{"id":28790,"date":"2026-06-18T02:28:41","date_gmt":"2026-06-18T06:28:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/?p=28790"},"modified":"2026-06-18T02:31:43","modified_gmt":"2026-06-18T06:31:43","slug":"no-bad-dogs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/no-bad-dogs\/","title":{"rendered":"No bad dogs"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Your <a href=\"https:\/\/thetacticalhermit.substack.com\/p\/try-not-to-crack-a-rib-laughing\" target=\"blank\">feel-good story of the week<\/a>.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>MEMPHIS, TN \u2014 A Memphis man learned the hard way this week that not every backyard appliance is part of the city\u2019s unofficial \u201ctake what you can carry\u201d rewards program.<\/p>\n<p>Police say 41-year-old Leonard \u201cLil Riblet\u201d Barksdale allegedly hopped a privacy fence in Southeast Memphis around 2:13 AM after spotting what he reportedly described as:<\/p>\n<p>\u201ca lightly supervised gas grill.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>According to neighbors, Lil Riblet moved through the backyard \u201cwith the confidence of a man who\u2019s never once considered consequences.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That confidence lasted approximately four seconds.<\/p>\n<p>Because waiting in the yard was Memphiszilla\u2026<\/p>\n<p>a pit bull described by witnesses as:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBuilt like a refrigerator with childhood trauma.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Authorities say the dog immediately activated what experts are now calling:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe Find Out Phase.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Neighbors reported hearing screaming so intense one woman thought somebody was auditioning for a gospel solo three streets over.<\/p>\n<p>One resident said:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat man hit notes that could remove wallpaper.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Police say Lil Riblet attempted multiple escape strategies, including:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Climbing a trampoline<\/li>\n<li>Throwing a lawn chair as a peace offering<\/li>\n<li>Yelling \u201cBAD DOG\u201d in a voice cracking like a middle school clarinet<\/li>\n<li>And at one point allegedly trying to negotiate: \u201cBro please\u2026 I don\u2019t even need the grill anymore.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>But Memphiszilla was reportedly unmoved.<\/p>\n<p>Investigators say the suspect eventually climbed onto a patio table and called 911 HIMSELF while the dog circled below like a furry tax collector.<\/p>\n<p>Dispatchers reportedly struggled to understand him because he was simultaneously crying, wheezing, and screaming:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHE GOT MY SLIDES!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When officers arrived, they found Lil Riblet apologizing directly to Jesus.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>I won\u2019t even speculate on what that jibber-jabber about his \u201cslides\u201d might be all about. In any event, TH\u2019s closer is priceless:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>In Memphis, you might steal somebody\u2019s grill\u2026<\/p>\n<p>\u2026but sometimes the grill comes with teeth.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Heh. Effing BRILLIANT, start to finish. Yes, there&#8217;s a pic of the shredded spook included, which is sure to make your day no matter how rotten a mood you&#8217;re in.<\/p>\n<div class=\"remoji_bar\"><div class=\"remoji_add_container\" data-remoji-id=\"28790\" data-remoji-type=\"post\"><div class=\"remoji_add_icon\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"remoji_error_bar\" data-remoji-id=\"28790\" data-remoji-type=\"post\" style=\"display: none;\">Error happened.<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Your feel-good story of the week. MEMPHIS, TN \u2014 A Memphis man learned the hard way this week that not every backyard appliance is part of the city\u2019s unofficial \u201ctake what you can carry\u201d rewards program. Police say 41-year-old Leonard \u201cLil Riblet\u201d Barksdale allegedly hopped&#8230;<\/p>\n<div class=\"easywp-readmore\"><a class=\"read-more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/no-bad-dogs\/\">Would you like to know more?<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">  No bad dogs<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,12,16,20,218,36,48,54,62,188,84,88,125],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28790","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-almost-but-not-quite","category-balls","category-believe-it-or-else","category-brilliant","category-bwaaaa-hahahahaha","category-damn-thats-funny","category-flotsam-andor-jetsam","category-fucking-morons","category-hubris-and-nemesis","category-the-scum-of-the-earth","category-passthepopcorn","category-racist","category-or-losing","wpcat-4-id","wpcat-12-id","wpcat-16-id","wpcat-20-id","wpcat-218-id","wpcat-36-id","wpcat-48-id","wpcat-54-id","wpcat-62-id","wpcat-188-id","wpcat-84-id","wpcat-88-id","wpcat-125-id"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28790","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28790"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28790\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28793,"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28790\/revisions\/28793"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28790"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28790"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coldfury.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28790"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}