To wit: Do they A) fear us, and are just stupid fucking morons, or do they B) hold us in contempt, and are just flinging shit directly into our faces for the sheer fun of it? I report, you deride.

Secret Service director gives bizarre reason why an agent wasn’t on the roof where gunman Thomas Matthew Crooks opened fire on Trump as she rejects calls to resign
Embattled Secret Service head Kimberly Cheatle has revealed the fateful and bizarre reason why her agency failed to put an agent on the roof gunman Thomas Matthew Crooks used to carry out an assassination attempt on Donald Trump.

Cheatle, who is facing calls to resign over the massive security failure, said Secret Service officials planning security for Trump’s rally in Butler, Pennsylvania considered the warehouse 147 yards away from where Trump spoke to be a risky position for stationing an agent.

“Too risky,” y’unnerstand, because of this fearsome *shudder* “slope” to the roof—a slope which bothered our youthful assassin not one iota, but apparently is simply too dangerous for a blubberous Girlboss to handle without placing her rolls of neck-flab at mortal hazard.

Yep, that’s awfully gosh darned scary alright; I’d hate to try skiiing it, that’s for sure and certain. In fact, I’d bet everyone reading this is gonna have bad dreams just from seeing a picture of it, and not just for a single night either.

Okay, okay, okay, here’s the real deal: I slid down WAY more “vicious” slopes sitting on a piece of cardboard shared betwixt the neighborhood kids when I was still in knee-britches. Laughing all the way HA-HA-HA too, as the old song says. Yet somehow or other we all survived, incredible as it may seem. Apparently, we were all made of much sterner stuff at 7 years old than any modern-day Girlboss SS agent. I dunno, make of it what you will.

Chilling new details have revealed that a team of local police snipers were inside the building when the 20-year-old Crooks opened fire, shot Trump in the ear and killed a member of the rally crowd.

INSIDE the building when, as Ace notes, their primary purpose and function is to be able to identify, engage, and eliminate threats at distance, not in the same fucking room with them. Nota very fucking bene also that 1) we for goddamned sure need ourselves a new SS director, 2) I am willing to work cheap, and 3) have just now established beyond all possible doubt I could do a much, MUCH better job of it than this Kim Choadle bimbette has.

Crooks managed to evade cops and Secret Service three times, even though he had been deemed ‘suspicious’ and could have been on the roof for up to 30 minutes before he pulled the trigger.

Witnesses also begged law enforcement to act when they saw him clamber onto the roof with his AR-style rifle, but the lapse in security meant he was able to carry out his bid to take the 45th president’s life.

“Evade,” is it? How sure of that ARE we, really?

Of course, Msrszxx Director Kimberly “Pronouns Undetermined” Cheatle doesn’t actually believe any of the intelligence-insulting flapdoodle she’s emitting, you know; fact is, she made it all up out of her own oblated head herself on the spur of the moment and (up)chucked it out purely for her own personal amusement, as indicated by her firm refusal to do the decent thing and resign her position in disgrace. SHE doesn’t believe it, her own overseers don’t, and not a one of them cares whether YOU do, obviously, nor if anybody else does. That tell you anything, p’raps possibly? Because if you ask me, it damned well ought to.

Back over to the AoSHQ post for the sad, sorry denouement.

No…125 meters is not a long shot. If you’re going to be a shooter that’s a free throw. Yes I’m aware a lot of gun owners couldn’t hit a 4″ plate with 4 tries but I don’t care my point stands.

Yes the secret service looked like shit on a stick. Sure they worked hard to get hired. Sure they try. Sure they passed all the tests. Still had a massive failure and looked like hot butter shit and I’m ashamed we as a country look like THAT at a critical moment. And I’m going to rail them harder than Ginger Lynn for that embarrassment of a shit show. And I’m not going to pretend better, bigger more physically qualified people were probably not offered the job for “reasons”.

I have eyes.

We are for damn lucky a 20 year old used a garbage rod and choked on mom’s spaghetti because the chick in charge of the SS sucks and put the C-team on the biggest target in political history. Only to have body positive diversity hire DUCK OUT OF THE GOD DAMN WAY at the critical moment and then couldn’t holster her gun through her fat roll!!! And I’m supposed to be proud of this? I’m supposed to think this was a good and professional operation? This was well planned and organized by the one chick who’s one job it is to make sure this doesn’t happen?

That’s what I’m to accept? That’s where we are? That THIS is the best we can do? The best we have? The best protection we can give to the one guy the world all knows is the biggest target in 2024 in politics?

And the after action report we just got was fucking mission accomplished? Really? Everybody in charge just slaps each other on the back, says “good job” and we go back to hoping the next guy uses a Century Arms CETME???

We all make fun of the fat bubbas who can’t get to their holster through their gut and thinks he’s going to be a super soldier in CW2 The Electric Boogaloo, but I’m supposed to not notice the chicks fupa is maybe an issue in doing her duty as a god damn Secret Service agent?!?

Excellent questions all, and extremely depressing ones to have to be asking ourselves as well.

Update! Further, and worserer, details.

I repeat: stinks, all to hell and gone. Better be checking six continually, President Trump, sir—head on a swivel, total SA. Another urgent recommendation: consider private security, assuming you haven’t already hired some.

Updated update! Mission Improbable.

Scooped a bunch more related good ‘uns from WRSA tonight, which I’m saving up for tomorrow’s edition of Memezapoppin’!

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