Damn that’s funny!

If it ain’t true, it oughta be

Posted on February 14, 2021February 14, 2021 by Mike

~~Trump~~ Ron DeSantis is MY President, by God.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on Wednesday did not mince words on a congested conference call with Biden and federal health authorities who are seeking to prohibit domestic travel to and from the Sunshine State. DeSantis and Biden exchanged salvos of biting barbs after the criminal president said the federal government had authority to “restrict movement” of the people.

Citing concerns over the widespread proliferation of Covid-19 variants, Biden said he might have to prohibit vehicle and air traffic until the CDC and NIH were confident that currently available vaccinations had a proven efficacy against emerging strains, such as highly transmissible anomalies from the United Kingdom, Brazil, and South Africa.

Also on the call were “Deep State” Dr. Fauci and acting CDC Director Rochelle Walensky, both of whom championed Biden’s idea and told DeSantis that surging cases in Florida threatened to undermine the federal government’s expansive efforts to mitigate spread across the country. Florida, Dr. Fauci said, was the epicenter of Covid-19 mutations, and argued that new variants accounted for between 15-35% of new cases in Florida.

Walensky argued on the call that any attempt by DeSantis to resist a federally mandated travel ban would be immoral, selfish, and possibly illegal.

Biden echoed her words, and he berated DeSantis for having left Florida’s economy open during “the dark days of Covid.” Moreover, Biden claimed he had unilateral and constitutional authority to protect the nation’s health from “rogue politicians” acting in contravention of established health guidelines.

DeSantis’s initial reply was brief and blunt: “I will not comply,” he said, and then cited the CDC’s own statistics showing a nationwide decline in active Covid-19 cases.

There’s not a single syllable uttered by DeSantis here* that I don’t violently agree with (yeah, I said violently, and I damned well meant to) and endorse with all my blackened heart and blasted soul. Most especially this last part:

DeSantis told Dr. Fauci he trusted his own state health authorities over financially incentivized federal officials.

“How much do you stand to earn from these vaccines, Dr. Fauci? And, Joe, if you continue with this course of action, I will authorize the state National Guard to protect the movement of Floridians,” DeSantis said.

“Address me as Mr. President or President Biden,” Biden said.

“I will not, and you can go fuck yourself,” DeSantis said before hanging up.

*According to this article, at any rate; I’ve just been told my a friend of mine that the story has since been debunked. I don’t know if that’s so, and I don’t care. The quote may be Fake, but it’s as Accurate as they come.

Via Bill, who is somewhat skeptical but nonetheless enthusiastic himself:

I hope, hope, hope this is true. It’s probably too good to try to fact-check, but I would try, if I knew how.

It sounds real, though, especially the imperial hauteur of the Fraud-in-Chief.

Remember when Biden thought that the worst a politician might say to him would come via a mean Trump tweet?

Well, we’re moving on to a little harsher stage now. And Crooked Joe and his entire crime family, along with his communist cadre, can all go fuck themselves.

Remember, soft secession and nullification begins with a hearty “Fuck You, Joe!”

Bingo. “Go fuck yourself, Joe” ought to be the watchwords of our age, in the hearts and on the lips of every Real American from this day forward.

Update! Just revisited the piece out of curiosity, and lo and behold, they’ve added an update:

Addendum: We are aware that various so-called fact checking agencies are disputing our account of the telephone call, claiming that the governor’s office has denied the event happened. These so-called fact checking parties are run by the Democratic Deep State. Real Raw News stands by our story and its source, and we would love to see DeSantis comment on it personally.

So would I, buddy, so would I. I doubt that’s at all likely to happen, for all sorts of perfectly good reasons. But if DeSantis should decide to speak up and stand by the story and the quotes therein, I swear I’d follow the man through the very gates of Hell, with a song in my heart and a smile on my face every step of the fucking way.

