GIVE TIL IT HURTS!

Der Bingle

A Christmas story for the ages, one that exemplifies courage, character, and unswerving commitment to the non-negotiable demands of personal honor, patriotic duty, and obligation.


“Show more,” my saggy, baggy ass.

Late in Bing Crosby’s life, his nephew Howard asked him a casual question while they were out playing golf together.

“What was the single most difficult thing you ever had to do in your career?”
Howard expected Hollywood stories. Maybe gossip about a demanding director. Perhaps the pressure of a high-stakes film production or a struggle with studio executives.

Bing didn’t have to think about it at all.
December 1944. Northern France. The war in Europe was grinding toward its bloody conclusion.

Bing Crosby was on a USO tour, performing for American GIs and British soldiers far from home during the coldest, darkest days of winter.
That night, they set up an open-air stage in a field.

Fifteen thousand soldiers gathered to watch. Bing was joined by Dinah Shore and the Andrews Sisters.
They sang, they joked, they made the men laugh and holler—a brief moment of joy in the middle of a war zone.
Then came the closing number.
“White Christmas.”

The song had already become an anthem for homesick soldiers since its release in 1942. It played constantly on Armed Forces Radio. Men who hadn’t seen their families in years, who didn’t know if they ever would again, heard those opening notes and thought of snow-covered streets and Christmas trees and the homes they’d left behind.

As Bing began to sing, he looked out at the audience. Fifteen thousand men were crying. He had to finish the song. He had to maintain his composure and his vocal control while 15,000 soldiers wept in front of him. He told his nephew it was the toughest thing he ever had to do in his entire career.

What made Bing Crosby’s USO performances different from his Hollywood appearances were the small choices he made. He refused to wear his toupee. He hated the thing—called it a “scalp doily”-and wore it only when absolutely necessary for films.

But entertaining troops was different. “If I’m entertaining troops,” he said, “I’m not going to wear anything phony like a toupee. Forget it.”

He also insisted that officers and brass could not sit in the front rows. Those seats were reserved for enlisted men. The soldiers who would be on the front lines. The men who faced the greatest danger.

A few days after that performance in the field, those same soldiers were sent into combat. The Battle of the Bulge began on December 16, 1944. It was the largest and bloodiest battle fought by the United States in World War II.

The Germans launched a surprise offensive through the Ardennes Forest in a desperate attempt to split the Allied lines. Many of the men who had wept listening to “White Christmas” in that field in France never came home.

Bing Crosby tried to enlist when the war began. He was told he was too old. General George C. Marshall, the Army’s chief of staff, told him directly:

“Look, Bing, we don’t need you in the front lines. We need you raising money for the war effort.” He wasn’t just an entertainer to them. He was a piece of home. Bing never forgot it. 🙏♥️

Leftists who viscerally hate anything that reminds them of what America once was have smeared Bing Crosby as a nasty, hateful racist, bully, and two-bit tyrant who viciously ran roughshod over others and used his wife and children as punching bags—a distorted, unidimensional portrait which disgracefully omits the man’s finer qualities.

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Send in the clowns

Don’t bother, they’re here.

New York magazine writer stumps Zohran Mamdani, top aides with ‘cost of living’ question
A magazine reporter stumped Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani and his closest advisers with a question about lowering the cost of living in the Big Apple.

Mamdani and his crew didn’t have an answer when a New York Magazine writer asked for a comparable city as the democratic socialist waxed poetic about his lofty “principle” of bringing down the cost of living in the five boroughs.

“I asked him and some of his advisers if there were cities that had pulled this off that New York could emulate, places that had managed to meaningfully lower the cost of living. None sprang to mind,” the article stated.

“Talk to policy experts, and they find the prospect laughable; the only cities where this has happened are ones where the quality of life dropped so dramatically that no one wanted to live there anymore.”

