Category: Heh

Funny things

A question for Democrat-Socialist politicians and “journalists”

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If the Chinese Yellow Peril Fu Manchu Wuhan Sino-Flu is really all that you say it is, why ain’t you all dead yet?

I know, I know, that was just mean of me. In any event, y’all unreconstructed Southrons out there will like this:



The only problem I can see with the idea is that they shoulda done it thirty years ago.

Federalism: yer doin’ it wrong

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Actually, it’s not that they’re doing it wrong. It’s that they don’t have even the foggiest understanding of it to begin with.



More hilarious responses to this embarrassingly clueless Bulwark bint here. Another spectacular self-beclowning along the same lines:



Which, y’know, is PRECISELY FUCKING WHY our Constitution was written and our federal gummint set up in the way that they originally were, you fucking moron. See, the Founders’ whole idea was that the closer to the people their government was, the more responsive, flexible, and accountable to them it would necessarily be, as opposed to having the nation entire dominated by an out-of-touch and out-of-reach central bureaucracy that…

Oh, for criminy’s sake, why am I bothering? I’m wasting my time, and annoying the pig.

Lordamighty, what are they even TEACHING in government schools nowadays, anyway? Anything? Anything at ALL?!?

Never mind. Best not to answer that one, I’m afraid.

NOTE: In case you didn’t already know, and there’s absolutely no reason that you should, the Bulwark is the perenially struggling, Lefty-financed vanity project of NeverTrumpTard Cruise Cap’n Bill “Ahoy there!” Kristol. Because Muh True Conservative Princibuls™ don’t care where the cash comes from.

I don’t want to live in a world without a Weinermobile in it

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I swear, folks, I have this nagging recollection of having seen a most disturbing story someplace or other claiming that Oscar Mayer was doing away with its fabled fleet of Weinermobiles. Naturally, I was aghast at the grievous blow to classic Americana such a cancellation would represent. Worse still, though, is that in today’s PC nightmare it isn’t at all hard to imagine it happening. I’m quite sure that the “waste and excess” of it; the damage to Gaia from CO2 emissions and fossil-fuel usage; the safety hazards created by having these large, unwieldy vehicles lumbering across the nation, etc etc etc have made for some real headaches for Oscar Mayer in recent years.

The steady stream of protests, whining, and threats of violence doubtless endured by the fine folks at Oscar Mayer for this horrid display of callousness, reckless disregard, and bad stewardship would no doubt make deciding to just say to hell with it pretty much a no-brainer for at least some of the OM suits. Thankfully, however, I looked around some and could find no confirmation of my admittedly vague memory, nor even a hint of such. Eventually I ended up stubling across the very font of all things Weinermobile: Oscar Mayer’s own Weinermobile website, which is a laff riot. That happy sojourn led to further wanderings, which wound up providing all the excuse I’ll ever need to commend y’all’s attention to this treasure trove of fun facts. A sampling:

1940 Wienermobile:
The 1940’s Wienermobile was a bit smaller than the 1930’s model and featured a small pod on top for the driver as well as a hatch at the very rear for the ‘world’s tiniest chef’ to poke out of.

Wienermobile Specifications, 1940:
Builder: General Body Company of Chicago, Illinois

Cost: $5,000

Bells and Whistles: 13 feet of metal in the shape of an Oscar Mayer Wiener, open cockpits in center and rear of vehicle

Yes, of COURSE they have pictures. But alas, all is not perpetual sunshine and lightness of heart; even in Weinerville, trouble can rear its ugly head now and then.

Oscar Mayer Wienermobile pulled over for being a road hog
The Wienermobile just got a good grilling — from cops.

The famous Oscar Mayer marketing vehicle was stopped Sunday for hot-dogging on a road in Wisconsin, deputies in Waukesha County said.

The department seemed to relish the bust in a Facebook post.

“What really happened on that fateful day with the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile?” the Waukesha County Sheriff’s Department said Monday. “The driver of the ­#Wienermobile was stopped and given a verbal warning by a Waukesha County Sheriff’s Deputy for not following the Move Over Law.”

The law requires drivers to move over a lane if they see emergency vehicles on the side of the road with their lights on — and the rule applies even to the operators of ­Wienermobiles.

God bless the Weinermobile, I say. May it grace our cultural landscape forever, to go on roaming America’s great highways and byways to bring a smile, a laugh, or simply a quick, delicious lunch to all people of good will everywhere.

San Francisco priorities

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James Woods is back to Tweeting again, and just won the Innarnets for the day with this one.



