Category: Damn that’s funny!

Creature feature

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Harpy (noun)

har·​py | \ ˈhär-pē  \
plural harpies

Definition of harpy
1 capitalized : a foul malign creature in Greek mythology that is part woman and part bird
2: a shrewish woman

Synonyms
battle-axe, dragon lady, harridan, shrew, termagant


Just in time to freeze the blood of every male in existence for Halloween, and make his testicles draw all the way up into the back of his throat—because they’ve heard that tune before, too may times, and know all too well what it forebodes. Every one of the guys I forwarded the vid to confessed with a shudder that they could only stand about ten or fifteen seconds of it before having to turn it off, and no wonder; one of them compared its powerful psychological impact to what he imagined having a needle-sharp icicle plunged straight into his heart might feel like. Via our old friend Stephen, whose lovely wife thankfully does NOT resemble the above dictionary in any way, bless herwarm, sweet heart.

As shitlib propagandist Walter Cronkite used to intone gravely: it oughta scaaaare yuh to death. But it does make for a note-perfect segue into tonight’s TuneDamage selection, I do believe.




That’s the legendary Swedish band Backyard Babies, masters of a subgenre that came to be known as Sleaze Rock. Their guitarist, Dregen, was also in another fine aggregation of Swedish hard-rockers yclept the Hellacopters, who I’ll have to remember to feature here sometime soon. I’m eternally grateful for having been put onto both bands by an Australian BPs fan, Helen, with whom I was quite close friends indeed for a goodish while there. Well, as close as two people can ever be who live half a world away from each other, I guess.

All Swedish rock bands have a rep for being almost preternaturally precise in their songwriting, performing, and recording too—a rep which is entirely justified, if you ask me. That almost anal-retentive approach to music holds true across genres, too; some Swedish buds of mine have a rockabilly outfit called the Go-Getters, and it’s the exact same way with them. They’re crazy good, almost too perfect, like some kind of clockwork machine when it comes to their music.

But to talk to ’em, Peter and his boys are just the nicest, most polite bunch of tall, blonde, blue-eyed devils you’d ever want to meet. Perhaps unexpectedly, though, they have not a trace of the cold, aloof arrogance that seems to be hardwired into the German musicians I’ve known. They had some swagger onstage, which is as it should always be, but offstage Peter and the other Swedish players I’ve had the opportunity to spend some green-room time with were all diffident and deferential, almost to the point of being downright painfully shy.

Be they arrogant or retiring, those Swedes can sure lay down some mighty fine rock and roll, all of ’em I ever heard tell of anyway.

You GO, sassy girl!

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However Roberts-like a disappointment she may or may not turn out to be eventually, I do like the cut of her jib so far.



Via Bill.

Update! Okay, I admit did NOT see this coming.

Senate Democrats said earlier this week that they hoped to defeat the nomination of Judge Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court by focusing “on the issues and the merits.”

Now, on day two of her testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Dems are telling reporters are impressed with what they see.

While Barrett was still being grilled Tuesday, even liberal reporters on CNN and NBC  had to admit that she was doing a good job answering the Senators’ questions.

Sen. John Cornyn, (R-Texas) had earlier asked Barrett about how she had prepared for the hearing.

All morning long, Barrett effortlessly answered questions on a wide range of judicial matters, and was able to summon from memory her own past judgments and those of other courts.

“You know most of us have multiple notebooks and notes and books and things like that in front of us,” Cornyn said. “Can you hold up what you’ve been referring to in answering our questions?”

Barrett smiled and held up a blank notepad that was sitting in front of her.

“Is there anything on it?” Cornyn asked.

“The letterhead that says ‘United States Senate,’” she responded.

“That’s impressive,” Cornyn said.

Won’t stop all the Demonrats from voting against her confirmation, I’m sure.

FINALLY

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Trump says: lolgf

The CPD announced early Thursday that “the second presidential debate will take the form of a town meeting, in which the candidates would participate from separate remote locations.” Steve Scully of C-SPAN is still set to moderate the second presidential debate from Miami.

But, in a Fox Business interview Thursday, the president said he would not take part in a virtual debate.

“The commission changed the debate style and that’s not acceptable to us,” Trump said on “Mornings with Maria.” “I beat him in the first debate, I beat him easily.”

“I’m not going to do a virtual debate,” Trump went on. “I’m not going to waste my time at a virtual debate.”