Point being…? What with the recent mass exodus of the last pitiful handful of sensible, intelligent souls from the ruins, NYC is already sprinting just as hard and fast as it can for the very bottom of that particular fly-blown dungheap. And with commie nitwit Zsa Zsa “A job? ME?!?” Mammyjammy at the wheel, you gotta like their chances. Taking the checkered flag in this particular race is nothing to get excited about, certainly. Even so, purblind City dwellers had better make the most of it and enjoy the Booby Prize while they can—this will be the last victory New Yorkers will have for a long, long time. Après MammyJammy, le déluge.

Clearly, the above-mentioned New Yorker hack didn’t get the memo: you never, but NEVER, ask a Socialist a question about economic policy. They know about as much on that subject as famous retard Tampon Timmeh! Walz does about string theory, therefore are sure to make a dog’s breakfast of the whole enterprise.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, gang, but after all the years, all the tears, and all the predictions of imminent doom which turned out to be a trifle premature, New York is truly over and done with. You only get so many spins of the cylinder before a loaded chamber comes up, so many goes at taunting the tiger before the tiger chews you to pieces and spits you out. About three weeks worth of MammyJammy (mis)rule ought to put the final nail in NYC’s coffin. Resilient as the City has proven itself to be time and again, selecting as Mayor a dull-witted, silver-spoonfed Muzzrat Richie Rich who has never worked a day in his useless life is a self-inflicted wound from which Noo Yawk Fuckin’ City will not recover.

Trump must continue to hammer the point home like a broken record: there will be NO bailout, NO federal relief programs, NO FederalGovCo knight in shining armor riding up on his snow-white charger to pull NYC’s chestnuts out of the fire in the very nick of time. New Yorkers, having voted for the assclown MammyJammy overwhelmingly—a landslide romp which, in effect, bestows one of the strongest mandates ever on an egomaniacal muttonhead who is singularly illl-equipped to wield it judiciously—now have no one but themselves to blame for what they’ll soon be getting. Let them get it then, Mencken-style (ie, good and hard), until they’re so completely downcast that the humiliation of this latest and greatest folly in a long and distinguished line of foolish, impenitent acts of municipal auto-annihilation shall be seared into their collective memory forever.

May New Yorkers rue the day they made such an suicidally-unwise choice. May the impending catastrophe scar them so indelibly they will be driven to reconsider…well, damned near everythiing, actually. May the enduring pain of this experience burn away, like a chill morning fog, their abiding arrogance; their deep-seated superiority complex; their ahistorical ignorance; and their counterfactual assumptions. May the sight of their once-majestic City burning all around them—collapsing into violence, lawlessness, and anarchy thanks to their own infantile prejudices and delusions—inspire them at long last to embrace humility, contrition, and thoughtfulness.

And if that doesn’t work out, just build a 40-foot high, razor-wire-topped, concrete wall around Manhattan, post armed guards along the perimeter, shut off the electricity, rename it Manhattan Island Federal Penitentiary. Then, should PoTUS’s chopper go down inside the Wall, send Snake Plissken in to bring the blaggard back out again.

Ruh roh

Also, YIKES! And: YUCK!!

Campbell’s has dismissed an executive who allegedly referred to the soup company’s products as being made for “poor people” and denigrated its Indian employees.

Martin Bally, who was the vice-president of Campbell’s information technology department, was recorded making the alleged comments by another employee.

Campbell’s – which started producing canned condensed soup in 1897, and whose cans feature in some of Andy Warhol’s best-known 1960s pop artworks – said it had reviewed the recording and believed the voice to belong to Bally.

Campbell’s made “highly processed food” and “shit for fucking poor people”, Bally reportedly told a former employee, Robert Garza, according to a wrongful termination lawsuit filed by Garza.

In an hour-long rant, broadcast by a Michigan TV station, Bally goes on to say: “Who buys our shit? I don’t buy Campbell’s products barely any more. It’s not healthy now that I know what the fuck’s in it … bioengineered meat.

“I don’t wanna eat a piece of chicken that came from a 3D printer.”

