Historical illiteracy: it’s not just for the Left anymore

Man alive, obsessive JOOJOOJOOOOOphobia sure does lead some of us who really ought to know better into some pretty odd places, intellectually speaking.

No, Churchill Was Not the Villain
The historian Darryl Cooper has argued in an interview on Tucker Carlson’s show that Winston Churchill “was the chief villain of World War II,” which would be both interesting and indeed shocking were his thesis not based on such staggering ignorance and disregard for historical fact that it is safe to disregard completely.

Cooper’s first argument was that Churchill “was primarily responsible for that war becoming what it did, something other than an invasion of Poland.” Yet in the moment that Adolf Hitler invaded Belgium, Holland, and Luxembourg at dawn on May 10, 1940, Winston Churchill was not even prime minister. Unless Mr. Cooper is arguing that from his position as First Lord of the Admiralty—the head of Britain’s navy—Churchill was somehow able to force Hitler to unleash Blitzkrieg in the West, his first argument falls to the ground.

Hitler had planned his surprise attack through the Ardennes—the “Sickle-cut” maneuver—with senior generals such as Erich von Manstein, Erwin Rommel, and Gerd von Rundstedt several months before the attack took place. They bear responsibility “for that war becoming what it did,” not Churchill. Furthermore, they also bear full responsibility for the unprovoked invasion of neighboring Poland itself, about which Cooper and Carlson were silent.

In April 1939, when Churchill was not even in the cabinet, the British government guaranteed Poland’s security, so Hitler had no right to be surprised when Britain went to war with Germany when he flagrantly disregarded that guarantee.

Cooper’s next egregious error was to blame Operation Barbarossa on Hitler’s perception of a threat from Stalin, or a Soviet plan to capture Romanian oilfields, completely ignoring the genuine reason, which was the Nazi demand for Lebensraum—”living space” in Eastern Europe, especially in Belarus and Ukraine. One wonders whether Cooper has ever read Mein Kampf, in which Hitler’s ultimate intentions were made plain. Elsewhere in the interview he makes the outlandish claim that Hitler “no longer thought of Russia as an international Communist movement,” which contradicts all the evidence of Hitler’s public and private statements prior to unleashing Barbarossa.

Cooper next claimed that the millions of Soviet prisoners of war who died in German captivity did so because the Nazi leadership “had no plans for POWs,” ignoring the obvious fact, well supported by the sources, that in fact the deaths of millions of Soviet POWs were the deliberate Nazi plan for what to do with them.

Cooper goes on to castigate Churchill for not accepting Hitler’s peace proposals during the Phoney War from October 1939 to May 1940, stating that Hitler “didn’t want to fight France or Britain.” Yet by then he had invaded Poland, and had no intention of disgorging it, so the original casus bellum remained.

“The war was over and the Germans won by the fall of 1940,” Cooper states. Not so. The Germans had indeed forced the British from the Continent at Dunkirk by June 1940, but it is to Churchill’s everlasting and untarnishable glory that he kept Britain in the war until Nazi evil was extirpated. The war at sea was continuing, as was the war on the North African littoral. Greece came into the conflict in April 1941, drawing German forces south two months before Barbarossa. The battle was lost by Britain, true, but the war was far from won by Hitler.

Cooper’s wailing that Churchill rejected Hitler’s peace offers also fails to take into account the fact that had Britain made an ignoble peace in 1940, Hitler would have been able to concentrate all his forces on the East in his invasion of Russia in June 1941. Instead, he was forced to keep 30 percent of the Luftwaffe and considerable land forces in the western part of Europe. It was perhaps Churchill’s greatest act of statesmanship, that of a hero rather than “the chief villain of World War II.”

When Cooper blames Churchill for “demonizing [Neville] Chamberlain” in 1940, he is presumably ignorant of the fact that Churchill in fact asked Chamberlain to join his War Cabinet, where he worked closely and cordially with him, and then gave one of his greatest speeches as his eulogy to Chamberlain in November 1940.

“Churchill wanted a war,” claimed Cooper. “He wanted to fight Germany.” Not so. From the moment Hitler came to power in Germany, Churchill warned of the threat the Nazis posed to world peace, and how weak the West was militarily, but his solution was to rearm, not to monger war. He had fought in the trenches in the Great War and had lost too many friends in it to want another war, but he was willing to undergo it if the only alternatives were disgrace and dishonor.

Cooper then alleged, again without any evidence, that Churchill wanted war because “the long-term interests of the British Empire were threatened by the rise of a power like Germany.” Again, not so. All senior British policymakers recognized that the threats to the Empire came from Japan in the Far East, Fascist Italy in northeast Africa, and Russia in the Near East. Germany had no contiguous borders with the British Empire anywhere. A glance at a map would have shown Cooper that.

