I endorse this idea with all my heart and soul.
A satirical writer’s imagination of President Donald Trump in 2018 led to a fantasy script of the unconventional president going viral. In it, Trump was depicted as ordering White House staff to create an entire TV channel devoted to gorillas.
“To appease Trump, White House staff compiled a number of gorilla documentaries into a makeshift gorilla channel, broadcast into Trump’s bedroom from a hastily-constructed transmission tower on the South Lawn,” read an excerpt of the fabricated story published by the Twitter account @pixelatedboat. “However, Trump was unhappy with the channel they had created, moaning that it was ‘boring’ because ‘the gorillas aren’t fighting.’”
Despite being explicit satire, the fable was convincing to many of the same people on the internet who had been persuaded by the media since the start of Trump’s 2016 campaign that he is a “comic book villain.”
The latest conspiracies peddled by the Jan. 6 Committee this week, however, make the fictional tale of Trump’s beloved gorilla channel, posted below in full, appear far more believable. The tall tales coming from the show trial are just as farcical.
Well, I mean, they would be, would they not? That, after all, is why we call them SHOW trials. I had completely forgotten about the hilarious and truly inspired “Gorilla Channel” prank until this most welcome reminder, and Tristan is on the money when he compares the latest madcap episode of the long-running Get Trump! hit comedy series favorably to that earlier one.
On Tuesday, the nine-member panel investigating the regime’s political dissidents brought forward Cassidy Hutchinson, a former aide to White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows.
Over her more than two hours of public testimony, Hutchinson gave lawmakers graphic but far-fetched details about a president gone mad as the riot unfolded on Capitol Hill. At one point, she testified with third-hand hearsay that Trump allegedly tried to violently hijack the presidential limousine to drive himself to the congressional chambers, saying “I’m the f’ing president, take me up to the Capitol now,” and lunging at the throat of his head of security.
According to Hutchinson’s sloppily thrown-together fairy tale, Trump actually reached across the seat back trying to wrestle control of the wheel from his chaffeur, the problem with which ought to be readily apparent to anyone acquainted with a few basic facts about limousines. To wit:
Bit of a reach, wouldn’tcha say? Then again, this guy, who seems to be completely credible, says no, it really did happen. He even captured some video proof of the momentous event:
I was there..it's legit! https://t.co/MLrm6S8k2I
— Templar⚔️ (@aTeXan575) June 30, 2022
Okay, I retract my earlier mockery of the lying bint Hutchinson’s lame-ass stab at making the kangaroos on the J6 “court” happy; clearly, this video is much too cool for it NOT to be completely factual and on the level.
All kidding around aside, Hutchinson’s laughable fabrication went all to pieces even faster than is usual for these seemingly endless get-Trump™ schemes, which is pretty damned fast. This one sputtered out within a cpl-three hours of its inception, when Hutchinson’s alleged “sources” all offered to testify under oath that none of it ever actually occurred. Nothing whatsoever new in such clumsy, ham-handed dishonesty from the Swamp vermin, as everyone here will surely be aware.
Tuesday’s unsubstantiated tales aside, Hutchinson’s debunked testimony is far from the only time the Jan. 6 Committee has made up claims to perpetuate its chosen narrative. In December, committee members deceptively manipulated text messages twice, and Cheney fabricated a false timeline of Jan. 6 to indict Trump as complicit in the chaos. Just last week, the committee lied about a DOJ attorney’s involvement in the president’s efforts to halt the certification of the election.
The entire Jan. 6 Committee is built on a conspiracy, weaponizing the levers of government after two failed impeachments to smear political dissidents as having orchestrated a fascist plot to take over the U.S. government. Trump, the story goes, corralled his supporters in Washington, inflamed the mob, and ordered them to overthrow Congress in a failed coup. Cheney painted this exact picture in a statement announcing her intent to impeach. Never mind that the president explicitly instructed his supporters gathered in the capital to protest “peacefully.”
Trump, however, is no stranger to opponents concocting conspiracies to indict him, whether it be allegations of manipulating the Postal Service to rig the election or serving in the Oval Office as a covert Russian agent. The Jan. 6 Committee has merely become the Democrats’ latest hoax, capitalizing on a friendly press eager to pass on portrayals of the former president as being engaged in ludicrous behavior no matter how credible. And yet, their base will still believe what they’re told.
At this rate, the Jan. 6 investigators might as well study whether Trump actually watched the gorilla channel — an equally unbelievable tale. News of the channel might not highlight any episodes of presidential malfeasance, but neither does the president telling a crowd of supporters to protest peacefully.
Since facts, objective reality, and the plain and simple truth are always so inconveniently at variance with the shitlib narrative, making shit up from whole cloth like this is no more than de rigeur for them, the very first arrow they pull from the quiver. The only real surprise here is that, even with such vast experience doing it, they’re no better at lying than they are. In any event, I must reiterate my endorsement of an intense, thorough Congressional investigation of Trump’s Gorilla Channel obssession. The more we hear about all things GC, the better I’ll be pleased.