John Dillermand has an extraordinary penis. So extraordinary, in fact, that it can perform rescue operations, etch murals, hoist a flag and even steal ice-cream from children.
The Danish equivalent of the BBC, DR, has a new animated series aimed at four- to eight-year-olds about John Dillermand, the man with the world’s longest penis who overcomes hardships and challenges with his record-breaking genitals.
Unsurprisingly, the series has provoked debate about what good children’s television should – and should not – contain.
Even more unsurprisingly, said “debate” revolves entirely around political correctness and shitlib shibboleths rather than how just plain fucked up the whole thing is.
Since premiering on Saturday, opponents have condemned the idea of a man who cannot control his penis. “Is this really the message we want to send to children while we are in the middle of a huge #MeToo wave?” wrote the Danish author Anne Lise Marstrand-Jørgensen.
Christian Groes, an associate professor and gender researcher at Roskilde University, said he believed the programme’s celebration of the power of male genitalia could only set equality back. “It’s perpetuating the standard idea of a patriarchal society and normalising ‘locker room culture’ … that’s been used to excuse a lot of bad behaviour from men. It’s meant to be funny – so it’s seen as harmless. But it’s not. And we’re teaching this to our kids.”
Worse still, it presents not just a male but his huge schlong specifically not as a terrifying, rape-addled fiend but as a superhero, which as we all know is COMPLETELY unacceptable.
Erla Heinesen Højsted, a clinical psychologist who works with families and children, said she believed the show’s opponents may be overthinking things. “John Dillermand talks to children and shares their way of thinking – and kids do find genitals funny,” she said.
Well hey, who doesn’t? Let him who is without sin cast the first etc. Now, who’s ready to learn something new? I know I am!
Højsted conceded the timing was poor and that a show about bodies might have considered depicting “difference and diversity” beyond an oversized diller (Danish slang for penis; dillermand literally means “penis-man”). “But this is categorically not a show about sex,” she said. “To pretend it is projects adult ideas on it.”
An “oversized diller.” Am I a bad person for finding that hilarious? Yes, there’s a still from the show’s inaugural episode included, although the depiction of this heroic Übercock might not conform to your expectations. It seems to be wearing some kind of stripey sweater, in fact. Either that, or Dillermand’s Dillywand sports some amazing tattoo work.
Ehh, no matter. Go get ’em, Penisman! Only you can save us now.