During his interview on Thursday, the president said he wasn’t going to “sit at a computer” to debate, calling it “ridiculous.”

“They’re trying to protect Biden,” Trump said. “Everybody is.”

Of COURSE they are. For one thing, the so-called “moderator” for the next scheduled shitshow, as has been standard practice for decades now, is just another Mark-1 Mod-0 shitlib:

C-SPAN’s Steve Scully, who is scheduled to moderate the next presidential debate, formerly interned for 2020 presidential candidate Joe Biden.

Scully, who did not immediately respond to a request for comment from the Daily Caller News Foundation, described his internships for both Biden and former Democratic Massachusetts Sen. Ted Kennedy in a 2011 interview with The Cable Center.

He also worked as a high-school student for Jimmeh Peanut. Seen enough? Oh wait, there’s more:

Scully in March 2016 tweeted an anti-Trump column titled “No, Not Trump, Not Ever.”

“Donald Trump is epically unprepared to be president,” reads the New York Times opinion piece that Scully tweeted. “He has no realistic policies, no advisers, no capacity to learn.”

“His vast narcissism makes him a closed fortress. He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and he’s uninterested in finding out. He insults the office Abraham Lincoln once occupied by running for it with less preparation than most of us would undertake to buy a sofa,” the piece continues.

Scully also posted a photo of himself with Biden in June 2016.

So the question appears to be not “is this guy capable of performing the function of an impartial, neutral moderator in an honest debate?” but “is he even INTERESTED in doing so?”

Enough already—enough, and then some. Shit-can these shitshows, Mr Preznit—all of them, for all time. There is no reason whatsoever to subject yourself, to subject the American people, to another of these worse-than-worthless events. Don’t waste your time, and ours, on them. There are plenty of more worthwhile uses for it, plenty of much better venues from which you can speak directly to Real Americans. Such as:

Rush Limbaugh is undergoing treatment for cancer and has been unable to be behind the golden EIB microphone regularly. While he’s out every couple of weeks, guest hosts have been filling in, such as the incomparable Mark Steyn, Todd Herman, and others. But on Friday, October 9, the guest host filling in will be the most famous guest host of all time: President Donald J. Trump.

Listeners will be able to send their questions to the president through a special inbox on the Rush Limbaugh website. Rush recorded a message announcing the news to his fans.

I love it. The Jurassic Media can only act as gatekeepers, filtering and manipulating the message in any way they desire, only for as long as they’re allowed to. Deny them access, and you deny them the power of that cherished “gatekeeper” role. Do an end-run around them, on those occasions when you can’t just ignore them entirely, and let them howl about it till they’re blue in the face and gasping for air. There’s no longer any good reason to even pretend to care what they think, and one hell of a lot of good reasons not to.

Motley Krewe

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To quote Dennis Hopper: gonna go down to the Mardi Gras, gonna get me a Mardi Gras queen, yeah!

Before Danielle Wheeler founded the Krewe of Karens in 2019, she had never gone topical. She’d always been in the “cinched corset and glitter” camp of Carnival costumers. Though Wheeler admired clever people who dreamed up outfits that meshed with current events or social fads, such ideas didn’t pop into her head.

Until she had an epiphany.

“Karen” is a pop culture code name for a certain type of self-assured, SUV-driving, sunglass-wearing, suburban White woman who is often aggrieved about life’s inconveniences and imperfections.

“A woman is deemed a Karen for her repeated attempts to demand to see the manager of an establishment,” Wheeler said, “more often than not issuing a complaint that we might refer to as a ‘first-world problem.’”

A Karen, Wheeler realized, was the perfect antithesis to the anything goes, laissez-faire attitude of Carnival. The question was, would anyone understand the character?

“The concept of the Karen was still a relatively new term,” Wheeler said. “I hoped that enough friends knew exactly what I was talking about when I presented them with the idea of dressing as a Karen to help make the Krewe of Karens become a reality.”

Wheeler’s friends understood perfectly, and the costume was simple to produce. A reverse-bob wig, sweater, sunglasses, a Starbucks coffee cup and a Karen name tag was about all that was necessary to produce the look. There was a touch of performance as well. Instead of smiling, the Karens posed imperiously for photographs, and they developed a call and response chant: “What do we want? Managers! When do we want them? Now!”

