Damn that’s funny!

Truth hurts

Posted on June 14, 2021June 14, 2021 by Mike

The Turkish DNA Project, an online endeavor to track Turkish genetics, is enraged at the popular genealogy site Ancestry.com and has called for it to be boycotted for stating an inconvenient truth: many, and possibly most, modern Turks are the descendants of the Greeks who once formed the overwhelming majority of the population of the land that is now Turkey. In this as in so many other instances, the truth hurts, but that doesn’t make it any less the truth.

Greek City Times reported that the Turkish DNA Project tweeted: “AncestryDNA prioritizes to demonize the Turkish people and delegitimaze [sic] their presence in Turkey rather than giving information about the genetic structure of the relevant population.” The Turkish DNA Project called upon “all Turks to boycott this company: Ancestry.”

After Greek City Times called attention to the tweet, the Turkish DNA Project took it down, but it still has up a retweet calling for a boycott of Ancestry.com, as well as a tweet fulminating with incandescent rage against Greek City Times’ Athens Bureau chief Paul Antopoulos, whom it calls a “white supremacist.” Very original line of attack you got there, guys.

Greek City Times explained that the Turkish group was enraged “because Ancestry.com correctly highlighted that many Turkish citizens are indeed mostly unrelated to Turkic peoples from Central Asia and are rather native Anatolian people that have been Turkified….Ancestry.com highlighted that after the Ottoman conquest of Pontos in today’s Turkey’s southeastern Black Sea coast, the “Pontian Greeks adopted Turkish language and culture, and many converted to Islam in order to have greater opportunities in Turkish society. Ancestry.com also highlighted that another round of Turkification of Pontian Greeks occurred after the second Russo-Turkish War (1828-29).”

This is not at all surprising, and nowhere even close to a false claim. Throughout history, when Muslims have conquered an area, they relegate the non-Muslims to second-class status, denying them numerous rights and mandating that they pay a tax, the jizya, for the privilege of practicing their religions without being killed. There is one easy way for the subjugated dhimmis to escape this state of humiliation and degradation: they can convert to Islam.

(Turkish journalist Uzay) Bulut observed: “Why are Turkish nationalists so terrified of the truth? Because if they face it, the lies they’ve come up with will be shattered to the ground. Through these lies, hatred has grown which made them commit so many crimes against Greeks, Armenians, Assyrians, Jews and others. Then they will realize that by destroying those peoples, they’ve actually destroyed their own ancestors and cultural heritage. The truth will set us all free and bring much needed peace to the region.”

We can only hope.

I couldn’t begin to guess why, but I just can’t stop laughing at this story.

1

Too-fine a line

Posted on June 13, 2021June 13, 2021 by Mike

MAAA! The Bee is making it almost impossible to tell whether it’s satire or just straight-up news again!!

People Who Ruined World’s Economies Gather To Discuss How To Fix World’s Economies
CORNWALL—According to sources, the people who ruined the world’s economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the United Kingdom this week to discuss how to fix the world’s economies.

The very people who implemented anti-science policies that simultaneously did nothing to stop COVID and ruined millions of livelihoods gathered to enjoy their triumph over the virus and talk about how to fix everything.

“We assure you — we will have a great plan to fix everything!” said the people whose plans ruined everything. “Trust us — when have we ever been wrong about anything?”

From Boris Johnson and Joe Biden to Justin Trudeau and that weird French guy, members of the summit had pushed harmful economic policies rather than just letting the people reach herd immunity and go on with their lives. But they’re now claiming they are the people you need to listen to for reopening the very economies that they destroyed.

At publishing time, the entire world was praying for a giant tidal wave to hit the beach where the attendees were gathered.

Prayers: answered. Problem: solved. World: saved.

World’s Economy Saved As Giant Crack In Earth Swallows Up All G7 Conference Attendees
CORNWALL—A time of peace and prosperity has broken out across the earth after a sudden earthquake opened up a crack in the earth’s crust and swallowed up all G7 world leaders in mere seconds.

Witnesses reported feeling a low rumble beneath their feet as Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau, Angela Merkel, and others gathered on the green grass for a photo op. The rumble grew to a roar as the ground below them opened up and dragged every G7 leader into the depths of the earth. The ground then closed up over them and they were never heard from again.

“Hey guys, please remember to use my preferred pronouns,” Trudeau had begun to say. “We need to be sensitive to– AAAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Experts are unsure who will be taking over the important work of running the planet, issuing random lockdown orders, and fighting climate change in the absence of such brilliant and courageous leaders.

“This is such a disaster. What will we ever do without them?” said 1 or 2 people around the world.

World governments have assured their citizens they will continue the important work of building back better for everyone. American citizens will be mourning the terrible loss this weekend with backyard barbecues.

After the celebration, what we should be doing is taking concrete steps to prevent any Ruling Class as reprehensible, incompetent, and arrogant as this one from reconstituting itself and rising to power ever, ever again.

1

International laughingstock

Posted on June 11, 2021June 11, 2021 by Mike

Pretty vacant.