Cooper gave what Carlson called “the wryest smile I’ve ever seen” when he answered Carlson’s naïve question as to “What was [Churchill]’s motive?” in wanting to fight World War II. The true reason was that Churchill knew he needed to extirpate Nazism, but according to Cooper it was because “Churchill’s got a long and complicated history” that needed “redemption” because “Churchill was humiliated by his performance in the First World War.”

This ludicrous piece of cod psychology simply does not stand up. Churchill’s performance in World War I included being the man who got the Royal Navy ready for the war, who transported the entire British Expeditionary Force to France without the loss of a man in August 1914, who defended Antwerp during a crucial period that October, who undertook 30 trench raids in no man’s land as a lieutenant colonel, and who was the minister of munitions who provided the British Army with much of the weaponry necessary to win in 1918. The idea that the Gallipoli disaster, for which Churchill was ultimately though not solely responsible, made him feel a need for “redemption” a quarter of a century later is hogwash.

Cooper then describes Churchill as “a psychopath,” which surely says more about his own state of mind than Churchill’s. He goes on to make the accusation that Churchill “was a drunk,” which he was not, although he certainly drank a lot. Churchill could hold his liquor, and there was only one occasion during World War II when he was drunk, an astonishing achievement considering the pressure he was under.

I’ve not the vaguest clue what could have possessed Tucker the C to have this assclown on for an interview and treat with him as if he were actually a sane, sensible sort whose ahistorical revisionism was worth taking at all seriously, but I very much hope he gets over whatever it is and starts to feel better real soon.

Perhaps the single most crotch-chafing aspect of this spectacular, wide-spectrum self-beclownment—the Platonic ideal of what political pundits are talking about when they call some foolishness or other an “unforced error”—is the smear-fodder it hands, gratis, to salivating shitlibs, who will assuredly not let any moss grow on them before jumping in with both feet to take fullest advantage of the golden opportunity gratuitously provided them by Tucker, his out-there interviewee, and likeminded Jewphobic nitwits.

Not that I, you, or anybody else gives a fat rat’s patoot about what those “people” think, about anything. But still. To wit:

The shameful Nazi apologism of the Very Online right
Tucker Carlson’s chat with Darryl Cooper was a new low for the crank right.

Forget that toothless crackhead who says he had sex with Barack Obama. Never mind the lowlife pimp who cosplays as a lifestyle guru, Andrew Tate. This week Tucker Carlson scraped even lower in the barrel of cranks to find a guest for his chat show on X. He had on Darryl Cooper, a historian, podcaster and – wait for it – apologist for Adolf Hitler. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we’ve now reached the ‘Were the Nazis really the bad guys?’ stage of contrarian online blather.

Tucker’s chat with Cooper has caused a storm. As well it might. Also known as ‘Martyr Made’, Mr Cooper is a notorious historical revisionist. He has huge beef with Winston Churchill. Churchill, not Hitler, was the true villain of the Second World War, he says. He’s a giddy promoter of the myth that Hitler made a peace offer in 1940 but Churchill rejected it and insisted on plunging the world into war. Hitler the peacenik – who saw that coming down the pipeline of online bollocks?

What Cooper told Carlson was insane. Churchill was a ‘psychopath’ kept in power by Zionist interests, he said. As for all those poor Jews in the camps – they ‘ended up dead’ because the stretched Nazis lacked the time and resources to care for them, he insisted. Depicting the Nazis’ industrialised slaughter of the Jews of Europe as an accident, just a sad, regrettable byproduct of their being too busy, is sick. It’s a species of Holocaust denial. That Carlson nodded along to such rancid revisionism is shameful.

For the true measure of Cooper, consider what he said in a recent post on X, since deleted. Paris under the Nazis, he tweeted, was ‘infinitely preferable in virtually every way’ to the Paris of the Olympics opening ceremony. To drive home his fascistic point, he put a photo of Hitler and his henchmen surveying the spoils of Paris next to a screenshot of that plump drag queen who formed the centrepiece of the Last Supper pisstake at the opening ceremony. Look, I hated the opening ceremony, but – I can’t believe this needs to be said – Paris of 2024 is preferable in every way to the Paris that was conquered by the marauding inhuman racists of the Nazi regime. This is where we’re at, folks: having to explain that a drag queen on your TV is less bad than a Jew-murdering machine taking over your country.

And this, mind, not from a wild-eyed Leftard, but the more-or-less moderate Brandon O’Neill.

