Positivity

Again: t’is an ill wind indeed etc etc.

With March Madness canceled, food industry is overloaded with chicken wings
EVANSVILLE, Ind., April 2 (UPI) — With March Madness canceled and restaurants across the country closed, the meat industry is overloaded with chicken wings it can’t sell.

“The wing business is totally in the gutter,” said Stan Neva, the owner of the Northwest Meat Co. in Chicago, which supplies meat to restaurants, hotels and clubs.

“The only way we’re selling wings is for curbside to-go. We have one pizza place in town that does carry-out and ordered some wings. But that’s been it. We probably lost 30 or 40 sports bars,” Neva said.

Ah well, even some silver linings have clouds of their own, and I’m sorry for those entrepreneurs and their staff that have had their businesses and livelihoods stolen from them. Although I can’t honestly say the loss of any number of sports bars perturbs me overmuch. I never was a sports-bar kind of guy.

Whitman said that it’s possible prices will fall low enough for wings to start selling again. The price for wings has fallen considerably. On March 1, they were selling for $1.60 per pound wholesale. On Wednesday afternoon, the price was $1.25, he said.

Usually, when the price falls enough, someone will buy them, Whitman said.

*shoots arm straight up into the air, waves hand wildly, clears throat loudly, jumps up and down* That would be ME, fellas.

In case you never have made ’em at home, there’s a very easy way to get near-perfect Buffalo wings every time: Put your frozen bulk-bagged wings in a glass baking dish—a big enough one that they’re not all piled up on each other. Scatter some butter around on ’em, and bake at 400℉ until the skin is brown and crispy. Keep an eye on ’em; despite being frozen, they don’t take as long as you might think to cook through.

Toss the wings in a generous bath of Texas Pete Buffalo Wing sauce and some chopped or minced garlic; if you can manage one without splashing sauce all over the kitchen, one of those large stainless-steel mixing bowls will work well for this. Grab the celery and carrots you sliced up while the bird parts were in the oven. The small veggies are what you dip in the bleu cheese. Do NOT dip the wings in the bleu cheese. That is just wrong. Gorge yourself wobbly on God’s Own Finger Food.

A note for you Texas Pete newbs: do NOT believe the Texas Pete website’s spurious falsehoods misrepresenting their wing sauce being “Mild,” verging on “Medium.” Delicious as it is, much as I do love it, it is NOT “mild.” It will in fact rock your world pretty good, although not as agonizingly as some other brands I’ve tried. Your eyes will tear and your nose will run freely. Your face will turn alarming shades of deepest vermilion. The less doughty among you will truly believe that you may have swallowed the Sun by mistake. But you will absolutely love every last morsel nonetheless, I assure you. The excruciating fire in your mouth will not suffice to dissuade you from eating every last one of them. No matter how many you made, you will wish you had just one or two more.

Bonus hint: unless you are some kind of urban-dwelling man-bunned pansy, or have a pacemaker, do NOT bother with their “Extra Mild” wing sauce. It’s the only thing the geniuses at Garner Foods ever got wrong. Trust me on this.

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