G7 Is More A G6.5 With The Cognitively Challenged Biden In Attendance
The Group of Seven Summit begins Friday with the leaders of the U.S., Japan, Germany, the United Kingdom, France, Italy and Canada meeting in Great Britain through Sunday. One of those leaders, however, is not like the others. Which puts America at a disadvantage.

If readers think we’re saying that President Joe Biden is not all there, then we plead guilty. Clearly he’s not. His flubs, stumbles (both verbal and physical), empty gaze, the where-am-I pauses when he speaks in public (even with the aid of a teleprompter he has trouble following), the mangling of sentences, and his inability to recall the names the Declaration of Independence and Defense Department are signs of a man deeply in decline. He shouldn’t be allowed to run a sidewalk hot dog cart on Pennsylvania Avenue, much less be the primary occupant of that street’s most famous and important building.

Yet there he is, in Cornwall, ostensibly representing and aggressively promoting America. (Of course even in his best days of yesteryear, expecting Biden to do what’s right for his country was expecting too much.)

To be honest about it, though, even in his long-since-past “best days of yesteryear” Senile Uncle Gropey was never blessed with a surplus of either intelligence or integrity. He’s never been anything but a stupid, venal, corrupt scoundrel, a pluperfect exemplar of everything wrong with American politics. That We The People would ever allow such a disgraceful oxygen thief to bootjack his way into the White House rather than having him shot on sight should the sleazy blaggard dare to approach to within fifty yards of its outer perimeter says more about us than it does about him, really—none of it complimentary. Follows, a sampling of what the Cousins are saying about the senescent old fraud.

An unnamed conservative Brexiteer said “America should remember who their allies are,” then added that, “unfortunately” Biden is “so senile that he probably won’t remember what we tell him anyway. Unless an aide is listening I’m not sure he’s going to remember for very long.”

“This is elder abuse; the man should go. But what is just as bad is all we get from a new Biden administration, brainwashed by the left; they can trot out anything to him and he will say what he likes. It is just woke nonsense.

“We can’t be serious that this is the leader of the Western world.”

Fret not, bub; he isn’t, rest assured. If there’s one thing we should have all learned from the humiliating insult to the intelligence of the American serf class that is the “Biden administration” it’s that the FUSA is actually run by shadowy malefactors who will never come up for a vote, whose names their hapless subjects will never know, who are interested not in our confidence, our consent, or our approval, only our compliance. It’s a lead-pipe cinch that this didn’t begin in 2020, either.

Biden does whatever his behind-the-scenes handlers tell him to do, signs whatever they tell him to sign, and says whatever they tell him to say; it doesn’t matter in the least whether he actually understands what he’s doing at any given moment or not. He’s a mere figurehead, a bumbling, fumbletongued actor grotesquely miscast in a role much too big for his paltry abilities. He has no more influence on what FedralGovCo does than you, I, or any random housefly buzzing around the WH lawn does. He’ll never be allowed anywhere near the actual levers of power.

All of America’s original core principles: government of, by, and for the people; the right of the people to have a say in how they are governed via free and fair elections; elected officials as “public servants” working in close conformity with the will of their constituents, and answerable to them should they prove to be deficient in integrity, trustworthiness, or fidelity to their sworn duty; a duly-limited, well-run government operating in strict accordance with the US Constitution, a living affirmation of the Founders’ vision that all Americans can be pride of—all these noble ideals have been twisted, degraded, and abused by swine like Biden so that the government entire is now nothing more than third-rate theater, a dumbshow only a true rube would ever be taken in by.

This is the man America elected to act on the country’s behalf in international affairs. To stand up to thug nations, to nurture relationships with allies, to be the custodian of the economic interests of the U.S. Yet what the public gets is a tweeted photo of the unelected Jill Biden “prepping for the G7.”

“Elected”? Exactly how sure are you about that? How sure can any of us be? Not that it matters now; he’s what they gave us, he’s what we’re stuck with. For now, at any rate. The shape this shambolic buffoon is in, it’s anybody’s guess how much longer that might last.

Joe Biden appeared to get lost at the G7 summit on Friday.

Biden wandered off and looked lost.

“How are your meetings going in Cornwall, Mr. President?” a bystander asked.

A confused Biden turned around and said, “I beg your pardon?”

“How are your meetings going in Cornwall?” the bystander asked a second time.

“Very well,” Biden said as nurse Jill came to the rescue.

“Come on!” Jill Biden said to Joe while grabbing his hand and leading him away like a lost child.

Onlookers busted out in laughter.

Another day, another humiliation for Gropey. No sympathy from me; he’s earned every last morsel of it, and plenty more besides. Eat it, Joe.

Flinging some back at ’em

Posted on June 9, 2021June 9, 2021 by Mike

The Bee jumps salty with the shitlib propagandists at the scurrilous NYT.

Re: Demand for Retraction of New York Times Article by Mike Isaac

Dear Ms. Brayton: We represent the Babylon Bee in this matter and write on its behalf. Please direct any related correspondence to the undersigned.

