Category: Damn that’s funny!

Pathetic, senile old stumblebum falls up the stairs again

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Ladies and gentlemen, how about a big round of insincere applause for the “leader” of the “free” world.


“Walking strange”? The corrupt old laughingstock is barely even ambulatory at this point. Saddest part of all is, if he somehow manages to live long enough to “run” for “re-election” in 2024, he’ll almost certainly “win.” Probably by another “landslide,” count on it.

Thanks to brack for the steer.

Update! Via PJM, a solution for Old Joe’s ongoing problem with stairs has been suggested.


What a wonderful idea all the way around—with one of these, Grampy Gropey will even be able to enjoy his delicious daily Gerber’s pudding cup as he glides along in safety and comfort.

Rooster tale

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The part of this one that’s most worthy of note isn’t in the news article itself, for a change.

Irish rooster with a violent past kills man with attack to the back of his leg, court says
An Irish inquest found that a man who died in April 2022, was attacked by a rooster with a history of attacking people, according to reports.

The Irish Examiner in Cork, Ireland, reported that Jasper Kraus was allegedly attacked by a Brahma chicken that was moved to his property in Ballinasloe after it attacked a child.

Garda Eoine Browne said during the judicial inquiry that he responded to reports of a sudden death on April 28, 2022, and when he arrived, he spoke to paramedics who said CPR attempts to revive the victim were unsuccessful.

Brown said the man, later identified as Kraus, was on the ground in the kitchen in a pool of blood, with a wound on the back of one of his legs.

A gruesome story, sure enough. But the real action, as is so often the case, is to be found in the comments section, kicking off thusly:

chieftain79
1 day ago
This whole thing could have been prevented with flour, hot grease, and a plate of biscuits.

And with that tasty quip we’re off and running, each commenter outdoing the one before with recipe suggestions, useful ideas for how excessively aggressive roosters might be made to calm the fuck down (with a hammer handle or an axe, natch), and such-like ribaldry. Be prepared to laugh until your face feels like it might crack down the middle from the strain, it’s that hilarious. Good, good stuff, no doubt about it.

Californication

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No matter how bad things are wherever you live, you can be sure it’s much worse in California.

East Palestine Sees Real Estate Surge From Californians Seeking Better Quality Of Life

EAST PALESTINE, OH — Despite recent hardship, the quaint village of East Palestine has seen a surge in real estate sales as embittered Californians seek refuge in a state promising a better quality of life.

“California is a cesspool!” said Jason Gillespie, formerly of Fresno, CA. “And don’t get me started on the gas prices. At least here in East Palestine, I can afford to eat!”

The Gillespie family is not alone. According to a new report, approximately 700 families have moved to East Palestine within the last week alone and by the end of the year, the Census Bureau estimates the city will have a larger population than San Francisco.

Derrick Pastrano, formerly of San Bernardino, CA, was reportedly adamant to leave California behind after he received a $437.00 gas bill. “Living in California is a death sentence. I think we’ll have a better chance here,” he said, surrounded by hundreds of dead chickens. “And look! There’s plenty to eat all over the ground!”

Moving to East Palestine is expected to increase the life span of Californians by up to 15 years, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

At publishing time, California Governor Gavin Newsom had spent millions on an unnecessary commercial in which he blasted the town of East Palestine for stealing California residents and not having enough drag queen story hours.

From the Bee, of course, so who even knows whether it’s satire or for real. More great headlines from the same source:

Sixth Grader Swears His Science Homework Was Blown Up By A Sidewinder Missile

Cleveland Browns Thankful To No Longer Be Largest Disaster In Ohio

Meteorologists Struggling To Report The Weather As All The Weather Balloons Have Been Shot Down

Time Traveler From The Year 2024 Amazed By Ordinary People Cooking Eggs On A Gas Stove

And the all-time award winner for most gruesomely realistic Bee headline ever:

Disturbing Poll Reveals 26% Of Americans Still Trust The Media

More disturbing still, Biden’s approval rating is somehow still well above the 2 or 3% it would be in a sane country.

Cross-dressing freak has his day in court

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It turned out to be kinda tough sledding for the delusional twerp.

