Inundated, overwhelmed

Got discharged from the hospital/rehab center on Wednesday afternoon, finally dragged my sorry butt over to the trusty iMac in dread of what I knew I was gonna see awaiting me, and sure enough there it was: over 1200 emails sitting in my inbox, not including the thousands already caught in the spam trap.

YIKES!

So after a cpl/three minutes of rueful shaking of the head I just said to hell with it, highlighted the first in the “unread” queue, hit “command-A” to Select All, and flushed ‘em away into the ether with nary a backward glance. Hope to God there was nothing important in there; if there was and you truly do need to get in touch with me for some reason, I suggest you give me another day or so to continue catching up around here (good LORD, the ziggurat of dirty laundry staring me in the face!) and then try again.

Many thanks to CF Lifer Barry, who was kind enough to spend a few hours with me in Hospital Durance Vile that first week, as well as my good friend the pulchritudinous and delightfully acerbic Ms Sarcastica, who sent me a lovely email expressing her heartfelt condolences yestiddy. Don’t know where I’d be without people like you, you make this whole painful blog-slog worthwhile.

Got a PayPal issue I need to sort out, thanks to some asswipe breaking in and fraudulently billing my now-defunct ATM card 50-some-odd Euros for some stupid video game crap I never heard of before. Also, there’s an odiferous something lurking in one or more of the Tupperware containers in the fridge I gotta look into, as well as the aforementioned Everest of laundry just sitting there…waiting. Le sigh.

Requiescat in Pace (see update post below from Big Country!)

Odds are looking pretty hefty that Ye Aulde Colde Furye Blogge will be closing the doors for good sometime over the next week (note on that – see note at bottom of post), as I make ready to go into the hospital for more ceremonial lopping off of body parts. There have been some pretty gruesome medical developments along those lines in recent weeks, with things coming to what you might call a head over the last three days—wherein I fell out of my wheelchair, hit the floor, and could’t haul myself back up again, thereby necessitating a 911 call to have EMS send a cpl-three stout fellows with the wherewithal to pick my sorry ass up and put me back in the chair.

This whole sad rotation not once but twice, just the night before last. Believe me when I tell you that the humiliation was AWFUL.

So anyways, yeah—I figger the remaining four toes on the right foot are beyond salvage, which I don’t so much mind; good riddance, and right straight to hell with ye. I’d like to be able to save at least some part of the foot itself, but my expectations aren’t high on thst score either.

Since my left leg was whacked and tossed into the hospital incinerator four-five years ago (along with my all time favorite tattoo, my Naughty Nun on L Outside Claf, Bottom inked by my close friend of many years standing, Erroll Engelbrecht of Raleigh’s Blue FlameTatttoo), I’ve known the day when Mr Right Leg would kpon Mr Left Leg was more a matter of if than when.

And now, well, here we all are, drat the dratted luck.

Thanks to one of my oldest and closest friends, who generously gave me a MacBook Pro a few months back, I won’t necessarily be out of the blog-loop entirely. Probably best not to get any hopes up too high out there though, given the copious quantities of morphine, fentanyl, and (my personal fave) Ocycodone they had me jacked up on last time I had to go through this shit. Update as and when, folks. For the nonce, that is all, as you were.

Update! Apart from being, well, macabre, I think one of my personal favorite Chopin pieces fits in pretty well at this dismal juncture.

ALSO: big hearted ol’ rapscallions that they are, Barry, SteveF, and kennycan have come up with a perfidious scheme to keep Ye Aulde Colde Furye Blogge up and running, at least temporarily.

Update! BCE’s post is here.

The latest from Monday, May 6 – Mike has been moved to the rehab center within the same complex. Mike is going to have a long road ahead dealing with the loss of the second leg… We’ll start a fund to help defray some of his expenses asap.

Publick notice

Y’all may or may not notice, but I just implemented a CSS tweak which should—SHOULD—make all links display in boldface site-wide, as well as the regular old blue color. Had a few of y’all older-eyes types complain after the yearly switch-over from Scrooge Picard to the Angry Guy theme about not being able to see the links too good, so hopefully this will help a little with that. Shouldn’t be too terribly intrusive otherwise, I don’t think. That is all, as you were.

