Category: Damn that’s funny!

Ecotards shit the bed…and soon, themselves

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They really didn’t think this through very well, or at all, even.

We’ve seen a lot of climate change protesters in this country. They’re usually incredibly annoying, doing things like blocking traffic by linking themselves together on the highway or gluing their hands to something.

Last week as we reported, we saw these two people throw soup at Van Gogh’s Sunflowers and glue themselves to the wall.

The usual reaction to people like this has been to cut them loose or free them from the glue and arrest them.

But the folks at Volkswagen may just have had the best response ever to this kind of idiocy.

Sixteen members of “Scientist Rebellion” (which looks like an offshoot of Extinction Rebellion) went to the Porsche pavilion at Volkswagen’s Autostadt in Germany. Nine of them glued themselves to the floor, they also had six other people, and one of the glued “scientists” claimed that some were “on hunger strike until our demands to decarbonize the German transport sector are met.”

But hold on, here comes the best part. Rather than calling the police, getting them loose, and having them arrested, the Volkswagen people left them there and closed, turning everything off, with them glued to the floor, without food, heat, and as, they complained, any way to go to the bathroom.

And with that, hilarity ensues.

 

Hm. Doesn’t look to me like the fucking moron specified a china, glass, or porcelain bowl for his scraggly-ass crew to crack some stink-pickles into, so I can only assume these Supergenii would have all been okay with a nice, petrochemical-based plastic one. In fact, after a few days of holding it in, they’ll all be thrilled beyond words with anydamnedthing they could get their hands on to keep from pinching a stinking loaf in their Underoos.

Suffer, bitches. Stupidity this blindingly incandescent should be painful.

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Wait, WHO’S a socialist again, now?

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Okay, we’ve now officially gone from “cluelessly senile” to just downright bizarre.

Joe Biden has attacked Representatives Paul Gosar and Andy Barr, and Senator Rand Paul, for being pro-infrastructure, calling them “socialists.”

Speaking on Friday, Biden cited a report from CNN that noted that many Republicans who had voted against the latest infrastructure package, which some had labelled as being tantamount to “socialism,” had still requested the federal government spend money on infrastructure programs in their state authorised by the legislation.

Those Republicans included Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona, Rep. Andy Barr of Kentucky, and Sen. Rand Paul, also of Kentucky.

“I didn’t know there were that many socialist Republicans,” he said. “Folks, look, you can’t make this stuff up. You gotta say, and I gotta say, I was surprised to see so many socialists in the Republican caucus,” Biden added.

Yeah you just go ahead and run with that, Gropey. We’ll see if anybody out there is fool enough to actually be taken in by your boneheaded assertion that Rand Paul, of all people—head and shoulders above the other Republican Congressmen, the very best and brightest among them—is more of a socialist than you are yourself.

Idiot. I mean, sure, I see what the babbling boob is trying to do here, of course I do. But still. Idiot.

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Good enough for government work

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Q: How can you tell when Pedo Joe is saying something truly moronic? A: His lips are moving.

Old Joe Biden reminded us yet again in a video that surfaced Friday afternoon that he isn’t all there. While trying to appear confident and full of bravado, the senescent and dementia-ridden alleged president read off his teleprompter: “Let me start off with two words: made in America. Made in America.” The crowd, no doubt a hand-picked gaggle of Leftist true believers, dutifully applauded, working hard to suppress any thought that might cross to their minds as to the fact that those are three words, not two. The front man for the party of all right-thinking people says it’s two words? Then it’s two words, and that’s that. But the incident, which is just the latest in a long and ever-lengthening string of indications that the man who appears to be president of the United States lacks the cognitive abilities that ought to be a basic requirement for the job, raises the question yet again: why is Joe Biden still playing the role of the president?

Because Real Americans are asleep, best I can determine.

There is another odd aspect to Biden’s two-words affirmation of the statement “Made in America.” Since when has this globalist, socialist puppet ever been in favor of American manufacturing, or lifted a finger to help it? This is the man who, on his first day in office, killed the Keystone Pipeline. He also suspended new oil and gas leasing and drilling permits for federal land and water, and has been steadfast in his opposition to fracking. He took a nation that was energy independent when he took office and ended up going hat-in-hand to the Saudis to plead for them to lower oil prices so that his party would have even a chance in the midterm elections.

Old Joe Biden suddenly cares if something is made in America? What’s next? Is he going to put on a Make America Great Again hat? The cynicism of all this is astounding, because the last thing Joe Biden and the Democrats are going to do is ever govern like “MAGA Republicans.” They’ll sound all the right notes for the next few weeks, but as soon as the election is over, they’ll go right back to implementing their socialist internationalist program.