Allegedly referring to Campbell’s employees of Indian heritage, Bally said: “Fucking Indians don’t know a fucking thing … Like they couldn’t think for their fucking selves.”

Campbell’s dismissed Bally’s allegation that the chicken used in its soups was “bioengineered”, calling the comments about its food “not only inaccurate – they are patently absurd”.

Well, I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but I am completely reassured by that heartfelt, sincere, not at all self-serving statement.

FULL DISCLOSURE: I’ve been eating Certain kinds of Campbell’s Chunky Soup for most of my life and always liked ’em well enough. That said, I must also admit that I’ve had my suspicions about the meat in ’em for years, especially the alleged “ham” in their “Hearty Bean And Ham” variety.

Sorry, Mr Anonymous Corporate Spokescritter, but I ain’t buying it. I have no idea what that nasty shit might actually be, but if it IS ham, I will cheerfully, lovingly kiss the raspy ass of every last Campbell’s executive, “chef,” and PR weasel.

When genius speaks

The wise harken.

AOC demands Black Friday be renamed ‘Friday of Color’
US—Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was furious today after she learned that retailers and shopping outlets were still referring to the day after Thanksgiving as “Black Friday“.

She has demanded that they start referring to the make-shift holiday next year as “Friday of Color”.

The proposal, touted as a groundbreaking initiative for shopping equality, aims to rectify what AOC perceives as an oversight in the nomenclature of one of the busiest shopping days of the year.

In a press conference that unfolded like a Black Friday midnight madness sale, AOC passionately declared, “We need to recognize the diversity of our shopping experiences and move away from the exclusionary term ‘Black Friday.’ By renaming it ‘Friday of Color,’ we are embracing the vibrant spectrum of shopping desires that exist in our wonderfully diverse society.”

The demand came after President* Joe Biden said that they should let African Americans shop on days other than Black Friday.

It’s satire, folks. I think.

The perfect response

Another “politics as usual” story I wouldn’t ordinarily give a fiddler’s fuck about, except for this one beautiful thing.

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries appeared on CNBC on Friday, expecting another friendly segment where he could blame Republicans for everything under the sun without being challenged. Instead, he ran into Rebecca Quick, who did something that clearly stunned him: she asked real questions, pressed him for real answers, and refused to let him filibuster with recycled talking points. What followed was a live, televised meltdown that revealed just how much Jeffries depends on compliant hosts to keep his political theater afloat.

Quick opened with a straightforward point: If Democrats claim they want to avoid the expiration of key Obamacare subsidies, they need Republican votes. So why not start with something achievable?

“If this is something that you want to satiate, if you want to get done, you are going to need at least some Republicans to come over,” she said. “Why not start with a one-year extension or potentially even a two-year extension?”

Jeffries immediately shifted into campaign mode. He declared, “Leader Schumer offered a one-year extension in the context of trying to end the Trump Republican [sic] shutdown.” He went straight to the past, ignoring the question. Quick stopped him.

“That’s different. I’m talking about what you have now,” she said. “Let’s not go back to what’s done in the past and what has not been extended.”

Jeffries started getting irritated at this point. “You can ask me the question. I’ll provide the answer,” he snapped.

Quick didn’t flinch. “Answer the question instead of going back.”

The dodging, weaving, and dissembling continues from there, until finally Ms Quick’s patience is so thoroughly exhausted by the ongoing barrage of ever-less-persuasive weasel words that she can no longer contain her exasperation, culminating in what would have to be one of the finest moments in the history of journalisming.


Heh. If I was a MSM reporter/anchor/newsreaderperson, the network would can me after my second day on the job, citing my inability to stop pulling that same face throughout the broadcast as justification. There would almost certainly be some girlish giggling involved as well, which wouldn’t help me any.

True Hollywood stories

Al Bundy dishes.

Ed O’Neill has new bombshells about his longtime bitter feud with his “Married…With Children” co-star Amanda Bearse.

The sitcom ran for 11 seasons on Fox, from 1987 to 1997, starring O’Neill, Katey Sagal and Christina Applegate.

