Category: Be nice

BURNED

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Stephen says, “I’m trying to think of a bad decision she missed but I’m coming up short. The implied supposition that the car dealer has the shopper’s best interest at heart might be the biggest though.” Agreed, one hunnerd percent.

Mom, 28, forced to sell her dream car after forking out $40,000 in INTEREST alone over three years – as America’s auto debt spirals to $1.6 TRILLION
Three years ago, 28-year-old Blaisey Arnold entered a local auto dealership and came away with the keys to an $84,000 Chevy Tahoe.

Despite paying $1,400 a month in payments totaling more than $50,000, she still owes a balance of $74,000 to her lender – GM Financial.

Not only did she not make a down payment, she said she traded in a previous car on which she had fallen into negative equity.

Negative equity occurs when a driver owes more on their car loan than the vehicle is now worth. Sometimes, a dealer or lender can offer to roll the balance of an existing auto loan onto a new one, making it more expensive.

While rolling over debt into a new loan can seem convenient, it can be very dangerous and dealers have been known to not properly inform buyers that they will still be responsible for the remaining balance.

‘Honestly, it blows my mind that I have paid $50,000 into this car and only paid off $10,000,’ Arnold said. 

She told DailyMail.com the loan was issued to her on the very day she visited the dealer – and that had an APR of 10.2 percent.

‘I did not go with my husband and as a female I feel they took advantage of me. They knew I really wanted the car and that I was by myself,’ she said.

Oh believe me, Bimbelina, they didn’t take advantage of you “as a female.” Not at all. They took advantage of you as a goddamn dumbass, is what they did. I strongly suspect that your husband isn’t any smarter than you clearly are—otherwise, how could he stand being married to you?—and the dealership would have given him the exact same reaming you got.

All car salesmen LIVE to see people like you walk into the showroom; as artillerymen have long described troops in the open, you’re their meat—a wet dream come true.

Some of us always say that stupidity should be painful, and know what? Sometimes, it actually is.

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The Cowardly Lion

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Don’t hold back, Chris, tell us what you really think.

Joe Biden Is a Sniveling, Unabashed Coward
Joe Biden is a coward in every sense of the word. Cowardice emanates from him like rotting garbage. Cowardice overflows his speeches like a drain backing up from a clogged sewer line. Cowardice infects everything he touches. The well from which he extracts his cowardice is truly bottomless. To witness it, in its shameless, reeking putrescence, is utterly cringeworthy.

There is nothing beneath the man. There is nothing he won’t say or do to retain power. This is true of many politicians, but most understand in some Machiavellian sense that at least some show of strength, however artificial, is required from time to time. Even Barack Obama had a moral compass that, on rare occasions, would spring to life just long enough to effect confident, decisive decisions like killing Osama bin Laden (you should recall that everyone in the room except Biden supported the move, a point of shame about which he brags).

Over the years, Biden’s media quislings have laughably associated many virtuous adjectives with him in efforts to fortify his reputation. Decent. Moderate. Accomplished. Steady. Lucid. It is telling that nobody, not even the most ludicrous of leftist outlets, has ever called him brave.

OOOF! I gotta say, this one’s such a fun, enjoyable piece you might actually come in your pants a little from reading the whole thing. Not that you should let that stop you, of course. Just, y’know, be forewarned of the possibility, that’s all.

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Moar Jackass Lee stupidity, stat!

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Apparently, the sub-sentient moron never learned the old “If you’re in a hole, stop digging” rule.

In a weird way, Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX) is the gift that keeps on giving, not so much in the way she represents her constituents in Congress but in how when you’re feeling down, out of sorts, and in need of a little comedic relief, she will be there.

When last we left you, the failed mayoral candidate was in Houston at the Mickey Leland Federal Building to observe the total solar eclipse, which in and of itself was pretty amazing to see. The rambling speech Jackson Lee gave ahead of the eclipse, however, was another matter entirely, as we previously reported:

“[Unintelligible] provide unique light and energy so that you have the energy of the moon at night, and sometimes you’ve heard the word ‘full moon,’ sometimes you need to take the opportunity just to come out and see a full moon is that complete rounded circle, which is made up mostly of gasses. 

