A bargain at any price

Reminds me of the dialogue between H.I. and Glen in Raising Arizona:

“It’s a crazy world.”

“Somebody oughta sell tickets.”

“I’d buy one.”

Merch commemorating drunk Virginia raccoon raises over $250,000 for animal shelter
Merchandise commemorating the raccoon that gained international fame by barging into a Virginia liquor store, smashing bottled spirits and passing out drunk in a bathroom on Black Friday has raised more than a quarter-million dollars for the local animal shelter where he slept off his bender.

The Hanover county animal protection shelter raised the charitable amount after caring for the inebriated raccoon in question and teaming up with custom apparel maker Bonfire to create and sell items seizing on the internet virality achieved by the creature.

Emblazoned with the words “Trashed Panda”, the shirts, sweatshirts, cups and stickers contain an image of a raccoon spread-eagle next to a spilled booze bottle – unmistakably evoking the compromising position the animal that burgled the Ashland ABC store on 29 November was found and photographed in.

Proceeds from the campaign anchored by those limited edition items “directly support shelter animal care and enrichment”, according to Bonfire’s website.

An ABC store employee found what Bonfire’s website referred to as “our unexpected raccoon celebrity” next to a toilet the day after Thanksgiving. Shattered whiskey bottles littered the path to the bathroom, and the raccoon was evidently inebriated when it was photographed for posterity’s sake.

The animal was uninjured beyond possibly grappling with hangover symptoms and regret over “poor life choices”, said officials at the shelter where the raccoon was brought to proverbially dry out.

A fine sense of humor, these animal-shelter employees have. I hope they make a gazillion dollars off this merchandise, they deserve it.

Laissez les bon temps roulez!

Allons danser de zydeco, churrens.

CJ makes that beautiful Stradella-Musette squeezebox all but talk, don’t he? Good, good stuff. If this next selection doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, better check yourself for a pulse immediately—because you probably aint’ got one.

Time for a little backstory on CJ and the Red Hots, I believe: CJ Chenier is the rebel son of legendary zydeco musician Clifton Chenier, whose Red Hot Louisiana Band CJ kept alive upon the old man’s demise, after casting off his own deep uncertainty regarding whether he could, or even should, assume his father’s role. In fact, the above video is taken from a show commemorating Papa Clifton ’s 100th birthday, featuring several extraordinary accordionists in addition to Chenier fils.

As Fate would have it, I have a little history with CJ and the Red Hots my own self. Back in my glorious NYC days, the Red Hots were scheduled to play the long-gone Tramps concert hall one night. The venue’s owner (Terry Dunne), knowing what a big fan of CJ Chenier I was, telephoned to inform me that I needed to haul some serious ass down to his joint for sound check, so’s he could introduce me to dem Ragin’ Cajuns.

So of course I did that thing. The band’s lineup was more or less the same as in the Austin City Limits vid up top, excepting the drummer. Offsetting this somewhat disappointing absence, Red Hots rhythm guitar/triangle virtuoso Harry Hippolite was present and accounted for, which saved the day from being a near-wipeout pour moi.

In the end, Harry, CJ, lead guitarist Rodney Bartholomew—hell, the whole lot—turned oout to be some of the nicest, friendliest, most easygoing folks you could ever hope to meet, and I consider myself blessed indeed to have made their acquaintance on that frabjous day. No oversize egos; no pretention; no falsity; no attempt to deride, belittle, or antagonize; no throwing around of (nonexistent) weight—just genuine, regular down-home folks who are glad and grateful to be wherever they are, and likewise glad to have you are there with ’em.

After kicking back with the fellas and chit-chatting about the kind of things salty old road dogs tend to talk sbout when they get together—dive bars, loose women, incompetent sound men, the chronic diarrhea brought on by a succession of greasy, grab-it-n-gobble-it meals day after day after day—Harry sidled up quietly to ask a question of me: as a resident of NYC, perhaps I might know where a guy could score himself a little weed?

Now it just so happened that at that time I was co-bartending every Friday night with this babe-a-iicious half-Thai chick who just so happened to be slinging some of the most ass-kicking skunk EVAR. So I went upstairs, made a quick phone call, and a deal was made. I semi-speed-walked sixteen blocks downtown and a cpl-three east of Tramps’ West 21st Street location, picked up the goods, walked back to Tramps, and voila! Just that quick and easy, the deed was done.

Back inside the quiet, near-deserted main room of Tramps, I nabbed a complimentary Tanqueray and tonic and lingered at the bar for a pleasant interlude confabbing with the fresh-off-the-boat fair Colleen behind the stick, Katherine by name, with whom I’d gotten very chummy in the course of my own many Tramps gigs.