Say it ain’t so, Frodo!

Our pal Midwest Chick posts a meme that reminded me of one of the very first entries in my “Greatest Hits” collection which I haven’t looked at in a VERY long time now. It’s a satirical piece I put together way before the Babylon Bee was even a twinkle in the esteemed and estimable Seth Dillon’s pants. A wee dram:

ICC and the Dark Lord
Frodo Lives!

From The Guardian (ahem):

Frodo Baggins Charged With War Crimes

Frodo Baggins of Bagshot Row, Hobbiton, The Shire, Middle Earth, has been called before the International Criminal Court to answer charges of war crimes brought by Sauron the Dark Lord and Saruman the White in a joint filing.

Baggins refused comment on the matter from his home at Bag End, simply moaning and holding his head. But his former valet and gardener (now mayor of Hobbiton) Samwise Gamgee spoke with reporters from his “bit of garden,” saying that “you people ought to know better, coming here bothering my master and trampling my taters and all. This is just about the dumbest thing I’ve heard of since Master Merry and Master Pippin started up that Broadway show of theirs. That didn’t work out so well, either, but all’s well as ends better, as my Gaffer used to say.” Gamgee was referring to the spectacular failure of “Mount Doom – the Musical,” which debuted on Broadway last year and closed the same night, bankrupting its producers and principal investors Meriadoc Brandybuck of Buckland and Peregrine Took of the Tookland, both in the Shire.

The charges brought by Sauron and Saruman are serious and were commented on at length by the Dark Lord himself at a press conference held after he delivered the formal papers to the Court. As a full signatory to the Court’s original charter, Sauron is legally entitled to bring charges before the Court, and the Court’s decision will be binding on Mr. Baggins, per the charter establishing the authority of the Court over the entire world, whether the particular defendant lives in a member country or not. The Shire has repeatedly refused to ratify a proposal to join the Court; the proposal has languished in the legislature, bogged down by stalling tactics employed by right-wing and unilateralist legislators intent on blocking it. Gondor and Rohan have likewise not joined the ICC, for similar obstructionist reasons.

“Mr.Baggins is guilty of some of the most egregious violations of International Law as expressed in the Court’s founding documents and must be brought to answer for his inhumane actions,” Sauron said from the cardboard box behind the Emyn Muil 7-11 he’s been living in since the scandalous and irresponsible destruction of Sauron’s Ruling Ring brought about the downfall of his Empire several years ago. “He’s obviously guilty of violating several provisions of Article 8, Section 2, especially the ‘outrage against personal dignity’ clause and the ‘excessive incidental death, injury or damage’ clause. When the armies of the Western Alliance marched up to the Black Gate, they were guilty of making illegal aggressive war against a sovereign nation. Our legal team plans to bring separate suits against Aragorn son of Arathorn, the Elfstone King Elessar of Gondor. Also King Eomer of the Riddermark and Elrond Halfelven of Rivendell. But we chose to pursue the suit against Baggins first, since his was the most damaging and egregious crime.”

Those of y’all who have been out of knee britches for a while will no doubt remember the foofaraw over the establishment of the UN’s so-called “International Criminal Court,” which provided the inspiration for my Frodo On Trial post—which turned out to be wildly popular, garnering links from outlets as far afield as NRO, WSJ, and pretty much everybody else you can think of. MC’s MiQ (Meme in Question):

Heh. Great minds…

Oh frabjous day!

After receiving a cpl-three emails lamenting the dumping of comments here, I’ve decided that, at least for my next few posts anyway, comments will be reinstated. We’ll see how it works out; at the first hint of any ill-intentioned foreign national trying to exploit the gaping hole comments leave in a WP blog’s security, I’ll shut ‘em down again with a quickness. For the nonce though, disport yourselves as you will. Do bear in mind, please, the CF Comments Policy injunction against personal insults, wanton disrespect of other commenters, etc.

Gotta put the Comments Policy itself back up in the left sidebar too, I suppose, which I’ll get around to anon. I strongly urge everyone to read it in full again, so as not to run afoul of it inadvertently; I’d allowed things to get somewhat out of hand here, which I realized after this latest wave of attacks rolled in.