And that’s why the question is why or how could we as humans could live on the moon. Are the gasses such that we could do that? The sun is a mighty powerful heat, and it’s almost impossible to go near the sun. The moon is more manageable. And you will see in a moment, not a moment, you’ll see in a couple of years, that NASA is going back to the moon.”

The longtime Congresswoman was, of course, roundly mocked over it, so much so that she took to the Twitter machine to respond to her many critics – which in the process made matters worse for her:


So a member of Congress acting stupidly and who clearly does not know not what the hell they’re talking about when it comes to science is not something that should “really matter” according to Jackson Lee, who I should remind folks once served on the House Science, Space, and Technology Committee and the House Space and Aeronautics Subcommittee.

Seriously.

Is there more, you ask? It’s Sheila Jackass Lee we’re talking about here, people; of COURSE there is. Lots of it, as it happens, the last instance of which will leave you rolling on the floor laughing until the tears flow copiously and a floating rib has parted its moorings from the ludicrous hilarity of it all. Now, back to cleaning my hotel room, Sooperdoopergenius!

Update! Moar yet, even.

During a 1997 visit to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California, Jackson Lee, who was then serving on the House Science Committee and on the Subcommittee that oversees U.S. space policy, asked a guide whether the Mars Pathfinder would be able to show an image of “the flag the astronauts planted there before.” When it was subsequently pointed out that the flag to which she was referring was in fact the one that Neil Armstrong had planted on the Moon—not Mars—in 1969, Jackson Lee complained that she was being mocked by bigots. “You thought you could have fun with a black woman member of the Science Committee,” her then-chief-of-staff wrote angrily in a letter to the editor.

You especially gotta love how, after being sliced, diced, and fricasseed for her original dumbassery, Jackass Lee desperately scrambled to cover her wet-brained sun/moon switcheroo by blibbering, “Obviously, I meant to say the sun.” Oh, izzatso, Einstein? And you want to be “first in line” to live there, you say?

Okay then, fine by me. Some smart soul really needs to head-shed with Elon Musk and see if launching her stupid ass directly into Old Sol can be arranged, thereby making Vacuum-head’s dream come true at last. It’d be a real shame to throw away a Starship doing it though, I guess. On the other hand, it might well be a price worth paying in the long run—particularly if we stipulate that four or five other Congresscritters be compelled to take the one-way ride with their “esteemed colleague.”

Never forget: these are the “people” we allow to (mis)rule us.

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Wait, you mean to tell me it’s NOT made of green cheese?

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Q: Is Sheila Jackass Lee (Dumbass, TX) the stupidest Congresscritter EVAR?

A: Probably, yes.

Democrat congresswoman incorrectly tells schoolchildren that moon is “made up mostly of gases”
During an eclipse event at Booker T. Washington High School in Houston, Texas Monday, Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee made puzzling remarks about the moon’s composition, incorrectly suggesting it was “made up mostly of gases.” This statement diverged sharply from established astronomical facts, sparking both amusement and concern over public understanding of basic space science.

Key Details:

  • The comments were made as Jackson Lee participated in a community event focused on Monday’s eclipse, aiming to engage and educate attendees about astronomical phenomena.
  • Lee, a former member of the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology, described the moon as a “complete rounded circle, which is made up mostly of gases,” a description that inaccurately represents the moon’s solid, rocky nature.
  • The incident underscores the importance of accurate scientific communication, especially by public figures, in educational settings where misconceptions can significantly impact public understanding and interest in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM).

Another Q that springs immediately to mind: How is it that this chowderhead isn’t doing a job she’s better suited for: cleaning hotel rooms, say, or manning a drive-thru window?

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Tabloid hijinks

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Proving once and for all that the New York Post remains the greatest newspaper EVAR.

Heh. Not quite up to the lofty standard established by the NYP’s immortal “HEADLESS BODY IN TOPLESS BAR” screamin’ splash, perhaps, but still damned good. In my long-past days as a NYC resident, the Post was the only paper I bothered to buy…and it, I tried not to miss.

(Via Joe Jackson)

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Big Boeing trouble

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Well, THIS certainly doesn’t stink to high Heaven or anything, now does it?

