Category: MUAHAHAHAHA!

GIVE TIL IT HURTS!

Just another Biden fuckup

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Not so much, this time out. After all, to him and all the rest of his scum-gargling radical Left ilk, she IS dead now.

Biden suggests very alive former Rep. Gabby Giffords is dead after bizarre remark: ‘Nothing wrong with me’
President Biden appeared to suggest Friday that former Rep. Gabby Giffords (D-Ariz.) is either dead or divorced— and no longer his friend — in an apparent gaffe shortly after he told members of a Native American community that there is “nothing wrong with me.”

“Thank you to Sen. Mark Kelly, a great friend — who also was married to an incredible woman who was my friend,” the 81-year-old president told the Gila River Indian Community, just south of Phoenix. 

Kelly, a Democratic senator from Arizona, has been married to Giffords — who is very much alive — since 2007.

Explanatory backstory for my above punchline—in reference not to Giffords but to Wonder Woman Tulsi Gabbard, which is probably the person Stupefied Jaux thought he was talking about anyway. Or talking TO, perhaps; who even knows anymore with that addled, staggerlicious old feeb. In any event, I’ve had this one sitting in an open tab for a cpl-three days now, and I’m a-gonna use it, by gum.

Tulsi Gabbard announces that she’s ‘joining the Republican Party’ at Trump rally
GREENSBORO, N.C. – Former Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard announced Tuesday that she’s “joining the Republican Party.”

Gabbard, a former Democrat and independent, made the declaration during a North Carolina rally for former President Donald Trump, as the GOP nominee for president – her inspiration for making the party switch – stood nearby.

“The Democrat Party has no home for people like us, but we do have a home in the Republican Party – where we are welcomed with open arms by President Trump and so many of you who love our country,” Gabbard said. 

“And it is because of my love for our country and specifically because of the leadership that President Trump has brought to transform the Republican Party and bring it back to the party of the people, and the party of peace, that I’m proud to stand here with you today, with President Trump, and announce that I’m joining the Republican Party,” she declared. 

Trump, 78, later noted that he wasn’t expecting Gabbard’s announcement. 

“Wow, that was a surprise,” the former president said, calling it a “great honor” to have influenced Gabbard to join the ranks of the GOP. 

Well said, Tulsi, and good on ya for it. Don’t look now, but there may well be another, more apposite reason for Gabbard’s sudden switcheroo, and America’s Only Trustworthy News Source knows what it is.

Tulsi Gabbard Finally Realizes She’s Far Too Attractive To Be A Democrat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — There was great rejoicing in the GOP yesterday as former Democrat Tulsi Gabbard finally realized that she’s far too good-looking to be a Democrat.

Sources close to Gabbard say the realization was a long time in coming, but that she finally decided to switch sides after realizing that she didn’t blend in at all.

“I’d felt very out of place for a while now,” Gabbard said as she announced she was now a Republican. “Everyone around me was either a creepy perv like Walz or a mummy like Pelosi or some uggo like Kamala. And then half of the Dems were just trans and pretending to be the other gender, honestly. I’m just glad to be joining the party with all the lookers, you know? Finally settled that one. Second Amendment, can I get an amen?”

Attractiveness experts agreed that Gabbard no longer had a place among the “sea of androgynous bags” that make up the Democrat Party. “We’re so glad she finally realizes how gorgeous she is,” said attractiveness expert Bubbs Bronson from Fort Wayne, Indiana. “Easy on the eyes, that’s for sure!”

The smokin’ hot, intellectually agile, leggily sexadelic, and unashamedly patriotic Ms Gabbard is certainly a breed apart from the blubberous manatees; bloated bipedal hippopotami; green-bewigged Manwomen; bong-ripping, dorm-dwelling Reluctant Femmes sporting nasty, smelly white-girl dreads; and mange-rife screech monkeys which constitute pretty much the complete taxonomy of feminine “pulchritude” in today’s D卐M☭CRAT Party. Not since the famously fugly Mrs Franklin D Roosevelt have we beheld such a gorge-raising gaggle of fairer-sex gargoyleens. Gruesomighty! Next to these present-day specimens, even Her Herness HILLARY!© Clinton begins to look pretty darn fetching.