‘Why Would You Want Some Lady’s Dirty Clothes?’: Biden’s ‘Non-Binary’ Ex-Nuclear Waste Chief’s Rough Day in Court

Just a few months ago, Sam Brinton was a rising star in the universe of the woke. Back on June 29, he announced, with considerable fanfare, his new role as deputy assistant secretary of the Office of Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the U.S. Department of Energy and tweeted happily about being “one of if not the very first openly genderfluid individuals in federal government leadership.” But it all ended ignominiously less than six months later: on Dec. 12, a Department of Energy spokesbeing announced tersely: “Sam Brinton is no longer a DOE employee. By law, the Department of Energy cannot comment further on personnel matters.”

Brinton turned out to be carrying too much baggage: his firing came after he was caught purloining that baggage from airports in Minneapolis and Las Vegas. On Wednesday, he appeared in a Minnesota court on luggage theft charges, and it wasn’t exactly like facing Old Joe Biden’s sycophantic, far-Left press corps in Washington.

Brinton likes to parade around in women’s clothes, but the seriousness of the charges he faces was apparently sobering; for his court appearance on Wednesday, he left his skirts in the closet and dressed quite conservatively (for him) in a suit and black button-down shirt. The suit’s burgundy color, however, did make it an outfit more suitable for a Batman villain than for a conventional government official. Brinton, according to the UK’s Daily Mail, “could face up to five years in prison and/or a $10,000 fine if found guilty.” As a cosseted member of the Leftist elite, Brinton is unlikely to be sentenced even to a fraction of that, but there is no doubt that his day in court was not the inspiring demonstration of how “diversity is our strength” that the Left would like all the public appearances of “non-binary” people to be.

His lawyers repeatedly requested that he be allowed to appear remotely, but Judge Gina Brandt stated that “the current District Policy does not allow for remote appearances to be conducted for Felony 1st Appearances on the Property Drug Calendar.”

Once he was in court, however, Brandt took pains to make him feel comfortable, accommodating his delusions by referring to him not as “Mr. Brinton,” but as “Mx Brinton.” According to the Daily Mail, which also fed Brinton’s delusions by ridiculously (and confusingly) referring to him using plural pronouns, “Mx is a common gender-neutral title given to non-binary people who do not wish to have a gender referred to in their title.”

Reporters on the scene, however, were less deferential. Brinton was peppered with questions, all of which he ignored, as he left the courthouse and walked to a waiting limo: “Are you here for an interview with the [Minnesota Gov. Tim] Walz administration?” That was a good question, as Walz would likely love to have a “gender-fluid, non-binary” individual prominently on staff. Another impertinent scribbler asked Brinton: “Did you visit the Larry Craig restroom?” Larry Craig was the U.S. senator who, in 2007, was arrested in a restroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport for soliciting an undercover police officer for sex.

Brinton was also asked: “Do you have any comments on the train disaster in Ohio? You’re an expert in these things.” Brinton is indeed touted as an expert in nuclear waste disposal, but the material poisoning the atmosphere in Ohio is apparently not nuclear; was the reporter implying that Brinton himself was a train wreck?

When you’re too sick a sicko for even the shameless Biden junta to let you stay on in your diversity-hire slot…well, you know you’re pretty damned sick indeed.

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Taking a stand

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The people of Arizona lost big-time when they let Kari Lake slip through their fingers thanks to yet another stolen “election.”

HERO: Kari Lake REFUSES to stand for ‘Black National Anthem’ at Super Bowl

Former Arizona Republican gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake remained seated while the “Black National Anthem” was performed during Super Bowl LVII on Sunday.

The 19th-century hymn “Lift Every Voice and Sing” dubbed the “black national anthem,” was performed by actress and singer Sheryl Lee Ralph before the American National Anthem and “America the Beautiful” as part of the opening ceremonies of the game.

Her response to the usual shitlib kvetching was priceless.


Beautiful.

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NYC does not ❤ illegal aliens

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Apparently, what’s sauce for the goose is decidedly unappetizing for the gander.

Quebec tells Eric Adams to stop buying NY migrants bus tickets

The government of Canada’s second-most populated province is demanding that Mayor Eric Adams “immediately” stop helping migrants illegally enter the Great White North, as recently revealed by The Post.

“Any form of assistance to migrants crossing the border where it is strictly forbidden to do so should stop immediately,” a spokesperson for Quebec Premier Francois Legault said.