Be that as it may, the inexplicable Carlson/Cooper lovefest suggests a question or three. Namely: Have the asswipes both Left and Right really dragged Western Civ to the point where it must only be one or the other? That—Roosevelt, Churchill, and presumably De Gaulle having been stricken from eligibility in the “heroes” category because the (Not) Smart Set has re-evaluated them as WW2’s Worst Monsters—we’re reduced to a binary choice between either Hitler or *gulp* Stalin? Either it’s Nazi thugs marching or Manwoman degenerates prancing down the Avenue des Champs-Élysées, no in-between option to be found anywhere along that wide, history-steeped thoroughfare? SRSLY, people?!?

Thanks a pantload for this stellar contribution to the public discourse, Tucker. New category for annoying twaddle such as this: Dem pesky ((((JOOOOOOOZ!!!))))

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Well, THAT certainly didn’t work out too well

Turns out giving massive hormone dosages to and surgically mutilating severely mentally disturbed children, pre-teens, and/or teens might NOT be a cure-all panacea for either their crippling pathologies or for gun violence after all. Who knew?

Gun Grabbing Group: Kid’s Trans Surgeries Will Reduce Gun Violence
Groups advocating for stricter gun control laws are now suggesting that giving children access to cross-sex hormones and transgender surgeries will help reduce firearm violence. In an amicus brief filed with the Supreme Court for United States v. Skrmetti, organizations such as Giffords, the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence, Team Enough, and March For Our Lives Action argued that laws preventing minors from accessing these procedures contribute to a “climate of hostility” and put transgender individuals at a higher risk for suicide using a firearm.

The groups believe that access to gender affirming care is not only a medical necessity for transgender youth, but also a crucial component in the fight against gun violence. They argue that denying access to these treatments perpetuates the false perception that transgender individuals are a threat to society. This, in turn, increases the visibility and vulnerability of the transgender community, creating a “perfect storm” for violence.

According to Yvin Shin, a Judicial Associate at March For Our Lives, the organization will continue to fight until transgender youth can live safe and authentic lives in a world free from gun violence. This statement highlights the belief that access to gender affirming care is crucial for the safety and wellbeing of transgender individuals.

The tragic shooting at a private Christian school in Nashville, Tennessee in March 2023, committed by Audrey Hale, a transgender individual, shouldn’t be used to justify subjecting kids to irreversible and dangerous gender swapping “treatments”.

This whole thing makes me question the “trans agenda” real motives and their connection to the gun-grabbing movement.

As well it might, and damned well ought to. Then there’s this screwed-up-eight-ways-to-Sunday kid in Georgia to consider into the bargain. Why, it’s almost as if normalizing serious psychological dysfunction instead of treating it gets you more of that sort of thing, rather than less—as if, incredible as it may seem to the non-“expert” eye, indulging depravity, pathology, and maladjustment in specific vulnerable individuals is tantamount to endorsing it more broadly, which in turn amounts to encouraging it to run riot throughout society entire.

But naw, that can’t be right. Can it? Reminds me, just a wee mite, of this bona fide classic from Cap’n Mal.

Heh. Plainly so, Captain.

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The Daily Donnybrook, and other fine things

Welcome to Ye Olde Colde Furye Blogge’s shiny new open-comments thread, where y’all can have at it as you wish, on any topic you like. Do note that the official CF comments policy remains in effect here, as enumerated in the left sidebar. All new posts will appear below this one. There will be blood…

Mike @Substack


New Eyrie posts go up every Monday and Friday, although the time of day may (and most likely will) vary. Mike’s latest Eyrie offering is available for perusal here: Got Haitians?

Please do consider subscribing to The Eyrie, gang; subscribers receive email notification whenever each new post goes live. All Eyrie articles are getatable (yes, that’s really a word—trust me!) for one and all to read and enjoy totally free of charge, regardless of subscription status. However, a paid sub is required to unlock commenting privileges—an almighty incentive to kick loose and chip in if ever there was one. Thanks!

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Ready or not, here they come

It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it.


And, apparently, geese and ducks in plenty to slaughter, dress, and eat publicly.


When they aren’t camping out on people’s front lawns and menacing them, that is.


The “Show more” link transcription, because it’s truly, truly infuriating.

Springfield, Ohio woman says homeless Haitians are trying to camp out on her front yard, says she “wants out of this town.”

“I have men that cannot speak English in my front yard, screaming at me, throwing mattresses in my front yard.”

“Look at me, I weigh 95 pounds. I couldn’t defend myself if I had to. My husband is elderly.”

“I don’t understand what you expect of us as citizens. I understand they’re here under temporary protected status and you’re protecting them, and I understand that our city services are overwhelmed and understaffed, but who’s protecting us?”