O’Neill, 77 starred as family patriarch Al Bundy, married to Peg (Sagal), while Bearse, 65, played Marcy, their neighbor and Peg’s friend.

During a recent appearance on the “Dinner’s On Me” podcast of his former “Modern Family” co-star Jesse Tyler Ferguson, O’Neill shared that he had some “regrets” about his relationship with Bearse.

In a 2013 interview with the Television Academy, O’Neill revealed that he and David Faustino were the only cast members who were excluded from the invite list when Bearse married her wife, businesswoman Carrie Schenken, in 2010.

When O’Neill confronted Bearse about being excluded from her wedding, according to him, “[She said]: ‘This was a very tough call, but I just feel that you would find it amusing that me and Becky would come in tuxedos in a church and walk down the aisle, and you and David would be snickering and finding it funny,’ ” he said, incorrectly recalling her wife’s name.

“I started laughing and she said, ‘See!’ And I said, ‘Well, you know why? Because it is f–king funny, and I’m not going to be the only one that doesn’t think so.’ But it was funny. She had a little white tux and, to me, it was funny. But in other words, she may not have been wrong in excluding me.”

Well hey, at least he can look back on the whole dustup realistically, rationally, and with good humor now. Which won’t ever be enough to dulcify the rage-a-holic bull dagger, her outraged “wife,” or their absolutely furious Big Gay Circle O’ Friends, no matter how many years have flown by since. Still, it’s something, right?

Handsome is as handsome does

And, y’know, does NOT.

Conservatives Run to Fetterman’s Defense After Fall As Liberals Sharpen Their Knives
While we don’t need more evidence that leftists behave like immoral, bloodthirsty ghouls — just look at their response to the assassination of Charlie Kirk for Exhibit A — it’s still important to highlight how quickly these psychopaths turn on their own. Sen. John Fetterman (D-Pa.) has no doubt discovered this after the reaction to his ventricular fibrillation and subsequent fall.

As soon as the news broke, conservatives across the country flooded social media with well-wishes, while the ghoulish left stormed Bluesky to make fun of him and lament that he survived. And they wonder why more and more Americans are embracing right-wing politics and values? Most Americans possess at least a teeny, tiny bit of human decency. The left appears completely bankrupt of that trait.

The Ghoulish Left. I like that one, gonna have to remember it for future use around h’yar.

Fetterman’s team announced that the senator experienced a “ventricular fibrillation flare-up” and then fell after feeling lightheaded. Keep in mind that this kind of heart condition can become fatal if doctors don’t treat it quickly. It’s far more serious than his team made it sound. Fetterman also sustained minor facial injuries and is expected to make a full recovery.

The Pennsylvania Democrat stayed in good enough spirits to crack a joke, saying, “If you thought my face looked bad before, wait until you see it now!” Steve Guest, a conservative commentator, exposed the true face of the demonic left by posting screenshots of several BlueSky comments from liberals, many of whom mocked him and wished he hadn’t gotten up again.

So it appears that Fetterman 1) doesn’t take himself too seriously; 2) has a thoughtful, mature perspective on most things; and 3) possesses a light, self-deprecating sense of humor also? Could somebody please explain to me exactly why the hell this guy is in the D卐M☭CRAT criminal organization masquerading as a political party? Or how he even wound up a “liberal” in the first place?

Oh, before I forget: I know it’s kind of A Thing nowadays to lean hard into the Ghoulish Left’s fat, hanging curve balls re: the Kirk-murder response and blast those big meatballs way out into the cheap seats, but let’s please all remember that their hydrophobic reaction was only a slight bit more foamy, frothy, and repellent than usual whenever one of Ours passes. No courtesy; no somber restraint; no trace of respect, grace, dignity, or sympathy for the living will ever be found to our Left. They expect—nay, DEMAND—all those things and much more when one of theirs shuffles on off this mortal coil, but they’d rather gargle diarrhea than extend the same courtesies and considerations to us.