No one appreciated the gag better than the bartenders and other service industry employees that the Karens encountered on their first march through the Marigny and French Quarter on Lundi Gras 2019. A few onlookers were confused by the Karen persona. A woman whose name was actually Karen felt she’d found her flock (though Wheeler said it was uncertain if she fully grasped the satire).

Ms Wheeler seems to have a good grasp on the Karen phenomena in all its irritating wretchedness, but I believe the author of the article may not be quite as, umm, astute:

A few months after Mardi Gras 2020, a White woman walking her dog in New York’s Central Park quarreled with a Black man who was birdwatching. She subsequently called the police, claiming she was in danger. The woman was widely described as a Karen.

At about the same time, women who refused to wear coronavirus-suppressing masks were often referred to as Karens.

Well, actually, no. Karens were the ones who were mask-shaming, berating, and even physically asssaulting Mask Of Submission resisters, in truth. But no matter. Hats off to Ms Wheeler and her compatriots for coming up with a brilliant new wrinkle for the Mardi Gras festivities.

Although I must admit that cinched corsets and glitter are still just fine with me, too.

Just keep talkin’, Gropey

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Biden steps in it again. Only this time, stalwart legal eagle and all-around Great American Lin Wood is on the case.



Apparently, Cadaver Joe was “unresponsive,” shall we say, to Wood’s retraction demand. So Wood says he’ll see his baggy ass in court.



Kyle Rittenhouse is going to be a very, very wealthy man before he reaches legal drinking age, and it delights me no end to think that part of his pile will be gleaned from Gropey’s ill-gotten gelt. Meanwhile, Ace makes a funny:

Please remind Lin Wood that a retraction is needed from Chris Wallace’s Lemon Party Pal Joe Biden, too.

Heh. For any of you who are unfamiliar with the “Lemon Party” reference…well, far be it from me to be the one to hip ya. But I fully intend to make use of it myself from here on in.

A gem of invective

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As Wanda Jackson sang: he’s a mean mean man.

I don’t think most people realize how many random jerkoffs show up to scream at me anytime I post anything. Which is why I get all these other well-intentioned types going “tsk tsk, Larry Correia is SO RUDE on the internet. He should be nicer.”

Of course, if these people who chide me about my rudeness had to put up with my social media feed for 24 hours, they’d either be curled up the fetal position on their shower floor, weeping. Or they would lose their shit and go on a tri-state killing spree.

I don’t think some of you realize what it is like to be a little bit famous with the wrong politics, but here, let me try to help. Let’s say that you put up a post about anything from current events which is even sort of controversial.

When I do that, people start to share it to their pages, where various strangers see it, and are inevitably compelled to come back to my page to tell me how I’m a horrible person who should die. Then the morons come flooding in. An endless stream of idiots, barking, hooting, screaming, throwing their feces, and dragging their diseased anuses on my carpet. And all of them feel compelled to share their bullshit hot takes with me, a total stranger, in the mistaken belief that they’re going to browbeat me or shame me into silence.

Good luck with that!

I’m pretty sure there is a mathematical formula to this. Y number of shares, R is the rate of controversy, find for X, which is the number of vapid morons blundering onto my page.

Three days ago I put up that post refuting the meme about the RNC speakers. By the time it got shared a thousand times, off the top of my head I think that thread got me an insane healing power of crystals hippie, five morons calling me names who were so incoherent that I couldn’t actually tell what they were upset by, a couple Common Internet Shit Gibbons, a Socialist Lemming, some pseudo-intellectual gotcha attempts from people who aren’t smart enough to pick up dog turds in the park for a living, and one incredibly boring dope who babbled about his asinine philosophy on EVERYTHING for THREE DAYS STRAIGHT. By the end I was reading all his posts in the voice of Colin Robinson.

That was ONE POST. But not a single death threat, or anyone wishing for me to get cancer… So that was actually kind of nice. I had one last month, with 8,000 comments, where I ended up blocking over 100 people in 24 hours. That was nuts. Apparently, where all these people come from, blundering into a stranger’s living room and screaming in his face is a “conversation”. And if you don’t put up with their endless abuse, you’re obviously a bad person.

Awesome. I’ll be the bad guy.

And THEN he takes the gloves off.

More Depends, STAT!

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Should she have to drop out of the race for any reason, I have a suggestion for who Kamala Harris’s replacement might be.