So here are two words for Joe Biden: You’re a liar. (That’s using Biden Math, not the real thing.) You don’t care if anything is “made in America,” and your craven attempt to fool the American people is yet another blot on your record, as if it weren’t already stained beyond belief with the fifty-year record of your dishonesty and corruption. Two more words, Joe, in real math: Resign. Now.

Two more, from the heart: Drop. Dead.

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DELICIOUS!

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Judge slaps disgusting blubberous sow right back into her mire.

Judge Smacks Down Stacey Abrams’ Bogus Claims Of Voter Suppression In 2018 Election Loss

Writing for the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Georgia, Judge Steve Jones, an appointee of former President Barack Obama, ruled that while “Georgia’s election system is not perfect,” the “challenged practices violate neither the constitution nor the [Voting Rights Act of 1965].”

“In sum, this Court finds Plaintiffs have not met their burden under Section 2 of the [Voting Rights Act] to demonstrate that the Exact Match or citizenship verification processes renders Georgia’s elections not ‘equally open’ when considering the totality of the circumstances as required” by federal law, Jones wrote. “As a result, there has been no showing that the election system is not ‘equally open’ by Georgia’s compliance with federal law regarding matching processes.”

The lawsuit against the state was originally filed in November 2018 by the group known as Fair Fight Action, which serves as an affiliate of the Abrams-founded PAC Fair Fight. Among the allegations made by Fair Fight include “serious and unconstitutional flaws in Georgia’s elections process” relating to, as Breitbart summarized, “absentee ballots, voter registration, and voter list management.”

According to Breitbart, “The group alleged certain voting practices in the state disenfranchised racial minorities, but many of the claims had already been thrown out over the last four years, including claims related to ‘long lines, voting machines, inadequate poll worker training, ballot rejections and large-scale voter registration cancellations.’”

“One of the claims left hanging in the balance was that the state’s ‘exact match’ voter registration policy disproportionately affected black voters,” the Breitbart report continued. “Jones shot that down, writing, ‘Here, plaintiffs have not provided direct evidence of a voter who was unable to vote, experienced longer wait times, was confused about voter registration status.’”

Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp, who successfully ran against Abrams in the 2018 gubernatorial race and previously served as Georgia’s secretary of state, celebrated the Friday ruling as a humiliating defeat for Abrams’ bid to delegitimize the state’s election processes.

“From day one, Abrams has used this lawsuit to line her pockets, sow distrust in our democratic institutions, and build her own celebrity,” Kemp wrote on Twitter. “Judge Jones’ ruling exposes this legal effort for what it really is: a tool wielded by a politician hoping to wrongfully weaponize the legal system to further her own political goals.”

Speaking with her head deeply buried in a jumbo-sized steam-table tray of mashed potatoes and gravy at the Western Sizzlin’ AYCE buffet, Abrams attempted to use the ruling as justification for why Georgia voters should elect her as governor instead of Kemp in November, saying that it “demonstrates that the 2022 election will be a referendum on how our state treats its most marginalized voices.”

Last ‘graph above may have been edited by me, for purposes of clarity and accuracy.

Coincidence? I think NOT update! Can I really be the first person to notice that the morbidly obese “Governor” shares her surname with the M1A1 MBT, in addition to her weight class? Just askin’, that’s all.

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Who’s in charge?

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At this point, the only thing we know for certain is that it damned sure ain’t Pedo Joe.

Perhaps we should be thankful. Considering inflation, energy shortages and a world teetering on the brink, maybe the less Biden is involved, the better.

All of which were brought on by the Biden marionette’s handlers. Which means that statement applies equally to them, too.

To understand what’s happening, it’s best not to think of this as a Biden Presidency, but a Biden Regency.

The term was regularly used in the age of kings and empires. If an 8-year-old princess was placed on the throne or an incapable king couldn’t perform his duties, one or several regents would handle the day-to-day operations.

In like manner, Biden is surrounded with longtime D.C. power players, such as Ron Klain, Susan Rice, Anita Dunn, John Podesta, Gene Sperling – a veritable “who’s who” of Beltway knife fights and insider skullduggery. Throughout their long careers, they’ve never sought credit or voter approval. Just power.

And the less Joe is around, the more their regency can accomplish.

Which ain’t a good thing, for anybody.

These competing power centers explain the contradictory policies coming out of the Oval Office these days. Aggressively pushing a new Iran Nuclear Deal while Russia buys Iranian drones to fight Ukrainians. When there’s no one to say “the buck stops here,” the bucks turn up in pretty strange places.