Admittedly, the fact that they not only reveled in Kirk’s wanton slaying—gulping down huge punch-bowls’ worth of the pain and suffering inflicted on his family, friends; and associates; disrupting Kirk memorial gatherings and menacing those in attendance; trampling flower arrangements, knocking over tables and/or chairs, defacing. stealing, or otherwise vandallzing signs, and just generally demolishing impromptu displays expressing love, sympathy, and support wherever and whenever they see them; cavorting madly like horny teenagers high on Ecstasy in celebration of the atrocity—but also incited, promoted, and in every possible way participated in the murder themselves this time is something we haven’t seen a lot of to date. Still, the unseemly and insensitive after-party, the orgiastic glee over the violent death of a hated dissenter, the indecent, purposely hurtful savaging of the deceased as some kind of twisted monster, are all performative grotesqueries we’ve witnessed time and again over the last cpl-three decades at least.

IN SUM: don’t let’s anybody be thinking of the ongoing Charlie Kirk shitfling as any kind of departure from normal; above all, those who DO carry on as if the Kirk outburst represent an unlooked-for escalation or New Low should be called on it, firmly and unequivocally. This, like so much else, is simply who they are, it’s what they do.

Update! Via Insty, I give you Exhibit A for the prosecution.

Meet the Gay Furry Socialist Dem Candidate Who Celebrated Charlie Kirk’s Murder and Loves 9/11
A candidate for the Democratic nomination in a competitive congressional district celebrated the assassination of Charlie Kirk and said the United States deserved the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attack.

Samuel Smeltzer, an IT specialist who identifies as a honey badger and goes by the name “Elyon Badger,” has a history of violent posts on BlueSky, a left-leaning competitor to X, the Washington Free Beacon reported. He is running for the House of Representatives in Michigan’s Seventh Congressional District, currently represented by Republican Rep. Tom Barrett, according to the outlet.

Smeltzer, who has also praised the assassinations of Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk and United HealthCare CEO Brian Thompson, once posted to BlueSky about being banned from X for saying the U.S. deserved the 9/11 attacks carried out by the Islamic group al-Qaeda.

The maniac raves on and on from there—ever more irrationally, offensively, and tiresomely, until by the end he’s just…well, frankly, he’s just blibbering. I cannot in good faith recommend that anybody read the rest of it, sorry.

The winner for GOAT politician

Could only be the Right Honorable Sen John N Kennedy, R-La.

John Kennedy Just Ended Kamala’s 2028 Dreams in One Sentence
As we previously reported, Kamala Harris recently gave an interview where she hinted more strongly than before that she might run for president again in the future. During the interview, a BBC reporter humorously mentioned Kamala’s long-shot betting odds, underscoring that few take her prospects seriously. Kamala also previously claimed that people had told her she was “the most qualified candidate ever to run for president,” adding, “I’m just speaking fact.”

I don’t have to tell you that nobody—and I mean nobody—has ever thought that, much less said it out loud where anyone might overhear it.

Naturally, when comedian Adam Carolla had Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) on his podcast, they had to talk about Kamala’s delusions of grandeur.

Carolla played the clip of Kamala making her claim, and then turned to Kennedy for his reaction. “Well, I know the vice president,” Kennedy began. “We served in the United States Senate together. We were on the Judiciary Committee together.”

Kennedy didn’t hold back his assessment. “She was very scripted. I think she’s a lovely person, and she’s entitled to her opinion,” he said. “But I have seen the polling before she got in the race, and the polls showed that most Americans looked at the vice president and thought to themselves, ‘When her IQ gets to 75, she oughta sell.’ Now, that’s what the polling showed.”

He noted that the media attacked him for making that observation in the past. “I pointed that out at the time, and the legacy media beat up on me like I stole Christmas, but that’s what the polling showed,” Kennedy said.

