Flotsam and/or Jetsam

A notable exception

Posted on June 17, 2024June 17, 2024 by Mike

To the society-wrecking Didn’t Earn It rule.

The Pursuit of Excellence
Amazon’s Blue Angels reminds us that there are still places where excellence is the rule, rather than the exception.

These days, it’s very easy to become disillusioned as an American citizen. Spend any time at all watching what passes for “the news” and it quickly becomes clear that this country is facing an acute crisis of competency. We have Federal Court Justice nominees willing to admit in televised hearings, without shame, that they don’t know the most basic facts about what is in the United States Constitution. We have senior Government officials who can’t keep the ports open or the borders closed. And we are a country where the survival of storied American companies is in jeopardy because they can’t manage to bolt a door onto an airplane properly, successfully market beer, the easiest-to-sell product humans have ever created, or make movies that people actually want to see.

Which is why I think it’s important for every American to watch the new JJ Abrams-produced Amazon documentary THE BLUE ANGELS. It is a fine reminder that there are still institutions in this Nation where the bare minimum standard is excellence, and where perfection is pursued relentlessly, even though it may be an unattainable goal.

There are 141 men and women in the Blue Angels unit, but only 6 of them fly the iconic blue and yellow F-18s. The rest are support staff…everything from the Doctor to the Crew Chiefs who make sure the jets are ready and safe to fly, to the mechanics and the supply officers who load the unit’s gear onto the C-130 Hercules nicknamed “Fat Albert.” These latter are not the stars of the show, but you wouldn’t know it to watch them work. The pride of being part of an elite unit where success depends on everyone…everyone…pursuing excellence in everything they do is evident in the smiles on their faces, the exuberant high-fives and the choreographed celebrations that come with the completion of even the smallest tasks.

Watch the men and women in the unit as they say goodbye to one another at the end of a successful season and you’ll see what being a part of an institution where excellence is the minimum acceptable standard does to the human spirit. Everyone, from the “Boss” to the most junior supply officer seems to radiate joy.

In The Blue Angels, we see a world where corrosive concepts like Diversity Equity and Inclusion (DEI) have not been able to gain a foothold, because they are unnecessary. Institutions like The Blue Angels, where the only thing that stands between the pilots and death is everyone on the team performing at the absolute top of their game, don’t need DEI because when you take only the very best, you wind up with a team that “looks like America.” Because that’s what America is and that’s who Americans are.

DEI would destroy the Blue Angels because it creates distrust, that is its very nature. And as the Blue Angels’ Commander points out during a segment on crew selection, when you’re flying a cluster of fighter aircraft at near supersonic speeds only twelve inches apart, no one cares about gender or skin color…they only care about two things…“are you the best?” and “can I trust you?”

As you look at the Blue Angels crew you quickly notice that men and women of color are, if anything, over-represented relative to their raw population numbers. It’s tempting to conclude that this is what happens to “marginalized” populations when you raise standards and expectations, rather than lower them. To take it a step further, it may be that within this small microcosm of military readiness are the solutions to many of the worst problems currently plauging our culture.

“Tempting to conclude etc,” is it? That’s a whale of a dodge, seems to me, and a damned dangerous one too; it’s as obvious as it is inescapable, more like, a hard-nosed reality that shitlib imbeciles have spent many years laboring to ignore, denigrate, and supplant in favor of the very PC gibberish that has been the ruination of this once-great nation.

My dear departed Naval-aviator cousin Reggie, who used to post here back in the day as Cuz Regbo, traveled with the Blues for several months trying to decide whether to accept their offer to join. Eventually he declined, opting instead for a stint at the Naval War College. Not that Reg didn’t have tremendous respect for the Blue Angels team, of course; he did. He just felt that the War College would be a better move strictly in terms of career advancement. As I told him then, just being invited to try out at all for the Blues was an achievement of the highest imaginable order.