Some of the follow-on Tweets are pretty funny too.

The final nail

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Well, THIS oughta bring those eager hordes of LGBTQ football fans fully out of the closet and into the stands. I mean, you just KNOW they’re out there.

FOX Sports apparently has no problem airing controversial ads during the 2020 Super Bowl — just not a pro-life commercial.

According to NBC News, this year’s big game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers will include a commercial featuring drag queens/LGBTQ activists.

Meanwhile, pro-life advocates with the new Faces of Choice organization said they have been waiting at least six months for an answer from FOX about their ad.

The drag queen ad from Sabra hummus already is stirring up controversy. It features drag queens Kim Chi and Miz Cracker from “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

LGBTQ marketing strategist Bob Witeck celebrated the significance of the ad, telling NBC:

“For queer audiences, it is an art form and an ‘outsiders’ language,” Witek said of drag. “Reaching the Super Bowl means taking our language into every home in the nation and millions around the world.”

Myself, I’m hoping and praying for a full-on, butt-nekkid “transgender” halftime show featuring a long chorus line (circle jerk?) of self-proclaimed “ladies” joyously flapping their puds for football fans on Super Bowl Sunday, then bending over and spreading those hairy cheeks to wink a little browneye at all the folks watching at home. The Grand Finale could be Colin Cankerdink “taking a knee” at midfield to crack a semi-solid turd on the 50-yard line, wiping his ass with a large American flag before setting the whole obscene mess ablaze. Then he’ll start turning a slow pirouette—with a grace only achievable by a truly world-beating athlete of his Olympian stature and skill—whilst waving the Hawaiian Good Luck Sign at one and all with both hands.

Next, the trannies will charge the stands to afflict heterosexual male attendees with “free” lapdances, while Copperdink and his fellow multimillionaire thugs all adjourn to the parking lot to steal cars and violently mug passersby.

If a halftime extravaganza like that can’t kill off the godawful NFL once and for all, I can’t imagine what else might do the trick.

Hostile takeover

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At last, some good news.

In Major Deal, The Babylon Bee Purchases Competing Satire Site CNN
U.S.—The Babylon Bee has been the world’s best satire site for thousands of years, spawning dozens of secular knock-offs that just aren’t quite as good.

The site announced a new acquisition this week, one that immediately made the site the largest satirical site on the planet: a purchase of competing satire site CNN for $12 billion. The move more than quadrupled the site’s catalog of hilarious, satirical articles.

“We’ve long admired CNN’s ability to parody leftist media organizations so effortlessly, and we’re thrilled to have them under The Babylon Bee’s umbrella,” said site CEO Seth Dillon. “When you can’t compete with hilarious satire like CNN, you obviously look for ways to get them on your team, and an acquisition seemed to make the most sense.”

The new conglomerate organization will be called BNN. CNN writers and hosts will be instructed to simply keep doing what they’re doing.

Great news for sure, but a decision not without risk. I mean, there’s always the possibility, be it ever so remote, that the perenially-floundering Most Busted Name in News might drag the Bee’s ratings straight into the toilet with them.

Another Shampeachment backfire?

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Four more years terms!

The ill-considered impeachment efforts against President Donald Trump have seriously interfered with his first term as president. Thus, argues constitutional scholar William Mattox in The Wall Street Journal, if acquitted, Trump should be eligible for a third term, notwithstanding the two-term limit in the 22nd Amendment.

Mattox deploys a sports analogy: “In the National Football League, teams can challenge a call on the field — but there’s a risk. If instant replay doesn’t merit overturning the call, the challenging team loses one of its three timeouts. That discourages frivolous challenges and keeps the game flowing, while also providing a way to reverse egregious errors.”

Hence, a third term for the president: “That would allow him to make up for the time lost advancing the agenda that voters elected him to enact. It would preserve impeachment for genuine offenses but discourage its use for disputed ones and for mere politics. Absent such an amendment, and in an era when government is divided more often than not, impeachment seems likely to become an increasingly common means of opposition.”

Ain’t gonna happen, of course, but I do like the cut of this fellow’s jib anyway. Glenn gets jiggy with it:

Mattox’s proposal sounds radical, but actually, he’s a piker: He wants to accomplish this shift via a constitutional amendment. How old-fashioned. Doesn’t he know that the Constitution is a living thing, made to grow and change with the times? Over the past century, we have made dramatic changes in the extent of federal power, the redistricting of state legislatures, the constitutionalization of abortion and contraception and gay marriage, and much, much more, all without the tedious necessity of an actual amendment to the Constitution.

