Category: Damn that’s funny!

DNC con-Con, night one

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Kruiser hilariously takes the piss out of a hot mess.

Well, the 2020 Democratic National Convention (DNC) kinda/sorta got underway on Monday night and we’re still waiting to hear from the twelve people who aren’t in political media who watched it.

Those who did were in for a real treat if they’ve never had a concussion or done hallucinogenic drugs before and wondered what either is like without having to actually experience them.

A series of individually recorded remote speeches gave it a “Gee, we’re sorry we can’t be there for your 90th birthday, Uncle Joe” vibe. That’s perfectly fine when it’s Uncle Joe’s 90th birthday but it’s not as fun if it’s Uncle Joe’s 90th attempt at becoming president of the United States. And Uncle Joe isn’t even at his own party to watch because he’s in the basement.

One of the more perplexing things was the DNC giving a speaking slot to former Ohio governor and noted mailman’s son John Kasich. Kasich brings slightly less excitement than dryer lint to any gathering he graces but what was most amusing was that during the somnambulant lead-up to the DNC, the Democrats were acting like Kasich was a real big get for them.

The DNC had a few other faux Republicans speaking on Monday. The only thing they had in common is that no Republican under 50 remembers any of them and they’re trying to feel relevant by doing useful idiot turns for the Democrats. They will be winning no hearts, minds, or voters. Other than the “LOOK! Republicans badmouthing Trump!” narrative it’s difficult to figure out what the DNC’s calculus for trotting out these losers was.

The only big surprise is that mewling liberal turncoat Mittens Romneycare (D—Whicheverstatehecangetelectedin) didn’t show up to give a fellatory go-Joe speech too. Could be that’s coming later on in the week, maybe.

Interest-piqueing update! The Demonrat convention is pure shitshow, naturally, but it’s looking like the RNC one will be…interesting.

The St. Louis couple who wielded firearms while Black Lives Matter protesters gathered outside their mansion will make an appearance at the Republican National Convention next week, a report said Monday.

Personal injury attorneys Mark and Patricia McCloskey are expected to express their support for President Trump during the virtual weeklong event, party officials told the Washington Post.

And it gets even better yet.

Covington Catholic high school student Nick Sandmann, who was viciously smeared by the establishment media and has won settlements from the Washington Post and CNN, will speak at the Republican National Convention (RNC), Trump campaign and RNC officials confirmed to Breitbart News exclusively.

In addition to Sandmann, campaign and Convention officials confirmed to Breitbart News what the Washington Post reported previously, that the St. Louis couple Mark and Patricia McCloskey will speak at the RNC next week. In addition, Andrew Pollack—whose daughter Meadow was killed in the Parkland shooting at Stoneham Douglas High School in February 2018—will speak at the Convention, a Trump campaign official confirmed to Breitbart News. Abby Johnson, a former clinic director at Planned Parenthood who is now a leading pro-life activist, will also speak at the Convention, as will South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem and GOP candidate for U.S. House and veteran Sean Parnell.

Sources familiar with the plans told Breitbart News that each of these cases—in particular, those of Sandmann, the McCloskeys, Pollack, and Johnson—illustrate the potentially disastrous consequences of Democrat governance.

As if getting to enjoy Trump slow-roasting Uncle Gropey over a roaring rhetorical fire wasn’t going to be entertaining enough.

More like this, please

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Your feel-good video of the week is a real delight, folks.

[Watch] Mask-Shaming Woman Throws Hot Coffee in Face of Unmasked Man Trying to Eat a Burrito, Instantly Regrets It

Yes, by all means, heed the title’s directive and WATCH. I promise you’ll feel a warm frisson of pure pleasure. Although I do have one small nit to pick, which I’ll get to anon.




The backstory:

MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. – A bloody brawl broke out in Manhattan Beach after a couple confronted two men for not wearing masks, causing an argument that turned violent when the woman threw coffee into the face of one of the men.

The brawl was all caught on video, recorded by James Hernandez’s bodycam, which he says he has to wear as a Trump supporter.

“Because I wear a trump hat I’ve had a lot of confrontations, I guess,” he said.

His camera was rolling on Friday when he says he and his friend, Matthew Roy, were eating burritos outside without masks on, and a couple criticized them.

“Y’all need to be wearing masks,” the woman can be heard saying.

“No we don’t,” Hernandez replies. “We’re locals here but were on the other side of the fence, we don’t believe in this stuff.”

