Category: MUAHAHAHAHA!

But…but…but…it’s PRIDE MONTH!

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Pride this, thermackurfas.

Dear Boutique Tar-Gay,

Congrats on becoming the 2023 exemplar of United Breaks Guitars, served with a six-pack chaser of Butt Light (NYSE value: worthless). And as usual, you can’t buy this kind of business-crashing negative publicity. It always comes to the recipient absolutely free, and overly well-deserved. Braindead Tone-deaf Stupidity: Achievement Unlocked!

You idiots are no exception, and equally clueless how you managed to pour gasoline in your own lap, and then try to stub out a lit road flare with your crotch. Bravely done, mega-morons. Your entry into Jackass: Billionaire Corporate Retard Version is accepted with pleasure. Let the games begin!

The bleeding will stop the minute you stop trying to shoot your own dicks off. Over and over and over. And then make a humble and sincere apology for screwing things up so royally, on behalf of a demographically microscopic group of freaks and mental health cripples, and stop! Stop! STOP! pimping and pandering their disgusting agenda! (Clever readers will denote a subtle hint there.)

(Montgomery Wards, J.C. Penney, and Sears Roebuck & Co. would like a word with you about what happens to slow learners in the retail game. Or maybe you still have some of your Mervyn’s former executives on file somewhere. Have a nice trip; see you next fall.)

Heh. Yup; as those once-mighty outlets all found out to their suddenly-impoverished dismay, just because you’ve been around for a while doesn’t necessarily mean you always will be. High time some of these Wokester CEOs got taught that lesson, good and hard.

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Dictionary definition

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STUMBLEBUM (noun) stum·​ble·​bum

: a clumsy or inept person
: a bum, in the act stumbling.

To wit.


It’d be hilarious if it wasn’t so damned pathetic. No wait, wrong…it’s STILL hilarious. Bonus stumblebummery, shot just before the above crowning achievement of pratfalls (CRUCIAL NOTE: so far) in what’s become a long, seriously illustrious career of them:


Yep, still hilarious. As I always say, couldn’t happen to a nicer asshole. In the first vid above, Lyin’ Pedo Jaux can be seen pointing back at the imaginary culprit that purportedly caused the decrepit old fraud to take his habitual header, a “black sandbag on the stage,” even going so far as to blubber a surpassingly lame deflection for it later:

President Joe Biden laughed off his embarrassing fall at the Air Force Academy commencement ceremony as he arrived safely back at the White House on Thursday.

‘I got sandbagged,’ he joked to reporters following the tumble, which has raised more questions about his age and health.

Hardly. It doesn’t “raise” them, it answers them.

(Via Ace)

1

Attributes

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BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

RightWingGirls

I can see several other fine traits in the above pic that are worthy of consideration, but yeah, the no-peeny thing would have to come in first and foremost among ‘em. Sad, innit, that we’ve now reached the point where that would even figure into the equation at all.

Shamelessly swiped from WRSA.

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Obstinate in sin

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Target doubles down on self-destruction.

Target CEO defends LGBTQ-friendly kids clothing amid boycott calls: ‘The right thing for society’
Target’s top executive dismissed the social media uproar over the retailer’s new line of LGBTQ-friendly kids clothing, saying that marketing the products are good for business and “the right thing for society.”

Sorry, Charlie, but as a retail business, the “right thing for society” is NOT your remit. Nor any of your fucking concern, really. Like other Wokester CEOs, you seem to have lost sight completely of what your business really is.

Outraged shoppers posted videos and images on social media showing bathing suits that offer “extra crotch coverage” as well as rainbow-colored onesies for infants and children.

On Fortune’s “Leadership Next” podcast last week, Target CEO Brian Cornell was asked about the backlash to “woke” capitalism, which has also engulfed iconic beer brand Bud Light as well as entertainment giant Disney.

“I think those are just good business decisions, and it’s the right thing for society, and it’s the great thing for our brand,” Cornell said.

Well, we’ll soon be finding out about all that, now won’t we? Here’s hoping to soon be seeing Twitter pics of you standing atop a big-city overpass, all shabby, disheveled, and shell-shocked looking, holding a battered, hand-lettered cardboard sign in your grubby hands, panhandling passing traffic with extremely modest success.

Update! Welll. Well, well, well, well, well, well, WELL.