Update! Promise made, promise kept: the CF Comments Policy has likewise been reinstated, perusable in the left sidebar above the CF Glossary and below Ye Aulde CF Blogrolle. As burger-boy Brad once famously said:


Publick Notice…AGAIN

Hoo-kay, I’ve implemented all the fixes, adjustments, and work-arounds recommended by the Entirely Digital folks, and everything appears to be clean, tight, and functional, at least for the nonce. One decision I’ve reached which I know some of y’all ain’t gonna cotton to: comments for new posts will remain disabled, excepting of course for the Donnybrook, for which comments are the reason it came to be in the first place.

Thing is, it’s a well-known fact that the primary security hole for any blog is an open-comments section; word is that it’s an even bigger problem for WP blogs, and then plugins are a whole ‘nother issue in and of themselves. Seeing as how the way I had things set up until last week’s serial attacks used no less than five (5) comments-related plugins, it makes way more sense to me right now to just say hell with it and do away with the whole kit and kaboodle in one fell swoop.

I expect this to be a wildly unpopular move, and I hate that, I truly do. Probably gonna cost me a fair few readers, even. But it’s just the way it’s gotta be, at least for now. After I’m completely confident the dust has well and truly settled around here, well, we’ll see what’s what. As I remarked to one of my ED tech-support correspondents the other day, somebody out there must really have it in for me, BAD. Can’t imagine why; I’m actually a pretty nice guy once you get to know me.

PITA Update! Okay, THAT was way more hassle than it shoulda been, I must say. I think I’ve gotten everything working the way I want it to now, all things considered. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Publick Notice

Still bogged down with futzing around trying to get things back to whatever normal around here amounts to: deleting plugins, widgets, and themes I haven’t used in years, adding new, improved ones, and related activities. As such, there may or may not be an Eyrie post tonight, we’ll see. If I do find time and energy to do one, it’s likely to be short and sweet. That is all; as you were.

Under attack

Most of you have probably noticed by now that, thanks to malefactor(s) as yet unknown, the site has been up and down over the last couple of days. The hosting company, Entirely Digital, is working on the problem now, and for my part I’ve changed my passwords, disabled comments on new posts, and deactivated all plugins for the time being. I suggest that those of you who have user accounts here change your own passwords too; may not help much with this particular issue, but what the hell, it’s just good practice regardless of what might be going on around here. More info as and when things develop, sorry for the hassles and headaches.

New (old) feature

Just implemented over in the left sidebar immediately below Ye Aulde CF Blogrolle, something I used to have years back that somehow got lost in the shuffle, what with this, that, and the other: the CF Glossary section, wherein some of the sassy, snappy terminology I use quite a bit around these h’yar parts is explicated and/or defined.

Like, wow

DAY-UMMM! Yesterday’s Eyrie offering, Grim fairy tale, has, according to the regular 24-hour-statistics email from Substack, simply obliterated all previous records with an astounding 744 views! Usually it runs around 250-300 hits before topping out at maybe 350 or thereabouts. Got no idea what it might have been, but I must’ve done something right with this one. A crap-ton of new free subscribers came in over the transom yestiddy and today as well. So I got that going for me, as Bill Murray once said.

Great movie, great character, great line. Seen that flick so many times I can recite pretty much the whole script from memory at this point, line by line by line. I assure you all that I am in no way joking or stretching the truth here; stand still for long enough and I’m just liable to prove it to ya, in fact.

Update! Ahhh, I believe I just found the explanation for the sudden Eyrie influx: WRSA kindly threw me a little linky-love. Thanks so much to my good friend CA for the boost.

Updated update! Don’t believe me? Get a load of this screen-grab from said Substack e-mail missive, then.

Hey, I freely admit it, I find this pretty darned exciting.

Update to the updated update! Just for shits and giggles I moseyed over to my Substack CP to see what we’re up to now, if only for curiosity’s sake and nothing else: 825 views as of right this very minute. Apparently, dem WRSA links are the gift that just keeps on giving. Thanks again, CA!

Updates, forsooth! Now this is kinda curious:

EyrieStats 2.

Only 7% from WRSA? That can’t possibly be right. No way did such a huge uptick in hits derive from the same-old same-old ratio; the above traffic-source percentages are in line with what they normally are. Makes no sense to me, it’s too weird. Oh well, heck with it. It’s late, I’m tired, and ain’t up to researching this seeming anomaly further tonight.