“I hadn’t even gotten to start eating the burrito yet before someone wanted to give me a mask lecture,” Roy said.

Roy says the woman then stuck her middle finger in his face, and tensions escalated further until she threw her coffee in his face.
Roy immediately gets up, and begins punching the woman’s boyfriend in response.

“She decided to slam her coffee into my head and that’s when I decided to get up and beat up her boyfriend,” Roy said.

Which he did, slinging Karen’s stupid-cunt ass around a little as well, just for good measure. Which is where my quibble comes in. The problem: He stopped with the righteous ass-whuppin’ way, WAY too soon.

I am deadly, deadly serious about this right here: There should be many, many repeats of this action, all over the country. BUT…these beatings should NEVER end prematurely. They should, they must continue until the sniveling COVIDIOTS are bleeding profusely on the ground, a bedraggled mess of torn flesh, broken bones, and loosened teeth, completely incapable of struggling to their feet and staggering away under their own power. Otherwise, the salutary purpose of ramming a most useful lesson right down the throats of these meddlesome, self-righteous busybodies will fail to really stick.

And we can’t be having that, now can we? Ah well, enjoy the vid anyway; as they say, the journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. And while we’re embedding videos here, I dunno, but somehow the star-belly sneeches getting their just comeuppance above reminded me all to hell and gone of the lyrics to this old classic.




It’s time for Kens and Karens everywhere to taste what they most fear, all right. Their recent string of unanswered victories has gotten thoroughly up their noses, as Wodehouse used to say; they’re emboldened now, and won’t ever stop until they get themselves a good bellyful of said fear.

The feel-good video of the year

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“DO! YOU! UNDER! STAND! ME!!” Bet he does now, the weedy little punk-ass bitch.



The rib-rocking thud as the undernourished twerp’s back makes contact with the sidewalk—HARD—is one of the most gratifying sounds I think I’ve ever heard. Somehow, I picture the black guy wearing a black Marine BDU cap pulled low and tight over his eyes, and answering exclusively to either “Gunny,” “Senior Chief,” or most likely “YESSIRMRDRILLINSTRUCTORSIR!!!”

Whichever it is, if the PantiFa Nazis had experienced a lot more of what the Gunny was dishing out back when they were growing up and it would’ve done ’em some good, America would look one hell of a lot different right now.

Punch like a girl

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Must drive ’em even more nuts than they already are, I bet. After all, he’s a white guywho beat up two black guys and a Russian.

PHILADELPHIA, PA—First, the rioters came for Andrew Jackson. Then, they came for Ulysses S. Grant. Then, they came for the Fonz for some reason. But finally, they came for the ultimate racist statue: the famous monument to Rocky Balboa in front of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It’s not clear why they thought it was racist, but the guy in the statue seemed to be happy, so he was probably a conservative of some kind whenever he existed, they reasoned.

But the statue survives to fight another day, as it went a full 15 rounds against rioters and was still standing after the bout.

The weak, sissy rioters charged the statue and started punching it, hurting their little man-baby hands and running away to cry to their parents, whom they probably still live with. A second wave came in, but Rocky stood strong. Things got a little dicey in the seventh round, when one rioter threw a rope around the statue and suggested everyone start rocking it back and forth, but then their soft, buttery smooth hands got chafed by the rope and they had to call it quits to nurse their wounds with coconut oil.

“Balboa was a real champion out there,” said one witness. “It was incredible.”

Finally, after 15 waves of angry rioters charged the statue, the dust settled, and Balboa won again, having gone for a full 15 rounds without breaking a sweat. Balboa was declared the winner in a unanimous decision as the judges were appalled at the rioters’ lack of form, indicating they had never punched anything before, except maybe customers’ buy-six-get-one-free cards at Jamba Juice.

Then they all went back home to Mom’s basement for a good, long cry.

FOLLOW THE SCIENCE!!!

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Whatever you do, DON’T PANIC. Unless they tell you to.

A new pandemic is raging.  Even before the Covid 19 pandemic has subsided, the WHO has now warned that a virulent form of Hoof and Mouth disease has “jumped” species in record time from horse to humans and is threatening to devastate the planet. It is even more deadly than the original.  An appropriate name for the pathogen is being considered, as we speak. A tricky task, this, as it is imperative to avoid giving offense and fostering lasting grievance on the part of those who would level the charge of speciesism.  After all, equine phobia is a thing. We must avoid maligning horses and their hoofs at all cost. Needless to say, the same consideration must apply to their owners, as well as their countries of domicile and origin.