“We understand that the situation of migrants in New York poses major challenges, but the situation in Quebec and particularly in Montreal is even worse and constitutes an important humanitarian issue.”

Earlier this month, The Post exclusively reported that Adams was using taxpayer funds to get bus tickets for migrants in the Big Apple to travel upstate to Plattsburgh.

From there, migrants take taxis and vans to a cul-de-sac at the end of Roxham Road in Champlain, where they walk across the border and surrender to Canadian Mounties to seek asylum, as The Post documented on Feb. 5.

Why, that’s just INHUMAN! SAVAGE!! CRUEL!!! I am gobsmacked by the callous indifference displayed by Adams towards these poor, put-upon fellow hoo-monz. As the mayor of a proudly self-declared Sanctuary City, surely he must realize that No Human Being Is Illegal.

I note also, with intense amusement, that the number of illegals Adams is bitching and moaning about as having “overwhelmed” NYC’s resources over the course of the past several months is probably about the same as the onslaught being dealt with in tiny Texas border towns on a daily basis. And now here he is, in typical smarmy-shitlib fashion, foisting the problem he literally asked for, in so many words, off on much-smaller Montreal.

But while the Big Apple’s population is nearly 8.5 million, Montreal’s is just 1.7 million.

As the saying goes, Eric, one of these things is NOT like the other. Think about it, kwitcherbitchin’, and just suck it UP, buttercup. Mmmmkay?

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Hilariouser and hilariouser

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Spy balloons, schmy balloons.

The hot air of spy balloons

Originally, General Milley — who promised to warn Red China if we would sneak attack Beijing — and Biden tried to keep the balloon from the public.

They would have gotten away with it, if not for the meddling Billings Gazette publishing photos of the balloon snapped by that pesky Larry Mayer.

This weekend, it was like a shooting gallery as an embarrassed Pentagon fired 4 shots to take down 3 balloons. Top Guns, our pilots are not.

They fired their guns but the balloons kept a-comin.’ There wasn’t as many as there was a while ago.

One of targets was over Lake Huron, which is next to Michigan and its population of 178 people per square miles (24 times Montana’s density). As Woody Hayes once said in a quote I just made up, “Michiganders are expendable.”

Chairman Xi said the first balloon was his but not the other ones. Xi is right because “the call was coming from inside the house!”

These were our balloons. On August 2, 2019, Lisa Kaczke of the Sioux Falls Argus Leader in South Dakota, reported, “Pentagon launching drug surveillance balloons over Midwest.”

Ooooops. And then there’s this small revelation.

Bottlecap Balloon Brigade – an Illinois hobby group – claims its $13 weather balloon last pinged near Yukon on February 10 – hours before F-22 brought down UFO in SAME area with $400k missile

A mystery object shot down by U.S. fighter jets amid ongoing hysteria sparked by a Chinese spy balloon may have been a $12 inflatable launched by a hobby group in Illinois.

The Northern Illinois Bottlecap Balloon Brigade (NIBBB) reported one of its balloons ‘missing in action’ around the same location – and at the time time – a U.S. Air Force jet downed an unidentified object near Alaska using a $400,000 Sidewinder missile.

NIBBB said its ‘K9YO’ balloon last reported its location shortly before 1am GMT on Saturday, February 11 (8pm EST on February 10), near the coast of southwest Alaska.

Later on Saturday, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau declared an ‘unidentified object’ was downed over Canada’s Yukon territory, several hundred miles from K9YO’s last known location.

Modeling shared by NIBBB shows its balloon was headed in the direction of Yukon before it vanished – and opens up the possibility it was one of the suspicious objects down by the U.S. military.

Hey, fret not, people—Jao Bai-Deng’s crack team of “experts” is ON. THE. JOB—defending US airspace and protecting the American people from mysterious alien incursions!

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T’is an ill wind indeed that blows no man any good

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Wilder and Sido are worried about the possibilities for ginning up phony vidya “evidence” via AI, but I for one welcome our new ant robot overlords.

With AI there is no limit to the “news footage” They can create anything at will and if there is video evidence of you doing something, who is a jury going to believe? A racist like me or their lying eyes?