As you should be aware, Mike Isaac, a reporter at the New York Times, authored a defamatory article in which he stated:

Facebook often dealt with far-right misinformation sites that used “satire” claims to protect their presence on the platform, Mr. Brooking said. For example, The Babylon Bee, a rightleaning site, sometimes trafficked in misinformation under the guise of satire.

This article was published by the New York Times. After its publication, the Babylon Bee, in an effort to protect its business, character and reputation against such defamatory attack, made an online post describing Mr. Isaac’s false and defamatory assertions made in his article. Though this same article was “updated” by Mr. Isaac thereafter, the update remains defamatory because it nevertheless maintains that the Babylon Bee is a “far-right misinformation site[] that use[s] ‘satire’ claims to protect their presence on the [Facebook] platform.”

Both versions of this article constitute defamation by libel, libel per se, and the tortious interference with business and contractual relations. As to the original version of your article, to ostensibly support its casted aspersions, it ironically links to another New York Times article from October 11, 2020 which is essentially a profile piece about the Babylon Bee being a legitimate satire website, and it contains no mention of “misinformation” whatsoever.

The “updated” version is no better because it names only the Babylon Bee as a purported far-right misinformation site in its discussion about sites which label themselves as satirical. Further, it insinuates that the Babylon Bee “has feuded with Facebook and the fact-checking site Snopes over whether site published misinformation or satire.” Yet, and as you should know, the Babylon Bee at that time was not feuding with Snopes as to whether it publishes satire or misinformation. To the contrary, at the time of your “update”, Snopes had already retracted any such insinuations with an editor’s note saying it was never their intent to call into question the Babylon Bee’s motives or legitimacy. In other words, Snopes denies that it ever intended to ascribe any such motives to the Babylon Bee, and therefore it is entirely misleading and malicious for you to characterize Snopes’ retraction as constituting a “feud”, for Snopes never stood by, nor does it stand by now, the claim that the Babylon Bee is a misinformation website as opposed to a satirical one. Further, as to Facebook, Facebook has actually issued a written apology to the Babylon Bee for mistakenly characterizing its content as “false news” instead of satire, and thus there is no “feud” with Facebook either.

Therefore, the Babylon Bee demands that the New York Times immediately publish a full and complete retraction of all versions of the above described article. Failure to do so will result in further damages to the Babylon Bee, which hereby reserves all of its rights to bring a lawsuit in this matter.

Govern yourselves accordingly.

Regards,
NASON, YEAGER, GERSON, HARRIS & FUMERO, P.A.

And if this doesn’t work, the boys at the Bee can always just shoot the sorry bastards. Sooner or later it’s gonna come down to that anyway.

1

Gems from a rich vein

Posted on June 9, 2021June 9, 2021 by Mike

In responding to a comment of Barry’s, I used one of my best-loved old Wodehouse quotes. Naturally, that got me to looking around for more of that good, good stuff, which as always I can’t resist sharing with y’all.

1. “It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”
(from The Man Upstairs and Other Stories)

2. “I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”
(from The Code of the Woosters)

3. “There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?’” “The mood will pass, sir.”
(from The Code of the Woosters)

4. “Well, there it is. That’s Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.”
(from Joy in the Morning)

5. “I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.”
(from the short story Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest)

10. “It isn’t often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them.”
(from Right Ho, Jeeves)

13. “Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.”
(from Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit)

14. “An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.”
(from Carry on, Jeeves)

15. “Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French.”
(from The Luck of the Bodkins)

16. “You’re one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It’s a great gift.”
(from The Girl in Blue)

22. “For an author Jerry Vail was rather nice-looking, most authors, as is widely known, resembling in appearance the more degraded types of fish, unless they look like birds, when they could pass as vultures and no questions asked.”
(from Pigs Have Wings)

23. “It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn’t.”
(from Ring for Jeeves)

26. “He wore the unmistakable look of a man about to be present at a row between women, and only a wet cat in a strange backyard bears itself with less jauntiness than a man faced by such a prospect.”
(from Piccadilly Jim)

28. “Every day you seem to know less and less about more and more.”

47. “Prismatic is the only word for those frightful tweeds and, oddly enough, the spectacle of them had the effect of steadying my nerves. They gave me the feeling that nothing mattered.”
(from The Code of the Woosters)

58. “He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.”

60. “She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say ‘when’.”
(from The Inimitable Jeeves)

61. “I always advise people never to give advice.”

73. “The drowsy stillness of the afternoon was shattered by what sounded to his strained senses like G.K. Chesterton falling on a sheet of tin.”