“Who’s protecting me? I want out of this town. I am sorry. Please give me a reason to stay.”

Whatever would you do, Springfieldians, without Stretch Pelosi’s “spark of divinity” types, eh?


And there you have it. Bottom line: I don’t care how you much you hate D卐M☭CRATs, people, I assure you you do NOT hate them enough.

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The Axis of Prestige

Dead on point, and a hilarious analogy.

Some of you may be wondering why the entire bureaucratic caste of the USA is completely obsessed with weird sex stuff. 

Sure, we can all have good fun ranting about how insane this cult is, and watching them melt down when we leave skid marks on their sacred icons, but sooner or later, you gotta ask… why.

It’s the toaster-fucker problem. Some of you may be familiar. Goes like this, and I quote:

I blame the internet. Back in the days before it, we had to learn to live with those around us, now you can just go out and find someone as equally stupid as yourself.

I call it the toaster fucker problem. Man wakes up in 1980, tells his friends “I want to fuck a toaster” Friends quite rightly berate and laugh at him, guy deals with it, maybe gets some therapy and goes on a bit better adjusted.

Guy in 2021 tells his friends that he wants to fuck a toaster, gets laughed at, immediately jumps on facebook and finds “Toaster Fucker Support group” where he reads that he’s actually oppressed and he needs to cut out everyone around him and should only listen to his fellow toaster fuckers.

Apply this analogy to literally any insular bubble, it applies as equally to /r/thedonald as it does to the emaciated Che Guevara larpers that cry thinking about ringing their favourite pizza place.

But the toaster fucker problem doesn’t stop there. 

Because every social group has an axis of prestige. They have to compete with each other for status somehow. That’s what humans do. 

And in the toaster-fucking group, the axis of prestige aligns with fucking toasters. 

So first they compete to see who can fuck the most toasters. 

Then, when that is saturated, they one up each other by being most open with the general public about their toaster fucking ways. 

Then they make toaster-fucker pride t-shirts and hats and bumper stickers. 

Then they move on to bragging about how they sneak into other people’s kitchens and fuck their toasters, too, and swap tips for how to introduce kids to the joys of toaster-fucking. 

But it doesn’t stop there, either. 

Pretty soon normal people, who ten years before would shrugged and said “that’s weird”, are now sick of toaster-fucker flags everywhere and their kids being told to fuck toasters by sickos, and now they’re going to burn every toaster-fucker flag they see, and Florida just passed a law requiring you to be 21 years old with proof of ID to buy a toaster. And Utah has banned toasters altogether and the Mormons have stopped even eating toast, bagels, waffles, or any other heated bread product. 

But it doesn’t stop there, either.

And, incredible as it may seem to saner sorts, it doesn’t. It really, really doesn’t.

(Via Bayou Peter)

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pWNeD!

I can think of but one proper way to do this, and that’s to jack Irish’s whole post lock, stock, and barrel.

Soy Boy Posts Crap To MAGAWOMEN…. MAGA Woman responds… ( According to the comments he has since deleted his account)


 

Shitlib dude is too damned stupid—from here on out let’s just call such exceptional, special-case moronitude not merely “stupid,” but LIBERAL Stupid©, shall we?—to even know he just had his head handed to him.

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COINCIDENCE!

Still think so, do ya? Better think again, bub.

It is sometimes impossible to believe that we are just under two months removed from the attempted assassination of Donald Trump — a former President and the Republican nominee to become the President again this year — and we have almost no meaningful information about the incident.

What is not at all impossible to believe is that the media has completely memory-holed the assassination attempt. They simply do not talk about it. Why not? Because discussion of that historic event could help Trump in the election. The media, in their TDS-induced stupor, simply cannot have that.

Fortunately for America, there are still brave people within the Secret Service (not you, Ronald Rowe) who have come forward to shed light on the massive security cock-up on July 13. Thanks to Senator Josh Hawley sharing the testimony of those whistleblowers, we have learned more about the attempt on Trump’s life that we never would have otherwise known.

Last night, Hawley had some shocking new whistleblower testimony that he shared with Jesse Watters on Fox News. It is not hyperbole to say that you are not going to believe what you are about to hear in these four minutes:

Follows, a Twatter video embed, then…

Holy sh*t. Let’s go through the list of what we learned here:

  • A local police countersniper — from the ground, not from an elevated position — neutralized the shooter, NOT the Secret Service (though they did fire the shots that killed him);
  • Acting USSS Director Rowe lied about this in his recent Congressional testimony;
  • Many of the agents assigned to the protective detail on July 13 were not from the Secret Service, but from Homeland Security, which has no experience in protecting a President;
  • Those DHS agents were pulled off of their other jobs, like child endangerment investigations, for this posting;
  • The DHS agents had NO training other than a single webinar;
  • And finally, the webinar didn’t even work for some parts of its two-hour duration.