Boeing Whistleblower Found Dead of ‘Self-Inflicted’ Gunshot, 787 Suffers Another Mishap
Former Boeing Quality Manager John Barnett was found dead in a Charleston, S.C., parking lot on Saturday from a “self-inflicted gunshot wound,” according to local police — opening up yet another bizarre chapter in the troubled aircraft maker’s recent history.

Barnett had given “stark warnings” about quality control issues on two models of Boeing passenger jets, including substandard parts and using Dawn dishwashing soap as a lubricant. The 62-year-old had also claimed that Boeing executives were hiding the company’s safety issues rather than addressing them.

“My concerns are with the 737 and 787 because those programs have really embraced the theory that quality is overhead and non-value-added,” Barnett told TMZ after the infamous Jan. 5 incident when a door plug blew off an Alaska Air 737 MAX 9 that depressured the cabin and exposed passengers to open air shortly after takeoff.

Brian Knowles was Barnett’s attorney and described in an email to Corporate Crime Reporter what happened in the days leading up to Barnett’s death:

John had been back and forth for quite some time getting prepared. The defense examined him for their allowed seven hours under the rules on Thursday. I cross-examined him all day yesterday (Friday) and did not finish. We agreed to continue this morning at 10 a.m. (co-counsel) Rob (Turkewitz) kept calling this morning and his (Barnett’s) phone would go to voicemail. We then asked the hotel to check on him. They found him in his truck dead from an ‘alleged’ self-inflicted gunshot. We drove to the hotel and spoke with the police and the coroner.

If you’re thinking the whole thing stinks, we’re in agreement.

Oh, pish-tosh; don’t be ridiculous, you paranoid, cynical old grumpy Gus. I mean, just ’cause the poor guy shot himself six times in the back of the head with a bolt-action rifle, then hung himself, then ran himself over with his own car, then set himself on fire and swallowed a gallon of Drano, there you go getting all suspicious and untrusting-like.

Why, I have it on very good authority that Hillary Clinton was nowhere NEAR Charleston that night, for starters.

Update! Problem: SOLVED.

Boeing Proudly Announces It Has Fixed Malfunctioning Whistleblower
ARLINGTON, VA — In response to mounting public criticism of its quality standards, aerospace corporation Boeing proudly announced it has fixed its malfunctioning whistleblower.

The longtime industry leader in commercial aircraft manufacturing had been in hot water following a string of highly publicized malfunctions and accidents involving its planes, leaving the company desperate to find a solution to its problems.

“That should take care of everything,” a Boeing spokesman said. “After extensive investigation into the recent engineering and design quality issues, we determined that many of these problems could be traced back to this whistleblower. We are proud to announce that we have, in fact, fixed the whistleblower. Permanently.”

Following the decisive action taken to resolve its whistleblower issue, Boeing expressed confidence that it will be smooth sailing moving forward. “We don’t foresee any more problems,” the spokesman said. “Everyone here at Boeing feels much safer now.”

When asked how fixing the whistleblower would solve ongoing issues with the design and assembly of the aircraft, the spokesman offered the following response: “There aren’t any more problems. Got it? If you disagree, you can take it up with our newest board member, Hillary Clinton.”

Heh. Her Herness© DOES seem to keep popping up whenever one of these “fixes” is needed, doesn’t she? I mean, this makes twice just in this post alone. HMMMMM…

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Nuts

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I had just about decided to give this item a miss and not bother mentioning it—it’s not as if there’s any news value here at all, it’s a “dog bites man” story if ever there was one—but…but…but…God help me, I can’t. I just can’t.

DOJ Interview Transcript: Joe Biden Made Car Noises, Often Meandered Off-Topic

Say it with me one mo’ time ag’in, everbuddy: UNDERSTATEMENT. OF. THE. CENTURY.

The transcript of Joe Biden’s interview with Special Counsel Bob Hur showed the president frequently wandered off topic, even making “car noises.”

The transcript, obtained by Breitbart News in advance of Hur’s testimony to the House Judiciary Committee, showed a prosecutor had asked Biden about his beloved Corvette, trying to pinpoint the timeline of when classified documents were moved to make room for the car in his home garage.

