Mask ON

Sure, what the hell, why not.

SACRAMENTO, CA—Fresh off his fireside chat to the state of California last week, Governor Gavin Newsom is announcing swift action to combat the spread of wild global-warming fires in his state. According to sources, Newsom will be signing an executive order requiring all trees to wear masks so that they don’t catch fire.

“My proposal is proven and grounded in SCIENCE,” said the governor in a statement. “Everyone knows masks work. They stop things from spreading. They stop COVID from spreading. Of course, they would also stop fires from spreading! SCIENCE tells us that masks solve almost every problem that has ever existed. This isn’t that difficult. These are facts. It’s just SCIENCE!”

Starting this week, Police, Firefighters, and Forest Management Personnel will be tasked with applying a giant mask to every single tree in the state. The governor is also considering requiring all sea turtles in California to also wear masks to prevent straws from getting stuck in their noses.

Makes as much sense as anything else does these days.

19 thoughts on “Mask ON

  1. I admire the folks at the Babylon Bee. How hard it must be to come up with satire these days, only to see reality produce something far more ludicrous within days (or even hours) of your article.

    This one is all too plausible, sadly. And of course the left loves Newsome, just like they love Granny-killer Cuomo. Sane people loook at the terrible disasters in those states and conclude the governors are horrible, incompetent, even actively evil people who have made the problems far worse. The left sees future presidents.

      1. Out of the more than two dozen people running, how the Democrats ended up with Biden as their figurehead nominee is a mystery to me. He certainly was not the best campaigner — even if you do not question his mental state, he is barely able to hold a scripted event without making at least one serious gaffe. In a party obsessed with identity politics and checking off all the possible victimhood boxes, he is an old, straight white guy. In a party that loves pushing blank slates that voters can imagine to be whatever they want, he is an insider with almost a half century record full of potentially “problematic” votes. And Delaware (to the extent that he is not really a permanent resident of DC) is not a state with significant electoral votes that the Dems need to capture.

        So what is the appeal? I guess there is the “it’s his turn” factor; Biden does have a whole lot of favors owed to him from his long (long long long) career in national politics. And I suspect that his mental state was also important, with powerful backers thinking that it would make him easy to control while they pulled the strings and truly ran things.

        But even so, Joe Biden? Really? Did the Democrats learn nothing from 2016 about screwing the most energized portions of their own base to nominate a barely clinging to life candidate who can not campaign worth a damn?

        1. Haz, if you will recall I said consistently that Biden would be the nominee, in spite of the fact he couldn’t string two words together into a coherent sentence.

          Why did I think this?

          No one else was electable. The fraud is that hiden biden is just the front man for the marxist cabal led by obama. Harris is there real candidate that couldn’t, and Harris because she will do as she is told. They screwed up with obama and didn’t go full commie while they had control, only getting obama_uncare. They will not make that mistake a 2nd time.

          The only reason California isn’t a full communist state is the constitution and the federal government. The obama led marxist crowd has every intention of turning the entire country into california.

          Biden is even worse than they thought, so now they have to prop him up and hide more than they thought.

          1. If they wanted to win they’d run Bernie Sanders. He is the only candidate generating any enthusiasm in 2016 and 2020. They’ve robbed him both times.

            That is easily explained. The rich tech and Wall Street didn’t want Bernie. Or the Indian. They want to win by fraud with people who are corrupt and not true believers.

            They want someone they can control. That’s Biden/Harris to a tee. The Sniffer and The Blower.

              1. But he really does generatee more real enthusiasm than anyone else on the Dem side.
                Watch his rallies. Not Trump level, but real enthusiasm.

                1. I agree. The problem is it is a vocal segment of children, not a large slice of the population.

                  The rank and file dems are fools but not crazy. A matchup of Trump Vs Bernie would be a Nixon size landslide. Might happen with Hiden Biden, but it is a certainty with the old commie.

    1. How does having 5x the death totals of everywhere else make you a hero?
      You must have done SOMETHING wrong.
      Oh, that is adjusted for population.
      WA State had the earliest breakout and got control of it once they quarantined the Nursing Homes.

        1. About 50K or 1/4. More important in any assessment is the deaths per population. NY/NJ are both over 1700 per million. Compare with NC at 300 per.

          1. I calculated the 10 or so counties around NYC Metro area (NYC, Long Island, the upper burbs north of NYC and the immediate counties in West Jersey.)
            2300 deaths/million total
            Almost 2800 deaths per million in NYC proper.

            That was as of Sep 3.

              1. I had to get the numbers for each individual county from Worldometer and the populations for each county from Wikipedia.

                1. I just calculated the rate for Mecklenburg County (Charlotte Area) and it is 315 deaths per million. NYC area is then 9 times higher than the worst case in NC.

                  1. For some reason Orange County is slightly worse off at 406/Million. So 7x worse there.

                    It’s obvious NYC really did a lot of things wrong. There is nowhere even close to them prorated to population. At least in the US. NYC had a self-inflected medical Crisis and that was used to model the rest of the Country, completely unfairly, and prompt the Lockdowns in places that shouldn’t have.

                    I was saying March, healthcare systems in Italy and Spain may as well be considered Third World with their Socialized Government run Medical Systems.
                    Having lived in NYC suburbs until I was mid 30’s, I can attest to the fact that in NYC proper they are Third World except in the High Profile Specialty Clinics. People on Long Island near the border would do anything to get a Nassau County hospital or doctor rather than get sent to the NYC system.

                    1. WHO ranked the Italian health care system as #2 best in the world behind France. So now you know how fucked up the WHO is. Why the high ranking? Because it is a socialist system which is more important than actual health care.

                    2. Leftists always think government-run healthcare just MUST be better than that icky, icky market-driven healthcare. It just MUST be! Hell, they think Cuba (!!!) has great health care. All their heroes tell them so, after all.

                      Having lived in Canada for a decade under their system, I know from personal experience that it is not the health care nirvana so many US leftists think it is. Give me the US system any day I need actual treatment. And the actions of huge numbers of Canadians who cross the border for health care confirms it.

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