Suddenly, a reason to care about the Stupor Bowl

Posted on February 9, 2021February 9, 2021 by Mike

Since I haven’t given a fart in a whirlwind about the Negro Felons League since the first players’ strike back in the eighties, I maintained a personal tradition by wasting not one moment of my attention on this year’s Chinkenpox-attenuated Stupid Bowl sub-extravaganza. Accordingly, I spared myself the immersion in a marinade of PC scolding via the halftime ads, including the shitfling starring phonus-balonus limousine liberal and New Jersey Pudhead nonpareil Bruce Springsteed in his accustomed role.

Happily enough, Larry Correia somehow acquired an Eyes-Only-classified copy of the words the Wokester ad execs stuffed betwixt the locked jaws of the self-proclaimed Champion Of Duh Workin’ Mayan™to share with us unhip flyover-country nonentities who may have missed it, intentionally or otherwise. Before we get to that, though, here’s Correia’s idea of what the preliminary storyboarding might have been like:

“You know, sir, during our celebrity voice over talking about the dichotomy between the two sides of the country, to contrast the red staters playing in the dirt, we should put a bunch of big gleaming pretty glass buildings in the background, so that we can subtly remind them that we’re above them.”

“Good call. And for the fly over people get all the cow skulls, broken wind-mills, and silos you can find. We can’t ever let them forget their place. Alright, on that voice over, what celebrity is hot right now with those racist dipshits?”

“Cardi B? She’s a Hash Tag Strong Woman.”

“No. Everyone knows Red Staters hate women. I saw it on the Hand Maid’s Tale. We need nominally male gender identifying, someone who represents those backwards inbred hicks. Can we get Bruce Springsteen?”

“But sir, isn’t he a flaming liberal from New Jersey who campaigned for Joe Biden and who routinely sneers at our target audience of uneducated rubes? Since they’re feeling mocked, disenfranchised, and thousands of them just lost their high paying energy jobs, how can we foist a coastal elitist millionaire musician on them?”

The MBAs all share a confused and worried glance about how to overcome this seemingly insurmountable issue.

“Hmm… But what if we stick him in a cowboy hat?”

“BRILLIANT!”

Oh, absolutely! Moving on to the script:

Hi. I’m Bruce Springsteen, millionaire musician, but today I’m driving around bumfuck nowhere in some busted ass old jeep to a melancholy soundtrack looking like an extra on Longmire so that you know I’m JUST LIKE YOU. Poor.

Look. A cross. Because Jesus or something. I don’t know. I got paid like two hundred grand for one day of work. Here’s some high-minded sounding poet laureate style voice over about how we’re all in this together that I probably recorded in the studio in my mansion.

Now I’m gonna be extra sanctimonious about how hard it is to meet in THE MIDDLE.

Red versus Blue… Sure, team blue was all #RESIST for the last four years and endless goofy investigations, but if you think security videos of 50 mystery boxes being delivered by a Detroit election van at 3:00 AM is worthy of an audit you are basically a terrorist who needs to be cancelled and driven from society.

Citizen versus Servant. Like it’s okay for riots to burn the places where citizens live and work for months on end, but if the servants are inconvenienced for a day that’s basically a coup that requires more troops than we landed on Utah Beach.

We need that connection. We need the middle. Because somebody has to pay the taxes to bail out our hedge fund buddies.

There’s a Divide. Of course that divide is your problem and totally not our fault. Look, a horse.

Our light has always found its way through the darkness. Said darkness obviously being four years of somebody we didn’t like briefly keeping us from doing every crazy ass thing we wanted to. Have some more executive orders.

But there’s hope… on the road… because we installed an old white segregationist who got millions funneled to him through his crackhead son from communist China… but if you talked about that in October you got kicked off the internet for Fake News. But now the news is real. So Hunter got a book deal from the same publishing house that cancelled a senator’s book about the dangers of Big Tech censorship.

Damn… How many crosses do you people need?

To the ReUnitied States of America. We even made the star red too because we are completely incapable of any introspection whatsoever.

Buy our shit.

