Hey y’all!
Mike’s Brother Jeff called, and gave me the latest. Seems our Dear Leader is doing very well. He’s in surgery today, as they’re sewing up all the pieces parts that they didn’t before. For those of you who don’t know, when they get all hacky-hacky-wackity with the axes and scalpels, they have to plug in a drain to get all the nasty out, especially in light of how much infection he had riding shotgun on him.

Also, his carcass responded to the meds exceptionally well, and the infection they were worried about in his back is going away nicely. He’s being moved OUT of the ICU here too to Room 6219 in the next 24-48 when he recovers from this round of stich-bitch sewing.

All and all, most excellent news.

Jeff also pulled rank on him so to speak, and actually got him to choke down Ye Olde ‘Ospital Gruel that most of us who’ve been in a ‘ospital know of… I’d rather be on the Omelet and Ham MRE than hospital grub. BUT it’s utterly necessary to get him back up to speed and strength. Jeff -also- got him some resistance bands for him to start working out and he did, so fear not gang, Mike’s now on the mend. Jeff said it’s be about another 7-10 days, and they’ll be transferring him to a rehab facility where the real fun begins…

So, as I gets intel, I’ll keep throwing it up here. Also, I’m using some of the donated cash to send Mike -something- as Jeff said no flowers nor Big Tiddied Whammenz has shown up. If I thought I could get away with it, I’d have a Doordash deliver a Double Bacon Greaseburger and a cold beer, but the docs might have issues with that… I’ll let y’all know when that goes, and get Jeff to take a picture or something if Mike’ll allow it.

More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter
Big Country
Mini-Update:
And I did this as well, we’ll see what happens?

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!

So a bit of a clarification is in order:
Some dood over at Gab burned me a new asshole over the poasting of my Raffle at my house.

Thing of it is, since the whole “Mike Thing” started, I A) Had a complete drop off the cliff on the Raffle, and B) I’ve wrapped up every. single. donation. that I’ve gotten for the Raffle since the “Mike Thing” started, and put it in Mike’s Kitty so to speak.. right now, about $500 from me in dribs and drabs.

The reason I poasted about it is also, the fundraiser has staggered and like had ZERO Movement.
I figured the incentivization of “Donate/Raffle” gets you cool shit. If anyone misunderstood, them me most ‘umble apologies.

And for that guy? Thanks for making me aware of that I didn’t communicate clearly enuff… but by the same token, stay in yer own fucking lane if’n you ain’t stepping up to the plate Aye?

Now, as far as Mike’s condition?
Mean as a snake still. He’s supposed to call me tonight. This time I’ma gonna be ‘good cop’ as what he’s been through is some seriously traumatic shytte and I’ve sorta-kinda dealt with stuff like this over the years. His biggest question is “Why me?” which is a natural reaction.

Now, ‘other biddness’
Chris Muir drew this up for other/all the webpages to Poast on their Bleggs as a free download to use in conjunction with any fundraising:

TBH, the face on that there hottie has a MOR than passing resemblance to Wifey, but I ain’t sayin shytte as her ego is already at “Hindenburg” levels.

So, that’s whats going on. Any Ideas for Blowing Up this campaign? I’m by no means a marketing specialist, and my mags have run dry. Any suggestions in the comments would be welcome!

More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter

Big Country

5

Error happened.

Ok Gang, Me Droogs N Droogettes!

Mike a.k.a. “Stumpy” or “Peg-Leg” as he shall be known as is doing very well currently. He’s still got -some- infection but the croakers (doctors) are no longer worried. Only thing they had to do was on his right foot it seems that his Big Toe didn’t get the message and got eighty-sixed with the rest of the bad bunch.

His mood has not improved but they have brought his clothes, and his cell phone so he can get calls, for those of you close enough to be in the ‘inner cool-kid circle’

I’m broke but if’n someone, in lieu of a donation can send a titty-strip-o-gram it’d probably make things better.

Get the chickie to make Mike to literally eat his veggies and be a Good Boy
He’s been protesting the grub in the hospital ‘cos it ain’t Greaseburgers and Fries, with an extra side of cholesterol. I told him that right there is why we’re where we be at Aye? She’s also have to tell him to be nicer towards the staff, as they’re doing their level best to wrangle an angry redneck shy a leg and a toe. Then and only then should he get the titties.

I told him he should be grateful as fuck instead of ornery as Wifey’s friend? He had a similar experience, but unfortunately for him (God rest him, he was a nce guy) the Gangrene went allllll the way up and done ate his junk… like complete package elimination

>shudder<

So yeah, he needs to stop giving shit to everyone. Especially the nurses and Physical Tortur… errr Therapists.

Now, other things Big Country done fucked up:

Namely Mike’s PayPal, which I swear to God as my witness, I had no idea existed on this here place. The link is listed as “Shameless Begging” and is on the right hand side. It’s mike@coldfury.com for y’all too fucking lazy… Y’all who want to donate that way, go for it. As far as I know, the shit is good… if not, please let me know, ‘cos a lot of this ‘stuff’ I’m finding out via bits and pieces here n’there… Swear to Gawd if Mike survives, I’m ’bout to purely kill his ass done dead Aye.