Katherine closed our too-brief tête à tête with a lively but demure kiss (a seeming impossibillity I’ve never before or since known any woman to do) and merrily shooed me off to someplace else, saying she had a whole lot of work to do and not a whole lot of time in which to do it, so I headed back down to the Green Room to deliver my precious cargo. Harry nabbed the bag from my hand, twisted a tight, slender pin-joint, and sparked up. Everyone huddled up in a shoulder-to-shoulder circle and passed Harry’s handiwork around.

I mean, we fumigated the space with a sweet-smelling cloud of ganja smoke in short order! As the happy-stick made its appointed rounds, CJ gratefully assured me that henceforth I would have a guar-on-teed spot on the guest list, including a plus-one of my choosing, for any Red Hots performance I cared to attend, anywhere. Also, the promised guest-list spot had no expirstion date, would be a forever kind of thing. Taken aback by such unexpected generosity, I clasped CJ’s big hand and shook it heartily, which heartfelt yet insufficient gesture he double-trumped when he threw an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into a powerful bear-hug.

Good music; good friends; a righteous buzz; an impromptu private bash thrown  in a large, well-kept dressing room; a comely young Irish lass who’d long since made it abundantly clear to me that she could be had mere steps away—I ask you, what more could a guy ask for?

Now if that ain’t a happy ending, I don’t know what would be.

PS: I felt it necessary to do this post because of BCE’s account of his recent N’Awliins adventure, for the edification (hopefully) of one of the commenters over there.

* No-Tell Motel, this would be; my smoking-hot fellow barkeep would on occasion bake a big batch of loco weed-spiked brownies to plate up and set out on the bar for Those Who Know to avail themselves of—which is how it came to pass that I got famed teetotaler Glenn Danzig stoned out of his gourd one fine Friday night, a hy-larious true-life tale I’m pretty sure I told here some years back

The greatest pop-rock song yet written

That would be this one, of course.

Don’t insult my intelligence by trying to claim you never heard this one before, you liar. Part of what makes this a veritably flawless pop song is that 1) EVERYBODY has heard it before; 2) everybody likes it; and 3) everybody remembers it well.

There ya go, those three fulfill pretty much all the requirements.

The melody is so catchy and infectious it never really leaves your head, provided you aren’t a complete music-hater…which almost nobody actuallly is. The central guitar riff and fills are ditto, same-same with the vocal harmonizing and the call-and-response-style backing vocal in the turnaround. The rhythm is bouncy and eminently danceable, checking the last remaining box in confirmation of the song’s GOAT status.

Helping to advance the case still further is that all the performances are spot on, both instrumental and vocal, as are the mix, the editing, and the mastering. The lone questionable aspect here is the subject matter, which even so makes the whole enchilada stand out in the average person’s mind as unusual, even unique, thereby turning what might have been a minus into a plus. More proof, as if any were needed, is this YT commenter’s assessment:

@warpig4942
5 years ago (edited)

Almost 40 years…. still the most famous phone number on Earth.

Yep, no argument from me.

Lightning sure struck in a big way this time, not just for Tommy Heath and his band but for all of us.

The libertarian (small-L) creed

Having gone deep down another YewToob rabbit hole tonight, this one Firefly/Serenity-related, I just gotta post (repost, actually) this immortal clip wherein Captain Mal Reynolds nails it all down clean and tight.

Never have been able to figure out how it is that Joss Whedon could’ve written such dead-on dialogue as is on proud display throughout Firefly and Serenity both—about as anti-collectivist as it’s possible to be—yet could still be a goddamned standard-issue liberal moron his own self.

As Jayne says of another character in another scene, Mal is seriously starting to damage my calm here. Simply because he’s right: no matter how badly they screw up, how utterly they fail, snd/or how many lives they destroy along the way, they willl most assuredly try again. They will never stop trying again, whatever the consequences—not just for them, but for all of us. This, after all, is just who they are, it’s what they do.

Musical notes

Had a few most excellent old tunes that I’d jdamned near forgotten about altogether pop into my empty head the other day, and I been a-movin’ and a-groovin’ to ‘em ever since. First up, Jack Rabbit Slim’s slashing, energetic “Rock-A-Cha.”

Next up, Travis and Bob’s cool old chestnut, “Tell Him No,” which I used to play with Mook in the Parodis.

Then, we have the legendary Sister Rosetta Tharpe and her great, great rendition of “Didn’t It Rain.”

I dunno, seeing Tharpe wailing on that SG Custom always felt sorta incongruous to me, perhaps because I never could stand an SG myself. Doesn’t seem to bother her any, though.

Lastly but by no means leastly, my own personal favorite of the whole bunch: Larry Finnegan’s strange but haunting 1962 earwig, “Dear One.”

What, you didn’t think I WASN’T gonna delve a little further into this one, did ya? COME ON, MAN! I DID say it was one of my all-timers, ya know.

