Not just appropriately—PERFECTLY, in actual fact.
To be honest, I really wanted to respond with this Tropic Thunder meme, but I would NEVER do something so rude & irresponsible! https://t.co/jL0GDW5QUx pic.twitter.com/XhUxCSGFNP
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk)
Up your ass with jagged glass, EU fascists. The more Elon shows us of his, erm, feistier side, the more I have to like the guy.
(Via Eeyore)
4
3King Leonidas tells it like it really is, and straight to hell with Ms King/Queen Xerxes.
Welcome to my biology class. Today, you will learn about common sense. pic.twitter.com/Tnuzz0ngtZ
— 1776 (@TheWakeninq)
Via Phil.
53Francis unearths some unsettling facts which are bound to throw any lover of boxed mac & “cheese” right off his feed.
An uncle to the clan cleared his throat. “Kevin,” he intoned, “you know I sell cheese, don’t you?” The youngster nodded. “Well, it’s about time you learned about the Great Pyramid of Cheese.” And he told them all about it.
It seems that there are places where they make Cheese. The real stuff, straight from the milk, brimming with the odorific and oleaginous virtues that your narrator has found he cannot renounce. And it is good.
Most of it, anyway. Some wheels of cheese just don’t turn out right. But they’re not thrown away, oh, no. That would be wasteful. They’re sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce… Cheese Food. Cheese Food is regulated by law to contain no more than 49% non-milk additives, and must not contain any but a specified list of preservatives and artificial flavor enhancers. There are people who eat Cheese Food by choice. There are others who are trying to help them.
But some batches of Cheese Food don’t come out right either, and they’re not thrown away, either. They’re sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce… Process Pasteurized Cheese Food. PPCF is the step down from Cheese Food, and may contain up to 70% non-milk additives, plus a much wider range of flavor and color enhancers, and preservatives that guarantee that it will not spoil over the three months between your toddler’s two demands for a grilled cheese sandwich right now, mom!
And not all of this is saleable, either, but (you guessed it) it’s not thrown away just for that. The rejected barrels are sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce… Process Pasteurized Cheese Food Substance. PPCFS may contain up to 82% non-milk additives. The flavor and color are almost entirely chemically produced, and the preservatives in it are reputed to be stronger than formaldehyde. Velveeta was once PPCFS, but has moved up the pyramid to Level 3 (PPCF). Cheez Whiz is PPCFS. A number of people have drawn images of the Blessed Virgin on their basement walls with PPCFS from spray cans, and have made quite a lot of money.
But…that’s right. Some of it doesn’t meet the standards for retail-saleable PPCFS. The rejected barrels are sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce…
Well, it doesn’t really have a name, and it doesn’t need one, either, because all of it is consumed by a single company.
“And Kevin,” the uncle rumbled, “would you like to guess what that company is?”
Little Kevin swallowed and shook his head.
“It’s the Kraft Company, Kevin.”
OOF. Please, I beg of you, don’t anybody tell my kid about this, ‘kay? A diehard devotee of boxed mac ’n’ (kinda-sorta-somewhat, more or less) cheese from an early age, she’s liable to resort to drastic measures if she ever gets wind of it, up to and including mass murder.
The above excerpt is from an old 2007 (!) Porretto post that somehow got by me the first time around; happily, though, Bayou Peter caught it. Or, y’know, UNhappily, as the case may be.
PRO TIP: Back when I was still able to bestir myself now and then to whip up some honest to God scratch-made macaroni and cheese, I came up with a concoction I dubbed Tex-Mex Mac & Cheese, made with one (1) can of Original Recipe Ro-tel (my perennial standby; like the iconic Texas Pete hot sauce, it makes ANYTHING better); cheddar and Monterey Jack cheeses; pasta shells or ziti (NOT elbow macaroni, unless I had nothing else on hand); and thick-sliced, hefty hunks of Zatarain’s andouille sausage in portions generous enough to draw a sigh of blissed-out contentment from even the most decadent of bipedal root-hogs.
Delicious as it was, and it assuredly was, I never could persuade Madeleine to so much as try the stuff, alas. In those days, she didn’t care much for andouille, whereas tomatoes in any way, shape, or form—canned or fresh off the vine, sliced, diced, chopped, pureed, or etc—were completely out of the question.
41Sorry, not seeing the issue here. Or anything at all out of the ordinary, for that matter.
Meet the Little-Known Activist Group That Has Tens of Thousands of Doctors Registering Patients To Vote
From psychiatric hospitals to the NICU, clinical settings have become political battlegrounds.Many patients at the Pennsylvania Psychiatric Institute, an 89-bed facility affiliated with Pennsylvania State University, suffer from schizophrenia, substance abuse, depression, or bipolar disorder. They cannot complete the “activities of daily living,” the hospital’s inpatient clinic states. Some are “suicidal, aggressive, or dangerous to themselves or others.”