Good stuff for sure. For a further setup for my payoff pitch, have yourself a gander at the damage done to Sudden Patriot Brucie’s ravaged, leathery mug by long years enjoying the Lifestyle Of The Rich And Useless:

So much healing and unity… pic.twitter.com/fL9GRBsIwc

— Mike LaChance (@MikeLaChance33) February 8, 2021

YIKES. Also, OOF. The knockout-punchline, as coined by an astute AOSHQ commentard:

21 Bruce looks like that Indian who beat the drum in the Covington kid’s face. Posted by: x4

And—provided we all overlook the excess poundage put on by all those expensive meals cooked up by Working Class Bruce’s personal gourmet chef, along with the luxe dentition denied the penurious Chief Sues-A-Lot—well, damned if he don’t at that. Which, for a smarmy egotist like Springsprangsproing, is bound to smart a goodish bit.

Hey, who says there ain’t no justice in this world?

Le mots juste

Posted on February 7, 2021February 7, 2021 by Mike

Precision, people. In language, as in all things.

When You Think of Joe Biden Is ‘Swagger’ Really the First Word That Comes to Mind?

Not hardly. Not first, nor last, nor anyplace betwixt. I doubt I could ever GET that sloppy drunk, honestly, even back in my heyday for such things. Not for lack of capacity or will, mind; the spirit(s) is willing, though the flesh be weak. It’s just that there ain’t that much liquor on the entire planet.

We went four years without glossy magazine covers trying to puff up the image of the sitting president. And no magazine ever featured our former first lady, an actual fashion model, either. The Bidens have now graced several, but this may be the most absurd. GQ Hype in the U.K. gave President Biden a fashion spread that is just….gag-worthy. The cover reads “Joe Biden, Swagger-in-Chief!” with a picture of the president LARPing Garth Brooks sitting on the tailgate of a vintage pick-up truck, complete with a few bottles of Budweiser at his side:

This magazine is trying to turn a septuagenarian from Delaware with cognitive issues into a heartthrob. Really? Swagger?

Stagger is a lot more like it. They were closer than you might think, actually; they only flubbed it by the one letter. In a sense, though, this embarrassing rumpswabbery is an entirely fitting thing. The fluffer-girls at GQ stitched up a phony image promoting one of the biggest phonies ever to occupy space actual humans might require for other, more useful purposes. They’re propping up a prop, creating a character for a man bereft of any. You don’t get more fitting than that.

Additionally, there’s GQ Hype itself to consider. I mean, could there possibly BE a magazine more appropriately named? C’MON, MAN!!!

Hope they put Dress-Up Joe into a Spiderman costume next. Or maybe do Gene Simmons, of KISS. I think that would be pretty cool.

Outsider trading

Posted on February 2, 2021February 2, 2021 by Mike

Clown car, clown country, clown world.

If America is a clown country, the ruling class on Wall Street, along with their ruling class friends in Washington, are driving the clown car.

Enter Reddit.

You might have noticed that the suits are very upset this week. That’s because anonymous Redditors, while presumably brushing the Cheeto dust off their laptop keyboards, decided to do a little bit of stock speculation.

They had no fancy tools, no quantitative analysis, no Bloomberg terminals, and they’re certainly not members of the elite class who are entitled to engage in such sophisticated business.

What they did have was unbridled rage and disdain for the drivers of the clown car, and when they found a way to exploit them, they hijacked the clown car for themselves and took it for an epic joyride.

But if there’s anything the ruling class hates, it’s losing money—especially to a bunch of unwashed punks who were laughing in their faces while they sent Melvin Capital hurtling towards bankruptcy. In an instant, the rightful owners of the clown car demanded it back.

You see, only fancy hedge fund managers—members of the Wall Street ruling class—are allowed to decide the value of a stock. Those hedge fund managers decided the value of GameStop, a brick and mortar retailer, was very little. Hence the massive short position. They were allowed to short the stock as they pleased, which of course, in turn, continued to drive down the value of the stock, helping their positions. They knew what they were doing. Their friends at other hedge funds knew it, too, and took full advantage, pummeling GameStop into the ground.