Reggie’s choice to put career advancement over the powerfully alluring pleasures of one more year of cutting-edge jet-jockeying would soon prove to be the right one, as fate would have it. He was already closing in on the age-out point of his fighter-flying days anyway, he knew. Meanwhile, his Master’s-level course of instruction in

How to drink continuously at parties, for hours, without losing your composure, your politesse, your above-the-fray dignity and suavete, and your basic power of coherent speech
How to schmooze courteously with contemptible, toadying, diplo-dink rumpswabs to whom you ordinarily wouldn’t lower yourself to even speak
Which fancy-schmancy fork goes on which side of the fancy-schmancy plate, and why you absolutely MUST pretend it matters
The proper care, arranging, and wearing of the US Navy Formal Dress Uniform (Officer, Male), as specified by the CNO
Sundry other arcane intricacies of life as a fully-functioning US Embassy überweenie

led to plum appointments first as Assistant Naval Attaché to France, then as Naval Attaché to Argentina—where poor Regbo wound up dying much too young of a massive heart attack whilst driving in to work at the Embassy there—heart attacks long having been the bane of all Carpenters and Painters, tragically enough. His immediate family still misses that boy terribly, as do his colleagues, as do I myself.

Anyhoo, as Stephen notes, “Demand excellence and you’ll get it.” True, dat. As is my corollary: settle for less, and you…won’t. The past few years have provided proof aplenty of that proposition—all anybody ought to need and then some, I should think.

Update! What the hey, here’s a pic of me and Regbo in happier days, at an airshow he flew a demo in.

Got no idea why we picked that particular F18 to pose in front of, it ain’t Reggie’s plane—the one with Regbo’s handle stenciled under the canopy was parked up nearby, if I remember right. Guess we were just too damned lazy to shag our tired asses over there for the photo. The cap I have on was a gift from Reg which I still wear all the time to this very day, featuring the logo and artwork of the squadron Reg commanded: Strike Fighter Squadron VFA83, the Rampagers. You oughta see that poor, battered old Rampager hat today, I’ve wore that thing slap out.

A rowdy, a rakehell, a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky rapscallion his entire life long, that was CAPT Reggie P Carpenter. Still can hardly believe he’s gone, bless his soul.

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Happy Jumeteemf, yo!

Posted on June 17, 2024 by Mike

Arthur observes our newest made-up Nee-grow “holiday,” celebrated in accordance with the ancient traditions.

Like The Sun Rising In The East
It (is) the weekend before Juneteenth, a celebration of White people letting slaves go free and then watching the descendants of those freed slaves royally fuck up the country White people built. Since the inception of Juneteenth as a new Federal holiday in an attempt to placate blacks so they would stop burning down cities, there have been plenty of mass shootings accompanying the “holiday”. We have already had our first of 2024…

So, the big “pawdy” went exactly as one would expect, then.

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A meme out of place and time

Posted on June 16, 2024June 16, 2024 by Mike

At first I planned to hang onto this one for use in the regularly-scheduled meme post either here or over at the Eyrie, but decided it was just too damned funny to resist giving it its own spot tonight.

See, I just KNEW them darn ((((Jooz!!!)))) had to be good for something.

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God bless ’em, every one

Posted on June 16, 2024June 16, 2024 by Mike

Taking matters into their own hands at the ol’ ball game.

pic.twitter.com/a7axAjq89R

— ONT WTF (@OntWtf)

June 14, 2024

What a beautiful moment, when those players scampered back out of the home-side dugout (I’m assuming; that’s the usual arrangement, but not necessarily everywhere) to line up along the first base-line again. One has to wonder, though, what the hell the visiting team was waiting for.

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Somehow, I do NOT feel reassured

Posted on June 16, 2024June 16, 2024 by Mike

I don’t care so much about this story per se, interesting though it surely is. I only intend to use it as a springboard for making another point entirely, for which a clue is provided in my bolded bit.

Earth’s Core Seems to Be Wrapped in an Ancient, Unexpected Structure
The most high-resolution map yet of the underlying geology beneath Earth’s Southern Hemisphere revealed something we previously never knew about: an ancient ocean floor that may wrap around the core.