So, good news all around, and if’n you get the urge to come over to MY place and throw $$$ for the raffle, I’ma ’bout to -sweeten the deal- with an additional 27 rounds of M855A1 62grain with an additional 3 rounds of XM856 64 grain tracer… and two brand new PMAGs in the wrapper to load ’em into. $10 a chance, with the Two Damascus handmade boot Knives and two autographed Charlie Mike Comix. Total now is 6 rounds of Tracer, and 54 rounds of Green tip ball, plus two mags and the ka-niffs and comix…

Oy Vey! Whadda deal I’m offering!

I’m announcing that at MY house tomorrow, so y’all Furians get a jump on the rest of MY criminal scum.

MY PayPal is theintrepidreporter2019@gmail.com LOL.
$10 an entry, to be drawn on New Year Eve by Wifey or some other suitable piece of fluff from her friends in bikinis.
So, More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter

Big Country

2

Error happened.

Got the addy of where they go Mike stashed. I actually talked to him today and boy-howdy, he’s in an especially ornery mood, as well he should be. He’s also high as all get the hell out on the good stuff. Bad news is the infection is now on his spine… they’re working it, and it’s ‘minor’ for the sake of minor, but he’s still kicking, and as I told him only the good die young…

So He’s at

 CaroMont Regional Medical Center 2525 Court Dr, Gastonia, NC 28054

I know I’ve annoyed y’all enough but any love you can show him is much appreciated, as he said “I’m trapped here naked, eatin’ shitty food, and for some reason one of my legs is missing!!!”
The ‘good stuff’ indeed.

So yeah, no calls to him however. He’s got to rest and get better, so don’t be blowing up the fon there Aye?

Much Love to Everyone and Prayers for my Brother From Another Mother

I Remain The Intrepid Reporter
Big Country

OK, so and update to the update. To answer some of the questions out there, The root cause of this was Mike had food poisoning, barfing whilst at the same time shitting hisself to the point you don’t get off the shitter, you just get a BIGGER bucket to hold the puke.

Seems he has the diabeetus, which when the infection ackchully spread to a body-wide dealio, his left foot essentially died… like gangrene.  The infection started working it’s way up his leg, and in order to save his life, the sawbones did just that. Incrementally to save -as much- of his leg as they could. They kept at it, hacking AND Massive Medications, and from what I’ve heard, they got ALL the shit (the infection itself) handled, but now?

Well, lets just say Mikey ain’t gonna need a “Left” Air Jordan anytime soon…  His shit ends just above where the knee -was-

Now, to be utterly honest, not a bad spot to stop cutting.  I know me personally at least three guys (Infantry/SF and ALL still on active duty last I heard) who’ve had legs lopped off, blown off or generally ‘removed’ in unnatural incidents… (although one we never speak of, as it involved three Mexican chicks,  a Tijuana Donkey Show, a jelly donut and some –serious– depravity… ugly doesn’t begin to describe the scene)

Anywho, new stump-covers are really fucking good these days, hence my fundraiser.  And he’s gonna need a LOT of drinks too….  Wars tend to seriously advance our know-how when it comes to traumatic Limb Injury… ask Aesop aboot it….

Jes’ Sayin’

Now, at this point the GoFundMe seems to have slowed a mite. We’re a hair under $20K as I saw this A.M. If you’ve already tagged it, then coolio. Claire Wolfe sent me a Cee-Note which I donated for her (it had to go as an ‘anon’ name but it’s in there, and I thank her as well.. Thanks for the support also to Normal American who runs the eeeevil Aggregator “News to Keep You Out Of The Camps” where he’s ‘pinned’ the GFM to the top of his page.

Now, Any suggestions to ‘kick it up a notch’ would be appreciated and to all you bloggers who jumped on the promotion train, I do indeed thank Ye All.

“We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.”

We got to watch out for each other, and to all y’all who stepped up… y’all are the best.
So that’s the lastest… Pass it on!
So More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter

Big Country

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
So far, so good!  Mike’s brother hit me this A.M.  He came out of surgery and is actually doing well.  ‘Cept missing his leg and all… better a leg than the junk however amiright?  So they –think- they got ALL the problematic infection out, and that he’s stable.  ICU’d but stable.
And you guys gals and -whatevers- out there, y’all are fucking awesome.

21 Hours in and we’re at almost 10K for Mike.  And as one reader suggested, I’ma gonna see about doing a trust or something as the medical bills are going to be phenomenally stupid as fuck so’s having Mikey ackchully not having -anything- as of now might be a good idea?

Lord knows I’m still worried AND praying.  No lightening bolts yet but man, I’m usually not too hard of praying type.  Biggest concern is the medical folks theyselves… these days the trust I have of a croaker is near-to-nonexistent.  Their own damned fault too.  

Wasn’t it the Aztecs who used to tie the patient to the doctor if they died while under care and stake ’em out on the beach at the low tide?  If the doctor wasn’t guilty of malpractice, he’d survive, and if he fucked up and WAS to blame, he’d drown while tied to the carcass of the person he done kilt’.

Sometimes I think that our ‘primitive ancestors’ had a better view on how to deal with some of the shitheads that inhabit this lil ole ball o’mud.

So… just got off the phone with the IT Department.  One of the doodz, he’s a reader here and was instrumental in getting me on with Glorious People’s Tractor Factory.  I mentioned him before as the IT Commissar.  Seems H.R. showed up in the IT office and told him and his partner in crime that there was a problem in the Server Room that they needed to rectify.  A Spock-Like Single Eyebrow lift, followed by “What’s the problem?”  I mean what could have raised the ire of HR in the server room?
Well aboot that….