I’ve commended PG Wodehouse to CF readers’s attention here many times over the years, thereby learning to my mild surprise that a lot of you folks are also fans yourselves. I consider him one of the most gifted writers ever; he’s been right at the top of my personal-favorites list since the day my Aunt Ruth loaned me her copy of Laughing Gas and I ripped through it in a day, laughing myself silly all the way through it. I was only nine or ten years old at the time, and had never been to Old Blighty at all, much less the 20’s-era Blighty in which much of PG’s finest work is set. I was wholly innocent of any association with, or personal knowledge of, the habits and pursuits of England’s idle-aristocrat class who populate his books—a lack of familiarity which assumably would sabotage my ability to find anything I could relate to or give a damn about in his writing. But somehow Wodehouse really hit me where I lived just the same, and over the years I’ve gobbled his stuff up like a kid eating candy, all of it I could possibly get.

I think I may still have that old copy of Laughing Gas around here someplace, battered and shopworn though it now is after so many decades of re-reading, travel, changes of address, etc. Aunt Ruth never asked for it back, although I offered to bring it over to her many times. I sure hope I still have it, anyway. Ruth is gone now, and the book would make a perfect memento of the gift she gave her young nephew when she introduced me to a writer whose acquaintance I’ve cherished my entire life.

If you haven’t read him before and would like to give him a try, Project Gutenburg has most of PG Wodehouse’s catalog available for free download, bless them. I have almost all of ’em on my phone; if you need an eBook reader, Moon Reader (also available free) is the one I use, and it’s top-notch. Be warned: Wodehouse isn’t everyone’s cup of Earl Grey. No matter what you may expect, Wodehouse will still surprise you. Some readers find his characters and the world in which they live too alien or archaic, while others simply don’t know what to make of him at all. But for those of us who find ourselves at home in his world, Wodehouse is literally incomparable; there’s never been anyone else quite like him, and never will be again.

5

2

A schooling on freedom of speech

Posted on June 6, 2021June 6, 2021 by Mike

From an extremely unexpected teacher.

NIGERIA BANS TWITTER AFTER IT DELETES PRESIDENT’S TWEET

I haven’t gotten past the title and by god, I already love it.

Two days after Twitter removed a tweet from Nigerian President Muhammadu Buhari, the Nigerian Government announced it indefinitely banned the social media platform and its services from operating in the country.

Twitter removed Buhari’s tweet on Wednesday threatening to punish regional secessionists blamed for attacks on government buildings, Reuters reports.

Nigeria’s Information Minister Lai Mohammed said Friday the government acted to suspend the networking service because of “the persistent use of the platform for activities that are capable of undermining Nigeria’s corporate existence.”

Mohammed compared Twitter’s actions in Nigeria to those the company took after the riot at the U.S. Capitol in January, including banning the account of former President Donald J. Trump, he said during a news conference after the tweet was removed.

“When people were burning police stations and killing policemen in Nigeria during EndSARS, for Twitter it was about the right to protest,” he said. “But when a similar thing happened on the Capitol, it became insurrection.”

Yup. Funny, that. Casa Dorsey, of course, puked up the usual transparently self-serving response, indignantly Twatting “We are deeply concerned by the blocking of Twitter in Nigeria. Access to the free and #OpenInternet is an essential human right in modern society.” Uh huh. Except when it isn’t, right, Jackie-boy? The only takedown of that smug Twittle-twaddle anybody will ever need:

Not to mention the New York Post. Either support the free exchange of ideas or don’t. But when you are blocking people, media and ideas you don’t like, I don’t see how you can be surprised when governments do the same to you.

— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) June 5, 2021

Bang, zoom, ’nuff said.

(Via Ed Driscoll)

Update! Bill has an interesting take:

It was once considered by many that Africa was the epitome of official corruption, even moreso than the Mexico/SA connection, or the FSU, in large part because it was so cheap by western standards to buy official services under the table.

It was also useful that most African nations were despotisms of one sort or another, which meant that you could buy real power in such countries.

Now that the United States has decided to show the rest of the world how corruption should be done, and therefore surged to the global forefront in such endeavors, we may see some African nations leading the way in effectively using the power of the state against the Technocrats of the world.

As long as the greasy shitweasels get taken down, I don’t much care who ends up doing it, or how. As his post title has it: More of this, please.

1

Boobalicious bimbo PWNED!

Posted on June 5, 2021June 5, 2021 by Mike

Matt Walsh totally makes AOC his bitch.

Just over a week ago, my abuela fell ill. I went to Puerto Rico to see her- my 1st time in a year+ bc of COVID.

This is her home. Hurricane María relief hasn’t arrived. Trump blocked relief $ for PR.

People are being forced to flee ancestral homes, & developers are taking them. pic.twitter.com/wnRxLalA2D

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) June 2, 2021

Surprising precisely no one, Toothy McBigTits is playing pretty fast and loose with the truth when she blames Trump for “blocking” aid money for the Porto Reecan kleptocracy.

Two officials with the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) acknowledged during a hearing this week that the agency knowingly stalled sending hurricane relief funding to Puerto Rico after missing a legally required deadline to do so.

HUD’s chief financial officer, Irv Dennis, and David Woll, the department’s principal deputy assistant secretary for community planning and development, appeared before a House Appropriations subcommittee for a hearing on Thursday.

