From bad to worse
Stephen Green shares some deeply disturbing news.
I Could Live With the Egg Shortage, but NOT THIS… NOT THIS
We can argue all day and all night over whether the massive poultry cull was necessary or not, but two things are 100% certain. The first is that fewer birds producing fewer eggs gave us yet another massive spike in the price of eggs, typically an affordable and easy-to-prepare protein depended upon by jillions of people. The second is that I just learned of something worse.Actually, let’s talk about that bird cull for just a moment. I did a little research on that a couple of weeks ago, thinking I might get a column out of it. I gave up on the column because half the reports I read indicated that the bird flu test is subject to false positives and that massive numbers of egg hens were unnecessarily slaughtered. The other half indicated no such problem. So I threw up my hands and abandoned the column.
But on reflection, since the cull was an act of the Biden administration, and since everything it did was either wrongheaded, spiteful, or both, I’m going to ignore half my research and just tell you that it was the wrong call. “I was going to buy eggs, but then escrow fell through” is the fault of the Biden administration, and it didn’t have to be that way.
I feel better now. But we’re both about to feel worse — if, like me, you have a minimum two-cup-a-day coffee habit.
As consumers, we’ve been lucky so far. Coffee, I learned today, is the second-most traded commodity after oil. If you want to know what the planet really runs on, it’s two very different kinds of black liquid, both packed full of energy. What it means for coffee drinkers is that the source and price of the cup you’re sipping right now were locked in months ago, maybe longer. What it also means is that as those futures expire and traders lock the new ones in, higher prices get locked in, too. Maybe much higher. Maybe double.
It’s already happening.
As Stephen goes on to detail, it is indeed—and for some of us, that’s terrifying. Personally, I share our old friend Steve’s view on the matter: eggs I can live without, coffee…ehh, not so much. I never have much enjoyed eggs unless they were scrambled, covered in shredded cheddar, and doused liberally with Tabasco, usually sharing a platter alongside a double order of hash browns scattered, smothered, covered, peppered, and diced at Waffle House during one of those bleary-eyed noontime “breakfast” stops as the band was heading out for the next town.
Denny’s, you ask? Don’t make me laugh.
Ever since eggs went from Source Of All Bad Things Including But Not Limited To Heart Attacks, Climate Change, and Raycissismism to Nature’s Perfect Food practically overnight, I’ve taken to hard-boiling the yucky things (NO runny yolks, not EVER), slicing them in half, and then sprinkling each half with Tony Chachere’s Creole seasoning before sending them down the hatch, one per day strictly to keep the doctor away. Go messing around with my beloved Luzianne w/ chicory, though, and me and you gon’ FIGHT.