During their stay, which is often involuntary, patients participate in group counseling, learn strategies for stress management, have their medication adjusted, and interact with therapy animals.
They can also partake in a less orthodox therapeutic activity: registering to vote.
Located in a swing state that could decide the 2024 election, the hospital asks psychiatric inpatients, regardless of diagnosis, if they would be interested in “voter registration tools” that let them check their nearest polling station and register to vote online. Patients can also request a mail-in ballot with “assistance” from hospital staff, according to a pair of papers about the project, which began in 2020.
Since then, the hospital has continued registering patients—even those who are not near discharge and have not yet been stabilized—on the grounds that voting, as the institute puts it, is a “therapeutic tool” that “helps empower patients and makes them feel good.”
“Voting is an important part of the recovery process,” Julie Graziane, a geriatric psychiatrist who leads the hospital’s civic engagement efforts, said in a press release. Neither she nor Ruth Moore, the hospital’s head of community engagement, responded to requests for comment.
I repeat: what’s the big deal? Since when is it any big surprise that D卐M☭CRATs are barking-at-the-moon lunatics, pray tell? Candidates; Party officials and staffers; officeholders at every level; interns; Enemedia yap-dogs; canvassers; voters—it’s a case of like calling to like, seems to me, they’re all bugfuck nuts.
(Via Ace)
31Having mentioned a certain deranged lunatic in tonight’s Eyrie outing, I figure one good dementoid spazz-out deserves another. Enjoy, folks.
Transgender man claims ‘transphobia’ after a woman accidentally walked into him outside a chicken shop.
“You walked into me. You antagonized me. You’re a black woman calling the cops on a trans woman.”
— Oli London (@OliLondonTV)
So very much I could say about this howlingly funny Manwoman and his parodically-overwrought misrepresentation of how a real woman typically conducts herself, but somehow I shall restrain myself. Do stick with it until the freaky-deaky geek removes his wig and hurls it to the ground; unlikely as it may seem, things don’t really get rolling until that point.
Say it with me, people: perfectly sane, healthy, and as one-hunnerd percent gin-yoo-wine normal as you, me, or anybody else.
22A warning from Lakeside Joe.
This may well be the greatest scam of the year – it even happened to me. Two pretty hot looking blonde Russian babes come over to your truck while you are getting the boat out of the water. Without saying a word, they both start cleaning your boat with sponge and soapy water, with their broobs almost falling out of their skimpy dresses. It’s impossible not to check ’em out.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say no thanks and instead ask you for a ride to the 24 hour Racetrack a couple of miles down the road so they can get smokes and a cold drink. You agree and they get in the backseat.
Then on the way, they pull their dresses down, then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet, so tell your boaty buddies to be careful. I had my wallet stolen July 4th, 9th, twice on the 15th, and then again yesterday morning.
Oh – juss’ so ya know, Walmart sells wallets for only $7.00. Juss’ sayin’…
Pay heed, boat enthusiasts, and don’t get stung like poor Joe did. Unless, y’know, the opportunity should present itself. Further advice: Buy stock in WalMart, or any other place that sells wallets El Cheapo.
211I must admit, I’d like it a lot better if one of ours had shot his sorry ass, pour encourager les autres. But what the hell, any dead violent Leftist is a good violent Leftist, so we takes what we gets.
Suspect, 22, who allegedly ran over Mich. Trump supporter, 80, with ATV kills himself: report
A Michigan man suspected of running down an 80-year-old with an ATV in a politically motivated attack has been found dead by apparent suicide, according to reports.The 22-year-old suspect was found in his home with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound on Monday, after having called police looking to confess, according to WLUC.
“Send someone to pick me up,” the unidentified suspect told cops, who responded to his Quincy home and found him dead.
The suspect had accosted the elderly man as he placed pro-Donald Trump signs in his yard, initially ripping them up while speeding by on the ATV.
When the victim tried to put the signs back, the suspect ran him down with the ATV and fled.
Prior to the vicious attack, the suspect was seen smashing car windows and slashing tires.
Now, there will assuredly be those who will think it just too, too horrid of me not to mourn the “tragic” loss of this vicious, clearly disturbed Lefty goblin. Hate it for ‘em, I really do, but far as I’m concerned his death is cause for celebration, not sorrow—him, and all others like him.
1Sayeth Southwest Airlines, and it’s pretty gol-danged schweet.