Finnegan’s wavery falsetto on the intro immediately gives way to a deeper, more chesty man-voice for the rest of the song. It’s just one of several odd, quirky little aspects of this quirky little tune. Others include the spoken lines from the girl who done him wrong, echoing the B-part lyrics sung by Finnegan.

The sudden 180-degree shift in narrative point of view from Finnegan in the victim role to the cheating hussy in this section is almost jarring, but not quite. As the song moves along through, then gets back to the regular chorus-verse-chorus choogle of most pop/rock music, the uninflected, zombie-like recitation of the lame explanation for her faithless betrayal begins to sound funny, really.

Especially the final part, to wit: “But I lost my head/And I lost my heart/And I lost your love to him.” Whuuu….? Lost HIS love, you mean, not YOURS. Right? i mean, how the fug you gonna lose HIS love to etc, ya silly bint?!? Like I said: weird.

Leaving all the departures from standard pop-song form aside, the thing you really want to pay close attention to here is the drummer’s shuffle-beat paradiddling around on the snare. The jangly, tinkly piano is nice, as is the bass line, the guitars, the basic melody, all of it. But it’s the snare drum that drives this thing, that propels the song from run-of-the-mill teenybopper fluff right up into the hightest heights of truly unforgettable music. Once you home in on that snare, that’s it: you’re gone.

As you will no doubt realize straightaway, as inventive and unusual as the entire tune is, it’s that rolling, rollicking snare drum that really makes the whole thing git up and snort. I gots no idea who that drummer is/was, but he’s a bona fide genius—even doing them paradiddles the whole entire song, pretty much, he still never plays ‘em the same way twice.

Reminds me of BP’s drummer Mark, who played similar-type rolls and shuffle-beats on the snare himself, except he pounded them skins so durn viciously you coud almost hear the heads scream in agony. If I’m lyin’, I’m flyin’.

Update! Y’all prolly knew I’d just HAVE to do some poking around on this drummer business, din’tcha?

When it came to music, Larry counted Johnny Cash and Don Gibson as his two favorite artists. While at the university he and his older brother Vincent, then a senior at Boston College, wrote Dear One. They started knocking on the doors of record companies all over New York, but had no takers until they met Hy Weiss, the owner of the small but successful Old Town Records. Weiss had already produced such hits as So Fine by the Fiestas from 1959, and Let The Little Girl Dance by Billy Bland the following year, as well as Life Is But A Dream by the Harptones. Hy Weiss recognized Larry’s talent and saw the potential in Dear One. He also changed Larry’s last name from Finneran to Finnegan, figuring that dee-jays stood a better chance of remembering a common name like Finnegan.

Dear One was recorded at Mira Sound Studios, West 54th St., New York. According to Vincent Finneran, “There was no demo version of ‘Dear One’, just one recording with two takes. And the thing that made the song successful was the engineer Bill McMeekan. He put five microphones in and around the piano and three microphones on the drums which gave the song a unique sound. Dick Pitassy played piano. Two different girls sang on ‘Dear One’; one did the opening female lines and another did the later ones.”

One of the girls, Bambi LaMorte (today Mignon Lawless), remembers, “Larry dated one of my roommates (Sandy Bryant). I attended St.Mary’s College which is directly across the street from Notre Dame. I met Larry through Sandy. We would sometimes all hang out together. I was a music major and since I lived in Pelham, New York (about 20 minutes from Manhattan), Larry asked me if I would sing a female part on his recording. I said ‘Sure.’ We went to a recording studio somewhere in Manhattan over Thanksgiving vacation 1961 and recorded ‘Dear One’. The only professional musician was Gary Chester, the drummer. Larry felt it was important to have an experienced drummer. I believe there were two guitar players, both from Notre Dame. The only things I remember about that night were that the guitar players were not taking the recording seriously enough and kept making mistakes. Larry finally yelled at them and they shaped up. I don’t remember how many tries it took to get the original, but they did a lot of starting and stopping. I do remember that I had to do my part cold turkey, without any practice. I only sang the introduction to ‘Dear One’. They didn’t like the way I spoke the part, and overdubbed it later. I have no idea who the other woman singer is. Larry’s agent hired someone to do it. Larry and I went back to the studio one night and recorded a song we wrote together. I played guitar, he sang, and then we dubbed different instruments onto the recording. It was fascinating to experience his creativity at work.”

Jeez: two takes, no isolation, baffles, or sound damping, just ambient mics and roll tape boys! Sometimes it seems as if there’s a really cool story behind every hit song, out-of-nowhere artist, or recording-studio session, don’t it?

Happy birthday

Or birthday anniversary, at any rate, to one of the greatest pianists of the 20th century, Vladimir Samoylovich Horowitz.