Seems that the server racks and switches, well if you’ve ever worked IT, they’ve got labels on them.  Apparently the “Master” Switch and the “Slave” switch, labeled as such was “problematic”.

Peak. Clown. World.

The two of them stared down the HR chick until they literally both exploded in laughter.  Like Howling pissing-in-pants levels of ‘lost their shit’ laughter.  HR Karen then pretty much hustled out of there.  He then called me still barely under control when I lost MY shit as well.  My sides still hurt.  Best part?  The Assistant Commissar came up with a new labeling idea… what was “Master” is now going to be labeled “Daddy” on a piece of Black Leather, and the “Slave” is going to be labeled “Sub” on vinyl.  The idea if the HR Lunatics complain about that, they’ll go after them for ‘kink-shaming’

I almost pissed myself I was laughing so hard.
Appreciate that man… I really needed that Aye.

So, Please let me know in the comments -how- we can get MOR folks onboard to spreading the word about Mike.  Tons of /ourguys have stepped up… All the usual suspects.  Wirecutter, Phil, Miguel, Borepatch, Claire Wolfe no less!  Peter at Bayou Ren, maaaan all the greats got on board… cept you Art?  Whaddup with that?
Oh!  Speaking of Art, over at his place, seems he dug up disturbing info aboot Ye Olde Paedo from CNN.  His Link here: https://www.arthursido.com/2021/12/the-circle-is-complete.html
Looks like the fucker was on the radar.  As in the psycho-child-abusing Mom?  Yeah, she got busted for essentially selling her 9 year old lil girl to this fucking fuck

Maaaan, when I called it the other day “Resting Paedo Face” I wasn’t fucking wrong.
Seems the headlies have this info-nugget: “Nevada complaint alleges 9-year-old was left with Griffin alone when mother was hospitalized after BDSM tryst”
Uhhhh. say fuckin’ what?!?Then it gets even MOR fucked:
“It also reveals that authorities first became aware of Griffin’s depraved proclivities 18 months ago – yet the FBI didn’t arrest him until Friday in Connecticut for allegedly soliciting three mothers and their underage daughters for “training” on fetish sex.

The third count in the federal indictment out of Vermont is based on the encounter with the 9-year-old in July 2020, for which Griffin paid the mom $3,500 via Venmo.

After the woman’s arrest in August 2020, federal investigators seized “computers storage media, devices, phones, cameras, MicroSD cards, images, and video” from Griffin on Sept. 2, 2020, according to court documents.”
What.
The.
Fuck.
Time to bust out a quote:

Yah.Root and BranchALL them FBI cocksuckers
Ain’t one of them worth a fuck.
Spare me the “one apple” line too. 
They’re the modren-day STASI and they know it, and obviously have zero fucks to give.  I henceforth think that IF I were to ever receive a visit by Ye Olde Glowniggers and whatnot, I’ma telling them to pound sand as they –obviously– fake, ghey and co-opted to the point of absolute irredeemability.  As in no, go fuck yourself, and sideways for that matter.  Illegit DotGov, Illegit DotGovLaw.  Get fucked, die in a fire.

Where the fuck do we go?  I mean Jeebus… it’s readily apparent that we’re surrounded by Demonic Forces (((everywhere))) and that thankfully, I appear to be in a ‘safe state’ 

For now.

Ain’t moving unless it’s post-apocalypse.  Doc Mississippi who’s a reg’lar here, he’s a boobie-doc for rebuilds post cancer shytte… he’s told me he wants me at HIS place as the de-facto head of security.  My only issue there is that he’s in Jackson Mississippi, which for the values of such, that place is positively drenched in “Muh Diversity” and IF I head that way, it’s only ‘cos he figured out where to get 400 plus Claymore Mines we’ll need to get his defenses hardened to the point that I’m satisfied.  Guns?  He’s got guns… the term I use is “metric fucktons” and I mean that literally…  and his missus is a wonderful chicka who Wifey’ll get along with like gasoline and a housefire… it’s just the ‘muh Diversity’ that has me… shall we say… squeemish?

I mean when it hits, shit’s gonna be ugly.

I ackchully volunteered and submitted my shytte to the Florida Defense Force that DeSantis announced, only to find out it’s to augment the Nasty Guard.  200 people only.  However, between my Intelligence, Logistics, and Security background, nevermind the whole ‘master gunsmith’ thing…

OK Holy fuck my balls
Between “fambly drama” and shytte, I’m ending this NOW.
I started this Poast at 11:00 A.M. ESTIt’s now 19:30.Fuck this… I’m done.
More later I Remain the Intrepid Reporter, (outta gas so to speak)
Big Country

Ok Y’all

All bullshitting aside.

Mikes in the Critical Care/ICU. I’m waiting to find out -where- exactly.

(FOLLOW UP: DO NOT BLOW UP THE HOSPITAL WITH PHONE CALLS AND SHEEEE-IT)
Hit me up if’n you have wants needs questions and I’ll do my best as the ‘gatekeeper’ to keep y’all up to date. Currently, they got him in Caromont Regional Medical Center. In lieu of flowers and other assorted phaggotry, donate at the GoFundMe I set up for him. Ladies, Nude pics and such will be forwarded as deemed appropriately, as well as panties and other such ‘morale boosting’ stuff.