But when Reddit decided the value of GameStop, a cutting-edge video game distribution company, was worth $350 per share (or at least worth enough to watch hedge fund managers cry, which is a hilarious source of entertainment) they were banned from purchasing the stock on almost every platform.

In our clown country, only the ruling class is allowed to win. If the ruling class is not winning, it will simply change the rules of the game.

Matt Taibbi takes the piss:

The only thing “dangerous” about a gang of Reddit investors blowing up hedge funds is that some of us reading about it might die of laughter. That bit about investigating this as a “pump and dump scheme” to push prices away from their “fundamental value” is particularly hilarious. What does the Washington Post think the entire stock market is, in the bailout age?

America’s banks just had maybe their best year ever, raking in $125 billion in underwriting fees at a time when the rest of the country is dealing with record unemployment, thanks entirely to massive Federal Reserve intervention that turned a crash into a boom. Who thinks the “fundamental value” of most stocks would be this high, absent the Fed’s Atlas-like support in the last year?

In other words, it was all well and good for investment banks and executives of phoney-baloney companies to gorge themselves on funhouse profits on a funhouse economy, but when amateurs decided to funnel just a bit of this clown show into their own pockets, finance pros wailed like the grave of Adam Smith had been danced upon.

GameStop has prompted more pearl-clutching than any news story in recent memory. Expert after grave-faced expert has marched on TV to tell Reddit traders that markets are complicated, this isn’t a game, and they wouldn’t be doing this, if they really understood how things work.

“I’m not sure everybody fully understands what’s happening here,” was the melancholy comment on CNBC of Wall Street’s famed fluffer-in-chief, Andrew Ross Sorkin. The author of Too Big to Fail added in pedagogic tones that while this “stick it to the man moment” might feel good, betting up the value of GameStop above Delta Airlines just isn’t right, because “there are no fundamentals here.”

Fundamentals? How much does Sorkin think his exalted Delta Airlines would be worth now, if the Fed hadn’t stopped its death plunge last March? How much would any of the airlines be worth in the Covid age, with their fleets of mothballed jets? What a joke!

Furthermore, everybody “understands” what happened with GameStop. Unlike some other Wall Street stories, this one isn’t complicated. The entire tale, in a nutshell, goes like this. One group of gamblers announced, “Fuck you!” Another group announced back: “No, fuck YOU!”

That’s it. Or, as one market analyst put it to me this morning, “A bunch of guys made a bet, got killed, then doubled and tripled down and got killed even more.”

He digs into the real nitty-gritty of the thing, and it’s worth a read if you’re interested. But for me, “No, fuck YOU!” is all I need to know, and t’will suffice. Anything that reduces The Power to bitching and boo-hoo’ing this way, hey, I’m good with it.

What they voted for

Posted on January 31, 2021January 31, 2021 by Mike

Good. And. Hard.

Don’t know if it’s for real or not. But I desperately hope that it is.

Next, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh:

Heh. That delicate, far-off sound you’re straining to hear is the world’s smallest violin as it plays Hearts And Flowers, expressing my sympathy level for all China Joe-voting idiots suddenly waxing all stunned and dismayed at getting PRECISELY what they voted for. Enjoy your palatial new Tent Homes in a Fauciville near you, assholes.

Speaking of Faucivilles: some of y’all may already know that I’ve spent almost my entire adult life supplementing my perennially pitiful income as a professional writer. The overwhelming majority of my work over lo, these many years has been political essays, with the occasional history- or music-related article, celebrity interview, or random humor piece sprinkled in here and there just to stave off the monotony. I even tried my hand at an autobiographical novel a few years back, at the insistence of several good friends and relatives. I managed to get a bit under three chapters into the thing before having to admit I was in way over my head and giving it up as a bad job.

Oh, and then there was my stint writing porn “letters to the editor” for various Bob Guccione periodicals, about which the less said etc. Who knows, though; I might just decide to do a tell-all about that someday too. Turns out there’s a lot to tell, surprisingly enough. I got that gig via the influence and connections of my dear departed brother Chris Pfouts, another pro scribe who also happened to be one of the best damned writers I’ve even been fortunate enough to know personally.