It reminds me of the confusing end of Woodrow Wilson’s presidency. For his last 18 months in office, he was incapacitated with a stroke. First lady Edith Wilson and a handful of confidantes covered it up and ran the country themselves.

As with Wilson, historians will one day explain the Biden Regency more fully. But someone is running the country, and not very well.

How sure can we be of even that much, really? The Leviathan-state has become so massive, so ubiquitous, so many-fingered and multi-tentacled, that it begins to look more and more as if the infernal machine is essentially running on autopilot, an overcrowded clown car with a brick on the accelerator pedal coasting down into the ditch under its own power with nobody at the wheel. That could also account for those contradictory, nonsensical, and self-defeating policies easily enough, about as well as anything else does. But no, it definitely ain’t Grampy Gropey steering this thing; for one thing, he’s too old, senile, and decrepit to drive. Compare, contrast.

 

Heh. Nice snag, Mr President.

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EVERY town is a border town now

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Waitwaitwait, are you telling me that diversity is NOT our strength all of a sudden?

Martha’s Vineyard’s ‘humanitarian crisis’ is what cities on southern border see in a few hours
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis flew around 50 migrants to Martha’s Vineyard, sparking uproar in liberal enclave

Martha’s Vineyard on Thursday was facing approximately 50 migrants sent by Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, leading one group to call it a “humanitarian crisis” – even though the numbers are dwarfed by those encountered at border cities and towns on a daily basis.

“To our Island community, here is an update on [the] current humanitarian crisis on Martha’s Vineyard….we thank people for their continued help,” the Martha’s Vineyard Chamber of Commerce tweeted.

Fox News Digital first reported on Wednesday that DeSantis’ office had sent two planes to Martha’s Vineyard Airport in Massachusetts. The moves comes after border states like Texas and Arizona have been busing migrants to Washington D.C., New York City and Chicago.

“We take what’s happening at the southern border very seriously, unlike some,” DeSantis said in a Thursday speech, “and unlike the president of the United States, who has refused to lift a finger to secure that border.”

DeSantis noted that the numbers being sent to sanctuary cities and jurisdictions was just a fraction of those being encountered at the border.

“The minute even a small fraction of what those border towns deal with every day is brought to their front door, they go berserk, and they’re so upset that this is happening. And it just shows you that their virtue-signaling is a fraud,” he said.

About time my man DeSantis got his ass off the pot and joined his colleagues Abbott and Ducey in trying to even things up a bit. To no one’s surprise, the self-proclaimed “elite” denizens of Martha’s Vineyard got busy having a horror-struck shitfit over having two planeloads transport of all of fifty (50) illegal aliens into their tony, oh-so-exclusive environs.


How utterly delightful, seeing these snooty, preachifying rich liberals reduced to conniptions when they get the teeniest, tiniest fraction of exactly what they’ve been dumping all over the rest of the country hurled right back in their perfect teeth. The Bee’s report hits way too close to home for Skip and Libby’s comfort.

MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA — Residents of upscale Martha’s Vineyard are in a panic after several buses dropped off illegal immigrants from Florida this week. One terrified resident reportedly called the authorities after seeing Hispanic males outside her home, not even operating a leaf blower or any other kind of gardening equipment.

“Hello, is this 911? Yes, there are brown-looking Latinx people outside my 20,000-square-foot seaside home, and they aren’t even carrying leaf blowers,” said a terrified Mavis McWhite to the dispatcher. “They aren’t even holding so much as a rake. They’re up to no good. I’m scared! Please send help!”

Early reports from one of the wealthiest zip codes on earth indicate that approximately 50 people from countries south of the equator are striking fear in the hearts of local oligarchs, movie stars, and millionaire politicians who reside there. “It was so inconsiderate for DeSantis to ship these dark-skinned people up to our neighborhood without the tools they need to maintain our multimillion-dollar properties,” said Town Councilmember Pam Karen-Cindy. “What else are they going to do all day? Just despicable.”

At publishing time, the Hispanic immigrants who currently work as landscapers and house servants in Martha’s Vineyard for minimum wage had organized a demonstration to protest the arrival of new Hispanic immigrants who will work for even cheaper.

My gal Christina with another of her typically-brilliant smacks in the gob:

“Residents of Martha’s Vineyard overwhelmingly support illegal immigration and call for more diversity,” wrote DeSantis spokeswoman Christina Pushaw on Twitter. “Governor DeSantis was kind enough to grant their wishes.”

In the deathless words of the Greatest President EVAR: you would think they would be saying thank you. And yet. Lots of sidesplitting hilarity over at Ace’s joint, including but not limited to this rip:

Lol. Commenter on Twitter just now:

“Ron DeSantis has done more to diversify Martha’s Vineyard in 24 hours than its privileged and elitist residents have done since its founding in 1642. This is a win for diversity, why aren’t they all celebrating? This man needs to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom.”

