Tards – Page 11

Throw ’em, don’t pull ’em

Posted on October 7, 2022 by Mike

This one is too packed with polite, comfy euphemisms to suit my taste.

Last night, as Nick Arama detailed this morning, Joe Biden spoke at a fundraiser and he intoned some grave words about Putin and the prospect of global annihilation.

Speaking at a fundraiser for the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, Biden said Russian President Vladimir Putin was “a guy I know fairly well” and the Russian leader was “not joking when he talks about the use of tactical nuclear weapons or biological or chemical weapons. We have not faced the prospect of Armageddon since Kennedy and the Cuban Missile Crisis.”

How about that for some uplifting pull quotes just ahead of the mid-term elections? A Democrat President asserting that he has overseen a foreign policy that might bring us to the brink of a nuclear wipeout! Say what want about the mean tweets-era of Trump, but our foreign theater presence was not resembling the gameboard of a Stratego match president by a player who ingested a fistful of mushrooms.

But as many awoke today with the uplifting words of the president admitting that he might be ushering in the era of Armageddon, we now learn that maybe Joe’s comments were not fully sanctioned. Kelly O’Donnell, White House correspondent for NBC News, gives us an update from on board the President’s pleasurecraft.

It is jarring enough to see the communications team at the White House actively moving to explain that the President’s words are not the White House Policy. They are literally saying that Joe Biden’s comments are not the position of the Joe Biden administration. But this has become a regular feature with this man, and things only become more surreal with each example.

Joe has repeatedly said the U.S. would defend Taiwan with force. He declared on 60 Minutes that the pandemic was over. This past March Jen Psaki was charged with the job of softening Biden’s call that Putin was a “war criminal”. The White House team had to wave off Biden stating they would pay off immigrant families an exorbitant sum of a settlement. Then there was his infamous toss-away line in Warsaw, where he declared Putin could not remain in power. The next day administration officials had to correct that Biden was not calling to unseat the Russian leader, only to have Biden come back out the following day and declare he was not walking back his statement.

This has been not a comedy, but a cavalcade of errors, and it is one revealing the level of disarray and unfocused leadership within this administration. With the growing obviousness that Joe Biden is not running the show, it becomes a dark parlor game of guessing who is actually at the controls. Many obvious names can be brought forward, but making the pinning down of exactly who is behind this all is made difficult because, at times, no one seems to be in control.

That’s exactly how it’s supposed to work when the “***pResident***” is actually nothing more than a figurehead, a totem instead of a leader.

And how does the press corps of this country not call this out? They are witnessing a man who is not in control, who is not able to stay on message, and at times appears to not even be dialed into what the administration is doing.

At this point, it’s easy enough to see that the only time Pedo Joe is “dialed into” anything at all is when he’s busy filling his diaper with another load, or enjoying his regular Thursday pudding cup. As for the press “corpse” and their keep-mum routine, that’s readily explained: Joe is Their Guy, so they see running interference however they must as not only their job, but their sacred duty.

The title asks, “Exactly When Do President Biden’s Unhinged and Unauthorized Comments Become a Problem?!” The answer is simplicity itself, albeit two-pronged: it became a problem for Awokened Americans on January 20, 2021. For shitlibs, it will never, ever be one, no matter how extravagantly this addle-pated, crooked, daughter-diddling old degenerate beclowns himself.

Vegan? NO

Posted on October 4, 2022October 4, 2022 by Mike

Another tasty morsel from our friends at the Federalist.

There is a strong correlation between veganism and progressivism. Yet, as we keep seeing reinforced, if anyone in the progressive milieu strays from any part of the Official Doctrine of Woke, he will be ruthlessly hounded out of the left to join the politically homeless. Will the vegans eat bugs, or will they face the wrath of the left?

I’m a “live-and-let-live” kind of guy, but many of the vegans I have known aren’t. As good progressives, they have discovered a “better” way of life and believe you should adopt it too. This is consistent with leftists’ view that they know what is best for everyone. They use protest, harangue, and government power to try to shove their way of life up our patooties.

Well, I’m not going along. Here are 13 reasons.

Follows, the list, which begins with the obvious pick—bacon, of course—and continues on from there to include several items you probably wouldn’t expect, before closing out thusly:

Hard-Core Vegans’ Typical Snotty Attitude. Once I was served a meal by a vegan couple. Their meal, if I can recall, consisted of tofu with bird seed, with a side of another kind of bird seed, and dessert consisting of bird seed with a carob sauce. The cocktails sported bird seed. I think some sort of tasteless bean was also served.

We also enjoyed a stern lecture about the horrific consequences of eating meat and dairy and the environmental damage caused by ranching and farming. Typically, when I invite someone to dinner, I don’t use it as an opportunity to pontificate.

We decided to reciprocate, and put up a spectacular vegetarian meal because we didn’t know the difference. The vegan wife refused to eat anything because we used butter, cheese, and God-knows-what as ingredients, and she couldn’t risk instant death. The husband was a bit more gracious, ate some of our offerings, and pushed the food around a little so it looked like something was happening.

These people, whom I imagine grew up eating bacon, eggs, and cheeseburgers, were so locked in their ideology that they were incapable of appreciating our innocently clumsy gesture and graciously dining anyway. This was after we indulged in their avian offering without complaint.

The title alone tells you this piece is going to be a lot of fun, and that it certainly is.

Row it back Redux

Posted on September 3, 2022September 3, 2022 by Mike

Sorry, Joe, we heard ya just fine the first time.

Joe Biden on Friday walked back his attacks on the millions of American citizens who support former President Donald Trump, telling reporters that he doesn’t consider “any Trump supporter a threat to the country.”

This comes less than a day after he called Trump supporters “MAGA forces,” and warned that they are a “threat to this country.”

The Biden White House in recent weeks has sharpened its attacks against its political opponents, calling Trump supporters a far-right “extremist threat” to Democracy who are motivated by an ideology of “semi-fascism.” That disturbingly harsh rhetoric culminated in a Hitleresque diatribe Thursday night, shocking and horrifying at least half the nation.

“Donald Trump and the MAGA Republicans represent an extremism that threatens the very foundations of our Republic,” Biden bellowed during his speech at Independence National Historical Parkin Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He went on to assert that “there’s no question that the Republican party today is dominated, driven, and intimidated by Donald Trump and the MAGA Republicans,” and repeated his claim that they are “a threat to this country.”