Attorney Marc Krickbuam asked Biden: “Do you remember whether it was when the Corvette was coming back after the Jay Leno show? So, in other words, it goes out for Jay Leno, eventually it comes back.” Biden responded, “Oh no, it was, it was in and out for a bunch of reasons,” before starting to chatter away.

“Because it drove me crazy; I wanted to drive it,” Biden continued. Krickbaum responded, “Got it. That makes sense. A beautiful car.” According to the transcript, Biden then proceeded to talk about his car, and make car noises.

“And the worst part was, they said I couldn’t drive it outside the driveway. It’s a long driveway. So I’d get to the bottom of the driveway, tack it up to about four grand (indiscernible) (makes car sound) (indiscernible) (laughter),” it quoted Biden.

After continuing on about how he got involved in politics, Hur finally interrupted him, saying, “So, sir, the material that you just — that you remember having, again, trying to steer us back to the end of your vice presidency and focusing on your move out of the Naval Observatory.”

Biden also meandered off on a tangent when asked, “Did you bring classified material with you from the West Wing or the Naval Observatory to the lake house?”

Biden responded, but then veered off into a detailed description of his office and pictures before recalling a trip to Mongolia.

“You know, I went to Mongolia and, and great pictures. I, unfortunately, embarrassed the hell out of the leader of Mongolia.”

“So we’re out in the middle of nowhere and they’re looking up on the hill and we see this tiny line. You know, it’s a 20-mile horse race with all these kids under the age of 16 on bareback racing to come down. And you know, there are sumo wrestlers doin’ everything they do.”

Biden continued to talk about how he was handed a bow and arrow and he hit a target on a hay bale. After that story, one of the attorneys requested to take a break.

Oh, I just bet he did at that.

Horse racing, sumo wrestlers, amateur archery demonstrations. No mention of ferris wheels, funnel cakes, Asian Transgender Cornhole, or Guess The Weight Of The Roundeye Gweilo-Bastard booths, but I betcha Too Old Jaux remembers all those too, every bit as vividly as he “remembers” anything else these days. Sounds like Mongolia has really got it goin’ ON, don’t it?

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HERE COME THE CANNIBALS!!!

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Y’all ready for it? Because I assure you, it’s coming right enough.

Florida border agents placed on high alert for refugees following breakdown of order in Haiti

Heh. I like that “breakdown of order” business, I really do. Like there’s ever BEEN anything remotely resembling order in that shithole country. When Trump referred to it in those specific terms, he was understating the case. YUUUUGELY understating it.

Border agents in Miami have been told to prepare for a wave of migration from Haiti following the takeover of the country by bloodthirsty gangs, The Post has learned.

An internal agency email leaked to The Post pointed out it is unlikely Haitians who take to the sea and enter Florida illegally will be repatriated back to their home country, given its instability.

The message also warned that one vessel of migrants landing would overwhelm agency capabilities in the area.

“One landing will cripple the station and our ability to respond to other traffic,” the email to agents read.

I’m sure Biden has the transport planes loading ‘em up and preparing to move ‘em out of Port Au Prince already. I mean, as some wag or other has already noted, Haiti is, after all, an island nation, one it shares with their neighbors to the east the Dominican Republic…who built themselves a big, beautiful wall to keep the Haitians out a cpl-three years ago or so, I believe it was. That being the case, how the hell ELSE is Pedo Pete gonna get ‘em here, prithee tell?

More on the DR’s wall:

That wall, Dominican authorities admit, appears to have led to a confusion about where the Dominican Republic ends and where Haiti begins.

Even though the wall faces Haiti, both sides of the structure are actually within Dominican territory, the Dominican officials say, and their military has the right to patrol both sides of the wall. Some Haitians, however, claim that the area on the side of the wall facing Haiti is a no-man’s-land and that even if it isn’t, the Dominican Republic ceded its rights to that side once it built the wall. It’s unclear how far away from Haitian territory the wall is located, but the Dominican presidency’s office said that there are clear markers in the area indicating each country’s border.

