Our pal Midwest Chick posts a meme that reminded me of one of the very first entries in my “Greatest Hits” collection which I haven’t looked at in a VERY long time now. It’s a satirical piece I put together way before the Babylon Bee was even a twinkle in the esteemed and estimable Seth Dillon’s pants. A wee dram:
ICC and the Dark Lord
Frodo Lives!From The Guardian (ahem):
Frodo Baggins Charged With War Crimes
Frodo Baggins of Bagshot Row, Hobbiton, The Shire, Middle Earth, has been called before the International Criminal Court to answer charges of war crimes brought by Sauron the Dark Lord and Saruman the White in a joint filing.
Baggins refused comment on the matter from his home at Bag End, simply moaning and holding his head. But his former valet and gardener (now mayor of Hobbiton) Samwise Gamgee spoke with reporters from his “bit of garden,” saying that “you people ought to know better, coming here bothering my master and trampling my taters and all. This is just about the dumbest thing I’ve heard of since Master Merry and Master Pippin started up that Broadway show of theirs. That didn’t work out so well, either, but all’s well as ends better, as my Gaffer used to say.” Gamgee was referring to the spectacular failure of “Mount Doom – the Musical,” which debuted on Broadway last year and closed the same night, bankrupting its producers and principal investors Meriadoc Brandybuck of Buckland and Peregrine Took of the Tookland, both in the Shire.
The charges brought by Sauron and Saruman are serious and were commented on at length by the Dark Lord himself at a press conference held after he delivered the formal papers to the Court. As a full signatory to the Court’s original charter, Sauron is legally entitled to bring charges before the Court, and the Court’s decision will be binding on Mr. Baggins, per the charter establishing the authority of the Court over the entire world, whether the particular defendant lives in a member country or not. The Shire has repeatedly refused to ratify a proposal to join the Court; the proposal has languished in the legislature, bogged down by stalling tactics employed by right-wing and unilateralist legislators intent on blocking it. Gondor and Rohan have likewise not joined the ICC, for similar obstructionist reasons.
“Mr.Baggins is guilty of some of the most egregious violations of International Law as expressed in the Court’s founding documents and must be brought to answer for his inhumane actions,” Sauron said from the cardboard box behind the Emyn Muil 7-11 he’s been living in since the scandalous and irresponsible destruction of Sauron’s Ruling Ring brought about the downfall of his Empire several years ago. “He’s obviously guilty of violating several provisions of Article 8, Section 2, especially the ‘outrage against personal dignity’ clause and the ‘excessive incidental death, injury or damage’ clause. When the armies of the Western Alliance marched up to the Black Gate, they were guilty of making illegal aggressive war against a sovereign nation. Our legal team plans to bring separate suits against Aragorn son of Arathorn, the Elfstone King Elessar of Gondor. Also King Eomer of the Riddermark and Elrond Halfelven of Rivendell. But we chose to pursue the suit against Baggins first, since his was the most damaging and egregious crime.”
Those of y’all who have been out of knee britches for a while will no doubt remember the foofaraw over the establishment of the UN’s so-called “International Criminal Court,” which provided the inspiration for my Frodo On Trial post—which turned out to be wildly popular, garnering links from outlets as far afield as NRO, WSJ, and pretty much everybody else you can think of. MC’s MiQ (Meme in Question):
Heh. Great minds…
- Entries
Well written and it is amazing how what was old is new again!
Also, great minds do indeed think alike!
Thanks much, girlfrien’! 😉
You’re welcome darlin’! 😉