Posted by: Jane D’oh

Lastly, but by no means leastly:


A: you shouldn’t. Ever.

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So you want to play, do ya?

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Fucking BEAUTIFUL, man.

Been waiting on this forever, seems like. Sure, plenty of misguided tools will kvell and kvetch that dropping one feral scumsack ain’t gonna put an end to the Knockout Game, and perhaps they’re right. But I can for damned sure name you ONE that will never do it again.

(Via Miguel at GFZ)

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Where schadenboners come from

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I love this more than mere words could ever express.

TUCKER COUNTY, W.Va. (WBOY) – On Friday, an electric vehicle broke down along Corridor H in Tucker County on its way to a weekend getaway in Davis. Luckily, a group of local coal miners were happy to help.

Tucker County’s Senator Randy Smith documented the moment on Facebook. The car broke down right in front of the Mettiki Coal access road on US 48, which is several miles from Davis. “Someone called one of our foreman and told him a car was broke down in the middle of our haul road,” said Smith’s post.

Because the vehicle was plastic underneath, there was no way to tow it, so a group of miners decided to push it. “So here are 5 coal miners pushing a battery car to the coal mine to charge up.” You could even see mounds of coal in the background while the vehicle was charging.

Far as I’m concerned, the only thing wrong with this otherwise heartwarming story is the totally unsatisfactory ending. In a perfect world, the stupid EV hunk o’ junk would’ve caught on fire while it was being charged and burned to a crispity crunch.

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Tables: TURNED

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The wailing of Sanctuary City shitlibs is as sweet, sweet music to mine ears.

Texas sends buses of migrants to Chicago for first time, dropped off at train station
Chicago is the third Democrat-run city where Texas officials have sent migrants illegal aliens

FIFY, assholes.

An estimated 80 to 100 people were on the buses, including 20 to 30 small children. Many of the migrants said they were from Venezuela.

Chicago is the latest city where migrants have been bused to from Texas, following New York City and Washington, D.C., all of which have Democrat mayors.

Republican Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said in a statement that he looks forward to seeing Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot welcome the migrants since Chicago is a sanctuary city.

“President Biden’s inaction at our southern border continues putting the lives of Texans—and Americans—at risk and is overwhelming our communities,” Abbott said. “To continue providing much-needed relief to our small, overrun border towns, Chicago will join fellow sanctuary cities Washington, D.C. and New York City as an additional drop-off location. Mayor Lightfoot loves to tout the responsibility of her city to welcome all regardless of legal status, and I look forward to seeing this responsibility in action as these migrants receive resources from a sanctuary city with the capacity to serve them.”

A statement from Abbott’s office said that Chicago is being added as a “drop-off location” for future migrant buses in response to “President Biden’s open border policies overwhelming border communities in Texas.”

A spokesperson from Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s office said in a statement that Abbott is “without any shame or humanity.”

Actually, I have to agree; it IS kinda inhumane when you think about it, sending those poor illegals to a murderous shitpit like Chicago.

“As a city, we are doing everything we can to ensure these immigrants and their families can receive shelter, food, and most importantly protection. This is not new; Chicago welcome hundreds of migrants every year to our city and provides much-needed assistance,” a spokesperson for Lightfoot’s office said. “Unfortunately, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is without any shame or humanity. But ever since he put these racist practices of expulsion in place, we have been working with our community partners to ready the city to receive these individuals.”

New York City Democrat Mayor Eric Adams, upon meeting the migrants on Aug. 7, said that the actions of Abbott are “horrific.”

After sending the migrants to New York, Abbott said that the area is an “ideal destination for these migrants.”

“In addition to Washington, D.C., New York City is the ideal destination for these migrants, who can receive the abundance of city services and housing that Mayor Eric Adams has boasted about within the sanctuary city,” said Abbott. “I hope he follows through on his promise of welcoming all migrants with open arms so that our overrun and overwhelmed border towns can find relief.”

Annnnd bingo. Well said, Governor, and good on ya.

You preening, sanctimonious libtards love to talk all your “sanctuary” talk at the rest of us, but when forced to walk the walk yourselves for a change you nearly shit your pants in agony over the horror, the INJUSTICE!!! of having the merest pinch of your own shit thrown back into your pinched, smarmy faces.