Either way, the sudden appearance of Dominican soldiers crossing over the wall Monday led to Haitians protesting and burning tires.

Uhhhh HUH. Wall or no wall, Haitians gonna Haitian, I guess.

As for the cannibalism thing, I’ll let Stephen handle that.

There Is No Cannibalism in Haiti — Or Perhaps at Least Some
On a long enough timeline, every Monty Python sketch comes true. It seems like only a couple of years ago (Steve, it was only a couple of years ago—editor) that I reminded you of the classic scene from “Monty Python’s Life of Brian” that both mocked and predicted today’s transinsanity.

Today, we aren’t supposed to talk about cannibalism in the Royal Navy…er, in Haiti.

“May I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy,” Graham Chapman’s RN officer said to a reporter in the classic “Expedition to Lake Pahoe” sketch. “Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit.”

Western news sources are mostly hush-hush on the issue of people who eat people (the luckiest people in the world, according to the song) as Haiti collapses, but the most powerful man in Haiti is a gang leader they call Barbecue “because of his penchant of burning people alive.” There was at least one video going around Twitter/X of one gang member “tearing flesh from the leg of a burning corpse and eating it.”

The clip has since been pulled.

Some dispute whether or not any actual human leg was eaten or if maybe the video was a year or two old. What doesn’t seem to be in dispute is that a guy named Barbecue (“Babekyou” in the local parlance) has helped provide all the necessary ingredients — random violence, approaching famine, crispy human flesh — for cannibalism to come into practice in the Western Hemisphere’s poorest and most screwed-up nation.

“Rights group Plan International said many were fleeing the capital for Artibonite, traditionally Haiti’s breadbasket farming region,” Reuters reported last week, “but whose residents are now facing food shortages as fighting spreads north.”

Biden administration on Saturday was forced to close the U.S. embassy in Port-au-Prince and airlift out all American personnel. CBS News said the move was due to “escalating gang violence,” which is like referring to D-Day as “an Allied visit to the charming beaches of Normandy.”

Haiti’s prime minister, Ariel Henry, fled the country last week and on Tuesday announced that he will resign. The former was absolutely necessary for his own safety, and the latter seems superfluous.

Ace puts paid to the MSM’s usual bushwa.

It’s nothing but gaslighting 24/7 — inserting US troops into a foreign gangwar is “a common and routine practice worldwide.”

“The U.S. Embassy remains open, and limited operations continue, focused on assistance to U.S. citizens and supporting Haitian-led efforts to secure a peaceful transition of power,” it added.

The former president had to flee because of “unrest.”

“A peaceful transition of power” is out the door already.

Yep, I’d say that ship sailed from Haitian waters long, long ago.

Whichever turn matters take from here, there are two things we can be absolutely, positively certain of: 1) Biden’s offstage puppeteers are even now scheming how they can get as many Haitian savages into this country, sucking on Uncle Scam’s sugar-teat, and voting D卐M☭CRAT as they possibly can, as quickly as they can; and 2) El Supremo Generalissississimo “Babekyou” did NOT come by his colorful nom de despot because he’s a genial, honest, reasonable guy who only wants the best for his people and his country.

Which, by the way, is a total shithole. Yet another thing Trump was right about all along.

TRUE empowerment

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To adapt Jerry Seinfeld’s memorable line in praise of black-and-white cookies: look to the titty.

How the breast was won: The week Sydney Sweeney’s boobs exploded
It’s official. The State of the Union is…boobs.

Florida Democratic Congressman Jared Moskowitz posted — and then deleted — an image on X of a wide-eyed President Joe Biden walking into Thursday night’s speech alongside a picture of “Euphoria” star Sydney Sweeney – the photos situated so his gaze was fixed to her ample cleavage spilling out of a black dress.

Two of this week’s viral moments fused in perfect accord.

When called out by a Politico reporter, Moskowitz responded, “It was inappropriate. I took it down.”

But given the week Sweeney’s breasts have had, it’s only fitting they found their way into the D.C. discourse.

For those not living perpetually online, Sweeney’s au naturale double D bombs set off one of the most brutal, bloody battles in our raging culture wars.