Doubling down on this message, Biden’s Twitter account sent out the following tweet just before his address: “Donald Trump and MAGA Republicans are a threat to the very soul of this country.”

Following an event on the American Rescue Plan in the South Court Auditorium on the White House campus, Friday morning, Biden denied that he called Trump supporters a threat to the country.

“I don’t consider any Trump supporter a threat to the country,” he said in response to a question from Fox News reporter Peter Doocy.

In fairness, as conservative commentator Auron MacIntyre quipped on Twitter: Biden “may legitimately not remember that he gave a speech last night.”

Yup. Even more important, we must all bear in mind that—last night, today, and EVERY day, until he finally assumes room temperature and joins the Choir invisible at long, long last—the marginally-ambulatory rutabaga was only saying what he’d been told to say. Deb closes out her post with some bitter truth from, of all places, the RNC.

Here’s something Joe Biden DOES NOT want you to see.

WATCH: 10 minutes of Democrats denying election results. pic.twitter.com/bJRbzEcIO2

— RNC Research (@RNCResearch) September 1, 2022

Sadly, the comments section abounds with depressing hoo-raw like this:

Biden is not allowed to walk back his assertion that half the country is deplorable, dangerous, evil, criminal.

We will highlight his speech all the way to Election Day.

Uh huh, that’s nice. And then, when they rig it just like they already did in 2020…?

Personally, I think it amounts to adding insult to injury when the addled-pated old fraud pokes out that forked tongue of his to announce that hey, gang, I really don’t consider y’all a threat like I said I did last night. For the sake of this beleaguered, virtually extinct nation, we’d all better hope like hell that there are still enough of us out there who DO pose a credible threat to the Power’s Sacred Democracy™ (GAG, SPIT) to save our bacon in the end.

Stop this ride, I wanna get off

Posted on July 18, 2022July 19, 2022 by Mike

Crappiest. Carnival. EVAR.

It’s like our country is trapped on one of those swirling carnival rides beloved of the county fairs… only, the felonious mutt who runs the ride has nodded off in a fentanyl delirium with the motor running at maximum speed… and the children-of-all-ages locked in the pods of this infernal machine shriek and vomit with each sickening rotation… as the half-century-old swing arms groan and wobble from metal fatigue on their squealing pivots… and suddenly comes a deafening crunch of gnashed gears, the smell of burning oil, and the pathetic whimpering of the nearly dead.

Meh. Been there, done that. Too many times.

That’s us. Some terrible midsummer accident-of-state has befallen the USA Carnival, and most are too dazed to know it. Whose idea was it to send the wind-up doll president called “Joe Biden” to Saudi Arabia?

Shit, forget that—whose damned idea was it to let the enfeebled damned blatherskite into the damned White House in the first damned place?

I can just imagine what went on in the chamber in private with “JB” and MBS (Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman), virtual autocrat of the oil-soaked desert land. The American visitor muttered something about wanting an ice-cream cone before dropping into a catatonic thousand-yard stare.

It’s like a crime scene where the forensic experts have entered. The Saudi leader and his entourage only hang around the room for three minutes until the US State Department shoots enough photos to prove that “JB” was there and not stuffed in the basement of his Delaware beach house for the weekend, as usual. The American news media gets briefed: Saudi Arabia graciously agrees to bump up its oil production somewhere in the 2025-2027 time-frame — a triumph for US diplomacy, the networks are informed. Air Force One wings home through clouds of despair. The White House team members spend the flight updating their resumés.

I think we have witnessed “Joe Biden’s” final appearance at any world-stage event. He can do no more for the Party of Chaos. It has done what it can to wreck the joint with him as the pretend head-of-state. The Ukraine gambit is a bust, a foolish miscalculation that was obvious from the start. All it accomplished was to reveal the pitiful dependence of our European allies on Russian oil and gas, leaving their economies good and truly scuppered without it. The Russians end up with control of the Black Sea and probably the Ukraine bread-basket as well. So, now, Europe will starve and freeze.

Did they really want to commit suicide like that? Do the populations of Germany, France, Italy, the Netherlands, Spain, and the rest just aim to roll into oblivion? Probably not. Rather, we are entering the season of upended governments.

One can only hope. Certainly, there’s a whole slew of ’em that badly need upending, to say the very least.

Putting fossil fuels into perspective

Posted on July 6, 2022July 7, 2022 by Mike

They power a lot more than just our automobiles.

Fossil fuel powers the economic engine of civilization. With a minor disruption in the supply of fossil fuel, crops wither, and supply chains crash. With a major disruption, a humanitarian apocalypse could engulf the world. Events of the past few months have made this clear. Without energy, civilization dies, and in 2020 fossil fuels continued to provide more than 80 percent of all energy consumed worldwide.

This basic fact, that maintaining a reliable supply of affordable fossil fuel is a nonnegotiable condition for the survival of civilization, currently eludes far too many American politicians, including Joe Biden. Observes energy expert and two-time candidate for governor of California Michael Shellenberger: “One month ago, the Biden administration killed a one-million-acre oil and gas lease sale in Alaska, and seven days ago killed new on-shore oil and gas leases in the continental U.S. In fact, at this very moment, the Biden administration is considering a total ban on new offshore oil and gas drilling.”

Another basic fact, easily confirmed by consulting the 2021 edition of the BP Statistical Review of Global Energy, is that if every person living on Earth were to consume half as much energy per year as the average American currently consumes, global energy production would need to nearly double. Instead of producing 547 exajoules (the mega unit of energy currently favored by economists) per year, energy producers worldwide would need to come up with just over 1,000 exajoules. How exactly will “renewables,” currently delivering 32 exajoules per year, or six percent of global energy, expand by a factor of 30 to deliver 1,000 exajoules?

The short answer is, it can’t. Despite the fanatical, powerful group-think that calls for the abolition of not only fossil fuels but also most hydroelectric power and all nuclear power, the reality is that most nations of the world are going to continue to develop every source of energy they can, and they’re going to do it as fast as they can.

Well, the smart ones will. Sadly, that would seem to exclude any of them currently being misruled by Senile Joe Biden and/or his shadowy Deep State handlers.

“At a time of war,” Biden wrote in an open letter to the industry on June 15, “high refinery profit margins being passed directly onto American families are not acceptable… companies must take immediate actions to increase the supply of gasoline, diesel, and other refined product.”