Let us discuss the symptoms: Because we are confronted with a new disease, the syndrome and its various manifestations are still regarded as capable of impressive plasticity—that is, they are changing and changeable. The disease can rampage through every organ, bone, nerve, blood vessel and system in your body. The result is manifold noxious, painful, and deadly symptoms that appear to be unrelated to each other. Furthermore, these symptoms are similar to every disease, ailment, malady discomfort and inconvenience that you, or anyone else in the world, has ever experienced. Thus, it is easily confused with other morbidities. But, make no mistake about it, the underlying cause can only be one thing when testing indicates that the pathogen is present.

Curiously enough, the pathogen has an affinity for the right foot of its human host. At this early stage of the pandemic, we can already state, with confidence, that the microbe can be detected by the application of a simple laboratory test to the right foot. A swab administered between the big toe and second toe with a sterile Q-Tip is capable of rendering a true positive, false positive, true negative or false negative result, based on the suppleness of the skin.  In short, the test is just as efficacious as the current Covid 19 test. A small fragment of DNA of the patient’s skin is sufficient for one of the above four possible diagnoses.

However, acute observational skills are also imperative!  Let us describe what we definitively know: In addition to the laboratory test, the disease can also be diagnosed visually, if the carrier’s big right toe angulates away from the foot, upward by one fourth of an inch, in either or both directions.

Because an emergency has been declared, a vaccine is being rushed to market and will be ready between six months and two years from now.  It will be administered alongside the greatly anticipated vaccine for Covid 19. By necessity, we have dispensed with the usual safety controls required for other drugs. Fortunately, therapeutics, such as hydroxychloroquine, widely in use for over 70 years for other diseases, and proven safe for them, is frowned upon by pharmacists. They are withholding the drug from the patients whose doctors prescribe them for Covid 19. Obviously, the pharmacist’s judgment should and does pre-empt the advice of the patient’s doctor!  The pharmacist studied drugs in school.  That is why he or she is called a pharmacist. What does a doctor know?

Now that we know what we are dealing with, what do we do to prevent the spread?  We cannot simply wait for the vaccine. Patience is not an option. There is no time for that. We must act now!

Fortunately, our experience with Covid 19 has paved the way for imposing the additional discipline required for battle against the soon to be renamed disease originating from the beloved horse. First of all, we have become accustomed to sheltering in place. We now have learned to distinguish between essential and non-essential businesses.  We wear a mask and we maintain social distance. Furthermore, we are intensely motivated to continue to observe the above admonitions, rules, and guidelines, thanks to our recent and current riots.

The riots have taught us that the nonessential businesses are the ones that the rioters have looted, ransacked, and burned.  We know that they are nonessential because we are still alive even though those businesses are gone. If they had been essential, I would not be writing this essay and you would not be reading it. 

This would seem to be satire worthy of the Bee itself…OR IS IT?!? No matter what, we must all proceed with extreme caution to eliminate all risk until we’re absolutely certain one way or the other. Therefore, I am pleased to join the author in her urgent call for a new national and/or state and/or local and/or neighborhood decree requiring every American to…

No, I can’t do it; you gotta go read the whole thing to find out.

National chaos worsens

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I repeat: hey, sure, why the hell not.

Fort Rucker in flames after Black Hawk Lives Matter protest
What began as a peaceful demonstration by Black Hawk pilots frustrated after years of being marginalized by Chinook pilots turned suddenly violent.

As crowds of aviators were shouting, “Justice for Igor Sikorsky!” a few broke away and began vandalizing CH-47s spray painting “Black Hawk Lives Matter!” on their fuselages. “That’s when it all hit the fan,” said an anonymous warrant officer who was used to remaining anonymous. Suddenly offended by the presence of fixed-wing aircraft and any design that deviated from the main rotor/tail rotor configuration, the swelling mob descended on Fort Rucker’s aviation museum toppling and burning anything with a propeller or more than one main rotor.

In an effort to deescalate the situation, the base commander, Lieutenant General Durkan, ordered military police to evacuate the museum until things cooled down. Almost immediately barricades were erected by angry Black Hawk pilots who began spray painting “AMPAB” and “F*** 31B” on the museum walls and displays that were still standing. Declaring the museum an independent country, the pilots called it the “Black Hawk Autonomous Landing Zone” and posted signs reading, “NO MP LZ.” The name was then changed to the “Black Hawk Organized Protest” or BHOP for short. In an effort to show solidarity and understanding, Captain Carpenter who is an Apache pilot, joined the crowd but was shortly beaten into a coma.

