases repeatedly belched forth in a cannonade of horror and shame; the fleshly shroud peeling back to commend the ghastly, undersized skeleton to the attentions of beasts inclined to gnaw and worry at such; whatever small dignity this sad, no-account wretch somehow managed to scrape up and retain over the course of a misspent existence suddenly collapsing into a vague, barely-perceptible feeling of shame—the kind that tugs weakly at a better man’s sleeve as he passes by, causing him not to slow down so as to either pay heed or offer respect for the departed, but to speed his pace, his departure made with a brief flash of mild annoyance at the useless distraction caused by one entirely unworthy of his, or anyone else’s, consideration.

Then, after the Animal Kingdom and nature’s elemental fury had all consumed their fill, the tattered, stinking remainders would be cut down and unceremoniously kicked into some unknown and unvisited crevasse or ravine, there to be reunited at long last with Mother Earth, whether She will or She nil—nobody asked what Her preference might be, I suspect—in the fullness of time to be erased from all memory of this mortal coil, all his futile works and flights if egotistical fancy gone and most definitely forgotten as well.

Now THAT, I think, is more like it. As I said the other night: why this contemptible gnome, this pluperfect Grey Man of Government, hasn’t been the recipient of some long-distance rifle-round lurvs way before now is beyond my ken. It’s baffling, is what it is, and I can see no explanation for it.

5

Courting the ban-hammer

A bit of background will be needed on this one, folks. To wit:

Way back when Twitter first got cranked up, I was persuaded by a lovely and charming lady friend from the halcyon days when we were both working at the venerable and now-defunct Cheap Jack’s vintage clothing store on Broadway near Union Square—Heather by name, now residing in northern Califruitopia a stone’s throw from Sacramento, or she was last I heard anyways—to procure myself both a Twatter and a LinkedIn account, the better for us to keep in touch with. Never once have I bothered using either of them, although naturally I still receive multiple annoying e-mails from them every single damned day—along with same-same from Imgur, which outfit to my sure and certain knowledge I have never signed up for at all.

That said, I have now been driven to Tweet my first Tweet.


Wooden tit be awesome if my very first Twat wound up getting me banned for life? I think so. More from GP.

A Massachusetts liberal activist visiting his parents in Merrimack, New Hampshire over the Thanksgiving holiday had a meltdown over a gun store’s window display that features posters criticizing Joe Biden, Dianne Feinstein and Anthony Fauci, calling the display a “call to violence.” Nothing in the display explicitly or implicitly calls for violence. Apparently however, exercising First and Second Amendment rights is seen as a call to violence by this liberal activist.

Ben Jackson, a writer and producer who works with actress Alyssa Milano on her Sorry Not Sorry podcast, posted a photo of the store, 619DW Guns & Ammo, with the statement, “This is the gun shop in my parents town. Don’t fucking tell me this isn’t a call to violence. Don’t tell me gun culture isn’t sick to its very core. #NoRA #MerrimackNH #NHPolitics”

Jackson was further triggered by Guns & Ammo’s requirement that patron not wear masks in the store, posting a photo a sign in the door that reads, “Stop & Read: We Draw Guns on Masked Visitors – Take Your Mask Off before Entering.”

This is not the first time 619DW Gun & Ammo triggered liberals over their window display. A poster of Barack Obama captioned “Firearms Salesman of the Year” drew complaints in 2013.

Sounds like my kind of gun store. In my inaugural Twat, unfortunately, I totes forgot to include the appropriate “hashtags,” which are apparently de rigeur in that little demi-monde, I guess: #ComeAndTakeThem, #AnyTimeYouFeelFroggy, #CryMeARiverShitlibs, #BulletsFirst.

And with that, I hereby announce my permanent retirement from Twatter. Thanks so much, everyone, you’ve been a wonderful audience.

2

Comment of the week month YEAR

Not so much for the content of it, per se, as for a specific turn of…well, just see for yourself.

With old poopy-pants visibly failing and not even Democrats liking Harris, I am sensing an attempt to position herself for the future. “Hey Democrats! I’m rested, I’m ready! Shits and Giggles are obviously not going to cut it for 2024, so what do you say?”

“Shits and Giggles”?!? *snort* I damned near unmoored a floating rib when I first saw that the other day, and I’m still laughing about it now. I am SOOOO stealing that one for further use around this here hogwallow, Hap. Well done, buddy, well done indeed.

3

Money shot!

Wasn’t gonna bother with this one originally, since it’s just not the sort of “news” item I give a crap about ordinarily. But then I read the New York Post’s write-up, which is so wonderful I just can’t help myself. First, you get the archetypical Post grabber-headline.

Woman fires gun at her vagina in cam show crotch shot gone horribly wrong

Heh. You begin to see what I mean right off the bat, I betcher. Right smack in the Post’s wheelhouse, a real gopher ball for those guys. But then, this IS the iconic tabloid that gave us the most famous headline in newspaper history, after all. On to the, umm, juicy bits.