The officials said that the agency missed a deadline issued by Congress to start a process to help Puerto Rico receive billions in federal housing funds that Congress had allocated after Hurricane Maria hit the island in 2017.

“All of us at HUD stand shoulder to shoulder with the people of Puerto Rico,” Woll said during the hearing. “At HUD we are committed to the recovery of all Americans whose homes and communities were devastated by natural disasters, and we are steadfast in our stewardship of the funding and trust in us by you in your colleagues in Congress.”

However, the officials’ defense did little to placate Democrats.

Yeah, I bet so. Nothing ever seems to, does it?

Progressives point out problems, and conservatives solve them. Two days ago, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) tweeted about visiting her grandmother in Puerto Rico. She tweeted out pictures of a sparsely furnished home with buckets on the floor and portions of the roof falling into the living space.

Ocasio-Cortez blames the state of her abuela’s home on Hurricane Maria and President Trump withholding aid. The Daily Wire’s Matt Walsh points out the obvious:

Follows, a pithy Tweet from Walsh saying: “Shameful that you live in luxury while allowing your own grandmother to suffer in these squalid conditions.” But Matt wasn’t done yet, not by a long yard.

As you’ve heard, @AOC’s abuela is living in a dilapidated home that was ravaged by Hurricane Maria. AOC is unable to help her own grandma for whatever reason, so I have set up this Go Fund Me campaign to save her home. Please give if you can. #HelpAbuela https://t.co/F1N0Jxgnxg

— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog) June 4, 2021

Of course, his Daily Wire colleagues stepped up and then challenged other members of their network to do the same…

Dave Rubin and Dan Bongino jumped in. Elon Musk and Adam Carolla don’t seem to have tweeted today. Ben Shapiro challenged Glenn Beck, Clay Travis, and Steven Crowder to join and promote the fundraiser. Other Daily Wire staff got involved, including Candace Owens and Emily Zanotti. At least 3,200 people have donated as of this writing, and the fundraiser is well over the original goal of $48,990.

Matt’s ¡SAVE MI ABUELA! fundraiser rapidly raised more than a hundred grand from generous, big-hearted Rightwing Nazi Hitlerbeasts before GoFundMe called a halt.

GoFundMe has disabled donations to a fundraiser organized by The Daily Wire’s Matt Walsh meant to help Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s (D-NY) grandmother repair her home in Puerto Rico, which was damaged by Hurricane Maria in 2017.

In an email sent to Walsh Friday night, GoFundMe said they were “in touch with the beneficiary’s family and they made clear they will not be accepting the funds raised.”

“When a beneficiary doesn’t want to accept the funds that have been raised on their behalf, it is standard practice to turn off donations, then refund all donors,” GoFundMe added.

The message from GoFundMe appears to suggest that it may not have been Ocasio-Cortez’s grandmother who directly refused the funds, but someone else in the family.

More than 5,800 people pledged to help Ocasio-Cortez’s grandmother, raising just over $100,000 in 10 hours before the fundraiser was shut down. All this in response to the congresswoman suggesting that rather than taking direct action to help her grandmother, the most important role she played in the situation was to decry “systematic injustice.”

Walsh wraps the whole sad, sorry affair up.

“Tragically this charitable effort has been sabotaged by forces outside of our control. Still I’m grateful for the outpouring of support for abuela, even if AOC isn’t. But questions remain: Why didn’t AOC help her own abuela? Why was our help turned down? We are left to speculate,” Walsh added. “In the end, our campaign raised 100 thousand dollars and could have solved a problem in ten hours that AOC couldn’t solve in four years. We can all be proud of that. As for abuela, all we can do now is pray.”

Myself, I’m still praying that AOC will soon realize that her proper place is on the pole, bobbling those fun-bags for an enraptured audience while keeping her yap firmly shut.

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Permission: GRANTED!!!

Posted on June 4, 2021June 4, 2021 by Mike

I’ve been waiting for this my whole life.

What a relief. Umm, so to speak. Thanks, Herr Doktor Fauci!

Lifted from ye ol’ Gorillapundit. Which, by the way, if you were stumped by his add-on Who Dis earlier—and if you were, what the hell is WRONG with you, anyway?—here’s a little help.

Mark, Don, and Mel, baby. Git yo’self some.

Your feel-good story of the day

Posted on May 27, 2021May 27, 2021 by Mike

I think I maybe came in my pants a little while reading this story.

An Atlanta City Council member and mayoral candidate who voted to defund the local police department, had his car stolen by a group of youths this week, Fox5 Atlanta reported.

Antonio Brown suggested that “generational poverty” was the root cause of the crime, and lamented that the kids should have been in school.

The Democrat is currently under indictment on charges of wire fraud, mail fraud, bank fraud involving the purchase of a Mercedes C300, as well as a Range Rover.

Brown told Fox5 that four boys, ages 7 to 11-years-old, jumped into his white Mercedes while he was standing outside of it, talking to Ben Norman, another community leader.