So welcome aboard, T, we’re mighty glad to have ya with us adorning the side of good ol’ Truth, Justice, and the American Way; far as I’m concerned, you’re making us look better already. And it’s early days yet; if we can persuade you to reconsider some of your holdover Leftist ideas and opinions in the days and years to come, our joy will be boundless. Not that looks are everything, of course. Then again, they aren’t exactly nothing, either. Certainly, in politics as in many other aspects of life on this here blue marble of ours, they don’t hurt.

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Troll level: Samurai

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Just may be the funniest thing you’ll see all week.

As Rush Limbaugh used to say, he’s living in shitlib heads rent-free. Mollie Hemingway, for one, is grateful for our Media overlords’ kindness and consideration in refusing to allow this evil spawn of Satan and Hitler—LITERALLY!—to pull the wool over Amerikan eyes:

Mollie @MZHemingway

Where would we be without corporate media telling us that Donald Trump is *not* an actual McDonald’s employee and is *not* currently rostered with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Said a mouthful there, Moll. Mary the K Ham, for her part, is having some trouble grokking it all.


Ahh, but not all is sweetness, light, beef-tallow fries, and Terrible Towels in Trumpland, I’m afraid.

Oh dear. It would seem that even into the life of the world’s wealthiest burger-flipper, some rain must fall.

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DeSantis delivers

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Ron the Great slaps ‘em down again, and it’s a joy and a wonder to behold.


PREACH it, Guv. “Show more” transcript:

“The chance of me virtue signaling for people in the media is zero. So, do not count on that. I do not subscribe to your religion.”

“I get you have an agenda, I understand that. I think you should be more honest about what that would mean for people: taxing them to smithereens, stopping oil and gas, making people pay dramatically more…we would collapse as a country.”

And that’s the whole story. Hit ‘em again, Gov, harder and in the head this time—I think I see one of the shitlib pieces o’ shite still crawling around under that pile of stinking corpses.

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Dog bites man

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Liberalism delenda est.

Halperin: Trump Win Will Trigger ‘Unprecedented and Hideous’ Mental Health Crisis
Many have been wondering how the left will take it if Donald Trump wins the 2024 election. According to veteran political analyst Mark Halperin, a Trump-Vance victory will trigger “the greatest mental health crisis in the history of the country.”

Halperin sat in on Tucker Carlson’s show this week for a wide-ranging discussion. When Carlson asked him what he thought would happen if Trump wins, Halperin predicted a psychological holocaust on the left that would fall somewhere between “The Purge” and the zombie apocalypse.

“I say this not flippantly,” began Halperin. “I think it will be the cause of the greatest mental health crisis in the history of the country. I think tens of millions of people will question their connection to the nation, their connection to other human beings, their connection to their vision of what their future — for them and their children — could be like. And I think that it will require an enormous amount of access to mental health professionals. I think it’ll lead to trauma in the workplace. I think there’ll be some degree of —“

At this point, an incredulous Carlson asked Halperin if he was being serious.

“A hundred percent serious. A hundred percent serious,” the political prognosticator assured him. Then he returned to his litany. “I think there’ll be alcoholism, there’ll be broken marriage—“

“What?” interjected the host. 

“Yeah. They think he’s the worst person possible to be president,” Halperin explained. “And, having won by the hand of Jim Comey and fluke in 2016, and then [Trump] performed in office for four years, and denied who won the election last time, and January 6 — the fact that, under a fair election, America chose, by the rules pre-agreed to, Donald Trump again, I think it will cause the biggest mental health crisis in the history of America.”

From there, the light-hearted banter delved into speculation about the potential for violence. “Yeah, I think there’ll be some violence,” Halperin confirmed. “I think there’ll be workplace fights. There’ll be fights at kids’ birthday parties. I think there’ll be protests that will turn violent. I hope they’re not, but I think there will be some.’

The seasoned analyst went on to plumb the nature of the imminent despair of the American left. “I think it will be less anger and more a failure to understand how it could happen. You know, like the death of a child, or your spouse announcing that she’s a lesbian and she’s leaving you for your best friend — like something that’s so traumatic that it is impossible for even the most mentally healthy person to truly process and incorporate into their daily life.” 

The most mentally healthy Democrat, he should have specified. Republicans and patriots face political defeat and alienation from their own country on a regular basis without going bonkers.