On my arduous journey through the killing thickets of writerdom I’ve commited one (count ’em, 1) act of true, honest tp goodness journalism—available for perusal using the Leatherballs menu link above;the Myrtle Beach Goodbye piece, should you be at all interested—back when I was working for Outlaw Biker. Now I’ve decided to embark on a second foray into the treacherous toils of Real Journalism, chronicling the incredible blossoming of one of those Fauciville tent-cities becoming increasingly familiar in decrepit urban shitholes all across the “nation.”

It started at the triangle-shaped island where Church Street splits off from southbound North Tryon, which suddenly became host to a small encampment of around fifteen or twenty tents just a few months back. From there the disgusting, garbage-strewn atrocities have multiplied, now engulfing very nearly every last square inch of available ground on the northern quadrant of downtown Charlotte.

Having worked for many years in the downtown CLT area, the sight of homeless sidewalk-dwellers is nothing new to me. But I have never, ever seen anything remotely like this. And it’s by no means the filthy stewbums, crackheads, and mentally-disturbed wretches, mostly Negroes, that we’ve all become familiar with. I know of at least one young-ish white woman with two small children in tow out there too, her overall appearance disheveled but not downright grungy…yet. I’m seeing a rapidly increasing number of others who are similarly outside the bounds of familiar stereotype, looking more like shell-shocked recent arrivals rather than the irretrievably dysfunctional habitues of the shelters and street grates.

What I’m NOT seeing is any local media coverage of this mind-boggling surge of homelessness, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anybody. “Growing armies of the homeless” media pity-parties, after all, only come along to monopolize tee-wee “news” broadcasts and newspapers when there’s a Republican in the White House. They’re like those old “Grim milestone” body count tallies that were ubiquitous back when “journalists” had Dubya the Genocidal Chimperor’s neck to hang ’em around; maybe you noticed how, despite launching deadly military adventures of every stripe so long as there was no perceivable US interest at stake, the Ogabe junta nonetheless found itself unburdened by the kind of saturation coverage used to hound and hinder his hapless predecessor. Probably just coincidence, I’m sure.

If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself, I suppose. So first chance I get over the next cpl-three days, I’ma go take a few photos of the wreckage. From a distance, that is; I don’t plan on interviewing any of the residents, since what folks used to quaintly call “hobo jungles” are known for being veritable petri dishes for the cultivation of exotic, fatal diseases, as well as the random knifings, rapes, beatings, and sundry mayhem common therein—none of which I have any desire to be subjected to. I’ll get the pics and write a little something up for posting in another day or two.

Gonna need more popcorn over here

Posted on January 24, 2021January 24, 2021 by Mike

Wherever HL Mencken’s eternal soul is resting these days (or roasting, as the case may be), you can almost hear the crusty old curmudgeon roaring with laughter.

https://t.co/bMdThimB42 pic.twitter.com/3grahmtn24

— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) January 23, 2021

Suffer, bitches. As Mencken said: Good. And. HARD. Mo’ bettah just deserts:

Several unions that eagerly endorsed President Joe Biden during the 2020 presidential election are now learning the hard way what it means to support Democrat policies.

During his first day in office, the newly-inaugurated president revoked the construction permit for the Keystone XL oil pipeline, thus destroying thousands of jobs.

And not just any jobs — but union jobs.

TC Energy Corp., the Canadian company that shares ownership of the pipeline with the Alberta government, had estimated that 10,000 jobs — in addition to the 1,000 already established — would be created in 2021 alone thanks to the construction of the pipeline.

In response, several once unabashedly pro-Trump unions lashed out.

“In revoking this permit, the Biden Administration has chosen to listen to the voices of fringe activists instead of union members and the American consumer on Day 1,” Mark McManus, the president of the United Association of Union Plumbers and Pipefitters said in a statement Thursday.

“Sadly, the Biden Administration has now put thousands of union workers out of work. For the average American family, it means energy costs will go up and communities will no longer see the local investments that come with pipeline construction.”

But the problem is that the union endorsed Biden last year and repeatedly promoted his agenda.