After years and years of A) flatly refusing to maintain the security of our southern border, B) denying the very concept of the US even having a border at all, and C) blithely averting their eyes from the financial hardship, criminal predation, and general anarchy said refusal directly imposes on towns all along said border, Lefty asswipes now have the brass, the stones, the unmitigated fucking gall to whine like little bitches when the governor of one (1) state affected by their self-serving, unworkable policies and programs?

SRSLY?!?

Word to Bowser, Adams, Lightfoot, and every other “sanctuary” city mayor: Eat a big bag of dicks, whydon’tcha. There’s a clear, simple, and highly valuable lesson to be learned here, if only you had the wit to pay heed.

Update! As always, liberalism is a luxury none but the most affluent society can afford to indulge for very long.

The surest sign that public policies are simply virtue signals is when the messages don’t cost anything. The easiest way to tell when that signal starts to fail is to watch politicians flounder as the costs start to rise and voters demand relief.

It was free—and meaningless—for progressive churches to post banners calling themselves “nuclear free zones” during the Reagan era. Their dwindling congregations loved it. It was free, after George Floyd’s murder, to post woke catechism signs on your front lawn, proclaiming “In this house, we believe: Black Lives Matter, women’s rights are human rights, no human is illegal” and so on. Maybe the neighbors gave you high-fives. And for years it has been free for deep-blue cities to proclaim themselves “sanctuaries” for illegal immigrants. That’s changing now that voters want some sanctuary for themselves.

Changes like this happen when voters realize the old virtue signals actually entail serious costs—and that they will have to pay them. That is exactly what’s happening in New York City and Washington D.C. now that Texas governor Greg Abbott is sending those cities a few busloads of illegal immigrants from his state.

These progressive bastions were silent when the Biden administration flew planeloads of illegal immigrants to suburban airports in the middle of the night. TV coverage was prohibited, and the arrivals were secretly dispersed. Abbott’s buses, by contrast, arrive downtown greeted by local TV crews. Now you can hear the politicians screech.

Abbott’s goal is to squeeze the vise tighter on those politicians, to force them to change course on national immigration policy and lessen the flood of immigrants into his state—or else pay the price in their home states.

Kinda tough to see how that’s anything but totally fair, but then I’m not a shitlib retard either.

The buses are a political stunt, of course, but a very shrewd one. Abbott is up for reelection, and he’s visibly showing his support for beleaguered Texas cities and counties. He’s putting his liberal Democratic opponent, Beto O’Rourke, in an awkward position. O’Rourke specializes in showy, high-profile gestures but has no plan to alleviate the migrant problem. Finally, Abbott hopes to force the hand of national Democrats, who don’t care one iota about the social, financial, and law-enforcement burdens facing his state, but do care about those immigrants arriving in Manhattan or D.C.

Lipson goes on to speculate that eventually, shitlibs will begin to pressure their national “leaders” to reconsider the program of intentionally swamping the nation with illegal aliens for purely political purposes. But having never in all my many years seen a single instance of a “liberal” admitting error and reversing course, on any level at all, I can’t honestly say I expect any such thing myself. Such an admission would require a humility and honesty not one of them possesses, in any degree whatsoever.

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Goose, meet gander

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Suck a fat one, bitch. In writing, no less.

For the second time, the Pentagon denied a request on Monday by Washington, D.C., Mayor Muriel Bowser to activate the National Guard to assist with thousands of migrants who have been arriving in the nation’s capital in recent months.

Bowser first asked for National Guard help last month, but it was rejected by the Pentagon on Aug. 4. She then sent another letter on Aug. 11, requesting that 150 National Guard troops be deployed to “help prevent a prolonged humanitarian crisis in our nation’s capital resulting from the daily arrival of migrants.”

Defense Department executive secretary Kelly Bulliner Holly wrote in a letter to Bowser on Monday that the D.C. National Guard is not trained to assist migrants and activation would lead to “diminished readiness” for the troops.

“The DCNG has no specific experience in or training for this kind of mission or unique skills for providing facility management, feeding, sanitation or ground support,” Holly wrote in the letter, which was reviewed by Fox News.

About 7,000 migrants have been bused from Texas to Washington, D.C., since April and another 900 have arrived in New York City, according to Gov. Greg Abbott’s office.

“Before we began busing migrants to New York, it was just Texas and Arizona that bore the brunt of all the chaos and problems that come with it,” Abbott said Friday. “Now, the rest of America can understand exactly what is going on.”

Oh, I’d say heartland America understands well enough by now. As always, it’s the Sanctuary City-dwelling shitlibs, long accustomed to scrupulously shielding themselves from the consequences of the idiocies they piously inflict on the rest of us, who are only now being schooled by Abbott’s ingenious turning of the tables on them.

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Good riddance to bad rubbish

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Okay: first, this happened.