The above vid is just random excerpts from a Teewee show I liked enough to tape on VHS years ago, called Horowitz Plays Mozart, wherein the recording studio session of the maestro playing Mozart’s wonderful Piano Concerto No 23 (K488) is captured—all three movements, plus a hilarious Q&A section with Horowitz as well.

The full version of the show is availabe for perusal on Da Toob also, and well worth chasing down.

Alan Rickman as….WHO?

Don’t know how in God’s name this one got by me, but somehow it did.

The place was an absolute shithole. It smelled like puke and wet garbage. You wouldn’t dare to use the bathroom for anything but to hit up. It was crowded, poorly ventilated, too hot in the summer and too putrid and cold when the heat was on, which wasn’t often. But, CBGB’s was the brain-child of Hilly Kristal, and in the 1970s and 1980s, if you wanted to see the next wave in music, this little hole in the wall in the Bowery in New York City was the place to see it. …

This little shithole gave us introduction to some pretty amazing – and some seriously jerkoff – bands, like The Ramones, Blondie, and Talking Heads.

“CBGB/omfug” stood for: “Country, BlueGrass, Blues/Other Music for Uplifting Gormandizers.”

Anything Alan Rickman is in is good. Juss’ sayin’…

He’s right, right down to the last detail. I’ve watched the trailer about six or seven times now, it ain’t ever gettin’ old.

I played CB’s myself several times, and met Hilly a couple of those times as well. Seemed like a nice enough guy, or he was to me at any rate.

Eyrie note

No, I didn’t forget about the Friday Eyrie column I owe y’all. Because of the holiday I figgered I’d put it off til tomorrow, and also maybe make it another meme post too, since people really seem to like those (meme posts reliably get more visits than anything else, both here and at the Eyrie, go figger). Plus, I’ve downloaded so many really good ones from my usual haunts the last cpl-three weeks, and I’m excited about getting ‘em out there to y’all.

The Monday Substack meme thang will go up as regularly scheduled, unless something wild and crazy happens between now and then.

The power of Elvis part…4?

Well, kinda-sorta, anyway. NOTE: Check out the Greatest Hits page for the first three “Power of Elvis…” installments, to which this post isn’t exactly related other than that they all share a common topic. Or it wasn’t my intention when I was writing it for this piece to be related, nor to amount to a sequel to the others, at any rate. What the hey, it’s all about Elvis in the end, so why belabor such a trivial point?

Today being August 16th, and August 16th, 1977 being the death-i-versary of the once, future, and forever King of Rock and Roll, let’s get to commemoratin’, shall we?

First off, we gots a YewToob of what I consider one of Elvis’s most appealing signature songs, a catchy R&B confection originally penned by Lloyd Price*, which would soon after be immortalized on 2-inch Ampex Grand Master R2R tape (amazing price at the link: 35 dollars? Back in my day we had to fork over slightly more than a hunnerd smackeroos for it) by Price in a NOLA studio session run by the great Dave Bartholomew, writer and producer of many if not most of Antoine “Fats” Domino’s early chartbusters.

Lots of wonderful archival pix in that one of Elvis, Gladys, and the iconic Jordanaires quartet in younger, happier days.

In his latter-day backing band Elvis had a genuine virtuoso on lead guitar, the savant James Burton (“…one of the best guitar players to ever touch a fretboard”), who back in the late ‘60s began working for E first as a player in the touring band, later a recording-studio session man**. Burton stayed on with Presley in both positions until Elvis’s death.

Here’s a fat-Elvis vid of Burton strutting his stuff in Omaha, Nebraska taken in June of ’77, a mere couple of months before Elvis departed this vale of tears. In this short clip, Burton whips his trademark ugly-ass pink paisley Telecaster like a rented mule.

Even a partial listing of musicians Burton worked with either onstage or in the studio is nothing short of jawdropping: Bob Luman; Dale Hawkins; Ricky Nelson; Elvis Presley (he was also leader of Presley’s TCB Band, the same slot as the similarly awe-inspiring Travis Wammack filled for/with Little Richard Penniman at Tramps when the BPs played a 2-shows-per-night, three-night stand opening for the self-styled Architect of Rock & Roll); The Everly Brothers; Johnny Cash; Merle Haggard; Glen Campbell; John Denver; Gram Parsons; Emmylou Harris; Judy Collins; Jerry Lee Lewis; Claude King; Elvis Costello; Joe Osborn; Roy Orbison; Joni Mitchell; Hoyt Axton; Townes Van Zandt; Steve Young; Vince Gill; and Suzi Quatro.

Pretty impressive rundown of name artists, no? All the more impressive because it IS only partial. Others omitted include: Albert Lee, Rodney Crowell, Steve Wariner, Brian May, and Jeff “Skunk” Baxter, to name but a noteworthy few. Even this incomplete list is in fact a veritable Who’s Who of rock & roll, country, rockabilly, and pop artists, that’s what.