This thin but dense layer exists around 2,900 kilometers (1,800 miles) below the surface, according to a study published in 2023. That depth is where the molten, metallic outer core meets the rocky mantle above it. This is the core-mantle boundary (CMB).

“Seismic investigations, such as ours, provide the highest resolution imaging of the interior structure of our planet, and we are finding that this structure is vastly more complicated than once thought,” said geologist Samantha Hansen from the University of Alabama when the findings were announced.

Understanding exactly what’s beneath our feet – in as much detail as possible – is vital for studying everything from volcanic eruptions to the variations in Earth’s magnetic field, which protects us from the solar radiation in space.

Guess we should feel pretty lucky that we already know everything there is to know about the Earth’s climate, then; good thing for us all that there’s nothing left to learn about that. Right, guys?

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“Jew York” no more

Posted on June 13, 2024June 13, 2024 by Mike

Things are hotting up for ((((DemJooJooJooJOOOOOZ!!!)))) in what for many years was a safe haven for them.

Protesters are harassing Jews every day in NYC, when will pols protect them?

A more apposite question would be: “When in the actual FUCK will liberal Jews wake up and revise their stuck-in-the-mud thinking?”

How much more are Jews in New York City expected to take?

Earlier this week, a protest in front of the Nova Music Festival Exhibition on Wall Street, which commemorates those slaughtered at a music festival in Israel during the October 7 attacks, waved Hezbollah and Hamas flags and a “Long live October 7th” banner, lit flares and chanted “long live the intifada.”

On Tuesday, a mob took over a New York City subway car and chanted, in a call and repeat fashion, “Raise your hands if you’re a Zionist. This is your chance to get out.”

Two nights ago, the homes of Brooklyn Museum’s director Anne Pasternak and several of the museum’s Jewish board members, were defaced with fake blood and a sign that accused Pasternak of being a “White-Supremacist Zionist.”

I’ve been writing in these pages about the growing antisemitism in New York for years.

But this is the worst it has ever been. It’s no longer random attacks, that could be blamed on the mentally unwell.

The last few years have exposed something else.

Now it’s hard not to notice that the worst eruptions, the vilest hate, is happening in New York specifically.

The mob is masked to conceal their identity and able to be violent then disappear into crowds.

It’s worth noting that when the regular attacks on Jews were happening during de Blasio’s terms, with hundreds of attacks caught on video, only one perpetrator ever served a day in prison.

Jews are getting the message that no one will protect them and they’re largely not allowed to protect themselves.

At the Nova exhibit, Mayor Adams told influencer Lizzy Savetsky “We have the largest Jewish population outside of Israel right here in New York. This is not going to be a city where you’ll have to take off your yarmulke, be afraid to walk inside a synagogue,” but then added “or church or mosque” as if anyone is afraid to walk into those.

He seemed to want to cut off the obvious criticism that Jews have largely been left exposed in his city saying “A minority of those who want us to live in fear, who want us to say ‘police departments you’re not doing enough,’ who want us to turn on our allies, we can’t turn on each other.”

As long as NYC Jewry keeps stubbornly clinging to their outmoded Left/“liberal” political identity, they can expect things to go right on getting worse for them in the Big Rotten Apple. Same-same for the “how much more are Jews in New York City expected to take” query. If they stick with the pattern they have for decades, they can expect to take plenty and to spare of it; as things now stand, the D卐M☭CRAT Party which has turned viciously on Dem Joooz takes the purblind fools entirely for granted. As well it might; second only to the hapless Nee-grows they’ve done so much to destroy utterly, American Jews remain one of the D卐M☭CRAT Party’s verymost dependable voting blocks.

Alternatively, NYC Jews can carry on doing the same thing, expecting a different result. If I remember right, one of their kinsmen is purported to have had a little something to say about that sort of thing.

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Moar James Doohan!

Posted on June 13, 2024June 13, 2024 by Mike

Just out of curiosity, I went poking around for more deets on Scotty’s D-Day heroism, and it really is quite a story indeed.