But US refineries are already operating at 94 percent of their capacity, with US refineries in the Gulf of Mexico running at 98 percent, which is the highest rate in 30 years. Running refineries at a higher capacity than that risks damaging the equipment. As such, Biden isn’t just wrong, he insulted some of the hardest working people operating in one of the most dangerous industries in America.

If Biden wants more American fuel, then he should allow the building of new refineries, right?

That’s the last thing FJB wants, as is evidenced by his actions, which as always speak louder than words.

But, on May 12, Biden’s Interior Department blocked a proposal to open up more than one million acres of land in Alaska for oil and gas drilling. Two days later, Biden’s Environmental Protection Agency blocked plans to expand an oil refinery in the US Virgin Islands.

Biden and his defenders said he had to block the expansion of the Virgin Islands refinery, given how polluting it was.

But had Biden’s EPA allowed the Virgin Island refinery to expand, the owners would have poured nearly $3 billion into retrofitting the plant so it produced gasoline and other products more cleanly, while significantly increasing production at the same time.

In truth, there are many things Biden could have done, and still should do, to lower energy prices. He could invoke the National Defense Act to accelerate the rate of oil and gas permits. He could set a floor of $80/barrel for re-filling the Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR), which would be a powerful incentive for the industry, because it would prevent prices from falling to unprofitable levels. Biden could announce trade agreements with American allies to supply them with liquified natural gas, which would incentivize more natural gas production and lower prices.

If Biden got America on a wartime footing, as he should be given Russia’s aggression in Europe, we would see the lowering of oil, gas and petroleum prices in less than one year.

Why won’t Biden do it? Because he has declared war on fossil fuels. “I guarantee you, we’re going to end fossil fuel,” Biden promised a student climate activist in 2019. “I am not going to cooperate with them,” he said, referring to the oil and gas industry.

And indeed, he hasn’t. When oil and gas executives visited the White House in June, Biden snubbed them by refusing to attend the meeting. Instead, at the very same moment, he met with wind industry executives. A few days earlier, Biden administration officials signaled they may support a large new tax on the oil industry proposed by a Senator from Oregon.

All of this has soured the oil and gas industry on investing in production. “If you were an oil company,” a senior executive at a major US bank told me, why would you invest hundreds of millions of dollars into expanding refining capacity if you thought the federal government or investors would shut you down in the next few years? The narrative coming from the administration is absolutely insane.”

Of course it is. Leaving Biden’s personal cognitive impairment out of it, as the venerable old truism has it: liberalism delenda est. It just floors me that, with Biden-caused disaster on every front, the clod’s approval numbers nonetheless remain in the 30-40 percent range, instead of around 10 or 12 percent where they truly belong. Back to the first article for our thrilling conclusion.

According to the most authoritative source on energy in the world, total proven reserves of fossil fuel currently total 49,023 exajoules. This means that just with proven reserves, and if only fossil fuel were used, and if global energy consumption were doubled to 1,000 exajoules per year, there would still be a 50-year supply of energy. How much more fossil fuel can be extracted from unproven reserves is anybody’s guess, but it is a safe bet that twice as much more is available, meaning there’s at least another century’s worth of fossil fuel even if we used nothing else to power civilization.

The benefits of abundant cheap energy are obvious: prosperity and voluntary population stabilization. In the decades to come, other forms of energy will be further developed. If hydroelectric power doubles, while nuclear power and renewables both go up by an order of magnitude, the three together would provide 636 exajoules of power per year. Under that scenario, fossil-fuel use could remain near current levels, and total global energy production would still double to 1,000 exajoules.

What is impossible, however, is for renewables alone to achieve this level of growth. More than half of renewable energy today comes from biofuel and biomass, which—ironically—is already wreaking havoc across the tropics as hundreds of thousands of square miles of rainforest are incinerated to make room for cane ethanol and palm oil plantations. And then there are the minerals required for the wind turbine towers, the silicon photovoltaics, and the billions of megawatt-hours of battery farm capacity. Where are the Malthusians when you need them?

Same place they always were—everywhere you look, for as far as the eye can see—in the bodily posture typical of their kind: with their heads jammed so far up their flues they have to yawn to see daylight. There’s a good reason why the ceaseless warnings of impending disaster issued by such as they never quite come to fruition: the purblind boobs arrive at their dire conclusions by projecting current conditions into the future unaltered, never taking technological advancement, human ingenuity and adaptability, and the ineluctable flux and churn of life on this planet into account.

Doomsday predictions can make for moderately interesting reading now and then, but ought to be taken no more seriously than you do your daily horoscope, the extended weather forecast, or your chances of winning gazillions playing the Powerball. Harmless entertainment, if that’s your bag, but not necessarily reliable indicators of what tomorrow will bring.

Update! Don’t let FJB’s play-acting at being “concerned” by the suffering his hideously expensive gas prices is inflicting on ordinary Americans fool you. This is exactly what he and his fellow shitlibs have dreamed of for years and years.

If you had the unpleasant experience this July Fourth weekend of paying close to $5 for a gallon of gas, you can always comfort yourself with the idea that your pain is for a good cause: the “liberal world order.”

So said Brian Deese, White House director of the National Economic Council, when he was asked on CNN: “What do you say to those families who say, ‘Listen, we can’t afford to pay $4.85 a gallon for months, if not years. This is just not sustainable’?”

Deese, like his boss Joe Biden, is unmoved by the suffering of ordinary Americans, more than two-thirds of whom say gas-price increases are causing them hardship, according to a recent Gallup poll.

“This is about the future of the liberal world order, and we have to stand firm” until Ukraine defeats Russia, declared Deese.
He was echoing the president, who had referenced the Ukraine war a few hours earlier in Madrid, when he dismissed a similar question: “The war has pushed prices up. [Oil] could go as high as $200 a barrel…How long is it fair to expect American drivers and drivers around the world to pay that premium for this war?”

Biden responded with cold indifference: “As long as it takes,” he said.

If only there was some way Real Americans could properly thank him for it.

“Resist, or be swept away”

Posted on July 6, 2022July 6, 2022 by Mike

No way I can improve on that perfect title. Although I have to say, regretfully, the author’s idea of what constitutes effective “resistance” has precious little in common with my own.

There is a great deal of consternation in liberal precincts regarding the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This is good. It is the right of every American to voice their grievances. Abortion is a contentious issue and worthy of debate. There are reasonable positions both sides may debate which will likely reverberate for years to come. Unfortunately, most of the noise from liberals isn’t discussion the issue deserves, but a whirring, whining cacophony reminiscent of a fit a child might throw if told he can’t do something he really…really…really wants to do.