Way back in 1987 this was predicted in the Arnold Schwarzenegger film The Running Man. Playing Ben Richards, Arnold is imprisoned for shooting at an unarmed crowd of protesters but in reality he had refused the order to fire on them. The government then changed the film of the incident to make it look like Arnold had actually disobeyed orders to stand down and fired on the crowd…

We are conditioned to believe video. If the news just makes a claim we can be skeptical but when we see it playing out in front of us? Most people are just going to accept it for what it seems to be. It would seem a simple matter to create an AI rendition of Trump saying nigger while smoking meth with a Russian hooker peeing on him.

DUDE, I would SO pay good money to see a vid like that. GOOOOOD money.

One contest in which everybody comes out a winner

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Minnesota strikes again with the snow-plow-naming hilarity.


Lots more good stuff here.

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Limousine liberal gets kicked to the curb

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Not a fan, never have been, ain’t never gonna be.

Bruce Springsteen’s ticket prices are so high that his fan site ‘Backstreets’ is shutting down after 43 years

A magazine and website that has served Bruce Springsteen’s fans for 43 years is shutting down, with its publisher writing that he’s been disillusioned by the debate over ticket prices for their hero’s current tour.

Backstreets had been an unusually robust publication that imposed journalistic rigor on its writing and photography, while leaving no doubt of its fan worship.

But the complaints about high ticket prices left people there “dispirited, downhearted and yes, disillusioned,” publisher Christopher Phillips wrote late last week in a post announcing the shutdown.

“Disappointment is a common feeling among hardcore fans in the Backstreets community,” he wrote. Phillips did not immediately return messages seeking comment.

Springsteen’s manager, Jon Landau, said that “we are very sorry to hear the news of Backstreets closing and want to thank Chris Phillips for his 30 years of dedication on behalf of Springsteen fans everywhere. “

There was an uproar among some Springsteen fans when tickets first went on sale last summer, particularly over Ticketmaster’s dynamic pricing model, which sent tickets soaring to $5,000 or more when there was high demand. At a congressional hearing last month following the fiasco over Ticketmaster’s handling of Taylor Swift tour tickets, U.S. Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana suggested major artists like Springsteen and Swift should demand fee caps.

Springsteen’s team has defended the prices as being in line with what is charged today by many of his peers. Like many artists, he says he’s annoyed when unscrupulous ticket brokers — not the musicians — benefit from high markups.

Admittedly, Springsteen has a great band behind him. At the end of the day, though, even the legendary E Street Band is not enough to offset Bruce’s powerful asshole proclivities. Honestly, I always felt kinda sorry for Clarence Clemmons, Miami Steve Van Zandt, Max Weinberg, and the rest for having to put up with their insufferable, pretentious “Boss,” and couldn’t see how they managed to do it for all those years.

(Via Ed)

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Sarah “Shut ‘Em Down” Sanders

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Sarah Huckabee Sanders—for whom, it seems, I’m gonna have to start appending “The Great” as a prefix to her first name, like I’ve been doing with Ron DeSantis; Lord knows she’s earned it—tore China Joe a new one in her HOTU response.

‘Crazy’ and ‘Wrong’: Sarah Huckabee Sanders Destroys Biden Narrative in SOTU Response

Despite being in office for just a few weeks, Arkansas GOP Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders is no stranger to the limelight and her rising star shined bright on Tuesday night during her Republican rebuttal to President Biden’s second State of the Union address.

The youngest governor in America, Sanders began her speech talking about her experiences as a mother that left her “not believing much of anything I heard tonight from President Biden.”

Reiterating that America is the “greatest country the world has known” because it is the “freest” ever known, Sanders affirmed the belief that “government exists not to rule the people, but to serve the people.”

Contrasting herself with Biden, Sanders said “At 40, I’m the youngest governor in the country. At 80, he’s the oldest president in American history. I’m the first woman to lead my state, he’s the first man to surrender his presidency to a woke mob that can’t even tell you what a woman is,” the governor said, rightly turning up the heat on Democrats.

Blasting Biden and the “radical left” for its vision for Americans that “taxes you and lights your hard-earned money on fire” while “you get crushed with high gas prices, empty grocery shelves, and our children are taught to hate one another on account of their race, but not to love one another or our great country,” Sanders didn’t let those across the aisle off the hook for anything.