Publick Notice

Well, blast it, got Angry Guy restored in a relative jiffy, although for some bizarre reason Brave on the trusty iMac refuses to acknowledge the color-shift in the blockquote side-border from holiday green back to dark blue. On my sail foam said blockquote border is orange, can’t figure out why. Safari, which I practically never use, displays everything as it should be, so what the hell—damn the damn torpedos, group down and all ahead full for the nonce.

The other thing is, I failed to record the old colors for text, header backgrounds, links and/or hovers, and such-like and am therefore having to basically resort to the SWAG method as to what those might have been, with no better than so-so results. Some of it is…ehhh, fairly close, some of it…ehhh, not so much. Oh well, I’ll keep playing around until I get the place to where I can stand the sight of it. Feel free to offer your own yays, nays, and oh HELL noes in the comments section, of course and as always.

Update! HA! After multiple reloads, Option-reloads, and deletion of cookies and/or caches, Brave finally decided to straighten up and fly right. So, y’know, I got THAT going for me.

Season’s greetings

Not midnight yet, of course, but I didn’t want to let it get by me without wishing all y’all fine folks—CF Lifers and noobs alike, active participants, lurkers, and looky-loos—the happiest of New Years. May God bless you all; may Lady Fortuna smile upon you and yours; and may the wind be ever at your backs in the year to come.

In years past it’s been my custom to follow the Presley Rule with dear old Scrooge Picard. See, Elvis seriously loved himself some Christmas, so at Graceland every year he directed that the tree, lights, and decorations be left up all the way to January 8th, which was his birthday, so as to savor all the joy and comfort he could from the most wonderful time of the year.

I liked that idea pretty well myself when I read about it ages ago (is there anything more depressing than the day the lights, wreaths, and other such all come down and go back into storage and the tree goes out to the curb? My late wife Christiana, another Christmas kitten herself, used to literally burst into tears when we drove past all the discarded trees by the side of the road, bless her big, beautiful heart).

Sadly, my own birthday being not till February 5th, hewing to the underlying principle of the Presley Rule was simply out of the question, particularly back in the days when I could still afford to buy a live tree and still had the physical wherewithal to saw off the bottom part and rassle that bad boy into the tree stand. So I contented myself with a January 8th takedown date as well, which still made me a crazy freak in the neighbors’ eyes, probably.

This year, though, I’m thinking we’ll bid adieu for the nonce to Scrooge Picard and revert to the standard blue-on-blue Angry Guy arrangement at the end of this week. What the heck, I did put him up earlier than usual this year, so a likewise early exit seems at least somewhat appropriate. As always, expect problems during the changeover.

Update! Here’s what an old softie my Christiana was: one year, we went to the nearby garden center and purchased a live Fraser Fir a cpl-three months before December thinking we’d plant it, let it grow a while, then cut it down to use for that year’s Christmas tree. But, when December rolled around at last, she just couldn’t bring herself to have me chop the flourishing little tree down and bring it into the house! So we ended up buying a Christmas tree from the Methodist church close to us that year after all. Been a goodish while since I rode by our old Coulwood crib, but last time I did that no-longer-little Fraser Fir was still in the front yard, all fat and happy.

Here’s what CLT was like in those days: at said church and a fair few other places, the whole thing was done on the honor system: no attendant; each tree had a price tag tied to a limb; you picked out the one you liked, put the cash through a slot in a little cardboard box hung on the church’s side-door for the purpose, tied your tree to the car roof, and took it on home to be trimmed.

These days, the trees would all be gone the first night; the church’s cash-box would be empty; and everybody would be just shit out of luck, basically. Well, except for the tree-jackers who unloaded their stolen booty for a tidy profit back at the Section 8 ghetto-apartment complex that’d been hurriedly thrown together about two miles up the road from our house.

So bad did things get in the vicinity of those Darktown apartments that the little convenience store/gas station across the street—which Mount Hollians had been stopping at unmolested to grab gas, beer, and smokes for many years—quickly became a menacing, extreme-risk environment no sane, unarmed White person dared to even pull into at night. Nope, after the Section 8 complex went up you’d stomp the gas pedal to the floor and get the hell outta there just as fast as you could. After midnight you might slow down for the red light at the intersection if you were feeling especially bold, but no way would you come to a full stop and wait for it to go green. Not if you knew what was good for you, you didn’t.