Needless to say, being a diehard DeSantis fan myself as well as someone who despises the malignant, lying dwarf Fauxci with every fiber of his being, I thoroughly enjoyed Da Guv’s statement—as did his audience, who apparently responded with, as noted crawly-thing David French sniffily sniffed, “wild cheering.” Unsurprisingly, French was hardly the only dainty and sanctimonious NeverTrumporrhoid who found DeSantis’ laugh line upsetting; Ace posts several other like examples of dudgeon most high, before uncorking a hilarious fusillade of his own.

Two interesting points about this Fake Upper-Crust Sensibility thing:

First, it’s fake. This is a competition among weak and inferior men to prove themselves strong and superior. They can’t prove themselves strong and superior in actual strength or superiority, so they change the criteria to better fit them, that is, a more feminine sort of competition they could actually beat other men at. Namely, “refinement,” taste, and a capacity to be offended and terrified by tiny things like humorous jibes and mice skittering across the kitchen floor.

There are actual objective criteria to determine who is the strongest, the smartest, etc., but it’s up for grabs to say who has “the finest taste.” So Noah Blum can compete in the Princess and the Pea Olympics and have a very good chance of winning, especially because most actual men would not compete in such a delicate contest.

Second, this is again just a game of showing hatred for the dreaded Lower Orders. David French and Noah Blum and the rest of the Fake Aristo Swells are always straining to discover exciting new Class Distinctions they can adorn themselves with to prove they are not like the raucous and unseemly Working Classes. A feather of delicate sensibilities worn behind the ear, a ribbon of refined taste in Marvel Movie Appreciation dangled over the heart.

Anything to show that the New Nobility is different than and superior to those thick-fingered White Niggers that vote for Trump and think that a nation’s borders should be enforced.

Fuck off, fairies. Go knit a doily for your wife’s boyfriend to put his drink on.

Oh, and French: Have the lambs stopped screaming, French?

Heh. SIDE NOTE: Ace decided to asterisk-out the N-word in his post, likely in the interests of politesse. But as CF Lifers will already be aware, I’m hindered by no such compunctions myself, so I went ahead and just said it right out loud, in front of God and everybody.

As for Fraudci: physically, literally booting his worthless ass across the Potomac of right ought to be the very least of that good-enough-for-government-work rectal polyp’s worries. The damage he did during his overextended sinecure as a top-level FederalGovCo stooge calls for one hell of a lot more, and worse.

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Goats: gotten

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Want. One.


As you would expect, shitlibs across the nation are drenching their Underoos over the horror of it all.

A Wednesday hit piece from NPR sought to link the license plate and the Gadsden flag to “dangerous far-right extremist ideology.”

“The state can’t claim a lack of knowledge about what this image represents to most of the public,” said a representative of the Southern Poverty Law Center quoted by NPR.

The SPLC representative linked the flag to the Jan. 6, 2021, disturbance at the U.S. Capitol. The flag has been used for decades by libertarians and other critics of government overreach — far before the Capitol incursion.

More pathetic scree-scree-screeing over at GP.

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Hot blue-on-blue action!

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SO. This Federale gun-grabber was going door-to-door and didn’t…ahh, hell, I’ll just let BCE run down the backstory for y’all.

Back on July 21st, my Brohiem and Fellow Deplorable Art Sido poasted about an ATF bunch of fucking ragbag neo-Gestapo/STASI motherfuckers who showed up at some poor shlubs house asking to see his weapons…Apparently, the shit be going down across the board so as that ALL of us purchasing -any- firepower right now?

So, that being said, seems that being emboldened by their apparent success, unlike dude that Arthur poasted about HERE, THIS particular FedFucker Pole-Smoker didn’t bother to notify the local county-mounties. And as such?

Well, I’ll let the vidya speak for itself:

And I’ll do likewise.

 

 

 

Big Country says it’s one of the funniest videos ever, and I can’t gainsay him on that. This one truly has it all, most especially when the proned-out Fed starts bleating about having a “medical condition,” immediately sequeing into panicky whimpers of “I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!” as the local 5-0 are jumping around on his back, grinding his mug into steaming asphalt as they ignore his piteous pleas and get on with roughly rasslin’ the shiny bracelets onto his wrists. Hats off to this jackbooted Federale thug for a note-perfect aping of Eric Garner’s classic original performance.

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Manatees need abortions too!

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It’s always amused me no end how the most overwrought fanatics screaming themselves purple in support of “a woman’s right to choose” to murder her unborn (well, usually) child always seem to look like what you’d end up with if you shaved a morbidly obese goat’s ass and taught it to walk backwards. Same with the lumbering Wide Loads who are forever threatening to “go on strike” sexually until they get whatever the hell it is they’re demanding—OR ELSE!!!—this week.

