Cold Fury

Harshing your mellow since 9/01


Oh good God.

FTC Suspects Chuck E. Cheese of Marketing to Children
The eagle-eyed regulators at the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) have a sneaking suspicion that a company offering disgusting pizza, animatronic human-sized mice, and a ball pit may be trying to appeal to children. Or rather, their marketing (the slogan was “Chuck E. Cheese: Where a Kid Can Be a Kid!” last time I checked) may inappropriately appeal to children.

A spokesman for the commission reassuringly told AdAge:

“We are not proposing any regulation.”

But Chuck E. Cheese is one of 44 marketers who received an “order to file special report” three years ago. The chain, or rather its parents company CEC Entertainment, has now been subpoenaed so that the commission can check up on how that whole voluntary industry self-regulation thing is going. The FTC is just trying to be “supportive” of those self-regulation efforts, you see. Other companies caught in the net include Yum Brands, Wendy’s, Sunkist, Red Bull, and Chiquita.

From layman’s prespective it’s not entirely clear how much self-regulation would satisfy the FTC in the case of the animatronic mouse, since the whole model of Chuck E. Cheese seems to be built on getting kids to whine and complain until their parents take them there—along with 10 of their closest friends—for an afternoon of plastic and cheese fueled mania.

As the proctologist said, there’s just no end to these assholes.


5 thoughts on “SAVE THE CHILDREN!

  1. This strikes me as a case where a hearty Prithee, Milords, Go Thou And Intercourse Thyself to the FTC is exactly the right response. But what are the odds?

  2. Your Honor, The prosecution rests it’s case with this last piece of evidence on the criminality of the bureaucrats of the Federal Government. We ask for a directed verdict of guilty and immedidate cesase and desist order imposed on the defendent. We also ask for a full dismemberment of the crinimal enterprise and total reimbursement compensation for the Plantiff – the American Taxpayer.

  3. I’m starting to hear echoes of Patton’s greatest speeches in my head every time I see an article on what our current government is doing, and not in a good way.

    “We’re going to rip out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks!”

    Should I take a vacation from politics? Can any of us afford to?

Comments are closed.



"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." – Claire Wolfe, 101 Things to Do 'Til the Revolution

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