You were warned; it’s not as if Biden made any secret of his plan to kill off the oil bidness, along with several other entire sectors of bedrock American industry. Now you’re all weepy and butthurt, so shocked are you all to see a goddamned Commiecrat behaving in precisely the same destructive, economy-killing fashion they have been for decades now.

Sucks to be you, cupcake. You dumb shits made a bed of nails for the entire country. Now you get to lie in it beside the rest of us. Serves you right, say I. Once again: suffer, bitches. I sincerely hope you savor every last second of the pain and hardship you heedlessly, needlessly brought down on not just your own empty fucking heads, but everybody else’s too.

Idiots.

Blackbird buzz

Posted on January 22, 2021January 22, 2021 by Mike

A great story from start to finish, but do stick with it. As with so many other things in life, the best parts come in at the end.

Quoth WeirdDave: “If you’re going to buzz the tower, why not do it in a Blackbird, that’s what I say.” I couldn’t agree more.

PWNED!

Posted on January 13, 2021January 13, 2021 by Mike

I fucking LOVE it.

Andrew Torba, the CEO of Gab, a free-speech alternative to Twitter, backed up President Trump’s entire account before it was deleted, and recreated it on Gab.

Gab is currently experiencing bandwidth issues over a surge in new users and attacks from liberal groups.

If Trump is looking to find a new social media platform, Torba seems to be nudging Trump to go to Gab, though it is not clear whether that is the reason behind the recreation of Trump’s Twitter account on the platform. The account has “Pro” status and states that the account was created in August 2016. The account does not follow any other accounts but has 1.2 million followers.

Those bandwidth issues appear to be genuine; when I tried to look in my own Gab page just now, this is what I got:

Gab is growing rapidly in a historic exodus from Big Tech, and fending off sophisticated attacks that seek to silence and censor your ability to Speak Freely.

While we work to scale up there will be periods of growing pains, slowness, and even downtime. We would appreciate your patience and support during this.

I was never a Twatter person, and I’m not really a Gab person either. I’m way too, umm, verbose, shall we say, to be able to live within the confines of a 240-character limit; I’ve always been way more inclined to run to 2000 words or better. Hey, what can I say, I’m a long-form kind of guy. But best wishes for all success to Gab just the same; Torba’s sly maneuver today was a thing of beauty, and I cheerfully tip my cap to him for his stylish derring-do. Why Trump didn’t make the switch over there long ago is beyond me.

Okay, I just had to share…

Posted on January 9, 2021January 9, 2021 by Ironbear

I thought I was done for the night after that last one, but then this came along:

January 9, 2021
INSTAPUNDIT’S CUCKING NOW? Don’t go crazy, people. They want you to go crazy. Posted by Glenn Reynolds at 8:58 am
Glenn Reynolds at InstaPundit

Inspired by this:

With all due credit to the incomparable Chris Muir.

Sorry but not-sorry Glenn: I’m with Muir on this one.

Size matters

Posted on January 6, 2021January 6, 2021 by Mike

Wait, whut?!?

John Dillermand has an extraordinary penis. So extraordinary, in fact, that it can perform rescue operations, etch murals, hoist a flag and even steal ice-cream from children.

The Danish equivalent of the BBC, DR, has a new animated series aimed at four- to eight-year-olds about John Dillermand, the man with the world’s longest penis who overcomes hardships and challenges with his record-breaking genitals.

Unsurprisingly, the series has provoked debate about what good children’s television should – and should not – contain.

Even more unsurprisingly, said “debate” revolves entirely around political correctness and shitlib shibboleths rather than how just plain fucked up the whole thing is.

Since premiering on Saturday, opponents have condemned the idea of a man who cannot control his penis. “Is this really the message we want to send to children while we are in the middle of a huge #MeToo wave?” wrote the Danish author Anne Lise Marstrand-Jørgensen.