W … T … A … F!

Is the Secret Service being run by The Three Stooges? Or is that too much of a compliment?

The Secret Service is doing exactly what it’s told, as is the DoJ, FBI, CIA, and all the other appendages of the lumbering Überstadt megalodon. The Twitchy author engages in a smattering of fretful woe-is-we-ing over the prospective reinforcement of “conspiracy theories” and such-like folderol deriving from these shocking—SHOCKING!!!— revelations, as one would expect. But for my money there can be but one conclusion that fits the known facts available to sensible, observant people, to wit:


Eventually, inevitably, poor old Good Time Charlie swallows hard, smooths his hair, squares his weary shoulders, takes a deep, steadying breath, and vaults into the fray with the usual hallucinatory cope.


Aw yeah, THAT’ll fix this thing for sure and certain. And if somehow it doesn’t, why, there’s always the next “election,” and the next, and the next, and the next, and the one after that! Each and every last one of them the most critically vitally crucially vitally IMPORTANT© “election” in our lifetimes, quite possibly EVARRR, you betcher!!!

*Le sigh* Pathetic. Pointless. Soporific. And perhaps most of all: embarrassing.

NOTE: Posted this ‘un with MarsEdit, gang. It’s working, it’s working! Sincerest thanks to Mike M of HM/EntirelyDigital for his capable assistance.

Also, my bog-standard sarcastic derogation of the “elections” will o’ the wisp is aimed squarely at US national elections, which I still maintain are pure theatre, nothing more nor less. Local and state contests are a whole ‘nother kettle of fish in my view, or a great many of them at any rate. YMMV.

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Memezapoppin’!

Welcome to this week’s installment of our Wednesday meme feature, folks. Links to the “found via” sources will be attached to the specific MiQ’s (Memes in Question) whenever I can remember them, which likely won’t be very often. Only the first two memes will appear above the fold to save on bandwidth usage, since I assume not everybody who shows up at this here websty will want to see all of them. This intro will appear at the top of each week’s Memezapoppin’! post. Enjoy, funny-pitcher lovers.

NOTE: Finally said oh, to Hades with it and just C&P’d the whole shebang into the WP editor, which evolution turned out to be a lot less of a headache than I’d imagined. The seriously bizarre thing is that the server cheerfully allowed MarsEdit to upload the images as per usual, but still gags on publishing an actual post. Just told Tech Support the new server apparently doesn’t much care for the warp of my woof, or something.

Continue reading “Memezapoppin’!“ →

SitRep

Chris Bray discusses where it’s at, where it’s going, and where it might end up.

Jackbooted Paste Eaters
it’s illegal for you to notice that i pick my nose, you fascist, so you have to go to prison

The current unifying theme among a set of people who regard themselves as progressive, liberal, mainstream, respectable, and so on, is a spectacular punishment fetish. Arrest them arrest them arrest them arrest them, they helpfully explain about people who disagree with them about anything, ever. See, for an easy example of the discipline fetish, this quite popular reader-generated “diary” post from a few days ago at Daily Kos, arguing that Tulsi Gabbard’s “Quiet Skies” designation is a proper use of the state security apparatus against a domestic enemy:

It seems to this reader that our intelligence services are merely doing their jobs on this one. Given all of the terrorist horror that Putin has unleashed on the world, if Homeland Security wasn’t keeping an eye on people who meet Gabbard’s profile, I’d be deeply confused and worried. In any case, it seems that in Gabbard finally becoming a part of Trump’s team, the Kremlin is starting to put all of their rotten eggs in one basket and that should make things a bit easier for Homeland Security to do their jobs.

Underlying the teeth-grinding lust for a good firm application of the belt and the rounding up of domestic enemies is an attitude about authority that presumes the correctness of obedience and the proper absence of checks and balances. As Matt Taibbi noted yesterday, the Washington Post has just run a tech policy analysis arguing that social media executives have “thumbed their noses at authorities” — but the authorities are working to “bring tech giants to heel.”

Nearly every paragraph of this Washington Post thing contains extremely telling language, like the description of the brave judge Alexandre de Moraes fighting for democracy in Brazil by repressing platforms that tolerate the evil of dangerously unmediated speech, or the Eastern Bloc-flavored description of social media figures like Elon Musk as “impudent.” Note that, while social media leaders are being “brought to heel,” they’re also being “reined in.”

