Category: Damn that’s funny!

Kumala catches a kind of load she ain’t used to, and did not enjoy

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JD Vance puts it to the nasty ho’ straight.

JD Vance tells Kamala Harris to ‘go to hell’ after her campaign takes aim at Trump over Arlington incident
ERIE, Pa. — Republican vice presidential nominee Sen. JD Vance (R-Ohio) told Vice President Kamala Harris she “can go to hell” Wednesday if she wanted to criticize former President Donald Trump for attending a ceremony honoring the fallen 13 servicemembers who died during the Afghanistan withdrawal.

Vance’s swipe came after the Trump campaign reportedly got into an altercation with a cemetery official at Arlington National Cemetery, who tried to stop them from filming and photographing in Section 60, the burial site for military personnel killed while fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq.

The VP pick was asked to comment on the incident at a campaign event in Erie, Pa. when he became visibly frustrated and sniped that the Democratic presidential nominee “can go to hell” if her team wanted to use it as an opportunity to attack Trump.

He then hit back at Harris for not firing anyone responsible for the withdrawal that happened under her watch.

“The other thing that our veterans care more about is that three years ago, 13 brave innocent Americans died. And they died because Kamala Harris refused to do her job and there hasn’t been a single investigation or a single firing,” he said.

“Kamala Harris is disgraceful. We want to talk about a story out of those 13 brave innocent Americans who lost their lives? It’s that Kamala Harris is so asleep at the wheel that she won’t even do an investigation into what happened. And she wants to yell at Donald Trump because he showed up?”

She “can go to hell” he scoffed.

So now even Arlington has been politicized by these wretched scumfucks? No big surprise, I suppose—what hallowed American institution, tradition, or historical/cultural artifact HAVEN’T they weaponized and used for partisan political purposes at this point?—but I do find it pretty sad just the same.

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They lie

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ALL of them, every fucking minute of every fucking day. As I always say, if it weren’t for lies, the shitlib Left would hve nothing to say at all.

Yes, even Amnesty International. ESPECIALLY AI, probably.


Please note the “Readers added context” section, folks. It leaves one a mite curious about what this sicko Manwoman actually does look like—which I’ll tuck below the fold for any of you who hope to be able to keep down whatever you may eat over the next several days.

Continue reading “They lie” →

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“Joy,” eh?

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Joy juice, more like.

Newsweek Says Republicans Are Spreading Rumors About Kamala Harris’ ‘Drinking Problem’
Forget all the rumors you’ve heard about Nancy Pelosi having a drinking problem — now Republicans are spreading rumors about Kamala Harris and her supposed drinking problem. We’ll have to read the piece to find just how widespread this is. We’ve heard rumors about Harris’ intelligence; Donald Trump has said she’s not a very smart person.

How would such a rumor get started, anyway? It’s not like Harris serves up word salad for every meal and cackles at her own jokes.

Frankly, it would explain a lot if Harris had a drinking problem. If this is her sober…

Of course, there IS one other possibility here.


Hey, you pays your money and you takes your choice, D卐M☭CRATs.


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WEIRD!

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Man, what a freak.

9 Shocking Things J.D. Vance Did In High School
As even more incriminating pictures of senator and vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance’s scandalous high school years surfaced in recent weeks, the nation was left wondering: who is this total freak from Ohio, and what other scurrilous mischief did he get up to in his youth?

  1. Illegally downloaded songs on Napster: A cyberthief at such a young age. Disturbing.
  2. Stuck pencils between his fingers and pretended to be Wolverine: It doesn’t get much weirder than this.
  3. Called Wendy’s and asked if their refrigerator was running: The restaurant’s employees from that night are still scarred to this day.
  4. Wrote “Seymour Butts” inside the jacket of his math textbook: What type of deranged person does this?
  5. Said “Not Here!” when the teacher said his name while taking roll: Liar then, liar now.
  6. Dared his friends to spell “ICUP”: No one actually saw anyone pee, J.D. Stop spreading lies.

Bizarre and off-putting as all those definitely are, #9 is the absolute weirdest of them all.

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EU fascists threaten Musk, Musk responds

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Not just appropriately—PERFECTLY, in actual fact.


Up your ass with jagged glass, EU fascists. The more Elon shows us of his, erm, feistier side, the more I have to like the guy.

(Via Eeyore)

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Say CHEESE!

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Francis unearths some unsettling facts which are bound to throw any lover of boxed mac & “cheese” right off his feed.

An uncle to the clan cleared his throat. “Kevin,” he intoned, “you know I sell cheese, don’t you?” The youngster nodded. “Well, it’s about time you learned about the Great Pyramid of Cheese.” And he told them all about it.

It seems that there are places where they make Cheese. The real stuff, straight from the milk, brimming with the odorific and oleaginous virtues that your narrator has found he cannot renounce. And it is good.