As Tar-Gay Hemorrhages Dollars Over Wokeness, They Help Employees Cope…With George Floyd’s Death Anniversary
It’s been a self-inflicted very bad week for retailer target. They’re losing money. Lots of money. They’re losing customers. Lots of customers. They’re dumping products after learning that wokeness and Satanism do not endear them to many Americans.

Through it all, they’ve remained focused on their employees which the touchy-feely company believes are all quite fragile. To help them cope, Target sent out an internal memo about George Floyd. Yes, George Floyd. According to Greg Price:

Yesterday was a very hard day to Target, and as CEO Brian Cornell said, thank you for the care you’ve shown each other, our frontline teams and the LGBTQIA+ community.

Today brings more reflection, pain and the need for continued care as our team, hometown and world remember the anniversary of the murder of George Floyd. As you make space to take care of yourself and each other, know that you can always tap into these tools from Team Member Life Resources, and as Mental Health Awareness Month continues, turn to the Take Five to Take Care hub for more well-being support.

BLM is failing. Wokeness is failing. America seems to finally be waking up from the mind assault of Cultural Marxism that has plagues us for years. We need to keep the pressure up because companies like Target and Anheuser-Busch will certainly keep pushing against us.

According to a Tweet embedded in the linked article, Tarzhay’s losses for one week amounted to a staggering 9 billion-with-a-B dollars. So how’s all that Wokester bushwa working out for ya, Mr CEO? NOT TOO GOOD, I’d have to say. But hey, you go live your “truth,” baby.

As ye have sown, so shall ye etc

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Sometimes, just every now and again, actions really DO have consequences.

Michigan police went to an ammunition manufacturer and asked them to donate some ammo so the police could practice shooting. For free. The response is hilarious.

And it most certainly is at that.

NoFreeAmmo 2

Pretty much says it all, don’t it? I’m in full agreement with Divemedic’s closer: “That alone makes me want to buy their ammo.” Don’t it, though. Don’t it just.

3

“If a tree falls in the forest, can you make milk out of it?”

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Wood milk—it’s a thing.

Hilarious. Naturally, the Leftards/vegans/PETA/BIRM are having a shitfit over this lighthearted spoof of their absurd unrealism, which I’ll direct you over to AoSHQ to read and possibly unmoor a floating rib laughing at. Well done, Aubrey!

My, isn’t this word salad DELICIOUS?

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Asked nobody, ever.

‘We Sale Your Bank’: WaPo Reporter Rewrites Disastrous Fetterman Word Salad as a ‘Quote’
To protect the ever brilliant Sen. John Frankenstein — er, Fetterman (D-PA) — a Washington Post reporter rewrote an ineluctable Fetterman ramble and posted it as a quote. Apparently, journalism now means covering up government idiocy by pretending an official is actually coherent.

Fetterman was attempting to question the former CEO of the collapsed Silicon Valley Bank (SVB), Greg Becker. The Washington Post’s White House economics reporter Jeff Stein tweeted, “Sen. @JohnFetterman (D-Pa.) to SVB executive Greg Becker: ‘Shouldn’t you have a working requirement after we bail out your bank? Republicans seem to be more preoccupied with SNAP requirements for hungry people than protecting taxpayers that have to bail out these banks.’” The issue? That’s not really what Fetterman said. Not by a long shot.

As PJ Media’s Paula Bolyard tweeted, the actual quote from Fetterman is quite different, to put it mildly, from what Stein claimed: “Shouldn’t you have a working requirement after we sale [sic] your bank—er, with billions of your bank? Because they see me [sic] pre-preoccupied when then [sic] SNAP, uh, in the requirements for works [sic] for hungry people, but not about protecting the—the tax papers [sic] you know, that will bail no matter [sic] whatever does [sic] about a bank to crash it.”

No, I don’t know what he was trying to say, either. But apparently, Stein thought he understood so well that he could write up what he thought Fetterman meant to say and treat it as a quote.

Well, of course he did; as a fully-credentialed “liberal” “journalist,” it’s simple as do re mi: just insert the standard-issue, Mark 1-Mod 0 D卐M☭CRAT boilerplate, and Urethra! You have found it, as a certain wise, universally respected and beloved sage once put it. Is there more, you ask? Hey, this is Senator Lurch (D-Nuthatch) we’re talking about here, of course there is.