Remembering D-Day Hero James Doohan.
This Memorial Day we’re looking back at Doohan’s service during that fateful landing in the Second World War

Memorial Day is a most appropriate time to think about the sacrifices made on D-Day, the fateful evening in 1944 that the Allied troops stormed the beaches of Normandy, France, to battle Hitler’s Nazi forces and liberate mainland Europe. One of those soldiers, on his very first combat assignment, was a young Canadian named James Doohan, who later when on to great fame as Montgomery “Scotty” Scott on Star Trek: The Original Series. That bit of trivia — and the story that goes along with it — may be old news to longtime fans, but to the Star Trek newcomers out there, it’s a tale that’s well worth repeating.

“The sea was rough,” Doohan recalled of his landing on Juno Beach that day, an anecdote included in his obituary, which the Associated Press ran on June 20, 2005. “We were more afraid of drowning than [we were of] the Germans.”

The Canadians crossed a minefield laid for tanks; the soldiers weren’t heavy enough to detonate the bombs, the AP story continued. At 11:30 that night, Doohan — a pilot and captain in the Royal Candian Artillery Regiment — was machine-gunned, taking six hits. One bullet blew off his middle right finger, four struck his leg and one hit him in the chest. A silver cigarette case stopped the bullet to the chest.

Throughout his acting career Doohan took measures to hide the missing finger, but it was occasionally visible to the camera, including in certain shots from Star Trek. He made no effort, however, to hide the missing finger during his decades of autograph signings and convention appearances.

In comments here, Aesop remembers:

I went to school with Scotty’s kids.

When Doohan showed up for our sports banquet, I noticed he was missing most of his left ring finger.

His sons thought it was from a childhood sledding accident.

I don’t think dad had shared the full truth with them.

Likely not, as tends to be the way with truly brave men. In a screen grab from one of the most popular ST-TNG eps, Scotty’s injury is clearly visible:

From that pic, it appears as if not only the middle finger but the ring finger also might have been involved—although the rest of the ring finger could be obscured by the excessive fluff of the darn troublesome Tribble. Whatever the case may be, a most humble tip of the CF chapeau to the honorable and admirable LT James M Doohan, a bona fide hero who—like all heroes—actually did instead of just talked.

Yet MOAR update! Turns out, Mr Scott’s maiming resulted from another of those all-too-common “friendly fire” incidents.

Around 11 PM that night, a jumpy Canadian sentry fired at Doohan as the lieutenant was walking back to his post. He was hit by six bullets: four times in the left knee, once in the chest, and once in the right hand.

Doohan recovered from his wounds and joined up with the Royal Canadian Artillery, where he was taught how to fly a Taylorcraft Auster Mark IV plane. He was later dubbed the “craziest pilot in the Canadian air force” after flying between two telephone poles in 1945 just to prove that he could.

Yep, that definitely sounds like the Montgomery Scott we all know and love. The tale of how Doohan came to involve himself in show biz in the first place is a mighty good ‘un as well.

At some point between Christmas 1945 and New Year’s 1946, though, Doohan turned on the radio and listened to “the worst drama I had ever heard,” which prompted him to head down to the local radio station on a whim and do a recording on his own.

The radio operator was impressed enough to recommend Doohan enroll at a Toronto drama school, where he eventually won a two-year scholarship to the esteemed Neighborhood Playhouse in New York.

He returned to Toronto in 1953 and performed in dozens of roles on radio, stage, and television, including some bit parts in famous American series such as Bonanza, Twilight Zone, and Bewitched. Then in 1966, he auditioned for a new NBC science fiction series that would change his life — and the life of sci-fi fans — forever.

The part Doohan auditioned for was one of an engineer aboard a futuristic spaceship. Since he had mastered dozens of different accents and voices from his years of radio work, the producers had him try out a few and asked which he liked best.