So the tolerant liberals are both yanking the leash and jerking on the reins, bringing the animals into submission. To protect democracy.

Underscoring once again why it was that the Founders abhorred and feared democracy vehemently, explicitly, and unequivocally. As a classic 1st-Generation meme had it: “Liberals” are the people the Founding Fathers warned us about; they’re the precise reason why the Second Amendment exists in the first place. Wise men, those Founder-dudes were. The bill for having ignored their sagacious advice is now coming due, and the price of our flaccid negligence is dreadfully steep.

But yeah, I’m sure we can find SOME way to peaceably coexist cheek-by-jowl with the Goosesteppin’ Left scourge. All’s Real Americans will have to do is agree to siddown, shaddup, and Submit©, no biggie. Left unanswered is just why any self-respecting, liberty-minded Patriot would even WANT to peaceably coexist with such as they.

Publick Announceminke

Looks like the Memezapoppin’ post is gonna be delayed tonight, along with everything else, due to some bewildering server issues I’ve already contacted tech support about helping me get sorted out. Until such time as etc, I’m kinda stuck here; the WP posting interface seems to work okay–the two (2) posts below this one I did using the WP dealio–but y’all know how I feel about that shinola. My beloved MarsEdit, the FTP client I use (Cyberduck, by name)–ie, all the finer things that make a blogger’s life truly worth the living, are fully and firmly hosed, alas.

More as and when, as always, and my humble thanks for your patience.

Update! Just put up a brand new post with the native WP editor, just to check a few things out. No way am I gonna attempt to use the accursed thing for the Memezapoppin’ post, though; that would be a YUUUUGE pain in Ye Aulde CF Keester, although the MarsEdit version is all done and ready to go. To my astonishment, ME was able to upload the images with nary a hiccup. Sadly, publishing the post itself via ME remains a no-go as of right this minute. Weird, no?

Paging David French, David French to the white courtesy phone please

Conservative Momma puts it WAY better, more forthrightly, and more engagingly than French ever has, or could.

BWAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! You go, CM!

(Via Ace)

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Contractualities

One of our pal Ms Sarcastica’s best ever. Which, yes, that really IS saying something.

Your Body’s Updated Terms of Service:
We are writing to inform you that Your Body (“you,” “yourself,” “your aging body”) has updated its terms of service, which apply to the use of all your Parts and Areas. These terms will apply only to Your Once-Useful Body and may differ from Other People’s Bodies, Which Are Still Normal.

We encourage you to review the updated Terms before you attempt any dangerous activity, such as playing with your dog or walking uphill. Our other legal policies are available in our Depressing Policy Center.

Addendum to Terms of Service

I. Food and Beverage
a. Alcohol may be consumed a maximum of three (3) nights per week, with two nights consisting of no more than one (1) beverage and one night consisting of no more than two (2) beverages. If you have one (1) beverage on a night you are supposed to have one (1) beverage, but the drink doesn’t “do anything” and you “don’t feel any different,” you are still not allowed to have a second beverage because the first one “clearly didn’t count.” If you do have two (2) beverages on a night you are supposed to only have one (1), you will have a hangover the next day. Yes, an actual hangover. Also, if you have one (1) beverage on a night you are supposed to have zero (0), you won’t get any sleep and will wake up hating the world.

b. Caffeine is one of three good things that exist. The others are love and the Fleetwood Mac album Rumours. However, like the relationship between Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham, your body’s relationship to caffeine is a productive yet fraught dance. If you consume any caffeine after 1 p.m., you won’t get any sleep and will wake up hating the world. Other People’s Bodies can consume caffeine until 3 or 4 p.m. or even have an espresso after dinner. You aren’t them and never will be. Also, if you have more than two (2) cups in a day, you will become convinced that there must be some kind of “demon” inside your chest and you will never be normal again.

c. Despite your many lobbying efforts, Pretzels are still not considered their own food group and should not be treated as such. A healthy diet consists of diverse foods from those food groups recognized by the scientific community. Capeesh?

II. Exercise
a. Your Body and Mind require 4–6 days of exercise per week, unless you want to go to sleep hating the world. Unfortunately, every kind of exercise that you enjoy causes Your Body’s back, knees, or ankles to enter “The Zone of Desolation.”

b. If your physical pain ever starts to feel depressing, it could help to look on the bright side: if you were a hunter-gatherer, you’d probably be dead by now.

Plenty more where that came from, every word of it true and accurate, every word of it eminently worth checking out.

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Open mouth, insert…foot, this time

Gee, Willie Brown’s dick, her own foot, gallons of cheap vodka daily—as my Grandma used to pointedly inquire whenever she heard somebody cuss (besides herself, natch): you kiss your Mama with that mouth, Kumala?