I’m pleased to report that I am by no means the only one to notice that those most pissed off about the Roe misfeasance being corrected are the same blubberskites who couldn’t get laid in a Tijuana whorehouse on a Saturday night if they were handing out free candy, cervezas, and hundred-dollar bills as incentives, and therefore have absolutely NO chance of getting preggers by any method that doesn’t involve test tubes, lab techs, and an anonymous sperm donor wanking into a little cup.

PENSACOLA, Fla. — Northwest Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz on Monday stood by controversial comments he made this past weekend regarding female abortion rights protesters.

On Saturday, Gaetz spoke to college students at the Turning Point USA Student Action Summit in Tampa, saying women protesting abortion access are less likely to get pregnant because they aren’t attractive.

“Why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are the ones most worried about having abortions?” Gaetz said. “Nobody wants to impregnate you if you look like a thumb.”

“These people are odious on the inside and out,” Gaetz said Saturday at the summit. “They’re like 5’2, 350 pounds and they’re like, ‘Give me my abortions or I’ll get up and march and protest.’ And I’m thinking, ‘March? You look like you got ankles weaker than the legal reasoning behind Roe vs Wade.’ A few of them need to get up and march. They need to get up and march for like an hour a day, swing those arms, get the blood pumping, maybe mix in a salad.”

A local teewee news crew tried to trip Gaetz up over his refreshingly candid way of putting into words something plenty of us were thinking already, to no avail whatsoever.

He gave this explanation when asked about Saturday’s comments:

I’m very pro-life and I make no apology for it. I’m grateful that Roe has been overturned and that Dobbs is now the jurisprudence on abortion. I find these people that go out in these pro-abortion, pro-murder rallies odious — and just, like, ugly on the inside and out. I make no apology for it. I don’t believe that every person who disagrees with my perspective on life is an ugly person. But the ones that are out there protesting and marching on Justice [Brett] Kavanaugh’s home, trying to threaten the court, trying to impose a ‘night of rage’ on our nation’s Capitol — which us what they advertised — that’s just pure ugliness. I see that ugliness on the inside, I see it on the outside. Even in the horrible circumstance where an abortion may happen, it is nothing to celebrate and it is nothing to cheer.

Channel 3 then asked Gaetz two follow-up questions:

  • Channel 3: Is it safe to say that, based off your comments, you’re suggesting that these women at these abortion rallies are ugly and overweight?
  • Gaetz: “Yes”
  • Channel 3: What do you say to people who think those comments are offensive?
  • Gaetz: “Be offended.”

DeSantis, his spokesbadass Christina Pushaw, and now this? I’m beginning to think it’s something in the water down there, maybe. Oh, and speaking of Ms Pushaw.

Florida Republicans fired a shot across the bow at corporate media Saturday by limiting access to an event and when the so-called journalists who were barred entry demonstrated what it means to be a snowflake, Gov. Ron DeSantis’ (R-FL) spokeswoman Christina Pushaw channeled her best Jen Psaki in response.

The Sunshine Summit took place Saturday at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Fla., where, in addition to hearing from conservative voices like James Golden, Josh Hammer and Clay Travis, attendees observed congressional debates moderated by Mark Levin. In a surprise move, DeSantis joined Levin in moderating, but the biggest surprise was handed to reporters when they discovered America’s governor had made the event invite only.

“It has come to my attention that some liberal media activists are mad because they aren’t allowed into #SunshineSummit this weekend,” Pushaw wrote. “My message to them is to try crying about it. Then go to kickboxing and have a margarita. And write the same hit piece you were gonna write anyway.”

The jab was a callback to a remark from then-White House press secretary Jen Psaki who had offered up her advice to Democrats unhappy that their agenda wasn’t advancing through Congress while appearing on “The View.” “My advice to everyone out there who is frustrated, sad, angry, p*ssed off, feel those emotions, go to a kickboxing class, have a margarita, do whatever you need to do this weekend, and then wake up on Monday morning, we’ve got to keep fighting.”

DeSantis had previously mocked the White House over this with a message of his own saying, “Having a margarita is well and good, but it is not a cure for Bidenflation.”

As you’d expect, State Media “journalists” immediately started rolling around on the floor kicking and screaming, waving their chubby little fists around, and threatening to hold their breath until they turned blue over having their unalienable “right” to excrete another pantload of propaganda shorted out by the wily and ever-astute DeSantis, who as always wasn’t having any of their usual shite. Comely Christina (and she is, actually, which only makes matters worse for the H8rz™), for her part, just kept on dumping more buckets of Florida sea-salt into the indignant shitlib scribblers’ wounds.