As for why Kamala ended up in the 2024 race, Kennedy argued it wasn’t part of the original plan. “I don’t think she expected to be running for president,” he said, “but I also don’t think they expected President Biden to have a major league goat rodeo meltdown in front of the American people in his first and only debate. And so it was thrust upon her.”

As opposed to into her, as was the case when Kumala used notorious California grifter Willie Brown to suck-start her less-than-whelming political “career.” Quite a contrast with Sen Kennedy, who when it comes to politicians is rather the exception that proves the rule.

Carolla agreed that Kamala’s résumé doesn’t exactly scream “most qualified.” “Being DA of San Francisco or holding some position where you’re in the pockets of donors and contributors—I don’t know if I like those kind of qualifications,” he said. “I would take a guy who was a farmer, a veteran, a Navy SEAL, or who ran his own business. In my world, a welder who ran his own welding business—I like those qualifications better than

Kennedy closed with a broader reflection on leadership. “To be a successful political leader, you do have to be smart, but it’s more than that,” he said. “You have to be mature. You have to be governed by morality, not appetite and ambition. You’ve got to exercise power intelligently and know which bridge to burn and which bridge to cross. And you can serve in public life all you want, but if you don’t have those skills, then you’re not going to be a good president.”

He then contrasted Trump’s clarity with Harris’s incoherence. “Vice President Harris could never… she just couldn’t communicate,” he said. “It was like she was speaking in Sanskrit. Nobody knew what she was talking about. Trump, on the other hand—you may like him, you may dislike him, but you know exactly where he’s coming from. Most people, whether they like him or not, respect the transparency. And he’s pretty much done what he said he would do.”

Smart fella, that Kennedy is. Straight up, no chaser, no mucking about, never a pulled punch, the plain and simple truth delivered with an ‘aw, shucks”  grin and a hearty chuckle—why, it’s almost as if the man doesn’t even know what “dissembling” means, nor much cares to. All of which is a BIG part of what makes him so exceptional, see.

White House Hijinx, Capitol Capers, Executive Escapades, Washington Waggeries, Federal Follies

The Sen John Kennedy review.

Biden’s cognitive decline emboldened Putin to invade Ukraine, Sen. John Kennedy tells ‘Pod Force One’
Former President Joe Biden’s cognitive decline was so pronounced that it imperiled US foreign policy by providing an “invitation” to dictators like Russia’s Vladimir Putin, Sen. John Kennedy told “Pod Force One.”

“I remember when Putin was lined up on the Ukrainian border, thinking of going in, weighing his option(s), watching President Biden have a short press conference and say, ‘Well, if it’s a small incursion, it might be OK,’” Kennedy (R-La.) told The Post’s Miranda Devine on the latest episode, out Wednesday.

“I’m thinking, Holy Moses, that’s an invitation,” added the Louisiana Republican, reflecting on the January 2022 press conference, during which Biden went off the rails while responding to criticisms of his agenda raised by the White House press corps.

Was Biden ever even ON the rails, really?

“It depends on what [Russia] does,” Biden said at the time when asked about Putin’s plans. “It’s one thing if it’s a minor incursion and we end up having to fight about what to do and not do.”
Kennedy recalled thinking at the time that the president’s rhetoric “was dangerous.”

“I think he just started rambling,” the senator said, before rattling off other foreign policy flubs. “Afghanistan. [Biden] removed the sanctions on the Nord Stream 2 pipeline. He removed the sanctions on Iran from selling their oil. Now, President Xi in China is working with Putin and Russia and the Ayatollah in Iran, they see all this.”

“Rambling,” you say? Nuh-uh, Jack, not the Joe Biden I know.

“They’re working together, and they saw the president, who was not clearly in grasp — didn’t have a clean grasp on all of his faculties. They saw the weakness, and they made their move. And that’s how Ukraine started,” he added.

Kennedy also claimed that he could see the Democrat’s “neurodegenerative disease … got worse” over time.