Meanwhile, Brigadier General Cathy, a career CH-47 pilot, offered to shine the boots of a Black Hawk pilot and urged other CH-47 pilots to follow his example. His efforts were hampered when he realized that nobody in the army any longer wears boots that can be polished. Nevertheless, General Cathy maintained that his offer was sincere.

“This isn’t ending,” said Lieutenant King, “until everything that flies looks like a Black Hawk and every former Chinook driver buys us a beer whenever we walk into the officers’ club.”

Makes as much sense as anything else does these days.

What the hell, why not?

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Sure, he’s kind of a nut. But he’s an all-American nut just the same.

Grammy-winner rapper and fashion mogul Kanye West took to Twitter on Independence Day to announce that he is “running for president of the United States.”

“We must now realize the promise of America by trusting God, unifying our vision and building our future. I am running for president of the United States!” tweeted West on Saturday. While the rapper did (not) elaborate on when he would try to run for president, he did include the hashtag #2020VISION in his tweet.

West has teased his intention to run for U.S. President for years.

In 2019, the rapper stated, “there will be a time when I will be the president of the US, and I will remember… any founder that didn’t have the capacity to understand culturally what we were doing.” The “Jesus Is King” rapper made headlines in 2018 after delivering an impassioned 10-minute speech from the Oval Office as he sat across from President Trump.

“Let’s stop worrying about the future. All we really have is today,” he said, before adding: “Trump is on his hero’s journey right now, and he might not have expected to have a crazy motherfucker like Kanye West.”

Before you dismiss this as just another slice of cray-cray and/or self-aggrandizing silliness, remember that he and Trump get along famously. Consider that for a minute, then note Glenn’s suggestion that there might indeed be a method to the apparent madness here: “HE’LL STRIP BLACK VOTES FROM BIDEN IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS, AND HE KNOWS THAT.”

I like it. I like it a lot.

Vicious cycle indeed

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As the title says:

An Unexpected Cultural Clue About America Today, from…Elvis
Elvis Presley’s 1969 hit, “In the Ghetto” provides a prescient glimpse of what would later happen to generations of young black men who lived out their short lives on the mean streets of America’s urban ghettos.

As his first big hit in more than eight years, “In the Ghetto” played a key role in resurrecting his singing career, which floundered in the 1960s when he transitioned away from live performances to pursue an acting career in Hollywood.

Written by singer/songwriter Mac Davis, the song was originally titled “The Vicious Cycle,” an apt description of the endless trail of tragedies that would befall millions of young men fated to be born in the ghettos of America’s biggest cities. 

Now, the article itself is good, and you should definitely take a gander at it. Needless to say, the song is a bona fide classic—a powerful, unforgettable piece that Elvis did a most moving rendition of, rightly vaulting the once and forever King back to the pinnacle of artistic and commercial success after his long 60s drought.

But it immediately put me in mind of the parody version Paul Shanklin did for Rush Limbaugh years ago, too. So I did a quick Duck Duck Go search just for the hell of it, and looky what I found.




HOWLINGLY funny, a real scream. Stick with it all the way through and I’m confident you’ll recognize which part has had me choking with laughter all damned day long. Shanklin’s rip is funny enough all by itself, but whoever put this video together is nothing less than a damned genius.

TRAGEDY!

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What little is left of my heart is not quite breaking for them.

With Statues Gone, Pigeons Forced To Poop On Rioters
U.S.—With more and more statues across the country being pulled down, pigeons are being forced to redirect their payloads to different targets.

As soon as statues are pulled down, the pigeons turn toward the nearest available target: angry rioters.

“Yes! Down with racism–AHHHHH!!!!” screamed one rioter just after pulling down a statue of Christopher Columbus. The pigeons immediately turned on him, with a squadron of the birds divebombing him to unload hundreds of pounds worth of excrement. “Run!!!”

Rioters frantically tried to put the statues back up as they were attacked by the feral flocks. “Put Christopher back! Quick!” cried one Antifa group as they were swarmed by a whole fleet of pigeon bombers. But try as they might, their weak liberal arms could not lift the statue and they were forced to flee the scene.

Those unintended consequences remain the bane of liberals everywhere.