SO—shitlib D卐M☭CRATs will flip out, go insane, and generally run amok if Trump “wins” the “election,” eh? And we’re supposed to distinguish this unusual, once in a lifetime event from any other day of the week ending in “Y”…HOW, exactly? Thorne concludes:

Should a Trump-Vance victory come to pass, remember to bring in the pets and children and lock the doors before you start popping champagne corks.

Fuck that noise—load extra mags, zero rifle sights, establish good fields of fire, make sure your perimeter is well-lighted instead, among other things.

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JD hits ’em AGAIN

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Good and hard, too.

J.D. Vance Destroys ABC News Anchor for Downplaying Immigrant Gang Violence
Sen. JD Vance appeared on ABC’s “This Week” Sunday morning, during which Martha Raddatz attempted to downplay concerns about Venezuelan gangs taking over apartment complexes in Aurora, Colo.

It did not go well for Raddatz.

The conversation took a turn when Raddatz tried to brush off the issue by labeling it as “a handful of apartment complexes,” but Vance wasn’t having any of it.

At the heart of the exchange was Raddatz’s pushback on Donald Trump’s remarks about violent gangs in American communities, which the mayor of Aurora, Colorado, has downplayed. Raddatz couldn’t quite get her narrative straight, however.

“He’s making these statements that the mayor is flat out disputing,” Raddatz said of Trump.

But Vance, quick to catch the spin, responded: “Well, Martha, you just said the mayor said they were exaggerated,” to which Raddatz attempted to cover herself, by saying they were “roughly exaggerated.”

And that’s when Raddatz really stepped in it.

“Senator Vance, I’m gonna stop you because I know exactly what happened,” she claimed. “I’m gonna stop you. The incidents were limited to a handful of apartment conflicts apartment complexes, and the mayor said our dedicated police officers have acted on those concerns. A handful of problems.”

And that’s when Vance pounced.

“Only, Martha, do you hear yourself?” he said. “Only a handful of apartment complexes in America were taken over by Venezuelan gangs, and Donald Trump is the problem and not Kamala Harris’s open border.” Vance’s frustration was palpable as he pointed to the broader issue of America’s border crisis and the consequences of millions of unvetted migrants entering the country. “Americans are so fed up with what’s going on, and they have every right to be. And I really find this exchange, Martha, sort of interesting because you seem to be more focused with nitpicking everything that Donald Trump has said rather than acknowledging that apartment complexes in the United States of America are being taken over by violent gangs.”

“Only a handful”—which, naturally, is perfectly fine with shitlib scum like Raddatz and her loathsome ilk, for whom the only real problem is not that this is happening at all but that it isn’t more widespread than it already is. Here’s the vid:


We could do a whole lot worse than JD Vance as Veep, or even President. And almost certainly will.

Update! Slammin’ Schlichter nails ‘em to a cross.

So damnably predictable, this Progressivist progression.

Updated update! Upon further reflection, this story underscores the divide, providing proof positive of the insuperable nature of the fundamental conflict in Amerika v2.0: “people” like Martha Raddatz will never, ever understand why Real Americans like Vance find even ONE apartment complex being taken over by violent, criminal foreign gangs unacceptable.

Yet somehow, we’re expected to find some way, ANY way, to live cheek by jowl with “liberal” shitweasels, as opposed to just exterminating them like the plague-rats they are? And any failure to do so is nonetheless OUR fault and not theirs, because “racist bigots,” or “Trump is Literally Hitler,” or some other such folderol? Sorry, NO.

In JK Rowling’s fantastic Harry Potter series, Professor Trelawney’s cryptic prophecy regarding Harry and Lord Voldemort includes a line that really says it all: Neither can live while the other survives. That’s as good a summary of the current contretemps as I can think of right offhand.

They’d probably object to me saying so in this context, but the lyrics of this thoroughly awesome Disturbed song fit the bill pretty neatly.

“Turned into someone who cannot be preyed upon…” If they fear anything at all, that would have to be it, in my estimation.

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Take ’em out, take ’em out, take ’em ALLLLL out!

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Good riddance to bad rubbish.


