Stupid Bowl angst
Wait, that’s this week? I neither knew, nor gave a sugar-frosted damn.
Donald Trump is going to the Super Bowl – and ruining one of America’s best days | Opinion
Ahhh, the Super Bowl. Where families gather to watch the big game. Eat lots of food. Drink some. Party a little. Get together with friends to laugh, chill, hang out. It’s one of the few moments, the extremely few, few moments, where Americans genuinely come together.We put aside politics.
Well, some do, I suppose. Not you though, apparently.
We put aside our differences. We take part in a great American tradition. It’s actually pretty cool. Well, it was. Because now President Donald Trump is attending the game.
In my considered opinion, you’re not whining nearly enough, little beeyotch. Please, I beg of you, do whine more. Put a little ooomph in it this time, if you don’t mind.
Trump is believed to be the first sitting president to possibly attend the Super Bowl. There’s a reason sitting presidents don’t normally go. It’s potentially a security nightmare. But also, to me, they want the game to be the center of attention, not them.
Trump wants to go to get attention but also to show dominance over a league that once rejected him. He holds grudges the way Tom Brady holds Super Bowl records.
It doesn’t matter that Trump is a huge sports fan or has attended Super Bowls before. Who cares. What matters is now. Now, Trump stands for the opposite of everything we love about the Super Bowl. Yes, the game has become corporate, but it’s retained a level of coolness in a way the league itself hasn’t.
Yeh, yeh, whatevs. If you say so, whiny bitch.
I’m someone that’s become slightly cynical about the NFL. It’s grown into a league concerned solely with making cash. And yes, the Super Bowl isn’t totally exempt from this. Of course.
Just now realizing this, are ya? You fucking idiot.
But having covered so many Super Bowls, and watched so many others from home or a party or two (or five), it seriously is one of the last remaining American moments of unity. Not perfect. Not totally. But pretty good. Even people who don’t watch football or even like it, watch some element of it.
Wanna bet, moron? A devout fan of Tom Landry’s Dallas Cowboys in the days of my misspent youth who would sooner gargle semen than miss a Cowboys game on the Teewee, I haven’t squandered a single minute of my time watching ANY National Felons’ League games since…what, the 1980’s, I guess? Much less the hyped-to-death Stupid Bowl extravaganza and the interminable months of playoff games leading up to it. Haven’t missed it, either. I have no plans to make this year a departure from that happy norm. And that, friend, is my promise to you.
In all seriousness and sincerity, I do fervently hope that the incessant TV camera zoom-ins on Trump and his entourage as they disport themselves in whatever posh, ultra-luxurious skybox they’ll be occupying absolutely ruins the whole experience for your whiny ass. Hell, if one of the networks set up a remote camera in your living room so as to broadcast your anguished reactions to your Super Sunday ordeal it might constitute sufficient justification for me to tune in my own self, against all odds and established precedent.















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