What with Biden pissing himself and now Nadler shitting himself, the Democrat-Incontinent Party appears to have its hands pants full. Reminds me of this deathless act of revenge:



If you’ve never seen it before, trust me: stick with it. Great scene, great movie.

Laff riot!

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BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!



In case you can’t see the vid—which you will deeply regret missing, believe me—the deranged shitlib was actually hanging to the hips out of the driver-side window, turned sideways and flipping off the Trump rally-goers with both hands, screaming profane epithets at them.

Then she rearended the car ahead of her.

Then the cops walked up, hopefully to cite her stupid ass for reckless driving, negligence, reckless endangerment, and any and every other charge they could come up with.

Dumb fucking bitch.

Proud Boys just out and out fucking with their heads now

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Living rent-free in empty Pantifa skulls.

The Proud Boys advertised a fake rally in West Philadelphia’s Clark Park on Saturday, causing Antifa to flood the streets.

When the Proud Boys did not show up, they attacked conservative independent media instead.

As the Gateway Pundit reported earlier in the day, the militant leftists attacked two conservatives who were filming the protest. They also attacked a vehicle they believed to belong to the conservatives, but actually belonged to someone who was there in support of their cause. There was a frightened dog inside while they smashed the windows out with hammers.

Speaking to the Gateway Pundit about the fake rally, Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio said that “SOMETIMES…all it takes for evil to fail is for good men to do nothing.”

“The Philly ProudBoys decided this was the best approach today. They wanted to show the world exactly what unchecked domestic terrorism does to a city. It’s incredibly sad that in 2020 America all someone has to do to be threatened with violence is say they’re going to a park to practice their first amendment rights. Besides attacking journalist that were on the scene they attacked themselves. They beat and broke windows on what seemed to be a vehicle owned by an Antifa militant. So I’m extremely Proud of my boys today. Some of these boys had a hangover and watched Antifa on Antifa violence from the comfort of their living rooms,” Tarrio said.

I say again: I just love these guys so much. I really, really do.

The Proud Boys have also launched a new website opposing Antifa, where you can keep track of their upcoming rallies.

“The threat from Domestic terror groups like Antifa and BLM are on the rise. That is why we started EndAntifa.com. The ProudBoys will return to Portland on the 26th of this month despite the death threats and calls for violence,” Tarrio said. “We intend to have a peaceful event and shine even more light on these acts of terror. The reason why Philly is so violent is because they have taken a page from the Portland playbook. It’s time for the mayhem to end…The American people have had enough.”

Duly bookmarked and blogrolled, Mr Tarrio sir. Bless every one of y’all’s valiant hearts, most sincerely, from me to you. Long may the Proud Boy standard wave.

No easy answer

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Californy’s political “leadership” ponders the imponderable.

SACRAMENTO, CA—California is currently on fire, having also been plagued by darkness, earthquakes, and hippies. State leaders are claiming they have “no idea” why God keeps lighting them on fire, though they just voted to reduce penalties for pedophiles in the name of equality for the LGBTQ+ community.

“It’s unclear here what exactly we’re being punished for,” said Governor Gavin Newsom at a press conference as the state burned down around him. “We are a progressive utopia. We’re the other states in fast-forward. We pass amazing legislation that shows our love and inclusiveness of pedophiles of all sexual orientations. We are doing exactly what Socialist Jesus would want us to.”

Hm. I believe I see your mistake here, fellas. I boldfaced it to help y’all out. No need to thank me; in fact, I’d kinda rather you didn’t, and just carried on. As you were.

Mask ON

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Sure, what the hell, why not.

SACRAMENTO, CA—Fresh off his fireside chat to the state of California last week, Governor Gavin Newsom is announcing swift action to combat the spread of wild global-warming fires in his state. According to sources, Newsom will be signing an executive order requiring all trees to wear masks so that they don’t catch fire.

“My proposal is proven and grounded in SCIENCE,” said the governor in a statement. “Everyone knows masks work. They stop things from spreading. They stop COVID from spreading. Of course, they would also stop fires from spreading! SCIENCE tells us that masks solve almost every problem that has ever existed. This isn’t that difficult. These are facts. It’s just SCIENCE!”

Starting this week, Police, Firefighters, and Forest Management Personnel will be tasked with applying a giant mask to every single tree in the state. The governor is also considering requiring all sea turtles in California to also wear masks to prevent straws from getting stuck in their noses.