Fetterman rambled like Joe Biden in the White House during the Senate Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs hearing, “Examining the Failures of Silicon Valley Bank and Signature Bank.” The man needs to be in a hospital, not in Congress. It’s a total — and painful — joke that his family and staff keep trying to force him through the motions of being a functioning senator.

”Now they [banks] have — it’s in, a guaranteed, a guaranteed way to be saved,” Fetterman fretted about the government bailout of SVB. “By no — no matter, by — by — by how, you know. So it’s, it’s, you know, isn’t it appropriate that the, these kinds of — this kind of control be more stricter?” Unsurprisingly, his question was met by silence. Then he brought out the above clincher, where he compared Republicans’ proposed employment requirement for accessing SNAP benefits to, presumably, his desire for banks like SVB to “work.” All to save that “tax papers” money.

Isn’t it comforting that our economy is in the hands of bankrupts like Becker and senators like John Fetterman?

Oh no, that’s not so at all; like most Normal Americans, you’re thinking about this all wrong. As has been more than amply demonstrated throughout the Biden “pResidency,” the people who actually DO run things in Amerika v2.0 don’t have faces we’re ever gonna see, names we’re ever gonna hear, and never have to stand for “election” or “reelection.”

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1

Just. Don’t. DO it

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Reason #8,741 why you never, ever, EVER try to rob a gun store.

How do gun shops prevent a person from simply walking in, asking to look at a gun and some bullets, then holding up the store owner with the weapon?
You know, this is funny. I was actually in a gun store when something almost exactly like this happened.

It was a fairly large store, with the owner and 4 other sales clerks behind the counters. I was with a friend who was there to pick up a shotgun he’d ordered. A guy walks in and asks to see a Colt .45 Model 1911. The clerk opens the glass, retrieves the pistol, and performs the necessary check, then lays the gun on the counter for the man. He picks it up, looks it over and says “Perfect…I like it.”

He then reaches into his pocket, pulls out a loaded magazine, and inserts it into the gun, then slides a round into the chamber – all pretty darned smooth and quick. He then points it at the clerk and says, “I’ll take it.”

The clerk just shrugged, and nodded past the guy. He backs off a bit, and then looks around the store. Every other clerk was armed, and had pistols pointed at the guy. Every customer had been ushered quickly behind counters or racks out of the way, without any fuss or noise. When the guy looked back at the clerk, he now had HIS pistol out and pointed at the guy. My friend and I were both trying not to laugh at this point.

The owner then starts walking towards the guy, with his hands up. He’s explaining to the guy how badly this is likely to go for him, and points out that he is seriously out-gunned, and he is definitely NOT leaving the store with that firearm. He speaks calmly, gently…and slowly reached out and took the gun from the guy without resistance at all. He then politely asked him to get on the floor, and told one of the clerks to call the police.

Found out later the store owner was a veteran, and the other sales people were either veterans or retired cops. All in all, I was never worried, scared…no, I was amused. And so were the cops, when they showed up (greeting the owner by name as they came in), wondering who’d try to rob a gun store.

I still wonder about that myself, some 30 years later, to be honest.

A gott-damned idiot, that’s who, and nobody whatsoever else. Period fucking DOT, as Ringo always says.

6

Over the target

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Taking flak.

Disney CEO Bob Iger rips Ron DeSantis over Florida battle: ‘It’s a matter of retaliation’

Why yes, it most certainly is at that. So? Sit back and suck on it then, you twisted, pedophilia-pimping fucksickle.

He’s the Mouse that roared.

Disney boss Bob Iger slammed Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on Wednesday in the escalating tit-for-tat over the special tax district that oversees the company’s Orlando theme parks.

“This is about one thing and one thing only: them retaliating against us,” Iger said during a call with investors after the Mouse House reporting second-quarter earnings in line with Wall Street estimates.

“Does the state want us to invest more, employ more people, pay more taxes or not?”

Not exactly, no, or not entirely anyway. It wants you to stay in your lane as a business and keep your stunted, withered little wang out of the political arena, thanks. Quite rightly too, I might add. You decided to test the limits of the Disney Corp’s sweetheart deal which placed the Corp outside the purview of the duly-established State and local governments, and you fucking lost. Next time, consider waiting until you can fuck around with a less-politically astute, less-feisty governor, that’s my advice. Failing that, find out.

For my money, the truly salient point here is DeSantis’s refusing to daintily tiptoe around a giant multinational corporation based on some sort of misbegotten Repugnican “principle.” We’re well past the point where slavishly hewing to “principle” is ever going to get us a goddamned thing. So to hell with principle, I say.