Apparently, it could be a genuine, bona fide SWA Tweet. Although the linked article pooh-poohs that out of hand, saying that SWA hasn’t posted anything at all on X since January in favor of (UGHHGAGBLECCHHH!) Instagram, I’m with Fox Mulder: I WANT to believe! Whoever is behind this, GREAT one, guys.
12
1Whatcha gonna do indeed.
Hulk Hogan cuts a promo for Trump at the RNC: pic.twitter.com/r1TQFb032m
— jordan (@JordanUhl)
Hulk Hogan: “WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN DONALD TRUMP AND ALL THE TRUMPA-MANIACS RUN WILD ON YOU, BROTHER?” pic.twitter.com/bOJEw1IVZQ
— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ)
Gott-damn SKIPPY. PREACH it, Hulkster!!! Much, much more of this incredibly good, tasty stuff at Twitchy. In response to the too-predictable D卐M☭CRAT sniffing, eyerolling, and contemptuous pearl-clutching for the Hulkster’s basic Not One Of Us, Dearie gauche-i-tivity—Harry Sisson’s lame-O bitch, piss, and moaning being the pluperfect example*—NotKenny Rogers puts it best:
Democrats will have some guy in an evening gown and sensible pumps talking about George Floyd and climate change at their convention.
I’ll take this every single time: pic.twitter.com/tIfmXZQB6G
— NotKennyRogers (@NotKennyRogers)
You and me both, brother. You and me both.
* “No serious conversation on policy,” Harry? RILLY?!? Your corpse-tastic cadaver can’t manage to groan out a complete sentence betwixt the snot-bubbles and rivulets of drool even after his handlers have hit him with BOTH paddles, you sniveling sissymary. PRO TIP: Take close, careful note of Trump’s easygoing, beaming merriment at Hulk’s star-turn (at the end of @3YearLetterman’s post) and remember something: He who laughs last laughs best. And, in the theater of the absurd that national politics in Amerika v2.0 has become, he who laughs best will almost certainly win the race.
21Blubberous, bumbling, female Didn’t Earn It SS hires hardest hit.
Secret Service says it’s appalled by DEI rhetoric against female agents after Trump rally shooting
Saturday’s shooting is the latest instance of right-leaning social media accounts trying to link diversity, equity and inclusion programs to deeply troubling news events.The U.S. Secret Service said Wednesday that it stood by its female agents and was appalled by some of the criticism they’ve received on conservative social media since Saturday’s attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump.
The Secret Service, in a statement to NBC News, said that the criticism from pundits and influencers was baseless. The agency also stood by its commitment to diversity in recruiting as helping, not hurting, the effectiveness of its protective teams.
The statement follows a multiday campaign of derision by some conservatives who accused Kimberly Cheatle, the Secret Service director, of being unqualified and who said that female agents assigned to Trump hadn’t been physically capable of protecting him. Some critics said the Secret Service should return to being all-male, which it hasn’t been since 1970.
Anthony Guglielmi, the Secret Service’s chief of communication, said in the statement: “We stand united against any attempt to discredit our personnel and their invaluable contributions to our mission and are appalled by the disparaging and disgusting comments against any of our personnel.”
“As an elite law enforcement agency, all of our agents and officers are highly trained and fully capable of performing our missions,” he said.
Trump was wounded in his right ear at Saturday’s chaotic rally in Butler, Pennsylvania. An attendee was killed trying to protect his family, and another two were seriously injured.
Yep, sure sounds like a two-thumbs-up Mission Accomplished to me, gals.
51You go, girl.
Kamala Harris claims “JD Vance will be loyal only to Trump, not to our country.” @JDVance1 enlisted in the Marine Corps after 9/11 and deployed to Iraq in 2005, the same year I was there during the height of the war. He put his life on the line in service to our country.
Was… pic.twitter.com/v9uSS7ASQe
— Tulsi Gabbard 🌺 (@TulsiGabbard)
OUCH, ma’am! Better stick to something you know, Kummy. Like, say, suck-starting your stalled career by gobbing useful higher-up knobs.
21There’s just no hope at all for some “people.”
There have always been two Joe Bidens. The empathetic, decent, big-hearted leader, forged in loss and grief, finding the good in his friends and opponents, in love with America, arms wide and open with space for everyone. And there’s the blowhard with a chip on his shoulder,…
— Jon Lovett (@jonlovett)
FAIR WARNING: It’s a long ‘un, brimming o’er with more of the same species of delusional codswallop, in case anyone wants to befoul himself by clicking over for the rest—an irrational, self-destructive inclination I won’t even pretend to understand. No, I will NOT be C&P’ing the extended post-“Show more” twaddle this time out, because fuck that noise.