Jill Filipovic joined the cacophony, writing in the Guardian, “[T]he US Supreme Court should officially be understood — a tool of minority rule over the majority, and as part of a far-right ideological and authoritarian takeover that must be snuffed out if we want American democracy to survive.” Consider Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer’s diatribe: “I want to tell you, Gorsuch, I want to tell you, Kavanaugh, you have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price. You won’t know what hit you if you go forward with these awful decisions.” On June 22, a deranged man considered snuffing out Justice Kavanaugh and is awaiting trial for attempted murder. A near universal outcry from liberals contends that abortion is a “constitutional right.” It is hard to see how the republic overcomes such radical mindsets and notions.

No, it isn’t. On the contrary, it is simplicity itself; to overcome such mindless radicalism, all purveyors of insensate balderdash must be purged, by means of hard-handed violence if that’s what it takes for the Republic to rid itself of it, to preserve the culture and way of life of its citizens. The hard thing isn’t “seeing” that harsh reality, it’s accepting it, and then acting accordingly.

Liberals have convinced themselves that Republican presidents who win the electoral vote while losing the popular vote are illegitimate. Ms. Filipovic notes in her article that five of the conservative judges sitting on the Supreme Court were “appointed by Presidents who lost the popular vote.” America is a constitutional republic. Presidential elections are decided by the Electoral College. This is the only legal method of electing the president. A presidential election decided any other way would be illegitimate.

What liberals are really saying is that conservatism is illegitimate. Liberals consider conservatism a bastard ideology, conceived illegitimately, existing to unravel democratic institutions so conservatives may invoke a fascist state. Conservatism must be “snuffed out” so democracy survives. Any strategy or tactic that avails liberals the slightest advantage or damages conservatives is endorsed. Ethics, morality, and the well-being of the American people are irrelevant. The ends justify the means. This is the pathetic ethos of liberalism today.

Subscription to this ethos isn’t enough; the body politic must be purged of conservatism. Schumer’s threat is real. Conservatives have “released the whirlwind and…will pay the price.” To be “snuffed out” and “pay the price” is language of trepidation and violence. Biden’s Department of Justice (DOJ) has determined that parents displaying raucous behavior at school board meetings are enemies of the state while senators and citizens that threaten and intimidate Supreme Court justices are patriotic Americans participating in democracy. Looting, arson, and anarchy are to liberal protesters what nirvana is to Buddhist monks.

Liberals dominate the Executive and Legislative Branches of the federal government and many states. The federal bureaucracy is a cudgel used to benefit the liberal elite. Liberals dominate popular and news media. Corporations, increasingly leery of the bureaucratic cudgel, toe the line for liberals. Educators propagandize the country’s youth with twisted liberal dogma. Conservatives are swimming upstream against a powerful liberal current to maintain their political, cultural, and commercial identity.

The Constitution is an island rising above this powerful stream. Americans must embrace the Constitution and the laws that underlie it because liberals won’t be bothered by the rule of law. When liberal elites consider judicial decisions illegitimate and remedy the undesirable decision by packing the court with friendly judges, the rule of law is meaningless.

All indubitably correct so far—grim, bleak, factual reality, offered full-strength with nary a flinch nor backfill. But you know what’s coming next, don’t you? Wait for it…wait for it…WAAAIIIT FOR IT…

Conservatives are the bulwark of the republic, the last line of defense against a treacherous liberal ideology that seeks to dominate the body politic while destroying anyone that resists. The American people must elect politicians that will compete with this dangerous ideology, returning government to the people before the nation is swept away in a current of chaotic liberalism.

Sorry, bub, but if you think electing politicians to “compete” can ever be sufficient to discourage, dissuade, and/or defeat remorseless, implacable, Hell-spawned Leftist fiends, you got some more thinking to do. Any fool knows that in wartime, one’s chosen weapon must have power adequate to dispense with the foeman one confronts. No stampeding rhino was ever brought down with a flyswatter and a spray-bottle of sugar water, after all. Any thinking person would scrupulously guard himself against the slightest implication that he might actually take such twaddle at all seriously, lest his reputation be forever ruined.

Either you believe these scoundrels and their ideology to be “dangerous” (HINT: they most assuredly are, in every imaginable sense of the word), or you do not. Having used the very word yourself, you undermine not only your own argument specifically but your overall credibility as well when you tout weak-tea, ineffectual countermeasures as a response in the same damned sentence.

They WANT to believe

Posted on July 1, 2022July 2, 2022 by Mike

I endorse this idea with all my heart and soul.

A satirical writer’s imagination of President Donald Trump in 2018 led to a fantasy script of the unconventional president going viral. In it, Trump was depicted as ordering White House staff to create an entire TV channel devoted to gorillas.

“To appease Trump, White House staff compiled a number of gorilla documentaries into a makeshift gorilla channel, broadcast into Trump’s bedroom from a hastily-constructed transmission tower on the South Lawn,” read an excerpt of the fabricated story published by the Twitter account @pixelatedboat. “However, Trump was unhappy with the channel they had created, moaning that it was ‘boring’ because ‘the gorillas aren’t fighting.’”

Despite being explicit satire, the fable was convincing to many of the same people on the internet who had been persuaded by the media since the start of Trump’s 2016 campaign that he is a “comic book villain.”

The latest conspiracies peddled by the Jan. 6 Committee this week, however, make the fictional tale of Trump’s beloved gorilla channel, posted below in full, appear far more believable. The tall tales coming from the show trial are just as farcical.

Well, I mean, they would be, would they not? That, after all, is why we call them SHOW trials. I had completely forgotten about the hilarious and truly inspired “Gorilla Channel” prank until this most welcome reminder, and Tristan is on the money when he compares the latest madcap episode of the long-running Get Trump! hit comedy series favorably to that earlier one.

On Tuesday, the nine-member panel investigating the regime’s political dissidents brought forward Cassidy Hutchinson, a former aide to White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows.

Over her more than two hours of public testimony, Hutchinson gave lawmakers graphic but far-fetched details about a president gone mad as the riot unfolded on Capitol Hill. At one point, she testified with third-hand hearsay that Trump allegedly tried to violently hijack the presidential limousine to drive himself to the congressional chambers, saying “I’m the f’ing president, take me up to the Capitol now,” and lunging at the throat of his head of security.