“I believed the Scot voice was the most commanding. So I told them, ‘If this character is going to be an engineer, you’d better make him a Scotsman.’” The producers were thrilled with the character who was “99% James Doohan and 1% accent” and the Canadian joined William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy in the cast of Star Trek, the show that would forever cement them in pop culture history.

Indubitably so. Rest ye well, James Doohan. We shan’t see your like again.

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The most well-named website EVAR

Posted on June 8, 2024June 8, 2024 by Mike

Hoo, BOY, talk about yer Intarwebz rabbit holes! This one got me, and I mean but GOOD. First, it was this:

12 Stimulating Facts About Coffee
10 _{of 12} The First Webcam Was Invented For a Coffee Pot

We can credit coffee-craving inventors for creating the first webcam. In the early 1990s, computer scientists working at the University of Cambridge grew tired of trekking to the office kitchen for a cup of joe only to find the carafe in need of a refill. The solution? They devised a makeshift digital monitor — a camera that uploaded three pictures per minute of the coffee maker to a shared computer network — to guarantee a fresh pot of coffee was waiting the moment their mugs emptied. By November 1993, the in-house camera footage made its internet debut, and viewers from around the globe tuned in to watch the grainy, real-time recording. The world’s first webcam generated so much excitement that computer enthusiasts even traveled to the U.K. lab to see the setup in real life. In 2003, the coffee pot sold at auction for nearly $5,000.

Next, I scrolled on down to…

6 Colossal Facts About the Hoover Dam
2 _{of 6} Building the Dam Meant First Building an Entire City

Constructing a large-scale dam meant hiring a massive workforce: By the end of the project, the employee roster swelled to 21,000 people. An average day had 3,500 workers reporting to the construction site, though that number rose during busy periods, like in June 1934, when as many as 5,218 men reported to the jobsite per day. Bringing in that many workers (and their families) meant the federal government had to have a plan — which is how the town of Boulder City, Nevada, came to exist.

In December 1928, President Calvin Coolidge authorized the creation of Boulder City on federal land specifically to house workers. Construction of the town’s buildings began in 1931. Families were housed in cottages, while single men slept in dormitories, and meals were provided in a jumbo-sized mess hall that served 6,000 meals per day. Boulder City was also equipped with a state-of-the-art hospital to handle jobsite accidents, a fire department, a train station, and a movie theater.

After that, there was this.

15 Geography Facts You’ve Always Wondered About
13 _{of 15} Where Does One Ocean End and Another Begin?

Despite being divided into sub-oceans, there is only one ocean in the world, which scientists refer to as the “world ocean.” Historically, cartographers and government officials found it helpful to divide the massive ocean into smaller entities, which is how the Atlantic, Pacific, Arctic, and Indian Oceans were named. More recently, the ocean surrounding Antarctica, dubbed the Southern Ocean, has been added to the list. Despite being located in different regions, there is actually no way to tell when one ocean ends and the other begins — because the ocean is a singular continuous body of water. However, there is one exception to this rule. The Southern Ocean is radically different from the rest, with a strong current that surrounds it and notably frigid water, making it easier to recognize where this sub-ocean begins.

Cool, no? And STILL, I’m only halfway down the page. I warn you, folks: do NOT click on the link above unless you have nothing whatever to do, and all day to do it in.

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Rat Rods!!!

Posted on June 1, 2024June 1, 2024 by Mike

Via WeirdDave, this may not be the entire reason why Twitter video exists, but it’s for damn sure and certain one of the best.

pic.twitter.com/HZEcoLVn8w

— ONT WTF (@OntWtf)

May 31, 2024

In case you’re unsure of exactly what you’re seeing here, what it is is real science, by and for real people (and, well, rats), not government-owned eggheads in labs coats afflicted by a grossly over-inflated sense of their own importance. I’ve watched this four times already, and I know I ain’t done watching it yet—probably never will be, in all honesty. This guy’s dad is a pure-tee genius. I just can’t stop laughing.