Happily, Meestah COL Schlichter courageously steps in to flush the noxious turd down the stink-pipe and away before it can smell up the joint beyond hope of repair.
Joe Biden was an asshole, and he’s still an asshole and he’s the worst president since at least Jimmy Carter if not,James Buchanan. He’s not a decent nice guy. He’s an idiot. He’s corrupt. He’s a pervert. And he’s a jerk. A narcissistic, selfish jerk, and he always has been.
— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter)
In the case of the esteemed COL Schlichter, unlike the previous asswart, I’m only too happy to provide the rest of the clickbait story for y’all.
…If he pulls out, it is a confession of his total inadequacy and failure, and I celebrate his humiliation. But he’s not going to be pulling out, because to do that would be to put the needs of other people and the country ahead of his own ego and he’ll never do that because he’s a bad, bad person.
And so is his wife.
WHOA, that’s good squishy!
As the overbooked proctologist reputedly complained to his frazzled assistant: Is there no end to these assholes?
Grateful thanks to Schlichter for the speedy, selfless save; hope your singed nostril-hairs grow back in with no complications or discomfort, Kurt. As for the blistered paint, cracked window-glass, and damaged thundermug, pas de sweat; that ain’t on you, buddy, you already did your bit and then some. Above and beyond the call, I’d say. Next time you’re moved to deal out another righteous smackdown to some deserving dumbass, may I recommend using both backhand AND forehand strokes in your delivery, so as to ensure the intended lesson is not merely learned, but permanently instilled. Additionally, as every serious golfer knows, a vigorous, complete follow-through is critical, particularly with the more stubborn, marginally-educable specimens.
Elsewhere, our pal Aesop examines another self-inflicted auto-da-fé, this one starring a violence-avowing, Biden-fellating punkass beeyotch who now faces follow-on consequences far more dire, including but in no wise restricted to:
It’s a joy to behold, far as I’m concerned.
11At long, long last, a candidate I can get behind with all my heart, soul, mind, spirit, and body, to my last ounce of strength.
Sometimes the right person emerges. When we needed a person to see us through the War for Independence and to serve as this new nation’s first president, Washington emerged. When Britain found itself fighting for its life against Nazi Germany, Churchill emerged. When our country was tearing itself apart over the slavery question, Lincoln emerged.
And now, in our troubled times, David ‘Iowahawk’ Burge has emerged.
Man, has he ever. And how.
Qualifications:
-Natural born US citizen over the age of 35
-GED from Woodbury County Youth Correctional
-No felony convictions upheld on appeal
-knows/aware of/remembers things— David Burge (@iowahawkblog)
Platform:
-Will work at home from Zoom, White House now a tourist trap & gift shop
-No photo ops, in fact you will never know what I look like
-No Executive Orders ever
-Will veto every fucking bill that Congress sends me, get a 2/3 majority assholes
-Will cheerfully leave…— David Burge (@iowahawkblog)
The above infuriatingly-truncated “Read more” passage ends thusly: “…leave office after four years.” Which is of course a baldfaced lie, or so we must hope; President-for-Life the Right Hon Mr David NMI Burge would be totally jake with me, I gots no objection, although YMMV. If so, please keep it on the down-low, I really don’t wanna know. It would pain me no end to see any of my beloved CF Lifers permanently beclown himself by publicly confessing to such disgraceful Wrongthink as that.
At any rate, the laff-train keeps a-rolling all night long from there:
-Golf handicap: I have never been on a golf course that didn’t have windmills and fiberglass clowns, otherwise I find the game is a stupid waste of time
-vigor: I can still dunk a nerf hoop
-mental acuity: read my TL dumbass
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog)
Lots, lots more after that one, every last syllable likewise meeting or surpassing the impossibly-high IowahawkCorp© standards for Beverage-Spewing Hilarity, Aggravated GutBustery w/HowlinglyFunny cluster, and/or RightdafuckON, Muhfuhgr! we’ve all come to expect from that crazy-ass fool.
FULL DISCLOSURE OF UNACCEPTABLE JOURNALISMIC BIAS: I’ve been good buds with the legendary David Burge (FACT CHECK: NOT his real name, nor is “Iowahawk,” astonishingly enough) for quite a few years, although over the last several we’ve fallen out of touch, to my boundless regret and ensorrowment.
Dave, if you happen across this, my phone # has changed since we last talked, so do please kite me one of them newfangled electronic-mail thingamabobbers instead (mike-at-cf-dot-etc) when you get a spare minute, wouldja? I realize you’re a busy, busy beaver and all, but I’d truly admire to hear from ya, old friend, it’s been way too long. Hope this missive finds you still fightin’ fit, happy as some clams, and generally doing well—seeing’s how “doing good” sorta cuts against your usual warp and woof and so would feel pretty dang weird, probably for both of us.