Saying “the Biden administration seems more interested in woke fantasies than the hard reality Americans face every day,” Sanders explained that “most Americans simply want to live their lives in freedom and peace, but we are under attack in a left-wing culture war we didn’t start and never wanted to fight.”

“That’s not normal,” Sanders said speaking for Republicans and countless Americans. “It’s crazy, and it’s wrong.”

Incredible as it may seem, there’s more yet, every bit of it meeting the same high standard for quality as the above. As I mentioned the other day, Sanders was the best Presidential press secretary ever under Trump, and she’s on track to be the best governor Arkansas ever had now. You go, girl.

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Well, whaddya know about that

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Bumbling moron.


Heh. Hey, looky there, the senile old kiddie-diddler accidentally told the truth for once. UNEXPECTED!™

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How dare they!

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Seems to be a few kinks that need to be worked out with AINO’s New Model Woke Army before it will be fully ready to do battle with the enemies of Progressivism.

U.S. Tanks In Ukraine Already Destroyed After Being Easily Recognized By Their Rainbow Camouflage

UKRAINE — Mere hours after deploying 31 brand new U.S. M1 Abrams tanks, sources are now reporting all 31 of them have been destroyed by the Russians. Experts are attributing this to the fact that each of the 31 tanks featured rainbow camouflage that was easily visible to the enemy Russians.

“These tanks are state of the art, boasting the latest and greatest in firepower, mobility, and of course LGBTQ-affirming camouflage,” said Biden’s Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. “The fact the Russians would dare fire upon our rainbow-printed tanks shows how hateful, bigoted and on the wrong side of history these Russians truly are.”

Well, c’mon, DUH. I mean, it’s Russians, ferchrissake. Everybody knows how THEY are.

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Good show!

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I know I said yesterday that the animal-rights whackjobs chaining themselves by their chicken-necks to an active conveyor belt was the feel-good story of the week, and I meant that too. But suddenly, a new contender has emerged.


In the vid, after his near-thing brush with becoming sticky red goo, one of the candidates for a Darwin Golden Achievement Award whimpers, “what’s wrong with that guy?” To which I respond: nothing whatsoever, roadkill. The only wrong thing here is you and your insufferably smug compadres, not the poor working stiff just trying to earn an honest, honorable, and entirely legal living for himself and his family, a thing I strongly suspect your ilk knows little if anything about.

Then comes the anguished bleat “HE’S A LUNATIC!!” Well, somebody certainly is, yeah. But it ain’t the truck driver; he’s had just about a bellyfull of your juvenile-delinquent bullshit, and decided he just wasn’t gonna put up with another second of it. Like the rest of us saner sorts are similarly fed up, and will have to show a little “activist” initiative of our own if we ever hope to be rid of you.

Indeed. Lately, it seems as if there’s another new Lord Of The Idiots title-seeker popping up every five minutes or so.

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Lying, or just delusional?

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With Pedo Joe, it’s damned near impossible to know for sure.

Joe Biden believes he is honest, and that anyone who disagrees with him is lying, or is ignorant, or has been deceived by liars.

So deeply convinced is Joe Biden of his own honesty that he thinks his very name is synonymous with truth-telling:

“I give you my word as a Biden: I will never stoop to President Trump’s level.”

— Nov. 20, 2019

“I give you my word as a Biden: If I am elected president I will do everything in my power to protect our children from gun violence.”

— March 10, 2020

“I give you my word as a Biden: When I’m president, I will lead with science, listen to the experts and heed their advice, and always tell you the truth.”

— March 18, 2020

When I first noticed him using this “my word as a Biden” phrase during the 2020 campaign, I was puzzled. Has the Biden family been so prominently associated with honesty that when Joe says this, most Americans say, “Well, that settles it”? Of course not. In fact, Biden’s first presidential campaign, in 1988, collapsed in disgrace specifically because of Joe’s dishonesty, when he was caught plagiarizing others — most notably British Labour leader Neil Kinnock — in his speeches.

Joe Biden lies about a lot of things, including his own biography. It is fair to say he is notoriously dishonest, and yet he seems to believe that nobody knows this, and that he enjoys a reputation as a truth-teller.

“My word as a Biden”? It is to laugh. And laugh, and laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

(Via Ed)

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