Next up: in the aftermath of The King’s bruising humiliation on The Steve Allen Show (after which disastrous outing Elvis could only describe himself as “distraught,” finding himself practically incapable of coherent speech due to the miserable asshat Allen’s openly-flaunted dislike of and contempt for Presley not just as a performer but personally) a visibly-exhausted Elvis had a long, cordial conversation with columnist/reporter/interviewer Hy Gardner for his popular “Hy Gardner Calling” phone-in show.

What a nice departure the warm, friendly, gregarious way Gardner treated the young phenom is from the egomaniac Steve Allen’s supercilious, sneering approach.

Last but by no means least, we come to the well-known story of a show-stopping (literally!) Vegas altercation betwixt Elvis Presley and a belligerent, sloppy-drunk oaf heckler, Big (Boob) Mike Henderson. Clocking in at just under 16 minutes it’s a long ‘un, I freely admit. But stick with it, definitely; the payoff is well worth the wait.

Awright, awright, a WAY better payoff woulda been seeing Elvis slam a hard, fast knuckle samwidge into this punk-ass bitch’s snot locker, knocking Sir Punch-A-Lot flat on his stupid ass onto the casino stage.

As is noted in the vid, Elvis’s deft defusing of a volatile, rapidly-escalating confrontation which could just as easily have taken a different, much darker turn was so smoothly managed that his handling of the situation is still studied today in conflict-management and -resolution training courses as the pluperfect example of how it’s done. Soft-spoken, surehanded, patient, preternaturally calm, humane—against all odds, Elvis forged peace from what appeared to be inevitable, unavoidable violence; soothed and gently reassured 1) a twitchy, unhinged antagonist; 2) an audience made anxious by the increasingly irrational bluster and brigandry of the inebriated, obnoxious lowlife; 3) every musician, crewman, custodian, sound/lighting technician, and venue staffer onstage with the prospective combatants; turned an enemy into a friend by merely speaking frankly and honestly to and demonstrating an unfeigned interest in him—all these nigh-impossibilities pulled off singlehandedly before a capacity crowd of 20,000 screaming cash customers, no less!

Too, it tells us everything we’ll ever need to know about what kind of man Elvis Presley really, truly was way down deep inside.

The narrator of the above vidya dryly informs us that, as the artist the Colonel liked to call “My Boy” strode placidly out to front-center-stage to address his rage-incapacitated interlocutor, Tom Parker was standing in the wings at Stage Right “having a heart attack,” and I expect he was at that. Elvis’s bandmates and backing vocalists (the Sweet Inspirations, Millie Kirkham, and Kathy Westmoreland), the audience, the stagehands, go-fers, and production crew—they must surely ALL have been clutching their chests in prodigious agonies of consternation at the sight of the show’s Starring Attraction putting himself in harm’s way so nonchalantly.

Moving on from speculation, hypothesizing, and out-and-out fantasizing, to this day Elvis Presley still outsells pretty much everybody else, and not by a small margin, either. Despite the figures that show the product fairly flying off the shelves, Elvis Presley records, tapes, and CDs don’t turn up in the Hot 100 nowadays because, according to Billboard, the fact that they aren’t new releases disqualifies them. No matter; we already know well enough who the King really is, thankee. It is assuredly NOT pathetic national joke Howard Stern, however girlishly and vehemently he may whinge otherwise.

In sum, even 48 years after his tragic demise*** the Big E’s spectral presence still looms large over the music biz, an incorporeal inspiration and influence that doesn’t look like going away anytime soon.

Elvis, you may be gone but you will NEVER be forgotten, bless your beautiful soul. We love you, and will always miss you.

* Amusingly enough, I remember meeting Price after one of those aforementioned Tramps shows supporting Little Richard

** A hateful, thankless job if ever there was one; go ahead, ask me how I know, I DARES ya!

*** No, Elvis did NOT “die on the toilet,” as has been gleefully and erroneously claimed for decades by his detractors. Elvis’s master bedroom and en suite bathroom had a modest-sized but plush lounge area separating them, just spacious enough to accommodate a chaise longue and a comfy, well-cushioned La-Z-Boy recliner/rocker. Elvis thought of his lounge as a place of refuge, his own private hideaway in which he could shuck his ELVIS PRESLEY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! persona and go back to being Gladys and Vernon Presley’s only kid—just 19 years of age, a part-time delivery man for Crown Electric Company of Memphis, paid a whopping one (1) dollar per hour—for a spell.