I just got word that my brother-from-another-mother Mike Hendrix, late of the famed rockabilly band The Belmont Playboys and more recently of the Blog “Cold Fury” http://coldfury.com/ has gotten seriously hemmed up medically speaking. Last Thursday after a slightly prolonged absence from his blog, I reached out to him to find out WTF was going on and I heard back that he’d come down with a nasty case of food poisoning.

Since then, apparently something faaar MOR serious happened.

His brother (actual) Jeff called me tonight as I left one of my more ‘colorful messages’ on his phone (in possession currently by his sainted lil ole Lady Mom) who apparently when she recovered from my diatribe, had Jeff call me to fill me in on what’s up.

Essentially Mike’s seriously fucked up.

Food Poisoning turned out to be a MAD infection. His diabeetus didn’t help the issue, so they had to lop off his foot, then his leg, as the infection was/is spreading. They’re fixin’ to make it even MOR stumpy as the infection still isn’t under control. He’s in critical/ICU level condition, but NOT COVID related thank the Gods.

So, My brother-from-another-mother, henceforth now known as “Peg-Leg Mikey” is gonna have some serious medical bills and life altering needs. So hence Ye Olde GoFundMe Fundraiser.

I’m starting the ball rolling with the remainder of my ‘raising Christmas’ fund, and ask you please to help in any way, shape or form. Mike is damned fine people and has entertained people from all walks of life, either musically or through his magnificent acerbic writing and wit.

As they say, step up and help a brother out.
Spread the Word gang. Mike needs us and has never asked for anything.

The Go-Fund-Me is here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-mike-of-cold-fury-and-the-belmont-playboys

I Remain The Intrepid Reporter,
Worried as all get-the-hell-out
Big Country

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
Been a minute since I heard from the Esteemed Proprietor of dis’ here place, so I figgered that I best put -something- up. I texted him today requesting ‘proof of life’ lest I have to go full covenant and roadtrip up there to either rescue him and/or kill him, because for all we know at this point, he may be in the clutches of some big tittied Rockabillie Chicky-poo who’s all razzled dazzled by his gives no fucks attitude.

That or I’ll find his ass dead of the plague or something…

At which point it’ll become a “Weekend at Mikeys” with lots of lowbrow hijinx dragging his corpse around to every dive bar we can find, loading up on shitty PBR beer and whatnot… Maybe finish off with a “Viking Funeral” right out of Blake Edward’s “S.O.B.”

Dunno if you ever saw it, but HIGHLY recommend. Literally “S.O.B.” which either stands for “Same Old Bullshit” or “Standard Operating Bullshit” which was par for the course in Hollyweird back then. It’s a funny flick… the scene where they steal the corpse and the shit that goes on is some of the funniest stuff you can see from a back-in-the-day movie… and has one of the wildest things that Hollyweird had for ‘back in the day’ Julie Andrews whipped out her titties in it! Yep… “The Sound of Music” broad, Polly Pureheart if there ever was one whipped out the jugs… not that they were all that, but moreso the fact that the “good girl” of Hollyweird ‘took it off’ so to speak. A -really- good movie IMO… it was one of DeadDad’s faves.

Hopefully our fearless Leader hasn’t shat hisself to death. I’ll keep popping in occasionally to harangue and harass y’all as I mean what the hell? It’s what a good right hand does for a person. That and help clean up the crime scene and dispose of the body(s)… pluralized as needs be Aye?

Jes’ Sayin’

So, not much going on, at ‘my haus’ you can read ’bout my adventures with the Trash Truck From Hell if’n you want. I -do- have an update and Lord knows I got a break… the 85 degree weather just went to RAIN thank the Almighty… THAT should put paid to the issues I was dealing with. It’s here: https://bigcountryexpatoriginal.blogspot.com/2021/12/ugh.html

So, More Later I Remain The Intrepid Guest Reporter fillin’ in for Mike

Big Country Expat

5

Error happened.

Sorta-Kinda…

BCE here. I heard from Mike today, our Glorious Leader of this here Den of Iniquity, nay dare I say, a Right Thinking Hive of Scum and Villainy (that I am proud to be part of mind you) Well, he’s OK… sorta-kinda…

Seems Mikey done got hisself some bad food and is doing his best to imitate a M72 L.A.W. Rocket Launcher.

For those of you ‘not in the know’ here’s a sample:

The backblast is almost as bad as the rocket going out the front… You dig the imagery I’m supposing as the crew here, albeit of Lowbrow Humor (why else you here?) are some of the more highly intelligent of the species (also why you’re here). Needless to say, some Pedialyte and some Pepto is in order so Our Munificent and Benevolent Leader of the aforementioned Scum and Villainous persons to recover and eventually kick the sickness to the curb like a bad habit.

No idea how Mike feels about Disturbed, but I think this’s apropo:

Feel Better Dude… you -are- missed. (Bullets from bad-shot Ex-GF not included)

So, More Later I Remain The Guest Intrepid Reporrter

Big Country

3

1

Error happened.

In Case you missed it… Tell Me I’m Wrong:

3

Error happened.

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!
Poasted at my house, but this needs max distro: The long term storage food is about to vanish methinks, so Bit of a heads up.  Augason Farms, a competitor and slightly less pricey version of Mountain House has ceased production for the next 90 days due to ‘supply line disruption’ i.e. ain’t no food available for them to freeze dry and make the vittles.  Now, not sure but the YewToob viday from a chick called AlaskaGranny has the lowdown and letter she was sent.