As Vice President, I have had the privilege of visiting Arlington National Cemetery several times. It is a solemn place; a place where we come together to honor American heroes who have made the ultimate sacrifice in service of this nation.

It is not a place for politics.

And yet, as was reported this week, Donald Trump’s team chose to film a video there, resulting in an altercation with cemetery staff. Let me be clear: the former president disrespected sacred ground, all for the sake of a political stunt.

This is nothing new from Donald Trump. This is a man who has called our fallen service members “suckers” and “losers” and disparaged Medal of Honor recipients. 

A man who, during a previous visit to the cemetery, reportedly said of fallen service members, “I don’t get it. What was in it for them?”

This is a man who is unable to comprehend anything other than service to himself. 

If there is one thing on which we as Americans can all agree, it is that our veterans, military families, and service members should be honored, never disparaged, and treated with nothing less than our highest respect and gratitude. 

And it is my belief that someone who cannot meet this simple, sacred duty should never again stand behind the seal of the President of the United States of America.

I will always honor the service and sacrifice of all of America’s fallen heroes, who made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of our beloved nation and our cherished freedoms. I mourn them and salute them. And I will never politicize them.

That’s the entirety of Kumala’s ill-advised “Show more” Tweet, to which the response has been…erm, unfortunate, for her at any rate. For starters:


OW, that smarts! And then there’s this:

Oh, Kamala, what have you done? In a move that was scummy even for her, Kamala Harris had the audacity to attack Donald Trump for appearing at the memorial for service members who died at Abbey Gate in Afghanistan. And, by extension, she attacked the Gold Star families who invited him to be there.

Keep in mind the only reason they’re Gold Star families is because Kamala Harris and Joe Biden botched the withdrawal from Afghanistan and got their loved ones killed.

Now those families are responding:

And how. Follows, scads upon scads of stinging video denunciation from said families, which is a joy and a wonder to behold. For us, that is, not for her; not a-tall, in fact. No wonder the stupid, drunk-ass ho’ is so reluctant to be interviewed, debate the opposition candidate (or anybody else) honestly and fairly, or otherwise speak in public any more than she absolutely, positively must. My God, the woman makes even Dotard Jaux Bribem look like a gentleman and a scholar, which is really saying something.

One last excellent riposte I almost forgot to include:


I repeat: OW! Also: YIKES!!

Update! Senator Tom Cotton gets the last truly epic word.

You might think that would be the end of the story. After all, how do you keep pushing a false story that has even been rebuked by the very families involved who lost their loved ones due to Harris’ incompetence? The press took that as a challenge, though, and when Welker faced off against Cotton on Sunday morning, she told an inexcusable lie as she desperately tried to defend the vice president.

WELKER: The bottom line, I guess, though, senator, is it ever appropriate to make campaign content at military grave sites?

COTTON: He didn’t take campaign photos there. These families, Gold Star families, whose children died due to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’s incompetence, invited him to the cemetery, and they asked him to take those photos because as they told me yesterday when I spoke to Kelly Barnett and Darren Hoover, the parents of Taylor Hoover, who has Arkansas ties, they don’t get to go to the beach on Labor Day. They don’t get to have BBQs. This is their one chance to have a memory of their children to commemorate their service and to honor their sacrifice. They wanted President Trump there, they wanted to take those photos.

You know who those families also invited? Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Where were they? Joe Biden was sitting at a beach. Kamala Harris was sitting at her mansion in Washington, DC. She was four miles away. Ten minutes. She could’ve gone to the cemetery and honor the sacrifice of those young men and women, but she hasn’t. She never has spoken to them or taken a meeting with them.

WELKER: Well, they did meet with them during the dignified transfer. They were with them during the dignified transfer.

COTTON: It is because of her and Joe Biden’s incompetence that those 13 Americans were killed in Afghanistan.

Cotton’s takedown of Welker’s talking points is perfect, not because of some impressive political prowess, but because it’s the truth. The claim that Trump made “campaign content” at Arlington National Cemetery is simply false. None of the pictures with the family have been used in ads or placed in a political context by the Trump campaign. He was there at the behest of the Gold Star families. Given their children died defending this country, I think they have a right to snap a few pictures if they’d like.

This game has long been played (by the) left and the federal bureaucracy. When John McCain took some video of him walking among the gravestones, the press attacked him for it. When Barack Obama and Joe Biden did the same thing (including Biden being pictured in Section 60), no one said a word. No (D)NC official came running out telling them to put the cameras away while accusing them of breaking the rules. Let a Republican show up to honor the fallen though, and suddenly it’s a scandal. The entire thing is so transparent.