“I figured his staff was getting maybe four hours, five hours of work out in the day. He couldn’t help it,” The Republican claimed. “His staff cleverly hid it until they couldn’t anymore. He had the debate in front of God and the country and the American people — and the American people saw it, and they said, ‘Look, this man is just, he’s like my grandpa, you know, who I just took the car keys from.’”

Astute fella, that Sen Kennedy. Got a real flair for language, too.

“Witch”

Uh HUH. Just keep talking, Commie baglapper.

Machado Warns Against Socialism as Maduro Cries ‘Witch’ Over Her Nobel Peace Prize
For two days, the Venezuelan government didn’t acknowledge that opposition leader María Corina Machado won the Nobel Peace Price, though it’s understandable. Illegitimate narco-terrorist president Nicolás Maduro is losing his stronghold on the nation, and Machado is largely the reason for that. On Friday, the whole world learned who she is and what she’s fighting for, which amplified the country’s desire for freedom and democracy, and especially its desire to remove the tyrant who holds it all hostage.

Best Maduro can do is pretend her team is blowing up the not-in-service U.S. embassy in Caracas and that his security forces stopped them — just like he told his country to pretend it’s Christmas or like he tells Donald Trump that he pretends to stop the flow of drugs through the Western Hemisphere.

Just like he pretends to be the nation’s president when it should be Edmundo González, the man who actually won last year’s election.

But on Sunday, during an Indigenous Resistance Day rally, he finally spoke on Machado’s win heard around the world, calling her bruja demoniaca or a “demonic witch.”

He’s another garden-variety Socialist twit, so of course any sensible person would just naturally assume he has no clue what he’s talking about. And said sensible sort would be perfectly correct about that.

Yes, yes, I know, t’is the season and all that (ie, Halloween), but fi the cutie depicted above is what this Maduro dorksnort considers a “witch,” he needs to wipe the goo off his glasses. I’m sure there are plenty of other pics out there in which she looks older, more haggard, more generally just, y’know, YIKES! But going by the pic above and ndthing else, if that’s a witch, then somewhere along the line somebody fed me a whole pack of lies about witches.

Hey now, I resemble that remark!

Lakeside Joe boils it all down for us, so I’ll just swipe his version as is.

A variation on a theme we talked about a couple of days ago. Vegout.com has a cute little argument for how – and why – you became the grumpy old fuck you are. They explain how the transformation sneaks up on you. One day you’re the cool elder who gets it, the next you’re lecturing a barista about work ethic while the entire coffee shop pretends not to notice. The scary part isn’t getting older; it’s becoming the specific type of older person who makes younger people suddenly remember urgent texts they need to send.

  1. You’ve started sentences with “Back in my day” unironically
  2. Technology has become your personal villain
  3. Your default public mood is irritation
  4. Change has become your enemy
  5. You’ve weaponized small talk
  6. You judge younger generations for crimes you definitely committed
  7. Your patience has completely expired
  8. You’ve stopped trying to understand anything new
  9. Your social circle has become an echo chamber

The funny thing about recognizing these signs in yourself is the immediate urge to explain why your crankiness is different, justified, and based on your own legitimate observations about genuine decline. That’s exactly what that grumpy old fuck uncle you avoided at Thanksgiving used to say.

Ouch! ‘Nuff said.

Another new category for this sort of thing has been created, which I fear will see a lot of use going forward. At least some of you CF Lifers are bound to be old enough to remember whence comes the category’s name: a dear departed blog-bud of mind name of Andrew Ian Dodge had a hard-rock/metal combo by that same name, not long before the cancer took him.

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Bloody slaughter

YeeeeOWTCH!

 

Olbermann resembles those remarks.

(Via Insty)

Update! Unrelated, and apropos of nothing whatever, but I found this over at Ken’s crib and just had to run it immediately.

Heh. I don’t care who you are, where you came from, or what you brung witcha, that is some fucking-A excellent squishy right there.

NUTS!

Crazy lady illustrates just how very far we’ve fallen—as a nation; as Americans; as individuals; as civilized, rational, well-meaning human adults.

i’m telling ya, gang, you ain’t gonna believe this one.