Touchy-feely dictator

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Looks like Lords Humungi are another thing that they just ain’t making like they used to.



“Cried it out”? Group hugs, “mentoring”? Dude, SRSLY?

Well, as a far better man than I once said: my days of not taking you seriously as a warlord are definitely coming to a middle.

The greatest Tweet of ALL TIME

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Or most side-splittingly enjoyable, at the very least. Backstory:

Just as the Islamic State (ISIS) claimed territory in Iraq and Syria, antifa militants have claimed territory in Seattle, Wash. According to reports on the ground from The Post Millennial’s Andy Ngo and Townhall’s Julio Rosas, protesters and antifa instigators have seized land in the Capitol Hill area around the Seattle Police East Precinct. Like ISIS, the rioters appear to have decided on setting up a government in their occupied territory, naming it “Free Capitol Hill.”

“Seattle [Mayor Jenny Durkan] is allowing a dangerous situation to fester. [Antifa] militants have taken over & created an ‘autonomous zone’ in city w/their own rules. Police precinct abandoned. Antifa set up barricades to create a border. Calling for volunteers to provide armed guard,” Ngo tweeted.

And then the hilarity began.

CHAZ-Tweet.jpg


Delicious, no? I had to swipe the image from Ace’s joint rather than just embedding the Tweet as I usually would, because:

I wanted to find more tweets from this Soy Warrior but xhe’s now protected xhis tweets. Apparently the Soy Warrior had previously admitted to “sexually assaulting” “muliple partners” and resolved to kill ximself. I think that’s why the account is now locked.

But this person is a trans, of course, so leftwingers are rushing in to say “sexual assault doesn’t matter…for some people.”

Of course it doesn’t. As with absolutely everydamnedthing else in this rotten, God-forsaken joke of a “nation” nowadays the only thing that matters is whether the event, phenomenon, atrocity, injustice, or catastrophe can be made useful in some way to the Left. If so, fine, run with that. If not, well…not so much.

But did the hilarity stop with the above Tweet, you ask? Oh good heavens, no. Apparently, the Seattle Soy Warriors huddled all defiant behind the barricades of their newly-founded Shangri-La quickly found themselves beset by their very own version of the Lord Humungus, who unilaterally pronounced himself Dictator Supremo and proceeded to start beating the hell out of anyone who might think or act in ways that displeased Him.



It would require a heart of stone not to fall on the floor and laugh oneself sick over this whole saga, and I for one have no intention whatever of making the slightest effort not to. I will again refer you to Ace for the last word on all this:

I just can’t believe this collection of drug addict filth-squatters, unmedicated schizophrenics, trust fund Chavista weakling runts who are LARPing revolution because of the opportunities it grants them for drug-raping high school freshmen, transexual nomads with borderline personality disorder, rat-tail-braided wan blue-blotched sk8terbois who rent out their mouths in the bus station bathrooms at twenty bucks a load, homeless gender studies majors with a personal interest in fat acceptance who want to be paid to life-coach people into morbid obesity, and hardcore racist gangbanger sub-retards can’t make self-government work.

This is the left’s army — lead-brained droogs and scabrous nightwalkers convinced that they’d be on top if only the system wasn’t stacked against them.

Newsflash, you developmentally delayed, physically repulsive, low-impulse-control mentally sick losers: You’d be on the bottom of any system.

You will always sink to the bottom. You are refuse.

Myself, I long to see a police cordon formed around Liberal Utopia, to stopper any holes the rats inside might try to flee through, until the feeble cheesedicks inside are forced to resort to cannibalism to survive, however long that may take. Then, after clear evidence is seen confirming that they have indeed been forced by deathly hunger to kill, cook, and consume at the very least two of their fellows—and only then—have the cops release them one at a time back into the world. As they pass, each of them should be firmly asked, in the most scornful, scolding, Church-Lady tone they can muster: “Now, what have we learned, children?”

And then, as each wayward brat staggers on off back to his squalid personal domicile in Mommy’s basement, put a bullet in the back of his/her/its fucking empty head. Viola, problem solved, period fucking dot.

There’s always a workaround, and Americans always find it

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I don’t care what anybody has to say about “the Tribe,” the “international Jewish conspiracy,” and yadda yadda yadda, dammit. I like (((((DEM JOOOOZ!!))))) anyway.



It’s a crime that it had to come to this, but in the United Soviet Socialist Republic of Amerika, that is how it’s fucking DONE, kids.