In his lounge, things were quite different: Elvis could laze about in his PJs, his tall, thick, heavily-pomaded, spectacular pompadour disheveled, a-tangle, and uncombed. Unlike World Famous Elvis, Private Lounge Elvis didn’t need to impress anybody; in that place late in the night, he didn’t owe a single soul a single goddamned thing. There was no fear of failure; no grinding pressure to capture and hold an audience; no nervousness, no jittery, unsettled stomach, no stage fright; no expectations whatsoever for him to live up to. In his lounge, Elvis could simply relax, read, and enjoy a refreshing interlude of uninterrupted peace, quiet, and solitude which would belong to him and him alone.

Until that fateful night when his young girlfriend Ginger Alden discovered him crumpled unconscious and non-responsive on the carpeted floor of the lounge—NOT on, in front of, or next to the toilet. Elvis actually passed away in the ambulance on the way to Memphis General Hospital

Update! My mention of Dave Bartholomew way up yonder brought to mind another NOLA R&B icon: Smiley Lewis, who will always be twinned with Bartholomew in my addled, befogged brain for some unknown reason. Between them, those two cats wrote more unforgettable music than you can shake a stick at—music which constitutes the bedrock, the very foundation-stones, of rock & roll both back in Lewis’ and Bartholomew’s day and as we in the modern era know it as well. Like yet another bona-fide legend from a previous musical era, Willie Dixon, Bartholomew and Lewis are simply all over classic R&B/RaB/rock & roll; everyplace you look you’re gonna see those rascals peeping back atcha.

I dunno, maybe I can hardly think of one without thinking immediately of the other because I spent so dang many years playing so dang many of their songs with the BPs. And HEY PRESTO! Just like that, I’m reminded of another legend: Big Al Downing, who we’ve discussed before in these h’yar parts.

Now THAT’S the stuff! Had to’ve played that song about a blue million times with the Playboys, and it was a stone gas each and every time we did. It never yet got old, and it ain’t ever gonna.

Updated update! Every picture tells a story, don’t it?

From August 1977: Thousands of grief-stricken Elvis fans outside Graceland right before the gates were opened to admit them, allowing them to mourn their lost idol in the grounds of his longtime home. From what I’ve read, the feeling of the Presley family was that if the fans were comforted by being invited inside the gates of Graceland and off the streets and sidewalks, then it was worth whatever damage to the carefully-manicured lawn the teeming throng might do along the way.

After all, trampled, torn-up grass, disfigured shrubbery, and mauled flower beds can always be made whole again with some hard work. But a heart shattered by sudden, unexpected bereavement? Ehhh, not so much.

Update to the updated update! Been idly mulling over this self-generated Bartholomew/Lewis mental pairing of mine, when something struck me as kinda weird about it. I mean, it’s mainly just the BarthoLew entity, even though there are a shitload of other two-man combinations which could, perhaps even should, have the same affect on me, but don’t. For example, whenever somebody mention Dave Edmunds, Nick Lowe doesn’t necessarily come waltzing along into my head close behind. Same-same for, oh, say, Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons; David Bowie and Iggy Pop; Pete Townsend and Roger Daltrey; Layne Staley and Jerry Cantrell.

On the flipside, though: Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs? Homer and Jethro? Jan and Dean? Crosby and Hope? Sam and Dave?

Begging your pardon, kind sirs, but don’t you even think of throwing Simon and Garfunkle at me at this juncture. I’ve spent a considerable chunk of my life trying my level best NOT to think of Art Shinola and his boozum chum Paul Gobblefuckndinkle, and after lo, these many years I’ve become quite good at it, believe you me. You chuck those two shit-slurping doofii at my head, thereby distracting me from the task at hand, disrupting my concentration, and upending my groove so ruinously I can’t get my head back on straight, my heart back in the game, my attention refocused and re-aimed correctly, my thoughts realigned and retuned so that they’ll flow freely, unhindered and unobstructed in the way a mighty river does.

I tremble and quake with fear at the painfully slow dawning of a dreadful realization: I may not ever be able to do these most needful of things again. In which event I hereby solemnly swear that I will neither rest nor remit nor recede nor relent until the blaggard who forcibly reacquainted me with those two dickless purveyors of emasculated, stupefyingly flavorless Wimp Rock gruel have been dealt with to my own satisfaction: ie cruelly, harshly, and above all fully.

Lastly but not leastly, what price Loretta and Doolittle Lynn (to purloin a typically-exquisite Wodehouse phrase)? Where do THEY fit into this gi-normous 50,000-piece jigsaw puzzle? DO they fit into it, even…?

Okay, okay, let’s forget I brought the whole thing up. From now on, we’ll just pretend it never happened.

In memory of the greatest drummer of ’em all

That would be the one, the only, the incomparable Taylor Hawkins, as seen below.

Although I’ve always liked Alanis just fine, they coulda just stayed on Hawkins through the entire video for all me, I woulda been fine with it. Previously, I only knew of Taylor Hawkins from his association with the Foo Fighters and hadn’t bothered to look into the guy a little bit more deeply, not even in the aftermath of his sad demise. So imagine my surprise at learning yesterday evening that he’d pounded the skins for Ms Morissette before signing on with Dave Grohl & Co as a full-fledged Foo Fighter.