According to Hutchinson’s sloppily thrown-together fairy tale, Trump actually reached across the seat back trying to wrestle control of the wheel from his chaffeur, the problem with which ought to be readily apparent to anyone acquainted with a few basic facts about limousines. To wit:

Bit of a reach, wouldn’tcha say? Then again, this guy, who seems to be completely credible, says no, it really did happen. He even captured some video proof of the momentous event:

I was there..it's legit! https://t.co/MLrm6S8k2I

— Templar⚔️ (@aTeXan575) June 30, 2022

Okay, I retract my earlier mockery of the lying bint Hutchinson’s lame-ass stab at making the kangaroos on the J6 “court” happy; clearly, this video is much too cool for it NOT to be completely factual and on the level.

All kidding around aside, Hutchinson’s laughable fabrication went all to pieces even faster than is usual for these seemingly endless get-Trump™ schemes, which is pretty damned fast. This one sputtered out within a cpl-three hours of its inception, when Hutchinson’s alleged “sources” all offered to testify under oath that none of it ever actually occurred. Nothing whatsoever new in such clumsy, ham-handed dishonesty from the Swamp vermin, as everyone here will surely be aware.

Tuesday’s unsubstantiated tales aside, Hutchinson’s debunked testimony is far from the only time the Jan. 6 Committee has made up claims to perpetuate its chosen narrative. In December, committee members deceptively manipulated text messages twice, and Cheney fabricated a false timeline of Jan. 6 to indict Trump as complicit in the chaos. Just last week, the committee lied about a DOJ attorney’s involvement in the president’s efforts to halt the certification of the election.

The entire Jan. 6 Committee is built on a conspiracy, weaponizing the levers of government after two failed impeachments to smear political dissidents as having orchestrated a fascist plot to take over the U.S. government. Trump, the story goes, corralled his supporters in Washington, inflamed the mob, and ordered them to overthrow Congress in a failed coup. Cheney painted this exact picture in a statement announcing her intent to impeach. Never mind that the president explicitly instructed his supporters gathered in the capital to protest “peacefully.”

Trump, however, is no stranger to opponents concocting conspiracies to indict him, whether it be allegations of manipulating the Postal Service to rig the election or serving in the Oval Office as a covert Russian agent. The Jan. 6 Committee has merely become the Democrats’ latest hoax, capitalizing on a friendly press eager to pass on portrayals of the former president as being engaged in ludicrous behavior no matter how credible. And yet, their base will still believe what they’re told.

At this rate, the Jan. 6 investigators might as well study whether Trump actually watched the gorilla channel — an equally unbelievable tale. News of the channel might not highlight any episodes of presidential malfeasance, but neither does the president telling a crowd of supporters to protest peacefully.

Since facts, objective reality, and the plain and simple truth are always so inconveniently at variance with the shitlib narrative, making shit up from whole cloth like this is no more than de rigeur for them, the very first arrow they pull from the quiver. The only real surprise here is that, even with such vast experience doing it, they’re no better at lying than they are. In any event, I must reiterate my endorsement of an intense, thorough Congressional investigation of Trump’s Gorilla Channel obssession. The more we hear about all things GC, the better I’ll be pleased.

D-M-U-B

Posted on July 1, 2022July 1, 2022 by Mike

Most pathetic shitlib response to the USSC’s belated correction of the original Roe misfire.

Most pathetic response SO FAR, that is.

Please don’t cut trans men and nonbinary people out of the conversation today. This is not just a women’s rights issue, anyone who can get pregnant is affected.

— Amber (@amber_kadabra) June 24, 2022

I’d ask that somebody go explain the problem with her premise here, but this bimbette has obviously been so incurably enstupidated by the Xtreme PC virus as to render any attempt along such lines a complete waste of time. Entirely too much more lackwittery, hysteria, irrational panic, life-threatening mental illness, and sidesplitting self-beclownment here.

I do declare, I can’t for the life of me recall any other Supreme Court decisions ever being so much damned fun as these last two have been. Explanation for my post title at 7:16 or so of this vid:

The five-song Ramones concert sequence from Rock and Roll High School literally changed my life forever, which is why I embedded the whole thing up here. After I saw it for the first time (there would be many, MANY more of them), I quit the doomed-from-Day-One 70s hard-rock cover band I had been slowly circling the drain with for the previous cpl-three years to put together a punk-rock outfit which, to everyone’s complete shock, ended up leaving an indelible mark on Charlotte’s barely-noticeable music scene. The enjoyment and rich, singular experiences our unexpected success provided the four of us drove the final nails into the coffin of my meandering try at higher education, convincing me that my addiction to the risk-rife idea of a career as a no-shit Rock Star—a craving that had set a stainless-steel hook deep inside me early on; the seductive power of the thing had been steadily tightening its grip on my imagination throughout most of my life—might in fact have some real potential that could very well amount to something way beyond mere childish daydreams.

Alas, though, t’wasn’t so. Despite attaining a totally respectable level of fame, the fortune part remained elusive, so the Rock Star thing didn’t work out nearly as well for me as I had hoped it might. The platinum records, the arena tours, the mansions, the truckloads of cash, the willing supermodels, the private jets, all the other trimmings—none of that extravagant finery did I ever get within sniffing distance of, as they say. Even so, I’m still much better off than poor old Amber is, and most likely I always will be. After all, I’ve never made anything like as complete a fool of myself as she did with that lunkhead Tweet of hers up there.

Truth in advertising

Posted on June 26, 2022June 26, 2022 by Mike

Says it all, don’t it?

Swiped from Bad Cattitude, via WRSA’s regularly scheduled meme-dump.

Don’t look now

Posted on June 26, 2022June 26, 2022 by Mike

Dan Gelernter has an important message he’d like to share with us.

Don’t Laugh at the Man Who Falls Off a Bicycle
It’s true that we could all use a little humor in times of crisis, but news of Joe Biden falling off his bicycle isn’t funny,

Isn’t funny? Like HELL it ain’t.

and this crisis is too serious. When you laugh at Biden, you grant him undeserved importance—as though he were president of the United States.

Not on your life, bub. If there’s one thing the Biden marionette has amply demonstrated for one and all, it’s how truly UNimportant he actually is. With every pratfall, garbled speech, or vacant, confusticated thousand-yard stare as he tries to figure out where he is and why those pushy sonsabitches have brought him out to wherever this is, more and more people come to realize the painful truth: that this shambolic rutabaga fraudulently installed in the White House under highly questionable circumstances is nothing more than a figurehead, a third-rate Swamp rat impersonating a real US President.