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Talk about menaces…

Posted on May 26, 2024May 26, 2024 by Mike

So late last night curiosity got the better of this cat, prodding me into digging around for more on the vintage besoboru retaliation vid embedded here the other day, and Lord-a-MIGHTY, but this Lenny Randle fella was some piece of work. First off, a look at what the rulebook has to say.

Retro Interference – Batter-Runner Randle Tackles Pitcher
In May 1974, Rangers second baseman Lenny Randle bunted down the first-base line and then veered into fair territory to tackle Indians pitcher Bob Johnson, who had thrown behind Randle one pitch earlier. HP Umpire Dave Phillips ruled the batter-runner out despite Johnson never having actually tagged him, sparking a benches-clearing brawl leading to our latest Ask the UEFL question: What’s the right call here?

Despite articles discussing the base path or runner’s lane, the answer is fairly simple: Randle was declared out for interfering with a fielder entitled to field a batted ball. Naturally, HP Umpire Phillips or 1B Umpire Bill Deegan could have similarly ejected Randle for unsportsmanlike conduct as a result of the flagrant and intentional collision.

Two rules cover this. Official Baseball Rule 5.09(b)(3) states that a runner (including the batter-runner) is out when said runner “intentionally interferes with a thrown ball; or hinders a fielder attempting to make a play on a batted ball,” while OBR 6.01(a)(10) confirms that it is interference when a runner “fails to avoid a fielder who is attempting to field a batted ball, or intentionally interferes with a thrown ball.”

SIDEBAR: If two fielders attempt to field the same batted ball, only one of them is entitled to protection from interference (this is not the case here as only the pitcher is fielding the batted ball).

There exist other rules pertaining to interference with a fielder who has already caught a ball and for the purpose of these rules, the pitcher is considered to be in the act of fielding at the moment of interference, even though the ball is already in his possession.

For the record, this is not runner’s lane interference (OBR 5.09(a)(11)), which is a call of interference with the fielder taking the throw at first base; thus, RLI requires a throw to be made. No throw = no possibility of runner’s lane interference. Similarly, this is not an out-of-the-base-path call, since out of the base path is defined as running more than three feet away from the direct line between the runner and the base which the runner is attempting to achieve in order to avoid being tagged. Because Randle ran directly to the pitcher (the only player who could have tagged him), who had yet to make a tag attempt, he was not out of his base path.

Okay, now that we got the legal niceties of the actual at-bat all sorted out, what about Randle himself? Might he have been temperamentally inclined to overreacting over what was really a pretty ordinary, run of the mill brush-back pitch? Hmmm, could be, could be.

The pitcher fields it clean, tries to make the tag and that is exactly what Randle wanted. As the pitcher comes up with the ball, Randle lays a hit on him that John Randle would be proud of. I mean he laid him out. I love how Randle just takes off for first acting like he didn’t do anything wrong, luckily the first baseball decided to show off his form tackling as well. First baseman wraps him up and drives him into the ground. It’s an all out brawl from there wit some good punches landed.

Most of the times baseball fights are just pushing and shoving and yelling, not here. Everyone was trying to get a piece of someone else, quite an impressive fight if you ask me.

Fun Fact- I googled this guy Lenny Randle, turns out he also punched one of his managers in the face three times. Sensing a theme here….

A-yup. And then there’s this:

During spring training in 1977, first round draft choice Bump Wills earned the starting second base job over Randle. On March 28, the Rangers were in Orlando for an exhibition game with the Minnesota Twins. During batting practice an hour before the first pitch, Randle approached Rangers manager Frank Lucchesi. Randle claimed that Lucchesi called him a “punk”, which Lucchesi denies. Randle punched Lucchesi in the face three times before the altercation was stopped by bystanders.

Lucchesi was hospitalized for a week, needing plastic surgery to repair his fractured cheekbone which Randle had broken in three places.[6] He also received bruises to his kidney and back. The Rangers suspended Randle for 30 days without pay and fined him $10,000. On April 26, before the suspension was complete, Texas traded him to the New York Mets for cash and a player to be named later; Texas later received Rick Auerbach.