David Grohl is by no stretch any kind of slouch on drums his own self. Nirvana was pretty much nothing, nobody, and nowhere until they hired Grohl, he MADE that band. Then, after Cobain’s tragic suicide, Grohl got himself up off the drummer’s throne, came out from behind his kit, and put himself front and center as lead guitarist, singer, and songwriter of the newborn Foo Fighters.

After putting the Foos together—originally conceptualized by Grohl as not so much a band as a one-man recording project with backing musicians brought in as and when needed, a scattershot project which was dropped when it became clear what a murderous pain in the ass it was going to be to call, pitch, obtain consent from, negotiate terms with, agree on said terms, sign contracts with, and book studio time to fit into the schedules of a varied assortment of players, all bringing along their own obligations, agendas, touring/rehearsal/recording schedules, lifestyles, and personal baggage—Grohl made the best hire of his career, signing Taylor Hawkins on as drummer for the fast-gelling Foo Fighters hit-generating machine. Hawkins agreed, the band went to work, and the ascension of the Foo Fighters to the dizziest, most rarified heights of the Billboard pop/rock Hot 100 chart was assured.

Having only just learned of Hawkin’s early work for/with Alanis Morissette—whose powerful, passionate, emotive singing; engaging stage presence; honest and expressive lyrics; and multi-octave-spanning vocal range grabbed me but GOOD the very first time I heard her on the car radio—I thought sharing my felicitous discovery with y’all would fit the bill quite well.

Next up: Whodathunk Taylor Hawkins, being the über-badass drummer he assuredly was, could also hit a creditable lick as vocalist/frontman, stepping into Robert Plant’s great big shoes without breaking a sweat? Not Your Humble Host, I admit. Never saw it coming, me.

Yes, of course that would be Led Zep icons Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones sharing the stage with Hawkins, Grohl, and the rest of their youthful playmates.

But…but…but…WHY, man?

Let me count the ways: because she’s hot as FUCK; she makes shitlibs weep, wail, and rend their garments by being disobedient to, disdainful of, and utterly insouciant about them, their opinions, and their prissy and prudish edicts.

Plus, because I fucking well CAN, damn your eyes.

YOWSA! Suddenly, an unexpected epiphany: with a woman

  • THIS exquisitely lovely
  • THIS perfectly put-together
  • THIS breezily self-assured yet unpretentious
  • THIS cool, calm, and collected
  • THIS impervious to being rattled by foamy-mouthed liberal calumny, obloquy, and vitriolic rebuke
  • THIS comfortable in her own skin
  • THIS good-natured
  • THIS balanced and well-adjusted
  • THIS flawless in virtually every way

who even needs a reason? I’ma give dear Sidney her very own CF category, I do believe. Just ‘cause I feel like it, that’s why, no other reason. I don’t give a tinker’s damn if this is the only post in there, either.

Best. Spam. EVAR!

Of the thousands, perhaps even millions, of CF-related spam emails I’ve received, snarled at, and summarily deleted over lo, these many years, this one has to be my personal favorite. C&P’d in its entirety:

FROM: HR & Admin – Coldfury <james@prestouniversal.com>
TO: E-mail (CF)
SUBJECT: Coldfury Employees Performance Appraisals – June’25

Dear Gentlemen,

Please find below the link to the current month’s employee performance appraisals for June 2025.

https://staff.coldfury.com/inter-records/report-2025/

Note: All names highlighted in red indicate employees who are due for termination.

Your prompt attention to this matter is highly appreciated.

Best regards,

HR Manager
Human Resource Department
hr.director@coldfury.com | Headquarter

Wow, turns out I have not only an HR department but also an HQ, even an unspecified number of “employees” who can actually be “terminated” at the discretion of my (nonexistent) HR Manager, whose actual name I can’t seem to recall right now for some reason. Better still, my phantasmagorical “HR Manager” refers to me as a “Gentlemen” in interoffice correspondence. Who knew?

No, of course I didn’t click on the link to view the “employee performance appraisals” report, but I confess I’m mighty tempted to, if only to giggle like a delighted little girl at the no doubt voluminous “names highlighted in red.” That’s bound to be as epic a tale as has ever been told throughout the annals of creative writing. Lord knows I’ve taken a few stabs at composing fiction, only to find that, although I know I’m not completely bereft of writing talent, I don’t have it in me to create good fiction; somehow, I just can’t make it work.

Fare thee well

RIP to the incomparable Ozzy Osbiourne.

Black Sabbath legend Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of Darkness, dead at 76
Ozzy Osbourne, the legendary Prince of Darkness and one of heavy metal’s most iconic stars, has died. He was 76.