Most of it, anyway. Some wheels of cheese just don’t turn out right. But they’re not thrown away, oh, no. That would be wasteful. They’re sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce… Cheese Food. Cheese Food is regulated by law to contain no more than 49% non-milk additives, and must not contain any but a specified list of preservatives and artificial flavor enhancers. There are people who eat Cheese Food by choice. There are others who are trying to help them.

But some batches of Cheese Food don’t come out right either, and they’re not thrown away, either. They’re sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce… Process Pasteurized Cheese Food. PPCF is the step down from Cheese Food, and may contain up to 70% non-milk additives, plus a much wider range of flavor and color enhancers, and preservatives that guarantee that it will not spoil over the three months between your toddler’s two demands for a grilled cheese sandwich right now, mom!

And not all of this is saleable, either, but (you guessed it) it’s not thrown away just for that. The rejected barrels are sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce… Process Pasteurized Cheese Food Substance. PPCFS may contain up to 82% non-milk additives. The flavor and color are almost entirely chemically produced, and the preservatives in it are reputed to be stronger than formaldehyde. Velveeta was once PPCFS, but has moved up the pyramid to Level 3 (PPCF). Cheez Whiz is PPCFS. A number of people have drawn images of the Blessed Virgin on their basement walls with PPCFS from spray cans, and have made quite a lot of money.

But…that’s right. Some of it doesn’t meet the standards for retail-saleable PPCFS. The rejected barrels are sold to factors from other shops, which take them in, and melt them down, and add oil, and chemicals, and further processing, and thereby produce…

Well, it doesn’t really have a name, and it doesn’t need one, either, because all of it is consumed by a single company.

“And Kevin,” the uncle rumbled, “would you like to guess what that company is?”

Little Kevin swallowed and shook his head.

“It’s the Kraft Company, Kevin.”

OOF. Please, I beg of you, don’t anybody tell my kid about this, ‘kay? A diehard devotee of boxed mac ’n’ (kinda-sorta-somewhat, more or less) cheese from an early age, she’s liable to resort to drastic measures if she ever gets wind of it, up to and including mass murder.

The above excerpt is from an old 2007 (!) Porretto post that somehow got by me the first time around; happily, though, Bayou Peter caught it. Or, y’know, UNhappily, as the case may be.

PRO TIP: Back when I was still able to bestir myself now and then to whip up some honest to God scratch-made macaroni and cheese, I came up with a concoction I dubbed Tex-Mex Mac & Cheese, made with one (1) can of Original Recipe Ro-tel (my perennial standby; like the iconic Texas Pete hot sauce, it makes ANYTHING better); cheddar and Monterey Jack cheeses; pasta shells or ziti (NOT elbow macaroni, unless I had nothing else on hand); and thick-sliced, hefty hunks of Zatarain’s andouille sausage in portions generous enough to draw a sigh of blissed-out contentment from even the most decadent of bipedal root-hogs.

Delicious as it was, and it assuredly was, I never could persuade Madeleine to so much as try the stuff, alas. In those days, she didn’t care much for andouille, whereas tomatoes in any way, shape, or form—canned or fresh off the vine, sliced, diced, chopped, pureed, or etc—were completely out of the question.

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Cracked

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Sorry, not seeing the issue here. Or anything at all out of the ordinary, for that matter.

Meet the Little-Known Activist Group That Has Tens of Thousands of Doctors Registering Patients To Vote
From psychiatric hospitals to the NICU, clinical settings have become political battlegrounds.

Many patients at the Pennsylvania Psychiatric Institute, an 89-bed facility affiliated with Pennsylvania State University, suffer from schizophrenia, substance abuse, depression, or bipolar disorder. They cannot complete the “activities of daily living,” the hospital’s inpatient clinic states. Some are “suicidal, aggressive, or dangerous to themselves or others.”

During their stay, which is often involuntary, patients participate in group counseling, learn strategies for stress management, have their medication adjusted, and interact with therapy animals.

They can also partake in a less orthodox therapeutic activity: registering to vote.

Located in a swing state that could decide the 2024 election, the hospital asks psychiatric inpatients, regardless of diagnosis, if they would be interested in “voter registration tools” that let them check their nearest polling station and register to vote online. Patients can also request a mail-in ballot with “assistance” from hospital staff, according to a pair of papers about the project, which began in 2020.

Since then, the hospital has continued registering patients—even those who are not near discharge and have not yet been stabilized—on the grounds that voting, as the institute puts it, is a “therapeutic tool” that “helps empower patients and makes them feel good.”

“Voting is an important part of the recovery process,” Julie Graziane, a geriatric psychiatrist who leads the hospital’s civic engagement efforts, said in a press release. Neither she nor Ruth Moore, the hospital’s head of community engagement, responded to requests for comment.