In fact, Pushaw delighted in the tantrums as she took to Twitter again later on Saturday to point out how one “journalist” had “created a nine-tweet thread to explain how mad he is.”

“They’re still going…Liberal media in Florida doomed itself to irrelevance because these ‘journalists’ make every story about themselves & their delusions of persecution,” she wrote. “People don’t want to read your hand-wringing. It’s not news. Nor is the 500th hit piece on Gov. DeSantis.”

Nope, t’ain’t. I still do hope and pray he doesn’t do it, but if Ron the Great does run for Prexy in ’24, he oughta name Pushaw as his Veep. Hell, I’d almost consider turning out to vote for THAT ticket myself, which is really saying something.

14

Say, it ain’t so?

Posted on      by     

Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, “It might have been.”

Backyard Wrestler Sustains Lifelong Injuries for 17 YouTube Views
ALTOONA, Pa. — Gary “Konkey Dong” O’Donnelly is reportedly in stable condition after performing his most punishing stunt yet which has received less than two dozen views since it was posted on YouTube six days ago, according to younger brother and camera operator Cooper.

“I feel like I’m right on the cusp of getting the attention of the big leagues,” said O’Donnelly from his hospital bed. “This was my biggest stunt yet. I tased myself, jumped off of the roof, dropped through a burning tractor tire onto a trampoline, sailed through a plate glass window, and landed in a pile of barbed wire and fluorescent tubes. As I was flying through the air, I just kept thinking about how this video was going to blow the fuck up. Cooper uploaded it and I waited for the views to roll in, but so far, there’s only been 17. And half the views are mine. I’m assuming it’s a glitch at YouTube headquarters that will be worked out soon.”

O’Donnelly’s mother, Ruth, is fully supportive of her son’s aspirations.

“No mother dreams of spending a Tuesday night pulling thumb tacks out of their son’s rear end, but I want Gary to follow his dreams,” said Mrs. O’Donnelly as she swept bloody shards of glass from her patio. “I believe in him, and I’ll always be there to rush him to the hospital when something inevitably goes horribly wrong. What he’s doing with these videos is his art. Unfortunately, his genius might not be appreciated during his lifetime. No, I don’t think it’s hyperbole to call my son the Van Gogh of backyard wrestling, I mean he did lose most of his ear in a Pennsylvania Death Match against Marty the Mooch.”

At press time, a bedridden O’Donnelly was observed sketching his next stunt, a Rube Goldberg-esque series of life-threatening acts involving car batteries, a live alligator, a wasp nest, and a kiddie pool full of ghost pepper oil.

Another tab I’ve had open on my phone for a few days now, from a humor website I never heard of before yclept The Hard Times. It’s definitely going into the bookmarks and the Funny Pages section of Ye Olde CF Blogrolle both; there’s a crapton of funny stuff there, from what I can see so far. For instance:

Pandemic Enters Dangerous Phase as Dave Matthews Concerts Spread
GEORGE, Wash. — Dave Matthews Band is raising alarm among epidemiologists and everyone who isn’t in a fraternity or sorority as they continue to play dates throughout the United States, pandemic-weary sources confirmed.

“It never had to be like this. So much death and despair could’ve been avoided if more people were willing to make personal sacrifices for the greater good,” lamented exhausted public health expert Dr. Helen Carter. “With the Delta variant already surging, spreading big DMB frat bro energy all over the country with an extended tour is really going to fuck us in the ear. I wish they would do virtual performances, but I guess the opportunity to sell comically overpriced tickets and merch to fans who’ve been economically unaffected by this devastating pandemic is just too lucrative to ignore.”

Statisticians argue that the recent spike in public performances of “Ants Marching” is a screeching reminder that last year’s lockdowns delivered some unintended benefits for civilization as a whole.

“Shutting things down didn’t just flatten the curve. We also experienced a sharp drop in industrial carbon emissions, a salubrious decline in automotive traffic, and a welcome reduction in antiquated doofuses stumbling around a stage pretending they know how to sing and play guitar,” observed Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight. “Even with all of this working in our favor, we still need more people to get on board with not attending Dave Matthews Band shows in 2021, or ever. Doesn’t matter how talented the supporting musicians are if the vocalist sounds like a shitfaced billy goat who found the Xanax in some suburban soccer mom’s Range Rover in between whippits and hits of helium.”

What can one say but: Heh. Of course, I AM kinda sad to know that the maimed ‘rassler story is probably fake news. But hey, whatchagonnado.

2

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