I went to their website and there’s a notice: 

“Due to an extremely high order volume through all sales channels we are currently not able to receive any orders through our web site. “

So yepper they’re out.  For 90 days.  Now, to some that sounds like a “Meh.” situation, and for a lot of people it is.  However, that’s three months and a LOT can happen is three months.  And IF things go to “Sporky” that’s a problem, and the issue is going to be local local AND local.  It’s funny because not fifteen minutes BEFORE I found out about this, Sapper came is to ask my opinion of whether to buy some new clothes (his wardrobe is either Carhartt workwear for his job or basic bachelor “I don’t give a fuck” t-shirt and shorts) so’s he can look a bit more civilized outside of the usual ‘bachelor scrub look’.  So his question:  New clothes or use the extra bucks to get MOR Mountain House up at Wally World.

He was up there the other day and said that the “Good” Wally World (in the nice part of town, and mostly Whypeepo live there) had a fully stocked selection of the Mountain House meal pouches, as well as the “Weekend Adventure” boxes that have 6 meals, 4 main entrée and 2 breakfast for $40.  Told him that I wasn’t sure but that he does need some better duds for the rare occasion we hit the bar for a beer or three.  Then I saw the poast on the food sit-rep.

15 minutes later I had showered dressed and hit the Walmart with him.  We cleaned out the Mountain House as far as the budget would let him.  Me?  I plan on payday of re-hitting it IF it gets restocked, and if the “Good” Wally World is still oot, then we’ll hit the two that’re in “Muh Diversity” locations.  It’s not the people per se, but the selection there is really shitty at BOTH places, and usually never gets a restock.  But he added it to ‘the house food’ which I keep in a medical DotMil equipment box.

With MREs included (12 meals) and a bunch of them steaks and other dehydrated goodies, that’s about 45-50 pounds of Mountain House ALL in the pouch variants and flavors.  Only flavor that we’re heavy on is the Beef Stroganoff… I fucking love that stuff.  I have a pile of the MH “Pro-pack” ones as well as they’re waaay compact like a LURP and smaller so’s to be better on patrol in the ruck and whatnot.  One pouch is one light meal for two people. So that box represents at least a month of grub.  Maybe more maybe less.  Now with DumBunny and GranBebe#2 onboard for a while, file it under “less”.  I need to unload it completely and re-inventory and get that listed on the box top, as well as portions.

The case I can’t recommend enough.  I have two I shipped home for the price of mailing from Affy.  They have 10 locks (all intact on mine), perfect rubber seals and wheels.  And it holds a PILE of food.  Plus the interlock when you stack them together on the roof of the Putt-Putt on the roof racks.  Then a cargo strap and nice, weatherproof, waterproof and almost indestructible.  When emptied, fill them with sand for a nice bullet stopper.

So, wanted to give y’all a heads up.  Other observations at the “Good” Wally World was that it was full-to-overflowing with ‘stuff’  Meats were good, hell they had Gatorade, not all flavors but it WAS in stock unlike Publix.  All sorts of shitpaper and the only thing I noticed which was amiss was the aisles in this place were chockablock full of still-in-the-shipping boxes… like WAITING to go on the shelves.  TONS of shytte Aye… whoever is running that particular store obviously knows WTF is going on, and took precautions to have TONS of extras on hand to put on the shelves.
So, More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter
Big Country

1

Error happened.

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!

Now, shit’s been too serious lately. I’m dropping this at my place in the A.M., but figured we got to lighten the mood up round here at Cold Fury, lest our Host Mighty Mike finally flips his shytte Aye? So vorwarts as Die Chermans would say:
Rolling down “memory lane” I came across’t another picture set that was EPIC in it’s entirety.  Now… this was Christmas 2006… We had a BIG Corporate Party under the Prime, ITT… what it -ackchully- stood for is lost on me and my shitty TBI induced memories, but we always called it “International Thugs n’ Thieves”.  One of the larger more corrupt outfits to have ever run a Middle Eastern Grift… I was with Stanley under as a subcontractor.

So, being a miiiiiiiiiiiiiiillion miles away from the Untied Statz, the company tried to lay on a pretty BIG parh-tay, despite the ‘no booze rules’ of Kuwait.  Now, don’t get me wrong, Booze was ostensibly available, however it was of two varieties, one being home-made moonshine called Siddique, pronounce Sid-deek-key or more often “That undrinkable bullshit that’ll leave you blind” and then real ‘Murican Booze smuggled in by various factions… however, a single 5th of Jack?  Yeah, try almost $200 USD.  

#7 @ $200? Fuggedaboutit.

Waaaaaaay outta my league.  Not that I didn’t have the cash, but man, even for me, that’s faaaar too much dinero for a buzz.

So, anywho, the company threw a big assed party… booze free of course.  At the party, me and my bros went together, and the grub was good, and it was at a BIG mall in Fahaheel, which was a major high-end shopping District of Kuwait City.  At the party, they even had a gen-you-wine camel and drover of said-Joe-Camel there, for us to get rides and pictures taken.

Harris and Byron?  Well, they stood there and Joe camel seemed to be aight with it.
Then it was my turn.

Now, I wanted to get a -bit closer-… so shot #2 was needed:

It’s blurry, but that’s because the camel started getting ‘ornery’ and Bryon who was taking the picture yelled to me at the last second “Big Country, watch out!”
Next thing I know, I got a camel chomping down on my right shoulder fucking vicelike and hard.
Bryon of course kept taking pics sorta-kinda

Motherfucker done went and bit me…
And me? Well, I lost it…
The last pic is of Bryon going to pull me off the drover, cause I done went and did a Conan IRL.

