Interview with a vampire

ZMan does a wicked-fine parody his own self.

The following is a fictional transcript of a negotiation between white people and black people in America over reparations. Representing black people in the negotiations is Nikole Hannah-Jones, a staff writer for New York Times magazine. She is the creator of the 1619 Project, which is an ongoing blood libel against white people. Representing white people of America is the typical white person, who has tried in good faith for generations to figure out how to include blacks in civil society.

White Person: Thank you for agreeing to begin this dialogue. Having read your latest, uh, column on reparations, we, and by “we” I mean white people, have decided that it is time to think about reparations. While we in no way accept the claim that modern whites owe modern blacks anything for the alleged crimes of our ancestors, in the furtherance of peace between the races, we are open to discussing reparations.

Nikole Hannah-Jones: Yes, well, as I said in my post, if true justice and equality are ever to be achieved in the United States, the country must finally take seriously what it owes black Americans. It is time for this country to pay its debt. It is time for reparations.

WP: Presumably, when you say “the country” you mean white people. You don’t expect Asians, newly arrived Africans and Native Americans to be part of this.

NHJ: I don’t understand.

WP: What don’t you understand?

NHJ: I don’t understand what “presumably” means.

WP: Oh, I see. Well, I’m here to speak on behalf of white people. I cannot obligate Asians or newly arrived Africans, or Arabs or anyone else to reparations. You mentioned white people 197 times in your column. You mentioned black people 179 times. Asians, Jews, Native Americans, Arabs and so on were mentioned zero times, so this is about blacks and whites, correct?

NHJ: That’s right. As I said in my piece, generations of white violence against black bodies has to be addressed. There can be no peace until white people accept what they owe to black people. Going back to the very beginning….

WP: I don’t mean to cut you off, but I read your piece and I have read all the other stuff in the 1619 project. Like all white people, I have grown up hearing the long list of grievances of black people. That’s why I’m here. We agree. It is time to negotiate a settlement in order to get racial peace.

NHJ: If black lives are to truly matter in America, this nation must move beyond slogans and symbolism. Citizens don’t inherit just the glory of their nation, but its wrongs too. A truly great country does not ignore or excuse its sins. It confronts them and then works to make them right. If we are to be redeemed, if we are to live up to the magnificent ideals upon which we were founded, we must do what is just.

WP: Yes, well, that’s fine, but can you tell us what you mean by pay its debts? I’ve read all of your work. I’ve read Ta-Nahesi Coates on the subject of reparations. What seems to be missing is the dollar figure.

NHJ: As I said in my piece, generations of white violence against black bodies has to be addressed. There can be no peace until white people accept what they owe to black people….

WP: Right, I’ll stipulate that. In fact, without qualification, I’ll stipulate to all of the claims in your work. What I’m here to discuss is reparations. What number do we put on the check to make black people whole? What is the debt you expect us to pay?

NHJ: As I said in my piece, until white people atone for their crimes against black people and pay their debt…

WP: Hold up, I just said we will stipulate to all of that.

NHJ: I don’t know what you mean by “stipulate”, but white people need to accept their debt to black people. As I wrote in my piece…

WP: Sorry to cut you off again, but that’s what stipulate means. We agree to all the claims made in your work and in the work of others. We’re not here to debate it or hear another recitation of it. We are here to negotiate the check.

NHJ: I don’t think a check can cover the pain of 150 years of suffering…

WP: Okay, then what else do you want? Land, like a black homeland? A ride to the airport? What? Tell me what we have to do to close the books on this.

NHJ: As I said in my piece, until white people atone for their crimes against black people and pay their debt…

WP: I got it. We all get it. That’s why we’re here. What do you want from us?

NHJ: We want justice.

WP: Fine. What does that mean? What do we need to do in order for you to have justice? If it is not a check, then what is it.

NHJ: We still want the check.

But of course they do. Before we write it, though, we’d all better damned well understand that no check will ever be enough to shut them the hell up at last, and end their demands for moremoremoreMORE, no matter how big it might be.

6 thoughts on “Interview with a vampire

  1. The check may mollify some, but the ones most adamant about reparations will only be satisfied with one form, their boot on your neck.

    Really, since the ones demanding reparations had ancestors that were forcibly removed from their homeland, I think it only fair we return them home with a check for $10 bucks or so. I don’t want to send them home broke.

  2. But of course they do. Before we write it, though, we’d all better damned well understand that no check will ever be enough to shut them the hell up at last, and end their demands for moremoremoreMORE, no matter how big it might be.

    Fuck that noise. Count up every dollar spent on welfare, inner city schools, affirmative action, scholarship programs, EBT, health care, school lunches, hiring quotas, and every other black bennie since the Civil Rights Acts – and tell ’em: “Fuck no. We’ve already paid all that we’re going to and you still act like chimps.”

    The only further reparations you get now is revoked citizenship, a boot in the ass, and a plane ticket to Liberia.

    And give us our forty dollars and our mule back.

    1. Don’t forget to apply charges against The Ethnicity Which Must Not Be Named for surplus assaults, robberies, rapes, murders, and other felonies. Mentioning 12%/52% gets Twitter accounts shut down, it seems, but that doesn’t make it not true.

      1. I thought it was 13do50? Or are we up to 14do85 now?

        Enh, doesn’t matter. Leftists and Twitterati are inumerate, so they’ll never be able to tell the difference between 13/50 and 1488. 🙂

        1. Black population is declining, as a percentage. Fractionally over 12% by the last estimate I saw. (Confounded by counting of multiethnic individuals, whether Somali refugees count as “African American”, and how to weight the overwhelmingly hispanic illegal aliens, but just go with 12%.)

          Percentage of violent crimes committed by blacks has been trending upward. I haven’t seen numbers more recent than 2017 or 2018 (I’m tired and memory is fuzzy) but recall projecting the line to 52% for 2020. Of course, that didn’t take into account the mob violence of the past few months, so I don’t know what the number is.

          But, as you say, it doesn’t much matter. “Disproportionate” is the single most important word. “Obvious to anyone not wearing ideological blinders” comes close.

          1. Fifty-plus years of effectively unlimited Hispanic immigration combined with a similar time span of Margaret Sanger’s master plan to abort black babies means blacks are shrinking as a percentage of the population. I suspect that if the actual numbers of illegals were counted (40 million rather than the ridiculous 11 or 16 million the official numbers admit), blacks would be barely more than 10% of the overall population.

            But the percentage of crimes committed by blacks continues to be around 50%. The official narrative does everything it can to hide this number, but the facts are easy to see for anyone willing to actually look.

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