“We tried to go there and maybe try to get the kid out of the car. So, I’m like, what do you do to a kid, right?” said Norman. “He had already starting figuring out…I mean they had plans, they knew what they were going to do. He hit the gas and he pulled out, peeled out, and took off.”

“One kid was in the driver’s seat,” Brown told the outlet. “Ben attempted to open the door to get him out of the car. He fought with Ben. I then engaged and tried to get him out of the car. The three other kids were trying to figure out how to get in the car or stay out of the car. He started to hit on the gas. Ben let go.”

“As he started to speed up, and I knew that if I had not let go, I knew I probably could have killed myself because he was going so fast, I would have started to tumble,” he added. “And I would have hurt him.”

Police said they found his car a few hours later, but did not say if any arrests were made. Brown said he filed a report with the Atlanta Police Department, but that he didn’t want to press charges, according to the report.

Another report I saw earlier today said that the dipshit was dragged a full block before letting go, which I found disappointing. I mean, come on, didn’t any of these carjacker thugs-in-training have the gumption to get a firm grip on Brown’s arm and prolong the enjoyment by dragging him for a half-mile or so? Guess not. But the rich, buttery goodness doesn’t stop there, oh no.

The effects of his efforts to hamper law enforcement are being felt all across the city. Brown experienced some of it first hand as he was forced to wait on hold for five minutes before speaking to an operator. Once his report was filed, he had to wait another 45 minutes for police to arrive.

Any bets on whether the po-po were well aware of Brown’s identity—it isn’t any great imaginative leap to assume the asshole did what these Superior Beings always do and indignantly hectored the 911 operator with a lot of “Do you know who I am?” obnoxiousness—and slow-walked their response?

I’m Rick James, bitch!

Posted on May 27, 2021May 27, 2021 by Mike

Still some of the most howlingly funny stuff I ever saw in my life.

That, of course, is from an early installment of Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories, one of the standout feature skits from Dave Chappelle’s short-lived (2003-06) TV show. The Rick James sketch was always my personal favorite, but the Prince one before it was a scream too…and apparently, as Murphy always swore and Prince and James both later confirmed, it really did happen.

Secrets about Charlie Murphy’s true Hollywood story and pancakes with Prince — among the best Dave Chappelle sketches ever
The funniest sketch on “Chappelle’s Show” didn’t come from Dave Chappelle — it was a gift from Charlie Murphy.

Murphy, who died Wednesday at 57, spent years as part of an entourage around his famed younger brother, Eddie, amassing weird tales from Hollywood. And while most of his stories seemed too crazy to believe, the greatest one of all was the time Charlie learned how Prince not only had a great jump shot, but could cook amazing pancakes as well.

“I swear it’s true,” Murphy told me years later. “I swear every word of it is true.”

In the sketch, part of an ongoing series called “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories,” Eddie, Charlie and their friends meet Prince (played by Chappelle) and his band, The Revolution, at a party.

In November 2003, Marcus Bishop-Wright, a stand-up comic, landed a part in the sketch playing Miki Free, a member of Prince’s band. He arrived on the set the day it started filming. He didn’t know much about Murphy and they had never met.

“There was definitely an air of comedy royalty about him (Murphy),” said Bishop-Wright. “He seemed like this other version of Eddie, the street-cred version.”

The sheer absurdity of Charlie’s story made it tough to film without people on the set laughing,” he recalled. “It was really hard keep a straight face. Dave (Chappelle) was cracking up the whole time we were shooting, he would say, ‘Stop! I can’t believe this s–t really happened.'”

But there was Murphy the whole time insisting everything was true.

“I could even believe the part about them (The Revolution) arriving on the basketball court in those outfits,” Bishop-Wright said. “But the part about the pancakes? I kept thinking, ‘This is where it all becomes part of a comedy.'”

The sketch was filmed over a two-day period along with another “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” about the time he met Rick James.

Years later, Prince and other members of the band confirmed Murphy’s entire tale was true.

“The sketch didn’t even have to be written,” Bishop-Wright said. “The only stuff that was added were Dave’s little flourishes while being Prince.”

Dog bites man, Psaki makes another outlandish, transparently false claim on behalf of her purported boss

Posted on May 26, 2021May 26, 2021 by Mike

Hilarity ensues.

Go about your business, America. Everything is fine at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington.

In fact, it’s more than fine. It’s better than great. The president of the United States isn’t a feeble man who struggles with words, thoughts and stairs. He’s a man of vigor, and there’s nothing at all to fret about.

President Joe Biden is so vigorous that not even people who are a fraction of his age can keep up with him — or so says White House press secretary Jen Psaki.

Psaki was asked an odd question on Monday during her daily media briefing about Biden’s exercise regime. As if there are not other more pressing things going on for the biased establishment media to inquire about, one reporter sought a follow-up regarding the whereabouts of the president’s Peloton exercise bike.

That question, all things considered, was bizarre — even coming from a pool of reporters who live in Biden’s pocket. Who cares about his gym equipment while the country struggles with inflation, a jobs crisis, a border crisis and multiple energy crises?