Yeah,… no shit, it was sort of like this:

I right hooked and cold-cocked that big sumbitch.
Knocked ole Joe Camel on his one-humped ass.
I was positively covered in Camel drool and loogies mind you, and my right shoulder bruised up for weeks. The drover wasn’t none too happy I had knock Joe Camel into next week, but realized I was fittin’ to ‘pack him a lunch’ too so to speak… I was fucking bullshit man

I fucking hate Camels…
Motherfucking ornery nasty assholes.
Yeah… Fuck ’em.

Only -other- Camel story I got was when I –first- hit ground in Kuwait.  They piled us alllllll on a microbus.  Not sure if’n y’all have ever seen them Jap minibuses, but man, they sure as shit-shootin’ ain’t made for us Big Ole Corn Fed Norte’Muricanos.  Itty-Bitty Seats.  They packed us in like sardines, and then ran us up and around the city… there was some sort of Festival going on… BIG holiday.  We got stuck-like-Chuck in horrible traffic near, what I found out later was the Fahaheel Woman’s Magic Mall.

Because of the whole Islamic ‘wimmenz is subhuman’ and whatever, the Magic Mall is a cross between the Insane Clown Posse Mall, a daycare, and the “no men allowed”, leastways Kuwait/Ay-rab men.  Us ‘Muricans never caught flak for going in.  It had an amusement park, carnival rides, hell, even a roller coaster.  We got stuck outside of it for quite a spell in the traffic that day.

There was a whole pen of camels hemmed up in that parking lot too… Seeing’s the whole ‘festival atmosphere and whatnow, I started debating on bringing the X and Kinder over for a few months… I mean shit.  Free apartment, 4 bedrooms, total luxury, and a mall with Clowns, a roller coaster and camels?  (Mind you this was pre-my-ass-getting-chomped)  Sounds like good fambly fun!

So, as we’re sitting there, waiting in the sweltering heat, Haji the Camel Handler takes one of the Camels out of the pen… walks him over to the back of his Bongo Truck.  Mazda has a little utility Pickup called a Bongo… google it… so Haji the Camel Handler ties the lead to the back of the truck.  He then reaches into the bed and comes out with a ginormous sword/cleaver looking thing… one of the broads on the bus literally said “What’s going to happen to the camel?” when >WHOOOOSH<

Hackity Hackity, Whackity Whackity, Ole Joe literally got it in the neck.

Head pops off, and the blood positively jetted ALL over the side of our microbus…
Like OMFG… and I was thinking about bringing my kids here?

Oh Holy Hells No to the Fuck Nos.

One of the chicks on the bus started ralphing.. THAT put me off more than the blood let me tell yaTHAT took the final cake for me… locked in a microbus with puke and blood everywhere?

Good times, good times.

What was, to me, the hysterical part was the –other fucking camels still in the pen-  I could almost hear the dialog: “Oh holy shit!!! Jimmy just got his fucking head cut the fuck off!  Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!!!”  The looks on them other motherfuckin’ camel-faces were something to behold.

We were stuck there for about another 40 minutes.  Long enough to see “Jimmy” as I had dubbed him in my head-cartoon reduced to ribs, steaks and chops.  On our ride back, we went by the same area, and the camel population in the pen had been significantly reduced by Haji The Headchopping Camel Killer…
Seems for the Festivus, Joe Camel was most definitely on the menu.

Yeah…we sure as fuck ain’t them, and they sure as fuck ain’t us.
We should keep it that way
Knowutimsayin?
Hope You Enjoyed the Laugh or Two…
And BTW:  I’ve had plenty of revenge… 
Camel meat (when I can afford it) is on the menu here
Camel Tacos and Burgers anyone?

More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter
Big Country

7

Error happened.

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!

Figured I’s share here as well, well because it’s funny
Aesop took the original image over at raconteur used my pic for his poast “Too Soon” and made a pretty funny meme out of the pic I did of the dude falling from the C-17.  It’s here: https://raconteurreport.blogspot.com/2021/08/too-soon.html (And BTW Bro, WTF? seriously? You -still- don’t link my shithouse?  I got yers on at the top of the pile under AESOP.  How about a back scratch man?)Anyways…I had a few MOR memes about that particular shytteshow that I figure since I’m housecleaning… some of them are going to need explanation to the non-airborne folks tho, as they’re a bit more specific…

No explanation needed there Aye?

Anyone who’s ever played a vidyagame knows that one…

Lil story there… I kinda-sorta did 5 DotMil freefalls… that’s the requirement.

Problem: I had been out of the DotMil, medically retired, for 3 months when I got to jump.
I was a fucking civvie 

Now for those who want to throw the bullshit flag, let me explain.  When I finally got out, I was supposed to turn in my ID card.  I was getting medically retired, but it was at Fort Hood (and we’ve gone over just how fucked up  that particular place is before) and the GS doing the ID Card turn-in/retirement card issue was out sick the day I was leaving.  And man, I was leaving-leaving as in that motherfucking day  “Run Away!!! Run Away!!!”… I literally pulled up in a 24 foot moving van for my final out.  So the kid, and I mean kid, 18 year old private told me, “Ah hell Corporal, I don’t know how to run the machine to make a new card for you… why don’t you hold on to your current one, and use it til you can get to your home, and get the nearest base to do the ID swap for you.”

