Ironically enough, I found this website via a cat.
WHO ARE WE?
The Birds Aren’t Real movement has been active since 1976. Once a preventative cause, our initial goal was to stop the genocide of real birds. Unfortunately this was unsuccessful, and the government has since replaced every living bird with robotic replicas. Now our movement’s prerogative is to make everyone aware of this fact.
Stop laughing, dammit, this is some serious shit here. From the FAQ section:
1. WHAT IS THIS MOVEMENT’S PURPOSE?
The Birds Aren’t Real movement exists to spread awareness that the U.S. Government genocided over 12 Billion birds from 1959-2001, and replaced these birds with surveillance drone replicas, which still watch us every day. Once a preventative cause, our initial goal was to stop the forced extinction of real birds. Unfortunately this was unsuccessful, and the government has since replaced every living bird with robotic replicas. Now our movement’s prerogative is to make everyone aware of this fact.2. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘BIRDS AREN’T REAL’?
The term “Birds Aren’t Real” refers to biological “Birds” no longer existing on United States soil. After the government forcibly made the entire species extinct in the 20th century, all of these real birds were replaced with surveillance drones designed to look just like Birds. To simplify- Birds no longer exist in the U.S. as a biological lifeform, thus, Birds Aren’t Real!7. WHERE DID ALL THE DEAD BIRDS GO? WOULDN’T PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THEM?
Within the BAR Movement, it is common knowledge that the government killed 12 billion birds before 2001 by releasing a virus that only affected the Bird species. After the bioweapon was sprayed down from B52 bombers, the virus spread throughout all birds like wildfire, and made them all sick. The virus was designed to slowly disintegrate the birds, a form of advanced leprosy. This is why there weren’t 12 billion birds littering the ground of the nation as their robot counterparts were released into the public- they were disintegrated into dust- blown away with the wind. For every bird disintegrated by the virus, a robotic replica was put in its place.
Okay, okay, sounds crazy, I know. But at this late date, can we safely assume that there’s anything this evil, deceitful government wouldn’t do, or at least try to do? Anything at all? From the aforementioned cat via which etc:
the author(s) were for a long time so assiduous about never breaking character that i had no idea if they really believed this or it was just an awesome, epic troll that had become a nice business selling hilarious merch. the dude literally drove around in a van with a radio dish on top and “wake up: birds aren’t real. they charge on power lines” written on the side.
how do you not love this guy?
How indeed. Read the rest of it—especially the part in which El Gato Malo investigates the sordid link between “Justin” Trudeau, his roundheels Starfucker mom, and Papa Fidel—and just be glad that both Bad Cats and their Fake Bird, umm, friends are with us, in every sense of the words.
Oh, and that BAR merch is indeed hilarious, just like the Cat says.
Update! Birds Aren’t Real and Bad Cattitude duly bookmarked and blogrolled. Actually, I subscribed to the Cat’s Substack page a while back, and wholeheartedly recommend it.
Missile robot:
One of those surveillance drones:
Heh. The watcher, watched.