Best wishes for fair winds and following seas on your write-in White House run; we could certainly do worse for a Prez-mo-dent, MUCH worse, and likely will. Gaia knows we have, more than just once, twice, or thrice at that.
And to think, the Beltway (Butt)Bandits consider Trump an outsider.
T’would serve those never-to-be-sufficiently-damned Swamp-rats right, sayeth moi.
31A certain tall but brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning example of a placental mammal we all know and love has it, and it’s fucking hilarious. Well done, Ms Sarcastica, well done indeed!
33I’m running this one for one reason and one reason only, which will be disclosed after the excerpt.
Cannabis appears to improve orgasmic function in women, according to new research
Recent research published in the journal Sexual Medicine suggests that cannabis use before sex may help women who experience difficulties achieving orgasm. Among women who reported difficulties achieving orgasm, a significant majority reported improvements in orgasm frequency, ease, and satisfaction when using cannabis before partnered sex.Female orgasmic dysfunction is a sexual disorder characterized by a persistent or recurrent difficulty in achieving orgasm, despite adequate sexual stimulation and arousal. This condition can cause significant distress and affect a woman’s quality of life and relationships. Despite its prevalence, affecting up to 41% of women worldwide, effective treatments are limited.
Anecdotal evidence and previous studies have hinted at cannabis’s potential to enhance sexual experiences for women, but a systematic investigation was necessary to validate these claims. In this new study, researchers aimed to provide more substantial evidence that cannabis could be an effective treatment for women with orgasmic difficulties.
Okay, battlespace-prep complete. Now for the meat of the matter, in the form of a classic old-school biker joke I always got a giggle out of.
Q: How can you tell when a woman is having an orgasm?
A: Who the hell cares?!?
…….
Okay, okay, sorry. I just couldn’t help myself.
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ALSO NOTE: You MUST use a valid, legit email address in order to successfully register, the new anti-spam software I installed last night requires it. My thanks to Barry for all his help sorting this mess out last night.
Comments appear entirely at the whim of the guy who pays the bills for this site and may be deleted, ridiculed, maliciously edited for purposes of mockery, or otherwise pissed over as he in his capricious fancy sees fit. The CF comments section is pretty free-form and rough and tumble; tolerance level for rowdiness and misbehavior is fairly high here, but is NOT without limit.
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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards."
—Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution
Claire's Cabal—The Freedom Forums
"There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
—Daniel Webster
“When I was young I was depressed all the time. But suicide no longer seemed a possibility in my life. At my age there was very little left to kill.”
—Charles Bukowski
“A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him.”
—Ezra Pound
“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it’s profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.”
—Frank Zappa
“The right of a nation to kill a tyrant in case of necessity can no more be doubted than to hang a robber, or kill a flea.”
—John Adams
"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves."
—Bertrand de Jouvenel
"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."
—GK Chesterton
"I predict that the Bush administration will be seen by freedom-wishing Americans a generation or two hence as the hinge on the cell door locking up our freedom. When my children are my age, they will not be free in any recognizably traditional American meaning of the word. I’d tell them to emigrate, but there’s nowhere left to go. I am left with nauseating near-conviction that I am a member of the last generation in the history of the world that is minimally truly free."
—Donald Sensing
"The only way to live free is to live unobserved."
—Etienne de la Boiete
"History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid."
—Dwight D. Eisenhower
"To put it simply, the Left is the stupid and the insane, led by the evil. You can’t persuade the stupid or the insane and you had damn well better fight the evil."
—Skeptic
"There is no better way to stamp your power on people than through the dead hand of bureaucracy. You cannot reason with paperwork."
—David Black, from Turn Left For Gibraltar
"If the laws of God and men, are therefore of no effect, when the magistracy is left at liberty to break them; and if the lusts of those who are too strong for the tribunals of justice, cannot be otherwise restrained than by sedition, tumults and war, those seditions, tumults and wars, are justified by the laws of God and man."
—John Adams
"The limits of tyranny are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress."
—Frederick Douglass
"Give me the media and I will make of any nation a herd of swine."
—Joseph Goebbels
“I hope we once again have reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: As government expands, liberty contracts.”
—Ronald Reagan
"Ain't no misunderstanding this war. They want to rule us and aim to do it. We aim not to allow it. All there is to it."
—NC Reed, from Parno's Peril
"I just want a government that fits in the box it originally came in."
—Bill Whittle
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