This rage junkie’s unprovoked hissy fit deserves some kind of token of recognition—say, a trophy; a statuette along the lines of the Oscar, the Tony, or the Grammy; a colorful silk ribbon sizeable enough that it can be tied in back of the neck and draped over the collarbones and down to about mid-sternum, the way a proper necklace is usually worn; a gold medal to hang from said ribbon/necklace, a one-two knockout punch which results in a stylish accessory that, for all intents and purposes, might have been made to be shown off at private parties, film/art-show openings, next year’s Kentucky Derby, or some other such event; a generous cash prize; a professionally printed, suitable-for-framing certificate of merit presented personally by Hizzoner the Mayor’s very own hand; an honorary diploma from the nearest cow-college.

Then there’s the charity-fundraising dinner in a ritzy restaurant so jam-packed with minor to middling local celebutards that whenever at least two of said celebs stands close together and smiles for the cameras, the high-wattage light bouncing off the razzle-dazzle dentition on display produces a reflection so intensely retina-singing that any diner, restaurant employee, sidewalk-dwelling stewbum, or luckless looky-loo gawking through the establishment’s big front window who gets hit smack dab in the middle of his/her/its eyeball by the tooth polish-enhanced reflection will be blinded completely until mid-afternoon of the next day, a painful injury to delicate, highly sensitive tissue which hurts in a way reminiscent of the also-blinding eyeball burns incurred by looking directly at a welding torch’s brilliant light without welding goggles*.

There’s sure to be lots more bright ideas floating around out there regarding how best to recognize Miz Cray-Cray McNutcake’s and any subsequent amusing mental/emotional self-detonations, but the above ones should suffice to get the intellectual spark plugs firing, the creative juices flowing, and the internal kick-ball rolling in the right direction, I think.

One final thought: can you even begin to imagine what life must be like for this woman’s husband/boyfriend.significant other (if any)? Y’know, the poor soul who has to go to bed every night and wake up every morning beside this psychopath? Because I gotta say, I can’t. In fact, I really don’t want to. My life sucks bad enough as it is; I don’t like the idea of using my imagination to put my astral projection (a term I picked up from PG Wodehouse’s Laughing Gas) in that pyrsynzzn’s shoes for even one second, which pointless experience would only make things worse for myself than they already were. I ain’t nearly masochist enough to make myself suffer so gratuitously, and with any luck I never will be.

* Although I’ve had countless opportunities to score myself some welding-torch eyeball blisters, I never did; whenever I heard the snap, crackle, and pop seam-building soundtrack warning all shop-rats that Goose had one of our three (3) torches fired up and was starting another of his incredibly flawless welds, I made damned good and sure to keep my back turned to him. From what friends of mine who would know say, the blindness hits shortly after the damage has been done, while the godawful pain usually holds off until sometime next day. The only effective treatment for those blisters I know of is to cut up a raw potato into thin rounds and place a slice on the closed lids of the affected ocular orb, then let it/them sit there for hours and hours. Eventually, the pain goes away, the vision comes back, and the lesson has been learned, to be remembered forever.

It’s all but certain not to go that way, though, as you probably figured out by now. Thanks to inborn human blockheadedness, Nature’s eternal cycle begins anew: the lesson will be forgotten; the attention will stray; the primordial flesh-memory of what it felt like will fade. And before you know it, there you are: somebody is about to get hurt again.

Shop Life 101, that’s all, Shop Life 101.

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CF Glossary

ProPol: Professional Politician

Vichy GOPe: Putative "Republicans" who talk a great game but never can seem to find a hill they consider worth dying on; Quislings, Petains, Benedicts, backstabbers, fake phony frauds

Fake Phony Fraud(s), S'faccim: two excellent descriptors coined by the late great WABC host Bob Grant which are interchangeable, both meaning as they do pretty much the same thing

Mordor On The Potomac: Washington, DC

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pAntiFa: an alternative spelling of "fascist scum"

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