But wait, you might ask — if a “living, breathing Constitution” would allow a third term after acquittal on impeachment, why didn’t President Bill Clinton, who was impeached but not removed over lying in a deposition, get a third term? Simple enough: He didn’t try. And perhaps the Constitution hadn’t lived and breathed quite enough yet, in those primitive days of the 1990s.

If the Left wants a “living” Constitution, then by all means they should get one—good and hard, right up their fourth point of contact so deep they can feel it in their fucking throats.

Truth hurts

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Suck it up, buttercups.

Republican Arizona Sen. Martha McSally ripped into CNN Capitol Hill reporter Manu Raju on Thursday, calling him a “liberal hack” after he asked a question about President Donald Trump’s upcoming impeachment trial.

“Sen. Martha McSally, a Republican facing a difficult election race, lashed out when I asked if she would consider new evidence as part of the Senate trial,” Raju, a University of Wisconsin graduate tweeted Thursday.

That would be treacherous, double-dealing John McStain’s old seat, in case you didn’t know already.

The freshman Arizona senator then responded by posting a video of the exchange to her Twitter account, doubling down on her contention that Raju is a “liberal hack.”

Then she started selling “liberal hack” merchandise, bless her stout, very un-McCain-like heart. Which most edifying sequence of events, naturally, drove the liberal hacks of Enemedia right into quivering paroxysms of terror at such a vicious, brutal “assault.”

Anchor Wolf Blitzer said on Thursday’s broadcast of CNN’s “Situation Room” that Sen. Martha McSally (R-AZ) calling CNN senior congressional correspondent Manu Raju a “liberal hack” was “disgusting.”

Blitzer said, “Manu, I want to ask you something that happened today with you up on Capitol Hill when you attempted to air a very fair, serious, important question to Republican Senator Martha McSally of Arizona. A question about the upcoming trial in the Senate.”

Blitzer said, “Yeah, it’s awful. I take it, she or her staff, no one has reached out to apologize to you, have they?”
Raju said, “I have not heard from them at all.”

Blitzer said, “If they did the right thing, she would personally call you and say, ‘I’m sorry.’ It was an awful, awful thing that she did.”

LOLgetfucked, you sniveling, gutless pussies. Right in the liver, with a rusty railroad spike.

A way out?

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Might lead through West By-God Virginia.

West Virginia lawmakers are pushing a resolution inviting Virginia’s Second Amendment Sanctuary counties to become constituents of West Virginia.

The resolution–HCR 8–highlights 1863, the year Republicans broke with slave-owning Virginia Democrats and formed West Virginia.

The divide then was that the people of Western Virginia did not believe “the government at Richmond” had their best interests at heart and that such a divide exists again again today (over 118 local governments in Virginia have declared themselves Second Amendment Sanctuaries for this reason).

West Virginia Delegates use the resolution to pledge that the gun rights now under assault by Virginia Democrats will be protected for those counties that choose to become part of the state of West Virginia.

Frivolous as this proposal may seem, or even actually be, I still like it. In any event, the Democrat-Socialist gun-grabbers in Richmond are deadly serious about tyranny and show no sign whatsoever of backing off, instead plowing relentlessly ahead in defiance of the US Constitution, Virginia’s own Constitution, and even the motto on the Commonwealth flag and seal.

Meanwhile, the VCDL’s planned protest next week is looking more and more like a trap, as Aesop has so vehemently warned. One of Ace’s commenters offers a modest proposal for defusing the tension there while still striking a blow at Gov Coonman:

12 The protestors should all come in black face
Posted by: It’s me donna at January 15, 2020 06:14 PM (6XlcD)

Heh. Okay, I like that one, too.

When you’ve lost Boy George…

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Even yesteryear’s cutting-edge weirdos can see how absurd they’ve become.

Karma Chameleon singer Boy George is stirring the pot on Twitter by declaring transgender pronoun culture to be “as ridiculous as it gets!”

The English pop star had initially tweeted, “Leave your pronoun’s (sic) at the door!” to his roughly 468,000 followers, with no further explanation as to the context. When one of his fans tweeted back, “As much as I love you, that does sound quite ridiculous,” George responded, “You must refer to me as ‘Napoleon’ and that’s as ridiculous as it gets!” referring to the trend among trans people demanding that people call them by their “preferred gender pronouns.”

A pretty good yardstick for calculating how far around the bend the Loony Left has gone in recent years, I’d call it.

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