Scott Fitzgerald had it right: the rich are different from you and me.
Police Report: Drunk Tyson Foods VP Slips Into a Strange Woman’s House — and Bed
Oh, I’m enjoying this story already.
Sometimes, you just need to go home and sleep. And if you manage to do it adroitly, you go to a home that’s yours. Allegedly, such expert operation recently eluded an American meat mogul; the result was a calling of cops.
As reported by KNWA, Tyson Foods Chief Financial Officer John R. Tyson went Full Goldilocks Saturday night. John had decided to call it a night and hit the sack. Curiously, he chose a bed that wasn’t his — in a house belonging to a stranger.
Purportedly, a woman living in Fayetteville, Arkansas got home around 2:00 a.m. Sunday and retired to her room. But like one of The Three Bears, she took pause upon discovering someone in her bed.
Officers noticed a few things:
- A lack of coordination
- Sluggish movements
- An odor of alcohol on his breath and body
Could the bigwig have gotten sloshed, found his way to a front door, staggered through a house ’til he found something soft, and transformed his intrusion into a snoozefest? It seems yes. If so, how’d he arrive to the address?
Whichever way it occurred, John was booked into the Washington County Detention Center Sunday. Charged with Public Intoxication and Criminal Trespass, he was let out that evening.
See what I mean? If it had been you, me, or anybody else reading this, we’d still be stuck in the hoosegow.
Imagine, a Tyson guilty of fowl play.
Puns are the lowest form of humor!
(Except for mine. Mine are awesome.)
Damn good one.
He certainly ruffled a few feathers…