Note the secondaries, which would tend to support the weapons-depot hypothesis. No reasonable non-((((JooJooJooJOOOOO!!!))))-obsessed person can say they didn’t have it coming. Meanwhile Netanyahu, for his part, makes an encouraging prediction.

Netanyahu: Iran’s Islamic Republic will fall sooner than people think
Netanyahu claims Iran’s regime will fall soon and envisions future peace between Israel and a free Iran amid reported IDF strikes on Hezbollah targets.

T’is a consummation devoutly to be wished.

“When Iran is finally free – and that moment will come a lot sooner than people think – everything will be different,” he said.

“When that day comes, the terror network that the regime built in five continents will be bankrupt, dismantled,” Netanyahu explained, adding that Iran will “thrive as never before.”

“There is nowhere in the Middle East Israel cannot reach,” Netanyahu said on Monday. “There is nowhere we will not go to protect our people and protect our country.”

On Monday, he released a statement in English aimed at the Iranian people, explaining that “at this pivotal moment, I want to address you – the people of Iran. I want to do so directly, without filters, without middlemen.

“With every passing moment, the regime is bringing you – the noble Persian people – closer to the abyss,” he stated.

“The vast majority of Iranians know their regime doesn’t care a whit about them,” Netanyahu said.

I’m afraid I can’t honestly say as I’m as optimistic about that “vast majority” business as Bibi appears to be. Be that as it may, Godspeed to you, your country, and its valiant armed forces, Mr Netanyahu, sir. If this be “genocide”—which is of course arrant, stark-raving shitspew from the “our natural allies” doofi of the Crackpot Right—then make the most of it, sayeth I.

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Mittens Romneycare, confirmed coward

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Poor widdle dear says he’s afwaid of the big bad MAGA monster lurking under his bed, and personally, I’m GLAD he is, the punk-ass pissypants. Putting the skeer on Uniparty Fauntleroys like Romneycare and then keeping the skeer on ‘em is the first step in putting things to rights in this fallen nation. Or as right as they’re ever gonna be again, at least.

The Fear That’s Keeping Mitt Romney From Endorsing Harris
Republican Senator Mitt Romney, who has said he would not vote for Donald Trump, has expressed some reticence about endorsing Trump’s opponent over a particularly grim worry.

The Washington Post reported Friday that Romney has cited concern for his family’s safety as one of the reasons he has not publicly supported Kamala Harris, according to one person familiar with the Utah politician’s thinking.

Link is to Ed Driscoll’s Instapundit post, not the original item in the New Republic. Because fuck those shitlibtards, that’s why.

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Get up, stand up

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As y’all know, I stopped with the Eyrie-promo posts here a long while back; in all that time, this makes only the second exception to that general rule to date. I truly feel that tonight’s topic is important enough, enheartening enough, inspiring enough, to implore CF Lifers who may not also be Eyrregulars to check it out. The usual paying-customer requirement for commenting has been waived as well, so you know I ain’t playing around here. Don’t miss this one, folks; it’ll restore your faith in humanity, put a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and a spring in your step. This story really is that good, I promise.

None better or more apt than the legendary Bob Marley to wind things up for us.

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Missing person

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That would be one Mr Darius “Sweetdick” Honeycum Esq, currently being sought by US Marshals who would like to have a quiet word about God only knows what. Have they checked under Ass Slangin’ Fani’s bed yet?

There is currently a major manhunt underway by US Marshals for Nathan Wade, the former Fulton County investigator and DA Fani Willis’s lover.

Jesse Watters broke the news Thursday evening on FOX News.

Jesse Watters: Lover boy, Nathan Wade is missing. The House Judiciary Committee, which is investigating Georgia DA Fannie Willis, needs Wade to testify at a hearing tomorrow on their love affair. But no one can find the guy. They’re trying to serve him, but he’s flown the coop, and now the US marshals are in a manhunt to track him down.

“The committee issued the subpoena on Friday, attempted to serve the subpoena to Nathan Wade’s lawyer, who declined, and subsequently the committee tried to serve the subpoena via email through Nathan Wade himself, never heard back. As a result, the committee had to use the assistance of the U.S. Marshals, who have also not been able to find Nathan Wade,” Russell Dye, a spokesman for the committee, told Newsweek on Wednesday evening.

Nathan Wade, previously a special prosecutor in the election interference case against former President Donald Trump in Georgia, has gone missing.