In any fight with a thuggish bully who’s flush with victory after victory against the Marquess of Queensberry, unilaterally sticking to the Queensberry rules yourself is a mug’s game. Yes, yes, principles are fine things to have…right up until you find yourself in a bloody street brawl against an opponent who recognizes no rules whatsoever.

“Losing honorably,” after all, is still losing. When winning is a matter of life and death, literally existential, then it’s time to recognize that the one, the only meaningful imperative becomes survival. Far better to “win dishonorably,” if you must. And that’s precisely where we are now; if “principle” still means more to you than the permanent defeat and extinguishing of those selfsame principles, then in my view your thinking is badly, badly skewed, and you probably deserve to lose.

3

The antitode: think it through

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How a fully-Woke D卐M☭CRAT—a former Hollywood actress, no less—finally came around.


Welcome to the party, babe. Fellow Red Pillian Elon Musk responds with a funny-because-true riff, to be immediately set upon by the usual jackal-pack of screeching idiot shitlibs bridling at such an uppity display of dissent from their ultra-orthodox catechism…thereby proving the lovely Ms Beisner’s (and Elon’s) essential point far more convincingly than anything else ever could. Good show all around, everybody!

(Via Ace)

Update! What the heck, while I’m posting amusing Tweets here, have another.


Heh. Nailed it in one, Mr Jockey, sir.

4
1
2

The universal language

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Okay, I just love the everlovin’ hell out of this one.


Fookin’ brilliant! Especially at the very end, where the clearly-disgruntled FiQ (Feline in Question) has gotten tired of the whole damned thing, making that sleepy, semi-pissed-off, won’t you just leave me the hell ALONE face that every cat-lover on earth knows all too well.

2

Moar Tucker

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I repeat: If you strike him down, he shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

‘I’M PROBABLY THE FIRST UNEMPLOYED PERSON YOU EVER INVITED TO SPEAK’: TUCKER CARLSON TO SOLD OUT CROWD
Tucker Carlson had a great joke for a sold out crowd in Alabama as he talked about being ‘fired’ and some other things. The crowd wasn’t huge, but it was sold out as 1,189 people showed up to see him speak at the Oxford Performing Arts Center for a fundraiser for Rainbow Omega. Jokingly, Tucker Carlson started off with the epic one-liner saying “I’m probably the first unemployed person you ever invited to speak.” Then Carlson said, “It’s funny. I never give speeches because I’m working. When I accepted this speech six months ago or something, I didn’t realize how much free time I would have. One never knows, does one?”

What else did Tucker Carlson say during his speech? Well, here’s some quotes thanks to AL.com who posted it in a news story about the former Fox News host:

I accepted for two reasons, one shallow and one a little deeper. One is, I do love Alabama. I’m not just saying that. We spend a lot of time in rural Maine, which is so close to this culturally, you have no idea. In a great way. The food is not very good in rural Maine. The food here is unbelievable. I’ve spent a lot of time in this state, and part of the reason is you have great hunting and fishing. The real reason is it has everything that I like. It has really nice people. It has amazing food. I have the world’s worst eating habits and here that’s not judged. Fried Oreos? Okay! I love that. I love the lack of judgment.

The perceptions, national perceptions kind of shift very slowly, then you wake up in the morning and everything’s different. The rest of the country’s view of Alabama is one of those things that just changed completely. Nobody makes fun of Alabama, at all, because they realize actually that’s how you’re supposed to be living. The only way to know what people think about something is to not listen to what they say, I say this as someone who has talked for a living for a long time, ignore the words. Watch what they do. Watch how they live. That’s the only accurate measure of what people really think. Ignore that. Be like your dog, who understands not a single word of what you’re saying but knows exactly who you are.

Are people moving to Alabama? Oh, yeah. I love that. Why are they moving here? They’re moving here because Alabama’s everything that you would want in a place that you live. It has cohesive communities, super-nice people, gentle people, people who care about their neighbors, and it has an abundance of nature, something that we I think undervalue. We went through this weird, kind of mass hypnosis where everyone was convinced we had to move to some horrifying concrete city in order to make a living and forgot that actually you need to see green, or else you’ll go insane. If you’re alienated from God’s creation, you become fundamentally alienated. Nature is the most beautiful thing. Driving around here today, I thought to myself, you think of Alabama, if you don’t live in Alabama, as a place that has a lot of past attached to it. And I thought today, especially reading the numbers about what’s happening in your state, Alabama is not the past, Alabama’s the future.