The store’s parking area was veritably carpeted with shattered Colt 45 malt-liquor bottles, OE 800 cans, candy bar wrappers, chip bags, and empty Newport packs; the lot was packed with pimped-out Buricks, Caddies, and Lincolns, doors open wide, rap “music” thundering at chest-rattling volume from expensive subwoofers in the trunks. Inside, outside, and all around the store would be in full Chimp-Out mode, leering, jibber-jabbering Feral yoots with pants sagging to their knees and their twerking “ladies” all partyin’ hearty, yo!

The convenience store has long since gone out of business by now, I imagine, maybe even burned to the ground—leaving another “food desert” where once a tidy, well-kept place of business had stood. You damned RAYCISS© muffugizz!! ’N’ sheeit.

Testing, testing

Aiight, as promised last night, I downloaded a fresh copy of MarsEdit 5.3, complete with Daniel’s repairs/edits/tweaks. Unpacked it, launched it, and Bob’s your uncle! She’s purring like a newborn kitten on Mama’s teat now—in fact, I’m using 5.3 to compose and publish this very post. Thanks again, Daniel, you da Man for sure!

Publick Notice

For some strange reason, I have been inundated with spam emails today—well over a thousand so far, and counting—forcing me to interrupt what of right ought to be prime blogging time so as to rid myself of the pestilential things.

Also, the MarsEdit v5.3 update dropped yestiddy, so naturally I hit “Download and install” with a quickness, only to find that the blasted thing refused to launch on the trusty iMac, who knows why. The Dock icon would bounce three (3) times in the ordinary manner, then come to a screeching halt and sit there still and lifeless as a dried-white dog turd on an Arizona blacktop in late July. Then the customary nag box popped up: “This software may not be compatible with your current MacOS version.” Which, I’d already checked that before I ever even ran the updater, of course.

Lather, rinse, repeat, far too many times for my own good, always with the same dismaying result. I firmly resisted deleting the ME Preferences file, seeing as how I’d expended a great deal of effort setting up a shitload of custom keystrokes and/or macros therein—probably the single MarsEdit feature I love most, and make use of constantly. I really, REALLY didn’t want to lose my heavily-customized ME setup only to have to do it all over again, as I figgered a clean-reinstall would require of me. Yessir, I was up a tree but good on this one.

After spending waaay too long last night searching the remotest nooks and crannies of the Mac-software Innarnuts for a full-version download of ME 5.2.6, the hassle-free version I’d been running for quite a while now, I finally (FINALLY!) found it at the venerable MacUpdate site, DL’d and decompressed the little beastie, dumped it into the Applications folder, and viola! Back to fair winds and following seas with the best third-party WP editor of all time for me, like I’ve long since come to rely on.

In the throes of last night’s grief and angst, I emailed my buddy Daniel of Red Sweater Software, the creator/purveyor/sole proprietor of MarsEdit, whereupon we back and forth’d for a spell trying to ascertain what the blue blazes might be going on here. He asked me to reinstall 5.3 and try it again, having done a little code-fu on it in the interim to get things straightened out for me. Naturally, I promised to do so tomorrow, and to let him know what happens with a full AAR.

As I’ve said before here of Daniel, such prompt, friendly, hands-on customer service/tech support is a rara avis indeed nowadays, in any field of endeavor. After all, it ain’t as if the poor fella doesn’t have more than enough to occupy his time, his mind, and his hands already—during Christmas week, no less (or Hanukkah, as the case may be, having never had occasion to inquire of his religious affiliation, if any). Red Sweater Software, see, is by way of being a sideline for him, something he does more for personal enjoyment than anything else; he works a full time day-job in addition to dreaming up, creating, and de-bugging all kinds of cool software applications, bless his no doubt exhausted, stressed-out heart.

Once more, my utmost gratitude goes out to Daniel, for all he does.

Update! Jeezum H CROW, sixty more spam emails over the transom while I was putting this post together. What the actual fuck…?!?

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