{"id":7212,"date":"2022-08-17T17:13:25","date_gmt":"2022-08-17T21:13:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/?p=7212"},"modified":"2022-08-17T17:30:29","modified_gmt":"2022-08-17T21:30:29","slug":"slut-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/slut-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Slut life"},"content":{"rendered":"

A story that’s about much more than just sex.<\/p>\n

I Regret Being A Slut<\/strong><\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Hey, I didn’t say it wasn’t about sex at all, <\/em>y’know. Onwards.<\/p>\n

I was first inspired to write this piece when a 19-year-old woman I used to wait tables with asked me: \u201cBridget, have you ever regretted having sex with a man?\u201d<\/p>\n

I laughed. \u201cYeah. All of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not entirely true. There was my first love in high school. And my first husband. But if I\u2019m honest with myself, of the dozens of men I\u2019ve been with (at least the ones I remember), I can only think of a handful I don\u2019t regret. The rest I would put in the category of \u201ccasual,\u201d which I would define as sex that is either meaningless or mediocre (or both). If I get\u00a0really\u00a0<\/em>honest with myself, I\u2019d say most of these usually drunken encounters left me feeling empty and demoralized. And worthless.<\/p>\n

I wouldn\u2019t have said that at the time, though. At the time, I would have told you I was \u201cliberated\u201d even while I tried to drink away the sick feeling of rejection when my most recent hook-up didn\u2019t call me back. At the time, I would have said one-night stands made me feel \u201cemboldened.\u201d But in reality, I was using sex like a drug; trying unsuccessfully to fill a hole inside me with men. (Pun intended.)<\/p>\n

I know regretting most of my sexual encounters is not something a sex-positive feminist who used to write a column for\u00a0Playboy\u00a0<\/em>is supposed to admit. And for years, I didn\u2019t. Let me be clear, being a \u201cslut\u201d and sleeping with a lot of men is not the only behavior I regret. Even more damaging was what I told myself in order to justify the fact that I was disposable to these men: I told myself I didn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t care when a man ghosted me. I didn\u2019t care when he left in the middle of the night or hinted that he wanted me to leave. The walks of shame. The blackouts. The anxiety.<\/p>\n

The lie I told myself for decades was: I\u2019m not in pain\u2014I\u2019m empowered.<\/p>\n

I lost my virginity at 17 to my boss at a restaurant where I worked. And a year later, I experienced my first\u00a0sexual trauma<\/a>. I felt damaged and dirty and I blamed myself. Everyone responds differently to these situations\u2014I dealt with the overwhelming shame by becoming hyper-sexual and promiscuous.<\/p>\n

The Culture was right there to pick me up and dust me off. I doubled down on being a proud slut and internalized the biggest and most damaging lie: that loveless sex is empowering. I basked in the girl-power glow of that delusion for decades, weaponizing my sexuality while convincing myself I was full of the divine feminine.<\/p>\n

I was full of shit.<\/p>\n

I told myself that because I could seduce a man, I was powerful. But as Perry says in her book, \u201c…women can all too easily fail to recognize that being desired is not the same thing as being held in high esteem.\u201d Deep down inside, I knew that to be the case. But as a defense mechanism, I crafted a man-eater persona. My mantras were rigid.<\/p>\n