We’d damned well better hope it is, yeah. Thankfully, as Tucker implies, that’s something that just kinda-sorta happens when nobody’s really looking, or expecting it to.

2

SAVE THE WHALES!

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Again, that is, this time from the shitlibs and their preposterously unworkable “Green energy.”

Conservative watchdogs highlight ‘alarming’ surge in whale deaths as wind farms grow off NY, NJ coasts
Conservative watchdog groups ran a guerrilla-style ad campaign on the Jersey Shore for Earth Day, drawing attention to a surge in whale deaths amid the growth of offshore wind farms.

Beachgoers in Atlantic City on Saturday looked on as a single-propeller plane carried a message waving from a banner — “SAVE-WHALES-STOP-WINDMILLS.ORG” — and drivers heading out of town saw a billboard with the same message and a picture of a dead whale washed ashore.

The Committee for a Constructive Tomorrow and the Heartland Institute sponsored the ads to highlight the potential threat that wind turbine development poses to whales, dolphins and other aquatic life.

The campaign comes after a ProPublica report last week found that federal regulators in the Biden administration have downplayed environmental risks to greenlight “an unprecedented expansion for offshore wind” projects — including tax incentives through the president’s Inflation Reduction Act for renewable energy developers.

Pics of the aforementioned ads included at the NYPost link, and they’re truly wonderful. Well done, guys, and good on ya for turning the Left’s own twipe back on ‘em and hosing ‘em down good with it like this.

2

Dirty blues & boogie woogie

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Whenever I’ve heard some dumbass libtard—usually a 60s refugee, but by no means always—deride the 50s, 40s, or anytime before the Sexual Revolution as pretty much a barren desert in terms of human sexuality, I’ve always just had to shake my head and smile to myself. The musical evidence against such an obviously specious supposition abounds; herewith, a mere few examples that present an airtight case to the contrary, which I’ll tuck below the fold for safekeeping. Trust me, folks, this stuff is NOT safe for work, wives, or young children, not even a little, tiny bit.

Continue reading “Dirty blues & boogie woogie” →

Self-pWnage

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Stephen asks the pertinent question.

Are These the Worst 9 Seconds of Joe Biden’s Political Career?

Worst YET, Steve. YET.

When we’re talking about Presidentish Joe Biden’s increasing senility, it’s difficult to choose the worst, most embarrassing moment of his time in office.

Okay, I gotta admit: I like that “Presidentish” formulation so much, I’ma gonna be purloining it for my own use. Fair warning.

Like most folks suffering from Alzheimer’s, senile dementia, or maybe the long-term effects of two brain aneurysms, Biden has good moments and bad ones. But the bad ones seem to be becoming more frequent.

Honestly, it seems impossible that we’d ever see a moment more revealing than this one from last week. I’m a fan of it, so to speak, because this particular moment didn’t just reveal Biden’s creeping senescence but also showed the world how our pliant press pretends POTUS is compos mentis.

You know, it’s one thing — not a good thing, mind you, but perhaps a less-bad thing — when the American press hid from the world how feeble FDR had become, particularly during the last two or three years of his life. It’s quite another to pretend that a nuclear-armed POTUS is still capable of even friendly give-and-take (with) the White House Press Corps(e).

Put them all together and it’s like the opposite of a greatest hits collection. But as any record collector can tell you, no greatest hits album is complete without at least one new song to force die-hard fans to buy it. And that’s exactly what I have for you today.

Here’s the Quick & Dirty VodkaPundit Transcript (from one of several YewToob vids emdebbed in the post—M):

[unintelligible, sounds vaguely like “I’m a puff”] Florida’s small business… winner… award winner… of, uh, the, uh, business week winner… [slams mic on lectern] YOU WON.

Who won exactly what is, like the workings of whatever is left of Joe Biden’s mind, a mystery.

Anyone still in doubt about just how much relevance the show-office of US “President” might still retain to the day-to-day machinations of FederalGovCo is hereby cordially referred to the Biden Puppet’s obvious inability to string together three words intelligibly. This, mind, with a giant-print cheat sheet in palsied hand. As I’ve said, at this point the Rutabaga In Thief isn’t even in charge of his own morning bowel movement, much less the central government.

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