What Welker did at the end of that exchange is just inexcusable, though. Cotton specifically said Harris has never spoken to or met with the Abbey Gate Gold Star families, and the anchor jumps in to insist “they” (as in both Biden and Harris) were at the dignified transfer. Kamala Harris was not there, and every attempt by the families to connect with her since has been rebuffed. Biden was there, but he infamously checked his watch multiple times.

The rush by these hack journalists to defend Harris has them now telling outright lies on national television.

Ummm…now, Bonch? Been a good bit longer than that, I’m afraid.

4
1

Howard Stern: what happened?

Well, for one thing, by his own choice he went from being a true iconoclast to being a straight-up lunatic.

If money’s your metric, then Howard Stern is the most successful radio personality in American media history. If you consider radio a creative art, then he’s the world’s wealthiest artist. He’s been compensated more money than anyone else in his medium — and by a VERY wide margin.

He makes $130 million annually from Sirius and has a net worth of $900 million. He owns a pair of apartment buildings in New York, 32 villas and properties in Minnesota, Texas, and Virginia, 16 mansions in Florida and California, and over 5,000 acres of real estate. His enormous mega-mansion in Palm Beach, Fla., is estimated to be worth $300 million. (A nearby property in Palm Beach — Mar-a-Lago — was appraised by New York Attorney General Leita James to be worth just $75 million.) 

Stern has made more than Rush Limbaugh. More than Hannity, Beck, Imus, and Schlessinger combined. No radio talent has ever matched his checkbook.

For a time, he was so omnipresent in popular culture, that an article like this would never see the light of day. First of all, the premise alone would be preposterous — how the hell is Howard Stern irrelevant?! He’s everywhere! And second, journalists were terrified of Stern. If he turned his spotlight on you, it was brutal: His insanely loyal fans would terrorize you in public. Go ask Kathie Lee Gifford how fun it was to be caught in Stern’s crosshairs.

And really, that was the secret to his success: More than anything else, it was the connection Stern forged with his audience that made him so special. If he had an autograph signing or an appearance somewhere, thousands of his fans would huddle together in the pouring rain — waiting for hours — just to get a glimpse of their radio deity. His book “Private Parts” became the biggest literary smash-hit Simon & Schuster had ever published. His audience hung on to his every word. The emotional bond between him and his audience was unbreakable.

Or so we thought.

Then something strange happened: Howard Stern became the world’s first celebrity to go behind a paywall.

It was a clever move by Sirius: For satellite radio to succeed, they needed to figure out a way to convince audiences to pay for something that they’re accustomed to getting for free. So, if you’re Sirius, what’s the fastest, most efficient way to build a paying audience?

Answer: Find the biggest name in the talk-radio universe with the most loyal audience — fans so faithful, they’ll follow him anywhere — and sign him to an exclusive contract.

And that’s exactly what Sirius did. Stern left terrestrial radio and jumped to satellite in 2006.

Originally, this was pitched to his fans as an amazing new development for creative content: Before, Stern was limited by the FCC. Now, he’s finally free to do the show he’s always wanted to do — it’ll be wilder, crazier, and waaaay more explicit! Oh, can you imagine the antics Stern might pull without any risk of censorship?!

In his first few years at Sirius, Stern was hitting on every cylinder. Those shows were some of the finest of his career: Artie Lange, Eric the Actor (“Ack, ack”), Beetlejuice, Riley Martin, and their merry gang of goofy Wack Packers were skewering sacred cows and delighting millions of ultra-dedicated fans. Back then, when you walked around an office building, you’d usually find multiple people tuning to Stern over the Internet while wearing headphones (or hiding in the parking lot, listening to their Sirius radio), giggling and laughing.  

And now?

Nobody under 40 listens to Stern. Nobody under 30 knows could even identify him in a lineup. But whereas older Americans — Gen X-ers and up — still remember Stern as a pioneering shock jock, younger Americans don’t remember him at all. 

It’s like he never existed.

Might as well not have, in effect. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer asshole if you ask me, but YMMV.  Oh, and: “terrestrial radio”? As I understand the thing, it’s more atmospheric than terrestrial, but maybe I’m just picking nits on that one.

3
1

Another Biden fuckup

Or lie, take your pick.


Yeah, sure you will, Jaux. Or Kumala, or whichever flunky wrote that twaddle for ya, rather.

Right-wing idiots to wax hysterical claiming the IDF executed the hostages themselves rather than our blameless, peaceful, helpless Hamas friends and “natural allies” in 3…2…1…

1
1

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