Christian Groes, an associate professor and gender researcher at Roskilde University, said he believed the programme’s celebration of the power of male genitalia could only set equality back. “It’s perpetuating the standard idea of a patriarchal society and normalising ‘locker room culture’ … that’s been used to excuse a lot of bad behaviour from men. It’s meant to be funny – so it’s seen as harmless. But it’s not. And we’re teaching this to our kids.”

Worse still, it presents not just a male but his huge schlong specifically not as a terrifying, rape-addled fiend but as a superhero, which as we all know is COMPLETELY unacceptable.

Erla Heinesen Højsted, a clinical psychologist who works with families and children, said she believed the show’s opponents may be overthinking things. “John Dillermand talks to children and shares their way of thinking – and kids do find genitals funny,” she said.

Well hey, who doesn’t? Let him who is without sin cast the first etc. Now, who’s ready to learn something new? I know I am!

Højsted conceded the timing was poor and that a show about bodies might have considered depicting “difference and diversity” beyond an oversized diller (Danish slang for penis; dillermand literally means “penis-man”). “But this is categorically not a show about sex,” she said. “To pretend it is projects adult ideas on it.”

An “oversized diller.” Am I a bad person for finding that hilarious? Yes, there’s a still from the show’s inaugural episode included, although the depiction of this heroic Übercock might not conform to your expectations. It seems to be wearing some kind of stripey sweater, in fact. Either that, or Dillermand’s Dillywand sports some amazing tattoo work.

Ehh, no matter. Go get ’em, Penisman! Only you can save us now.

(Via MisHum)

Fake but accurate

Posted on December 31, 2020December 31, 2020 by Mike

Too, TOO accurate. But if this way of expressing the idea doesn’t suit ya and you’re on friendly terms with any old-school country types, just ask ’em what they mean when they speak of somebody having been “corncobbed.” Same thing, really.

Swiped from the ONT.

When she’s right…

Posted on December 28, 2020December 28, 2020 by Mike

…the girl is RIGHT.

IMPORTANT THREAD 👇

Many people scoff at my progressive ideas and predictions.

But eventually, they *always* come true.

So I thought I’d start compiling a list of every time I was ahead of the curve…

— Titania McGrath (@TitaniaMcGrath) December 18, 2020

Gorillapundit helpfully converted a few of her followup Tweets to plain text:

TITANIA’S PREDICTIONS

On 22 December 2018, I called for biological sex to be removed from birth certificates.
On 17 December 2020, the New England Journal of Medicine concurred.

On 1 October 2019, I suggested that young women should be encouraged to travel alone in rural Pakistan.
On 12 October 2019, Forbes Magazine concurred.

On 19 September 2018, I criticised Julie Andrews (aka Mary Poppins) for chimney soot blackface.
On 28 January 2019, the New York Times concurred.

And so they all did. A couple more:

On 6 June 2019, I demanded an option to mute white males.
On 14 July 2020, Instagram concurred.

On 21 December 2018, I wrote an article to endorse fighting with relatives during the holiday season.
On 28 November 2019, the Nation concurred.

Titiana must have some sort of weird magical prognosticative power or something, bless her heart. For his own part, GP continues with a “Woke Or Joke?” meme compendium that’s sure to leave almost anyone totally stumped.

I bring you good tidings of great joy

Posted on December 19, 2020December 19, 2020 by Mike

No, not THOSE good tidings of etc. In welcome contradiction of my recent claim concerning the routine failure of the Get Woke Go Broke boycotts to result in anybody actually, y’know, Going Broke:

In early 2019 Gillette released its infamous “toxic masculinity” commercial which effectively accused its loyal customer base of being bullies and sexual predators. That ad sparked an angry backlash of men who are fed up with SJW attacks on them, and who vowed to stop buying Gillette products. (I’m one of them.) Six months later Procter & Gamble had to take an $8 billion impairment charge due to Gillette’s declining sales and the declining book value of the Gillette brand, which caused P&G to have an overall $5 billion loss that quarter.

We don’t know how many millions of men quit buying Gillette products after it went hyper-woke, because P&G isn’t telling us. But the Securities and Exchange Commission does require P&G to document problem areas and potentially impaired assets.

