Is not “Think Twice Version X” by Jackie Wilson and LaVerne Baker, nor is it “Rotten Cocksuckers’ Ball” by the Clovers, nor is it “Shave ‘Em Dry” by Lucille Bogan—serious contenders all, certainly, but for my money the all-time prize for dirty tuneage goes to, of all artists/groups/whatever…erm…the Andrews Sisters?!?

The title is “Rum And Coca Cola,” which got the thing de facto banned upon its (attempted) 1945 release for the mention of alcohol in both title and chorus. What makes this ditty the all-time champ of dirty is the lyrics’ contention that, basically, female in Trinidad was a prostitute, running down to the docks to peddle ass to US sailors anytime a Navy ship sailed into port. As the lyrics flatly put it, “Both mother and daughter/Working for the Yankee dollar.”

Nope, nothing coy or subtle about that, I must say.

The melody was published as the work of Venezuelan calypso composer Lionel Belasco on a song titled “L’Année Passée”. The lyrics to “Rum and Coca-Cola” were written by Rupert Grant, another calypso musician from Trinidad who used the stage name Lord Invader.

The song became a local hit and was at the peak of its popularity when US entertainer Morey Amsterdam visited the island in September 1943 as part of a U.S.O. tour. The song was then published in the United States with Amsterdam listed as lyricist and Jeri Sullivan and Paul Baron as composers. Although he claimed never to have heard the song during the month he spent on the island, the lyrics to his version are clearly based on the Lord Invader version, with the music and chorus being virtually identical. However, Amsterdam’s version strips the song of its social commentary. The Lord Invader version laments that U.S. soldiers are debauching local women who “saw that the Yankees treat them nice/and they give them a better price.” Its final stanza describes a newlywed couple whose marriage is ruined when “the bride run away with a soldier lad/and the stupid husband went staring mad.” The Amsterdam version also hints that women are prostituting themselves, preserved in the Lord Invader chorus which says, “Both mother and daughter/Working for the Yankee dollar.”

Since the Yankee come to Trinidad
They got the young girls all goin’ mad
Young girls say they treat ’em nice
Make Trinidad like paradise

The song was recorded in 1944 by The Andrews Sisters, crediting the composition to Amsterdam, Sullivan and Baron. The sisters seem to have given little thought to the meaning of the lyrics. According to Patty Andrews, “We had a recording date, and the song was brought to us the night before the recording date. We hardly really knew it, and when we went in we had some extra time and we just threw it in, and that was the miracle of it. It was actually a faked arrangement. There was no written background, so we just kind of faked it.” In under ten minutes they made a record that sold seven million units and sat at number one on the Billboard magazine chart for seven weeks. Maxine Andrews recalled, “The rhythm was what attracted the Andrews Sisters to ‘Rum and Coca-Cola’. We never thought of the lyric. The lyric was there, it was cute, but we didn’t think of what it meant; but at that time, nobody else would think of it either, because we weren’t as morally open as we are today and so, a lot of stuff—really, no excuses—just went over our heads.” Some stations refused to play the song because it mentioned rum, and alcohol could not be advertised on the air, or because it mentioned the brand name Coca-Cola, which was perceived as advertising for the soft drink.

Fret not, people; y’all know I wouldn’t leave ya hanging as to what the song sounds like.

OH, you naughty, naughty girls!