While co-hosting “Saturday Night Live” last weekend, the 26-year-old actress leaned into her famous bust, playing a stacked Hooters waitress in one sketch.

During the show’s wrap-up, she donned a plunging black frock that showed off her girls, bouncing as she enthusiastically dished out the customary thank-yous.

The image of the blonde’s embonpoint boomeranged online, drawing lusty appreciation from dudes.

Only one correct response to that last.

You all know what comes next, I’m sure: the weeping, the wailing, the gnashing of teeth over the unfairness, the injustice of it all.

And then, blowback from the left flank: a flurry of angry tweets including one from writer Ali Barthwell who admitted she couldn’t get past the paywall to read Phetasy’s analysis but called Phetasy’s premise, “fatphobia, misogyny, anti-blackness, transphobia just rolled into one” anyway.

“These weird conservatives are lifting up sydney sweeney for being a thin cis white blonde with big boobs because they are mad other body types have also been on tv,” she wrote.

Actually, Bimbelina, we “weird conservatives” don’t give three whoops in Hell what body types are “also on TV.” What frosts Normals is having scantily clad land whales and morbidly obese manatee-facsimiles crammed down our throats by finger-wagging Wokester bluenoses such as yourself—on TeeWee, in Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues, in Victoria’s Secret catalogs. These disgusting tubs of sebaceous goo have us surrounded nowadays. Lumbering and wallowing across the landscape, displaying more square acreage of jiggly flab than your average WalMart parking lot can boast, they’re everywhere you look, there’s really no avoiding them.

Bottom line? Simply this.

And whatever the societal implications of her bustline, Sweeney seems to be winking at us all, from the driver’s seat.

The ultimate feminine power play.

Heh. Suck on THAT, “liberal” scolds, harridans, and harpies. Normals are fed to the eyeteeth with your bullshit head games at this point, and we ain’t playing anymore. How horrible it must be for you, having the tables turned on you like this.

Calls for a little Superior Dance to de-stress the shitlib Church Ladies and soothe their anguish over Miss Sweeney’s bodacious fun bags—said anguish exacerbated by her polite but firm refusal to bend the knee to their demands that, as a pretty young white woman, she must don the hairshirt of PC penitence and be properly ashamed of the gifts God (and good genes) gave her, choosing rather to enjoy them, to revel in them, even. You go, girl.

Sorry, Big Bertha: contra the sweet-sounding lies those who are using you as a political prop have told you, being grossly overweight is not healthy, not beautiful, not attractive or desirable or “sexy” AT. ALL. Deep down, in the places you don’t talk about at AYCE buffets, you know it’s true.

So don’t fall for the lies. Update your thinking, adjust your attitude, make some positive, meaningful changes in your daily routine. Take charge of your life. Diet. Exercise regularly: lift weights, speed-walk or run, do calisthenics, try a hot-yoga class. Make physical fitness your long-term goal.

No, it won’t be easy or quick; it will require a lot of hard work, sweat, and resolve. But I promise you’ll be much happier for it in the end, pumping up your confidence and self-esteem as you begin to see real results, feeling stronger and more energetic as you progress. Instead of cringing with dread at the mere thought of getting off the sofa and going out into public view, you’ll rediscover the sense of personal pride and satisfaction which comes hand-in-glove with genuine accomplishment.

Once the vicious cycle of ennui and self-destruction has been broken, one thing tends to lead to another, then another, then another. It’s amazing to watch it happen, but happen it does.

You’ll sleep better at night. Your monthly grocery bill will drop, although your membership fees at the gym might offset that gain. Your newfound confidence will re-energize your social life, providing the impetus to get out there and mix and mingle now and then, instead of spending the evening alone in front of the TV…AGAIN. You’ll meet interesting people, make new friends. You’ll probably live longer.

Really, now, what have you got to lose? That you honestly, sincerely consider worth hanging onto, I mean?

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Stump the chump

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Better sit down and swallow whatever you might be drinking for this one, folks. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

30 Questions Likely To Stump The ‘Sharp’ And ‘Vigorous’ Joe Biden
Joe Biden has the greatest mental acuity of any president in the history of the United States — at least that’s what the White House wants you to believe.