Georgia webcam model Lauren Hunter Daman, 27, redefined “crotch shot” after discharging a firearm into her vagina during an alleged sex stunt gone awry.

“The female had shot herself in the vagina accidentally,” paramedic Brittany Rivers reportedly told responding police officers of the incident, which reportedly occurred on the morning of Nov. 9 at a residence in Thomaston, per a report by the Upson County Sheriff, the Smoking Gun reported.

Later interviews with witnesses revealed that the sex pistol-turned-gunshot victim was apparently alone in her bedroom when the weapon — a 9mm handgun — went off.

Officers were first alerted to firearm fiasco after receiving an “accidental gunshot wound” call from the residence, according to the police report. Upon arriving at the scene, a sheriff’s deputy encountered EMS Rivers, who was holding the unloaded handgun and a spent bullet casing in her hands.

She told the officer that Daman had blasted herself in the netherregions.

Police then conducted interviews with Daman’s three housemates, two of whom were present during the accident, to try and shed light on the alleged boudoir backfire.

Jordan Allen, the reported owner of the firearm, told officers that he was “in the kitchen walking back to the bedroom when he heard the gun go off.” Upon reaching the bedroom, Allen discovered Daman with “a small amount of blood” on her leg, at which point she reportedly informed him “that she shot herself accidentally” and apologized.

Meanwhile, a second witness named Cody Starnes told deputies that his mother Addie Ruth Johnson came into his bedroom and reported that “Daman had been shot.”

Allen revealed to officers how her inadvertent vagino-blasty allegedly transpired.

“Boudoir backfire”? “Inadvertent vagino-blasty”? COME ON, MAN!!! Pure, classic Post-age right there, and no mistake about it.

Now, like most of you miscreants and ne’er do wells out there in CF Land, I wouldn’t give a greasy Biden-shart if every last “newspaper” in America went under and ceased all publishing operations by mid-morning tomorrow—excepting the New York Post. Them, and only them, I would truly hate to see close up shop, and would mourn deeply if they did. The loss of such a wonderful news outlet would be a grievous one indeed, a bona fide catastrophe not just for NYC but for the entire nation. Long may those rascals wave, I say! America needs the Post, now more than ever before.

Fire In The Hole update! Pics of Miss Smokin’ Snatch—the Vented Slotte Girl, Kid Kordite Krotch herself—over at the Daily Mail. I have to admit, she’s rather cute in most of ’em, in that gormless-yet-worldly, slutty-naif way you often come across in the better, more upscale trailer parks. Way more so than I expected she would be, anyhoo.

3

One for Big Country

I’m QUITE sure he knows about this deal already, but just in case it got by him somehow.

EXOTHERMIC TECHNOLOGIES PULSEFIRE LRT FLAMETHROWER, OD GREEN – PF-LRT
$799.99 $599.99

FEATURES:
The patent-pending Pulsefire is the ultimate compact, lightweight, fully handheld flamethrower that sends a blast of fire 25 feet away with the press of a button. Fill it like any other outdoor tool. With the system off, unscrew the cap and pour in gasoline or a gas/diesel mixture. When the battery gets low, take it out and charge it or swap in a spare to keep bringing the heat. The Exothermic Technologies Pulsefire is the safest and most effective way to apply fire at a distance. Includes everything you need to get up and running, besides fuel!

Is there a reason I immediately thought of BCE when I saw Bill’s mention, you ask? Why, yes. Yes, there is. Tried to embed the blasted vidya but it didn’t seem to be an option, so you’ll just have to motor on down to the end of the post to see it. Trust me, the maniacal laughter alone is well worth the wear and tear on your scrolling finger.

2

Happy Thanksgiving

Hope all you CFers enjoyed the many blessings of this most uniquely American holiday to the very fullest. For those of you out there cursed with a foul, bitter Leftist at your family’s table every year—contra the all-too-familiar avalanche of “How To Scold Your Loathsome, Racist, Homophobic, Non-Woke Relatives During Thanksgiving Dinner” articles shat forth by the MFM every year, there are quite a few who aren’t so afflicted, the fortiunate sods—may your circle’s gathering have been happy and fulfilling enough to intensify said Lefty ghoul’s self-inflicted wretchedness and misery by orders of magnitude, leaving him with a tale of familial horror, suffering, and despair none of the other insufferable ingrates in the dorm or residence hall could ever hope to top.

7

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CF Glossary

ProPol: Professional Politician

Vichy GOPe: Putative "Republicans" who talk a great game but never can seem to find a hill they consider worth dying on; Quislings, Petains, Benedicts, backstabbers, fake phony frauds

Fake Phony Fraud(s), S'faccim: two excellent descriptors coined by the late great WABC host Bob Grant which are interchangeable, both meaning as they do pretty much the same thing

Mordor On The Potomac: Washington, DC

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Burn, Loot, Murder: what the misleading acronym BLM really stands for

pAntiFa: an alternative spelling of "fascist scum"

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