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The shakiest guns in the, umm, East

Q: Are cops in FLA the worst in the known universe?

A: Apparently, yes. Yes, they are.

Cop resigns after mistaking falling acorn for gunshot, firing at unarmed suspect cuffed in patrol car
A Florida cop resigned after opening fire on an unarmed black man who was handcuffed in his patrol car — because he confused the sound of an acorn hitting the vehicle with a muffled gunshot.

Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Deputy Jesse Hernandez handed in his badge in December following the Nov. 12 Fort Walton Beach incident, officials said Friday.

Sgt. Beth Roberts, who also opened fire, was exonerated in an internal investigation and remained on the job, according to police.

The suspect, Marquis Jackson, was luckily uninjured, but the “situation was traumatic” for him, police acknowledged.

The video of the incident is…well, quite frankly, it’s pathetic.


If you look closely, you can see the falling acorn highlighted against one of the light-grey rowhouses in the background, just before it hits the roof and scares Officer Pissypants out of his meager wits. Next up, vid of the other trigger-happy Deppity Dawg blasting away in “support” of her panicky fellow Offissa Pupp and likewise hitting nothing much.


Uh huh, luckily. A pair of regular Deadeye Dicks, these two. And just never anybody mind that these shooty-shooty knuckleheads popped off thirty rounds most ricky-tick (depending on issue mag capacity, natch; it coulda been sixty)—smack dab in the middle of a residential neighborhood, mind—at a handcuffed “shooter” who, presumably, had been patted down by Sooperdoopercop before he was ever put into the patrol car, thus already verified to be unarmed.

Presumably.

So guess what the PD review board “investigation” concluded regarding this disgraceful fiasco? Go on, guess. I dares ya.

Investigators concluded that Hernandez was culpable for a “policy violation regarding excessive use of control to resistance,” but that Roberts’ “use of deadly force was objectively reasonable.”

No criminal charges were filed against either officer.

Yeah, I thought not. But…“control to resistance”? SRSLY?!? There WAS NO resistance, of any kind. How the hell could there have been? The “shooter” was securely cuffed and locked in the squad car’s perp seat, behind the standard doors without handles, therefore posed no conceivable threat to anybody, badged/heeled or no.

Meanwhile, according to another Tweet I saw, Marquis Jackson (who will doubtless be known as “Lucky” to the other hoodrats forevermore), was cleared of his vengeful ex-ho’s firearms-possession accusations against him.

So at the end of the day it’s a happy ending, I suppose: Hernandez is off the force and out of a job he was manifestly unsuited for, and Jackson is none the worse for wear. Well, apart from the heart-attack-inducing levels of stress brought on by being the helpless, immobilized schnook used for target practice during a hot-range double mag-dump by two (2) cops, neither of whom had any business ever being handed a badge and a gun in the first place, that is.

For 2A folks as well, there’s a cherry on top of this shit sundae: we can take some small comfort that if it’s timorous, overwrought, weak-sister incompetents such as Hernandez and Roberts who’ll be tasked with tippy-toeing door to door to confiscate the guns, then we probably don’t have a whole hell of a lot to worry about. They simply ain’t gonna be up to it, and if any hot-lead-exchange should break out, the Keystone Kops demonstrably couldn’t hit the broad side of a bull’s ass with a baseball bat if you gave ‘em three tries at it. The most serious hazard to firearms enthusiasts in such an eventuality will be parting a floating rib from its moorings, from laughing so damned hard at them.

I dunno, though; kinda makes me wonder if there might not be something to all that angst, dread, and fear the boogs have for years claimed to suffer from merely being in the general vicinity of uniformed 5-0 after all, though I’ve always dismissed that shit out of hand until now. Either way, somewhere out there the infamous “Broward Coward” must be breathing a deep sigh of relief at seeing this mind-bending clusterfuck, secure in the knowledge that he’s at last been outdone by the Excessively Dynamic Duo© and their assclownish antics.

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13 thoughts on “The shakiest guns in the, umm, East

  1. Every police agency in the country screens out the most suitable, intelligent, and qualified applicants, and instead hires the midwits and halfwits preferentially.

    So this sort of jackassery is surprising to…whom, exactly???

    They shouldn’t have fired these assholes.

    They should have locked them both in a room with their duty weapons and one live round apiece, and told them to “do the right thing”.

    The mean IQ of both that department, and the county, would have gone up twenty points.

    1. When I was a young man, 50 years ago, the police departments in my town had numerous tough, intelligent, and true police officers. It’s been all downhill since.

  2. If the black dude had died, you would say it was justified.  You would never waver in your defense of this officer.  No possible recourse to reason could ever convince you this officer was in the wrong, if the black dude died and the officer was prosecuted.

     

    The video wouldn’t matter to you.  You would say it was funny how that suspect provoked the officers.  You would laugh and laugh as he bled out, if he died and the officers were prosecuted.

      1. Eh, you know how I am, Steve. There’s this one particular thing that sometimes sets me off.

        I’m not in the right, here. Sorry I said that stuff. I take it back.

  3. I know you from waaaay back, fella.  I respect and admire you.  I know you’re not the kind of guy to back down from a literal fight, let alone a verbal one.

     

    So I’ll back down.  Simple as that.  My feelings are my own, and I’ll keep them to myself from now on.

  4. The county ought to be sued – it would take the permission of the Florida Attorney General to do so, but it ought to be done. Bullets do not disappear if they don’t hit the intended target – this isn’t a video game. They continue downrange until they hit unintended targets – houses, cars, children, adults, pets – and so forth. They can ricochet off of asphalt and concrete, fragment, and still be lethal. I’d sue for negligent hiring, negligent supervision, and negligent training. If cops have the possibility of confronting live shooters, and carry guns, they should at a minimum take and pass a combat shooter course each year, fire qualification rounds with the weapons that they have physical control over, every month, and if they do not fire a qualifying score, they are restricted from using any firearm on the job. If they want to spray and pray, then they can go to a non-cop firing range and do that, until the rangemaster tells them to leave. If they fail qualifiers three months in a row, then they’re history. I’d give them two tries at the combat shooter course every year, and if they fail those, they’re gone, and their Law Enforcement Certificate gets pulled. And police unions should be outlawed by the Legislature as a danger to public safety, they’re the reason dangerous incompetents are retained, all too often. Police training in this country is a disaster in the vast majority of places, it seems – and the officers end up being a greater danger to the people that they “protect and serve” than the criminals. Here’s an article in The Atlantic, of all places, which talks about this lack of training – and even some remedies. It’s actually a serious article and worth reading: https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2024/03/parkland-shooter-scot-peterson-coward-broward/677170/ There are links to articles pushing gun prohibition for “civilians”, i.e. non-government actors, but the connection between the article I cited and those articles – and their reasonable implications just hasn’t clicked, so far.

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