Throughout the past week, regime-approved media and administration officials have twisted themselves into pretzels trying to gaslight Americans into believing Biden is as “sharp” and “vigorous” as he’s ever been, despite incident after incident showing he’s in mental decline. These laughable claims come in response to the release of the Hur report, which found that Biden mishandled classified documents but concluded that “no criminal charges are warranted in this matter” because the president “would likely present himself to the jury…as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.”

While corporate media will never admit it, Biden can barely answer basic questions, let alone complete a sentence. So, to bring a little humor to your day, The Federalist has compiled a list of 30 questions likely to stump America’s befuddled commander-in-chief.

  1. What day is it today?
  2. What are the names of your grandchildren? (And how many do you have…?)
  3. When is your birthday?
  4. What is a woman?
  5. Who’s the president of France?
  6. What year is it?
  7. When were you first elected to the Senate?
  8. What are the main ingredients in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Plenty more where those came from, and they’re a laff riot. In fairness to Amerika v2.0’s “pResident”-ish*** Tyrantosaurus Wrex, though, half the friggin’ country seems to be having trouble with Number 4, or at least are pretending to for various stupid reasons.

Actually, it’s a serious situation we’re in, one that isn’t really very funny at all. But hey, my personal philosophy has always been that if it’s either laugh or cry, then I’d much rather laugh.

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Fraud, injustice, and tripping over one’s own tiny dick 101

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The best, most thorough explication of the gaping, tractor-trailer-wide hole in the underhanded “fraud” judgment against Trump & sons I’ve seen yet.

One person who defended the verdict is CNN’s Laura Coates, who clearly doesn’t understand the implications or perhaps even the details of the case.

“Wouldn’t there be many companies who would not want to do business or loan money to people like yourself for investors if they know that they can get away with fraud and there’s no recourse to protect them?” she asked.

“Excuse me, what fraud?” (Shark Tank star Kevin O’Leary) asked. “This is not about Trump anymore.”

“I know,” she claimed.

“When you get a developer that builds a building and he says it’s worth 400 million, and he wants to borrow 200 million from a bank, which happens every day everywhere on Earth, including every American city — every developer is an entrepreneur, they shine the light on their building, and they say it’s worth 400. The bank does its own due diligence — as was done in this case, because they’re very good at it, the banks are very good — and they say no, it’s worth 300, we’re only going to loan you 150 million. That haggling has gone on for decades, that’s how it works.”

O’Leary continued, “And then, in this case, even the bank that was supposedly defrauded, testified and said we didn’t lose anything. We want to do business with this guy again, we’d like to, but the judge said, ‘No, no, no, no, no, no, let’s penalize this developer for $355 million. And if we’re going to do that, let’s penalize all the developers all across America. They’ve all done the same thing. All of them should go to jail and we should stop building buildings.’ That’s what the message is from New York. Even the governor herself is concerned about what this looks like to investors all around the world. It’s not just U.S. domestic. All around the world, people are talking about what happened here. You really think people want to invest money in New York after this?”

Not if they’re even the slightest bit perspicacious and business-savvy, they don’t. Yet more rich buttery goodness at the link, as if the preceding excerpt wasn’t already enough.

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Flapmeat

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Don’t give a tinker’s damn about the story itself, what I really want to get at is the bizarre phenomenon going on with Grampy Griftey Gropey’s chinticles.

See that shit? What the HELL is going on wid’ dat? Did Bribem’s saggy, withered ballbag relocate to hang off the bottom of his face spontaneously or something? My God, it even appears that, as with most boys, one nut is only partially descended. What a whacked-out freak this distorted Pedosaurus Wrex truly is, in every least way—physically, mentally, ethically, you name it.

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Continuing education

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Important Stuffz For Gals To Know 101.

A New Year – A New You
I post this only as a public service. We here at DMF have always prided ourselves with unceasing efforts to help create a well informed citizenry, as with our ongoing Public Service Educational Crash Course Series. This was sent to me by one of our smart-ass loyal readers, whom I have a strong suspicion is divorced………or soon will be.

MEN TEACHING CLASSES FOR WOMEN AT THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER 
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By FEBRUARY 13, 2024

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 2 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs. beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2: Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 AM for 2 hours.