Status quo ante

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The more things change, the more they etc.

U.S.—Americans in some states are finally starting to feel normal again, now that stay-at-home orders are being lifted. Children are at the park again, adults are back at the bar, and the elderly continue to play bingo at 4 p.m. sharp on a daily basis.  

But there’s one thing that has everybody feeling at a near-peak level of normal: conservatives are going to work while liberals stay at home and do nothing—just like always.

“We can now say with undeniable certainty that these are normal times,” explained social psychologist Ben O’Reilly as he handed a hippie a twenty-dollar bill. “Conservatives are once again doing all the hard work to keep the economy afloat, while liberals sit at home, pretend to be sick with the Coronavirus, and collect government paychecks. Congratulations America, you are back to normal!”

While some conservatives are upset that liberals get to stay home and mooch off of them, most say they don’t even care anymore.

“I just want to get back to work,” said Jared Renfro, an electrician from Wisconsin. “If liberals don’t want to work, hey, more power to them. I don’t mind paying their bills.” Renfro then polished his “Trump 2020” bumper sticker and hopped in his truck.   

Well, it’s not as if all those gender-studies grads, government employees, and liberal-dweeb college professors were doing anything particularly useful anyway.

Update! IF EVEN ONE LIFE IS SAV…uhhh, wait a sec here.

LANSING, MI- Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan took her already excessive restrictions in her state in the fight against Covid-19 a step further this morning when she announced that any violations of the executive order may authorize the use of lethal force by law enforcement.

The Michigan Governor stated, “If you think you can just go out and buy a bag of charcoal, think again. Going out for unnecessary purchases and risking the spread of Covid-19 would be no different than going out and shooting a gun at random people. It’s time we accept the reality of the situation and treat such instances accordingly.”

Michigan has already been essentially under house arrest with a risk of jail or a $1,000 fine for residents who simply leave their homes. Entire sections of areas in Michigan grocery stores of items deemed “non-essential” have been roped off to satisfy Gretchen Whitmer’s brand of compassionate authoritarianism. Items like bug spray and outdoor supplies among many other goods are now forbidden to be purchased by Michigan residents.

Gov. Whitmer’s authorization of lethal force for violation of the order has completed the task of making her power and reach absolute, as no resident of Michigan is now safe from the prospect of being publicly executed by their Governor.

Although the measure admittedly may never be fully implemented, the Governor has described it as a necessary symbolic gesture to show how far she is willing to go to protect her loyal subjects.

The profoundly Kafka-esque nature of our current national absurdity has made distinguishing between satire and reality so tough that Reuters is barely even trying anymore.

Social media users are circulating an article with a headline that reads, “Whitmer authorizes lethal force to maintain state lockdown” ( here ). It refers to Michigan’s Governor Gretchen Whitmer (D).

The claim comes amid a series of demonstrations against coronavirus-related lockdowns across key electoral battleground states like Michigan ( here ).

The article has been flagged multiple times as part of Facebook’s efforts to curb misinformation related to the new coronavirus.

The claim is false. It stems from a satirical article on the website The People’s Cube. The article lists the author as “Chedoh, Kommissar of Viral Infections, Hero of Change, Prophet of the Future Truth”. Despite these red flags, some social media users believe the story is authentic, making comments like “You need to vote her out!” and “The Power all Democrats want”.

On March 24, Whitmer passed an executive order suspending non-essential activities across the state ( here ). On April 13, Whitmer issued another executive order to extend the lockdown measures until April 30 ( here ). Neither of the orders specified enforcement conditions aside from mentioning that, “Consistent with MCL 10.33 and MCL 30.405(3), a willful violation of this order is a misdemeanor”. Michigan is one of 42 states where governors have ordered residents to remain indoors except for necessary outings like grocery shopping or doctor’s visits, while closing schools, universities and non-essential businesses.

VERDICT
False: Michigan Governor Whitmer has not authorized “lethal force” to maintain lockdown measures meant to prevent the spread of the new coronavirus. This claim comes from a satirical article.

This article was produced by the Reuters Fact Check team. Read more about our fact checking work here .

Oh, I believe I’ve read just about all I need to about your “work” at this point, guys.

Spade: spade

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The great James Woods puts it to ’em straight.

“Let’s face it. Donald Trump is a rough individual,” Woods tweeted to his 2.73 million followers on Sunday afternoon.