I was like (in my head) BONUS!

So, I had a valid military ID instead of a retiree card like I do now.  And mind you this was BEFORE the majority of shit was computerized… they were still hand-jamming paperwork.

What happened then was 3 months after I was out, my best bro of the time, who I ended up in Iraq with, Lil Country as he’s now known as, had finished parachute riggers school, and gotten posted to my Alma Mater, Fort Campbell.  He was on the 5th Special Forces Rigging team.  Needless to say, I went down for a long 4 day weekend.  Where he took it on himself to set up a Chinook for a day of free-fall “parachute testing” and yeah… they do that on the weekends, or used to legit.  Parachutes gotta be tested don’t you know… 

Since I had a valid ID, the proper uniform, (yeah I was still in shape) the beard and such was overlooked as it -was- 5th Group… Lil told everyone I was a new team member of the ‘dirty platoon’ which was and probably still is a group of operators no one questions, and has relaxed grooming standards…

So I got my 5 qualifying jumps.

We got caught though.  Lil was known not to work on weekends… especially long 4 day weekends, so the Group Sergeant Major showed up.  Wanted to know why Lil was working when normally, he was a slacker…  CSM, well, he didn’t recognize me, and maaaan I was shitting rabbit pellets up while Lil explained the scam, and up until until he started laughing his balls off I thought “I’m going to jail, I’m going to jail…” 

However, the CSM loved the scheming that we did to do it.  The CSM said it was some “real operator SF shit we pulled”… I got a free-fall certificate and group coin with my name engraved in the mail a few weeks after I went home… the note enclosed said he couldn’t get it on my 214, but that I was quall’d and that I was welcome back anytime…  I mailed him a bottle of his favorite bourbon as a thank you for not throwing me and Lil in prison… He was fucking awesome and so was that time… days of wine and roses indeed.So to continue:

Now, this one?Bit more to it if you weren’t DotMil or ABN.  ABN stands for “Airborne” meaning you jumped out of perfectly good aircraft for fun, prizes and jump pay if you were on full jump status with the 82nd or 173rd.  101st?  Notsomucho. 

The guys like me who only did the required 5? 
Usually derisively called a “5 Jump Chump”Mainly because it was officers who only got the wings to ‘punch the career checklist’So, this guy?  Yeeeeeeeeeah… 

And to close it out, The 82nd Airborne Chorus doing “Blood Upon The Risers”

No risers means no blood on ’emWhat a hell of a way to die…No shit Aye?More Later I Remain The Intrepid ReporterBig Country

Forgot the anniversary of the A-Bomb…

2

Error happened.

Greetings Me Droogs N Droogettes!

Cross-Poasting this One Here at Mike’s as some y’all don’t hit ‘mah house’ on the reg… so what the hell, I had to share…
Funny not funny this A.M.
Apparently the entirety of the Biden Admin has gone of Vacation.  (Permanent one would hope) while Affy fails and falls apart faaaaar worse than Saigon did.  Proof is in the puddin’ so to speak.  Now, the link here?  Tragic. BUT RTWT to get a handle on the scope of just how fucked up things are, and watch the embed vidya and try -not- to laugh:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9897561/ALL-Embassy-staff-Kabul-evacuated-airport-five-people-killed.html
Wow…Even in Saigon we didn’t have that happen
Those who didn’t go to the link, the pertinent pic that LOL’d me was this:

That’s a C-17 leaving…
the lil black dot) about an inch from the bottom?

One of three dudes who earned “lawn dart” status…
Talk about Airborne Desperation Aye?
Horrifying, but God Forgive me I LOL’d
Mainly b/c I’m former Airborne, and all I could think was “Ain’t no risers for blood to be on!” 
Man, that purely had to suck… you only see shit like that in the movies… but now?  It’s being broadcast everywhere but in the US.  Even FauxNews is saying that it’s “purportedly” “theoretically” that “Afghanis were clinging to aircraft as they taxied…” NOT that motherfuckers achieved lawn dart status and freefall wings. ZERO mention of that.

UGH

Seems the Haj were positively swarming the C-17’s as they rolled out.  The pics last night IF you could find them on any of our Ministry of Propaganda Organs that is (not!) showed chaos and terror… people beating on each other in shear terror trying to GTFO of Dodge…

Tell you what… The DHS is correct to ‘raise the terror alert’
BUT
For the wrong reasons.  It ain’t us Whypeepo who’re gonna be coming for them… Nope.
Fuckin Afghanis man, allllll them ‘terps who made it out, or anyone who made it out and had to leave someone beloved behind.  One thing I do know over there, man, the “Blood Feud” is literally like the finest wine to them… to be nurtured and savored… and Slo and the Ho, well, no wonder they’re in hiding

‘Cos that’s what it is… hiding.
They just fucked over a group of folks who really get a hard-on for Blood Feuding.
These tribal motherfuckers make the Hatfields and McCoys look like pikers.
Smartest thing that the American People could do is reach out to the Taliban, congratulate them on taking over (they did earn it) and then tell all them Jihad Motherfuckers that we had nothing to do with it and by the way, here’s the names and addys of all the members of the Administration.  Tell them to work their way from the bottom up… small fries to the big fish last so to speak…

Doxx them motherfuckers
Let the Jihadis go after the motherfuckers actually responsible for this shit.
NOT the average Joe and Jane Sixpack.
You want to strike at the Great Satan?
Go after the minor policy secretaries and aids…Start small
Leave the rest of us OUT OF IT.
WE ain’t had shit to do with this. 
WE weren’t consulted
WE ain’t had word one in our governing for quite a spell.  You want payback, go for the people responsible
‘Cos payback is a Bitch, Cold, Stone, Type: Many Each.
And these guys live and breathe payback.
More Later I Remain The Up Too Early Intrepid Reporter
Big Country

3

Error happened.