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5: Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video. Meets 2 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7: Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum .. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

More yet at the link, all of it equally hilarious—if not more so, especially nos. 8, 10, and 12.

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Predator popped

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Admittedly, I am of two minds on this one. Two at least, maybe more.

Minnesota mom arrested for alleged sexual romp with two boys, 15, after spat with hubby
From hot tub to hotel room, a Minnesota mom was arrested for alleged criminal sexual conduct with two boys she claimed “she wasn’t going to go through with.”

Marital issues were reportedly blamed for 39-year-old Allison Leigh Schardin’s alleged felonies in mid-January when her family found themselves staying at the same hotel as a visiting hockey team. According to a report from the Star Tribune, after being arrested Thursday the mother of two young sons admitted to sexual contact with two 15-year-old boys she’d engaged with in a poolside chat.

Faced with third- and fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct, Schardin was said to have been discussing her marital problems with team players visiting from Colorado while she, her husband and their children were having a staycation in Roseville on Jan. 14.

When the players had returned to their rooms, the Blaine, Minnesota mom was said to have sent a Snapchat asking if she could join them.

Once there, she was said to have started talking with the boys about “sex and stuff,” got into bed with two of the boys and questioned them about their sexual activity. It was then that she allegedly performed sexual acts on them and asked them to perform sexual acts on her while a third boy was said to have watched, according to the Tribune.

If convicted, the maximum sentence for the third-degree criminal sexual conduct included up to 15 years imprisonment and/or a fine up $30,000 while the penalty for fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct maxed out at ten years imprisonment and/or a fine up to $20,000.

Her first court appearance was scheduled for Monday.

Okay, okay, I realize it was wrong of this dame to betray the trust bestowed on her by the Minneapolitans who put her in a position of responsibility she was patently unsuited for. I get all that, honestly I do. Nonetheless, I also remember what I was like when I was a fifteen-year-old boy; after seeing Schardin’s pic, I also know how delighted I would’ve been to…well, just take a look yourself.

See what I mean? At fifteen, if I’d had a romp with a hottie like that I woulda been fairly busting with pride, eager to dash right out and brag about the experience to any and every one of my peers who was willing to hear me out, right down to the last sweaty detail. I’m sure my mom and dad would’ve felt otherwise about it, of course, and would certainly have made their displeasure known to every authority figure within reach. But still.

The boys will have a ready-made audience at their high school, waiting for them with bated breath. They’ll be at the center of a sizable crowd whenever the grown-ups aren’t around, all a-twitter and expectant, primed to hear the thrilling tale told again and again. Hell, all the other boys will treat them like heroes, I don’t doubt. A solid percentage of the girls will probably despise them, sincerely and heatedly. Many will act as if they do for appearance’s sake, but will secretly find the taboo tryst darkly exciting, even compelling, ample cause not to shun them but to quietly seek them out.

As the old-school bikers liked to say, the ladies do love an outlaw, like a little boy loves a stray dog. From my own life-experience, I can confirm that this assessment is essentially true and accurate, if perhaps not universally so. As y’all CF Lifers© may recall, I effusively sung a jubilee of praise for such ladies many years back, in the post that first brought this humble, hitherto-unknown little websty to prominence when my friend and fellow OG-blogger Stephen Green linked to it at his pre-PJM Vodkapundit hang.

15 years and/or 30k? A felony, ferchrissake? All this for taking advantage—however unrighteous—of teenage horndogs who I guaran-damn-tee you do NOT see themselves as “victims” in any way, shape, or form, and probably never will? Who will more likely cherish fond memories of their youthful illicit adventure for the rest of their days; won’t be haunted by a moment’s remorse or regret; and will smile softly and slyly to themselves every time the memory pops into mind?

I dunno. As wrong as this MILF’s actions were; as psychologically/emotionally askew as she appears to be; as surpassingly unwise, injudicious, and just plain reckless as she inarguably is, that seems to me a mite harsh. If the punishment is supposed to fit the crime, I’m thinking the scales are way out of balance in this particular instance. Could be that’s just me though, I do admit it. But still.

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