Randle was charged with assault, and pleaded no contest to battery charges in a Florida court, receiving a $1,050 fine. The Rangers fired Lucchesi on June 21. Lucchesi sued Randle for $200,000. They settled for $20,000.

Uhh, yeah, from all appearances this guy was hot as a two-dollar pistol, safe to say. This next Randle item I thought was pretty funny.

With the Kansas City Royals visiting the Kingdome on May 27, 1981, Royals center fielder Amos Otis hit a slow roller down the third base line in the sixth inning. Randle got on his hands and knees and blew the ball over the foul line; the umpires disallowed his action, and ruled it fair. Afterwards, Randle said that there was a “no-blow rule” implemented. He jokingly said, “They won the game, we won the protest.”

Heh. Well, give the guy points for creativity, anyhow.

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The Bicycle Menace

Posted on May 26, 2024May 26, 2024 by Mike

An oldie but goldie from the late, lamented PJ O’Rourke, via Ed Driscoll.

A Cool and Logical Analysis of the Bicycle Menace
And an Examination of the Actions Necessary to License, Regulate, or Abolish Entirely This Dreadful Peril on our Roads

Our nation is afflicted with a plague of bicycles. Everywhere the public right-of-way is glutted with whirring, unbalanced contraptions of rubber, wire, and cheap steel pipe. Riders of these flimsy appliances pay no heed to stop signs or red lights. They dart from between parked cars, dash along double yellow lines, and whiz through crosswalks right over the toes of law-abiding citizens like me.

In the cities, every lamppost, tree, and street sign is disfigured by a bicycle slathered in chains and locks. And elevators must be shared with the cycling faddist so attached to his “moron’s bath-chair” that he has to take it with him everywhere he goes.

In the country, one cannot drive around a curve or over the crest of a hill without encountering a gaggle of huffing bicyclers spread across the road in suicidal phalanx.

Even the wilderness is not safe from infestation, as there is now such a thing as an off-road bicycle and a horrible sport called “bicycle-cross.”

The ungainly geometry and primitive mechanicals of the bicycle are an offense to the eye. The grimy and perspiring riders of the bicycle are an offense to the nose. And the very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

PRINCIPAL ARGUMENTS WHICH MAY BE MARSHALED AGAINST BICYCLES

1. Bicycles are childish
Bicycles have their proper place, and that place is under small boys delivering evening papers. Insofar as children are too short to see over the dashboards of cars and too small to keep motorcycles upright at intersections, bicycles are suitable vehicles for them. But what are we to make of an adult in a suit and tie pedaling his way to work? Are we to assume he still delivers newspapers for a living? If not, do we want a doctor, lawyer, or business executive who plays with toys? St. Paul, in his First Epistle to the Corinthians, 13:11, said, “When I became a man, I put away childish things.” He did not say, “When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan.”

Considering the image projected, bicycling commuters might as well propel themselves to the office with one knee in a red Radio Flyer wagon.

2. Bicycles are undignified
A certain childishness is, no doubt, excusable. But going about in public with one’s head between one’s knees and one’s rump protruding in the air is nobody’s idea of acceptable behavior.

It is impossible for an adult to sit on a bicycle without looking the fool. There is a type of woman, in particular, who should never assume the bicycling posture. This is the woman of ample proportions. Standing on her own feet she is a figure to admire-classical in her beauty and a symbol, throughout history, of sensuality, maternal virtue, and plenty. Mounted on a bicycle, she is a laughingstock.

In a world where loss of human dignity is such a grave and all-pervading issue, what can we say about people who voluntarily relinquish all of theirs and go around looking at best like Quixote on Rosinante and more often like something in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade? Can such people be trusted? Is a person with so little self-respect likely to have any respect for you?