Greetings Gang!

Just the ole I.R., BCE jumping in. Figgered that me Host Mike has been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest, so I figgered on Jumping In and keep the party jumping. Not much going on ’round Casa El Grande Campesino… just trying to unfuck the unemployment sit-rep. Even the people at the bureaucracy at the Employment can’t figure out -why- I’m not getting paid. Go figure… the geniuses of “our” civil servants… IQ must be less than or equal to 70. Must be female or trans, and must be from a sub-Saharan country.

FML.

So, doing a blegg here at Mike’s, I’m not going to bore the hell out of you all. I did however through the gloriousness of Private Email, get a feed on something that I and y’all will prolly find interesting.

I find it that, and worrisome

So, seems that and according to all the sources I can find, NATO (the North Atlantic Treaty Organism, and yeah intentional misspelling) got a sign installed at Norfolk International Airport proclaiming that Norfolk is now part of NATO. Now, ordinarily? No BeeEffDee. Lots of ‘Commands’ allllll over the world and places that one would expect and NOT expect. Norfolk? What of it? BIG naval shipyard, and every single time there’s some North Atlantic Wargames, ALL the aligned DotMilNav tend to dock and party up and around.

Hell… true story. MomUnit said when they raised the Hunley in Charleston Harbor, and held the funeral for the “First Submariners” killed in action, something like every single country, outside of North Korea sent a sub into Charleston Harbor for the festivities. Told me that shit was lit like a motherfucker with all the bubbleheads drinking the Bowery dry… would have loved to have seen that… anywho.

Not uncommon for our ‘theoretical allies’ to be ‘in town’ or ‘representing’. What is unusual is that in October of 2020, we put up signs welcoming them. OK, fine, no biggie. Then in July of this year:

‘Scuse me?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

“By: Web StaffPosted at 9:56 AM, Jul 15, 2021 

NORFOLK, Va. – NATO’s newest headquarters is now fully operational in Norfolk.

Joint Force Command Norfolk, has reached Full Operational Capability (FOC) and held a ceremony on Thursday at 10 a.m., to mark the occasion.

This new command is part of the allied command operations structure, the Navy said. It will provide a United States-led, joint multi-national operational command, supported by component, Allied and partner commands, responsible for the North Atlantic and the High North.

Its mission is to protect the Strategic Lines of Communication across all domains, and enable the reinforcement of Europe, according to the Navy.”

OK… did we all miss a meeting or something? I mean last time I looked, we –might– have foreign advisors temporarily attached to our DotMil, or OUR guys attached to another locale, but a “Joint” command? What the fuck over? NOT what I ever expected. See, as a DotMil, the rules of the game are that in foreign countries, we advise, assist, but in no way, unless it’s where the ‘host country’ is more fucked up than a Football Bat, does there ever get a point where the ‘visitors’ get carte blanche on the ‘home team’s’ DotMil.

Now?

I ain’t so sure. Especially in light of the ‘who’ the ‘visiting team’ is from so to speak. Seems that the head of NATO currently? At least the DotMil arm of ‘rape and pillage’ NATO? Well, that’d be General Philippe Lavigne, one of France’s big wheels so to speak. Currently in charge of the French Air and Space Force (LOLZ, get the fuck outta here!) as the French Air and Space Force Chief of Staff. He’s been now nominated to the post of Supreme Allied Commander Transformation. Meaning this frog motherfucker is going to be Numero Uno NATO wise in the Estates Uni…

Why is my Spidey Sense tingling?

Now, they can ‘blow all the happy smoke’ they want up our fourth point of contact, but man, NATO Troops… on US Soil… with overall joint command of both US AND NATO forces? They can try and sell it that this’s a strictly DotMilNav thing, but we ALL know how that particular song and dance goes these days. Remember kids, “Just 15 days to flatten the curve” equates to “NATO Troops will only being assisting in civil disturbances temporarily” Not a far jump to that Aye?

Add on how the Frog DotMil has been called out over the scamdemic to crush the protests on numerous occasions it means that Froggy the Admiral probably has less than a hesitancy to unleash his Congolese or Nigerian Armed Forces here in the States IF and WHEN the need arises. It also give Slo, Hoe, and the Gin Hag ‘clean hands’ when it comes to the nut-cuttin’. “We disavow any actions taken against our glorious and helpful allied DotMil troops…”

Yeah, not that I’m overly worried, BUT the fact remains that Slo and The Hoe and the Gin Hag signed off on this particular shytteshow? I mean it’s been in progress since 2018, but at the same time, seeings that Orange Man Bad was in the dark about lo oh so many things somehow I don’t think his Orangeness was made aware of these particular shenanigans.

Yeah… might get ‘sporty’ soon

I hope

So, things to think on.

More Later I Remain The Intrepid Reporter

Big Country

4

Error happened.