Sheeeit, you think THAT’S bizarre? Trust me: you ain’t seen nothing yet, pal.

Joe Biden and Dr. Fauci held a YouTube town hall on Covid-19 vaccination Monday and virtually no one tuned in to watch the 81 million vote recipient mumble for 9 minutes.

The town hall kicked off with a man with a full face of makeup asking Joe Biden about skincare products.

Male makeup artist and YouTuber “Manny MUA” asked Joe Biden which skincare product he would bring with him if he were stranded on a desert island.

Biden sat there with a creepy smile on his face as the male makeup artist asked him a question.

“Some sunscreen” Biden said.

Yes, there’s a pic of this fella MUA—whose actual surname is Gutierrez and who calls himself “Boy Beauty” for some indeterminate reason—at the link. Which is where that “bizarre” aspect I made mention of before comes in. But let’s return now to Psaki lying her lying-liar ass off, shall we?

Psaki, ignoring the mounting challenges facing the country, provided an answer that was even more peculiar than the question.

“I will say I have nothing to read out on the president’s private exercise routine,” she responded. “I can tell you, having traveled with him a fair amount, sometimes he’s hard to keep up with.”

If a way could be found to prevent the befuddled old coot from wandering off, he’d probably be a lot easier to keep up with, I’m thinking. But that’s always a problem with Alzheimers victims, or so I hear.

A simple, “I don’t keep up with the president’s exercise equipment, but he’s in good health” would have been a sufficient statement from Psaki. But she wasn’t interested in offering such a simple explanation. She couldn’t simply brush over the topic and move on to business.

Psaki had to tell us all something that surely she doesn’t even believe: that Biden is essentially the standard-bearer for physical fitness and energy.

Never mind what your eyes have told you, or what Biden’s trips, missteps and gaffes have objectively said. Forget all of those days where he called a lid before lunch.

Lunch, hell. The senile, addlepated feeb is lucky if he can even stay upright until breakfast some days.

Earlier today the Biden White House called a lid at 8:00 a.m.

The reasoning that was given was due to bad weather. (This is true there is terrible weather currently in D.C.)

However, we know now that Kamala is keeping her in-person events.

Well, hey, you can’t just go re-jiggering the actual President’s entire schedule every time the sun disappears behind a cloud, y’know.

1

Your feel-good story of the day

Posted on May 23, 2021May 23, 2021 by Mike

“Hot Topic anarchists.” Gotta love that one.

After being outnumbered, Antifa failed to shut down the weekly right-wing flag event in Oregon City, which neighbors Portland except here law enforcement and the district attorney don’t tolerate rioting.

Antifa groups circulated a flyer online last week calling for comrades to counter protest the weekly flag waving event near Clackamas Community College. “Oregon City is allowing fascists to continue and grow their weekly flag wave, if we don’t put a stop to it, they will command more control!” the flyer urged. Clackamas Community College canceled classes in light of Antifa’s anticipated presence.

Friday, the day of the dueling protest, things seemed anti-climatic as Antifa only managed small numbers and gathered at a shopping center near the college campus then quickly left. Portland-based Antifa accounts on Twitter expressed outrage that not enough appeared to shut down the conservative rally.

Police were on scene Friday to keep the opposing groups separate, but there were no reports of any violence breaking out. “The people you call Antifa,” one of the right-wing protesters told KOIN 6 News, “they have no idea what Portland is. They watched Portlandia and came here. They’re hipsters wearing all black. Hot Topic anarchists,” the 42-year-old said to the local news outlet.

In all, at least 250 conservative demonstrators, some armed, protested at the planned event that seemed to occur without incident despite the hype.

That’s because some were armed, and as Heinlein knew, an armed society is a polite society.

Counterbattery

Posted on May 20, 2021May 20, 2021 by Mike

So earlier today, Jim Hoft at GP busted “President” Faux Joe Biden in another of his buffoonish dumbshows, a PR stunt in which the senile old fraud pretended to drive an electric car (an F150 pickup, actually) for a photo-op. Hoft exposed the truth with pics and video of a gleefully drooling Bai-Ding “steering” wildly to the right, while the clown-car continued on in a straight line. In the pics, a second steering wheel akin to the rig they used to install in Drivers Ed autos was unmistakably visible, as were the hands of the guy in the passenger seat who was obviously in control of the toy truck.

Now, that alone was pretty good. But then it got better.

Later today we received this email from a far-left USA Today “fact-checker” who is paid to harass conservative publications.

Hello,
I’m Chiara Vercellone, a fact check reporter with USA TODAY. I’m emailing you because we’ve come across the article published by Gateway Pundit which claims Biden was not, in fact, driving the Ford F-150 electric truck earlier this week.

I’ve read your article and I see that you mention the model Biden was driving has two steering wheels. Where did you get that information from? Did Ford confirm that with you?

I also wanted to ask you if you could elaborate on the tone and motivation to write the article.

We are writing a fact check on this and will be publishing this week.

Thank you in advance.