“He is vain, insensitive and raw. But he loves America more than any President in my lifetime,” he added. “He is the last firewall between us and this cesspool called Washington. I’ll take him any day over any of these bums.”

A few hours later, Trump gratefully responded to the tweet.

“I think that is a great compliment. Thank you James!” the president wrote.

Woods and Trump both were on fi-yah over the weekend, burning up the Twitterverse with plenty more in the above rich vein.

Update! More 24-karat-gold Truth. And if you think it ain’t related to the above, better think again.

OCONTO – Some taverns and restaurants in Oconto County opened their doors to customers soon after the Wisconsin Supreme Court overturned the state’s safer-at-home order late Wednesday afternoon.

Irish Greens Golf Club just northeast of Oconto wasted no time in starting to serve customers, said owner Ken Sikora.

As it happened, a men’s golf league meeting was already planned for 6 p.m. Wednesday, and Sikora opened the bar afterwards.

“People enjoyed it immensely,” he said, adding his customers weren’t the only ones.

“We went out to a couple of bars in town that were open, and there was quite a few people out and about,” Sikora said. “The people who said nobody was going to go out because they’re scared, don’t understand.”

Sikora said he felt the order was unconstitutional.

“You don’t have a right to take away my constitutional rights because you’re afraid to die,” he said. “You don’t have that right. You have the right to stay home…you have the right to protect yourself, to take any safety (steps) you need.”

So simple, so just plain obvious, it shouldn’t even have to be said out loud. And yet.

(Via MisHum)

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CF Glossary

ProPol: Professional Politician

Vichy GOPe: Putative "Republicans" who talk a great game but never can seem to find a hill they consider worth dying on; Quislings, Petains, Benedicts, backstabbers, fake phony frauds

Fake Phony Fraud(s), S'faccim: two excellent descriptors coined by the late great WABC host Bob Grant which are interchangeable, both meaning as they do pretty much the same thing

Mordor On The Potomac: Washington, DC

The Enemy: shitlibs, Progtards, Leftards, Swamp critters, et al ad nauseum

Burn, Loot, Murder: what the misleading acronym BLM really stands for

pAntiFa: an alternative spelling of "fascist scum"

"Mike Hendrix is, without a doubt, the greatest one-legged blogger in the world." ‐Henry Chinaski

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Correspondence

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Notable Quotes

"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards."
—Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

Claire's Cabal—The Freedom Forums

FREEDOM!!!

"There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
—Daniel Webster

“When I was young I was depressed all the time. But suicide no longer seemed a possibility in my life. At my age there was very little left to kill.”
—Charles Bukowski

“A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him.”
—Ezra Pound

“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it’s profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.”
—Frank Zappa

“The right of a nation to kill a tyrant in case of necessity can no more be doubted than to hang a robber, or kill a flea.”
—John Adams

"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves."
—Bertrand de Jouvenel

"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."
—GK Chesterton

"I predict that the Bush administration will be seen by freedom-wishing Americans a generation or two hence as the hinge on the cell door locking up our freedom. When my children are my age, they will not be free in any recognizably traditional American meaning of the word. I’d tell them to emigrate, but there’s nowhere left to go. I am left with nauseating near-conviction that I am a member of the last generation in the history of the world that is minimally truly free."
—Donald Sensing

"The only way to live free is to live unobserved."
—Etienne de la Boiete

"History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid."
—Dwight D. Eisenhower

"To put it simply, the Left is the stupid and the insane, led by the evil. You can’t persuade the stupid or the insane and you had damn well better fight the evil."
—Skeptic

"There is no better way to stamp your power on people than through the dead hand of bureaucracy. You cannot reason with paperwork."
—David Black, from Turn Left For Gibraltar

"If the laws of God and men, are therefore of no effect, when the magistracy is left at liberty to break them; and if the lusts of those who are too strong for the tribunals of justice, cannot be otherwise restrained than by sedition, tumults and war, those seditions, tumults and wars, are justified by the laws of God and man."
—John Adams

"The limits of tyranny are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress."
—Frederick Douglass

"Give me the media and I will make of any nation a herd of swine."
—Joseph Goebbels

“I hope we once again have reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: As government expands, liberty contracts.”
—Ronald Reagan

"Ain't no misunderstanding this war. They want to rule us and aim to do it. We aim not to allow it. All there is to it."
—NC Reed, from Parno's Peril

"I just want a government that fits in the box it originally came in."
—Bill Whittle

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