This truth is a painful one because it raises some very serious questions regarding the office of the presidency its own self, among them…

1) Just how important, really, is said office to the way the country is run anymore
2) Just who, and how many of them, might really be running said country
C) Just who, really, do said people think they are
Quatre) Just how long this little bait-and-switch of a charade of a kabuki-theater dumbshow might really have been going on, right under our very noses
Five) Just what We The People ought to do about all this, really

To me, the correct answer to that last seems fairly obvious, but then I could be getting a bit jaded and irascible in my dotage, I admit.

Biden is not president of the United States. He wasn’t elected, and he certainly isn’t running the country. We are reliving the twilight of the Wilson Administration: As Churchill put it in The Second World War, Wilson “suffered a paralytic stroke just as he was setting forth on his campaign, and lingered henceforward a futile wreck for a great part of two long and vital years.” In the meantime, historians have assured us, Wilson’s wife was running the country. If this is so, we may partially credit Edith Wilson with having laid the groundwork for World War II.

In reality, Edith was no more in charge in 1919 than Mrs. (I mean Dr.) Jill Biden is now. A weak or nonexistent president is an opportunity for professional politicians and professional bureaucrats to do what they most love: To exercise power without accountability. To steal it. To usurp it.

Look at funny Joe Biden, falling off his bicycle, losing his way back from the podium, losing his way in the middle of a sentence. The people who have stolen the office of president want you to look at him. They want you to blame him.

They want you to pretend that the utter destruction of America—of our economy, our property, our peace, our freedom, our ability to defend ourselves from madmen and from the government—is just an accidental result wrought by a comedy-clown president who’s lost his mind.

In reality this is a deliberate plan by people who know exactly what they’re doing and who are achieving exactly what they want.

These people also want you to look forward to the next election. They want you to vote, to be excited about voting, to think of nothing else but the moment when you get to exercise your right to choose your own government and throw the bums out of office. Of course it will be a big disappointment to you when the outrage you thought was sweeping the nation doesn’t actually materialize—or when it disappears in the middle of the night while the polls are closed and we’re all in bed.

The biggest disappointment of all is the moment it finally hits home—two, three, four years after across-the-board, tide-turning Republican majorities have been swept into office en masse on the strength of endless solemn promises of “change,” “restoration,” and “renewal”—that the only truly substantive “change” to be seen is in how that ten extra pounds of belly-flab you piled on whilst sitting around waiting for all that “change” to materialize has forced you to loosen your belt a notch or two.

Other than the unfortunate weight gain, though, everything appears to be just as it was on the day all those GOP freshmen Reps and Senators swore the oath they quietly intended to traduce before they’d left the very first ass-indentation in the deluxe new calf’s leather office chairs you, the taxpayer, bought for them. To be sure, the government got bigger, more powerful, and more meddlesome. Taxes were raised, again, the additional funds flushed down various DC sewer pipes with none of the “change” it was supposed to buy us anywhere in sight. Several hundred more unneeded, unwanted, and unhelpful laws were passed—in sum, yet another encore of the whole crass Vaudeville act we’re all sick and tired of watching the “right wing” of the Uniparty perform for us.

SO. One more time, then: Just what are We The People going to DO about all this, really? Also, can any Real American suggest, with a straight face, that there are any methods, tactics, or tools AT ALL which of right ought to be preemptively proclaimed off limits as too “extreme” for us to resort to? Are we so brazen, so callow and self-absorbed, that we dare to propose that the selfsame “extremes” deemed perfectly acceptable by our forefathers in bringing forth a new nation founded on individual liberty and natural rights as a blessing upon themselves and their posterity are now to be considered much too barbaric and unthinkable to be contemplated by their more-highly-evolved heirs in the reclamation of their ravaged nation and the restoration of their purloined liberty? Do we really care so little for our own posterity that we think them unworthy of making the same sacrifice for their sake that America’s Founders made for ours?

Can it be possible that we’ve fallen so far as that, then?!? Forbid it, almighty God! Which quote makes me think this might be a perfect time for some reposting. I implore you, do NOT fail to read all of the following passage. You’ve seen this material before, yes. But still.

The question before the House is one of awful moment to this country. For my own part, I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our country. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Majesty of Heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings.

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.

I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the British ministry for the last ten years to justify those hopes with which gentlemen have been pleased to solace themselves and the House. Is it that insidious smile with which our petition has been lately received? Trust it not, sir; it will prove a snare to your feet. Suffer not yourselves to be betrayed with a kiss.

Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petition comports with those warlike preparations which cover our waters and darken our land. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation? Have we shown ourselves so unwilling to be reconciled that force must be called in to win back our love? Let us not deceive ourselves, sir. These are the implements of war and subjugation; the last arguments to which kings resort.

I ask gentlemen, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force us to submission? Can gentlemen assign any other possible motive for it? Has Great Britain any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies? No, sir, she has none. They are meant for us: they can be meant for no other. They are sent over to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the British ministry have been so long forging.

And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try argument? Sir, we have been trying that for the last ten years. Have we anything new to offer upon the subject? Nothing. We have held the subject up in every light of which it is capable; but it has been all in vain. Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves longer.

Sir, we have done everything that could be done to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded; and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne!

In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free—if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending—if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained—we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of hosts is all that is left us!

They tell us, sir, that we are weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall we be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when we are totally disarmed, and when a British guard shall be stationed in every house? Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

Sir, we are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of nature hath placed in our power. Three millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us.

Besides, sir, we shall not fight our battles alone. There is a just God who presides over the destinies of nations, and who will raise up friends to fight our battles for us. The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. Besides, sir, we have no election. If we were base enough to desire it, it is now too late to retire from the contest. There is no retreat but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! The war is inevitable—and let it come! I repeat it, sir, let it come.

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, peace, peace—but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?

Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!

One of the greatest, most electrifying speeches ever to pass o’er the lips of Mortal Man, and forever worth another read. If the above words don’t stir you to the very deepest depths of your soul, you ain’t no kind of American my eyes can recognize as such.

Another opinion released

Posted on June 24, 2022June 24, 2022 by Mike

This one is sure to be of interest to everyone, since it comes from a renowned, widely-respected, and highly-regarded Constitutional law scholar and all. I mean, we’re talking here about a man whose words on the topic have for many years carried one hell of a lot of weight, and rightly so.