I repeat: what’s the big deal? Since when is it any big surprise that D卐M☭CRATs are barking-at-the-moon lunatics, pray tell? Candidates; Party officials and staffers; officeholders at every level; interns; Enemedia yap-dogs; canvassers; voters—it’s a case of like calling to like, seems to me, they’re all bugfuck nuts.

(Via Ace)

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I don’t think this is quite what GEN McAuliffe meant by “Nuts!”

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Having mentioned a certain deranged lunatic in tonight’s Eyrie outing, I figure one good dementoid spazz-out deserves another. Enjoy, folks.


So very much I could say about this howlingly funny Manwoman and his parodically-overwrought misrepresentation of how a real woman typically conducts herself, but somehow I shall restrain myself. Do stick with it until the freaky-deaky geek removes his wig and hurls it to the ground; unlikely as it may seem, things don’t really get rolling until that point.

Say it with me, people: perfectly sane, healthy, and as one-hunnerd percent gin-yoo-wine normal as you, me, or anybody else.

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Best. Scam. EVAR

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A warning from Lakeside Joe.

This may well be the greatest scam of the year – it even happened to me. Two pretty hot looking blonde Russian babes come over to your truck while you are getting the boat out of the water. Without saying a word, they both start cleaning your boat with sponge and soapy water, with their broobs almost falling out of their skimpy dresses. It’s impossible not to check ’em out.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say no thanks and instead ask you for a ride to the 24 hour Racetrack a couple of miles down the road so they can get smokes and a cold drink. You agree and they get in the backseat.

Then on the way, they pull their dresses down, then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet, so tell your boaty buddies to be careful. I had my wallet stolen July 4th, 9th, twice on the 15th, and then again yesterday morning. 

Oh – juss’ so ya know, Walmart sells wallets for only $7.00. Juss’ sayin’…

Pay heed, boat enthusiasts, and don’t get stung like poor Joe did. Unless, y’know, the opportunity should present itself. Further advice: Buy stock in WalMart, or any other place that sells wallets El Cheapo.

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Another one bites the dust

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I must admit, I’d like it a lot better if one of ours had shot his sorry ass, pour encourager les autres. But what the hell, any dead violent Leftist is a good violent Leftist, so we takes what we gets.

Suspect, 22, who allegedly ran over Mich. Trump supporter, 80, with ATV kills himself: report
A Michigan man suspected of running down an 80-year-old with an ATV in a politically motivated attack has been found dead by apparent suicide, according to reports.

The 22-year-old suspect was found in his home with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound on Monday, after having called police looking to confess, according to WLUC.

“Send someone to pick me up,” the unidentified suspect told cops, who responded to his Quincy home and found him dead.

The suspect had accosted the elderly man as he placed pro-Donald Trump signs in his yard, initially ripping them up while speeding by on the ATV.

When the victim tried to put the signs back, the suspect ran him down with the ATV and fled.

Prior to the vicious attack, the suspect was seen smashing car windows and slashing tires.

Now, there will assuredly be those who will think it just too, too horrid of me not to mourn the “tragic” loss of this vicious, clearly disturbed Lefty goblin. Hate it for ‘em, I really do, but far as I’m concerned his death is cause for celebration, not sorrow—him, and all others like him.

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Vengeance is mine

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Sayeth Southwest Airlines, and it’s pretty gol-danged schweet.

Apparently, it could be a genuine, bona fide SWA Tweet. Although the linked article pooh-poohs that out of hand, saying that SWA hasn’t posted anything at all on X since January in favor of (UGHHGAGBLECCHHH!) Instagram, I’m with Fox Mulder: I WANT to believe! Whoever is behind this, GREAT one, guys.

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BEST. POLITICAL CONVENTION. EVARRRR!!!

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Whatcha gonna do indeed.



Gott-damn SKIPPY. PREACH it, Hulkster!!! Much, much more of this incredibly good, tasty stuff at Twitchy. In response to the too-predictable D卐M☭CRAT sniffing, eyerolling, and contemptuous pearl-clutching for the Hulkster’s basic Not One Of Us, Dearie gauche-i-tivity—Harry Sisson’s lame-O bitch, piss, and moaning being the pluperfect example*—NotKenny Rogers puts it best:


You and me both, brother. You and me both.

* “No serious conversation on policy,” Harry? RILLY?!? Your corpse-tastic cadaver can’t manage to groan out a complete sentence betwixt the snot-bubbles and rivulets of drool even after his handlers have hit him with BOTH paddles, you sniveling sissymary. PRO TIP: Take close, careful note of Trump’s easygoing, beaming merriment at Hulk’s star-turn (at the end of @3YearLetterman’s post) and remember something: He who laughs last laughs best. And, in the theater of the absurd that national politics in Amerika v2.0 has become, he who laughs best will almost certainly win the race.

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