3. Bicycles are unsafe
Bicycles are top-heavy, have poor brakes, and provide no protection to their riders. Bicycles are also made up of many hard and sharp components which, in collision, can do grave damage to people and the paint finish on automobiles. Bicycles are dangerous things.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong, per se, with dangerous things. Speedboats, racecars, fine shotguns, whiskey, and love are all very dangerous. Bicycles, however, are dangerous without being any fun. You can’t shoot pheasants with a bicycle or water-ski behind it or go 150 miles an hour or even mix it with soda and ice. And the idea of getting romantic on top of a bicycle is alarming. All you can do with one of these ten-speed sink traps is grow tired and sore and fall off it.

Being dangerous without being fun puts bicycles in a category with open-heart surgery, the war in Vietnam, the South Bronx, and divorce. Sensible people do all that they can to avoid such things as these.

4. Bicycles are un-American
We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England and everybody would be out of work. And if it weren’t for speed, it would take us all months to fly to L.A., get involved in the movie business, and become rich and famous.

Bicycles are too slow and impuissant for a country like ours. They belong in Czechoslovakia…

5. I don’t like the kind of people who ride bicycles
At least I think I don’t. I don’t actually know anyone who rides a bicycle. But the people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to be dictated by UNICEF. These people should be confined.

I apologize if I have the wrong impression. It may be that bicycle riders are all members of the New York Stock Exchange, Methodist bishops, retired Marine Corps drill instructors, and other solid citizens. However, the fact that they cycle around in broad daylight making themselves look like idiots indicates that they’re crazy anyway and should be confined just the same.

The list goes on from there, all perfectly true and accurate to the nth detail, finishing out with perhaps my personal favorite, Number 7 (“Bicycles are good exercise”), although Number 5 is pretty damned good too. Then PJ realizes that the Bicycle Menace is another of those felicitous problems that, eventually, solve themselves.

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A bargain at ANY price

Posted on May 26, 2024 by Mike

You can’t take the skies from me.

Rocket Report: SpaceX focused on Starship reentry; Firefly may be for sale
Firefly may be up for sale. Firefly Aerospace investors are considering a sale that could value the closely held rocket and Moon lander maker at about $1.5 billion, Bloomberg reports. The rocket company’s primary owner, AE Industrial Partners, is working with an adviser on “strategic options” for Firefly. Neither AE nor Firefly commented to Bloomberg about the potential sale. AE invested $75 million into Texas-based Firefly as part of a series B financing round in 2022. The firm made a subsequent investment in its Series C round in November 2023.

Launches and landers … Now more than a decade old and with a history of financial struggles, Firefly has emerged as one of the apparent winners in the small launch race in the United States. The company’s Alpha rocket has now launched four times since its unsuccessful debut in September 2021, and it is due to fly a Venture Class Launch Services 2 mission for NASA in the coming weeks. Firefly also aims to launch its Blue Ghost spacecraft to the moon later this year and is working on an orbital transfer vehicle.

Butbutbutwait—you mean you aren’t talking about…dammit, I thought you meant…you shoulda told…oh, to hell with it.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

(Via Insty)

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Now, THAT’S impressive!

Posted on May 25, 2024May 25, 2024 by Mike

I have bought weed legally in one of Amsterdam’s fabled “black” coffee shops, and smoked it therein too—again, legally. So my question about this headline is: what in the actual fuck does one have to do to be arrested for drugs in Amsterdam?

Nicki Minaj Reportedly Arrested On Drug Charges In Amsterdam [VIDEOS]

No excerpt from the article, ‘cause who the hell cares.

When baseball was by-God BASEBALL

Posted on May 24, 2024May 24, 2024 by Mike

Via WeirdDave.

pic.twitter.com/o2qVlmRsLp

— ONT WTF (@OntWtf)

May 25, 2024

Now, THAT’s how ya fucking DO it! I think it entirely safe to say that that pitcher’s mellow was well and truly harshed. Hey, who says baseball isn’t a contact sport?

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Good boy

Posted on May 24, 2024 by Mike

Best doggie smile EVAR.

Adopted dog can’t hide her happiness.. 😊 pic.twitter.com/COrPij7mZ6

— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) May 24, 2024

That there is one happy pup. Well done all around, I say.

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