Procter & Gamble’s 10-K published in August for the fiscal year ending 6/30/2020 is a long slog of a report, but in summary, things are going well for all P&G units except “Shave Care”.

Hilariously, P&G attempts to lay the blame for Gillette’s sudden collapse on…wait for it…waaaait for it…THEVIRUSTHEVIRUSTHEVIRUS!!!™ Because, y’know, reasons. Buck cheerfully takes a lance to that lame-ass boil.

It’s weird, but as I perused this 10-K report, I found that there is only one P&G unit that may have an upcoming impairment charge, and that one unit is its “Shave Care” unit. Covid apparently isn’t having an impact on Old Spice sales (Old Spice is part of P&G’s “Beauty Care” division), but those same men still buying Old Spice aftershave have stopped buying Gillette razors. Yeah right. Or maybe it’s because P&G hasn’t yet run any commercials where it slanders its Old Spice users as bullies and sexual predators.

P&G tries out several other rationales while scrupulously avoiding any mention of the ill-considered foray into the Kingdom of Woke as a possible cause for Gillette auguring in. Lest we forget, the Male Hate ads were by no means Woke Gillette’s only misfire:

Go out there and slay the day 💪🏼 📸 Glitter + Lazers pic.twitter.com/cIc0R3JfpR

— Gillette Venus (@GilletteVenus) April 3, 2019

That scarifying offense against pretty much everything imaginable inspired a pictorial response from me, which I’m happy to repost now in celebration of the Big Faceplant.

Tragically, the post with the above images was vaporized in last year’s blog-buster hack, along with the images themselves and pretty much everything else. But I did have copies here on the local machine, thank goodness.

Kill Bill

Posted on December 16, 2020December 16, 2020 by Mike

Nobody brings the heat quite like Ace does. Exhibit A:

Cartoonishly Fat Democrat Huckster Bill Kristol Dream-Journals for Hours on Twitter About What the New Political Party He’ll be Leading Will be Called
—Ace

Serious. People.

Who’s going to follow this obese, cognitively-declining traitor anywhere?

Fuck, I wouldn’t follow this gelatinous pile of failure and decay into an Arby’s. And I would actually like to go to an Arby’s.

He’s just sitting there on Twitter like an unemployed grifter (hey… ) noodling about what he’s going to call his Fantasy Political Party.

He’s going to be a leader of men?

How does that work? Are we now choosing male leaders based on cup size?

It’s fucking pathetic. He’s so far gone he doesn’t understand that obese, elderly men talking about their fantasies on twitter should be a source for embarrassment, not a high point of his professional career.

Hey Fatso, if you’re going to fantasize, maybe fantasize about a heart-healthy cheesecake that won’t go straight to your hips.

Dude, OUCH. Also, heh. He goes on from there to savage “Dr” Joette Biden, Fake First Lady of whatever we’re gonna be calling the fake pseudo-nation formerly known as the United States of America from now on.

True colors update! Another backstabbing NeverTrump retard gets the smackdown he deserves.

And there it is…

Steve Schmidt is now officially a Democrat.

And he’s already pissed at people using “Democrat” instead of “Democratic.”

Alt Headline: Lincoln Project member fully endorses party of slavery:

The head of the Lincoln Project is emphasizing the long & storied history of the Democratic Party. https://t.co/5ioGghFW1F

— Jerry Christmas, B.A. (@JerryDunleavy) December 16, 2020

OUCH and heh again. Additional bitchslappin’ hilarity here.

Although in Li’l Stevie’s defense, the ig’nernt asshole is most likely totally, blissfully unaware of that whole “party of slavery, Jim Crow, and segregation” business. Doesn’t excuse it, merely explains it. Now do Li’l Ricky “My Favorite Martian” Wilson for us, ‘kay?

Howlers

Posted on December 12, 2020 by Mike

This just tickled me all to hell when I first heard it, for all sorts of reasons.

A Klezmer Christmas to one and all! When I sent that link to Brack earlier, he returned fired with another real sidesplitter, albeit not Christmas-related.

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