Yet TRUMP is supposed to be the “threat to democracy” somehow, not these sleaze-slurping reprobates. Please see the previous post for more on this; oh, you better bet it’s related, all to hell and gone it is.

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“What Pro Wrestling Can Teach Us About Politics”?

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Plenty. In fact, pretty much everything.

Before there was a Kamala Harris the Frisco district attorney, there was a Kamala the Ugandan Giant who was really just a large black guy (billed as 6 ft. 7, 380 pounds) from Senatobia, Miss. (Weirdly, the last name of the original Kamala was also Harris: James Arthur Harris.)

If you hate pro wrestling, this is the part that drives you batty: It’s a bunch of lies — mixed with a heavy helping of utter nonsense — marketed to the masses. It’s clearly a bait-and-switch: You’re pretending this “sport” is one thing, when it’s actually something else. And YES TIMES A MILLION: IT IS FAKE!

But if you love pro wrestling, this is exactly what makes it so magical: How the hell did this fictional “sport” — featuring made-up characters doing the silliest, wackiest shenanigans imaginable — ever generate such passionate fandom?

Even Jerry Seinfeld was flummoxed. “If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea?” he wondered. “Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?”

But make no mistake, this fake sport makes real money. The WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) has 90 million fans in the United States alone.

They also have a market capitalization of $8.37 billion. The WWE just signed a blockbuster deal with Netflix for $5 billion. It’s one of the most highly-valued entertainment properties in the entire world. Its stars include the top draws in Hollywood: “The Rock” Dwayne Johnson, John Cena, and David Batista. Retired stars like Steve Austin, Ric Flair, and the Undertaker are still commanding the spotlight; Hulk Hogan just addressed the Republican National Convention in primetime. 

This is Big Boy economics.

Why does it work so well? And will its “tricks of the trade” for evoking emotional responses translate to politics?

It’s probably worth noting that a very large percentage of pro wrestlers are hardcore Republicans. Kane, who played the brother of the Undertaker, is now the (Republican) Knoxville Mayor Glenn Jacobs. JBL (John Layfield) portrayed an ornery cowboy on WWE television, but he is a savvy financial planner who’s made hundreds of appearances on FOX News and FOX Business. The Undertaker (Mark Calaway), Road Dogg (Brian James), and Chris Jericho all donated money to Trump. Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan have openly campaigned for MAGA. Linda McMahon, the former president, CEO and co-owner of the WWE, served in President Trump’s cabinet.

And President Trump, of course, is a member of the WWE Hall of Fame.

Lots, lots more to this one yet, all of it bang on. For my money, sports entertainment just doesn’t come much more entertaining than this.

I consider it gratuitously insulting to compare the halcyon days of Eric Bischoff’s wild, rollicking WCW with the sewer sludge of politics theater in Amerika v2.0, but could be that’s just me.

MOAR Destructo-X

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As if being a cop in San Franshitsco wasn’t already humiliation enough.


Hilarious.

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About damned time!

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Trump says “Oh HELL no” to another three-on-one “debate” dumbshow.

TRUMP: Kamala and her group have seen what is happening to their campaign, and it’s not going well for them. And it was announced just a little while ago that they would like to do another debate.

(crowd groans)

Although good entertainment value…I’ve already done two: one with Crooked Joe Biden at CNN and the other one with Kamala on ABC.

CNN was very fair…And they were criticized by the radical-left lunatics for being fair. In other words, they won’t be fair again because they took a lot of abuse from the radical left.

ABC was three-on-one but I was given credit for doing a very good job…The problem with another debate is it’s just too late. Voting has already started.

She’s had her chance to do it with FOX, and they turned it down. But now she wants to do a debate with CNN right before the election because she’s losing badly.

And because she knows full well that CNN, contra what you just said, won’t be any more fair than any of the other Enemedia outlets will. The only way to beat the dirty blaggards is to refuse to play their rigged games at all.

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Chinks gotta Chink

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Remember back when China was known primarily for cheap, shoddy imitations of a vastly-superior genuine article? Nah, me neither.


Jeez O Pete, guys, SRSLY?!?

Via VP, who duly acknowledges: “Granted, they are still awfully cute.” Heh. Indeed.

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