The tall but brilliant Diogenes Sarcastic would like a word.

Gentlemen, Stop It! Just Stop It!
By Stop It I mean stop wearing, over a shirt and tie, sleeveless fleece pullovers underneath Suit Coats! Stop it. Just Stop It!! Do you not look in the mirror? Your collars sticking out like a malignant growth saying ‘Look at Me’ I’m Kool! No, You Look Ridiculous! You look homeless with everything you own on all at once!

The first time I noticed this ridiculous combination it was on NYT reporter Michal Schmidt, who just happened to be recently married to the MSNBC wacko Nicole Wallace. I thought okay, this little toad couldn’t be very bright if he married her. But now I see it has spread to places I would not expect to see such clownish recklessness in appearance.  

Find out who started this disgusting trend and bring them to me!

And while I’m at it, who started this unshaven three days of growth look? First it was the bedhead look in hairstyles, and then the ‘I only shave every third month’ because I’m kool like the guys in GQ. No, the guys in GQ are fags, and it makes you look like a derelict, it’s not sexy and doesn’t feel good to the touch. My Gawd man, either grow a nice short beard or shave your face!

That is all.

Yes, MA’AM. Gotta love that woman; nobody else says it quite like she can.

If I remember right, and I may not, the three-days-growth fad—a/k/a “designer stubble”—began with Don Johnson and Miami Vice. In fact, there for a while somebody or other was selling razors specifically designed to leave stubble to emulate the fashionable look of the day. Never tried one myself; I’ve always hated shaving like a bad rash, so skipping a cpl-three days was just SOP. For me, being bestubbled wasn’t a fashion statement, it was an admission that I just didn’t care enough about what I looked like on the off-days to bother.

Nowadays, I use a Panasonic Arc-5 electric for three or four days, then clean up the leavings—of which there are plenty; electric razors purely suck on heavy beard-growth like mine—with my trusty old Fusion ProGlide. This clever strategem saves on blades for the Fusion, which are exorbitantly priced. Don’t last long, either; seeing as how there’s five of ‘em, each single blade is extremely thin, thus they dull easily. Wiping the things dry with a towel when you’re done is a big, fat no-no for these frail things, or so I’ve read. If your bathroom sink isn’t so arranged that you can hang it upside down to drip dry, you can carefully, gently blot the cartridge with a soft, plush towel or cloth. Even with that kid-gloves treatment, they’ll lose their edge with a quickness.

And believe you me, fellas, when your cartridge blades have gone dull, you WILL know it. Won’t much like it, either. Since I usually shave at night—a routine established in my trucking days; starting your 14 hour workday at 5 am affords no leisure for anything more than rolling out of bed, taking a fast whiz, snatching on some clothes, and then shagging ass to the warehouse at top speed—I’m pretty sure the screaming from the agony of scraping five (5) worn-out Fusion blades across my face has woken the neighbors more than just once or twice.

The bedhead thing, though? I’m a-okay with that one, at least when it comes to attractive, sexy females with long, loosely-curling locks. Brunettes or redheads either one, makes no never-mind to me; I’m not at all persnickety about it. I don’t mind seeing those manes flowing all tousled, wild, and free, and I hope I never will.