GIVE TIL IT HURTS

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A frank, honest conversation about Race

Fred Reed has one, with Mordor On The Potomac denizen Rastus Washington, although I much misdoubt it’s quite the one race-warmongers like Al “Superconk” Charlaton and his fellow bigots are always demanding we have. Y’know, the one wherein they do all the talking, and Mighty Whitey does all the listening.

My neighbor Bill Fuse in Arlington, that’s outside of the city, he says he’s a engineer but they ain’t no trains in Washington so sometimes I wonder. He said another lingering effect of slavery was, “I can’t walk in the cities of my own country unless I wear a armored bathysphere.” I didn’t know what one of those was, but he said it was getting real hard to find a bathysphere in Washington.

I figured out that lots of cities in America was full of lingering effects of slavery, and most of them have guns and want your car. Well, I wanted my car too except I didn’t have one to want.

Now let’s talk about this slavery thing, Rastus. You want respirations for slavery. That makes sense,I thought, about like lug nuts on a birthday cake. You’ve done convinced me, Rastus. In this very moment I promise to go home and set loose all my slaves, ever blessed one, and they can scuttle in all directions and I won’t pay them no mind.

Just wondering, Rastus, how many slaves do you figure I own? I can’t hardly remember, I got so many. I don’t need a exact number, but just even hundreds, and I give my pledge to give all of them ten million dollars each. I reckon that might be pretty good respirations for a lot of slavery, what do you figure?

Now, Rastus, let’s talk about this cultural appropriation that you black folk fuss about. It seems like you do a lot of it your own self. Anytime you talk English, that’s cultural appropriation, though I know it don’t happen too often. Anytime you count more than ten or wear shoes, or talk on your telephone that we invented or drive on paved roads, or drive a car no matter who you stole it from. And when you steal all those cars you’re really appropriating a lot of culture or at least cars. I wish you would leave some for us so we can drive to work.

What I reckon is, Rastus. you ought to thank us for everything we invent and you get to use free. Saying thanks is just good manners. Get some binoculars, that’s like two telescopes stuck together like beer bottles, and go to Dupont Circle in the Yankee Capital, and climb up on the that thing that shoots water everywhere and looks like somebody crazy tried to make a faucet and it didn’t work too good, with all the water coming out every whichaway and look all around, and see if you can find anything, with a moving part, invented by American Africans.

I don’t know, Rastus. It really seems to me you ought to thank white folk for inventing all that stuff for you. If it wasn’t for us, what could you steal?

But what Bill Fuse, he’s the engineer fellow that don’t have no train, says we could license you our civilization. That’s what Bill Fuse says. He says it would be like software, that sounds like those magazines you get in the bus station under the counter. He says it would take a lot of bookkeeping to license you everything separate: shoes, smartphone, dentists. The bookkeeping would be awful. But maybe we could let you rent the whole thing, for five thousand a year. Maybe we could have family licenses as a quantity discount. that’s what Bill says.

Sometimes I have to wonder about football, where you black folks get twelve million dollars a year to grab something and run with it. And we give you shopping malls to practice in. That looks like black privilege to me, Rastus. What you get twelve million for, I’d get twelve years.

Not entirely sure, but I believe ol’ Fred may just have committed hisself a RAYCISS!!!© with that last bit there, or maybe a Hate Speech at the very least. What do you-all think?

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