Joe Biden said he is “deeply disappointed” with the Supreme Court’s decision Thursday to strike down a New York law that restricted access to concealed carry permits of handguns, saying in a statement that it “contradicts both common sense and the Constitution.”

Oh, shut the fuck up, you old fool. Like you have the vaguest clue about either one of those two things, or ever did have your whole squandered life long.

In a statement released hours after the Supreme Court released its decision, Biden expressed his deep disappointment in the ruling, and said it should “deeply trouble us all.”

The statement continues:

In the wake of the horrific attacks in Buffalo and Uvalde, as well as the daily acts of gun violence that do not make national headlines, we must do more as a society — not less — to protect our fellow Americans. I remain committed to doing everything in my power to reduce gun violence and make our communities safer. I have already taken more executive actions to reduce gun violence than any other President during their first year in office, and I will continue to do all that I can to protect Americans from gun violence.

I urge states to continue to enact and enforce commonsense laws to make their citizens and communities safer from gun violence. As the late Justice Scalia recognized, the Second Amendment is not absolute. For centuries, states have regulated who may purchase or possess weapons, the types of weapons they may use, and the places they may carry those weapons. And the courts have upheld these regulations.

I call on Americans across the country to make their voices heard on gun safety. Lives are on the line.

New York Governor Kathy Hochul, a Democrat, also condemned the ruling, calling it a “dark day” for New York that “is sending us backwards.

Hochul stated when the 2nd Amendment was written, U.S. citizens only had access to muskets and that she was “prepared to go back to muskets” through gun regulations.

Fuck you, liar. US citizens at that time had “access” to all and every type of weapon, exactly as the Founders intended, up to and including privately-owned artillery pieces. An interesting little tidbit you may not have known about until right this very minute:

Even in 1934, when Congress responded to media-hyped Prohibition and Depression-era outlaws such as the Dillenger gang by regulating machine guns, suppressors, short-barreled rifles, and short-barreled shotguns under the National Firearms Act, they kept artillery pieces fully legal and free to own without Uncle Sam getting involved. Ironically this meant that for three decades you could buy a functional military surplus field gun, cash-and-carry, but had to pay a $200 tax and undergo a background check process to get a .22LR suppressor.

That “loophole” was eventually closed.

It was in 1968, that the Omnibus Crime Control and Safe Streets Act, introduced as H.R. 5037 by U.S. Rep. Emanuel Celler (D-NY) and signed by President Lyndon B. Johnson (D), regulated most “destructive devices” with a bore over .50-caliber. This meant that modern artillery “such as bazookas, mortars, antitank guns, and so forth” were placed under ATF restrictions in a kind of retroactive addition to the NFA. Before that time, you could buy surplus hardware such as working Boys and Lahti anti-tank rifles at local outlets, cheap.

With all that being said, modern breechloading artillery is still available in the “Land of the Free and Home of the Brave,” provided it is registered with the federal government and properly taxed. Still, legacy artillery systems like muzzleloading black powder field guns, such as Hamilton and Madison would be familiar with, do not require tax stamps.

For now, anyway.

Honestly, I had no idea that a fella could legally buy himself a breech-loading field piece to this very day. Then again, familiar as I am with what the tax-and-fees bite amounts to for Class III (ie, full-auto) rifles and subguns—HELPFUL HINT: as high as balls on a giraffe, as Goose likes to say—I can just imagine what you’d have to shell out for FederalGovCo’s permission to park a breech-loader out on the front lawn. Be that as it may, it’s nice to know they’re still legally allowed, even if they’re priced well out of my personal reach.

Better yet is knowing how batshit-apoplectic the ongoing legal availability for private purchase of a nice Napoleon, Howitzer, or 24-pound siege gun would make Plugs Biden if he only knew. Which, you can be sure he doesn’t. Somebody oughta mention it to him over porridge one morning before the addle-pated old fart goes down for 9AM nappies. The grand mal flailing and flopping about as a result would surely be the most epic and hilarious to date, which is really saying something.

Ain’t it funny, though, how shitlibs from sea to shining sea have suddenly conjured in themselves this awed reverence for the sanctity of States’ Rights and the unchallengeable primacy of State over Federal Law after oh, about a century and a half or thereabouts of reflexively dismissing such notions as peurile claptrap, antiquated bosh of the purest ray serene. But hey, whatever gets you through the next fifteen minutes, eh, Proggy?

With “friends” like these, etc etc etc

Posted on June 7, 2022June 7, 2022 by Mike

So, General, sir, I just have to ask: won any wars lately?

As the former Commanding General of the Infantry Center at Fort Benning and Chief of Infantry, I know a bit about weapons. Let me state unequivocally — For all intents and purposes, the AR-15 and rifles like it are weapons of war. A thread:

— Major General (ret) Paul Eaton (@PaulDEaton52) June 2, 2022

Those opposed to assault weapon bans continue to play games with AR-15 semantics, pretending there’s some meaningful differences between it and the M4 carbine that the military carries. There really aren’t. 2/

— Major General (ret) Paul Eaton (@PaulDEaton52) June 2, 2022

Obviously, “those opposed to assault weapon bans” are one hell of a lot more intelligent, Constitution-savvy, and just plain honest than this gun-grabbing shitweasel has any interest in even trying to be. Or does the General, sir, really think himself such a slickster that we’ll swallow the risible notion that it’s his sincere conviction that the difference between military full-auto and cake-eating civilian semi-auto variants is not a “meaningful” one?

Which puffery is all just tail-chasing and doesn’t much matter in the end anyhow, because, y’know, SHALL. NOT. BE. INFRINGED.

LITERAL DEFINITION OF “ASSAULT RIFLE”*: A military rifle typically used by infantrymen which is equipped with a select-fire switch which allows the weapon to be fired in single-shot, three-round burst, or full-auto mode. Depending on what the manufacturer’s design blueprint specifies, the select-fire switch may include a trigger-locking “safe” position also.

Plenty more inane turd-burglary from this Major General Swampy Queefleton Suckbutt, REMF, sir perusable here, for anyone possessed of a strong enough stomach to be able to choke down another pantload of such arrant, purely political flapdoodle without gagging themselves comatose on the insulting bilgewater.