He died “surrounded by love,” his family said in a statement to The Post Tuesday. “It is with more sadness than mere words can convey that we have to report that our beloved Ozzy Osbourne has passed away this morning. He was with his family and surrounded by love. We ask everyone to respect our family privacy at this time. Sharon, Jack, Kelly, Aimee and Louis.”

News of Osbourne’s death comes more than five years after he announced his Parkinson’s disease diagnosis in January 2020.

Born John Michael Osbourne in Birmingham, England, on Dec. 3, 1948, he was nicknamed “Ozzy” in primary school.

He had a challenging childhood, but music provided him with an outlet.

Learning was difficult for him due to dyslexia, and the future Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductee claimed to have been sexually abused by bullies when he was 11. He also recalled attempting suicide as a teen.

Osbourne credited The Beatles and their 1964 song “She Loves You” for inspiring him to pursue a music career.

Ozzy sold over 100 million albums as a solo artist and a member of Black Sabbath.

Here’s a 1970 vid in which Black Sabbath demonstrates what performers mean when they talk about leaving absolutely everything they have on the floor of the stage.

Rest easy, Ozzy. The world has never known another quite like you, and almost certainly never will again.

Barrence Whitfield & The Savages redux

Yes, I know I posted a jubilee of praise for the mighty, mighty Barrence Whitfield not terribly long ago, but for some reason I got to ambling through my Barrence YewToob playlist earlier today and, as is his/their usual wont, Barrence and the boys just blew my doors in all over again. In consideration of any poor deluded fools who have no interest in grooving to the extraordinary rock ’n’ roll stylings of the Round Mound Of Beantown Sound* and his band—a soul-blighting malady I can neither comprehend nor overlook—I’ll just tuck the vids below the fold.

Continue reading “Barrence Whitfield & The Savages redux”

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CF Glossary

ProPol: Professional Politician

Vichy GOPe: Putative "Republicans" who talk a great game but never can seem to find a hill they consider worth dying on; Quislings, Petains, Benedicts, backstabbers, fake phony frauds

Fake Phony Fraud(s), S'faccim: two excellent descriptors coined by the late great WABC host Bob Grant which are interchangeable, both meaning as they do pretty much the same thing

Mordor On The Potomac: Washington, DC

The Enemy: shitlibs, Progtards, Leftards, Swamp critters, et al ad nauseum

Burn, Loot, Murder: what the misleading acronym BLM really stands for

pAntiFa: an alternative spelling of "fascist scum"

"Mike Hendrix is, without a doubt, the greatest one-legged blogger in the world." ‐Henry Chinaski

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Notable Quotes

"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards."
Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

Claire's Cabal—The Freedom Forums

FREEDOM!!!

"There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
Daniel Webster

“When I was young I was depressed all the time. But suicide no longer seemed a possibility in my life. At my age there was very little left to kill.”
Charles Bukowski

“A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him.”
Ezra Pound

“The illusion of freedom will continue as long as it’s profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.”
Frank Zappa

“The right of a nation to kill a tyrant in case of necessity can no more be doubted than to hang a robber, or kill a flea.”
John Adams

"A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves."
Bertrand de Jouvenel

"It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."
GK Chesterton

"I predict that the Bush administration will be seen by freedom-wishing Americans a generation or two hence as the hinge on the cell door locking up our freedom. When my children are my age, they will not be free in any recognizably traditional American meaning of the word. I’d tell them to emigrate, but there’s nowhere left to go. I am left with nauseating near-conviction that I am a member of the last generation in the history of the world that is minimally truly free."
Donald Sensing

"The only way to live free is to live unobserved."
Etienne de la Boiete

"History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid."
Dwight D. Eisenhower

"To put it simply, the Left is the stupid and the insane, led by the evil. You can’t persuade the stupid or the insane and you had damn well better fight the evil."
Skeptic

"There is no better way to stamp your power on people than through the dead hand of bureaucracy. You cannot reason with paperwork."
David Black, from Turn Left For Gibraltar

"If the laws of God and men, are therefore of no effect, when the magistracy is left at liberty to break them; and if the lusts of those who are too strong for the tribunals of justice, cannot be otherwise restrained than by sedition, tumults and war, those seditions, tumults and wars, are justified by the laws of God and man."
John Adams

"The limits of tyranny are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress."
Frederick Douglass

"Give me the media and I will make of any nation a herd of swine."
Joseph Goebbels

“I hope we once again have reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There’s a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: As government expands, liberty contracts.”
Ronald Reagan

"Ain't no misunderstanding this war. They want to rule us and aim to do it. We aim not to allow it. All there is to it."
NC Reed, from Parno's Peril

"I just want a government that fits in the box it originally came in."
Bill Whittle

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