Makes as much sense as anything else does these days.

Street protest

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Street justice, more like. As SteveF quips, the title says it all.

Peak 2020: Man Takes Dump on Pelosi’s Driveway in San Francisco – Live-Streams It

Man, I’m loving this story already. There’s video, which you may be forgiven for not being terribly interested in viewing. Steve continues:

Normally I disapprove of open defecation on hygiene grounds but I’ll make an exception for every politician in and of San Francisco. (And Portland, Seattle, Minneapolis, New York City, and Atlanta, on the chance that someone reading this is near one of these cities, knows where a politician lives, and is willing to take leave one for the team.)

Add Chicago to that list, buddy. Just for starters.

Checking out, the hard way

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Haven’t posted a Bee of late. But after possibly busting a couple of ribs laughing at this one, I gotta fix that.

UhaulWarRig.jpg


U-Haul Introduces Armored War Rigs For Californians Trying To Flee State’s Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland
CALIFORNIA—To help meet the demand of millions of people desperately trying to escape the dark, ravaged wasteland of California, U-Haul is introducing a new product in its moving van line-up: the War Rig. These weaponized, armored moving vehicles will ensure you and your belongings stay safe during the long and perilous journey out of the state.

“We knew it was time to introduce some more serious vehicles to our fleet,” said local U-Haul franchise owner Glax Destroyer, who manages 12 locations in Southern California. “We brought in the War Rig to supplement our completely depleted fleet of moving vans. With everyone leaving in droves, we don’t have much left. We’re pretty much salvaging old trucks from the junkyard and then adding armor plating and mounted weapons.”

Sources confirm that each War Rig will comfortably seat a traditionally-sized California family of one person. They boast a fuel economy of 6 miles per gallon of guzzoline, which the U-Haul location will provide.

“I live! I die! I live again!” cried one patriarch as he led his family through the desert and toward Arizona in one of the new U-Haul War Rigs. “Witness me!”

Mr. Destroyer encourages customers to come early to secure their rigs before his power goes out and everything bursts into flames. 

Kinda hate to just cop the whole danged thing entire like that, but without the image it just seemed…incomplete, somehow. After that, it was in for a penny, in for a pound, pretty much.

STRONG message follows

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Scott Adams waxes uncharacteristically, ummm, vitriolic, shall we say.

Scott Adams: Brain-Dead Race Hoaxer Joe Biden Is The Biggest Asshole In America

There, see what I mean? Not that he’s wrong about any of that, mind.

Scott Adams, the creator of ‘Dilbert’ and a student of persuasion, explains why he thinks that Joe Biden citing the 2017 “fine people” in Charlottesville “race hoax” during his DNC acceptance speech disqualifies him from being the president, on his Friday morning “Coffee With Scott Adams” podcast.

Adams said “the fact that he based his campaign on being the guy of good character and the one who cares, while at the same time and in the same speech perpetuated the most divisive race hoax in American history — the fine people hoax,” is disqualifying for Biden.

“He’s basing his campaign on a debunked hoax,” he said. “What do people who believe the hoax say? ‘Oh, you right-wing crazy people are trying to tell us we didn’t hear it with our own ears. I saw it and I heard it and I can prove it. Here’s the video of what I saw and what I heard.’ And then, they’ll show the edited video — which is the hoax.”

“The f***ing ‘fine people’ hoax is the tentpole hoax that makes stupid people who believe the fake news believe that it is all true. It is the only one they think they saw with their own eyes because it got edited. And because they’re sure that one’s true, it makes all the other hoaxes seem true, and it makes everyone who supports Trump look like assholes,” he said a few minutes later. “Joe Biden, if you’re making your fellow citizens targets for violence and discrimination, and you’re doing it intentionally, you are not worthy of being a citizen of this country, much less a leader. You have not qualified at the basic level of understanding the Constitution.”

As incredible as it may seem, the usually soft-spoken, mild-mannered Adams is just getting warmed up, going on to blast away at Senile Uncle Gropey even more ferociously from there. Rightly so, too.

Yes, yes, yes, YES!!!

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THIS. This, x amillionbillionzillionkajillion.

Fuck you

Saw this beauty flying proudly from a pickup bed earlier today, and I couldn’t keep myself from whooping right out loud. Available for purchase here, for anyone out there who can actually hear those big, brass ‘uns a-clanking when they walk.

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