No meaningful difference between military and civilian rifles, eh? Well then, Gen Sucklebutt, REMF, sir would no doubt be eager to lead from the front in a grand experiment wherein a new unit under his direct command will be sent into combat equipped exclusively with single-shot, semi-automatic rifles without benefit of full rock and roll—which benefit, as he has assured us, does not in fact exist—so as to put an end to all the game-playing with “AR-15 semantics” he so deeply deplores once and for all.

Man, I sure do hope the Huns aren’t planning another invasion of France anytime soon, because any army with top brass like this in charge of it ain’t gonna be storming any beaches at Normandy this time around.

* Note: “assault WEAPON” is proactively deceptive goobledegook originally puked up by some hoplophobic pissypants legislator—hailing from Californicateya, natch; a Demonrat shitslurper, needless to say—back in 1984. This conjured-on-demand class of notional battle rifle immediately started to spread faster than crotch-crickets at Woodstock amongst Gen Suckbutt, REMF’s equally prissy fellow travelers for use as a booga-booga scare tactic which hopefully would erode support for the Second amongst no-ball cuntfarts entirely unburdened by any knowledge of or experience with projectile weapons of any kind who nonetheless might still be on the fence.

The requisite Very Bad Things which forever condemn any ordinary sporting arm to the Dread Assault Weapon ban-bin are so vague, nondescript, and easily adjustable as to be completely meaningless. Certainly, they can claim not even a distant kinship with a firearm’s ability to send lead downrange at high velocity; the terms which supposedly distinguish the “assault weapon” from Grampa’s boring old deer rifle are restricted to cosmetics and therefore wholly superficial. Which terms city-dwelling nancyboys, their scowling rage-junkie “life partners,” and the rest of the mewling ignoramii—the entire lot of whom appear to have slept through their local community college’s Introductory Logic night course for the entire week or ten days before the instructor finally chucked their stupid asses out—find extremely terrifying nonetheless.

And…?

Posted on June 1, 2022June 1, 2022 by Mike

Glenn posts a friend’s piteous cri de coeur suggesting the need for a lot more pointless screaming, racing around in circles, and frantically waving our arms over our heads out there.

A FRIEND COMMENTS: “There is no elected official running the White House, or the United States, right now. It’s deeply troubling that more people aren’t freaking out about this. We all know it’s true.”

So what? Sorry to have to bust your cozy little bubble for ya, buddy, but some of us have known that for a good many years now. It’s simply the way things are, and has been the way things are for most of my life on this planet—quite possibly all of my life. And I’m sixty-two years old.

What, you don’t mean to seriously suggest that any amount of mass freaking out is gonna change one damn thing, do you? Or that the unelected, unaccountable, and untouchable Shadowmen actually in charge of the White House, the US military, FederalGovCo and all its innumerable subdivisions, agencies, departments, offices, foundations, bureaucracies, and miscellaneous kakistocracies, shitrapies, fiefdoms, personal playgrounds, money laundries, and rackets give three whoops in Hell about what you might think of them?

The Thin Blue Yellow Line

Posted on May 29, 2022May 29, 2022 by Mike

Smells strongly of asparagus cooking.

Uvalde Police Department Unveils New Thin Yellow Line Flag
To commemorate all the bodily fluids lost while assaulting parents trying to rescue their children from an active shooter, today the Uvalde Police Department announced its officers would now cover their uniforms, cars and front lawns with new Thin Yellow Line flags.

“Dozens of Uvalde police officers lost their underwear in the line of duty Tuesday, forever soiled in a hail of their own piss while cowering behind barricades as innocent children were slaughtered by a rampaging gunman just a few feet away,” said Uvalde police spokesperson Robert Ford. “Alas, the police department only had a paltry 40% of the entire town’s budget, and were therefore left powerless to protect their trousers, let alone elementary school children. Maybe if the town had been more serious about the security of the community, these officers would have been able to cower behind even bigger militarized SWAT vehicles for another 40 minutes to spare at least their innocent boxers and briefs.”

Texas Governor Greg Abbott held an emergency press conference to address the unspeakable loss of underpants at the Uvalde Police Department.

“The great State of Texas will never allow such a humiliating disaster to befall our brave men in blue and wet yellow ever again,” said Gov. Abbott, comforting an officer while dabbing a pee stain from his pants. “I’ve consulted with Senator Ted Cruz who has assured me that underpants with only one entrance are much more secure, so we will be forming a task force to look into this technology immediately. Shoot, I feel like I’m forgetting something,—oh, right, the school and the dead children. Uh, have my assistant send a gift basket with some of those nice thoughts and prayers you get at the Cracker Barrel.”

Lurking underneath this and several other news items coming out of Texas is the ugliest of ugly possibilities: that the influx of shitlib refugees from Califruitopia has finally tipped the political balance in the Lone Star Republic firmly Leftward.

The article’s last line, which I omitted as a feeble nod to any Fair Use-abuse concerns, is not to be missed. Putting aside our natural and perfectly reasonable disgust for the contemptible, cowardly pussies of the U(terine)PD, there is actually an upside to this, and our friend Aesop knows what it is.

Elongate!!!

Posted on May 20, 2022May 20, 2022 by Mike

So of course the shitlibs are now trying desperately to gin up some kind of sex scandal they can use to lay Elon Musk low, the cheeky iconoclast having proven to be completely impervious to everything else they’ve tried so far to bring him to heel and put him back in his proper place. To wit:

Elon Musk announces he’s voting Republican and the next day the media is calling him a sexual predator.

— Christian Walker (@ChristianWalk1r) May 20, 2022

Bless his heart, he doesn’t seem to give a fart in a whirlwind about any of that horseshit, either:

Finally, we get to use Elongate as scandal name. It’s kinda perfect. https://t.co/qSNH7lsn72

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 20, 2022

Between Musk, DeSantis, Tucker, Trump, and a handful of others, we’re living in what could fairly be thought of as a Golden Age for smacking libtards around and making the whiny douchenozzles cry, and I for one am loving it. As Glenn quips: When you’re targeted by a clown show, the only proper response is to point and laugh. Most satisfying of all is the way they react when they get their noses tweaked like this, losing it completely in paroxysms of spluttering, stammering rage. Being aggressively taunted, disregarded, and openly made sport of—especially when it’s coming from the kind of people whose habitual passivity, obsequiousness, and reflexive assumption of the defensive crouch they’d long since come to take for granted—is such an alien sensation for them they simply can’t help but blow their stacks every time it happens to them anew.

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