Looking for something else to worry about? Look no further, then.
Oh Dear, There’s a Hole in the Bottom of the Ocean
That can’t be good.
I’d think not, no. Perfect hed/sub-hed combo though, I gotta admit. The bullet-point summary of the article’s main analytical thrust oughta suffice to keep you awake nights, or at least motivate you to click on through and read the whole thing.
- The floor of the ocean off the coast of the Pacific Northwest has sprung a leak.
- The spring, known as Pythia’s Oasis, is likely venting water from beneath local tectonic plates through a fault called the Cascadia Subduction Zone.
- This liquid is likely acting as a lubricant between the two plates colliding at the fault, and losing too much of it could increase the likelihood of a damaging earthquake.
“Damaging earthquake,” you say? And just how damaging might we be talking about here?
“The megathrust fault zone is like an air hockey table,” Solomon said in a news release. “If the fluid pressure is high, it’s like the air is turned on, meaning there’s less friction and the two plates can slip. If the fluid pressure is lower, the two plates will lock – that’s when stress can build up.”
And therein lies the issue. If stress starts to build up, it eventually has to go somewhere. When the stress is too much and the system has to jerk into a new position, the jerk triggers an earthquake. Most likely, a big one. Scientists believe a release of stress in the Cascadia Subduction Zone could trigger a magnitude-9 earthquake that would affect many of those living in the Northwestern U.S.
Magnitude-9? Oof. Well, hey, at least it’s the Pacific Northwest, anyway, meaning Portland and Seattle. So if it rids us of those two pestilential liberal shitholes, it might turn out to be worth it at that; I’m perfectly willing to lose them, plus a whole slew of others like ’em, for the advancement of The Greater Good. T’is an ill wind indeed that blows NO man any good, right?
Update! Via VP Stephen.
Portland’s first Shake Shack hasn’t even opened yet, and it’s already been smashed up
Crime is so rampant in the city that on Monday REI announced it was closing its only Portland location after almost two decades in the Rose City.
What is to be Portland’s first Shake Shack was hit by vandals before it even opened.
According to KGW8, someone broke a window in the brand-new restaurant but did not appear to get inside.
Yup, looking more and more as if a thorough, vigorous shaking might be just the thing for these vicious lackwits.