Best,
Chiara

It is greatly to Jim’s credit that he’s fully Woke (ahem) to what he could expect in the way of fair and respectful treatment from this “journalist” bint. So, with eyes wide open, he decided not to respond with an obsequious, earnest promise of complete cooperation like all too many “conservative” rumpswabs would have—wriggling his entire body with joy, like a lonesome puppy when his master finally comes back home, at being noticed by an exalted Corporate Media outlet. Instead, he returned fire with this decidedly less-than-awestruck blast:

Hi Chiara,

We also have some questions for you as well.

Did you watch the entire video in our post and/or view the photos?
Did you see the second person in the passenger seat with his hands on that wheel?
Did you see when Joe Biden moved the steering wheel yet the car is not moving in that direction?

And what is your motivation in asking TGP these questions?
What are you trying to assess from your questions?

Have you confirmed with Ford on the record their statement?

Do you believe Joe Biden is fit enough to drive a car or truck?
Would you ride in a car with Joe Biden driving you?

Did you watch his speech on Tuesday? Did you count how many times he got lost in his own words?
Have you reported on his mental decline? Have you reported on his dementia?
Or is your organization protecting Joe Biden?
Why do you continue to hide the truth from the American public?

We will also be doing a follow-up story including your email…Could you please provide some additional information?

What is the tone and motivation of your questions?
 Can you elaborate on your motivation for this fact check?
 What conclusions are you trying to affirm through your questioning?

Thank you,
Jim Hoft

Heh. And that, folks, is what we call balling the fuckin’ jack.

Hunter becomes the hunted

Posted on May 19, 2021May 19, 2021 by Mike

Stay on his worthless ass like a bad rash.

Hunter Biden Runs Back Into His House and Slams the Door When Confronted by Journalist and Huge Digital Billboard
Although he has recently granted several softball interviews to friendly corporate media outlets as part of his tone-deaf rehabilitation book tour, Hunter Biden on Monday had no time for an independent journalist who had just a few simple questions to ask.

Hunter initially came down to answer the door when journalist and filmmaker Phelim McAleer showed up outside of his home in Venice, California, but as soon as he realized that McAleer was not a state-approved journalist, “he ran back inside his home and slammed the door,” according to McAleer’s website Unreported Stories.

To be fair, it’s possible that the giant mobile digital billboard McAleer brought with him spooked the scandal-plagued Biden back into his house.

The billboard displayed a rotating menu of pointed questions regarding Cracky McPedophile’s Burisma scam, the Big Guy, and other pertinent topics. After Hunter’s cowardly duck ‘n’ cover, the two intrepid journalists then cruised the rig around Hunter’s posh West LA ‘hood a while before heading over to the Santa Monica Pier for a spell.

The stunt was the work of married filmmaking team Ann McElhinney and Phelim McAleer, who have made the Biden the subject of their latest project, “My son Hunter,” The Hunter Biden Movie.

McElhinney and McAleer were also behind the highly rated movie “Gosnell: The Trial Of America’s Biggest Serial Killer,” and the “FBI Lovebirds: UnderCovers” play that was based on the steamy texts of FBI agents Peter Strzok and Lisa Page.

Before that, the feisty Irish couple took on the global warming hoax with their documentary “Not Evil, Just Wrong.”

They are currently crowdfunding for their new film about Hunter Biden which they say will “expose the truth behind Hunter Biden’s business and corruption scandals and their direct connection to President Joe Biden.”

“Hunter Biden is terrified of the truth about the corruption being revealed,” explained McAleer. “That’s why he ran back in his house when he realized journalists were there to ask him serious questions. He’s used to easy questions from his Hollywood friends like Jimmy Kimmel, but when he’s faced with the serious allegations against him and his family – he runs scared. Hunter may not have answered us today but we will be back and we will have our questions answered.”

Good on ’em for their tenacity and all, but it’s a safe bet these two brave souls will be quietly “removed” by FBI goons long, long before a single one of those questions gets answered.

Green, No Deal

Posted on May 18, 2021May 18, 2021 by Mike

Stilton takes the ever-lovin’ piss out of the Ecotards.

Stilton _ EcoTard.jpg

As per usual at Uncle Stilty’s joint, he follows up with a brief explanatory op-ed.

During a recent hearing, US Special Envoy for Climate (we don’t know if there’s also a Just Regular Envoy for Climate) John Kerry conceded that there’s a tiny little problem with our nation’s “Green New Deal” push to import millions of solar panels. And that tiny little problem is that some of those solar panels are manufactured by slaves (Uighurs, though saying that word aloud in the workplace can probably get you fired) in China. The country which, according to recent data, produces more planet-contaminating pollution than every other country on Earth combined.

So sending them our money to create more pollution seems counterproductive at the very least. But more troubling is that whole “slave labor” thing, which you’d think would bother those on the Left at least a little. But apparently they’re only interested in slavery which happened in the distant past and can be used for current political leverage. 

Yes, there’s more. And yes, you should read it all.

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